"Dr. Grey?"
She could hear a voice. She just didn't want to wake up.
"Dr. Grey? Can you hear me?"
"Is she waking up?"
That voice. That one could make her shoot her eyes open. But she was exhausted.
"Anesthesia is wearing off," the shrill voice answered, "She should be awake soon. Dr. Grey? Dr. Grey? Your husband's here."
Meredith couldn't help it anymore, she fluttered her eyes open and was greeted by a pair of sky blue eyes.
"Hey," Derek whispered as he walked towards her and sat on the bed, "How are you feeling?"
"Like someone sliced me open again," she retorted as she grimaced. She closed her eyes as the door closed, giving the pair some much needed privacy, "I had a baby."
"I know," Derek swallowed a lump and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Relief washing over him.
"Did you see her? Where is she? Where is-"
Derek gently pushed her back, "Shhh, shh, sh, don't get up. You just had surgery and it was the scariest hours of my life. Please stay still."
"Where's my- where's my daughter," she shook her head as she suddenly remembered the terrifying hours she had just gone through. A placental abruption. She remembered hearing that there was a chance the baby wasn't receiving enough oxygen. And then not much.
"Mer," Derek whispered, "I saw her. She's in the nursery. I saw her."
Meredith froze. Her mouth slowly contorted into a smile, "You did? How is she? Is she okay?"
"She's beautiful," he smiled, "She's this button little nose, ten little fingers and ten little toes. She's fully intact. She opened her eyes and I have a feeling those eyes are gonna be green in a few days. Just like her mom."
Meredith sighed, "We had another baby."
"We did," Derek chuckled as she slowly succumbed to the tiredness once more.
"We're really outnumbered this time aren't we?"
"Yeah," Derek chuckled, "We kinda are."
He reached for her hand as they both laughed.
"Has Zola seen her? How is she doing? What about Bailey? Zozo saw me in the kitchen-"
Derek nodded as he tried to calm her once again, "She is in the waiting room with Maggie and Amy. Bailey is asleep. They're okay, I promise."
Her mind always wandered to their children- her children as she once yelled at him. Now they had three. Three beautiful children who would be so endlessly loved by the both of them. They'd have both their parents and be smothered with so much love.
The door opened as a nurse walked in with a small clear acrylic cart.
"Dr. Grey? Dr. Shepherd?" The nurse carried a small bundle covered in pink and white blankets fussing and slightly whimpered declaring her presence, "Someone came to say hi."
Before he left the hospital, they'd made plans to spend the day together. It was a rare occasion where the pair had a weekday off. One where it'd be just the two of them and the kids would be at school. They'd mentioned breakfast, drop-offs, a hike on Tiger Mountain Trail, lunch at the diner they both liked or take-out at home. Quality time between the pair.
Instead, she'd fallen asleep on the couch. At least that's what it appeared to be. He must've slipped away sometime after because she was wrapped in a warm afghan that was often left behind on the couch. She could hear the pounding of a hammer on the nails coming from the outside and some faint 80s rock band playing in the background.
Meredith sat up and stared ahead. She rubbed her eyes until they landed on a card on the coffee table. Right. She had missed breakfast and broke the little girl that was often called her clone. The pounding began again and she turned to see what the commotion was about.
Derek could be seen outside hammering away at the wood he'd gotten for their daughter's treehouse. She wrapped the afghan around her and walked out to meet him.
"If you're gonna go with the 80s you can at least go with the Go-Go's. Eurythmics? Duran Duran? Y'know, something with taste," she teased as she approached him.
He turned and chuckled as he reached to shut off the speaker he'd taken out, "Nobody hates the Ramones except you. And this was '76. "
She rolled her eyes. Details, details. She didn't mind them but seeing the look of annoyance on his face was always worth it. The kids had- to her misfortune- acquired his taste. Or force fed his taste in music. She hadn't decided which was worse. But watching Ellis sing from the top of her tiny lungs in the back of the car was so worth putting up with his questionable taste.
"How long did you let me sleep?" she inhaled as she pulled the afghan tighter.
"Couple hours? It's half past twelve now," he figured as he turned back to throw the hammer with the rest of the tools.
"You let me sleep that long?!" her eyes bulged out as she counted back, "We had plans!"
"You had a long night and a hefty morning," He shrugged, "And technically nothing was cemented."
She shook her head, "What would I do without you?"
"Many things," he smirked, "You'd do many things you just wouldn't have as much fun."
She laughed. Genuinely.
Many years ago, she'd come to terms that Derek Shepherd would never be her best friend. He'd never be her person.
But he'd be her partner. And in many ways, that was more than a best friend or a person because together, they had built a life. A life she'd often mocked and resented for many years. But now, she could look at it from afar and be glad that they'd chosen each other. Even if it took them a few falls and trips to get there.
"Are you building the house for Ellie?"
"I am," he nodded as he turned back, "Deck's done and bracket's are secure so if she ever runs back up at least it's safe. But now I want to use those branches for the railing system. I want a top rail and balusters, I think she'll like that."
Meredith bit her lip as she stared at him clueless, "I have no idea what you're talking about but knowing her, she'll love it."
He laughed as he tossed a pencil at the table he was working on, "You want to grab lunch? Kids won't be out for a while, we can pick them up."
The little diner he had promised wasn't too far off. It was also kind of empty at this time of day with little to no customers. They'd settled on coffee and a shared slice of pie. She wasn't hungry but he insisted that she have something fully knowing she hadn't had any food since the night before.
He laughed a little as he cut in half the final bite. It was a rare occurrence for the pair to be on their own for such a long time. Between the hospital and the kids, their dates like these had decreased. They'd tried after they'd settled back in Seattle for good, but their children were growing and their needs were too.
"What?" Meredith tilted her head, "Why are you laughing?"
Derek shook his head as he leaned back, "We went from dates in the OR to sneaking off a few minutes before we get the kids from school."
Meredith laughed as she bit into the last piece he'd left for her, "I miss our OR dates."
"You do?"
Meredith nodded, "I miss the OR. I mean I'm happy being chief, I actually enjoy it but sometimes I just need to step in the OR and cut."
"That's why I hated it," he agreed as he sipped his coffee, "You seem to be managing it well though. You've been good at delegating and everyone respects you."
"I'm managing the hospital well," Meredith muttered as her gaze fell down to an empty plate, "Everything else is not well managed, Derek."
Everything being her children. Her son and her two daughters who had been fighting with each other over decisions that were never properly made. Her eldest, whose panic attacks had worsened over the past year. Her only son who had been in a car accident and needed emergency surgery. And her youngest who felt alone and abandoned. All of it had made her doubt any confidence she felt in balancing the many plates she juggled. And a bruise to her confidence was a bruise to her ego. It made her feel useless and all the fears she'd suppressed had surfaced back up again.
"Meredith," Derek gently pushed.
"It wasn't like this with Zo," she sighed as she looked up to him, "She always got it. She always knew that momma worked and she was fine about it. I'd be stuck at the hospital and she was fine."
That was true. Zola had wholeheartedly understood that her mother was a surgeon. A very important surgeon with a talent at saving people's lives. She was an empathetic little creature at such an early age.
"And Bailey was always busy- you kept him busy. You said his temper needed to be in check after the tantrums he used to throw in daycare so we put him in every sport so he barely felt it," Meredith sighed.
Derek adjusted himself on the booth and leaned his arm over the back. He watched her battle with her feelings. The turmoil inside was something he couldn't remove. Not with words, not with surgery. That turmoil inside her was never ending.
"And Bailey loves being busy, he's going nuts in that house doing absolutely nothing," Meredith continued.
He was close to being in the clear. So close but Alex was playing it as safe as possible and both parents were thankful to him for that.
"Ellis quit dance and flat out said 'No thanks' when you suggested soccer or softball so she wasn't busy. She's always been home or expected us home," Meredith shrugged.
Derek laughed. She'd loved the idea of dance class but she hated the discipline that came with it. She was a completely free spirit and no one could tie her down.
Each of their children had a different experience with their career. Each of them had a different reaction to the craziness that their parents' jobs were. And slowly, that understanding they once had began to unravel into panic attacks, fist fights, and tantrums.
"Zola had me at home for a while after the accident. Bailey didn't even have a chance to miss us because we kept him busy," he shrugged, "Ellis-"
Meredith's head snapped, "Are you seriously about to say I should slow down? Because that's what it's starting-"
"I know better than that," he straightened up, "I know what your career means to you Meredith because I know you and I helped train you. And I know that if I even think about suggesting otherwise, I will have divorce papers served and you'll take the kids and run off with some idiot."
She raised her brow unamused at the smirk he threw at her, "I don't need an idiot to run off to. I can run off by myself."
Derek laughed before he leaned forward on the table. His eyes locked onto hers as his gaze softened.
"They're good kids. The three of them. They're such good kids because their entire lives, they've seen you do good," He whispered, "She's just-"
He inhaled through his teeth, "-Feeling. She's strong. But when that little girl feels, she feels with every little inch in her body. And she's stubborn. Just like her mother."
"She's not-!" She glared at him with a furrowed brow, "Okay, she is stubborn like me. She's a lot like me."
Meredith sighed as she sunk further down into her side of the booth. Derek watched her as she pouted.
"You said she was like you," he quietly recalled as his blue eyes searched hers, "When she hid in the treehouse, you said that you ran and hid from all your feelings just like she did."
Meredith raised a brow as he repeated the whispers she had shared with him the night Ellis had climbed up the tree into the unstable foundation of a treehouse he had just completed. She saw a lot of her younger self in that little girl. And so much of her was nothing like her. Meredith had worked to maintain her innocence, to shield her from the cruelties the world had to offer. She had failed Zola the minute the first panic attack happened. And Bailey had just experienced one of the cruelest obstacles.
"When I was a kid, I thought what my mother did was amazing," she sighed, "I thought that being a surgeon was incredible and I knew that she was… who she was. But I hated that she put that over me."
The chattering in the diner seemed to dim. Her voice was slightly raised, slightly bitter, hurt by the years of emotional abuse that came with being Ellis Grey's daughter. Derek watched as she bit on her lip and tortured the skin around her fingernails.
"I mean it'd be different if she actually…" Meredith inhaled, "If she had to choose, I know she would've chosen surgery. Because she never gave me anything to think otherwise."
Derek listened. No words came out as her words echoed in his head. Ellis Grey was a force to be reckoned with. A surgical legend that everyone admired. And he included himself in that list of admirers until he fell in love with her daughter and had witnessed how she couldn't see the extraordinary Meredith was.
"And when Maggie's mom died, I kept thinking about mine. What she took and what she gave," Meredith closed her eyes and slightly shook her head, "She took Maggie away from me and Thatcher and Lexie. But she gave me a gift to heal and I get to do that. I get to send people home with a second chance-"
"Yeah, you do," Derek understood that feeling more than anyone. When he'd been on the table years ago, he went over the procedure step by step. The way his wife would do it. He's sat in the gallery countless times as her hands fixed and cut all to send home a patient with their family.
"And Maggie's mom talked about her wanting Mags to have siblings," Meredith swallowed, "Ours have two each and they're at each other's throats every other day lately."
"They get that from me," Derek exhaled deeply, "And Amy and the other three."
Meredith chuckled. They were hard headed like Shepherds who fought until the bitter end.
"That day Bailey and Zola were yelling at each other," he sighed as he rubbed his forehead, "It was like watching Amy and I all those years ago."
Meredith watched as he had his own moment of reflection, "I could hear my dad's voice yell in my ear 'Derek Christopher Shepherd stop fighting with your sister. It's your job to protect her. If you don't do it who will?'"
Meredith watched as he toyed with a packet of sugar, he bent the packet at the corners until he tossed it to the side and looked up. He shrugged, "First time I had thought about him in that way since- well since Ellis was born."
Unfinished conversations. Unfinished advice. Memories that seemed to fade away as the years went by. All things they both had and yet never shared.
"There was a napkin she had written on. Ellis- my mother not your daughter. I found it after I returned from Europe when her Alzheimer's worsened. 'Tell Meredith…' something. It was blank, it was empty. She never finished it."
Derek tilted his head as the napkin piqued his interest.
"What she wanted to tell me, I have no idea but if I could go back, I would want to know. I would want to ask her if she ever thought about mending things between us."
A part of Meredith Grey would always live in that world of wondering. A world of never ending questions because a relationship between a mother and daughter was brutally difficult. And hers was filled with difficulties, arguments, and fighting matches.
"I am left with a complicated, tangled relationship with my mother and I don't want that for my daughters," she swallowed the lump in her throat, "I don't want that for Ellie. I don't want her to feel that I would choose surgery over her because I-I-"
Derek leaned forward and sighed, "You'd choose love. In the choice between surgery and love, you would choose our kids."
An old conversation where both had shown some of their darkest colors. She blinked back tears because she knew he was right.
In a fight between surgery and her children, her children would always win. No matter the cost. She would always do the right thing by them even if it cost her. She refused to make the same mistakes Ellis Grey made with her.
"You'd always choose our kids."
Meredith blinked as her fingers danced along the edges of her table, "Do you wish you could go back sometimes? To talk to your dad?"
She didn't miss the slight reaction she got from him. His face twitched slightly and a knot had formed at the base of his throat. His hands gripped at nothing as they slowly became fists. And the twinkle that was always found in his eyes had dimmed.
"All the time."
Ellis kicked a small rock as she walked towards the gate. Her teacher had dismissed her claiming she'd seen her parents waiting but even she knew her teacher was lying. It was her dad only. Or maybe even Erin. Not her mom. Mom had missed breakfast even after she had promised waffles.
"You're gonna hurt somebody if you kick that rock any harder," a voice called to her, "You might even kick it at me."
Ellis' head snapped up in disbelief. Her mom stood at the gate with her hands in her pocket and a smile on her face. For a brief second, she was happy. So happy she wanted to run into her arms and hold her so tightly.
"You broke a promise," Ellis crinkled her brows together, "You didn't come home for breakfast."
"I know," Meredith promised, "I told you I would be home by breakfast and I wasn't. It's okay to be upset about it."
Ellis kicked the rock again, this time hitting a different direction far from her mother.
"I am upset," Ellis pouted.
The kids continued to walk past them and a mom or two turned to look at her. Dr. Grey was rarely at any school function. Everyone knew she was too busy. And those judgmental stay at home mothers couldn't understand that she could do both; be a mother and a doctor. Even if it came with sacrifices.
"Okay," Meredith sighed. Clearly, she wouldn't be forgiven soon, "Well Daddy's in the car. And I convinced him to make us waffles for dinner."
Ellis said nothing but a small smile began to creep up her face. She gripped her backpack a little tighter by the straps.
"And he said he'd make them only if his favorite chef helped him," Meredith grinned fully knowing that it would work.
Ellis Carolyn was a daddy's girl after all.
"Already?" Zola blinked as she looked up to her father.
"Mmhm," Derek nodded as he passed her a spoon and placed the ice cream bin in the middle of the pair, "Your mom emailed them earlier and got confirmation dates for both. We fly out to New York next week."
Zola dipped her spoon in the chocolate ice cream and placed it in her mouth, "Have you told Bailey? He's gonna be upset."
"Maybe," Derek shrugged, "Maybe not. We haven't told him but we are. Soon."
It didn't sit well with her, "Dad, you didn't want to leave to Minnesota last year. You and mom fought a lot about it. And then you changed your mind and said you were okay with it and then she changed her mind."
Derek shook his head. There were many regrets he had in life but the greatest one had to be that Zola had heard their argument outside their house. Tensions were at an all time high. He and Meredith had been fighting and the bomb finally exploded. He had stayed in the trailer until Meredith told him that Zola had heard. Everything. It was too much for a child.
"Your mom and I are uh," he dropped his spoon and looked her in the eyes, "Zola I'm sorry you had to hear-"
"I know," Zola pressed her lips in a tight line, "You apologized that day. And you and mom don't fight like that anymore. I get it."
He nodded. Zola was wise beyond her years. A wisdom he never had at such an age and an understanding that adults were human too. Riddled with mistakes and little room to grow.
"Minnesota and D.C. were options that weren't right for us. We uh, we had our jobs in mind when our focus should've been on you three." '
"Exactly," Zola shrugged, "It's not fair-"
"What's not fair?" Meredith walked into the kitchen and gaped at the scene, "Why are you two hiding in here having ice cream?"
Zola giggled, "Ice cream talk Mom."
"Yeah," Derek shrugged as if it was nothing out of the ordinary, "It's a Dad and Zola thing."
Meredith rolled her eyes at him and stuck her tongue playfully at her daughter. The pair had always been close. They'd always had a bond that was seemingly unbreakable. She adored her father and he adored her. Clearly Zola was always meant to be his daughter. He knew it the second she was in his arms all those years ago.
Zola giggled, "Mom, Dad was telling me about the schools."
"Oh," Meredith made her way to the drawer and grabbed a spoon of her own. She looked into the bin and frowned. Chocolate was not a favorite of hers, "Well, we knew it had to happen. We just needed to set a date."
She ate only a bit of ice cream in the spoon and threw it in the sink. Small footsteps raced down the hallway and into the kitchen.
"I knew it!" Bailey yelled, "Ellis! They are in here!"
His jaw dropped at the sight, "And they're eating ice cream!"
Another pair of footsteps ran down the halls as Ellis made her own appearance. She gasped, "That's not fair!"
Both children had been a miracle and Meredith had been convinced they had been unsuccessful at getting pregnant before because Zola was meant to be in their lives. At least she believed that now. Years ago, she'd have a perfectly logical explanation. Now, she could care less. All she knew was that she was promised babies and she had them.
Both blonde children were clad in pajamas, ready for bed. Their blue and green eyes sparkled in feigned anger.
Meredith giggled, "If it helps, I caught the two of them about a minute ago."
Derek dropped his head before smiling at them, "Hop on up, we have to talk to you."
Meredith reached for spoons as her husband reached for another ice cream bin. Overly sugared little children were a nightmare. Overly sugared little Grey Shepherds were probably worse. But the news that they would be going forward with something they feared was the absolute worst. The parents hated disappointing their children. But what do you do when one of your children is in desperate need of what the others fear?
Both parents glanced at each other before Derek spoke, "Okay the last time you heard about the maybe-possibly-could-or-could-not be happening moving thing, was not right."
"So we're gonna try again," Meredith smiled gently, "Your sister needs more support. Not just from us."
Bailey furrowed his brow and tilted his head. He quickly glanced at his older sister who played with her spoon, "What does that mean?"
"It means that we're helping Zola find a school that helps her with what she needs," Derek sighed.
"And some of those schools are not in Seattle," Meredith softly added. Their reaction was something she feared, "One school is in New York and the other is in Boston."
Zola fidgeted in her seat. Derek watched as the stool she sat on shook. If Derek looked, he'd see she was moving her foot. Quickly. An anxious tick she'd developed over the last months. It was a small change. Little movements and little things that no one would've noticed. To some it was normal. And sometimes those ticks were silent.
Derek reached to gently squeeze her shoulder. I got you he seemed to say as she looked up at him. She smiled, but the fidgeting continued.
Ellis sighed, "Are we moving now?"
"No," Meredith shook her head, "No one has made any choices. We are just…opening our options."
She had expected fireworks and yelling. Screaming and blaming like all those days ago when they pointed fingers and threw the blame at one another. Funny how the outright truth of things could sometimes change the perspective of a growing child.
"Mmhm," Derek nodded, "And when we do make a choice, you'll be the first to know. Okay?"
The three siblings looked at each other, "Okay."
"Zo?" Bailey turned to his sister, "It's gonna be okay. We promise."
Ellis smiled at her big sister before digging back into the ice-cream.
Zola grinned back. The fidgeting stopped.
"I think we can call that a parenting win," Derek proudly announced as he stood at the frame of the bathroom door.
"Ice cream, Derek?" she turned from the sink, "That's what you and Zo were doing, you health nut?"
"It's a daddy/daughter thing," Derek snickered proudly as he moved to grab his own toothbrush, "It started last year when she started asking questions about her birth parents. Big conversations happen over ice cream."
He noticed through the mirror how she slightly shivered. A sore spot. An envelope with information they'd requested from the orphanage in Africa, sat on the bottom drawer in their work desk. She'd offered Zola answers, and Zola had gracefully declined.
She wondered, but it didn't mean she was ready for answers.
"One fire out, many more to go," Meredith muttered, "Ellis said she didn't want a storybook, tonight."
Derek furrowed his brow as he took the toothbrush out of his mouth. He wiped the excess toothpaste foam that slipped out of his mouth, "You've been reading one to her every night you're here for months now."
"Not anymore," Meredith forced a smile as she put away her brush and toothpaste. She turned away and made her way out of the bathroom, "I have an early surgery tomorrow, I might be out before the kids are up."
"Annie," Meredith walked in with a group of young doctors with her, "Good morning, how are we doing?"
"I'm ready to have this tumor removed. Please tell me we're getting it out today," Annie replied as her husband chuckled.
"She barely got any sleep last night," he sighed, "She's ready."
"Good," Meredith smiled, "Dr. Griffith, present."
"Annie Li, six centimeter hepatic adenoma. She is scheduled for a laparoscopic resection today," Simone confidently announced.
Meredith listened as she continued listing off her surgery. She detailed the procedure with ease. There was a lot about herself that she saw in Simone. And she was good. Good interns were scarce.
"Okay, good," Meredith nodded before turning back to her patient, "Okay, we're gonna get you ready. Take you to the OR and we'll get to work. I've got you, okay?"
Annie exhaled deeply before shuttering, "Thank you, Dr. Grey."
Meredith nodded once and smiled before exiting the room. As they walked out the five interns followed her.
"Uh, Dr. Grey, will anyone be scrubbing in with you?" Lucas asked.
"Yes, Griffith will," Meredith turned to them, "She's the one who admitted her when she came into the ER with pain and I want you to watch your patient through."
The intern nodded, "Thank you, Dr. Grey."
Blue raised his hand, "Will we be able to watch?"
Normally the answer would be yes. Of course it would be yes. It was a teaching hospital after all and they needed to learn. If she was going to bring the hospital back to it's high ranks, this is where she needed to start.
"No," she shook her head, "I want the gallery closed. I don't need an audience today. Go find something to do."
The interns ushered away disappointed in the news. It was rare to watch her in action as it was, that her closing off the gallery was a punch to the stomach.
Griffith's phone went off. A shrill sound echoed in the hallway as she quickly made to look at it. She glanced at the name and hesitated. The call went ignored.
"Aren't you gonna get that?"
Griffith blinked, "I uh, it's my grandma."
Meredith nodded. Simone's grandmother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and she had confessed to Meredith that it had taken a toll on her. No wonder she saw a lot of herself in her.
"You should answer now before she calls again when you're in the OR," Meredith whispered as she carefully placed her tablet in the charging station.
"Dr. Grey, I'm sorry-"
"No, don't apologize," Meredith gently shook her head gently, "You're a doctor, but you're also a human being with a life outside these hospital walls. I know it's hard and I know being an intern doesn't make it any easier."
Simone scoffed, "No, it really doesn't."
Ellis Grey had been a thorn on her side during her own intern year. Now, she felt some guilt over feeling that but it didn't invalidate the fact that she felt trapped that year. She bore a responsibility and a secret she never asked for. It was a sword hanging over hear head. When it finally fell, every intern in that hospital had tried to help her- in their own twisted, sardonic way. But no one truly understood.
And the one person she had trusted with that secret, suddenly had a wife. He owed it to her to at least let her pretend none of it was true by letting her scrub in on a surgery.
"I know what it's like to carry that burden. I couldn't stop thinking about my mother when I was an intern," Meredith sighed, "And now, I have three kids that constantly invade my every single thought. But while I'm in that OR, when I have a scrub cap on, I put them in a box. A small box in the back in the back of my mind."
Simone listened intently.
"Because my patient is trusting me with her life," Meredith continued, "And as soon as I'm out. The box bursts open and they're back. It's hard, and it doesn't get easier. But I am here if you need to talk, okay?"
Simone swallowed a lump as she fidgeted with the phone in her hand, "Thanks Chief."
The phone rang again.
"Okay," Meredith whispered, "Be ready in two hours."
Simone watched as the chief walked down the hallway and into the elevator.
She picked up the phone, "Grandma? No, no, I'll be home later."
"I don't like coming to the hospital," Ellis furrowed her brow as she stomped down the hospital hallway, "I should be in school. We're doing a new art project"
Derek smiled as he tightened his hold on his daughter's hands. He wasn't in scrubs but wore his white coat. He'd have to take her back to school soon anyway. And the chief would probably suspend him but it would be worth it.
"You want to know why Momma loves her job right?" Derek asked as he walked his daughter up the stairs, "She asked to keep the gallery closed today and you are not supposed to be up here but I'm gonna show you."
He opened the gallery door and invited her in. No sat in the gallery. Ellis looked around before she stepped in and her father closed the door. She approached the glass window and carefully looked through it.
"Retract more cepholad," the lead surgeon ordered.
Ellis' eyes widened, "Is that mom?"
"Mmhm, that's your momma," Derek smiled as he sat next to her.
"This is gross," she looked up at him before turning back to the surgery and sitting on the chair behind her.
"Yeah, it is," Derek sighed as he sat next to her, "If you really want to go, we'll-"
"No, I want to know what she's doing," She scooted forward to get a closer look. Derek chuckled as he began to whisper what was happening on the table.
Down in the OR Simone briefly glanced up and rolled her head. A pair in the gallery caught her eyes. She blinked. Dr. Grey would kill her. She had specifically said the gallery needed to be closed. No audience. There wasn't a need for it. Except the pair in the gallery seemed familiar.
"Dr. Grey," she quietly whispered, "We have eyes."
Meredith shook her head, "I thought I said I wanted the gallery closed."
Simone shifted ever so slightly, "Um, it's Dr. Shepherd and I'm guessing it's your daughter."
Meredith quickly looked up at the intern confused before looking up at the gallery. Derek sat whispering something to the little girl next to him. Ellis swung her feet as she paid close attention. She wore a green jacket and her flower patterned combat boots. Both her hands lay flat on the chair as she swung her legs back and forth.
Meredith smiled brightly at the curious pair of green eyes looking down- even if it was under a mask. Ellis realized her mom had spotted her and raised her hand. She wiggled her fingers and waved shyly. Meredith raised her brows before turning back to work. She motioned for the nurse to turn on the intercom.
"Dr. Shepherd, I think your guest might be a little too young for this," Meredith playfully announced. The rest of the OR chuckled.
"Oh, I think she can handle it," Derek stood to press the intercom button while winking at his youngest, "She's brave like her mother."
Ellis' giggles rang in the OR.
"What is she doing?" Ellis turned to her father.
"Her patient has something called a tumor. It's dangerous to her body and she's removing it so her patient doesn't feel any more pain. She'll be able to go home and live a happy and healthy life. ."
"Oh," Ellis blinked as she stared ahead.
Derek watched proudly as his daughter took in the sight before her. It surprised him very little to see her not flinch at anything happening. Then again, she sat with her big sister once as she snuck some surgical videos on her laptop.
"Your momma and I took a long time to get to do what we do. We went to school, practiced a lot, and practiced even more," Derek whispered, "And your momma sacrificed so much so she could practice the gift she's been given."
Ellis turned to look at him with wide eyes. Innocence and wonder mixed with curiosity. Their daughter hadn't fully understood the weight of their jobs, but today, she'd understand a bit. One day, she'd hopefully understand the complexities of their jobs, the decisions they made, and their sacrifices.
Derek inhaled, "You know how your momma says you and B and Zo can do anything you want? When you grow up?"
"Mmhm," the little girl nodded, "I told mom I wanted to be a chef"
"Exactly," he whispered, "Your momma didn't always have someone to say that to her. And even though she had to prove herself a lot. Now, she's one of the best surgeons in her field."
Ellis turned back to the OR.
"Your momma loves you so much Ellie," he whispered, "she also loves what she gets to do. SHe saves lives and does her best to make sure everyone gets just a little lucky as she is. Not a lot of people get to do that."
If Meredith was listening, she was pretending to ignore them. She continued to focus and work meticulously on her patient who was receiving a gift.
"She's amazing," Ellis whispered in awe, "Can we stay to watch until she's done."
Meredith smiled brightly under her mask. Dr. Griffith noticed her eyes crinkle in a smile.
"I think you're pretty amazing too, Dr. Grey," Griffith muttered.
"I'm just doing my job," Meredith looked up, "Graspers please."
"I should be writing you up. You broke the rules," Meredith announced with a smile as a figure approached her.
"Oh please, admit it," Derek leaned against the counter, "You liked having your daughter watch you."
He smirked as Meredith stopped charting to look at him, "I did. I think it helped her understand a little, thank you."
"Mmhm," Derek smiled as he leaned down to press a quick kiss on her lips, "She was impressed. I think she may be following in the Grey footsteps."
"God I hope not," Meredith's eyes bulged out as she realized what she blurted out. She turned to her husband and blinked.
He raised a brow. She'd always encouraged Zola when she announced she would be a neurosurgeon. She had even tried to convince her that general was better.
"Did I really just say that out loud?" She blinked.
"Yeah, you did," he chuckled as he crossed his arms. He furrowed his brows in confusion, "You really don't want her too?"
Meredith sighed, "I just…She has very heavy names. Grey. Shepherd. And to top it off I insisted on Ellis. That's a very heavy burden to bear. I know I have Grey and that was difficult during med school and residency."
"What about the other two? Their names are Grey-Shepherd-"
Meredith stayed quiet for a moment and thought about her answer. Her children following in their footsteps was…complicated. It never was until she realized how similar they were to their parents. And that scared her.
"I will cheer them on, whatever they choose to do," Meredith shrugged, "But if I had my way, I don't know if…I sound like my mother. She said the same thing once-"
"That was different, and you know it," he shook his head, "You know they can handle it. You just don't want them to feel any pain because you care."
Motherhood was complicated. On one hand, you wanted to give your children the world. On the other, you wanted to protect them from it. And that innate nature of protection was something that was gnawing at her.
Meredith pursed her lips into a tight line, "I wish I could carve their lives into perfection. With no pain. No suffering. But I- we can't, so-"
She shrugged. Such was the life of a parent.
"We can't protect them from everything," Derek whispered as he leaned closer to her, "No matter how much we want to."
Meredith nodded and as she was about to respond, Amelia appeared out of thin air and stood in between the couple, "How much do you love me? Am I still your favorite sister?"
"Oh, what the hell did you do?" Derek asked knowingly.
"You did what?" Derek yelled as he closed the door behind him. He made his way to his desk as he let his sister ramble.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to tell her, she started asking questions and we started talking and things got awkward and when that happens I just word vomit you know. I didn't mean to tell her you were going."
"That's why she called twice today," Derek removed his coat and threw it on the hook. He shook his head and flopped onto his chair, "She's been calling since yesterday."
Amelia scoffed as she moved to sit across him,"Why don't you just pick up the damn phone? Simple solution."
"Amy-"
"No, really, you are mom's favorite and you always call. You're the freaking golden child and even the sisters adore you," she shrugged, "I'm the black sheep, I have a reason to avoid them."
"You are not a black sheep," Derek shook his head.
"Derek," Amelia insisted, "This is about what mom told me when I was in New York. About what you promised. What she apologized for?"
Derek exhaled before whispering, "I'm glad you and mom solved your differences."
Amelia stared at her brother for a moment. They'd had their differences for years. It was a very thin line of brotherly love and fatherly protection that he tiptoed on for a long time. And in the past, she resented him. Now, she understood that a weight had been placed on him and when he seemingly felt like he had failed, he ran. He ran as far as he could and right now, he felt the stench of failure.
"You need to talk to her," Amy leaned her elbows on her knees, "You need to make peace with the fact that our childhood was crap and that it was not our fault. You need to do that and this is your chance."
Derek leaned back on his chair as he closed his eyes. He wasn't ready for such a reality. He had worked over the last eight years to mend the failures of his past with his wife and children. He tried to give them everything, and he wasn't ready to face a dark past.
His sister however, had lived lifetimes over him. And now she was the wiser.
"I hate you," he smiled, "You suck. You've dropped to sister number four."
"Oh please, I'm number one and you know it- they all know it," she smirked.
"Did you like going to the hospital?"
"Mmhm," Ellis smiled as she scooted into the bed, "It was cool but it was also gross. I don't know if I want to go again."
"Yeah, it kind of is. But it's also pretty cool to save lives," Meredith laughed before inhaling deeply, "I have something for you."
"You do?" Ellis' curiosity piqued as she sat up.
"Mmhm," Meredith pulled a small box up to her lap and raised a brow, "I gave Zo a set of these books last year. She finished them in days and Bailey is now reading her set but this one, I saved it for you."
"You did?" Ellis gasped as she opened the box. A set of tattered books were set in the box. They were slightly worn, a sign they had been read over and over again by their previous owner.
"They're a little old," Meredith nodded, "Your dad found them in the attic of our old home- where Aunt Amelia lives. And I want to pass them down to you."
Ellis carefully pulled out one book and flipped through it, "You do?"
"Mmhm," Meredith smiled, "Zola and Bailey know a lot about my mom- because they've asked a lot of questions. But you haven't asked and I never wanted to- these books got me through some very difficult times. When I thought life wasn't easy, or when I felt I was lonely, and it was dark I read them."
Ellis took another book out. And another until the box was empty.
"I wasn't gonna give them to you yet," Meredith continued, "I was gonna wait at least until you were ten but I thought, maybe we could read them together?"
Ellis nodded happily, "Which one's first?"
He wasn't even sure what made him do this. He had told Meredith he needed to finish some charts and prepare for their trip and yet here he was making his way to this damn place.
It'd seen a lot from him. Darkness. Anger. Frustration. It took a lot. But it gave a lot.
He knocked and stepped back until a familiar face opened the door.
"It's late. Very late," the woman raised a brow as Derek stepped in, "What was so urgent you needed to talk now?"
Derek sighed heavily as he sat on the couch. He rubbed his hands together, unsure of what he was about to do.
"You remember that thing I told you I wasn't ready to talk about? A couple years ago when I first started? You've asked and asked and I keep saying no? Or you say it's all bullshit?" he asked as the woman sat down in front of him.
Dr. Wyatt nodded, "I do."
"I think it's time I start talking about my dad."
A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Okay so now I'm done yelling in excitement about that last line, I can say THE GREY SHEPHERDS ARE GOING TO NEW YORK AND BOSTON! Woo! I'm so proud of the way that Meredith has grown as a person, a mother, a doctor. But what's always bugged me is how little she asked about Derek's dad. I wish we would've gotten more so I'm gonna give you as much as I can.
I don't know what else I can say except I appreciate your patience because I'm developing this backstory for Derek and these complicated feelings for him while developing Meredith more. It's such an awesome challenge and I'm so excited.
Also, I've decided that the Everything Has Changed Saga is separate from The Complex Nature of Our Existence. So if you've read that, don't apply it here. TCNOOE is my baby, my first love, a collection of one-shots set in it's own AU.
Anyways, anything you want to see in NY and Boston? No promises but sometimes I'm inspired by your ideas!
Thanks for reading, reviewing, and love. See ya soon!