Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

Author's Note: When I have writer's block, I often write a lot of random snippets of ideas, omakes, and continuations of other author's ideas that kind of petered out. As I'm afflicted with a bit of writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart (again), I've decided I'm not going to leave you guys in the lurch. Therefore, enjoy some writing I've been doing over at The Fanfiction Forum.

A bit from an idea of mine involving making Neji a girl. Viewer discretion is advised.

Sarutobi had seen a lot of bizarre, off-the-wall applications of ninja skills in his long career. A fair number of them he could attribute to two ninja in particular, one of which was currently down in the chuunin exam arena.

However, he had to admit, this was... Definitely new.

The match had begun simply, ordinarily enough-Naruto Uzumaki, dead last in his class against Neji Hyuuga, the top in her class. Naruto had sworn to win in order to avenge Neji's cousin, Hinata-Which had made Sarutobi very proud. It seemed Naruto's macking genes from his father might be kicking in sooner than he'd suspected.

The battle had started out with Naruto barraging Neji with clones, and the Hyuuga genius defeating them with ease. However, Naruto was merely testing her, understanding what she could do. Even the Kaiten he'd managed to counter, hitting her the moment she'd spun to a stop.

It was here that things had begun to get rather... Weird.

No doubt due to his sensei's influence, Naruto had had his clones capture Neji, bring her over to him, and set her over his lap. He'd then proceeded to yank down her tight black shorts and spank her. All with a rather sadistic grin on his face.

Neji, mortified, was unable to do much of anything for several swats, until Naruto had shifted his knee in just the right way to make her orgasm. The fact she did it in front of a huge crowd of spectators (the men of which nearly all drooling, as well as a few women) enraged her enough to pull off a partial Kaiten, blasting Naruto and his clones away and leaving her standing, breathing hard, her shorts still down to her thighs and her hair utterly ruined.

She looked like a goddess of war as she yanked up her shorts and stalked over to the shocked Naruto, Byakugan eyes blazing in fury.

However, instead of killing Naruto as everyone in the audience had presumed she would (even the Hokage), she'd yanked him to his feet, turned him around and shoved her glowing hands down his pants. The shocked Naruto's eyes had gone cross-eyed, as Neji furiously whispered something into his ear. No one could hear her, but the Hokage easily read her lips-"It's your turn you goddamned pervert!"

Despite the fact it looked like he was getting the best handjob of his life, not to mention his first, Naruto looked like he was able to keep it together.. At First. He was getting it from a Hyuuga, whose hands were usually smoother than silk thanks to the Gentle Fist, and combined with their ability to warm their hands with chakra to controlled levels, well... It didn't take long before Naruto was breathing hard and shaking. Neji smirked, whispering to him again "It's fate. You're mine."

This seemed to trigger something in Naruto, whose eyes narrowed in determination. Spinning around, he grabbed the surprised Neji by the shoulders, shouted "Fate's got nothing to do with it!" and then kissed her as deeply as he could.

The struggling between them finally descended into ripping eachother's clothing off and going at it like dogs in heat. Kiba Inuzuka had immediately begun cheering Naruto on, as did several other men before being attacked by women-Often their wives or girlfriends.

Of course, the women couldn't help but be affected, many adopting shocked, aroused and disbelieving looks as Nruto proceeded to make Neji scream into several orgasms. The Hokage counted ten for sure, nine possibles. The moans and screams she put out as Naruto used his devastating "Gangbang no jutsu" made it difficult to tell between individual ones.

Genma, stunned into silence as he continued to watch the spectacle, finally had enough presence of mind to declare Naruto the winner after Neji passed out with a huge grin on her face. Naruto, not even looking winded, abruptly realized he was naked in a stadium full of spectators. Turning completely red, he gathered his and Neji's clothing up, before taking himself and his "foe" to the infirmary, to many catcalls, whistles and cheers.

"I must say, Hokage-sama," the Kazekage said in what could be called an amused tone, "that Konoha's talents have been severely... Understated."

Sarutobi sighed. "Yes, Kazekage-sama... it seems that they have."

The events of the invasion had almost overshadowed the events of Naruto and Neji's match... But, given that Naruto had been heavily involved in the defense of the village, the match inevitably continued to be a hot topic in Konoha.

Women who had once scorned Naruto were feeling incredibly envious of Neji. Men were feeling incredibly envious of Naruto's performance, and impressed with the fact he'd had the balls (literally and otherwise) to gangbang her in front of thousands of people to defeat her.

And Hiashi Hyuuga? Well, the Lord of the Byakugan was faced with something of a conundrum.

On one hand, the Kyuubi container had essentially violated Neji, a member of the clan, in public. The fact she had violated him right back notwithstanding, their actions were still considered shameful... At least by the Hyuuga Elders.

On the other... Uzumaki had helped Neji over her hatred, her anger of her family, and had saved the village from Shukkaku. He had shown himself brave, powerful, resourceful, and determined.

More to the point, he was not unaware of his eldest daughter's crush on the Kyuubi container. The Hyuuga Elders were very unhappy about that as well. Insisting he do something about his weak daughter and embarassing niece.

"Well..." He mused, thinking about it. A small, evil smile emerged on his face. "If they were unhappy about that... They'll be even more unhappy about this..."

A few days later, Hinata and Neji were struck dumb by the announcement of Hiashi that he had arranged their marriages to Naruto. Hinata had whooped and shot off fireworks she had kept under her bed, while Neji just stayed frozen, staring in astonishment at her uncle.

"Neji? Does this not please you?" Hiashi asked, managing to look stern even as Hinata did cartwheels and backflips amid the flares and sparklers in the courtyard. Neji just shook her head.

"N-No, Uncle... However... I must ask... Why?"

"Simple. The Hyuuga Elders were going to force me to make you marry him anyway, due to him... 'Tainting' you," Hiashi replied with a snort. Neji blushed furiously.

"Ah... But... Hinata...?"

"Well... If he joins the clan, he'll be part of the branch family. That is why he will marry you first," Hiashi stated. He then smirked. "Of course, when he then marries Hinata, it will unite both branch and main families. The elders know of your marriage to him... They will not know of Hinata's marriage until it is too late." Hiashi took a sip of his tea.

"And really... Considering how he has inspired Hinata, and... Helped you... I imagine giving you something in common to rebuild your friendship is the least I can do to make amends." He smirked.

"Making you both happy, and getting the container of the Kyuubi no Youko to father the next generation of Hyuugas, making us even more powerful? I'd say that's an excellent move to make."

"Of course, considering Hinata's performance... It may not stay a secret much longer," Neji pointed out as Hinata danced with a startled Hanabi past the door. Hiashi smirked.

"Well, too bad. The marriage has been arranged with the Village Council, which will support me. The Elders are out of their league here."

Neji bowed... Before giving in and hugging her uncle happily. Hiashi smiled, and hugged her back.

Naturally, this news was not quite as well taken by everyone else involved...

"Wait a minute... I HAVE TO WHAT?!" Naruto shouted in disbelief. "DAMN YOU ERO-SENNNINNNNNNN!"

Yes I am a pervert. No, this should not be a huge surprise to anyone.