The beige walls no longer existed. Now the hallway was a light blue, maybe gray. And the pictures of his and his sisters' childhood are no longer on the wall. They've been replaced with pictures and frame collages of Carolyn's grandchildren.

A set for Nancy's, one for Kathleen's, and one for Lizzie's. A surprisingly new one with a scarce amount of pictures of Scout. One as a newborn. One in which he's being held by Amy. And another with the trio of his cousins back home. A last one with his uncle on his first birthday. He had been fussy all day long, but when Derek had him in his arms, he had settled.

"He's got magic baby arms," Meredith shrugged to Amelia as she snapped a picture with her phone, "Happened all the time with my three."

Meredith smirked and stepped out of the kitchen to join the rest of the group in the yard, leaving the two siblings on their own.

Amelia rolled her eyes as she walked to the counter, "He wouldn't settle with Link or with me. It's ridiculous. How did he fall for the whole Derek Shepherd is-"

"It's not my fault your kid likes me better," Derek smirked as he bounced a little around the kitchen, "You did the same with Bailey. He liked you more than Mer and I, remember? He'd see you and run to you."

"I had that kid wrapped around my finger," Amelia shook her head as she cut the small cake in pieces, "You know, actually, uh, remember when I was half asleep from being in labor and Link and I asked you and Mer-"

"Yeah," Derek nodded, "Are you finally backing out? Is this gonna be payback for him liking me better? Who's gonna be his godfather, Owen? Please don't tell me it's Owen."

Amelia laughed gently before placing a plate for him on the counter, "I uh, I signed a will. And you're his designated guardian if anything should happen to me or Link. You're still okay with that, right?"

Five years ago, there were snarls, glares and competition between the pair. Even farther away, the yells were fully blown arguments. Blame and reprimands thrown between the pair. Now there was a gentle rapport between the pair. They could tease each other, call each other out, but at the end of the day, the Shepherd siblings would forgive and forget. That was new.

Derek smiled gently and nodded, "Nothing's gonna happen. But I will always be here for the both of you. I promise."

Derek smiled as he reached the set of his own kids. A photo of Meredith holding Zola when she was about one. He is leaning closer to his girls. Behind the camera, Lexie. He had that day ingrained in his mind. It had been one of the last clear memories he had of her.

"It's Zola's first Valentine's Day," Lexie laughed as she stepped into position, "You need a picture."

"Do we really need a picture to remind us of what you just interrupted us," Derek raised a brow as he leaned closer to his wife.

"Oh c'mon! I just offered to babysit," Lexie scoffed.

Meredith laughed, "Well it's a good thing she won't remember what she almost saw. And your mother has been asking for pictures, we have to show off this little girl."

The next a picture of the Little Grey Shepherds, proudly standing in their fishing gear as they held a small fish each. One of Zola with a spelling bee trophy, Bailey with a soccer tournament trophy, and Ellis dressed in a pink tutu. She hated that thing the minute she quit dance and he found it in the kitchen trash bin a day later.

A final photograph of the five Grey-Shepherds. The most recent he'd sent. Derek in parts of his suit, the jacket and tie both gone. Meredith in a white slip dress, Zola in a violet dress, Ellis in a green one, and Bailey in a dark blue suit. All five smiling happily at Amelia, who had taken the photograph.

Their makeshift vow renewal they'd promised Ellis.

"She's gonna be pissed," Amelia sighed, "Mom's gonna be pissed you didn't tell her earlier."

"It was last minute, it's not a big deal," Derek adjusted his cuff sleeves, "I don't want her to risk getting sick by traveling across the country. Besides it's just the kids, you, Maggie-"

"And a good handful of our friends. It's a wedding," Amelia chuckled, "A backyard wedding, but a wedding."

"She didn't come to yours," Derek snorted.

"That was different," Amelia sighed, "And we mended that, so let it go."

He grabbed the jacket from the bed and put it on, "If I tell her she'll tell the other sisters and then-"

"Never mind, forget I asked," Amelia smirked knowingly before she stood up and approached him. She pulled on his tie and helped him, "You know, you didn't invite me to any of the other weddings either- with Mer."

Derek couldn't help the slight chuckle that escaped him. No one had been invited to anything. Not even to the original wedding Izzie had planned.

"We didn't invite anyone," he sighed, "We didn't have one. We scribbled stuff on a post-it and then city hall to speed up things for Zola. That was that."

"So why now? Why get all dressed up and have a party?" Amy asked as she stepped back. He'd been the one to walk her down the aisle when she married Owen. He wasn't too happy about it and had made it clear he did not approve. But when it came down to it, he swallowed his pride and wished her nothing but joy. He had even whispered to her how their dad would've loved seeing her off.

Derek sighed, "Mer almost died for the millionth time and our youngest has asked one thing of us. She wants to give it to her."

Ellis had insisted right before Meredith had fallen into a coma. And on a day when she was finally home, she'd woken up and proposed a vow renewal. He'd laughed but stopped as soon as he saw she was serious. Within a week, they'd invited a few friends and had used the old candles to decorate the yard with makeshift lanterns.

"Would the post-it have been enough?" Amelia quietly asked, "Or would you have-"

"If you're asking if you made a mistake by turning down Link's proposal, you did not," Derek whispered, "You were clear. You know what you want. You're allowed to want something different."

"Go get your bride," Amelia smiled, "I'm gonna go outside."

Derek smiled back before making his way to his room where Meredith was getting ready. No traditions would be followed. No hiding from each other, no parents walking anyone down the aisle.

In fact, their kids read their post-it vows. And it was perfect.

Derek smiled at the photographs before catching the scent of food. A wave of childhood memories enveloped him.

Derek stepped into the kitchen with a sigh, "Cooking already?"

"You haven't had breakfast, I'm sure," Carolyn smiled, "My grandkids are in the living room playing with some old board games."

Those old board games were probably missing a few pieces. They'd gone from sibling to sibling. Down to the next generation and now his own kids. They had been taken out during rainy days and holidays.

"That Zola has grown into a beauty," Carolyn's voice interrupted his thought, "Everytime I get pictures, her smile lights everything up."

"She has, hasn't she?" Derek smiled proudly, "She's amazing. She's kind hearted, responsible, she's a great big sister and is always watching over the other two. And she's so smart."

"You sound like your father when he used to talk about your sisters," Carolyn smiled, "She must be a little genius, too, with parents like you and Meredith."

"Yeah," Derek nodded, "We uh, just found out that she's gifted. So technically she is a genius."

"Was she?" Carolyn's eyes widened.

"Mm," Derek nodded, "But it's uh, kinda hurt her."

"What do you mean?," Carolyn turned to the dishes behind her.

"Anxiety and panic attacks," Derek mumbled.

"What?" Her head snapped, "When did they start?"

Derek stared at her. How was he going to explain the chaos that the last year had brought them? Minnesota, arguments, jealousy. And to top it off, this past year had brought the knowledge that their daughter was acutely aware of her mother's genetic past. An accident and terrifying scare with Bailey. And an increase in emotional support for Ellis. Life had been shaken once more for his family and he could practically hear the disappointment in his mother's voice.

"A year ago. Mer and I were traveling back and forth to Minnesota on a job-"

"Derek! Again?"

"She was offered her own lab," he defensively explained, "She couldn't pass it up. And I supported her. She made a choice and I stood by her. After the messes I made years ago, it was the very least I could do."

"What happened? What happened in Minnesota that caused my grandchild to have-"

"That's not what-" Derek exhaled, "Zola's seen a lot, ma. She's brilliant and observant. And she knows things about us that we didn't even know she was aware of."

Carolyn wasn't convinced. The disappointed glare in her face was once he'd seen often as a child.

She shook her head with a raised brow, 'It's all those accidents. That little girl has been through so much at her young age. The plane crash, your car accident, Meredith in a coma. I've been begging you to leave that city for years!"

"Well you might just get your wish," he muttered, "That's why we're here."

Carolyn stopped moving and turned to him, "What do you mean?"

"When she was deemed gifted, we were given a variety of suggestions to support her. Therapy, support groups," he sighed, "And one suggestion we received was to find a school that better fit her needs academically and emotionally. New York has an option Meredith and I both like."

"Where else?"

"So far? Boston," he clasped his hands together, "There's a couple more but the ones we like best are those."

"So she's here to look at schools?" Carolyn turned her gaze to the opening that led to the living room. She spotted the teen giggling with her siblings as she held board game money in her hands. Monopoly. It was her son's favorite growing up, too.

"She is," Derek nodded, "She's scheduled to tour one tomorrow."

There was sadness in her son's eyes. Perhaps it was his own anxiety folding within him. Being a parent was difficult, especially when your child was experiencing a pain that you weren't familiar with.

"You know you used to have panic attacks," Carolyn folded the towel neatly, "After-"

"Those weren't panic attacks," he shook his head, "That was-"

"An intense episode of panic or fear. Otherwise known as a panic attack," she nodded, "I remember very clearly. And I'm a former nurse, I know the signs"

Carolyn Shepherd was a woman who could spot lies and avoidance. She knew her children well and was never afraid to call them out when they needed the truth.

Amelia had once described her as having no sympathy. Derek had agreed and sometimes- most of the time- it bit him in the ass.

Derek stayed silent for a moment as he stared at his mother. He pushed himself off the counter, "I'm gonna take the kids outside for a bit. Get some fresh air."

Carolyn watched as he made his way to the living room. Her only son had three children. And he brought them home.

Finally.

Meredith walked down the hallway. Each wall was decked out in photographs of the Shepherd clan. Kathleen's kids, Nancy's kids, Lizzie's. In the midst of the countless pictures, she recognized a small boy with his uncle.

Lucas proudly sat next to Derek in what seemed to be a baseball game. Both in yankee caps smiling happily at whoever was taking the picture. The young boy had a small box of popcorn in his hands and Derek's dark curls poked under the cap. Who would've guessed that the wide eyed boy in the photograph would be reunited with his uncle once more in the hallways of Grey Sloan.

"Welcome to the program, Dr. Adams," Meredith extended her hand to the intern with a smile and noticed his hesitation, "This is where you shake my hand and say 'thank you'"

"Oh, uh, yeah," Lucas stood up and shook her hand appreciatively, "I just uh, I have a request."

Meredith stood and blinked, "You haven't even started-"

"I don't want anyone to know that I'm related to them," Lucas swallowed, "My Uncle Derek and Aunt Amy? I'd appreciate discretion."

"They're not why you're here," Meredith sighed, "You know that right? And your mother didn't have any influence either."

"I know," Lucas let out a breathy chuckle, "She didn't want me here to begin with and I know my options were limited."

"So then…why?"

Lucas sighed, "I have always been living under their name. Always. I don't even have the name Shepherd and everyone still assumes I get anywhere because of that connection. I haven't lived up to the Shepherd name and I don't want-"

"I get it," Meredith nodded, "I know what it's like to live up to a big name. Your secret's safe with me but you are gonna have to settle this with Derek and Amelia."

"Thank you," Lucas nodded.

Meredith landed on a collage frame of her own family. For years, it had been Derek sending photographs. He'd be the one to email and text the family. He'd been the one to keep everyone in the loop about how Zola wanted to be a surgeon, how Bailey had been thriving in sports, and how Ellis had developed a liking for nature. All tiny little details he'd shared. She tried her best to warm up to the sisters and she was successful sometimes. And sometimes, distance was better.

But when your husband or your brother is lying on a bed with little to no hope in ever waking up, you are left with two options. Let the rift become greater or set a truce. And the Shepherd clan had extended a hand. They'd helped Meredith grieve. They'd let her take the lead in medical decisions- even if it meant standing up against one of their own.

"Meredith," Lizzie whispered, "You're his wife. I know you're his wife-"

"I don't know what to- I mean he and I had a plan. We talked about it-"

"Okay," Lizzie whispered, "You talked about it. You know what he wants. Trust that whatever you decide is what is best. He would tell you that. He trusts you."

"She's right," Nancy stared from afar and wiped her face, "You're the one who knows him best now."

Kathleen swallowed, "We're here to do whatever you need us to do."

Amelia watched the scene play in front of her, "Are you kidding me? That's not why I called you! You are supposed to tell her that I can do it! You are supposed to side with me! I can save him!"

"Amelia-" Kathleen stepped towards her.

"No! Screw all of you! You three barely talk to him and you," she pointed at Meredith angrily, "If he saw you now he would be-"

"Amelia, enough!" Carolyn yelled from her seat, "That's enough!"

Meredith held on to the tears brimming in her eyes. She'd heard enough from Amelia. Enough.

And a part of her knew it was grief and anger. It's why she had called their sisters and their mother. Because she knew he'd want them here. All of the very girly sisters.

Somewhere down the blurry line of pain, Meredith had forgotten that. But now they were here and they gave her space.

Meredith swallowed, "We're gonna wait the night. We're gonna wait and see what the numbers are because it's what he'd do."

It's what his training taught her to do. There was some hope. Some.

Her eyes landed on one final picture. She lightly laughed at the hilarity behind the photograph Amelia had taken of the five Grey Shepherds. She wore the simple white wedding dress her daughter had a love-hate relationship with, Derek was in her favorite blue tie, his sleeves rolled up and his suit jacket was nowhere to be seen, Zola in a violet dress, Ellis with a flushed face, and Bailey with his hair sticking to his forehead. They'd forgotten to take a decent photograph before the dancing and drinking began so that this was the best they could muster.

Even so, that night had been perfect.

Meredith watched as Derek carried Ellis in his arms and danced with her from one side to the other, practically swaying her to sleep. The man had two left feet but watching him dance with his daughter reminded her of when he first held Zola in his arms on the day of their last wedding. Now they had three beautiful children and had once again promised to love each other even when they hated each other.

"You two," Cristina chuckled as she stood next to her twisted sister, "are annoying. You know that, right?

Meredith laughed, "Yes, we're disgusting, I'm aware. You've said it millions of times."

Cristina laughed, "You were both so scared back then. You came running to me telling me that he wanted babies and when he was about to propose, he came to me, freaked out about how he was going to do it."

"He told you?"

"Oh yea," Cristina sipped on her drink, "I knew days before you did."

"What did you tell him?"

Cristina stared off into the distance before shrugging, "I don't remember. But my point is, look at you and McDreamy. A big dream house, raising pretty happy babies, and married three times."

Meredith smiled, "He was supposed to be a one night stand."

"Well that didn't turn out so well, did it?"

Meredith hesitated to enter the kitchen. She swallowed a nervous lump before sucking it up and entering, "Hey."

"Oh, Meredith," Carolyn turned from the cabinet and smiled, "Derek just stepped outside with the kids, I think he might be looking for the old baseballs in the shed. "

"Oh," Meredith sighed as she sat on a stool, "That's-that's good. They were in the plane for a while and Bailey gets antsy."

She turned towards the window and glanced outside. There they were, the four of them.

"You can stop being nervous now, you know?"

"I'm not nervous."

Carolyn raised her brows and blinked.

"Okay, I'm nervous," Meredith admitted, "I knew you'd read me."

"I know you well," Carolyn smiled, "You're a lot like me, you know?"

"I know. I remember," Meredith raised a brow, "Sorry we didn't give you more notice. I told him to call you."

"Let me guess," Carolyn turned off the stove and stared at her, "he said he would. You just never checked in again."

Meredith furrowed her brows, "Did I miss something? Did something happen that is- I mean, I just- I know Derek isn't the greatest with checking in but he's never avoided your calls."

"How's Lucas?" Carolyn asked as she turned off the stove, "Has he been doing okay at the hospital?"

Meredith shrugged, "He's trying. Residency isn't always easy and I can't imagine doing it with an aunt and uncle- who are world renowned surgeons- hovering everywhere. He and Derek started on a rocky note. Derek's been-"

"Hard on him."

"And then he wasn't," Meredith sighed, "And then the accident and-"

"An accident? Meredith what happened?"

Meredith sighed. She didn't want to relive one of the most terrifying moments in her life.

"Lucas and Bailey were in a car crash," she explained, "Someone passed a red light and hit the passenger side. Bailey had a liver laceration and needed surgery. Lucas was- it wasn't his fault but Derek blamed him."

Carolyn could picture an upset Derek yelling at her poor grandson. Everyone knew he had been his favorite nephew but everyone knew how protective Derek had been of his children.

"It's been a lot," Meredith managed to whisper, "It's been a tough year."

Carolyn knew better than to run and console her. She knew that Meredith Grey didn't let a lot of people in very often and if she was confiding in her, she needed to keep those boundaries.

"What else? What about Ellis? Derek told me about Zola. He told me why you're here"

Meredith scoffed, "Well Ellis was completely fine until she accused us of not loving her and feeling left out. Derek's building her a tree house and she climbed up the unfinished thing and hid up there for hours."

"And Zola, I just…I don't know how to help her," Meredith's voice cracked, "And I just want to help my daughter. She needs me and I don't know how to help her."

"I stay up night after night, just thinking about…and Derek and I have been fighting over…And Ellis is feeling unloved. Bailey's accident… we're trying- he's trying and I'm trying but something's just not clicking and I can't- I don't know what to do."

Carolyn studied her for a minute. She wasn't just her daughter in law. She was a woman, a mother, a wife, and a doctor. Someone who was asking for some sort of guidance in this game of life. A little life line.

"Are you okay, Meredith? You're not having-"

"No," Meredith inhaled sharply, "I'm not in a dark place like all those years ago when Derek... It's just…no one tells you how hard it is. To love your kids and have your heart crushed every time something bad happens."

Carolyn Shepherd had raised five children. Five children who all became doctors. Fine professionals in their chosen fields. Two neurosurgeons, one OBGYN, one psychiatrist, and one…well she forgot Lizzie's specialty.

"It's like drowning. You're drowning in all this love and it's painful," Meredith swallowed, "How the hell did you do it?"

"Oh sweetheart, none of us know what we're doing," Carolyn shrugged helplessly, "We just do it."

Zola looked at the photographs of her aunts in the living room. Her grandmother had so many photographs that she could see them all day. Her Nana had insisted that she and her siblings run off while the grown ups cleaned up the mess from their brunch. Not a mess really but it was nice of her Nana to let them off the hook.

"Zo," Bailey called out to her, "This one has dad in it."

Zola turned around and walked towards her brother looking at the photograph on the shelf across the room. She looked at the frame with her dad holding a fishing pole with a man behind him smiling.

"It must be granddad," Zola mused, "He looks like Dad."

"He never talks about him," Bailey whispered, "Do you know why?"

Zola shrugged before a voice called to their attention, "What are you two looking at?"

"Oh," Bailey blinked as if they had been caught, "We were looking at pictures of dad, Mom. This one looks like his dad."

Meredith stepped forward and smiled, "It is. It's his dad."

"Why doesn't he talk about him?" Bailey asked, "I mean, I know he passed but he doesn't talk about him. Not really."

Meredith sighed. It was complicated and long. And honestly, she didn't know enough to share with them. It wasn't her story to tell.

"Um, he'll tell you one day," Meredith pushed back his blonde hair, "You look like him right there."

Bailey stepped closer to the photo. The boy in the picture was smiling brightly at the photographer. The same smile and same blue eyes.

Bailey smiled, "Yeah, I kinda do."

"I have a bunch more here," Carolyn walked in happily with albums in her hand, "Oh, Meredith, I promised Zola I'd show her a picture of your husband so I brought these out."

Meredith laughed as her children ran to the albums and opened them one by one, "Oh, he is going to hate this."

"I want to see!" Ellis stepped into the room and joined her siblings as Carolyn went through each picture with them. Clearly, she wasn't the only one with questions about his past. Their naturally curious children would have even more questions.

Meredith stepped outside to the yard and spotted her husband sitting on a bench, staring off into the distance.

"Your mom is in there going crazy showing them pictures of when you were a kid," Meredith giggled as she sat next to her husband, "I'm pretty sure I saw the high school one you showed me years ago. The one with the sax and the hair-"

"Oh God," Derek scoffed, "Zola's gonna tease me for weeks."

"Oh I think it'll be longer than weeks," Meredith laughed. She watched as she saw him stare off into the yard of his childhood home.

"You okay?" she asked with a whisper, "You were quiet at the table. I thought it was because you missed your mother's cooking."

He pressed his lips together and turned to her, "I'm just a little tired. It was a long flight."

Meredith sighed unconvinced, "She's a good cook. Now I know where Ellie gets it from."

For all that was said about Ellis being a mini version of her mother, she had also inherited Shepherd traits that were far from the Grey genes. Cooking and Baking for example seemed to come from her grandmother. Not that Meredith was complaining.

She was quite smitten watching her daughter ask questions about ingredients and asking if she could help.

Nana, why are we using that? Nana, can we add chocolate chips? Nana, can I have an apron like yours?

Carolyn had taken it all with stride, the way she had all those years ago when she'd stayed to help with her stubborn son's recovery.

Derek briefly watched as she stared off into the distance and smiled gently, "How are you doing? You're not ready to run yet?"

Meredith giggled, "Well it's just your mom, throw the other sisters at me and I may just hide away."

"I'll hide with you," Derek stretched out his legs in front of him, "We can run off to the city and get on some ferryboats."

They laughed together until it died down into a comfortable silence.

"I kinda broke down in front of your mom already," Meredith sighed as she looked up to the blue sky. They were so far away from Seattle. So far from home.

Derek turned to her concerned, "What happened?"

Meredith winced, "I told her about Bailey. And Ellis."

Derek shook his head at her, "Mer-"

"Don't look at me like that. You told her about Zola," Meredith raised a brow, "And she was kind, she just listened. She listened as I told her how scared I was."

"I wasn't gonna say-," he reached to hold her hand, "I just didn't know that you were still- I just didn't know. I'm sorry."

"I didn't know either," Meredith gulped, "I didn't know I was still feeling that way."

Those wounds as parents were wounds that'd never close fully. Guilt would follow and insecurity would lurk. Sometimes they'd forget they had one another. It was hard to truly open up with one another and rely on each other. They'd run to their sisters. To Mark or Cristina. Neither were here now. And their sisters were in Seattle.

And here in New York, where they had no one else to run to, they'd have to face everything straight on and lean on each other more than ever.

Derek wrapped his arm around his wife and pressed a kiss on her forehead. Meredith wrapped her own arms across his middle and settled against the crook of his neck, content with the comfort that both were a little broken, and slowly learning to heal. Or at least trying.

"What kind of panic attacks?"

"I'm sorry?" Carolyn looked up from the bookshelf as she set back an old children's book back in its place.

"You said I had panic attacks. After Dad died," Derek placed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shook his leg nervously, "What did you mean? Because I've been trying to…and I can't remember."

Carolyn thought back to the nights she'd hear him cry in his bedroom. She moved to sit on her armchair as she pictured her sweet boy, so angry at himself and so angry at how they stole his father from him that he'd shake in anger. In sadness and frustration. He was too young for that pain. And far too young to carry the burden of guilt.

"You'd hide in your room," Carolyn stared off into the distance, "I'd find you sitting in the corner of your room by the bed, with your arms wrapped around your knees and you'd be crying. Sometimes you'd be shaking and it was hard to bring you back."

Derek leaned against the door and tried to think back. Nothing came to him. Not anything that she said seemed familiar.

"You blamed yourself," she swallowed, "And you tried to stay strong but you'd have these panic attacks because you thought it was your fault."

"I can't- I don't remember-" he stared at her helplessly, suddenly feeling like the twelve year old boy trying to find some solace in his mother's arms.

"I know," Carolyn nodded, "You never wanted to talk about it. You'd get upset and every time your dad was brought up, you run and hide."

Derek sighed and walked over to the armchair next to her, "A few months ago, Bailey was in a car crash- with Shep- and it was the scariest week of my life."

"Meredith told me," Carolyn nodded, "How bad was it?"

"The car was totaled," Derek swallowed as he stepped in and sat in the chair that once belonged to his dad, "Which is the least of my concerns but it gives you an idea on how bad they were hit."

Carolyn studied her son, "Bailey had major injuries right? What about Lucas?' Does his mother-"

"I don't know and I wasn't allowed to say anything," Derek explained, "Because we got in a pretty big fight before and after so-"

Carolyn shook her head in disappointment, but knew better than to say anything. It was a rare opportunity to have her son open up after being the strong one for everyone for so many years. She wasn't about to push him away. Not when she had him back even for just a few days.

"He had surgery," Derek sighed, "He's been fine. More than fine, he's been really good."

Carolyn reached to hold his hand and squeezed it tightly, "You must have been terrified. Both of you."

Derek nodded.

"Meredith and I were at each other's throats again, because we were scared and because she needed to blame someone- and I get it, I do. So I let her blame me," he exhaled, "And I blamed myself. I still do."

"He- he, Derek my- Bai-our son's in there-" Meredith stuttered.

"It's not Lucas?" Derek furrowed his brows as he felt his heart drop straight to the floor and the blood drain from his face. His heart pounded in his head and everything around him seemed to slow down. A long buzzing sound echoed all over until a voice pulled him out.

Lucas voice broke through her own, "A car passed a red light and-"

"What the hell were you doing? Were you even paying attention?" Derek yelled as he reached for his nephew, "How the hell did you let this happen?"

He didn't feel when Maggie and Owen tried to push him back or when Meredith called out to him. All he knew was that his son was in a trauma room.

"I-I-I- he hit the passenger side and Bailey-"

"How did you let this happen?" Derek lunged again before being pulled back by Owen.

"It was an accident, Derek," Carolyn tried, "It wasn't your fault."

Derek shook his head, "I'm gonna go help Mer, put the kids to bed."

He smiled gently at his mother before leaning to press a kiss on her head- like he'd done for many years.

"Derek?" Carolyn called out

Derek turned from the hallway to look at her, "Yeah?"

"I need you to say it."

"Say what?"

"I need you to believe that this was not your fault," she gently looked at him as she stood from her chair.

"Sweetheart," his mom whispered as she wiped the tears from his face, "It wasn't your fault. What happened to Dad was not your fault. Say it. I need you to say it."

Derek squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears flow once more as he felt his mother wrap her arms around him.

His blue eyes looked up at her, dark hair was stuck to his forehead as sweat dripped down, "It wasn't my fault."

Derek cleared his throat as he shook the repressed memory away. Suddenly, he understood where those words came from when he told them to his own son.

"It wasn't my fault," Derek quietly repeated.

The lights had all been shut off in the hallway. All except one. Carolyn could hear the soft whispers between the married pair. She didn't mean to eavesdrop, and she wouldn't dare because she knew better- even though she was curious. She could however make out how they mentioned Zola and a school.

They must've been planning out their big day for tomorrow. Zola would be visiting some fancy school out in Manhattan. Perhaps she could volunteer to keep her other grandchildren home and give them some space. Or maybe Derek would insist on taking them so they could ride the ferry boats. He always enjoyed riding them as a child.

As she made her way to her bedroom, she turned to the set of photographs she'd hung a while back.

A photograph of Zola looked back at her. She had a beautiful smile, always had. Her eyes glimmered brightly, showing a bright, intelligent child who'd just been awarded a spelling bee trophy. But deep down, she had fears that a child her age shouldn't have.

Bailey's photo stared back. His pointed chin, long hair, and blue eyes reminded her of a young version of her son. But this little boy had just suffered a frightening accident.

Ellis Carolyn had her own photo that wasn't quite a current version of her. She'd been in her dancing phase, as Derek called it. That mischievous grin reminded her of Amelia and the rest of her features were the spitting image of Meredith. This little girl had just been heartbroken at the idea of not being loved.

And a final photograph of the five.

She could remember the phone call so clearly. She could hear the joy and happiness in his voice. The thrill at sharing such happy news.

"How are the kids?"

"Uh, they're great!" Carolyn could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, "They're more than great. They're happy and healthy and everything is great."

"Derek what did you do?"

"What? Why do you think I did something?" Derek scoffed into the phone.

Carolyn could hear the pitch in his voice that gave away his fibs, "I know you. I know when you do things. What's going on?"

Her son sighed into the phone, "Mer and I had a vow renewal."

"What? And you didn't tell me? Again?!"

"Ma," Derek chuckled, "It was just us and the kids and Amy and Mer's sister. The kids just read what we wrote on our blue post-it, you remember it?"

Carolyn struggled to keep it together. She would've loved to have been there. To see her only son promise the love of his life that he'd love her for the rest of their lives or whatever that blue paper said.

"I still would've liked to be-" Carolyn sniffed, "I'm happy for you and Meredith. I've always known she's-"

"Yeah, I know," Derek quietly finished for her, "I'll send you photos, okay?"

It was such a beautiful photograph of the entire family her son had made with the love of his life. A wedding dress, flower girl dresses, both of the Shepherd boys in suits- or part of it. And smiles on each of their faces.

The more she knew Meredith, the more her intuition told her she was right all those years ago when she had given her son her blessing to give her a ring that meant so much to her. She was someone who saw the world in a way her son just couldn't. And his optimism had helped her accept love in her life.

They just worked in their own way.

But now, Carolyn could see the cracks. She could see where the pressure of the world was suffocating that happy family and how it sucked the air out of them.

And as much as she wanted to protect them, all she could do was pray that they'd make it to the other side.

Whatever that meant.

A/N: Hi!

So the idea behind this chapter was the idea of a hallway of photographs filled with smiling happy faces. Each person has their own vision or version of what they see in those pictures and the reality of what's outside those pictures is now different. When Derek sees those pictures, he sees failure and disappointment and heartbreak along with pride in the fact that he's tried to rebuild what he once broke. When Meredith sees them, she sees a whole other side she's been blind to and the way she's developed relationships with people she never thought she would. Zola, Bailey, and Ellis learning about their dad with old pictures. And when Carolyn sees them, she sees a picture perfect family who is actually a little broken. And as a mother, how does she help when the only people who can really mend it are Meredith and Derek?

I've always had the impression that Carolyn was a little rough around the edges and I read an interview where the actress (the brilliant Tyne Daley) explains that she's can see through everyone's crap. I want that Carolyn (that we saw in season 4) here and not the Carolyn who just sits quietly (the vibe I got from her scenes in s15). I think that Carolyn would really get along well with Meredith. She's also a softie for her grandkids because of course! And carries a guilt about how her husband's death was grieved. I've always written her that way and I want to continue here.

I want to thank KAFanfic on twitter for helping me out with exploring Derek from a different light. I love talking about character arcs and they've been so helpful in many ways. Check out their fics! They're magnificent and incredible and all the good things.

Let me know your thoughts! I'm dying to know what you think now that I've really gone out of the show here. Till next time!