Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
Let's Talk
Sitting in the empty transfiguration classroom with only Fred and George as company, I hid my face in my hands and let out a loud groan. A vocalization that did not dissuade my fellow triplets from their demands in the slightest. "He's no good, Holls", Fred said as he sat on top of the desk across from mine with George at his side. "All that stuff about 'your place' proves it".
We were in the transfiguration classroom because we didn't trust that we would be able to have this conversation in the semi-privateness of the common room; going out of our way to find a space that others wouldn't be occupying. Not something that was terribly difficult in a castle of this size.
George nodded his head in agreement. "Take it as a warning sign". He tried. "Let's cut Pucey loose and get rid of him before he can sink his fangs into you".
"I know it sounded bad", I started to say. "I'm not happy about it either". It goes without saying that I had every intention to teach Pucey exactly why he had no say in where I was allowed to be. With visual aids if necessary. Or maybe while he's being held at wandpoint. "But maybe we should hear him out first. Maybe-" I made the mistake of raising my head and taking in the sight of Fred and George's very concerned and 'over my dead body' facial expressions. They were expressions that had me falling silent out of habit more than anything else.
My relationship with my brothers I shared a womb with is a complicated one. We may be triplets; equal partners in crime, but like most groups, there was a social order. For the past thirteen years, Fred and George have acted as my protectors. Nothing got to me without getting through them first. Milestones included. I made sure that either Fred or George were the first to crawl, walk, or talk. IN my book, nothing was okay until Fred and George had achieved it. That was how I managed to keep Jessie's presence hidden. But over time, the act became ingrained; less of an act and more of a natural order of things. So, when Fred and George gave me that look, I fell into line without even thinking. Because, as I had taught myself, If Fred and George weren't okay with it, it wasn't safe.
"I think he was showing us his true colors", Fred said as he folded his arms across his chest; taking advantage of my silence. Reading my face, Fred directed his next comment at George but made sure I could hear it. "I think he was just playing nice because of all the reincarnated stuff. I think he's just as big of a pompous arse as the rest of his house and not good enough for our Jolly Holly".
"I couldn't agree more", George said in support as I covered my face once more to hide my frustration. From a young age, Fred and George noticed everything I did. With that was, stopping myself from acting, copying what they were doing, or hiding behind them. They may not have understood why, but they accepted it. It quickly became natural; them standing between me and other people. By the time we were five, George was answering questions for me.
"Holly, do you want pumpkin juice or milk?" Mum would ask me.
And George would answer, "We want milk".
It was no different for Fred. Eleven-year-old Bill, when Mum placed him in charge to keep all of us (except Percy) out of her hair, would ask, "Holly, do you want to color or play hide and seek?"
And Fred would answer, "Hide and seek, of course". Our system worked. If Mum or Dad ever worried about Fred and George speaking for me, they never commented. We were… are triplets. For the most part, we have wanted the same things. George and I used to like milk. And hide and seek in the burrow was an epic battle of wills. Especially with how competitive Bill and Charlie would get. Being in sync with Fred and George worked… or it did until we started growing at different rates; wanting different things.
"So, that's it then, right?" George asked. Feeling two pairs of eyes on me, I slowly raised my head; trying not to flinch at what they were asking me to do. "No more Pucey".
Of course, it's not like I never made any decisions. When it was my turn to pick the bedtime story Dad would read to us, I'd never let Fred or George choose for me. And as we got older and me more comfortable with my new body and family, I stopped clinging to my fellow triplets as much. By the time the three of us entered Hogwarts, I stopped looking at Fred and George when some asked me a question. It no longer bothered me to be on my own for a period of time; away from my Fred and George security blanket. However; despite reminding myself of my independent successes, I couldn't make a break. "No more Pucey", I grumbled; trying to ignore the hollow feeling that followed those words.
The expressions of relief on Fred and George's faces were both gratifying and confining. George hopped off the desk first. "Don't be sad, Holls", he said as he took the one step he needed to be able to pull me into a hug.
Fred wasn't far behind. "There are lots of decent blokes out there. Maybe even one who also remembers a past life", Fred added as he completed the Weasley sandwich.
"You know", George continued as I frowned glumly from over their shoulders. "One who won't think he can tell you what to do". Irony, your name is bitter.
We didn't see Adrian again until potions class on Monday. For some reason, he hadn't gone to Quirrell's class from the period before. So, my resolve to stay aligned with Fred and George wasn't tested until I saw Adrian already sitting at our shared cauldron. If that day hadn't happened, if Adrian hadn't made that statement, I would have asked the boy why he hadn't been in our first class. But instead, I slid into my seat without saying a word. Feeling Adrian's eyes on me, I pull parchment out of my bag. But as I straightened in my seat, parchment in hand, I still refused to look at him. A part of me felt silly. I should just ask him why he said those things about 'my place' and tell him why I didn't like it. As I had originally planned. Another part of me wanted to pretend it never happened. That's what Jessie would have done. Besides, our current Quirrell plan involves Pucey. It was a pain to think we'd have to come up with a new one. But the last part of me, the one currently in control, wasn't willing to go against Fred and George.
"Weasley?" Pucey asked in a low voice. Snape hadn't started instruction yet. Today was a theory day, meaning there was no potion to brew. Meaning, we didn't have a reason to talk. I could skate by without uttering a word in this class. That is, if Pucey allowed me. "Weasley?" He repeated when I made no move to respond.
Do I act like I didn't hear him? Do I respond? Never before in my life have I wished for Snape to hurry up and start class. Tucking some hair behind my ear I hummed as I glanced over at my lab partner. His grey eyes are narrowed, and his face is void of everything welcoming. We spend a moment staring at each other; him with great scrutiny and me like a deer caught in the headlights. There's a phrase I never thought I would use in this life. "You're acting differently," Pucey accused. "Why?"
Why, indeed. With shifty eyes, I glance over my shoulder to the opposite corner of the room. Fred and George are there; watching. I tried to plead to them with my eyes. What should I do? We never developed multiple telepathy (the upgrade to twin telepathy). Frankly, I think that's fiction even in the wizarding world. But it would have been really handy at this moment. George's eyes were sympathetic as he pursed his lips together. Fred shook his head at me as he leaned forward behind his and George's cauldron. But what did that mean? A cold, calloused hand engulfs the top of my mine.
"Don't look at them" Pucey's unyielding tones pulled me back. He waited for my brown eyes to meet his. "Look at me. Why are you being strange?" It takes a moment for my eyes to focus on their new target. But when they did, Pucey decided he had more to say. "Well, stranger than normal".
This git. Suddenly, I wasn't so conflicted about speaking; the promise I half-heartedly made to Fred and George was fading in importance. "Why?" I asked a little more shrill than I attended. "Is strangeness not allowed in 'my place?'"
Pucey's nose scrunches up for a brief moment. "What does that mean?"
Oh, as if he didn't know. "You tell me. You were the one who said it in the first-".
"Excuse me for interrupting what I am sure is riveting drama your feeble minds invented, but there are more pressing things to discuss". Snape said sardonically as he brought the class to order. His coal-black eyes seemed fixated on me as he said that. He refused to note that it takes at least two people to make riveting drama. When Snape turned his eyes away from Pucey and me, he said, "Today we will be learning the theory behind undetectable poisons". Oh, boy. Well, here's one lesson I don't want to miss. Except, Pucey's hand is still on top of mine.
With a small squeeze, he pulls my attention back to him. I could feel Fred and George looking at me as I turned back to Pucey. For the first time in my life, I wished Fred and George were actually Frida and Georgina. Maybe then they could understand why it was so hard to ignore the smoldering chauvinist sitting next to me. "We'll talk later", Pucey said before he withdrew his hand. I think he meant it as a question, but I didn't hear a question mark at the end of that sentence. I didn't say anything for the rest of the class. Instead, I sat through a lecture on undetectable poisons with an uneasy stomach, conflicting senses of obligation, and a dwindling amount of patience.
Standing in the doorway of the arithmancy classroom, I spend a solid two minutes staring at the back of Pucey's head with narrowed eyes. I didn't move. I didn't blink. Causing many of my classmates to cast me weird looks as they squeezed past me to get into the classroom. I'm not sure I can handle any more of this.
After yesterday's potions class, Fred and George grilled me for every little detail that transpired between Pucey and me. Even though I had nothing to report because NOTHING HAPPENED. Nothing other than a promise to talk later. I didn't go back on my word. Yet they continued to ask questions and took every opportunity to remind me that we decided to cut our losses with Pucey. Except WE didn't decide anything at all. Those two made the choice. Just like they always do. I was not consulted regarding the Pucey issue at all. Taking a deep breath, I hitched the strap of my book bag higher up on my shoulder. As annoyed as I am at my brothers, I can't be mad. Not when I didn't have the backbone to even tell them no.
Avoiding Pucey is what I need to do. It's what I had promised to do. Even if I can't decide if that's for the best or not. Staying away is easy enough thanks to us being in separate houses and Fred and George's constant presence. But in Arithmancy there's no Fred and George to use as buffers. And I can't avoid him unless I ditch class. I look away from Pucey and my normal seat next to him. He hasn't noticed that I have arrived yet. Maybe if I sit in the back of the room, he won't notice that I came to class at all.
The classroom is slowly filling up. There are not many open seats left as my fellow students locate their friends. No one moves to sit in my usual seat. It's become common knowledge amongst our year that unless occupied with my brothers, I sit next to Pucey during class. I found another open seat in the back of the room. And seeing who is sitting at the desk next to it, I'm surprised that it is still available. Making a split decision, I abandon my spot in the doorway and make my way to the back of the room. Dropping my bag by the empty desk I drop into the seat, startling my new neighbor. "Hi, Diggory," I said when he looked up from his arithmancy text. His grey eyes stare at me as his mouth is slightly open. Huh, I never noticed before that Diggory had the same eye color as Pucey. His isn't as calculating with an air of all-knowing as Pucey's is, though. "How are you?" I asked as I dug through my bag for the right materials. I go through a lot of parchment in this class.
"Um," the Hufflepuff stuttered as he adjusted to the random girl who had never talked to him before, suddenly invading his personal space. Funny, Diggory is so popular with all the girls in our year, I thought he would deal better when confronted with one. Though the boy is only a third year. I bet by the time he's a tri-wizard champion he will be more confident with the ladies. "I'm well, thanks''. I nod at his answer as I get ready for class. Pucey hasn't turned around in his seat yet to look for me. I couldn't decide if that felt like a good thing or a bad thing. "Um," Diggory said, drawing my attention back to him. "Have we ever talked before?" The boy blushed a little as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. Right, it was probably a bit too familiar to just walk up to him and ask him how he was doing as our first conversation ever. I probably made Diggory fear that he had forgotten me. Like when someone starts talking to you like you know them, but you don't have a clue who they are.
"Sorry, no. I usually sit upfront with that Slytherin who carries himself like a librarian with no social life. But I am trying to avoid the inevitable. So, I decided to sit somewhere else today". I said while staring Diggory down; daring him to tell me to move. Not that I thought Diggory would actually ask me to move. He's too polite. The boy is a Hufflepuff after all.
Diggory shifts in his seat. It seems I made him uncomfortable. "That sounds complicated," He said slowly.
I should back off and give Diggory an out so he has a reason to not talk to me when I am in a less than stellar mood. But unbeknownst to Diggory, he has given me an outlet. I plan on making use of it. "It's not complicated really," I said, glancing upfront in time to see Pucey turn around. Our eyes lock and Pucey has the nerve to frown at me. It would seem that I am not in the right place. "Pucey said some things that he shouldn't have. Now, my brothers, you know my brothers, right?" I don't wait for Diggory to answer as I move on with my story. "Well, they want me to never speak to Pucey again. And Pucey wants me to speak to him despite the things he said. Except none of them asked me who I wanted to speak to or didn't want to speak to. Instead, they are assuming I'll do what they want because they want it. And I just can't deal with it anymore, so I think I might just ignore all of them until I figure something out". I said that in one breath, and by the end I am panting a little. Why hasn't Professor Vector started class yet? Of course, I said all of that, but I won't ignore Fred and George. Maybe I'll put some black pepper into their pumpkin juice as retaliation, but I can't completely ignore them. I need them.
Diggory is silent for a moment. Instead, he just stares at me. This isn't the first-time conversation people expect to have, so I don't blame him. After today, when I've calmed down, I'll look back at this conversation and probably feel embarrassed. But right now, I'm too irritated to care. "Um, what kind of things did Pucey say?" Diggory asked as I looked back at Pucey.
Pucey was suspiciously packing up his bag. Why? Class hasn't even started yet. I kept my eyes on Pucey as I answered Diggory. "Just some misogynistic things about where my place is. 'It is the wizard who pursues the witch and Weasley's place is wherever I wish it to be'", I quoted probably a little more loudly than I should have as I watched Pucey abandon his usual desk. Is it weird that I remember exactly what Pucey had said that Sunday? I've been turning it over and over in my head ever since; trying to find meaning that was less offensive. But it just keeps making me upset.
"Oh, um" Diggory began to say as I watched Pucey head to the back of the room with his bag in hand. He better not come back here. "He's a pureblood". Diggory said as if that explained everything.
Tearing my eyes away from Pucey I glare at Diggory. "So! I'm a pureblood too. And being a pureblood isn't an excuse for poor behavior".
Diggory turns scarlet. When he got up this morning, he probably had no idea he would be dealing with a hormonal girl. "No, that's not what I meant. I just think Pucey's words have a different connotation attached to them than you do". The Hufflepuff said very awkwardly.
Oh, not him too. Not Diggory who's supposed to be this lady's man, beloved by all. This is it! I've had it with men. "Diggory", I said slowly. "Right now, you have a reputation for being handsome, very nice, and very smart with the girls in this school. But if you are telling me that you don't think wizards and witches are equal, I will-"
I am not allowed to finish my threat. "Weasley, this is not your usual seat" Drawled out the voice of Pucey, standing next to my side. I jump. Why didn't I hear him or sense him standing next to me?
Easily, I turn my ire on someone who actually deserves it. "There's no assigned seating in this class". I said, glaring up at the boy.
Pucey sighs, but he doesn't refute my comment. Instead, he addresses Diggory. "Do you mind if I sit back here with my friend? You'll see better in our usual seats" Pucey said calmly as he gestured his head in the direction of the front of the room. He said all of this as if I'm not currently trying to burn him with my eyes.
"Er…" Diggory said carefully. "I don't think she wants to sit next to you right now".
Yes! Thank you, Diggory. Maybe I don't have to threaten his good reputation after all. Pucey maintained his calm tone as he said, "Diggory, Neither Weasley nor her parents have refused me. So, unless you would like to throw your wand into the mix…" Pucey trailed off on purpose. Letting Diggory draw conclusions, and knowing that I wouldn't be able to do the same.
I hunch up my shoulders as I fume. Turning away from Pucey, I stare at Diggory, begging him to stay where he is. Diggory coughs once into a closed fit before he stands and picks up his things. My eyes widen out of their glare. I can't believe it! Thirteen-year-old Diggory is a coward. Or is he just not standing up for me because I'm not Cho Chang? It could also be due to all the strange stuff I said before Pucey came over here… But that's not the point! "I don't think she understands what you're doing". Diggory said as he moved behind me to pass Pucey on his way to his new seat for the class. "You should probably-"
"I'm aware," Pucey interrupted. "It's all in hand," he said in dismissal and he passed Diggory to claim his forfeited desk. In defeat, I watched Diggory's back as he settled into the desk I normally sit at. I should have sat next to another girl. "Weasley", Pucey said after a moment. He waits until I'm looking at him before continuing. "You're avoiding me".
"I can do whatever I want" was my immediate retort.
"Is it Stimpson?" Pucey asked, talking over me. "I didn't think she bothered you that much. You usually handle her childish attacks so well. There are things I can do to-"
This time I interrupt. "It's not Stimpson," I said with a roll of my eyes. Someone clearly hasn't been paying attention. Though, Stimpson is a bother. A bother that is going to be knocked down a couple of pegs pretty soon. "It's you".
"Me?" Pucey asked, sounding incredulous. Because the reincarnated death eater is just so innocent.
"Yes, you".
"I'm not the one who used Aguamenti on you and your brothers," Pucey reminded me.
I scoffed. "No, you're the one who acted like you have the right to decide where I belong". I glower at the boy. Daring him to disagree with me. He's lucky Charlie already graduated, otherwise there would be more consequences than just Fred and George pretending that he didn't exist. Not that Pucey knew that yet.
Pucey has the gall to roll his eyes. "You're taking that out of context".
"I don't think I am".
Professor Vector decided this would be the perfect time to start class. "Let's come together," she said with a clap of her hands. "Today we will be working on the application of our latest formula".
Pucey and I don't look away from each other. Instead, our focus is on staring each other down. "I didn't say anything wrong," Pucey declared firmly.
"You didn't say anything right, either" I whispered as Vector lectured.
"I was protecting you," Pucey said.
I widened my eyes and my eyebrow shot up in exacerbated disbelief. "How?"
Pucey doesn't get the chance to answer. "Ms. Weasley, Mr. Pucey, Class has begun. Face the front of the room and stop talking or I will have to separate the two of you and dock points" Vector said in her scariest teacher voice. Still not as effective as Snape's or McGonagall's, but better than Flitwick's. Her eyes remain on us and she doesn't resume her lecture until we look at her with our mouths shut.
Once her back was turned Pucey leaned over and whispered, "Let's talk later".