Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Otherwise you wouldn't have gotten what you did last night.

Derek Shepherd disappearing was a frightening thing. It meant he was in some sort of danger. He was hanging off a cliff. Okay, a little extreme but nonetheless plausible. At least that's what her mind had told her.

But last night was different. He kissed her head and walked out of the old house. She didn't get a chance to ask where or why because she had Scout in her arms and Ellis demanded her attention. When she walked after him, his sister gently shook her head. It's a Shepherd thing. Code for, I got him.

Regardless, she felt awash with relief when she saw him standing in front of the OR board, pensive and lost in thought. A light blue scrub cap with waves sat firmly around his curls.

"You disappeared last night," Meredith whispered as she approached her husband, "I didn't know whether to wait for you or take the kids home."

"And you went with taking the kids home," Derek smirked, "In my defense I did text you."

"Which was appreciated, thank you," Meredith giggled, "Amy said she'd make sure you were here early. Where'd you go?"

"Uh, I was at Joe's. With Lucas," Derek furrowed his brow as he thought back to the night's events, "Then I crashed at the old house. Ask Lucas, he can vouch for me. Amy too."

"Uh-huh," Meredith squinted her eyes at him, "Do I have to worry about any girls at the bar? Anyone wanting to take you home? Anyone wanting to make out with you?"

Meredith raised her brow as she slightly shifted. He couldn't tell whether she was being serious or if she was teasing him.

"No, but you may want to worry about Lucas. Kid can drink me under the table," Derek shook his head.

He earned another laugh from his wife, "Oh, so things are okay? Between the two of you? No more fighting and yelling? You two are good?"

"Mer," he turned to her, "we're good I promise."

He leaned down to press a kiss to her lips.

"Okay," she whispered, "Wait, does this mean he's moving back in?"

"I… have no idea. I'd like him too but," Derek shrugged, "I don't want to push it. Last night, we were at the bar and we spent it talking. About his mom and when he was a kid. What he wants to do. It felt nice. I don't want to push him away again."

There he was. The Derek Shepherd she recognized.

"Good," Meredith nodded, "Hey, uh-"

She closed her mouth, regretting what she was about to ask. Amy's comments about her husband had left her curious for more. But just like her husband, she wasn't ready to push anyone away. And sometimes, Derek needed to be pushed enough for him to open up.

"What?" He turned to her waiting for her question.

"Nothing," She shook her head, "I was just gonna ask if uh- you're on the board for pro-bono surgeries today."

He nodded, "I am, I already got through one and I have another in a few minutes I'm just waiting for-Skywalker!"

Meredith laughed as she turned back to see their nephew in light blue scrubs and a light blue scrub cap.

"And that's my cue," she squeezed Derek's shoulder and smiled, "I'll see you later."

Derek smiled back as the young intern approached him.

Lucas couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him, "Skywalker? Since when do you call me that?"

"I vaguely remember you losing a bet over darts last night and me winning the right to call you that," Derek chuckled before handing his tablet over, "I got something for you and last time I checked you are still on my service."

Lucas' excitement dimmed as he read the case and went through each scan, "An aneurysm? Really? I thought you had something big"

Derek glared before stopping, "This is big Dr. Adams."

Lucas sighed. Here was another speech.

"In every surgical specialty you will see more of these common cases than any of the big fancy once in a lifetime kind of cases," Dr. Shepherd explained, "you need to go back to the basics. Start again. Respect the fact that the smallest surgeries save lives too. Especially on pro bono day."

"You're not gonna try to sway me to specialize in-"

"No," Derek shook his head, "I had my reasons to specialize in neuro and Amy had hers. You want to make a name for yourself right?"

Lucas nodded.

"This is how you start," Derek approved, "You ready?"

"Hey, Shepherd," Meredith called out as she rounded the corner. She had spotted the familiar dark short curls.

"Hey, I have a trauma but Derek said he could take over-"

"He's on it," Meredith reached her, "What you told me last night. About everything having to do with your dad. What did you mean?"

"Um, the Derek thing?"

"Yeah, you said he needed to be perfect or whatever. What does your dad have to do with it?"

Amelia blinked, "He never told you, did he?"

"About the watch? Yes, he told me. And he told me about holding you. I know the story."

Amelia stuffed her hands in her pocket, "Did he tell you that after the guys left, he was the one to check on my dad? He's the one who saw him dead on the floor with a pool of blood around his head."

Ellis Grey had fallen on the floor with her two wrists sliced open.

"No, he never-"

"Dr. Grey, do you have a moment?" An intern called from the CT room.

"I can't really break the Shepherd sibling code," Amy quietly told her, "You're my sister. I trust you with my life but I-I owe it to Derek to let him tell you his version whenever he's ready."

Amy and Derek had come a long way. And Amelia and Meredith had also come a long way. There had been days when they fought over Derek when he had a catastrophic accident. Meredith was his wife, she was the one to make necessary medical decisions. Amelia wanted to do every surgery she could think of-herself. When Derek had recovered, he tried everything to stay neutral. He was her husband. He was her brother. It wasn't easy. But when Derek sided with his wife on a case, all hell broke loose. Amelia felt betrayed and she had fallen off the wagon. She never truly forgave herself for ignoring the page that could've prevented Meredith from experiencing the most horrifying moment in her life. Watching her brother cry over her body and push her away had been devastating. But she needed to hit rock bottom.

And things got better. Meredith had even kept her first sobriety chip after they came to some sort of truce in her sock drawer to remind her that they were sisters. All was forgiven.

Meredith gulped, "What if he never is? What if he's never ready."

"He will be. Your kids need their dad," Amelia shrugged, "He is working through that right now. It's like when you and Maggie found middle ground when you found out you were sisters. When we found middle ground."

"He'll get there," Amelia smiled and walked away.

"What do we got?" Meredith asked as she tightened her hair in a low ponytail. Dressed back into her navy scrubs, she had decided that the office had seen enough of her. Or rather, she'd seen enough of it.

"Take a look," Dr. Millin pointed, "It's bad, right? "

"Oh," Meredith sighed, "That's a lot of mets."

Milin nodded, "Stage IV colorectal. She's from out of town and presented with abdominal pain. I thought it was a bowel obstruction."

"It is but look," Meredith explained as she pointed to the scans, "See that? It's spread throughout her body. Whose with her?"

"Her husband," the young intern sighed, "He's such a nice old man. They're both so sweet."

Meredith looked through the window and licked her lip as another intern helped her out of the CT machine, "They always are."

"Suction, please," Derek quietly asked as he worked with concentration. The intern with him had been quiet. No questions. No small talk. Just a quiet observer who'd answer when quizzed on the procedure.

"Wipe that pout off your face," Derek chuckled under his mask, "You get it from your mom. Bailey has it too."

"I'm not pouting, I'm focused," Lucas countered, "I thought you'd go for a big tumor on pro bono day."

"I never do," Derek mumbled, "I always do aneurysms."

Lucas furrowed his brow. His relative had a history and reputation for doing the impossible. It irked his aunts and his mother had called him a man with an overinflated ego.

"Aneurysms are deadly and too many are fatal," Derek whispered, "And even more don't have the financial means to get a proper treatment. That's why we do this. To help."

Lucas nodded, "I get it."

Derek could hear a sense of disappointment in his intern's voice. It was true, Derek had always been chasing big neuro cases. He looked to do the impossible. He ached to find cases that others limited themselves on so he could be the one to do it. And though many would think it was a way to inflate his ego, he just wanted to give people a chance. He wanted to rewrite others stories the way it was often rewritten for him. Except, he wanted to write them for the right reasons.

He just hated that for a moment, he had lost sight of the fact that even the simpler things could rewrite a story.

Derek sighed deeply before speaking again, "Sometimes we don't notice it Shep, but the smallest things make a difference. And if you take that advice throughout your career, I promise you'll be great."

Meredith walked behind her intern as the reached the patients' room. She sat on the bed with her husband, watching a video on a phone.

"Oh," the elderly man chuckled, "We were watching some old videos. We used to ballroom dance all the time."

"So how's it looking?" his wife asked hopefully.

"Uh, Irene, Norman, this is Dr. Grey," Jules nodded to her attending, "She'll be going over with you what we found."

Meredith smiled as she stepped forward,

"Irene," Meredith sighed, "Have you been having shortness of breath?"

Norman looked to the intern, "You said it was a bowel obstruction."

Millin blinked, "I-I did-"

"It's what's causing the pain," Meredith interrupted, "But the cancer has spread throughout the body."

Irene's heart shattered, "Can you operate on anything?"

Meredith shook her head. This was the hard part, "I'm so sorry. Your immune system would be compromised and I would not recommend it. I do not foresee a good prognosis if he operate."

Irene looked to her husband and reached for his hand. He did his best to comfort her and pressed his lips on her head.

Millin sniffed.

"Oh, sweetie," Irene chuckled, "The doctor's not supposed to cry."

"I-I'm sorry. I just- it's allergies," Jules sniffed again.

"Dr. Millin will set you up with a consult with a palliative care team," Meredith nodded as she motioned to Jules, "Again, I am so sorry."

Jules reached for the tablet Chief Grey offered and walked out of the room.

"Millin," Meredith called out.

Jules turned around, "Chief?"

"We have stairs for crying," Meredith squeezed her shoulders, "We don't do it here and never in front of the patient. Our pain, our hurt is never bigger than theirs. Their pain should be the biggest thing in the room and we need to honor that."

Jules nodded, "Sorry chief. It won't happen again."

"Okay," Meredith nodded with a brief smile. She couldn't help but feel as if she had been the one to cut the string of life shorter. But the truth was that this is all we had. One chance. One chance to live happily, like Irene. With whoever one wanted. However one wanted.

Lucas watched as the woman slowly opened her eyes. He smiled brightly with relief. Her vitals had plummeted for a moment and they were scared things had taken a turn for the worse.

"Am I going to be okay?" his patient asked, "Did the surgery work?"

"Mmhm," Derek softly answered with a smile, "Everything went well. Dr. Adams will be following up with neuro checks every hour but for now, you rest up."

Her partner smiled, "She could barely handle the headaches. Our kids had to whisper around her and well you know how that goes."

"I have three," Derek shook his head, "I know exactly how that goes. I'll be checking in soon."

The pair of doctors walked out of the room. Lucas looked back and looked at his work. They had been successful in clipping the aneurysm. A simple routine procedure gave a renewed sense of hope to a family.

This is why he became a surgeon. Hope.

"Is that what it feels like?" Lucas asked as they approached the nurses station, "I've scrubbed in on a few cool procedures but this was pretty freakin' cool too."

Derek nodded with a satisfied grin, "It's the high right? Surgeon's high. I used to get it in the OR, now it happens when I see the look of relief on my patient's loved ones. It never gets old."

"I want to get better," Lucas blurted with confidence, "I know I've been called slow but I want to get there. I want to get better."

"And you will," Derek turned to him, "You'll get better, you'll see."

"Hey uh, Adams," a young intern approached him. Simone Griffith had been one of the few- seemingly- friends he'd make. Everyone else was competition.

"Jules is on a case with Dr. Grey and she needs our help with something.

Lucas stammered as he felt heat rush to his cheeks, "Uh, yeah, okay what is it?"

Derek furrowed his brows. What the hell was Grey working on in the cafeteria?

"It's for her patient's husband, can you come as soon as you're done?" Simone asked.

The pair continued their conversation as Derek tried to hide the tug on his lips as he looked back down at his tablet. He'd never met any of Lucas' girlfriends. To him, Lucas was still the small squirt running around him begging him to try on the blue hat with the ferry boats on it. The one he used for surgery.

As they wrapped up, Lucas walked back to him after a moment and nervously asked, "So neuro checks every hour right?"

"Yes and keep me posted," Derek inhaled deeply as he passed him the tablet, "When are you gonna ask her out?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Griffith. She's cute. She's nice. You like her. She seems to like you. When are you going to ask her out on a real date? Outside of this hospital."

An awkward beat passed as Lucas shifted his weight. Lucas could tell him his truth or he could keep the boundary he so desperately wanted. But this was his uncle asking. A person- fatherlike figure he trusted so much. Someone he looked up to and someone who seemed to have all the answers. Even when he didn't.

He pressed his lips together in a thin line, "I uh, I did. She turned me down."

"What?" Derek turned to him with his mouth agape.

"It's complicated," Lucas shrugged, "An ex is involved and uh- It's complicated."

"Your Aunt Mer and I were complicated," Derek thought back to his heyday, "Look how we turned out."

A successful marriage. Successful careers. A dream home. Three overly chatty children. A seemingly ideal life.

"I'm gonna go check in on our patient," Lucas was about to make his way before stepping back, "Hey, um I know things between us are...better but uh, I don't think I'm ready to move back in. I-I don't want you to get your hopes up, I mean-"

Derek turned to him, surprised at the comment. He had expected this but somewhere deep within him, he secretly hoped they could pick up where they left off.

He listened attentively, "I uh, I think I need to stay with Aunt Amy and have some-"

"Boundaries. I get it," Derek nodded, "just uh, make sure everyone knows your related and not-"

Sleeping together. Involved. All the awkward things everyone had once thought of them. It was gross.

"Yeah, but I like that we can talk again," Lucas chuckled uncomfortably, "And uh, I'll visit Bailey and the girls and-"

"Our home is always open," Derek squeezed his shoulder before grinning and turning back once more, "Oh, Shep?"

Lucas turned. This was his uncle talking.

"Amy? She hates it when you call her that. Go with Aunt Amelia outside the hospital," Derek smiled, "She's Dr. Shepherd here."

Lucas nodded. Amy was a name only her brother got away with. And on rare occasions, his Aunt Mer. It'd slipped out once or twice and each time, she scowled at Lucas but never verbally said anything.

Derek walked towards the elevator. His home would always be open for his nephew. Even when he wanted to keep that door shut. His wife did teach him how to take in strays after all.

Cafeteria. Something was happening in the cafeteria with one of his wife's patient. What it was, who knew? But he was about to leave and pick up their children and she needed to know otherwise she'd freak out again.

When he reached his destination, the sight completely surprised him. Clearly, this set of interns was a hopeless, romantic sort because the five of them had set up the cafeteria as a ballroom. An elderly couple danced together- like it would be their last.

He leaned against the door frame and smiled. He was a hopeless romantic who couldn't help himself but visualize the life that could be for himself and his wife.

Zola, Bailey, and Ellis would grow to be incredible people. They'd be kind, respectful, hard-working, and honorable. And he'd support whatever they chose to do with their lives. Maybe Zola would truly become a neurosurgeon. She'd be incredible and would be immensely dedicated. Bailey was a wild card. He'd briefly mentioned being an orthopedic surgeon and then an athlete and then an archeologist. And Ellis? Right now, she had settled on being a chef. But with the way she always managed to convince everyone to bend at her will, maybe she'd be a lawyer. Or she'd be a doctor too. Who really knew?

And Meredith? Years from now, they'd both be retired. Well he'd be retired, Meredith not so much. But they'd both be living their lives, travel a bit, enjoy an empty nest- later on of course, and they'd grow old together. And maybe if the cards were played in such a way, they'd see their grandchildren. He could see it now.

A pair of green orbs stared at him from a distance. She'd been watching him since she first saw him step in. She could tell his mind had drifted far into the future. She'd been doing it for a while now, too. She smiled shyly as his blue eyes found her. As if he'd caught her doing something mischievous.

Derek pushed himself off the frame and walked around the room to reach her.

"So this is what you pulled the interns for?" he whispered in her ear as he leaned against the chair behind her, "I'm pretty sure this isn't in their job description."

Meredith smiled, "I didn't come up with it. They did. I didn't have the heart to say no and what can I say I'm a sucker for cheesy love stories."

"Mmm," Derek hummed as he unabashedly wrapped his arms around her, "I always knew there was some bright and shiny under the dark and twisty."

Meredith chuckled, "You know every time I get a case like this- with a couple like that- I always try to think about where we'd be when we get like that."

"And what do you see?" he asked as the man twirled his wife.

"You, trying to pull the scalpel off my hands as I refuse to give it up," Meredith retorted. She could feel him shake with quiet laughter as he tried to suppress it, "I see us in our home, sitting out on the deck. You, with your curls all silver, fishing and cooking trout. The kids, living their happy lives. Maybe a few grandkids."

"I like the sound of that," he whispered.

Meredith pulled him closer as she continued to watch the elderly couple for another moment, "I want that Derek."

For a moment, it was just the pair of them watching this couple that loved each other all their lives. They were the only ones in the room, making broad promises into the future.

"Want what?" Derek whispered as he pressed his lips against her hair. It was as if the rest of the hospital had disappeared for a moment.

"I want to live a long life," she whispered wistfully, "I want that with you."

To take care of each other when we're old, smelly, and senile.

Post-it promises were forever. Even if people laughed. The best thing they'd done, was revel in the promise of choosing each other and their family. Forever.

Nothing made sense anymore. Zola stared out the window as her dad drove down the road. She could hear him and Bailey talk about whatever it was but her mind just wandered. She did this often. She somehow found a way to tune everything and everyone out and just-

"Zo?" her dad's voice broke through, "Earth to Zozo. You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about…something," she shook her head as she tried to clear her mind, "What happened?"

"Dad says he can make mac'n'cheese and that mom would be late tonight," Bailey repeated, "You sure you're okay?"

Zola nodded but her father could tell that she wasn't completely okay.

Derek pulled up to the house and turned to the backseat, "Okay, you guys go in, we'll be right behind you."

Bailey took the keys from his father's hand as both of the kids ran out of the car.

"You know what your mom and I did today?" he asked, "We watched an elderly couple dance in the cafeteria. She was her patient and the interns rallied to give her a last dance with her husband."

"That's sweet," Zola muttered as she continued to stare down at her hands.

"Where'd that brilliant mind of yours go, princess?"

Zola rolled her eyes, "Can you stop saying that?"

"Saying what?" Derek asked, surprised. Sometimes her mannerisms were very much like her mother's and his responses were instinctual.

"That I'm smart. Or brilliant. Or gifted. Or whatever."

"Zola-"

"Everyone thinks I'm some sort of freak. I don't want to be reminded of it all the time," she leaned back onto the car seat, "Even if you and mom think you lucked out or something it's caused a lot of problems."

"It's not your fault, princess," he reached to rub her shoulder, "Your mom and I thought we were doing the right thing by keeping this from your brother and sister and we were wrong. You are the kid. We are the parents."

Zola stared at the phone in her hands as she twisted it one way and another. Her anxiety could be loud and sometimes it could be quiet. So quiet, he wasn't always aware of how quick her mind wandered.

Derek watched her helplessly, "Zo, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I really do think we need to revisit that conversation about scouting schools."

"What if it's not enough?" Zola turned to look at him, "What if moving schools isn't enough and I still have anxiety?"

"Zo, anxiety doesn't just go away with one solution," he tried to reason, "We have to work through things to try to manage it. This was one suggestion we were given."

"That's my point," she insisted, "What if I don't? What if I don't manage it?"

"What if we do?" he asked back. He refused to give up on helping his daughter. He refused to give in to the darkness and to let her sink in it any further.

Zola fidgeted with her fingers, "Today at school, we talked about our biggest fears. It was some sort of project for health. All I could think of was you and mom in the hospital. Not working but-"

"Mom is fine," he whispered, "I'm here. We are both living and breathing."

"I know," She shook her head, "But sometimes"

She took a breath to collect her thoughts. A moment to rethink what she wanted to express what seemed impossible to.

"I think that we're, like, cursed or something." she blinked, "So much has happened it's like we're just destined to suffer or something."

Derek exhaled. As a father- a husband- he wanted to protect those children. Shield them from the darkness that seemed to always envelope them. And give them a chance to live the bright happy life he and his wife were robbed from as children. And he knew Meredith wanted the same.

"Zo," he tenderly reached her shoulder again, "I promise you, I will do everything I can to help you feel- all of this- less. I promise you."

"Is Daddy putting you to bed?" Meredith sighed as she stared into the phone. She suppressed a yawn as her youngest excitedly told her all about dinner while she leaned against the medicine cabinet in the almost empty hallway. Her hair was still braided up from the surgeries she'd scrubbed in earlier. She'd talked to the other two who gave her a run down of school and dinner.

"Soon," Ellis smiled, "-ish. Can I stay up to wait for you?"

She wanted to blurt out yes. She wanted to fulfill Ellis' every wish given all the pain she'd felt in the last few weeks. But her health came first. And her temper. And to keep those two in check, she needed sleep.

Meredith smiled, "No, Ellie-Belle, I may be home a little too late today. You have school tomorrow, baby girl."

"Oh," Ellis pouted, "Okay."

Meredith couldn't help the tug in her chest. There it was, the disappointment she was avoiding.

"But I'll be there for breakfast," she tried, "And Daddy can make us chocolate chip pancakes. Maybe he'll even make us waffles."

Meredith wiggled her brows as she watched her daughter giggle behind the screen,"I can work on it. I'll get him to do it."

Ellis said jump, Derek asked how high.

"Okay," Meredith smiled at the blonde little girl, "Go give the phone to Dad please. And go to sleep."

Meredith watched as the little girl ran down the hall. Her blonde wet tresses bounced as she made her way to the living room. In the background she could hear her tell her father that momma wanted to talk to him. He reminded her to wear her slippers- the floor was cold and she had just showered- and to get ready for bed. Fifteen more minutes she asked. He offered five. She went for ten, she was great at negotiating. It was a deal. But Meredith knew better, she'd get fifteen one way or another.

"It's your fault I do what she says. You've corrupted our child," he turned to her as he leaned against the kitchen counter, "How'd the rest of your day go?"

"I'm exhausted," she sighed, "But Karev should finish soon and year two of pro bonos is in the books."

She smiled brightly. Derek had always known she'd be a great chief. Even when he refused to subject her to the job, he knew she was right for it. He also knew that she was ready for more. Ready for what could be. Outside Grey Sloan. But this was a perfect fit. She was respected and admired.

"Congrats, Dr. Grey," he smiled proudly.

Meredith yawned again.

"You should stay at the house with Amy," Derek sighed as he quickly glanced up to look at the dark skies, "Or stay in an on-call room. Get some sleep. It's late for you to drive. I don't like you driving late"

"Derek, I just promised our daughter I'd be there for breakfast," she refuted, "I'll just grab some coffee on my way home and-"

"Mer-"

"I'm fine to drive, I promise," she insisted, "I don't want to stay out here. I've been daydreaming about my bed. My warm, cozy bed with those big fluffy pillows on it."

"Oh really," he smirked, "Anything else you day dreamed about in that bed?"

Meredith smirked as she knew the answer he was looking for, "Cozy blankets."

Derek laughed, "Okay, well let me know if you change your mind. I'll wait up."

"Don't stay up too late please. I love you, and I'm grateful you want to stay up but you need to sleep." She shook her head fully knowing he would not listen.

"I don't sleep well alone," he shook his head.

"Imagine how I felt when you were at the bar with Lucas last night," Meredith teased as she moved from where she was standing and made her way to the hall.

Derek laughed, "Touché. You got me there."

"You were wide open," Meredith smiled, "I'm happy things are better between the two of you."

"Me too," he nodded.

"Don't let Ellis sleep too late. Send her to bed. Now."

"Can't hear you, line's cutting out. Don't fall asleep in the office. Love you," his voice mimicked static as the screen went black. She rolled her eyes as she stopped near the room of a patient of hers.

"Irene," Meredith sighed, "Are you feeling okay? How's the pain?"

"I'm okay. I'm waiting for Norman."

"Did he go back to the-"

"No, no he's just outside calling the kids."

"You have kids?"

"Three." Irene smiled, "What about you? Surely you must have children although I don't see a wedding ring on your finger."

Meredith chuckled. Irene was a traditional woman of her time, "I do. I have three. And their dad is my husband."

"Oh tell me about them."

"My kids?" Meredith asked as she watched Irene enthusiastically nod, "Well, they're bold. Bright. Kind. Intelligent. Brilliant. The greatest gift my husband and I have given each other."

And they were. And she loved talking about them, even to a complete stranger.

Irene smiled, "They grow up in the blink of an eye don't they?"

"Mm," Meredith hummed, "I feel like I was just holding them in my arms yesterday."

"Wait until you have grandkids," Irene muttered as she raised her life, "I have seven."

Meredith smiled as Irene sighed with content, "Oh, it's been a long life. I've lived a very long, happy life."

Meredith stood at the edge of the bed as she adjusted the oxygen, "I'm so sorry we can't do anything more, Irene."

"Oh, no," Irene chuckled softly, "Wipe that look off your face. Don't be so sad."

"I've lived a long, happy, life," Irene smiled, "With a lot of ups and downs. I lived through a lot. And I'm ending it with a wonderful partner. This life has never stopped surprising me."

Meredith smiled as she tried to hold back her tears.

"Is your life like that?" Irene breathily asked, "Filled with love and so much happiness?"

"Your momma says it's time for bed," Derek walked into the bedroom prepared to put his daughter to bed only to be greeted with imploring green eyes.

"Five more minutes," She moved to kneel on her bed and pressed both palms together, "Please.'

"No. Bed. Now," he shook his head. Ellis dramatically fell on the bed as he released a chuckle, "I swear, your mother probably has cameras watching our every move."

Ellis giggled as he tucked her in.

"Comfy?"

"Mmhm," she nodded, "Daddy?"

"Yes baby girl?" He sat at the edge of the bed as each of his palms rested on each of her sides.

"I'm sorry I was mean to everyone. I know I hurt everyone's feelings."

He sighed as his eight-year-old slowly shattered his head, "Sometimes we say things we don't mean. And sometimes things just come out. I know that happened."

"Everyone at school thinks I'm mean now," Ellis quietly whispered, "I don't mean to be like that. I don't like being mean."

"You're not mean," he gently pushed her hair back, "You made mistakes because you were mad. And your anger was directed at the wrong people. What are you gonna do to fix it?"

She twisted her mouth before reaching to the drawer in the nightstand. She pulled out some cards filled with hearts and flowers, "I made these. I'm gonna give them to everyone I was mean to."

"I think that's a good idea," Derek smiled, "Is there one for Zo and B?"

Ellis grinned, "And you. And momma."

"Ah," he smirked, "Can I have mine now."

Ellis pondered his request before shuffling through the makeshift cards, "You can't read it in front of me."

He smiled at the blue construction paper in his hand, "Okay."

She slammed back onto her pillow and reached for the blankets. Derek helped her tuck back in before reaching down and kissing her forehead- just like he'd done many times before, "Sweet dreams, baby girl. I love you."

"Love you,too," she whispered as a yawn escaped her, "Momma said she's coming for breakfast."

Ellis Grey succumbed to a deep sleep with a little grin pulling at the edge of her mouth.

"Yeah," he whispered as he closed the door, "She'll be back for breakfast."

As he walked down the hallway, he stopped at the first bedroom and stood at the door. Bailey really was his son. He splattered all over his bed, face down, as soft snores escaped him. That was inherited from his mother. Derek shook his head and gently closed the door. His next stop was his oldest, who'd fallen asleep with a book in her hands. Mind Your Head. His daughter had somehow grown out of fiction books and was now reading books and articles about brains and heart valves and mental health.

She was looking for answers. She was always looking for answers. He gently pried the book off her hands and placed the previously tossed bookmark in it's place. As he set it down on her nightstand, she settled on her side.

His kids were growing up. His kids needed him. And he needed them. He just needed to be enough. Even if it didn't always feel like he was.

He stepped into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. The card on his hand was meticulously drawn with a blue ferry boat in the front. Clouds graced the hand drawn sky and the water seemed as blue as ever.

Dear Daddy,

Sorry I was mean. I hope you forgive me because you are the best daddy ever. I love you forever.

Love,

Elly Belly.

P.S. I love my tree house. Even if it's not finished.

He laughed. He hadn't called her that since she'd started school. Meredith had shortened it to Ellie Belle and that was that. He reread the letter again. She'd gotten everything right down to the apostrophes and punctuation.

He looked at the drawing at the bottom. A treehouse-incomplete- was drawn as five figures stood next to it holding hands.

This was going straight to the office alongside the dozen taped to the wall on the side of his desk.

His phone chirped in his pocket.

I'll make it for breakfast. I promise.

And just like that, he knew he'd be sleeping alone for the night.

Meredith looked up at the flatline, "Time of death: 11:34."

She ripped her gloves off and bit her lip tightly, the tang of defeat was a fresh taste in her mouth and she despised it.

"Anyone know where her husband is?" She looked up at Nurse Linda.

"I saw him in the waiting room on the phone," the nurse gulped.

Meredith swallowed a lump and made her way out of the room. Her shoulders slumped as she took a few steps out of the room. Losing a patient was hard. It was an inexplicable pain that only surgeons understood. No one in medical school prepared you to be the one to tell a spouse they were now widowed or to tell a child they were orphaned. And it never got any easier.

"Oh Dr. Grey," Norman's voice stopped her in her tracks. She looked up to see the hopeful old man look back at her, "My Irene, how's she doing? I was just telling our son he should make his way up here."

He stuffed the old phone in his pocket as Meredith placed a hand on his shoulder, "Norman."

The elderly man looked up. He instantly recognized the tone.

"No," he whispered, "No. Not my Irene. Not so soon."

Meredith blinked, "I am so sorry. We did everything we could possibly do but she went into cardiac arrest. And we could not revive her."

"Oh," Norman muttered as he reached to lean against the wall.

"Norman, are you okay? Do you need-"

"Can I see her?

Meredith nodded before walking him to say farewell to his partner. The partner who danced with him until she no longer could.

Who had lived a life full of love and happiness.

"She promised," Ellis stared at the front door as she gripped the card in her hand.

"She's probably stuck in traffic," Zola tried.

"Or she's on her way," Bailey shrugged.

"I just said that!" Zola scoffed.

Her brother shrugged as their father looked from behind the kitchen bar, "Elllis it's getting cold, c'mon eat your breakfast."

"But she promised!" Ellis furrowed her brows, "Momma promised she'd have breakfast with us. You even made waffles!"

"She did text late last night saying she had to scrub in on an emergency surgery," he tried to reason, "She tried Ellie. I promise."

Ellis stared at the door for a moment before carelessly throwing the card on the couch, "Fine!"

She stomped away to her room. The door slammed loudly and echoed through the house.

"Woah," Zola looked up to her father. He'd made waffles that morning. He'd given them a heads up. Momma would be late. They probably wouldn't even catch her before school but they'd both be home for the rest of the day.

He sighed heavily, "Grab your stuff guys, we're late for school."

Meredith drove down the road with a sense of urgency. She'd slept less than a handful of hours but didn't care because she had promised her daughter they'd have breakfast. Waffles. She promised waffles together. She looked at the time on the screen. It was past 8 and she wouldn't make it. But she had to try. She had to try.

Meredith Grey was a successful, grown, independent woman. Even if she was married and had children, she was all of these things. She'd made a choice long ago to pursue a powerful career. And along the way, she found someone she loved. It'd been a long journey between the two but eventually she knew she wanted more out of what they planted. She chose to accept more and opened herself up to a child. And even though heartbreak followed, so did three beautiful children. She was determined to let them see her as a proactive person who tried to have everything she wanted, even if it wasn't easy. And lately it was anything but.

She quickly parked the car in the driveway and felt her heart drop as she saw her husband's own Cayenne missing. Still, she ran off the car, unlocked the door and looked around as she panted heavily.

She missed it. They'd gone. She'd comforted the spouse of a patient, assisted in a complicated procedure, and saved a life all in one night but missed breakfast.

Dammit.

She threw her bag and sighed heavily as she trudged to the couch. A red construction paper folded in half caught her attention. She picked it up and instantly recognized the artist who drew the moon, a blonde figure and a smaller one next to it.

The door opened to reveal Derek who shook his head when their eyes met.

"I missed breakfast," Meredith quickly blurted, "And I lost a patient. And Karev needed me to scrub in and Owen and I scrubbed in on a trauma. I got busy and I didn't mean to"

He lifted a hand and closed the door, "Meredith, I know that. I know the job. I get it, we're both surgeons. I know, I know you tried."

"Is she mad? Did she cry? How upset is she?" she rambled.

Derek removed his coat and hung it on the rack behind him. He shook his head, "She's pretty upset. She was waiting for you at the door. Holding that in her hand."

"Derek I didn't skip breakfast," she insisted, "I lost Irene. Karev had a complication. An MVC came in and I was the only general surgeon on call!"

"I get that. I do. I do because I'm an adult. I know your job is tough. I don't blame you. You don't need to explain yourself to me," he raised both hands, "But she is eight. She doesn't get it. Not yet. The other two know our jobs very well but this little one is still learning. And she's caught us at a time where we're both at a high in our career. I know you tried."

There was no anger, no malice, no disappointment in his eyes. Only the look of a tired father who dealt with a stubborn, angry daughter.

"And I don't want to add more to your plate but we need to talk about Zola," Derek sighed as he walked towards her at the couch, "I know your tired but-"

Meredith slouched on the couch next to him, "Did she have another panic attack?"

Derek shook his head as he adjusted himself. He tucked one leg under the other and turned to face her, "We need to book those tours. She needs- she deserves the chance to find somewhere where she doesn't feel like the worst is following her everywhere."

Meredith sighed, "She told you the cursed thing?"

Derek nodded. It didn't surprise him that Meredith already knew. She was her confidant.

"Yeah," Derek whispered, "And honestly, I get why she's saying that. Accidents, bombs, planes, all of it's been hell."

"Not all of it," Meredith breathily whispered, "This place has also given us a lot of good."

"Yes," He rubbed his face to look at her. Of course it'd given them a lot. They were standing right on top of it all, "But is it enough for our daughter who hasn't even started living her own life?"

Meredith swallowed. It wasn't just her life. It was Bailey and Ellis too. Their lives hadn't fully started.

"We owe it to them to carve a path where they will thrive," he quietly said, "We've put them through enough."

Meredith nodded. They deserved that and more. So much more.

"I'll call Brookline. I liked what I saw on their site, it seemed good," she whispered, "And I'll call the school in New York too. There's one I thought seemed good. It's in the city."

Derek rubbed his forehead as he watched her pace, "You okay?"

"She hates me," Meredith whispered as tears threatened to spill, "Ellis is my big karmic payback for being a ter-"

"No. Meredith, stop," he sat straighter, "I need you to stop saying that because you are not a terrible mother. And Ellis does not hate you."

"She was expecting me. I promised her and I broke a promise," Meredith folded her hands together- careful not to fold the construction paper in her hand, "I told myself I wouldn't do this again."

"You're not. You never have," he insisted as he motioned to the card in her hands, "Read the card. Read the card and remind yourself that even though she's upset right now, she adores you. And she always will."

She turned her attention to the construction paper in her hands and looked at the drawing again. She opened it and read the words under the stars and moon she drew.

Momma,

I love you to the moon over and over and over again. I"m sorry I was mean to you. I promise to do better. Forever.

Love you to the moon and back over and over and over again,

Ellie-Belle

Meredith sighed as she slowly made her way to lay in her husband's arms. She rested her head against his bicep and melted against his chest. His arms wrapped around her and shielded her from her treacherous thoughts. And just like her daughter, she quietly promised herself she'd do better too.

A/N:...I mean...the one time I watch live man...the one time...

Anyways, this chapter is meant to serve as a chapter that takes us on our next act. Meredith is a super incredible role model but she's human. She's allowed to make mistakes. Derek isn't perfect and he's made his fair share but he's learning to appreciate the small things- even in surgery. And their children are still growing and learning. Elllis is still young and is learning to understand that mom is mom and a surgeon. It's an age where we are learning what that means and really do we ever understand it? She's not being a brat, she's a child who is learning and Meredith isn't negligent. She is also learning. I can't write a perfect character who can balance it all without dropping a plate or two every now and then because that doesn't exist. But I can write a woman whose trying and who embraces the fact that it's not always perfect.

So with that, we're off to new horizons. It's super safe to say that this fic is taking a turn and I'm a little scared and also excited. The ending I have planned out has always been the ending I visualized when I started this. But we're not there yet.

I hope that you continue to follow this fic. It's hard to wrap my mind around Thursday's disaster (i had a breakdown on twitter. it was ugly). So I will try to do better and give our characters an ending that embraces the possibilities of what could have happened while embracing what made us fall in love with them.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for reviewing. See you soon.

Cinders