A/N: Previously on.. just kidding. This is a heavy chapter so read with caution.

"Dr. Shepherd! We're ready for you," Kwan called out, "Or should I page Dr. Shepherd?

Derek blinked before turning to Kwan, "Find Dr. Grey tell her to assign this to Dr. Amelia Shepherd, she should be out of surgery-"

"Dr. Grey's still in OR 2, just saw her in there. And Dr. Shepherd is also in the OR."

"Dr. Grey's in-" Derek furrowed his eyebrow, "What do you mean? She was just out-?"

Lucas was out. Lucas had just stormed out and he had watched the surgery till the very end. If Lucas had been dismissed there was no way Meredith could still be in there unless there had been a complication. Which to his bad luck, there was.

"I'm guessing there was a complication?" Kwan shrugged as he confirmed Derek's suspicions, "Dr. Bailey was supposed to be in there by now for an ex-lap."

Derek sighed as he looked to the board. Kwan was right, Bailey was supposed to be next surgeon in the room and Amelia had her own surgery. Derek glimpsed at his own name on the board. He had promised Dana he would watch after her son. He made a promise her son would have a chance.

"Let's go," Derek turned motioned towards the doors leading to the ORs. He tightened his scrub cap as he ignored Dr. Pierce. She stook confused at the sudden outburst.

"Derek, we're not done!" Maggie called out as she watched him march away.

A failure. An absolute failure. He was a failure as a son. As a brother. A husband. A father. And now he could add uncle to the list. Hell maybe even residency director for that matter. He was never good enough.

At least, that's what Derek Shepherd felt every single time he let someone down. And today, he managed to hit a home freakin run. He let down Meredith, Chief Grey, when he was accused of playing favorites.

He let down his nephew when he overheard him rant to Maggie.

But in this OR, he had no room to let anyone down at all. This little boy needed to go home and by God, Derek would make sure he would go home safe and sound. Free of a tumor and on his way to recovery.

In this OR, Dr. Derek Shepherd was perfect. Surgery was what had fed his ego for many years and what made him feel there was some sense of invincibility. The cold steril room reminded him that what he did with his hands required perfection with little room for mistakes. His reputation of being an arrogant ass was fed by his push for perfection.

Derek carefully studied the monitor before grasping the probe handed by the surgical nurse.

"Now we identify the cerebellar tonsils," Derek muttered under his mask, "What's next?"

"You're gonna inspect the inferior vermis," Kwan answered confidently, "You think we'll get the whole tumor? ."

"I think so. Confidence is key in the OR. Confidence in what you can and can't do. This?," Derek replied as he reached for an instrument, "This I can do."

Kwan nodded. He admired the surgeon's confidence. He wanted that. And he envied the way Lucas had been privy to the Shepherds' secrets as surgeons. It must've been a hell of a way to grow up.

The silence in the room was disturbed by a sudden burst through the doors.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Owen called out with a mask over his face, "How long is this gonna take you?"

"I'm pretty deep in here Hunt," Derek peered from his microscope, "Everything okay?"

Owen analyzed the situation. A young boy was on his table with his brain stem wide open. Any miniscule wrong move could compromise the surgery.

And that's exactly why he had been the one to check in on him. Because Owen would know whether or not he could handle it.

"Chief needs the OR as soon as you can," Owen replied.

Derek furrowed his brow as the strict concentration he had in mind was broken by the thought of the chief. When Meredith Grey was pissed, she left little room for communication. It was her way of putting walls up until she was ready. Clearly today all walls were up and Chief Grey had firmly taken over. And Chief Grey had sent Dr. Hunt in to remind him.

Derek rolled his eyes as he felt his insides turn, "Tell the chief there's a ten year old-"

"Derek, just finish and close up as soon as you can," Owen sighed before making his way out. His tone changed from a professional one to a softer much more personal call.

Derek took notice and paused for a second. He took a deep breathe in and proceeded with his work. Dr. Shepherd turned to the monitor and muttered something under his breathe. Once more, the OR had turned into a silent oasis. One where his focus was solely on the patient and the family in the waiting room.

Dana loved her little boy. He was around the same age as his own son. He liked baseball and took baking classes. Ellis would like that. Bailey and him would be friends. Maybe if Dana allowed it, he'd bring Bailey over to keep him company. He'd want someone to do that if it was his son stuck on a hospital bed. A friend to let him forget and make him feel normal again. He had his sisters and they loved their brother. He'd have them to keep him company. But right now, his son was not on the table and his girls did not need to keep him company. Not now.

"Do you think I've been playing favorites?" Derek asked, "With Adams? Do you think I've compromised your learning here?"

Kwan carefully thought of his answer, "Dr. Shepherd-"

"Nevermind," Derek sighed, "Now's not the time. We need to save this patient. Our focus is on him."

Kwan nodded, "Yes, sir."

"Okay, what's next?"

Dana picked at the skin around her nails as she waited in the waiting room. Dana's eyes got a glimpse of a ferryboat scrub cap and stood up quickly, "Derek? How's-?"

Derek smiled as he approached Dana, "We got the spinal tumor out and the spinal metastasis,. He will need radiation of the brain and the spinal chord, but your son is now on the road to recovery."

Dana fell back to her seat as tears streamed down her eyes. Tears of relief.

Derek sat on the chair next to her and rubbed her back, "He's on the road to recovery Dana."

"Thank you," she looked up at him and put her hand over his, "Can I see him? Can I please see my little boy?"

"Of course," Derek nodded as he looked up. Owen stood not too far off waiting for him. Derek nodded and looked towards his intern, "Dr. Kwan is gonna take you up to see him and he is going to run neuro checks every half hour."

He stood from his chair as he turned back to Owen. Something about the way he waited made him feel uneasy. Owen stood by the elevators with his brows pressed together, a look of concern and complete uneasiness was washed over him.

"This is why they say you're the best isn't it?" Dana's voice broke his observation. "You saved my son. How do I-?"

"Dana," Derek reached to reassure her, "You just take care of your little boy okay? And you page me if you need anything. I'll be checking in."

His old friend followed the intern as he motioned towards their path. Derek turned back to Owen and clenched his jaw. He took a few steps forward and met him halfway, "If you're here to tell me that the chief-"

"Um, Dr. Nelson just got here and he is going to take over your patients and I briefed him on this one so he can check in with Kwan. Amelia is making sure everyone gets taken care of so he's got it"

Derek took notice of how Owen didn't take his eyes off his own. He was assessing him.

"This one's personal I'd rather take this on myself," Derek snapped, "Want to tell me what's going on?"

He wouldn't be surprised if she did. He had walked away and had left her alone in the scrub room. He knew her well.

"Okay, look I need you to keep calm for what I'm about to tell you," Owen gulped, "We received a call of a rig coming in with a MVC accident. Ben and the rest of the team answered it and it looks like-"

Lucas had stormed out. Lucas had taken his car. Lucas had left.

Derek's mind spun into an endless array of thoughts. A blindfold over him enveloping him with fear and rage and feelings he couldn't control.

"Spit it out Hunt," Derek froze, "Whose on the rig?"

"There were two passengers in your car-"

Derek pushed him aside as he ran past him to the stairs.

"Shepherd!"

As he pushed past the door, Derek's mind raced.

Way to go Shepherd. Failure once again.

"What happened?" Derek shouted as he ran into the ER, "Where's-? What the hell happened?"

Maggie's head snapped towards him and noticed how Owen trailed behind him. Maggie grimaced as she stepped forward, knowing fully well that he was not in control.

She pushed Derek back before he could storm into the trauma room, "Derek, he's stable. He is stable and he is awake so you need-"

The door behind her opened to reveal Meredith who had fear and anger all over her face.

"Where the hell have you been?" Meredith yelled as she closed the door behind her, "Did you just-?"

"Meredith he just got here" Maggie turned to her, "Owen got him as soon-"

"You knew and you didn't pull me out sooner?" Derek turned to Owen with a bewildered look.

"You were deep in the boy's brain stem," Owen shook his head as he swallowed, "If the role was reversed-"

"You would damn well be just as pissed if it was your-"

"Derek!" Meredith urged. As he turned to her, he noticed the fear that was in her eyes. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong and he didn't even know where to start. Whoever was in that room was someone close.

"He- he, Derek my- Bai-our son's in there-" Meredith stuttered.

"It's not Lucas?" Derek furrowed his brows as he felt his heart drop straight to the floor and the blood drain from his face. His heart pounded in his head and everything around him seemed to slow down. A long buzzing sound echoed all over until a voice pulled him out.

Lucas voice broke through her own, "A car passed a red light and-"

"What the hell were you doing? Were you even paying attention?" Derek yelled as he reached for his nephew, "How the hell did you let this happen?"

He didn't feel when Maggie and Owen tried to push him back or when Meredith called out to him. All he knew was that his son was in a trauma room.

"I-I-I- he hit the passenger side and Bailey-"

"How did you let this happen?" Derek lunged again before being pulled back by Owen.

"Derek, not here," Owen muttered as he held him back, "It's not his fault it was the other driver who was over the speed limit and hit him. Stand down!"

"Get out," Derek gritted at his nephew.

Lucas stared at him dumbfounded before glancing at Meredith. She was helpless and honestly, her face told him that he needed to leave. Right. Now.

"Derek," Meredith stepped forward and stood in front of her husband. She placed her hands on his chest, "Bailey is inside. We need to-"

"I trusted you with my son!" Derek continued yelling as he pulled away from Hunt, "You said you had him!"

Lucas gulped as he felt all eyes on him, "We were at a red light. The guy ran-"

"I don't want to hear it-!" Derek cut him off as Alex pulled the door open.

"Hey!" he scolded , "You and Mer better get in here. Your kid needs you!"

Both parents turned to the doctor. Alex Karev was in there. The chief of pediatric surgery. This wasn't good.

"Where's Derek?"

"He's in a surgery," Bailey answered, "He's in the hospital. He is safe."

Meredith released a held breath, "So then what's wrong?"

Bailey stared at her, "Meredith, there was an accident on 3rd and there were two passengers."

Meredith's heart dropped. Who was supposed to pick the kids up? Derek told her he'd take care of it right? He'd call Jessica to watch the kids since Erin was out. And if she couldn't, he'd cancel the rest of the day.

"Miranda, what the hell is going on?"

"One of the passengers was Lucas Adams," she swallowed. From mother to mother, she knew this news was among the most terrifying ones you could give, "And the second was little Bailey."

"Bailey?"

"He's on his way to the hospital. Ben is in the rig with him. Alex is ready to take him in. Do we pull Derek out?"

The doors burst open again. This time Owen was right behind her, "I just went in. He's still working. Amelia is finishing a in OR 1 and Nelson is thirty minutes out. Do we tell Derek?"

Meredith froze. This is where it all pinned against each other. As chief, it was her duty not to disturb a surgeon in their work. The patient came first. As a mother, she needed to run to her child. As a wife, she knew her husband would need to know. And he'd resent her for keeping this from him. And she'd need him whatever the outcome was with their son.

"Okay you two go," Miranda sighed, "Griffith I'm scrubbing in, I'm taking over for Dr. Grey."

Meredith stood there. Frozen. Unmoving.

"Meredith," Miranda walked towards her, "Go to your son. I got this. Go"

Meredith pulled herself out of the trance and shook her head. She stepped back from the patient and ripped her gown off, "Owen, wait for Derek to finish his surgery before you tell him. As soon as he speaks to the family send him to the ER."

"Meredith-"

"You had this job before and you know him as an attending," Meredith shoved her way to the door as she stared him down, "His hands are in someone's brain. We cannot risk it and he will never forgive himself for making a mistake."

Meredith ran out of the hospital and put her hand over her chest. She breathed heavily as her eyes looked up to the sky. The sounds of the busy city enveloped her as a paramedic rig made it's way out of the driveway. No sirens were heard around but a few nurses giggled as they passed by and if she were honest, Meredith wanted to choke them this instant. Because who the hell could be laughing while her son was being prepped for surgery.

But now was not the time to go numb.

She had lost so much. He sister, her mother, her father, friends. People she loved no matter how much they hurt her. And she had somehow found a way to forgive it all and move forward. That's what she always did. She never froze. She moved forward.

But this? This feeling of her heart being torn out and stomped all over and held on by someone who wouldn't give it back was unbearable. Her son, her child held it and was nearly crushing it. The worst part was he couldn't help it.

"Is he okay?" Lucas' voice broke through the thoughts, "He blames me but I promise you I did not drive recklessly after our fight. I would never do that!"

She jumped as she blinked. She stared at him confused and dazed as to why he was there until she remembered the chaos in the ER that had happened mere minutes ago. She heaved before shaking her head, "He just went into surgery. He- he had free fluid in the abdomen so Karev took him in. It could be a liver lac."

"Oh my god," Lucas sobbed as he ran a hand through his dark har. He paced once before looking up again, "Is he- his head CT-?"

"Clear," Meredith heaved in relief, "It came out clear, he- o-"

"Aunt Mer, I'm so sorry," he cried as he tried to step forward, "I-I-I didn't mean to- we were being safe. I had both hands on the wheel. I stopped at the red-"

"Oh my god," Meredith breathed out, "I- Lucas please for the love of God just shut-"

"He thinks that I-"

His words turned into a buzzing sound that got louder and louder until something just…snapped.

"Lucas! Shut up! Can you please just shut up for a second?" Meredith shouted, "I get that Derek lashed out at you and I know you're scared! But, Lucas, right now, it is not about you! This is about my son and-"

"I know, I know," Lucas stepped back, "I'm sorry, I just- I told him I had it-"

"He was in a car crash. With injuries far worse than you can imagine. And he was mistreated at the hospital they took him to, all while he was awake and alert. Do you know what that's like for a surgeon? Do you know what's that for the wife?"

The he they were talking about was Derek. He knew that without asking. Nothing else needed to be said.

Lucas blinked as he tried to regain his breathing. He let Meredith continue, "Its the worst fucking feeling until your son is the one whose in a car crash. A child that you didn't think would ever be because for the longest time you thought you'd never have kids on your own so then suddenly you end up pregnant and raise him to be kind and good and he is! He's all of that until a car crash threatens to take it all away!"

Meredith wiped her face as she breathed heavily.

"Our son is in an OR with our friend's hands in him trying to make sure that he is fine. That he'll get to play soccer like he loves to and he'll get to play video games, and try out for hockey like he had planned," She bit her lip as she suppressed a sob, "And I-I just saw my son like I saw his dad and I thought-"

Lucas shook as he sobbed, "I didn't mean to hurt Bailey. I wanted to help so I said I'd get him. I didn't see the car pass the red, I did everything right!"

There was a moment, a brief moment where Meredith truly saw how scared he was. She knew this kid didn't mean any harm. He would never hurt her kids purposefully. He had dinner with them every Friday. He played video games with Bailey and would go to his soccer games when his schedule let him. Lucas had helped Ellis with her homework and tried the pudding with the gummy worms she made. He had gone with Zola to the science exhibit because none of her siblings were interested in going.

And the blood on his shirt told her he had tried everything to protect his young cousin. He was just as scared as she was.

"I know, Lucas," Meredith leaned in to hold him. Or to let him hold her. She wasn't sure, "I know."

Amelia watched carefully as her brother angrily paced from one end to the other. She watched as his eyes were filled with rage, his hand gripped at his salt and peppered tresses while his other was placed at his hip. He was trying- trying- so hard not to yell, but she could tell he was about to combust.

"What the hell is taking him so long?" Derek gritted through his teeth, "He shouldn't be taking this long if-"

"Derek," Amelia cut him off, "You're wife is a general surgeon you know it could take some time."

Derek rubbed his face with both his hands. Amy could see his eyes were red, as if he had been crying or at least trying to hold it in as best as he could.

"You-you said his head CT came out-"

"Karev cleared it. I can't formally give any assessments I'm family," Amy shook her head, "I saw it, it's just a mild concussion."

He swallowed a lump and took a few more paces, "Amy what if-?"

Amelia stood from her seat and gripped both of his arms, "Derek, listen to me. Your son is going to be okay. He may have a few broken bones, and he may need some time to get better but he will be fine!"

Amy gripped his face and forced his eyes on hers, "What happened to you is not happening to my nephew. He will be fine. Do you hear me? Do you understand me? Derek Bailey Shepherd will be fine!"

She wasn't sure who she was trying to calm down. Herself or her brother?

She had seen his children grow up. She'd seen his youngest two take their first steps and had been there when they said their first words. Had gone to all the recitals, science fairs, and soccer games. She had been for there for it all because her brother had been her most favorite person in the world. Even when he was the arrogant jackass, she loved her brother unconditionally. She couldn't see him break down.

"This is my fault," he whispered as a sob escaped, "I let him go with-I-I told him he could go and let him-"

"No! Derek, stop!" Amelia tried to bring him back to reality, "This is not your fault and it's not Lucas' fault either. And you need to get a grip because your wife, your wife needs you and you need her! Do you understand? This is not your fault!"

She could tell him that over and over again. Repeat it an infinite amount of times and sound like a broken record. But even Amelia knew her brother wouldn't forgive himself.

There was so much noise. So much chaos. So many sounds beeping. People yelling. Footsteps running. So much damn noise echoing down the halls of a hospital that never seemed to have any peace.

"Chief, we need a signature-"

"Chief, Dr. Nelson needs-"

"Chief-"

"Chief-"

"Chief-"

It was deafening and overwhelming. Meredith was overfilled and overstimulated with everyone's need and her own mind constantly playing tricks with her.

"Okay everyone shut up! I am not the chief right now! I cannot be the chief! You all know that so do me a favor find someone else and leave me the hell alone!"

Meredith slammed the door to her office and slowly slid to the floor. There was a buzz of silence. No voices. No steps. No shuffling of papers. Just thoughts sprinting through her mind. Voices reminding her of the hell she'd been through in the past and the one she was in now. Her elbows rested on her knees as her fingers gripped between her hair. If she closed her eyes maybe the voices would shut up. No. They only grew louder. And the picture of a smiling blonde haired boy covered all her thoughts.

God he was such a handsome kid. He had his father's smile, his charm, his blue eyes that were filled with a sparkle of delight. And there was so much mischief behind them. Like he was in on a joke that no one else was. In those blue eyes there was also such sweetness and tenderness. An overprotective might that told her he cared so much for everyone around him, especially his sisters. She'd give anything-everything to see those blue eyes open again.

She had filled in all the paperwork as quick as she could. Stupid, she remembered thinking. They knew his name, Derek Bailey Shepherd.

They knew his parents' names; Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey.

They knew their address and emergency contacts.

Allergies and medical history- dammit he was born there.

They knew her son.

But consent forms and medical history forms were all a part of Grey Sloan Memorial's protocol. And she wasn't the chief then. She was the mother of the boy in the car accident.

Two knocks shook her thoughts away.

"Meredith?" a voice called out, "Meredith, I need to hear you're okay. Can you at least answer?"

She looked up at the desk across from where she was sitting. The name plate reflected her name as if it were a neon sign outside a bar. Calling her attention.

Meredith sighed before reaching to unlock the door. She didn't bother to look at the person who stepped inside.

"Amelia is with Derek in the waiting room," Maggie closed the door behind her, "She says he's also going out of his-"

Meredith said nothing. She stared ahead and blinked.

"Mer?"

"My son is in the same OR his dad was all those years ago," Meredith whispered, "I was in the OR across from that one being chief, while my son was brought in on a rig-"

She was in an OR being chief. Being a doctor. Saving someone else's life.

Guilt ate at her.

"I wasn't there for my-"

"No, no, no! Mer, stop," Maggie held both of her hands as she knelt down to her sister's level, "This is not your fault, do you hear me? This is not anyone's fault except the idiot who ran the red light."

"I am his mother!" Meredith snapped, "My job, my only job is to protect him and I wasn't there!"

"Meredith!" Maggie placed her hands on her sister's knees, "You love your son- all three of your kids that you would give your life for them! We all know that!"

Maggie brushed her hands on her sister's face and wiped the tears, "This. Is not. On you."

Maggie's phone rang with a text, "It's Amelia. Alex is done. We gotta-"

Meredith stood from her spot and ran down the hall before Maggie could finish.

Alex pulled off his scrub cap as he walked into the waiting room. This was the third time he'd been in here with this family.

And the second child he'd treated with them.

He wouldn't tell them, but he was sick and tired of it. He was sick and tired of their most sacred treasure being in his hands. He just wanted his friend to be happy with her family.

"He had a grade 2, liver lac," he sighed, "We went in we repaired it and stopped the bleeding. He had no other injuries, no other ruptures, no fractures. He does have some bruises and a slight head head lac but not deep. He's a lucky kid."

Alex noticed how Meredith choked a sob back. Relief flooded her body as she melted onto the chair, "He's okay. Bailey is okay."

Derek swallowed, "His head CT came out clear? No bleeds?"

Alex shook his head. The trauma this family had been too much. Post traumatic stress followed them at every corner they turned and Derek's constant questioning about a head CT didn't stem from his experience as a surgeon. And Meredith's need to repeat to herself that Bailey was okay stemmed from the many losses.

"Mild concussion but no bleeds, thankfully. You can look at the scans yourself, Derek," Alex passed the tablet to him before turning to Meredith, "Your kid will be fine, Mer. You guys need to get it together before you go in there to see him. He's tired so he's sleeping right now but he needs you two to be okay."

Derek heaved as he watched Meredith melt into her chair.

"Thank you," she whispered before she felt a pair of arms around her. She surrendered herself to them and let herself weep for a moment.

Meredith and Derek had been at each other's throats over their jobs but, they'd been a team throughout their children's issues. With only one blunder. Right now, they needed one another and even if it was for a brief moment, they'd hold on to the string that tethered the together.

Amelia squeezed her brother's shoulder, "Whose with the girls?"

"Zola is uh," Derek whispered as he rubbed his wife's back, "Zo is at her friend Angie's house and uh-"

"Jo is with Ellis," Meredith looked up, "She offered after I got here."

"I'm get them," Amy nodded, "I'll take them to the house and have them stay over. Don't worry."

"Thank you," Derek whispered.

Maggie stared at the pair from the frame of the door before Amelia pulled at her arm and took her with her.

She had to run. Run as fast as she could as far as she could. Meredith had pulled away from Derek as soon as she heard the footsteps and made her way to the stairwell.

"Meredith-"

"I can't look at you right now," Meredith gritted before she turned to the next flight of stairs.

Derek followed her and climbed up the stairs after her, "Meredith-"

"You knew he was with Lucas? You went at it with Lucas and then you let him get in the car with our-"

"I didn't-"

"You knew he was with Lucas?"

"I didn't know any of this was gonna happen!" Derek yelled back, "You think I would've let my son- that I wanted my son to be here now? That's what you think?"

"Derek, you-"

"You didn't tell me he had been in a car crash!" Derek spat out, "You chose to leave me out in the dark while my son was on his way on a rig-"

"You were working on a small boy, you don't think I know you? You'd never-"

"I had a right to know, Meredith!"

"Der-" Meredith suppressed a sob. Until she couldn't. Until she couldn't hold in anything because there was nothing else left to hold it.

He wanted to reach towards her. He wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay and promise everything would be fine. But at this very moment, Derek didn't know if everything would be alright. He didn't have the courage to muster and be the strong one.

"Mer-"

She pushed him away as she continued up the stairs, "I need to get to my son."

"Meredith-"

"Let her go," A familiar voice called to him from the steps below. Miranda climbed up step by step with her blue scrub cap firmly set upon her head, "She needs a minute, you know that. Let her go."

"She's gonna blame me and she's right. I blamed her but this is my fault.," Derek gulped, "I let him get Bailey. I yelled at him before-"

"Did you cross that red light? Did you tell that moron in the other vehicle to cross the red light? Did you know your son and your nephew would be at the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"No, but-"

"Nothing." She stepped closer to him, "C'mon now, this isn't your fault. It is not Grey's fault. I'm sure you have been told this already so get it through your damn head!"

"What if-

"No! Stop it!" Bailey yelled, "Derek, you are a good father! Meredith's a good mother! Accidents happen. You love that little boy and so does she! You did not do this!"

A wave of deja vu hit him. He had told her nearly the exact same thing years ago when her son had been on the OR table.

Derek sunk into the step and covered his face with his hands. Miranda Bailey had only seen Derek Shepherd cry twice. Both times were over his wife. Once because he chose wrong and the other because she had drowned.

"Derek," Miranda sat next to him and rubbed his back, "You two need each other right now. Even if you don't talk, you need to be in the same room. With your son."

Meredith gasped, "Bailey!"

The family looked at the young boy horrified and yet amused as he licked the frosting off his fingers one by one. Vanilla frosting covered his features as the sisters cackled.

"Wait," Derek shook his head, "Is this why you asked for a cake all to yourself? To smash your head into it?"

"Mmhmm," the blonde boy smiled as he licked the final bit of frosting off his pinky.

Meredith began to giggle until it turned into a full blown laugh. Zola and Ellis laughed until Derek caught on.

This is what he had wanted. He wanted to make his sisters and his parents laugh after days of being locked down. Days of missing out on school, living in a limbo of what was happening next, being away from friends. All of it. Everyone in the house had been bored and frustrated. And though tight knit as they may have been they had also had a limit.

"This was your plan?" Derek asked as he laughed, "Face plant all over a perfectly made cake?"

Bailey smiled as he took a napkin and wiped his hands, "This is my cake. I get to do whatever I want."

"But now we won't be able to have any!" Ellis exclaimed as her laughter died down.

"Yes you can," Bailey shrugged as he reached for frosting and wiped it on her cheek. He chuckled a little as she stared ahead dumbfounded at her brother's sudden attack.

"No fair!" Ellis blinked as she took some frosting and threw it back at her older brother.

"Yeah," Zola agreed as she took some frosting in her own hand and took her sisters side. She threw it at her brother and winked.

"Wait-," Derek furrowed his brow.

"No, no," Meredith shook her head, "you guys, I am not-"

And as soon as that frosting shot was thrown, another and another and another was thrown- much to parent's resistance. Bailey stood from his chair and chased his sisters. They shrieked in delight as they chased one another around the dining table and the living room and the kitchen. Both parents tried to call them in an attempt to protect them from injuries.

"Zo, Ellie-"

"Bailey," Derek called out as he made his way to the kids, "No running in the house you're gonna-"

"Dad, get dad!" Bailey shouted. His sisters attention turned to their father as they chased after him. Catching on to the trio, Derek bolted across the room.

"Derek don't encourage them!" Meredith called out from behind the dining table as they chased him around the living room, "They're gonna-"

She watched as he evaded them at each end and ran all over the living room and around the kitchen. Derek laughed as his kids nearly caught him until an idea crossed his mind.

"Not me! Momma!" Derek ran towards his wife, "Get your momma!'

Meredith's eyes bulged out of her sockets, "No! Don't-!"

The trio of Little Grey Shepherds hounded her on one side of the dining table, as she tried to run the other way, a pair of arms trapped her. They both slid onto the floor in a fit of giggles.

"No," Meredith protested, "Not in my hair!"

"If I go down, you go down with me," Derek laughed as the kids smeared their parents' faces with frosting.

The house echoed with their laughs. Laughs that resounded and bounced off the walls of each room and echoed in the empty woodlands.

Laughs brought upon a little boy whose birthday was being celebrated. A little boy who wanted a large birthday cake all to himself. A large birthday cake he'd sacrifice all in the name of making his parents and sisters laugh.

Meredith sighed as she closed her eyes. The warm small hand inside hers was the only thing she could feel. His fingers were like her own, long and lithe. Probably one of the few things he had inherited from her. He looked so peaceful. His side swept blonde hair had overgrown and yesterday she had mentioned him needing a haircut. Derek was supposed to take him over the weekend.

That was the plan.

She listened as each monitor told him her son's status. Sinus rhythm. He was stable.

"He wants a bike for Christmas," she whispered as she heard someone walk in and sit on the opposite side.

Derek rested his elbows on his knees as he stared up at the monitors. For now, he'd take the punches, the shoves, and the glares. It was the least he could do for blaming her even if he wasn't ready to discuss it, "He's too tall for the one he has now."

Meredith closed her eyes again. There was almost no Christmas. No new bike.

"When I got out of the hospital- after all those weeks," Meredith rambled, "I was sitting on the couch and he just ran to me and took the breathe right out. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me so tightly and said, 'Mom, don't go away again. Please don't go away again.'"

Derek closed his eyes and shook his head at the dreadful memory of his children missing their mother. He didn't and couldn't hear it but it was how she coped. Rambling. By saying everything and anything that crossed her mind to whoever was in the room.

She rambled. He went silent.

"And he stayed there for such a long time, I thought he had fallen asleep," she let out a soft chuckle as she reminiced back.

The machines echoed the otherwise silent room. The tension was so thick between them, like a wall they built meticulously to keep each other at a distance.

"Derek, what if he-"

"He's gonna wake up," Derek shook his head refusing to hear the possibility, "He is going to wake up."

Meredith closed her eyes and sighed loudly.

Derek watched as she tried to hold on to the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes, Meredith-"

Small groans interrupted the both of them as they jumped off their seat. Soft blue eyes fluttered as they adjusted to the light.

"Mom? Dad?"

"Hey, baby, we're right here," Meredith whispered as she reached for his blonde tresses.

"We're here, bud," Derek whispered, "How are you feeling."

The young boy groaned and winced, "It hurts. This side hurts"

"I know," Derek explained as he moved to let him see it at a better view, "You just had surgery Bails, it'll be okay. We'll get you some more medicine in a minute."

Meredith gulped as she watched Derek reach for the nurse's call button, "You have a few other injuries, baby, but you should be better soon. They're not bad."

The parents glanced at each other as they swallowed a lump of relief.

"Does this mean no soccer or softball again?" Bailey groaned lightly as he winced with pain.

The parents couldn't help the breathy chuckle that escaped them. Derek shook his head, "Sorry bud, no sports for a while."

She pushed his slight curls back softly as he blinked again, "Where's Lucas? Is he hurt? Is he okay?"

Bailey turned his eyes to his father searching for answers. Meredith noticed how Derek froze in place, unsure of what to reply.

"He's fine," his mom answered, "A few bruises and cuts but he's-"

Derek turned to his wife. He didn't know what happened after she stepped out of the hospital. All he knew was that he was angry and he let it get the best of him.

Meredith sighed and for a brief fleeting moment, both parents waved a white flag.

"Lucas will be fine," Meredith nodded, "We will all be fine."

A/N: How are you? You okay?

This chapter was the first thing I wrote on my outline. I knew this is what I wanted to write way before the fire was a thing in the show (iykyk) and it honestly is the reason why I started this fic. I wanted to write a deep parent storyline and wanted to explore all three kids (no I haven't forgotten Ellis). I am so attached to these characters that writing this was honestly so difficult and at one point I cried and cringed because imagining Bailey- my version of Bailey- in such pain was heartbreaking.

Meredith and Derek have been in their happy bubble with their kids that I needed to puncture it. We have so much going on. Lucas v. Derek, Maggie v. Derek, Meredith v. Derek. Derek is really, really going through it here. Which is interesting and fascinating to write. His past, his trauma, his constant need to be perfect is a huge theme for him here (I wrote a long thread on my twitter if you're interested.)

Now with Meredith. She has so many hats on that the guilt that women often feel is starting to overcome her. It's such a heartbreaking and cruel thing but the reality is that having all these hats is difficult. And it's ignored in the show, honestly. And with a character with so much trauma, this storyline was begging for attention. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm saying it's a challenge and sometimes our emotions-regardless of who you are- get the best of us. Her son is in danger, the innate nature of a mother is to protect her children.

To all of you who have reviewed, thank you! I read your comments (on Twitter too!) and think about how I can improve here. I will be taking a brief hiatus (not a three month one, I promise!) because life gets busy.

Happy New Year and thanks for reading!