"Reinforcements," Adams showed Simone a box of grapes and offered her. She had been sitting on the gurneys with a notepad on her hand, "What's this?"
Simone turned her notebook to give him better access to her drawing. On her notebook, she had written some surgical notes and drawings in the shape of a clock, "It's um, just something I came up with to remind me of the steps for the surger today."
Lucas studied the drawing carefully. He admired her for her brilliance. She was confident and focused. Always focused. And out of the rest of the group, she had been the most talented. Lucas glanced at her and smiled, "You checked in with Grey?"
"I did," Simone nodded, "You?"
"On my way in a second, Shepherd wants me to check in first," Lucas nodded as he popped a grape into his mouth.
He studied the notebook before Griffith asked, "Is it weird?"
"What?"
"That she's your- and he's- they're," Simone giggled, "Sorry it's just that with that baggage, I'd run for the hills."
Adams nodded as he took the notebook in his own hands, "I didn't want to be here. I knew that I would be under his shadow and Amelia's shadow all the time. And then I realized Grey was chief and it only made it worse. They're all surgical royalty and I-"
"Are here because you couldn't get anywhere else," Simone shyly asked, "That's why you asked them not to rat you out."
"I thought it'd be easier. All my life I've been Shep."
"Shep?"
"Yeah, it's my uh middle name but my uncle," Adams chuckled, "It was his nickname in med school so my mom named me after-"
"Got it, okay," Simone smiled. He'd been Luke, Adams, or Skywalker to everyone. Never Shep. And none of the other attendings had ever called him that. At least not in the hospital. There was a lot to him that she didn't completely know. Then again there was also a lot about herself she wasn't ready to share.
Lucas sighed, "I've been tied to them or my mom and her other sisters-"
"Wait, are they all-"
"Doctors? Yeah," Lucas scoffed, "I just wanted to not be a Shepherd. Just once. And then I end up surrounder by all of them"
Simone nodded and the sound of his phone ended their confessional.
"I uh," Lucas handed back the notebook to her, "Shepherd. Derek. I should go."
He took the container of grapes and smiled at her again, "Thanks."
Simone smiled gently, "Anytime."
"Hey," Lucas entered the room where Derek had scans pulled up, "You paged?"
"I did," Derek nodded as he read something on his phone. He stashed it in his coat pocket before gesturing to the scans on the screen, "The scans for your patient just got back and Grey wanted to go over this but she got caught up.
"So, now you're a general surgeon?" Lucas scoffed.
"This isn't my area of specialty but I know the procedure and the Chief was very detailed on what she wants," Derek shook his head in amusement before turning serious, "The patient's pancreatitis formed a psuedoanurysm of the GDA right there."
Derek pointed to the scans as Lucas carefully followed. He analyzed it carefully before stepping back.
"This is where the Kocher maneuver gets tricky so you're gonna want to be extra careful," Derek stepped back and glanced quickly at the intern, "You got it?"
"Okay," Lucas nodded as he noticed Derek become distracted with a text, "Everything okay?"
"Yeah," Derek looked up, "Erin was supposed to get Bailey from practice today but she's sick so I'm trying to get one of our back up babysitters to pick him up later today."
Lucas raised his brows, "Oh uh, I may be able to get him-"
"No, you have this surgery and I need your head in this- you need your head in this."
"And it is," Lucas chuckled, "But if I'm outta here earlier than maybe I can get him on my way home. C'mon you say so yourself, your kid likes me."
"And he does but I also know you're here for this. For surgery. Not to be my kids' babysitter," Derek sighed, "Tell you what, If I can't find anyone and if you're out on time, you can get him."
Lucas turned back to the scans and nodded. The attending took notice how he fiddled with his knuckles. One by one he twisted each finger. He could tell Lucas was worried. Nervous even. It had been something he had been doing as a kid when scary things happened.
"She's not gonna go easy on you, you know that," Derek sighed, "You sure you're ready?"
Lucas gulped slightly as he tapped on the back of his hand. He was ready. At least he thought he was.
"Shep?"
"What? Yeah, I'm uh," Lucas looked up to him with a slight grin, "I'm good."
"If this is too much for you, if you think you're not ready," Derek muttered quietly, "Now's the time to say something."
"No I'm-"
"Sometimes the best thing a surgeon could do is step back," Derek advised, "Think very carefully if-"
"I got it, Dr. Shepherd," Lucas' head shot up, "I'm ready."
Dr. Shepherd. Right. The reminder that within the four walls of the hospital, he was merely his teacher.
And even though his last name was Adams, Derek was certain there was a spark of Shepherd in him. It was only a matter of time and a push in the right direction. A fostering of confidence, the way that Richard had fostered that when he was a resident.
"Okay Dr. Adams," Derek nodded as his phone beeped again, "Crap, I'm getting paged. I'll try to check in or to step into the gallery while you're in there."
Lucas nodded before he glanced at the screen. Suddenly there was a weight on his shoulders again as his attending left the room.
"Dr. Adams?"
Lucas turned once more to him with a questioning gaze.
"You can do this."
"Dana," Derek walked into the exam room and extended his hand to the woman, "I'd ask how you're doing but I got Addison's email. You're son has a brain tumor, I'm so sorry."
"Thank you," she nodded, "I'm sorry this is such short notice but I'm just-"
"Oh please, don't apologize," he shrugged, "I just saw the scans on my over here."
Derek shook his head. Dana had been an old friend from New York. She had arrived to the doors of Grey Sloan insisting on setting an appointment with Dr. Shepherd. Whichever one just as long as it was a Shepherd, she had said. She had done this despite the fact that Addison had already emailed Derek telling him to expect a visit from Dana. She needed a surgeon- a good one. A great one. And she'd possibly need both Shepherds to help but given his history with impossible tumors, she pointed her towards him.
As soon as Derek received the page, he had run to the front desk fully aware who needed him so urgently. If it had been any of his children, he'd receive the news personally. Or even from Erin herself.
"I'm so sorry," Derek gulped, "The scans show that the tumor has grown and it's encroaching on the brain stem. I have to get in there quickly if we're gonna-"
"Addie said you had a ten year old?" the woman gulped, "I took him to her practice in LA and they sent me here. She said he's around my Dan's age?"
Derek nodded slowly, "I have three but my boy is around his age, yes."
"He is the only thing I have, Derek," Dana sniffed back tears, "I would give up the entire world for my kid."
Derek nodded. Any parent would. Any sane parent who loved their child would give up anything for their child. It was a weight and responsibility that carried no manual and had no tools. Just instinct and the knowledge of what they knew previously.
"Do what you need to do," Dana looked back into the room, "I'll sign whatever you need me to sign but please just save my son."
"Fifty says he tanks" Yasuda asked as they watched the surgery, "He seems distracted."
"Hundred says he gets kicked out," Kwan shifted in his own as Yasuda passed by him, "Griffith's good and Grey likes her. She should be fine."
"Please, he's one of them, it's practically in his blood," Millin rolled her eyes.
"Kwan," Derek rushed in. He took notice how the interns sat up straighter and kept their eyes on the procedure, "I know I said you could watch Dr. Grey, but I need you on a case. Go prep my patient."
"Yes sir," Kwan eagerly pushed his way out as he took the tablet from Derek's hand.
"Where are they?" Derek asked the other interns.
"Oh um, on the Kocher maneuver," Yasuda answered as all the interns straightened up.
Derek nodded in approval, "Which is?"
Down in the OR, Adams and Grey worked on a patient. Simone observed over them.
"Dr. Adams," Meredith looked up, "describe the what I'm doing."
"You are mobilizing the duodenum and pancreatic head off the IVC," he answered as he gripped the retractor. He quickly glanced up to see that another surgeon had joined the rest of the interns. Lucas looked back down and shook his head.
No room for mistakes, he repeated to himself, focus.
"And why are we doing this Dr. Adams?" she followed up.
Lucas stared off into the monitor before shaking his head, "Oh, um, you want to remove all tissue anterior to the IVC."
Derek was about to walk about when he heard the chief call out to her intern.
"Adams! Why are you spacing out, you have to follow me," she chided, "I cannot work if I cannot visualize the field."
"I'm on it," he refocused.
"No you're not," Meredith sighed, "This isn't a skills lab and you are clearly tired. I'm sorry but you need to step back-"
"Dr. Grey-"
Derek looked back down to the gallery. He noticed the panic in Adams' eyes and the frustration in Meredith's. When he had assigned Lucas, he was sure the kid could handle it. He was certain this would be the surgery he needed to boost that ego, that confidence, and make him believe he would- he could live up to the family name.
"Dammit, that's the second time he spaces," Millin shook her head, "Kwan's gonna have a field day."
They didn't bother to check if their director had heard, and even if they did, they'd realize that he hadn't given that he had been too focused on what was happening down in the OR.
"No, Adams, I'm sorry," Dr. Grey looked up defeated and frustrated, "You are free to observe but you need to step back.
"But-"
"One knick to the patient's abdominal aeorta and we are done. So no sorry, you are done."
Griffith stepped in as Adams handed off the retractor to her. Effectively ending his time assisting.
"What the hell happened in there? I thought it was going well and then I hear you asking him to step back?"
Meredith turned from the drain to the doctor standing at the door, "Derek, you were in the gallery you saw what happened, he wasn't prepared-"
Derek blinked, "You were being too-"
"No, no, Derek, I was not," Meredith stopped and pointed at him, "I was not being too tough on him-"
"You had Griffith by your side, you were waiting for her-"
"No, I was not! It's not my fault she was prepared and Lucas was not," Meredith shook her head, "Derek, you saw what happened. He was spacing out and he wasn't focused."
Voices were raised. Frustration and dissapointment hung poignantly in the air. They were both great surgeons. Excellent teachers. But sometimes their egos, their pride, were too big to share the same space.
But this wasn't about pride or ego. It was about the belief in their students, no matter who they were. Or who they were related to.
Derek placed each hand on his waist as he shook his head "He was fine and knew each and every step before I let him-"
"Dr. Shepherd, that was before he had his hands on the patient. Not when, before. If this were any other intern. If this were Kwan or Yasuda, Millin or Griffith, would you be in here-?"
"What are you trying to say?" Derek crossed his arms and furrowed his brows. He hadn't expected such an accusation. He hadn't even heard it and he already knew what was coming.
"A concern was raised, Derek," Meredith whispered, "There was a concern that you were possibly-"
"What? I was possibly what?" Derek asked with a furrowed brow, "Dr. Grey?"
Meredith gulped. She was the chief. She had to tell him upfront. She was the chief. This was her job. The marriage was outside the hospital, not in the OR.
"Dr. Shepherd, the attendings are concerned that you are not providing the rest of the interns with an equitable opportunity to learn due to your personal connection with Dr. Adams." Meredith breathed heavily. It was like she had just ran from a monster that kept running after her and she finally lost it.
Derek remained quiet before shaking his head, "I told you this would happen."
"Derek-"
"You brought him in. You hired him. I told you- Amy and I both told you everyone would say we were playing favorites and now you're accusing me of doing just that?"
"I'm not accusing you."
"No, you're not," he spewed angrily, "But somebody is. I have tried to remain as neutral as I possibly can and kept his secret until Amelia told the entire class-
"That is not on me," Meredith reminded him as she raised his voice to his level, "It's not my fault Lucas and Amelia couldn't keep things professional and gave the interns a reason to believe-"
"You gave me the job," he insisted, "I didn't ask for it! You said, 'Derek I'm making you Director of the Residency Program. I trust you.' That's what you said!"
"I did- I do trust you!" Meredith argued back, "But I am also doing my job as chief. And my job as chief is to listen to all of my attendings not feed your ego!"
Derek paced around angrily. He could feel the blood drain from his face as he tried to control his temper.
"I am the one that bears responsibility if anything goes wrong, Derek!" Meredith continued, "You had the job, you know that!"
Meredith could feel the frustration in every drop in her body. There was already so much happening at home. Zola's anxiety. Bailey's outbursts. The fact that she and Derek had been at odds about moving forward with Zola.
She was also the chief of surgery in one of the most prolific hospitals in the country. People depended on her. Lives depended on her.
She didn't need this problem now.
"I wouldn't have given you the job if I didn't trust you," she continued calmly, "But if any attending has any concern, it's my job-."
Derek rubbed his face as he quietly asked, "Who raised the concern? Hunt? Ndugu? Altman?"
"I can't-" Meredith swallowed a lump. She couldn't tell him.
"Amy?" Derek asked again, "Amelia came to you."
"Derek, it was not your sister! And I can't-"
"Pierce?"
Meredith said nothing, "I can't tell you-
"Your face says everything you're thinking. That's never changed," he muttered angrily, "Maggie brought it up, didn't she?"
"Der-"
"No, it's fine," Derek opened the door and began to walk out.
"Dr. Shepherd!"
The doors shuffled closed as he stormed out of the scrub room. The other set of doors opened with Griffith running in.
"Dr. Grey you need to come in here!"
"Derek!" Maggie walked up to him, "Okay, I was a little mean earlier when you asked about the Winston thing and I think it's because-"
Derek sighed angrily, "I don't have time, Dr. Pierce-"
Dr. Pierce? He rarely called her that when they discussed personal matters in fact, he never called her Dr. Pierce unless they were in a professional setting. She was either Maggie or Mags- though she wasn't always fond of the latter.
Maggie furrowed her brows, "I'm sorry, okay. It's just that-"
"You know the next time you're having a problem with how I run the residency program, I'd appreciate it if you gave me the courtesy of discussing it with me before you run to the chief," Derek stopped and faced her.
"Excuse me?" She scoffed. She hadn't expected Meredith to giver her up that way. There was a decorum chiefs were expected to follow.
"You couldn't talk to me about Adams you went straight to Meredith?" Derek asked.
"Derek-"
"Maggie, we've been discussing you needing to let them do their jobs in cardio, I brought in Schmitt and give you Griffith and yet you go to Meredith-"
"Really Dr. Shepherd? By my standards it seems like you don't want him to fail so you hold his hand every chance you get!"
"That's not what I'm doing!"
"He doesn't get enough practice-"
"You barely give any of the interns any chance-"
The bickering caught the attention of the nurses and fellow colleagues in the hallways of the surgical wing. They could feel the eyes of everyone on them. The whispers and gossip would soon follow.
Maggie shook her head, "How do you expect me to let him scrub in if he can't even remember the steps!"
Margaret Pierce was a hell of a surgeon. Everyone in the hospital knew that. Derek had respected that. She wouldn't make accusations lightly. She wouldn't bring anything up unless it truly bothered her. Sure sometimes she seemed a little immature, but when it came to the profession, she was nothing but level headed. A true daughter of Ellis Grey and Richard Webber.
"No, Dr. Pierce, you're right. He is slow," Derek conceded, "He forgets the steps. He's too much in his head during procedures. I'm not going easy on him, but I know what he can handle. That's my job as Residency Director-!"
"So then what am I still doing here?"
Both surgeons turned around to see a familiar face standing with a heartbroken, disillusioned look in his face.
Derek sighed,"Lucas-"
"No, no, I get it," he looked between Derek and Maggie, "Guess I'll never be good enough, huh? Everything you said earlier was just a load of b-"
Derek blinked, "Shep that's not what I-"
"That's not my name!" Lucas shouted, "It's Lucas."
Derek stared at him surprised at his outburst.
"I just came to tell you I was leaving and was gonna get your kid," Lucas gritted, "It's all I'm good for, apparently, and the only way I'll get your damn respect."
"Lucas? Lucas!" Derek tried to run after him before a voice called after him.
"Dr. Shepherd! We're ready for you," Kwan called out, "Or should I page Dr. Shepherd?
The doors to the OR burst open.
"Chief, you got a second?" Miranda Bailey stepped in. She hadn't scrubbed in yet and she held a mask to her face. She was there to deliver a message. A message she never, ever wanted to deliver.
"I do not, my hands are in my patient. Griffith I need more visualization," Meredith sighed as she explored, "I don't understand what the hell-"
"I can take over-" Bailey stepped forward to look into the field expecting Meredith to step back and leave the room.
"Got it!" Meredith widened her eyes as she quickly worked. She quickly looked up at her former mentor, "You can handle whatever I'm needed for-"
"Dr. Grey," Bailey glared at her. Her tone commanded her attention, "You need to get your hands off the patient now!"
Meredith froze. The last time Miranda had given her an order in such a tone had been during her residency years. In the years of LVAD wire cuts and tampered clinical trials. Now, she wasn't that resident. She was the damn chief of surgery and even she knew that when Miranda Bailey said stop, you stopped. Meredith slowly removed her hands from the field.
As she looked up she realized something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.
"Ben just called," Miranda slowly explained, "There's been an accident."
Meredith froze, this was all too familiar. She'd been here before. She'd been in the middle of this story and it almost ended terribly.
"Where's Derek?"
A/N: Consider this a...mid-season finale.
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