This chapter ended up being WAY longer than I thought it was going to be. I didn't realise how much Edward had to say after spending a few chapters focused on Bella. It took a bit of workshoping to get get the middle of the chapter to a point where I was happy, and as a result it turned out quite long!
EPOV
Bella dashed out of the room and up the stairs, leaving me alone with her father. Both of us were still watching the space where Bella disappeared as if she would come back at any moment. The slamming of her bedroom door sent a jolt through us, breaking the connection, and forcing me to turn back around and face Bella's father, Chief Charles Swan.
Charlie was a fairly well-built guy, for a man in his sixties. Stocky, as my mom would say. It was probably due to his life on the force which, while pretty sedentary in a small, lazy town like Forks, still required him to keep in fairly good shape. He could probably claim to be six feet tall if he was wearing heavy boots, but his stature did not diminish from how intimidating he truly was.
Though he was not related to Bella by blood, they actually bore a striking resemblance to each other. Bringing up that old 'nature versus nurture' debate. They had similar round-shaped faces, and their hair and eyes were both brown, though they were not the same shade, and the shape of their eyes were a little different. A large, Magnum P.I. mustache also did a good job of masking most of his mouth, so it was harder to make a full comparison.
If you didn't know, you wouldn't guess that Bella was even adopted.
All over, it had been a pretty uncomfortable night. The man hadn't spoken more than a few words to me all evening. He had been preoccupied over dinner, and I wasn't really a part of the conversation between him and Bella. I knew my place was to be there to support her while she finally got answers to questions she's had her whole life. In this matter, my curiosities were my own business.
But Charlie had been wary of me since the moment he'd found me sitting alone in his kitchen, casually listening to music on my phone and eating chips. He probably assumed I was the world's most inept burglar, stopping to take a break while looting the house of the town's Chief of Police. That was until his daughter came around the corner.
Evidently, he was not very good at checking his voicemail.
Now that the difficult conversation had been dealt with and the truth was off his chest, Charlie turned his full attention toward me. I had seen the way he looked at Bella and Sue, his eyes soft. As he looked at me, his eyes were as sharp as laser pointers. I tried to sit back and not show how intimidated I really was of him.
As I was wracking my brain for what to say to him, his stern voice cut through the silence.
"Now you listen here, Son. Your intentions better stay in the right place because my daughter is not a replacement for your lost wife. And if I sense one lick of trouble coming off you, I will have no qualms in getting you nice and lost in that forest out there." For emphasis, he pointed at the window, from which I could just make out the edge of the tree line in the darkness.
I couldn't help but scoff. He and my father seemed to have jumped to similar conclusions. The one difference was that Charlie Swan didn't know me from a bar of soap and was well within his rights to think that little of me. Well, maybe not his right, but it was completely understandable. He'd spent decades protecting Bella, though she may not see it from that perspective. Now here I was, a widower with issues who's suddenly found his dead loves identical twin. That's got psychological thriller written all over it.
"Something funny about this, boy?" Charlie blustered, his face darkening.
"No, sir," I replied, sobering quickly. "It's just, I had a very similar conversation with my own father recently. But I'll tell you what I told him- I will always treat Bella with the utmost respect she deserves. Believe that."
I was looking him straight in the eye to prove myself trustworthy. While I still felt a pang at how close his accusation had hit my underbelly, I tried to remember Alice's words. That it was my actions that mattered most, and as long as the wrong intentions didn't drive my actions I needed to stop beating myself up for the shit my mind spewed out while stressed.
He must have seen something on my face because he nodded and sat back in his armchair. He watched me with intense regard, making me squirm internally. I did not want to show weakness to this man. That didn't negate the fact that I was still as far away from him as I could be, though if there was a way to get further away I'd take it.
"I have a question for you," he said in a low voice, after what felt like minutes, but could have barely been one. "How exactly did you come to contact my daughter?" He crossed his arms over his chest and raised a thick eyebrow at me.
I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable under his penetrating gaze. It was like I could feel his thoughts pelting me, demanding nothing but the truth.
"Well, um. I'm sure Bella told you the important stuff," I lied hopefully. I had no idea what Bella had or hadn't told her father about me, but I certainly didn't want to share the hot water I seemed to be in with her. "And of course, you've read my letter." Not knowing what else to say, my voice tapered off.
"Bella told me squat," Charlie huffed. "All she said was that you 'contacted' her." He made air quotes, in what probably passed for sarcasm for this fairly quiet man.
Suddenly, he sat forward in his chair, leaning toward me in an intimidating fashion. "But your letter? That painted a little bit of a different picture. One where I have to wonder how much of it was engineered."
With that one word - engineered - Charlie's aim ran true and I could feel his daggers pierce my sift core. No matter what Alice could rationalize about my behavior, I would always feel guilty for the way I had originally inserted myself into Bella's life by attending her counseling sessions.
I froze. Had Bella told him anything about us meeting at the sessions? Charlie said she hadn't told him anything, and I really didn't want to stick my foot in any traps.
With what little air I still had in my lungs I asked, "What do you mean by that?"
"What were you doing at the hospital?" asked Charlie in return, not taking his eyes off me.
"I was visiting my father."
"Your father's sick?"
"No, he's the head of cardiothoracic surgery there."
That surprised him. "Oh."
"I'd had a fight with my parents the night before," I explained. "I was on my way to the airport, but I wanted to stop and talk with him; apologize. I was leaving through the lobby when I saw Bella."
"So, then you found her on Facebook?" Charlie prodded.
"No, not for about two months," I answered, trying not to seem evasive.
His face turned puzzled. "Why wait so long?"
I didn't really know how or actually want to explain to Bella's father what I went through after I first saw her. It was all such a tangled mess after that day, and it certainly wouldn't paint me in the best light to this highly suspicious man. But I would have to give him an explanation that was close to the truth because the look he was giving me was definitely his Chief Swan look and it made me feel like he'd spot a lie a mile off.
"I was dealing with a lot. I was moving back here from Chicago, which is what my parents and I had fought about the night before I left. They wanted me to and I didn't. But, seeing Bella brought up a lot of stuff about Maria I hadn't processed, and it made me finally realize I wasn't okay; that I needed their help. It was after I had moved back to Seattle that my sister, Alice, found her on Facebook."
Charlie sat back in his chair, regarding me while he stroked his mustache. There were no other sounds in the room, besides the heavy fall of rain against the outside of the house. Bella was not kidding when she said it was rainy here.
After what felt like, maybe, five minutes of sitting in silence, Charlie blew out a deep breath and rubbed his face tiredly. He had to be exhausted, after spending all day out on a mountain and then coming home to a night like this one. Shifting forward and getting up from the padded armchair, he shot me one last look, scooped up the folder with the background information Bella's brother had collected, and then left the room.
I definitely picked up the implication that he was in no way ready to trust me yet.
Feeling uncomfortable in the strange home, I silently made my way up the stairs to the room Bella had said I could sleep in earlier that evening.
As I walked past the door of her room, I could hear Bella's muffled sobs. Stopping, I gently knocked on the wood.
"Bella?" I whispered. After waiting a moment for any sign of a response, I tried again. "Bella? Please, if- if you need anything, please, just knock on my door. Okay?" I waited for another moment before I turned and quietly made my way to the bedroom I was staying in tonight.
Laying in the queen bed, listening to the rain tapping against the window, I tried to think through everything that I learned tonight. I could still hear Bella's quieting whimpers through the wall, and I wish I could go to her, comfort her. Eventually, even those cries grew softer, until I couldn't hear anything over the sound of the rain.
~oOo~
"Edward," a soft voice called to me, reaching me in the depths of my sleep. I wasn't dreaming, just surrounded by silken darkness, listening to a gentle rushing hum. The voice floated down to me like a single firefly, though it cast no light, softly fluttering over me. It sounded familiar and the melodic voice drew me towards it. I wanted to get to it with every fibre of my being.
My body shook and the delicate voice called to me again, "Edward."
I began to rouse, feeling momentarily confused by my surroundings. The monotonous din of the rain as it pelted the glass brought everything back into focus as I looked around the barely lit room, finding Bella standing over the side of the bed.
"Bella?" I said gruffly, my voice laden with sleep. A sudden yawn took over and my body involuntarily stretched from its prostrate position. When I finally recovered, I looked back at her with much more awake eyes. "Hey. What's up?"
"Hey," Bella still whispered. "Sorry to wake you."
She looked so unsure, twisting her fingers, and biting her bottom lip. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying herself to sleep last night, but she was dressed for the day and her hair had been pulled into a bun on the top of her head.
An instinctual part of me wanted to pull her down to the bed and into my arms, holding her until we both fell back into the blissful release of sleep. That part of me must still be lost in dreamland, so I rubbed my eyes again to dispel the image that had blossomed behind them.
"No, it's all good. What's wrong?" She looked so worried. I wanted to reach up and pull her chin to release her lip from her teeth. She looked like she was going to bite right through it at any moment.
"Um," she hesitated for a moment, before taking a small breath as if to give her courage. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind leaving early? I… I think I just want to go home now."
I could see how much the last evening had taken out of her. Bella's face looked drawn, and her body showed how exhausted she truly was. A similar weariness had settled over me, though I'm sure it paled in comparison to how she was feeling. Still, as much as the idea of getting out of bed right now sounded like pure hell, I knew that I would do it for Bella.
"Oh. Yeah… um… that's fine," I said, trying to hide the slight note of surprise in my voice. She moved back as I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat up. "What time is it?"
Bella winced. "It's about six-thirty, sorry."
"You didn't want to stick around and talk to your dad again or anything?"
She shook her head at that. "He's already gone to work. I was awake early, and we talked a little before he headed out."
"Alight." I rubbed my hands over my face again and up through my hair. I was sure it was standing up in every direction by the amused look Bella couldn't keep from her face. "Give me a little bit to wake up and we can hit the road."
"You could have a shower if you like. And while you're in there, I could make a quick breakfast and some coffee."
"That sounds good," I said.
Smiling at her as I stood up and went to get a change of clothes from my bag, which I'd thrown on the chair in the corner last night. As I turned around, I saw Bella come back into the bedroom with a folded towel.
"Here," she said, handing it to me before heading downstairs.
The warm water did wonders in dispelling the dregs of sleep that still clung to me. I stood under the spray for longer than I should have, as a guest in someone else's home. But by the time I was finished, I felt more human and less like I was going to yawn so hard I'd lose vision while driving.
Aromas of toast and coffee greeted me when I exited the bathroom. Right on cue, my stomach rumbled, already appreciating whatever Bella had made. I grabbed my bag quickly, stuffing my old clothes inside without bothering to fold them. I noticed the bed had been stripped of the sheets. Bella must have come up while I was in the shower to get them, so it wasn't left for Sue to do later.
When I walked into the kitchen, Bella had finished making fried egg sandwiches, which looked to be gooey with melted cheese and was setting them on the table. Shooting her a broad smile, I fetched myself a mug from the cupboard above the coffee maker and poured the liquid gold all the way to the brim. It was a treacherous journey to the table as I tried not to spill a single drop before I got to my seat.
Once our stomachs were full and we'd both consumed enough coffee to make us fully functioning adults once more, we gathered our small collection of bags and headed out to the car. Thankfully it was only drizzling, the small droplets barely big enough to make you feel like you were getting wet.
Bella was quiet as we made our way through the still sleepy town. The sun had only just begun its journey for the day, though the thick ever-present cloud cover dulled its impact and washed everything in a pale light. There were few cars on the road, most turning off at various businesses on the main street, or to the church. I kept shooting glances in her direction, trying to assess what she could be thinking, but she kept her face turned to the window as we passed through the town.
After about twenty minutes of driving, where the whooshing of the rain outside and the tires against the wet road were the only sounds that filled the car, Bella suddenly jolted in her seat and demanded in a firm voice, "PULL OVER!"
I quickly pulled the car to the right, onto the side of the road, breaking firmly to bring us to a stop. Feeling panicked, I turned in my seat to see Bella looking behind us to a spot on the other side of the road, about fifty feet back.
"What's wrong?" I asked, trying not to sound too much like I was about to jump out of my own skin with anxiety.
She didn't say anything to explain, just continued to stare out the back window. I checked all the mirrors, trying to subtly see what Bella was looking at. But to me, it looked like exactly every other stretch of the 101 between here and Seattle.
Bella had gone very still. Her face, which was usually flushed various shades of pink, was now devoid of all color, leaving her porcelain white and just as delicate looking. Her usually warm and rich brown eyes were glazed over and unfocused, looking like she could dissolve into tears at any moment.
Trying to get her attention gently, I reached out and softly touched her shoulder. "Bella? Are you okay?"
With a deeply sad sigh, she turned back to sit in her seat, her face buried in her hands. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice heavy with barely restrained emotion.
"Hey, it's okay," I said in as soothing a tone as I could. Reaching out, I rubbed my hand over her shoulder blades and back where I could feel the tension she was holding in. "What's going on?"
After a few moments where I thought she was trying to center herself with a few breathing exercises, I quickly realized she was actually crying softly. My heart broke for her. I had no idea what was going on, why she wanted me to stop the car, or why she was crying, and I wished that I could magically make it all better for her.
"Please talk to me, Bella," I almost begged.
Turning her face in her hands to look at me, I could see the tears roll down her apple-round cheeks as she squeezed her eyes to try and make them go away. A sob wrenched out of her, shaking her body even as she tried to regain her composure. Doing what I wished I'd been able to do while listening to her cries through the wall last night, I pulled her to me by her shoulders and hugged her to me over the center console.
It took a few minutes, but finally, Bella's weeping slowed to barely more than a few hiccups. I released her and both sat back in our seats, though I kept hold of one of her hands. With the other she wiped her cheeks, attempting to remove more than just their wetness.
"Are you okay?" I asked again, hoping that now she had purged a good amount of that tension she'd be able to tell me what was going on in her head.
"Yeah," she said, almost automatically. I could see her momentary fight with herself, knowing that I knew that answer was a lie. "No. I'm a mess, obviously. I just… it's hard to…"
She took another quick look over her shoulder and when she turned back to face me, her eyes held a peculiar expression I couldn't place.
"This is where Jake and I had our accident. Somewhere over there," she said softly, pointing back to where she had been fixated on before.
My heart, which had already broken listening to her sobs, shattered at her confession. It was hard seeing her full of so much despair. It tore at me like a wild animal, shredding through the flesh of its prey. All I wanted to do was scoop her back up in my arms and hold her there until she smiled once more.
"Oh, Bella," I murmured empathetically, rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand.
"It's not like I even remember much of that night," she scoffed, turning her face away from me to stare out the front window. "But every time I've had to drive along this part of road since, I feel like I'm going to explode. Today was just… It was too much, you know?"
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
I wanted to know what had happened, to understand what she'd been through, so badly. But I didn't want to push her, especially after having a breakdown from merely driving past the spot. Just like last night, I would have to temper my curiosity in the face of so many mysteries, even if not knowing was twisting me up inside. So, we sat in silence as Bella processed whatever was swirling within her mind and I continued to hold her hand, stroking my thumb over her alabaster skin.
Minutes passed before either of us said anything else. Surprisingly, it was Bella that broke the hushed atmosphere that had settled over us.
"It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life," she said in a voice so soft that I almost didn't hear her. For nearly thirty seconds she didn't say anything, seemingly lost in thought once again; or maybe lost in memories. I held my breath, hoping she would continue and I wouldn't have to fight the compulsion to ask.
"The 18-wheeler was barreling down the middle of the road, and we didn't see it until we came around the bend just up there." She pointed further ahead on the road, where the pavement bent gently and disappeared amongst the trees. "I tried to move as far over as I could to get out of its way, but it clipped the side of the car with its back wheel and sent us spinning. We ended up rolling and didn't stop until we hit the tree embankment. By the time help arrived, Jake was already gone. I was rushed to the hospital and spent the next nine hours in surgery, ending up in a medically induced coma for two weeks.
"I broke several ribs and both my left arm and leg, along with a severe neck injury. My lung collapsed and my spleen had ruptured, but the worst was probably the head injury. I'd cracked my head against the door. That's what caused the swelling that resulted in the coma."
A tear slid down her face and I couldn't stop myself. Cupping her cheek in my palm, I wiped away as much evidence of her sorrow as I could. Bella's eyes slid closed and she turned her face into my hand still cupping her cheek. I don't know if she was entirely aware she was doing it, because only a moment later she had straightened up and sat back in her seat.
"What about the driver?" I asked in a hushed voice.
"He didn't even slow down. Turns out he hadn't slept in two days and was taking drugs to stay awake for the last push of his drive. While I was in the coma, Dad spent practically every minute he could tracking down the truck. He single-handedly went through the traffic light footage from six other towns and ended up subpoenaing the footage from the trucking company's onboard cameras."
"What happened to him?"
"He went to jail. Vehicular homicide. He was sentenced to thirty years without parole, but seeing as he was in his late fifties at the time, I doubt he'll see the outside of a prison again." Bella's voice had taken on a darker edge. She was normally such a warm and compassionate person; it was odd to hear her sound cold or indifferent for the first time.
I, however, was not always compassionate, and I was satisfied to hear that the person who had caused Bella so much pain and suffering would never get to enjoy his freedom again.
"He got what he deserved," I told her darkly.
In a whisper, barely loud enough for me to hear, Bella said, "But did I?"
I was shocked by the direction of her thoughts and my tone was harsher than it should have been. "What?!"
My abrupt outburst made her jump and her eyes well up once more. She tried to hold it back but her shoulders still trembled with her short breaths.
"Bella, I'm sorry," I pleaded. "I-I shouldn't have said that like that. But, what did you mean? What could you possibly deserve punishment for?"
She dropped her face to her hands again, and her shoulders shook, but this time she kept talking through her tears.
"It was my fault Jake was in the car that night! If he hadn't come with me, he would be alive right now. He's dead, and it should never have happened!"
I couldn't believe this angel of a woman thought she was in any way responsible for what happened to her and her fiance. She was innocent in all this, and she was crushing herself under a boulder of guilt. How could she ever think she deserved this torment?
"It's not your fault! Why would you think that? Would it be your fault if you invited me out for a hike and I was mauled by a mountain lion? Of course not!" I gripped her shoulder firmly and gently shook her. "You are not to blame for someone else's behavior, and you are certainly not to blame for a senseless accident. Please, you have to believe that."
"If-if he hadn't come with me…" she tried to argue through her sobs.
"NO," I retorted firmly. "You are not to blame, Bella! It's not your fault that you were driving safely home with your fiance when an out-of-control driver, behind the wheel of a dangerous vehicle, careened into your path. Unfortunately, people die in accidents all the time. But that's what they are - accidents. You have to forgive yourself, or this is going to eat you up inside."
"I don't know if I can," Bella whimpered.
How do you make someone see that they are innocent if they believe themselves to be guilty? Bella had convinced herself that by simply being the one driving, she was the one responsible. But I had a feeling it was more that she was the one that survived.
"Bella, can I ask you a question?" I waited a moment to see what her answer would be, and after a few seconds, she nodded her head. "If Jake had been the one driving, the one who survived the accident, would you want him to take on all this guilt that you're drowning in? Would you want him to feel the way you're feeling right now?"
Her breath shuddered as she tried again to dry her face. "No," she whispered.
"Then, Honey, why is it okay for you to carry it? Do you think Jake would want you to feel this way? To keep living this way? You are not responsible for what happened. I know you feel like you're the reason Jake was there in the first place, but for whatever reason he was there, that doesn't negate the fact that it. Was. Not. Your. Fault." I made sure to look into her eyes while I said that, making sure she really heard what I was saying.
"Guilt and responsibility are not the same thing, Bella." As I said the words, I felt like I was also saying them to myself. I had carried so much guilt for not waking up while Maria was dying; for not being able to do anything to save her life. But it was not my fault anymore that Jacob's death was Bella's. "Feeling guilty because you lost someone senselessly is natural. You had someone you loved ripped from you, and you could do nothing to stop it. Being afraid because we are powerless in the face of death is natural. But you are not responsible just because you're the one here. You're not responsible because Jake wouldn't have been in the car usually. You're not responsible because you were the one driving. And you are NOT responsible because you are the one that survived. Do you understand me?"
Nodding back at me, Bella's voice was hoarse but still louder than before. "Yes."
I sagged back into my seat with a small sigh. "I know it's not as easy as me asking and you saying yes, but I really just want you to hear me right now. Please forgive yourself, because this guilt will only make you feel more hollow."
With her posture stronger, and the set of her face more sure, Bella once again nodded her head. But this time, it was with more conviction.
~oOo~
Just like on the drive the previous morning, Bella stared quietly out the window for nearly an hour, before falling asleep. Curled in on herself against the window, she looked more relaxed than she's had since I picked her up yesterday. Even when she'd fallen asleep before, she'd been tenser in her seat. Gripping the seatbelt, even in her dreams.
But now the lines of the face were smooth. There was no more crease between her eyebrows or little frowns. Now she looked peaceful, the corners of her mouth even turning up every now and then. Her shoulder looked relaxed, and every now and then her fingers would flex against her lap, where her hands lay open, palms up.
She reminded me so much of Maria, curled up in the passenger seat. Maria and I had been on many road trips together, and I remember many times when she had fallen asleep in exactly the same way while we cruised down some highway, on some adventure together.
I missed her so much. She had been my best friend my entire life. The person with who I shared all my stories. Almost all of my anecdotes involve her.
Some men might think me lame for having been with only one woman my entire life, but I never felt like I was missing out on anything by not dating. I had never doubted I loved Maria, and when she wanted more than just friendship, I was more than happy with the change between us. I was a teenage boy at the time, so there wouldn't have been many objections. But even as we grew up, we didn't grow apart, and I never felt like I needed anything else.
It was why I felt so conflicted when spending time with Bella. On the one hand, I cherished getting to know her because she was a genuinely good and honestly fascinating person. Yet, on the other hand, I felt a deep and gnawing shame that accompanies a betrayal. I felt like I was betraying Maria by enjoying my time with Bella. And then, on the other other hand, there was the feeling that I was betraying Bella every time I compared her to her sister.
It hurt a surprising amount to be reminded of Maria when around Bella. When she played the remixed version of Fools Rush In yesterday, it felt like I was going to have a panic attack. My body had frozen and it took a long time to completely calm myself down.
The song had been one we had danced to at our wedding. We got married in Eleazar's small town in Tuscany, which while gorgeous, was quite remote. It took nearly an hour on a mostly unpaved road to reach the village. Most things had gone to plan, seen as we had kept our plans fairly simple for an Italian wedding. However, the musicians we had hired to play during our ceremony and reception couldn't get to the town because of a road closure, and the only available musicians we could find was a band of middle-aged men that spoke no English and only sang Italian classics, or Elvis.
By the time it got to our first dance, the singer had had quite a few glasses of wine, and what began as quite a beautiful rendition of Can't Help Falling in Love With You merged fluidly into Fools Rush In and back again. To their credit, the band kept up without batting an eyelid. It was honestly quite impressive and showed that it wasn't the first time that had happened. But what resulted was an incredibly unique song, made only once; only for us.
After that, both songs became our songs. Hearing one, even though it was only a cover, brought up too many memories that were now bitter-sweet.
Soft groans from the passenger seat interrupted one of those memories sometime later. "No. Stop," said Bella in a clear tone.
Thinking she wanted me to pull over again, I looked over at her only to find her still sleeping, her eyes fluttering behind her closed lids. It seemed Bella talked in her sleep. It was also something Maria had never done. The small crease between her brows was back, and her lips were pouted in displeasure. While she wasn't distressed, it seemed her dream wasn't entirely agreeable. A few moments later, her fingers twitched like she took hold of something.
"Edward," she murmured, and my heart skipped a beat. She was dreaming of me? What is it that she wanted me to stop?
I began to imagine all sorts of horrible dream sequences that may be plaguing Bella. Me actually making everything up to scam her, or maybe getting her into another car accident? My mind began to spiral when Bella's soft voice stopped my heart again.
"Don't go."
My breath hitched and I suddenly couldn't move, which was definitely not a good thing when you're driving at speed on a highway. I felt winded, and yet like I was on the verge of laughter for some reason.
She was dreaming of me, and she didn't want me to go? I wanted to know even more what she was thinking, what was happening inside her head. I wanted to know exactly what we were doing in her dream, and if she had dreamed about me before.
Once again I felt the sting of guilt in my heart. I needed something else to concentrate on besides fascination and fantasies of Bella's dream world. Wanting to find safety in my memories once more, I brought up my song library and hurriedly scrolled through until I found the large catalogue of Elvis albums. With the sound on just low enough to hear the music over the whirring of the car, I pressed play and hoped the King could soothe my troubled soul.
~oOo~
As we began to reach the out edge of the city, Bella began to wake up. The change in the movement of the car or the sound of the traffic must have woken her. Momentarily confused, she looked around trying to find some sort of landmark to indicate where we were.
"Wow, we're almost there," she said, her voice still laden with sleep.
"Yeah, traffic wasn't too bad. It only just started to get busy."
"I'm so sorry," Bella apologized unexpectedly. "You've gone to so much trouble driving me all the way to Forks and back, and all I've done both drives is sleep. It's so rude of me."
I couldn't help but laugh at her a little. "Don't worry about it. I actually like driving, and I'm not so bad at silently sitting with my own thoughts."
"Come on," she scoffed. "You must have been bored senseless the entire time."
"I can assure you I wasn't," I said, hoping my tone didn't sound too serious.
"Still, I should have been better company. I apologize." She was definitely as stubborn as Maria had been.
"Apology accepted, so let's drop it, please," I said, shooting her a playful glare.
Pulling up outside of Bella's apartment building caused an odd anxiety to bubble up inside of me. I didn't want her to go. If I'd had been able to get away with it without coming across as a certified creep, I would have spent the rest of the day just driving around the city so I could spend time with her. Bella didn't immediately get out, which made me wonder if she felt the pull as well. It seemed neither of us knew how to end our time together.
After a few awkward minutes, Bella reached for the door handle. "Well, thank you again, Edward. I know it must have been a weird weekend for you, but I really, really appreciate everything you've done."
"You're welcome, Bella. I was happy to do it. And it wasn't that awkward," I added with a wink, which made her laugh.
"I'll see you tomorrow night," she said with a smile.
"Oh. Ah… No, you won't," I quickly said, hoping I could tell her about my plan before she left. "I'm not going to come to the sessions anymore."
That made her freeze, hand on the handle ready to pull it open. "What? What do you mean?" Her voice held a note of panic, though I may have been imagining that.
"Well," I said, rubbing my neck and feeling slightly uncomfortable. "I felt like I was… imposing too much into your life. That was a place where you felt safe, and I kind of felt like I disrespected that. I was going to find another group, or maybe even go see a therapist one-on-one."
"You don't have to do that," Bella said, a little clipped. Then, after a breath, she added, "Not unless that's what you really want, of course."
I studied her for a moment, trying to figure out how far I was willing to go, how deep I was willing to dig myself with Bella. I could still feel the pull that had first drawn me so violently to her, even if it had tempered as the shock had worn off. I could see myself wanting to enmesh myself in her life, to bask in as much of her warmth as she was willing to give me. But I worried that would only result in the outcome that both our fathers were worried about.
Once again it was Alice's words that wormed their way to the forefront. Leave it up to Bella. Listen to her and follow her lead. Let your actions be the judge of your character. It sounded like Bella didn't mind my presence at the counselling sessions, so who would it harm if I went?
"If you're sure." My voice was still thick with trepidation.
But Bella's smile was reassuring. "I'm sure, Edward. The meetings are for anyone who is dealing with grief, which you are. You need help to heal just as much as me. You helped me so much today, just by talking to me, and you deserve that too."
Reaching over, she placed her hand gently on my arm. I felt my skin buzz at the contact. "Please don't stop coming just because of me."
Shooting her an unsure smile, I took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll come. I'll be there tomorrow."
The smile she gave me in return was blinding, making her whole face light up from within like an incandescent bulb. "Good. I'll see you then, then."
With that, she opened the door and was gone inside the building before I could even register her absence. A feeling of loss swept over me, leaving me yearning for more time. I would be counting down the minutes until tomorrow when I would see her again.
This was a bit of turning point for both Edward and Bella, and also for the story. Part of the mystery has been solved, but there are still so many questions.
As always, I love to hear what you think, so please leave a review.
Until next time, lovelies!