Chapter 20 What Do I Believe?

The way that I ended up outside, listening to my cousin and aunt have a conversation that contained the most Earth shattering revelations, was…well, it was simple, but complicated at the same time. I had just finished another race with Shady, on a course that he told me was called "Rainbow Road." And man, that track was probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen on a screen. The colors popped in just the right ways, blending together in a celestial, other-worldly display. After I finished that race…I actually wanted Celia to join in and experience it for herself. Yes, I was actually wanting to share a positive experience with her. I for the life of me can't say what occurred in my heart to actually want to spend time with a koopa. But…well, even though I couldn't explain why I wanted it, I at least knew that I did want it. Hence, me stepping out of the house to get Celia to join in.

And that's when I heard it. Aunt Ruby told Celia about what happened between her and my mother. My jaw actually dropped when I heard her talk. A million thoughts ran through my head, almost all of them taking on the form of a question. Was Aunt Ruby really telling the truth? If she was, why did my mother be that…nasty to her? Mommy was never nasty around me! She wouldn't hurt a fly under normal circumstances, but she still found it necessary to harm her own sister in this fashion? Suddenly, wearing the fancy clothes that I had on my body didn't feel as comfortable. Suddenly, all those extravagant trips Mommy took me on for my birthday and other special occasions had a very dark, gut wrenching filter over top of them.

I went inside the minute Aunt Ruby and Celia set eyes on me. I closed the door gently behind me as my heart thumped. While inside, both my uncle as well as Shady set their eyes on me. They both furrowed their brows.

"Albert, what's wrong?" Uncle Singe asked.

Before I could answer, the doorknob behind me turned. I got out of the way to allow Aunt Ruby and Celia to enter. Even though Uncle Singe and Shady had furrowed brows, the looks that girls gave me beat them in terms of pure concern. I swallowed a lump, looking away from them as a dark feeling swirled around in my gut.

"Is it true?" I asked Aunt Ruby. "What you said?"

Aunt Ruby put her hand on my shoulder. I could tell based on the pattern of her breathing that she felt somewhat guilty. I saw Shady take a few steps closer, the Nintendo Switch laying forgotten on the couch.

"What happened?"

I lifted my head. I looked at my aunt, then my cousin, then my cousin's boyfriend. All the questions in my mind returned. I wanted to ask every single one of them, but I was too high strung to even consider talking. Aunt Ruby walked to my front, her eyes glimmering with a sadness that I never even knew was feelable by a great many people.

"Do you need to sit down?" she asked.

I stood in place for a good twenty seconds before nodding. I figured that getting into a comfortable position might help my gut to calm down with its churning. Aunt Ruby led me over to the couch. As I sat down, I noticed Uncle Singe coming over with Shady and Celia. I couldn't even look at them.

"What's wrong?" Singe asked. I couldn't answer him to save my life; it was like my tongue was made of concrete.

Aunt Ruby sighed and turned toward him. "He overheard me telling Celia about what Alicia did."

Sing blinked before his facial features sank. "Ohhh…" his shoulders slumped. "That's not good."

"No. It is not," Aunt Ruby said, her voice low.

This whole conversation drew a concerned, confused look out of Shady. "Wait, what's happening? What did Albert overhear?"

Celia exchanged a look with her mother. She didn't even need to speak to question whether or not she could tell her boyfriend about what was hears. Ruby nodded at her, so she took Shady by the hand and led him away.

This just left me with my aunt and my uncle. Aunt Ruby took a seat beside me on the couch, not saying a word but also showing that she was there for me (a gesture that I strangely both loved and despised). After a few more minutes of silence, I finally managed to find my voice.

"It's not true." I looked at my aunt. "It can't be true! Mommy isn't that…spiteful!"

Ruby didn't say a word. She just pressed her lips together and put her hand on my shoulder. She squeezed, sending a sort of calming effect throughout my body. I bit my lip as I looked at her. I let my eyes travel over to Singe, who had the same concern in his eyes. It was hard to believe that a reptile felt emotions as complex as sympathy, but…

*Sigh* I don't know. I don't even know what to believe anymore. I don't want to believe what Ruby said to Celia is true. I wanted to believe that those words were nothing more than lies that Ruby told her daughter in order to turn her against Mommy. Maybe those fabrications made Ruby being in a financial rut look less…irresponsible on her part. I wanted to believe that that was the case; severely wished that was the case.

But deep down, I knew that what she said was true. That's why I wasn't getting angry; just feeling layers of shock and confusion. I was seeing Mommy in a whole new light, a light that I never would've viewed her under. I felt sick, thinking about the thought process Mommy had to be under in order to do that to her own sister. Sure, having a baby with a Koopa was bad, but she promised! She made a promise….

"I'm sorry, Albert," Aunt Ruby said, her voice low. "I never wanted you to hear that."

I sighed, now looking back at her. So many emotions brewed inside me, and none of them were pleasant. I felt like freezing in place and bolting out of the room at the same time.

"It…it can't be true." Even as I said it, I knew that I was grasping at straws. I knew that I was trying to believe in a reality that was shattered beyond any feasible point of recognition.

"It…it is," Ruby said. "There are many things I am, but being a liar is not one of them."

Singe stepped around to stand by my side. He didn't take a seat, more than likely reasoning that doing so would make me uncomfortable (something that also impressed me; I never would've suspected that koopas would be so sensitive to other's emotions).

"We really are sorry," he said. "Ruby told me about what happened before you came to stay with us, and…she said that she didn't ever want you to know."

I didn't feel angry per say, but a tinge of negative emotion welled up inside me when I heard that. "Why not?" I glared at Aunt Ruby specifically as I asked that.

"Because I felt that it wasn't my place to tell you," she responded. "I felt that, since you're Alicia's child, it was right to let her decide what she does or doesn't reveal about her past to you."

I thought about this before sighing. "That seems fair." I shook my head. "Still, I can't believe she would do that. I mean….I don't blame her for being mad you had a baby with a koopa…" I gagged their reactions to hearing this; they both looked slightly offended, but they didn't object. "But even then, to break a promise like that…." my heart sank. "I knew that Mommy cut ties with you because of Celia being born, but I didn't know she went that far."

Ruby nodded, as did Singe. The latter in particular looked uncomfortable, but also still very much sympathetic toward me and my plight.

This ignited a fire inside me. It wasn't one of anger so much as passion, of determination. "I can say now, since I've gotten to know Uncle Singe and…." My mind fished around for the name of Celia's boyfriend. I knew she told me, but my mind still came up blank. I eventually shook my head. "You and Celia's boyfriend are very sweet indeed. If your whole species are as bad as Mommy says you are, then I can at the very least say that you two are a credit to it." I looked down in my lap. "Which, in all honesty, throws a monkey wrench of its own variety into what Mommy has told me. I…" I whimpered, now feeling stuck between the most solid rock and the darkest hard place. "If what you said Mommy did was actually what Mommy did, then…" I sank into the couch, all while a helplessness that I had never felt before overtook me. "I don't even know what to believe anymore…."

Right at that moment, Celia and Shady came out into the room. Shady had his glasses off, so I could see every last drop of concern flitting about in his eyes. When Celia stopped walking, he still came closed to me. He stood above me, looking like he was just a hair's breath away from wrapping me in a hug.

"Are you okay, buddy? I know hearing about that your mom did that must be…hard."

I nodded. "It certainly is; without any doubt." I sank even deeper into my seat. "As for your question….I don't know how I feel. I don't know how I should feel, I just feel…stuck."

Celia took a step closer. "Well….I can't speak for everyone here, but I can say I'll put in an effort to help you in whatever way you need."

Shady nodded. "Me too." He smiled. "You're a good guy, Al. A little rough around the edges, maybe, but you're nowhere near monster levels."

Part of me found the fact that a koopa was saying this to be extremely ironic, if for no other reason than the fact that Koopas still looked like monsters. However…I also appreciated that on some level. I don't know; it felt kind of nice that the guy who took me out for food and introduced me to the fun world of Mario Kart was saying that I was a good guy deep down. Gosh darn it, what is wrong with me?

"Th…thanks." I could barely get the word out. I looked at Shady and Celia. My shock wasn't gone, not by a long shot. I doubted it would be gone anytime soon, as my mind was so full of questions I wouldn't at all be surprised if they leaked out of my ears and spilled onto the floor. However…I was at the very least more comfortable. Not perfect, just….comfortable.

"You're welcome," Singe said. He smiled at me. "If you need anything from any of us, just holler." This got a nod out of Aunt Ruby.

I took a second to think about all of this. My eyes traveled between the people around me. I could talk to them, work out my issues with them and come to a more solid conclusion of what emotion I should feel and what thoughts I should think. I then looked over at the Nintendo Switch; I realized that that could be a good way to escape from my worries too. The colorful, vibrant worlds I would race in while playing Mario Kart appealed to me in a very personal way.

However….I didn't want to do either of those things. I didn't want help trying to figure out what to think. I didn't want something distracting me from thinking. All I wanted was to come to those conclusions, and come to those conclusions all by myself.

"I…." I paused for about a minute. "I just want to be alone for a few minutes."

I didn't wait for an answer. I got up from the couch and made my way to the kitchen, out of everyone's line of sight. As I leaned against the stove, I sighed and pinched my brow. I had a lot of thinking to do….