Stupid school. Stupid snobby kids. Stupid anxiety attacks. Stupid alzheimer's. Stupid car crashes. Stupid thoughts that invaded her mind over and over again. Why did it have to be her? Why did she have to have those attacks?
Zola sat on the concrete bench as she waited for her father. She watched as the students passed by from one end to the other. Over and over again in their red and khaki uniforms. Clearly they seemed fine.
When her mother had mentioned the possibility of a new school, Zola was prepared to shut the idea down. She didn't like change. Change meant bad things were about to happen, and she wasn't ready for anything bad to happen again. Especially after a year in which her parents traveled back and forth and she rarely saw them. The feeling of not seeing them was so bad that at one point she had told Meredith that she was happy they had both gotten sick and wished for it to happen more often.
Her dad chuckled and said she had gone a little dark and twisty.
Now, the idea of a new school didn't seem so bad. None of her friends understood what she felt. She was bored in class. And her teachers had other students to worry about too. And skipping grades was an option she definitley did not like.
But this school? SeaTac Science? This school was terrible.
As her thoughts continued, a voice called out to her, "Zola Grey!"
At the sound of his voice, his daughter turned around and smiled lightly. Why he had chosen to call her that, she'd never understand. She was a Shepherd too. Very much a Shepherd. In fact, she had been proud to bear both of her parents names because it showed off to the world that her parents were brilliant people. Brilliant doctors.
A sudden thought hit her. Maybe he called her that because she had figured out how to get him to bend to her will the way her mother had. Yup. That was it.
"Hi, Dad."
Once upon a time Zola would run into his arms. She'd crash into them and nearly knocked him over, earning the biggest smile she'd ever seen from her dad. Now, she calmly walked towards him. And she still saw the biggest smile on his face.
"Hey," He smiled as he wrapped on arm around her. She nearly reached his shoulder, "How was it? What'd you think?"
"Mmm," Zola made a face that told him everything. Her lips grimaced slightly, her brow was raised. She tilted her head just a bit as she closed one eye, Like she wanted to tell him the truth but just couldn't.
"Oh no," Derek sighed with a slight shake of his head as they walked slowly back to the car, "I know that face."
"I didn't say anything!" she gasped, "Besides it's the only school we're looking at here in Seattle, might as well stop here and enroll me-"
Derek squeezed her lightly as he chuckled, "Want a hot chocolate? It's chilly out today and you can tell me all about your day. You can tell me why you hate it."
"Don't you have to be in the hospital? You have the residents and surgeries-"
"The interns have their placements, I finished all my surgeries and lectures," Derek smiled, "And I will always have time for you, princess. We can go to a little place I know by the hospital. You'll love it."
"Okay," she smiled as he guided her back to the car.
Her dad squeezed her tightly again before kissing the top of her head. She may not be the little girl who ran to her dad- she left that to Ellis nowadays- but she still needed him. And he was still around.
They drove in silence, the complete opposite of what used to be their car drives together. She was always wildly talkative. She'd babble as a baby and make animal noises as he identified them for her. She'd go on and on about school and daycare. Meredith had once said she had learned that from him. The talking never stopped. But lately, she'd been a little more quiet. More reserved. Shy even.
Once they approached a small cafe, she got off without any comment. He ordered a black coffee. She ordered a hot chocolate and a croissant.
Zola wouldn't admit it so fast, but days where it just herself and her dad were some of her favorites. They were usually filled with jokes and he'd tell her a story about how much she and her siblings reminded him of their mother or himself. They made father/daughter memories that down the line, she'd remember with fondness.
"Do you come here a lot?" Zola asked as they sat outside, "I didn't even know this place was here and I've been to the hospital almost every day during the summer."
Derek looked towards the table outside. A young couple sat closely to each other as they laughed together. He honestly didn't know why he was bringing his daughter here. Nostalgia?
"I brought your mom here on our first date," Derek smiled as he turned back to his daughter, "She uh, was an intern and she was eating frozen pizza and left over grilled cheese for breakfast back then."
Think of it as an attending getting to know one of his interns.
He slept with the intern.
Barely knew her.
"That sounds like mom," Zola giggled, "Was she your favorite?"
Her giggle ran across the empty cafe. Derek smile grew even bigger as he watched her. His children's laughs were his favorite sound. They filled his heart in ways he never knew they would.
Derek crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, a little surprised at his daughter's curiosity, "Yes but not because of the reason you think she was."
"Then why?"
Derk sighed, "She worked her ass off-"
"That's not a nice word-" Zola raised a brow.
"She worked really hard" Derek corrected himself, "and she was the most loyal intern I knew. I don't think the five of them would've made it out of their intern year if she hadn't kept them together."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, usually when you're an intern the competitive side comes out of you," he explained, "Your mom opened the doors to her home."
The golden years of the Frat House- now known as the Sister House- were filled with nostalgia and stories that would become legend throughout the halls of Grey Sloan.
"At one point we all lived together, your Uncle Alex, George, Izzie- not your Aunt Cristina although she practically lived there too," Derek continued, "Years later your Aunt Lexie and Uncle Jackson and Aunt April moved in. Everybody lived there."
"Who are George and Izzie?"
"They were interns with your mom," Derek said softly, "They were all good friends. They were her family."
A flash of an angry Meredith crossed his mind. She'd been so angry at his insinuation that Izzie and Alex move out that she had told him off at the end of the day. He didn't get it then, but over time he learned.
Zola tilted her head, "What happened?"
"Uh, Izzie moved after she got sick and George was in an accident," he explained, "He passed away."
Zola took notice how he became quiet. Like it was a memory he had suppressed and wasn't fond of reliving it.
"Did you have friends like mom when you were an intern?"
"Well we didn't all live together," Derek laughed, "But yes. My class of interns and I were all good friends."
Zola drank her hot chocolate slowly, "Dad, are my anxiety attacks only because of the thing you and Dr. Bartley found?"
"No," Derek shook his head, "Your brain functions a little different from other children your age and it does increase your risks at having anxiety. But it's not the only thing going on."
"How does my brain work?"
Zola liked to know why. She liked to know how and why things worked the way they did. She had questions and follow up questions. And even after she'd research on her own and come up with more. She was insatiable for information.
"Well it's a form of neurodiversity," he began to explain, "Your mind is wired to synthesize information more effectively and quicker compared to the brain of an average person your age."
"How does it do that?'
"Your brain has a higher volume of grey matter in different parts of your brain." he continued, "There are other factors like brain plasticity or how the connections on your brain are created. It helps you process information faster."
Zola nodded, "And the other reason I have panic attacks is trauma right?"
So much. So much trauma. Her life had been full of it that Derek and Meredith had so much guilt.
"It is," Derek nodded slowly, "You've seen a lot. You've gone through a lot. And I'm sorry about that, Zo. Your mom and I never meant to-"
Zola smiled, "It's okay. I know you didn't mean to."
Zola was patient, kind, respectful, and empathetic. It was like she could feel their emotions and with a simple gaze, the world was at peace. This little girl that the universe brought to them, had brought a peace Meredith and Derek could never imagine. The lease they could do was find that for her.
"Yeah," he watched as she drank her hot chocolate and sighed, "What's wrong with the school? Why didn't you like it?"
Zola picked at the croissant and grimaced a little.
"Well, the teachers seem great," Zola reluctantly answered, "The programs seem pretty cool but the kids are snobby. I don't think I'd make many friends there."
"Really?"
"Mmhm," Zola sipped her drink again.
Derek watched her, "Well then that's not our school?"
"Wait, we can't leave Seattle," Zola's eyes shot up to look at him, "What about Ellis and Bailey? They're gonna hate me-"
"Zola, Bailey is punching kids in the face defending you," Derek explained. His daughter raised her brows. She knew her brother had punched that stupid kid, rumors spread fast nowadays and everyone talked at the school. And when she got home, she knew that her father's reaction was not a good one, "And Ellis- well our work may be cut out for us there but I'm sure she'll understand."
Zola chuckled a little as she thought of her sister. She had wanted a baby sister for so long and when she finally got her, she couldn't love her any more. Even if they were widely different.
"What if I like a school in New York?," Zola asked with worry in her voice, "They're gonna hate me and I don't want them to hate me.."
"They won't hate you. You're their sister," Derek shook his head, "Besides your mom and I are gonna figure it out. We always do, you know that."
Zola remained unconvinced.
"If your mom and I teach you and your siblings anything is that you will always have each other," he explained, "As long as you respect your differences and appreciate them, you will always have each other."
He wasn't the best at that. His sisters were terrible at it. Except Amelia. Amelia had been the good one despite the difficult path she had endured. She loved all her siblings- at a distance- but she loved them anyways. Even if she didn't always like them.
"Like Mom and her sisters?" Zola grinned, "And you and Aunt Amy?"
"Yeah, exactly, like that," Derek smiled as he watched his daughter drink another sip of her hot chocolate.
"Mr. Jaffee, how are you feeling?" Meredith entered her patients' room with two interns tagging along; Dr. Lucas Adams and Dr. Simone Griffith.
"Tell me good news!" the old man wore a fisherman's hat. He'd been waiting on a kidney for some time now and Meredith had been the attending on the chart. One of the few she'd been on now that she was chief.
She missed being on the constant run of things but someone had to run the damn place.
"Dr. Griffith?" Meredith turned to her intern expecting a run down. The intern went on and on about the patient. Simon Jafee, end-renal disease.
"We need a pre-op chest x-ray and an EKG and we should be good to go," Simone smiled.
"You are gonna need to lose the hat for the surgery," Meredith smiled at her patient as she eyed the khaki thing on his head.
"Oh but my late wife gave it to me. It was a gift!" the man whined, "You know I caught 22 prize-winning bluegills in it!"
Meredith laughed, "It's like I'm listening to my kid and my husband."
"They fish? So they know how important it is to keep a lucky charm close." Mr. Jafee's face lit up like a kid during Christmas. He was hoping his doctor would be more understanding but his smile fell as he watched her shake her head.
"Yes, but my husband's also a surgeon and he would tell you that the hat's gotta go. So?" Meredith gestured to the hat, "It's done its job. It's time."
As the man removed his fishing hat, a large, red, swollen, bump was revealed at the top of its head. Both doctors stared at it with confusion, "Okay, well-"
"It showed up a few months ago," he sighed defeatedly.
Meredith nodded, "Okay well we're gonna need neuro to take a look. Unfortunately we cannot-"
"I called the grandchildren. Should I have waited?," he shook his head, "I was scared to come in because-"
"You thought you'd get kicked off the transplant list," Lucas finished absentmindedly.
Meredith glared at the young doctor before turning to her patient, "Mr. Jaffee, we're gonna run a few tests before we can even begin with the transplant."
The patient defeatedly leaned back into the bed as both doctor's exited. Meredith turned to Adams, "We're gonna need to run Oncology tests on this mass right now, pet scans asap with renal precautions, and you'll need ortho and neuro consults as well."
Simone wrote in her notebook as Lucas stared at her notes.
"Adams, that was for you. What are you still doing here, go," Meredith commanded, "Find Shepherd and Lincoln!"
Lucas nodded and scrambled away as Griffith nodded and made her way behind him.
"Dr. Griffith?"
"Yes, chief?"
"How is your grandmother? I haven't checked in-"
"She's good. Thanks for asking chief."
"Okay," Meredith nodded, "Page me as soon as the consults and tests are ready."
Simone nodded.
This was Meredith's first and possibly one of her only surgeries of the week. She didn't expect it to go so wrong so fast. As she entered her office she removed her coat and sat on her chair and sighed deeply. Her phone beeped with a text message.
A picture of Zola greeted her. She was drinking from a white mug looking straight at the camera with a smile on her face.
Meredith smiled at the picture. Her daughter was with her father and apparently on a daddy daughter date.
"Hey," Maggie opened the door to Meredith's office and smiled, "I heard what happened a few nights ago, how's Zola doing?"
Meredith looked up and sighed, "She's looking at a school today. SeaTac Science Academy, Derek's with her now. It's supposed to be the best in Seattle so we started there."
"How'd she take it? Change like that can also be triggering."
Meredith sighed. She knew what that was like when Ellis Grey took her in the middle of the night and ran out to Boston. But Meredith wasn't running. Meredith was searching. She was searching for the right thing.
"I know, it's what started this last year," Meredith sighed, "But we're starting here so she knows that we want her to feel comfortable."
"And if she hates it? Are you considering her having to skip grades?"
"No," Meredith shook her head, "But we are offering her a chance to look into schools out of state. We have a few tours set up in different places. New Hampshire, New York, Boston-"
"Boston? You're looking into Boston?"
"I hate the idea of it, but it's Zozo," Meredith grimaced, "And I'd do anything for my kids you know that."
Maggie leaned back and nodded.
"Are you gonna yell at me now for potentially moving? Or am I going to get the silent treatment?" Meredith raised a brow at her sister.
"No," Maggie scoffed, "Look I get it. It's your daughter- and I love your kids. I think you're doing the right thing."
"Wow, look at you being all mature about it," Meredith gaped, "Okay what did you need? You came here for something other than to check on my kid."
"I did," Maggie sighed, "The interns. Derek assigned Adams to me last week-"
"I know," Meredith raised a brow, "They're following their rotation schedule. I get it every week and he updates me on changes."
"I know that except," Maggie sighed, "Adams is a little slow. I'm worried about him-"
"Okay, I get you've been having Winston do your rounding and scut work but you gotta give these kids a shot," Meredith debated, "It's how they learn."
"No, Mer, that's not it," Maggie shook her head, "I'm worried that Derek is being a little too soft on him because he's a Shepherd."
And there it was. She knew that it was too easy. She had a feeling it would break. Or at least crack.
"Derek? Soft? What makes you say that?"
"His sutures need work. He can't keep procedures memorized for the life of him-"
"Okay, let me ge this straight," Meredith raised a finger as she stopped her from listing anything else, "You are accusing Dr. Shepherd of taking advantage of his position as Director of the Residency Program to benefit his nephew? You think he's letting Adams slack off? That's what I'm hearing."
"No- No! I mean," Maggie sighed, "Look, I know that they were close and I just want to make sure that we-."
"He is tough on Lucas. You saw how he hesitated letting back into the O.R. after mixing up patient's next of kin-"
"Well that was earlier when he first got here," Maggie insisted, "I just worry that he may be getting pulled back in fear that he'll do something wrong. He was on Derek's service for two weeks."
Meredith sighed. This was always the hard part. Working with the spouse. It wasn't all butterflies and rainbows and it wasn't always as easy as they made it out to be. It also didn't help that though they cared for each other deeply, Maggie and Derek were both competitive and sometimes they'd but heads- as attendings.
"I made the choice to hire Lucas. Derek and Amelia both fought me on it," Meredith whispered.
"I know. I remember how hard they were on him on his first day," Maggie agreed, "But I also know that now he's living in your house and-"
Meredith clenched her teeth. She had been the one to push Derek to welcome his nephew to their home. The kid needed people. He needed his family and his uncle if he was going to survive the game.
Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe Derek had been right when he told her it was too much for Lucas.
"Dr. Pierce, I will look into it," Chief Grey answered, "Thank you."
"Mer," Maggie sighed, "Derek's like my brother. You know that. And Amy is my sister. But I-"
Another sound rang through her phone.
"Dr. Pierce," Meredith stood from her desk, "I have a patient."
"Please tell me you have good news," Meredith opened the door to the exam room and stood behind Amelia.
"Osteosarcoma," Link grimaced, "Sorry."
Meredith stomped angrily-much like her youngest, "Dammit. Okay well what can we do?"
"Not much. It involves the frontal and occipital bone-"
"Such a pretty tumor just plopped there," Amelia shook her head, "Hello!"
"Well even if you can remove it-"
"I can!" Amelia grinned, "I do brains and those margins are gorgeous."
Meredith rolled her eyes. She was in the middle of a spat between two excellent doctors who worked very well together but also fought to even agree on one miniscule thing. This wasn't miniscule. This was big. They could go on for hours.
"But there's nothing to close it. A rotational flap wouldn't work here," Link shook his head, "His immune system is compromised and a wound that big would worsen it. It would kick him off the transplant list."
Meredith sighed before turning to the interns, "Both of you hit the books. Now. Find me something because we only have twenty-four hours."
Amelia turned to the interns and back to Link as she listened to their chief's orders.
Adams spoke up, "Where should we-"
"Seriously Adams?" Meredith rolled her eyes, "Go get everyone and search. Now!"
The interns ran out of the room.
"Woah," Link raised his brows, "I haven't heard you yell at interns that way in a long time."
"Yeah, I kinda missed it," Amelia questioned.
Meredith sighed, "A doctor approached me saying that preferential treatment may be given to one of those two-"
"Adams," Link and Amelia answered in tandem.
"Wait, what do you know?" Meredith asked.
Link shook his head, "Well he's a little-"
"He's trying, okay," Amelia stopped him, "He's trying."
Meredith leaned on both chairs, "What about Derek? How's he doing as the director. I'm asking as chief."
Link shifted uncomfortably.
"I like him. Derek's good and the interns respect him. And I'm not saying that because he's my kid's uncle," Link sighed, "Why?"
"You don't think Adams is getting preferential treatment?" Meredith paced, "Derek isn't playing favorites?"
Link said nothing. And neither did Amelia.
"Lincoln?" Meredith insisted.
"I'm not sure," Link stuttered but turned to look at her, "But I think Derek may be part of the reason why he's falling behind."
Meredith took notice how Amelia froze, "What do you mean?"
Link glanced at Amelia and turned to Meredith again, "I know he's your nephew- and I know it may be hard for Derek to-"
"Spit it out, Link," Meredith gritted.
"His skills are not up to the same level as the rest of his class," Link quickly stated, "Dr. Shepherd may be a little forgiving due to the personal connection. I think he may be overprotecti-"
"He is not," Amelia stood from her seat and made her way out of the room, "And Lucas is trying. He'll get there, just give him time."
"What about a rotational flap?"
Simone rolled her eyes as she looked up from her book, "Didn't you hear Dr. Lincoln? He said it no."
"Right, right," Lucas sighed as he continued scrolling through his laptop.
"Hey, aren't you supposed to know this already?" Kwan turned to him, "I mean seriously, what's up? Why are you here. You could've chosen any other program but you went with this?"
Yasuda chuckled, "Yeah. We're here because we had no other choice."
Lucas shook his head as he kept his eyes on the screen, "I'm not here because I have family here if that's what you're thinking."
"You sure?" Jules looked up from her research, "With the names Shepherd and Grey in the family, I'm sure they could've set you up anywhere-"
Lucas slammed his laptop, "That's just it! I don't want to rely on them. You don't think me being here is enough? That it isn't embarrassing? I didn't want you to know-"
"Okay, relax," Kwan chuckled, "We all got our own issues."
Lucas breathed heavily. The truth was, he didn't have many options after med school. Grey Sloan was his only option after he didn't match to anything. Anything at all. He wasn't top of his class. Probably not even the middle. He had been widely surprised with an email from Grey Sloan had arrived but disappointed when he saw the signature at the bottom. Dr. Meredith Grey. He knew that name. He'd met her once long ago and she had been distant. But he saw how his uncle had been besotted with her- and how distant he had been with everyone else.
When he agreed to a meeting, she promised his family connections had nothing to do with her decision. In fact, she didn't even pass it through her husband yet. This was his decision and his alone. So he agreed with the condition that his family connections remain private.
Lucas Shep Adams had been the disappointment of his parents his whole life. And even though he knew no one had any expectations for him as a Shepherd, he still wanted the glory they all had. And he was determined to prove everyone wrong. And get rid of the damn chip on his shoulder.
The rest of the interns watched as he calmed down and opened his laptop again.
"I don't know how you do it," Simone whispered, "I would crack under that pressure, I would-"
She turned to him only to find his incredibly annoyed eyes on hers, "I just- they're a part of you and you don't want-"
Lucas stared at her. Clearly whatever was on her mind had disappeared and another thought had taken over, "What? Griffith, what's wrong?"
"Oh my god, I got it!" She threw a book on the floor and climbed up the stairs.
Lucas stared at her as Kwan's voice called him back.
"And another one bites the dust," he teased, "Your aunt will be happy to have her scrub in."
"Scull and scalp transplant," Amelia stared at the images in front of her, "What do you think, Link?"
Meredith watched as the two doctors debated.
"I've never done it but these studies are clear and concise," he nodded, "I think we can pull it off."
He turned to the intern at the door, "Nice work, Griffith."
Lucas' gaze remained on the floor. He didn't have to look up to know that Simone was proudly smiling. And that the chief had a glimmer of disappointment.
"Okay," Meredith nodded, "You two start on the tumor. Griffith your're scrubbing in with Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Lincoln."
Simone blinked. It was a once in a lifetime procedure. One only done a handful of times and she'd get to scrub in.
"Dr. Grey-" Adams began to ask before she turned to him.
"Dr. Adams," Meredith turned to him, "You're scrubbing in with me."
The young doctor nodded as he followed her. They scrubbed in silence unless she asked any procedural questions. He answered them after taking at least a two to three second pause throughout each step she took.
Meredith looked up from her work, "Adams bring the kidney."
Lucas lifted the tray and carefully took it to her. He watched as she meticulously took it and placed it in it's new home.
This is what he wanted. To save lives and make a difference.
"What am I doing?" her voice pierced his thoughts.
"Oh uh, you are preparing the vessels for anastomosis," he nodded.
"Good," Meredith looked up at him as she continued to work, "You were slow today, Adams."
"I just-I-" he stammered, "Sorry Dr. Grey, I'll uh-"
"Stop apologizing," Meredith looked at him, "Listen, I like you. You know I do. I went to bat for you against my guy-"
"Yeah, he was pretty mad at you when you brought me here," Lucas chuckled.
Meredith giggled, "Lucas, I can't be your aunt in these walls."
"I know that-"
"So you gotta prove you deserve to be here," Meredith looked up, "Don't make me regret it."
Adams took his eyes off her steady hands and glared at her, "Yes, chief."
Meredith went back to work. She truly hoped he did.
Meredith opened the door to her home. Her home where she wasn't chief. Where Dr. Grey was put away and the title of wife and mom were resounding between each wall.
A trio of faces greeted her from the breakfast bar and a handsome grin smiled at her.
"Hey," Derek grinned as he looked up from whatever he was chopping, "Welcome home, how was your day?"
Meredith sighed in relief. It was like a bucket of corny sunshine had been thrown at her, and she wouldn't have it any other way. A pair of little arms ran her way and enveloped around her waist. Ellis squeezed her tightly before running back to her original spot.
"I am happy I am finally home. My kidney transplant went south but your sister and her baby daddy came to the rescue so," Meredith smiled at the warm smells of whatever was on the stove, "I am right on time for dinner."
"We'll set the table, c'mon Bails," Zola smiled as she and her brother jumped off.
"Bailey how was school?" Meredith called out as she reached to her husband and gently kissed him.
"It was good," Bailey turned to look at her as he took the place mats from the cabinet, "No one punched anyone."
"And it's not gonna happen again, right?" Derek looked towards his direction.
"I already said no, dad," Bailey sighed, "I promised."
"Good," Derek watched as Meredith opened one pot, "Don't touch, you'll burn it."
Meredith playfully stuck her tongue out at him and continued roaming.
"Ellie you want to help me finish this?" Derek turned to his daughter- who had proudly proclaimed she would become a chef. Since then, he always offered her to join him even if it had been for the smallest of things. He lived for her grins. Her smiles and giggles because he had wanted that baby for such a long time.
"No," Ellis burst the bubble with her high pitched voice. Derek turned to look at her, surprised at her answer.
"W-wait," he stuttered, "Don't you wanna-"
"No, thank you Daddy," Ellis repeated as she ran off to the dining table and helped her siblings.
Meredith bit her lip as she had tried to suppress a slight laugh. She knew her daughter had been a daddy's girl since the second she had landed into this planet. Otherwise, she wouldn't have put her in such distress on the day of her birth.
And her husband had been equally besotted with her that the heartbreak was clearly evident on his face.
"I can help," Meredith offered, "Put me to work."
Derek watched his daughter for a second with a confused look. Something was wrong.
"Hey, Ellie," he called out, "You okay, baby girl?"
Ellis turned from the table and smiled, "I'm okay."
Meredith stuck a carrot in her mouth and watched her husbands heart slightly break. She had watched him be the father she always knew he'd be. Kind, generous, doting, loving. All things that she always wanted in one. She loved that her children had that. And she loved to see him in that role.
But with the role of a parent, heartbreak followed. In the years that passed and they realized their children no longer called them mamma or dada. In the moments where they no longer needed to hold their hand so they could walk on their own. When they had that silly fifth grade culmination and they went off to middle school. They felt that heartbreak with their two eldest. They had yet to suffer so much with Ellis, but now it seemed her husband had his first crack.
"Whatever this is, it's gonna burn," Meredith called to him with a slight tease in her voice, "And it won't be my fault."
Derek didn't budge for a moment.
"You can whisper instructions in my ear like the good ol' days," Meredith whispered, "Discreetly because the three little Grey-Shepherds are around."
Derek turned to look at her and smiled, "Drain the pasta for me please?"
Meredith smiled and followed instructions before he walked up behind her and whispered in her ear what came next.
Some things never changed.
"It was a mass on the very top of his head and the poor man hid it under his hat. So Griffith found an article Callie wrote from years ago-" Meredith's voice echoed from the bathroom.
"Skull and scalp transplant? I remember that one, it was pretty impressive," Derek pulled on his pajama as he listened to his wife go on about her successful day from the bedroom.
"That's the one!" Meredith walked out of the bathroom and lied on the bed, "So now Mr. Jaffee has a new kidney and no mass."
"Amy got clear margins?" Derek took off his watch and made his way to the bathroom and proceeded to brush his teeth.
"She did," Meredith sighed as she closed her eyes, "It's the first time I've scrubbed in on a surgery in a week and I feel good about it."
She stared at the ceiling and smiled, "His kids and grandchildren were in the room after the surgery and he was so happy to have them all in there."
"Sounds like a lucky man," Derek asked from the bathroom, "How'd Griffith do? She scrubbed in with Amy right?"
Meredith opened her eyes as Maggie's words rang in her ears, "She was good."
"Adams? He didn't screw up?" He rinsed his mouth and placed the brush in its place.
"He scrubbed in with me," she quietly muttered. Meredith closed her mouth as she watched him from a distance, "Derek-"
"Ellis blew me off. Did you hear that?," Derek muttered as he flopped on the bed beside her, "Ellis Grey Shepherd blew me off."
All other thoughts evaporated as Meredith giggled and popped her head on her hand as she faced him, "Derek, she's eight. She's growing up, it was part of the deal."
"She always humors me. She never blows me off. She knows all my tricks back and forth and she still humors me," he exclaimed, "She blew me off. She literally kicked me to the curb with no remorse in sight."
Meredith rolled her eyes at her overdramatic husband.
Dinner had been the usual. Banter between the siblings. The kids making fun of their father. A run down of their days along with the clatter of their dishes.
"Get used to it," Meredith giggled again, "How was Zola's day?"
"She hates SeaTac Science," Derek admitted, "She said the kids were snobby."
"Snobby?"
"Yeah," Derek sighed, "And then she said she was scared that Bailey and Ellis would hate her if she liked a school somewhere else."
"But why would they hate her?"
Derek sighed before he could answer.
Siblings were…strange. He knew that, he had four of them plus Mark. Sometimes they adored each other and sometimes they were ready to snap each other's head off. They could be insanely similar and widely different. Overprotective and completely dismissive. Such complicated things.
"Same reason why Amy and I were at each other's throats all those years-"
"Yes but you and your sister's fights were trauma induc-" A sudden realization hit her as her husband watched her face contour in understanding, "Oh."
Zola was the oldest sibling and they could both relate to that on some level. She tried to protect her siblings every time something went wrong. She didn't acknowledge that she too was still a kid because the responsibility of being the eldest was never ending. They'd overlooked it. They'd forgotten that their shared trauma was also trauma on her. And sometimes, being the oldest meant butting heads with siblings.
"Yeah, our kids have been hit with some sort of trauma but," Derek sighed, "every time something happens to either you or me, she steps up and tries to shield them from everything. She tries to protect them as best she can and takes the short end of the stick."
Meredith sighed as she thought about how Zola had stepped up when she had been in a coma. Derek had told her she insisted on keeping from the kids because they were "just to young to understand." The burden she carried was big.
"I would try to keep Amy in a bubble when she was a kid," Derek shook his head as he thought back to their childhood, "And she found every possible way to pop it - because she wanted my mom's attention- until she got in deep and the drugs and alcohol started."
Meredith watched the light leave his eyes.
"And then I just," he sighed, "I left her alone."
"It wasn't your fault and you did the best you could," Meredith whispered as she thought about her kids.
"Yeah."
Meredith stared off into the distance for a moment. The silence of the moment made her think about the times her mother had left her behind in moments she felt she needed her the most. Conferences. Lectures. Surgeries. All of those took precedence over her. Ellis Grey wanted surgery and surgery only.
"I wish I had been a better sister to Lexie," Meredith whispered, "Sometimes, I think about how she just popped into my life and I did was push her away."
Derek shifted and stared. Lexie Grey was an unspoken topic. He could count on his hands how many times she had spoken about her late sister since she had passed in the terrifying plane crash. He had been surprised when she didn't bring up naming their youngest after her. He had expected her to at least toy with the idea and the instant he brought it up, he was shot down with a glare.
"I was mad at Thatcher," she continued as she swallowed a lump of guilt, "I was angry that he had walked away and that everything I didn't have she did. I was mad that Thatcher had chosen her and that he forgot I was the one in the red wagon in that old picture. I told her to get her own life."
"And I was angry with Maggie because Ellis did the right thing by her," Meredith's voice cracked, "And even though we share the same mother our childhoods were different. I got the short stick there too."
"You were a kid," he whispered as his thumb wiped a tear away, "Your parent's mistakes are not your fault."
For a moment, the pair sat in silence. Being a sibling- an older brother, an older sister- was riddled with moments of confusion. And they didn't want that for their children.
"What if we take them with us? The three little Shepherds? We can make it a family trip or whatever."
Derek pondered for a second at her sudden change of topic, "Well, we said you'd go to New York and I'd go to Boston with Zo and we could both go to New Hampshire-"
"You just don't want to go to New York because your mother will force you to go see her," Meredith rolled her eyes, "Nice try, Shepherd."
"So? You don't want to go to Boston either, Grey. The whole scheduling conflict excuse is bullshit and you know it."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she rolled her eyes, "Okay fine. We can reschedule her tours to be within a week. We could both go to Boston and New York and you'd have the perfect excuse to avoid Carolyn," she smiled, "You'd be too busy looking at schools for your daughter and taking us on ferry boat rides."
"See, you do love me," Derek grinned as he pulled her on top of him.
"Why did Dad say you punched someone in the face for me?" Zola appeared out of nowhere. She hovered over her brother as he sat by a lunch table with a group of friends.
They could be the closest of allies. At home. They could be on the same team. At home. They were often coming up with all sorts of plans to get their parents. At home.
But at school, they were on their own. The age difference sometimes stuck out and Zola couldn't be seen with her brother for the life of her. Bailey was also staying clear from his sister- who tended to be overly bossy. He didn't need that at school.
"You already knew I got grounded," Bailey stuck a carrot into his mouth but kept his eyes on his tray, "You know everything that happens-"
"Yeah, but you said it had nothing to do with what stupid Benjamin said," Zola insisted. She sat across from him, "Why did you punch him?"
"You don't need to know everything, Zo" Bailey rolled his eyes, "Also, you don't know what he said so-."
"He said I wasn't really your sister after he made fun of me for having a panic attack," Zola stared her brother down.
"How did you know?" Bailey furrowed his brows.
"I know everything," Zola rolled her eyes, "Besides, jokes on him, I have a higher gpa and he didn't win the scholarship either."
Zola tilted her head confidently as Bailey rolled his eyes. If anything, Zola was the most confident of the three. She was the smartest and the wittiest. She was never in trouble and everything she did was the best. She had both her parents' ear and Bailey began to feel a tinge of jealousy over it.
Until recently. He'd never seen his sister cry the way stupid Benjamin had described it. He'd never seen her walk into the house so upset. And he'd never seen his parents so worried.
Bailey continued eating his food without looking up at her. He let out a sigh before looking at her, "You are my sister, Zo. I got your back."
Zola smiled briefly at her brother, "Thanks."
"Now can you please go? We were in the middle of a game!"
A/N: Trauma, trauma, trauma. That damn little thing. Let me know what you think!