For all that was said about Ellis Grey Shepherd being her mother's twin, there were moments where she was practically a duplicate of her own father.
She clung to the rails of the ferryboat as the wind blew against her face, her blond tresses blowing gently in the wind as she stared into the vast body of water. Derek watched with a slight smile on his face as her brow furrowed from his seat against a wall.
"Hey," a voice intruded his thoughts, "You okay?"
He looked up to smile at Meredith as she sat next to him. She'd gone off to reschedule their flights and surgeries. She'd been on top of everything and had made sure Zola needed to be where she needed to be at the right time. This trip was all her doing and for that he couldn't be any more grateful. And he also knew that if he had tried to intervene in any way she'd bite his head off. She was the Little Grey Shepherds mother after all, and she protected them fiercely.
"Look at her," He nodded and nudged to the blonde girl at the railing, "She's just so concentrated. So quiet. So peaceful. It's like she's not even our kid. Which, speaking of, where are the other two?"
"They're off getting snacks," Meredith laughed, "Ellis, don't lean over too much, lean back a bit."
The tiny blonde turned to her with a slight grimace. She took a step back and sighed as her chin once again rested on the rail.
Meredith rolled her eyes. Typical of her daughter to give her even the tiniest of attitudes. She couldn't even begin to imagine what her teenage years would look like if she was truly like her.
"I'm gonna ask you a question and I need you to be honest with me," Derek said without turning to her.
"Okay."
"Why did you reschedule Zola's tour in Boston for tomorrow?"
He turned to her as if he already knew the answer and was just awaiting her to confirm his suspicions.
"We wanted to spend the day with the kids, I mean your mom agreed, Bailey and Ellis couldn't just stay at her house and not see the city," she chuckled before continuing her ramble, "I mean you're sitting over here drooling over how cute Ellis is like you haven't seen her do this a million times already."
"Okay fair point," Derek nodded, "What else?"
Meredith's eyes widened, "Nothing else! I'm being serious."
"Right, it's not the convenient fact that Boston happens to be where you lived most of your life."
She turned to him to meet his eyes. She'd been caught, those damn blue eyes could always see right through her, "Crap."
"Yeah, 'crap'" Derek laughed, "What's going on?"
God, he sounded so much like his mother. He'd apparently inherited her way of reading people and knowing what to say to get them to spill. It annoyed her and quite honestly, living with that quality could be annoying.
Like this very moment.
"It's Boston," she scrunched her nose disgustingly, "It'd be different if I were going on a conference visit by myself or even with you, but there's a chance we may end up there and I'm not-"
A sudden epiphany hit her. Derek had the same feeling when she offered New York and he didn't even bother to hide it. He simply avoided as much as he could and now she was doing the same by hiding behind her children's needs.
She shook her head at his stupid smug look, "I get it now. New York has baggage for you just like Boston has baggage for me."
Derek's laughter died down as he faced forward again, "Yeah, it's different when there's a chance you'll end up in a place you resent again."
"We would look into the two places with all our childhood trauma," Meredith turned to him with a smirk.
"Yeah, we're a great team," he shook his head to his daughter who'd run back to him, "Hey, what'd you two bring us?"
"Nothing," they chorused before Zola offered a small bag of popcorn to Ellis who had run to the pair to eagerly grab her own bag, "But we can share."
"Daddy," she pushed her hair back into place, "What are we doing next?"
"Well this ferry is taking us to the Statue of Liberty and I'm pretty sure you're all gonna ask for food so-"
"Pizza!" Bailey declared as he and Zola approached them with bags of chips in their hands, "We should get pizza."
"Yeah, you claimed the pizza here was good and you don't even eat any," Zola teased.
"You know they're mean to me because of you," Derek turned to his wife who had been doing her best not to laugh, "And they have an affinity for pizza because of you."
"Well if there was any need for proof they're my kids, it's right there," Meredith smirked as she reached to take some popcorn from Bailey's hand. She raised her brows at him as he furrowed his brows in slight protest. Meredith winked at the boy and earned a sincere smile. He offered her more, of which she kindly turned down.
"Okay, well besides your beloved pizza," Derek continued on, "What else do you want to do?"
Giggles echoed as the front door opened. Carolyn turned to the archway that led to the front door with a wide grin.
"It's been years since giggles like that rang through this house," she smiled at the children that walked in, "Did you have fun."
"So much fun, Nana," Bailey beamed, "Dad took us to see the Statue of Liberty-"
"And to the Hall of Science-," Zola smiled.
"And we went on the ferryboat!" Ellis shouted excitedly, "It was so much fun!"
Carolyn laughed at the contagious excitement spilling from her grandchildren. In the short time she'd spent with them, she could see they were generally very happy children. They were caring and respectful and quite unique from each other. Zola gravitated heavily to her studies, always absorbing information and wanting to know more. Bailey also had a natural curiosity that particularly focused on how things worked. And Ellis couldn't and simply wouldn't keep still. She wanted to do everything and anything and yet, there was also a quiet nature to her that Carolyn couldn't decide if it was inherited from her mother or father.
They were a perfect combination of their parents.
"It sounds like you had a day!" Carolyn beamed as she smiled at the proud mother walking in behind them, "Derek's still out in the car? Are you kids hungry? I could whip something up."
"He's paying the driver," Meredith nodded, "Oh, no, thank you, these guys are still full with pizza."
"Pizza? Oh, where did your dad take you?"
"That place dad used to take us when we were kids," Derek's voice echoed as he closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen.
Meredith took that as a cue and motioned for the children to go upstairs, "C'mon guys, let's get you three showers, Zo's got another big day tomorrow."
Derek watched as his faithful trio followed their mom. He smiled at his wife before she disappeared.
"You loved it when you and Dad used to sneak off on your own," Carolyn chuckled, "You always looked forward to it."
Derek chuckled, "I just told Meredith that story yesterday. She got a kick over how he first took me out to the ferry boat because I snuck out of-"
"Oh, you gave me a heart attack that day!" Carolyn burst into laughter, "Your father tried to calm me down right after I spotted you two make your way to the theater, Nancy, Kathleen, and Lizzie were in tears because they wouldn't stop laughing. They said that it was about time you ran away!"
Derek laughed, "Can you blame him? He hated going there just as much as I did!"
Derek wasn't one to talk about his father, Carolyn knew that. He kept him close to his chest and wasn't always known to talk about him even in the fondest of ways. Addison knew a lot, because she'd joined the family when the youngest Shepherd was looking for someone to understand her. And Addison had been kind to her, so Amelia trusted her with a sacred story. She wasn't so sure Derek had opened up just as much as Amelia had back then.
But now, hearing that he had shared a sacred memory with his wife, well, that told her everything.
"You and your father were inseparable," Carolyn sighed as she watched his laughter die down, "You and Bailey must be the same?"
"We are," Derek smiled, "Although right now, Lucas is his favorite. He goes to most of his soccer games, takes him out on the weekends. It's nice."
Silence lingered in the air as he tapped gently on the counter. He could hear very faint conversations in the upper floor coming from the kids and his wife. Never in a million years, did he think a moment like this would ever happen. To be in his childhood home, conversing with his mother, and his family upstairs.
"You seem happy," Carolyn observed. His eyes looked up to her. They were riddled with happiness and a tinge of curiosity.
"I do?"
"Mmhm," she smiled, "It's good. To see you with your family. You always wanted kids."
"Well I did have a big family. A little crazy, a little messy, but it was good," he sighed as he took a seat opposite her, "Then Meredith came along and I wanted that with her. The good and the crazy. I wanted it with her."
Not the messy. Carolyn noticed how he left that out and she was certain it was no mistake. Because 'messy' meant that someone had been hurt one way or another.
Carolyn hummed, "Not to sound like an over intruding mother but how are you two doing?"
Derek raised his brow and grinned, "Right, not intrusive at all-"
"I was there when you were unkind after the accident, remember?" Carolyn reminded him, "And I know how hard it can be with busy jobs and parenting."
"We're…good," he smiled, "We fight and bicker over the dishes and carpool and drop-off and stuff like that but, we're good. We're really good."
She was the messy one. He was the obnoxious over organized one. He was lenient and doting. She had to set her foot down. Total opposites. And somehow, they still fit together.
"Things with kids and big jobs can often-"
"Ma-"
"I'm just saying," she sighed at the sight of him shifting uncomfortably, "It's a lot with everything happening with your kids and it can be easy to take it out on each other. Don't leave each other out in the cold to suffer."
"I get it, thanks," he nodded, "How are my sisters?"
"You should call them," Carolyn laughed, "I'm sure they'd like to see your children."
To his relief, his phone rang, "Oh look your other daughter. You know the one that lives out in Seattle with me?"
Carolyn rolled her eyes at what he was implying. Despite what people thought, Derek had been the most protective over Amelia. And the hardest. He had tried to shield her and protect her after witnessing their father die right in front of them. He'd promised her long ago he'd be the one to step up and take care of her. He'd watch out for her and he'd make sure she'd be okay. A few years later, he'd be standing over her, trying to revive her.
"Amy, c'mon, Amy c'mon!" it felt as if the compressions weren't enough. She was slipping from him and he could feel it, "She-she- did anyone call a freakin ambulance!"
"I called them, they're on their way," Nancy yelled as she ran out of the house, "I thought you said she was fine when she was with you! "
"She was!" Derek continued compressing, "Check her bag, check if there's anything-"
"Oh my God, Derek," Carolyn whispered as she looked at him. He continued to compress. He couldn't stop. Not when he'd promised she'd be okay. Amelia needed to live.
He looked up from the lifeless body to quickly glance at his sister's direction. His heart couldn't fall any further and he was sure there was no heartbeat within him any longer, "Those are my prescription pads."
Carolyn swallowed at the memory and walked to the counter behind her, "I spoke to her last week. Send her my love."
Derek nodded, "Hey, everything okay?"
On the opposite line, he could hear the shrieks of an excited Scout, "Yeah, how about you? You doing okay?"
"I'm okay, mom says hi," Derek smirked at his mother as she reached for three mugs from the cabinet.
"Oh good, you're still in New York!"
"Yeah, we're taking the train to Boston tomorrow and leave back home the day after, what's up?"
"I got a call from Catherine. She's in Boston and wanted me to fly out to run some scans for her," she sighed, "But I'm tied here."
"Have any symptoms returned?"
"She wouldn't tell me- Scout, don't put that in your mouth, take Dine-O- Can you meet with her? She just needs a quick consult?"
As if on cue, Meredith stepped into the kitchen. He saw her whisper something to Carolyn and reach for the small basket of tea bags. They'd promised this trip was not a work trip- except for the occasional check in that was required by the chief. This trip was designed to focus around their children- and truthfully Zola. A quick break to reassess what they needed to find a fix to the rupture in their lives.
"I know, I know, I know it's not a work trip and you're focusing on Zo but" Amy sighed over the phone, "But she made it seem like Richard isn't aware which worries me."
"What's going on?" Meredith mouthed as Carolyn poured water into her mug. Meredith smiled at her thankfully before aligning the other two. She looked up at Derek expectedly.
He sighed in defeat as he pressed the button to place his sister on speaker phone, "What do you mean Richard doesn't know?"
"Well he's out here, Derek," Amelia's voice blared through the speaker, "Am I on speaker? Do you have me- who's in the room? Oh my God, is mom in the room? Is Na- get me off-"
"Amelia," Meredith leaned over to make sure Amelia heard her better, "Richard doesn't know what? What is he doing out there?"
Amelia groaned, "He gave a lecture to the interns- unplanned he just popped in and he's here for a few days. But Catherine made it seem like she already knows what those scans are showing so you, Derek, need to get your ass over to her tomorrow. Please."
Meredith sighed as she looked up at Derek, "It's Richard. We owe it to Richard."
"Fine," Derek surrendered, "I'll meet with her tomorrow."
Meredith pressed her lips in a tight smile. Work interfering with this trip was the last thing they needed. But the truth was that this particular situation wasn't just work. Richard was family. A father figure to Meredith, a mentor to Derek, and a close friend to Amelia. He was something to everyone.
He took the phone and moved away muttering something about needing details and scans emailed to him as soon as possible.
"Well you two don't have it easy do you?" Carolyn asked Meredith as she took her own mug in her hands.
Meredith shrugged, "Nothing ever stops at Grey Sloan."
"I got that since the day I first stepped foot there," Carolyn chuckled, "Did you and the kids have a good day?"
She couldn't remember a day where her focus had been one-hundred percent on the family she had. On the three children she never imagined, on the husband who showed her a different look at life. Even in their escapades to the beach here and there, an email would land or a phone call with a brief consult would never fail. This time, her phone didn't ring with any pages or emails. It didn't pull her away from her kids. Her phone's only job was to take as many pictures as possible.
Meredith smiled as she thought about the photo she'd taken on her phone. She'd taken many. Far too many. Some candids where they were giggling. Somewhere they were purposely making silly faces at her. And some where they posed proudly next to each other. And a few where their dad popped here and there. She was certain he'd taken just as many on his phone and now their shared folder would be filled with an infinite amount of photographs.
"The best day," Meredith softly answered.
If Derek Shepherd had a closed chest in the back of his closet, Meredith Grey had chains and locks at the doors of her closet. There was no room to even peek at it.
Boston had always been a place she wasn't fully content with returning for and she had her reasons.
"What if this one's also bad?"
"Zola," Derek chided as he followed her onto the campus, "What did we say?"
"Open mind," Zola rolled her eyes.
She walked with her hands stuffed in the pocket of her sweater and looked around. This time, her parents had elected an all girls school where they wore navy pants and navy polo shirts with the school emblem sewn on. She could already sense this could be the total opposite of the other schools.
"Brookline STEAM has one of the best science programs in the country and I know that Columbia has your attention because of your dad, but Harvard Med is right across the street."
"Mm," Zola hummed much like her father, "But seriously, what if this one isn't-"
"There's another one in New Hampshire we can look at next," Meredith embraced her, "and if we can't find one well then we'll just homeschool you."
"Now we're talking," Zola smirked.
"Nice try," Derek laughed, "She's kidding we're not giving up."
"Okay, what do you need?" Meredith asked as she sat on a concrete block in front of her daughter, "Do you need to take a few deep breaths? You need a minute?"
Zola shook her head, "I'm fine."
"Okay," Meredith whispered, "You are an extremely gifted child. And we are just making sure you do great. And you'll do great in a school where other kids are as gifted as you."
Zola turned to her dad who shrugged, "Don't look at me, I'm Team Mom."
Their daughter glanced between the pair and shook her head. He was always Team Mom. At least until she'd batted her eyes and swayed him to Team Zola. But this time, she was sure she'd lose. His allegiance had been clear since the beginning of this whole ordeal.
Meredith giggled, "We'll pick you up later."
"Good luck, Zo," Derek called out as she began to make her way through the doors.
"Hey, wait a minute," Zola turned to them swiftly and paused as the other girls walked in, "What are you two gonna do for the rest of the day?"
"Nothing fun. Very boring stuff, Zo," Derek winked as Meredith shook her head and nudged him, "All the boring things you could think of."
Zola rolled her eyes, "You do know that I know that Uncle Jackson works nearby too, right? You guys are gonna go look at something cool, aren't you?"
"See," Derek smirked, "This is why you're looking for a smart kids school."
"Stop it," Meredith nudged him, "Don't worry about what we're up to. Go!"
Zola sighed and turned back to the path she was on. Her parents stayed behind and watched as she disappeared in the crowd. This was the third time they were doing this. The third time they were looking at a school that promised a safe space for a child like Zola. And if all went wrong, it would be the third one she'd reject. Time and options were running out, and they were both unwilling to give up.
"You're terrible," Meredith chuckled as she gently pushed him.
"What?" Derek scoffed, "You don't think she bought it? She's probably thinking we're gonna go cure some crazy disease in the few hours that she's here."
"We gotta go," she sighed as she looped her arm around his, "You've got your secret project."
Derek sighed as they walked off the streets of her childhood town. Meredith had grown up here. She'd grown up surrounded by brilliant medical minds and shielded from what most would consider a normal childhood. This was where his wife had formed her tough skin that was hard to break through even when everything and everyone was against her. He wondered if there would be any grand revelations. Any big secrets that he'd uncover, but knowing his wife, the most he'd get was 'this is where my mother ruined me' sorts of things.
And he wasn't interested in knowing the other million ways Ellis Grey had hurt her. Not when he knew enough.
"Richard's gonna kill me if Avery doesn't first," he muttered, bringing back their conversation to what they were heading to.
"Okay, run it by me again. Do you really think her cancer is back?"
"I haven't even seen the scans, Mer," he shook his head, "When Amy and I went in a few years back, we knew the risks. We knew we didn't take out the whole thing and that the tumor would grow. We just gave her time."
"What's your gut telling you?"
"That Zola might pull a fast one on us," he smirked.
"Derek," she nudged him. He was avoiding the question. Which meant his gut was telling him something bad. And his gut- his instinct- was very rarely wrong.
"I don't know," he sighed, "I just know whatever we find, Richard should know."
"So do I need to text you to tell you I'm here?"
"I had a feeling you were in town," Jackson smiled as he leaned in for a hug, "I heard some of the interns fawning over-"
"You know it was funny years ago, it's not funny now," Meredith pointed as they walked together down a hallway, "Derek's here for a consult, I tagged along."
"And you left the hospital in the hands of?"
"A very capable staff that I've been leading for nearly a year, thanks to you," Meredith looked at him pointedly, "Everything's fine, We're actually here for other things, the consult was last minute."
"What other things?"
"Brookline STEAM has an excellent program for gifted students and we're checking it out for Zola," Meredith quietly explained, "Zola's been identified as gifted and her anxiety has worsened and so have her panic attacks so-"
"Woah what? Panic attacks? What do you mean?"
"Yeah, she had a full breakdown at school because she researched Ellis and put the pieces together that Maggie and I may have it down the line," the sight of Zola freezing on the stage was one she'd never shake.
Jackson opened the door to his office and invited her in. She sat on a nearby chair and watched as he poured a glass of water for her as she continued, "She's under stimulated at school so her brain just goes in seventeen different directions. And her dad's a neurosurgeon - which is what she wants to be when she's older- researched this very specific disease so she's highly aware of what it is. "
"How are you doing?" Jackson asked with concern as he sat across from her.
"Not great. I stay up reading pages and pages about it and I think "If I cure it, I can help Zola," Meredith sighed, "I feel powerless and I hate it."
Jackson stared at her. He seemed as if he were deciphering every word that she vomited at the last minute.
"I sound ridiculous, I know."
"Except you don't," Jackson sat up straight as an idea popped into his head, "What if you tried?"
"Okay, reminder I am running a hospital and we can technically blame you for it," she pointed at him.
Jackson shook his head, "You just said it was running under a very capable staff. And I know it is."
He placed the glass of water on the table in front of them and walked to his desk, "There are a few research proposals that I think you'd find interesting."
"Oh God," Meredith sighed as she leaned back against the seat. Proposals were the last thing she needed to read.
"You brought your wife to distract my son," Catherine laughed as they sat in front of the empty monitors, "Nicely played Dr. Shepherd."
"No, she's here on personal business Catherine," Derek laughed, "But it's helpful that she's distracting him. You know between him and Richard, I'm gonna end up a dead man."
"You worry about the scans, I'll worry about my husband and my son."
The scans popped on the screen.
"Crap," Derek muttered as he took an instrument and measured.
"Two-millimeters," Derek answered as she stared at it, "You need more treatment."
"Well you already know the answer to that-"
"Catherine-"
"And as my surgeon you cannot say a word. Need I remind you of HIPAA?"
"You are no longer in remission, and your family thinks you're in remission," Derek leaned closer, "You and I both know your husband is practically my wife's father."
"Dr. Shepherd-"
" I can't lie to Richard. He would resent me for the rest of his life and rightfully so," he insisted, "And he would be heartbroken if you didn't tell him that you were aware of-"
"Dr. Shepherd, you and your sister saved my life. You gave me the most precious thing anyone could ever give me, which is time. Time I spent with my husband, my son and my grandchild. One day you'll understand-"
"Everyone keeps saying that lately," Derek shook his head as he sat next to her, "You need to prepare him."
"How would you prepare your wife, Derek?"
"I'd tell her every day, how much I love her," Derek swallowed, "And I'd remind her that the time we've had, has been everything I could ever ask for. Even if it wasn't enough time."
"You'd think she'd be ready?"
"No one ever is," he shrugged, "But these kinds of tumors, they're the kinds of things that just continuously hurt families and I don't want that for you and Richard or Jackson."
Catherine looked back at the scans, "I'm not the only one with these sorts of tumors you know."
"I'm well aware," he nodded, "I know of people who forego treatment because they're financially unable to get surgery or lose the battle before it starts because trials are limited-"
"So what if you start a trial of your own? To cure cancers like this?"
"Catherine, I have a job in Seattle and a family that needs me. Besides, the only reason why I did the Parkinson's trial was because I pulled strings with NIH and because I wasn't the lead on it, my wife was. "
"I'm aware," she nodded, "I'm also aware that you are a brilliant surgeon. I would have the foundation finance this in Seattle, Boston, wherever you need me to."
"Catherine-"
"Just think about it," she reached for her bag, "While I think about how I'm going to tell my husband."
"You should consider this Mer. I mean it's a chance to cure Alzheimer's!" Jackson exclaimed as he tossed another set of papers her way.
"And move my family halfway across the country for a job?" Meredith scoffed, "Jackson, Derek nearly did that and it nearly landed us in divorce. I did that last year, and the hospital crashed and Zola started having panic attacks!"
"Well you quit neuro for him-"
"No! I quit neuro because I tampered with a clinical trial," she shook her head, "I stand by what I did but as an attending now, I would be pissed with my resident too-"
"Meredith c'mon!" Jackson moved to fully face her, "You went into general because of your mother-"
"I did not do it because-"
"Okay fine, you didn't. But it was hard for you to choose it because of her," he sighed, "This could be a step forward into healing the wounds she left behind. These guys in Brussels are not you and besides these are in your areas of specialty-"
He was right, and the opportunity to research this was highly tempting. It's why she had accepted the Parkinson's trial in the first place. For a shot to cure the disease that had haunted her for years.
But now, her children took priority. And one of them was here for different purposes.
"I have a kid who has gone through a lot and is here because she's desperate for help- and she can't even ask for it. So I'm desperate to help her," she explained, "I appreciate that you're considering this for me, I do, but I have to think about her. I have to focus on her because if she hates this school-"
"Alright, alright, I'll back off," Jackson raised his hands in defeat, "Just think about it. If the winds send you this way, consider what I'm offering."
Meredith stared at the documents in her hand as she heard footsteps approach her. She stuffed it in her bag as she looked up at Derek with a smile.
"Hey," he leaned down to peck her lips.
"Hey," she smiled, "How was your consult?"
"Terrible," he sighed as he leaned his head back and sighed.
"No," Meredith blinked, "It grew didn't it?"
"I can't say anything. She swore me to silence and Catherine is a very powerful woman," Derek sighed as he thought back to her offer. He looked up to Meredith's eyes. Who was he kidding, he didn't need to verbally say a word for her to know, "How's Avery?"
"Relentless. He's relentless," she retorted with a chuckle as they shifted their conversation, "Glad we both had an eventful hour."
"Yeah," he shook his head, "This trip has been something else."
For a moment he considered Catherine's words and her offer. This was not what he was looking for at all. They were here for one thing and only one thing only so he'd focus on that.
Across from him, Meredith also pondered her own offer. A chance to cure the disease that took her mother away and the potential possibility of a long future.
"Derek-"
He turned to her, "How long do we have until she's out?"
"Couple hours," Meredith glanced at her phone to check the time, "What do you want to do?"
Derek smiled brightly as he quickly glanced between her lips to her eyes, "Show me around."
"See I at least told you where I was taking you-"
"If you shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes as she continued to walk ahead of him, "I will tell you- but you can't tell Zozo because I'll never hear the end of it."
They'd taken a car to a neighborhood outside Downtown Boston, from what he could tell. It was lined up with brownstone-like homes. He'd noticed how she became nervous as they got off and how she walked quickly, as if she had crossed these streets so many times.
"Okay," he furrowed his brow as they stopped in front of a brownstone, "Why would Zola-?"
"This," she stopped short of the steps on a black door, "Is where my mom and I lived when we were here. In Boston."
And suddenly, a lock was picked. A small look into the years she didn't quite remember perfectly. Derek quickly looked between the building and her with a grin, "Really?"
"Mmhm," Meredith smiled as she searched for pockets but she wore her brown plaid blazer and she had no pockets to hide her hands in. She was left fiddling with the strap of her purse and scratching the back of her head, "There's really not much to show you here but um, I figured that we're staying in your childhood home so fair's fair. I should show you mine-"
"I thought I'd gotten that in Seattle," he stepped forward, "Your mom's house."
Her mother's house. The Frat House. Alex's house. The Sister House. It was all the same thing and he'd found out so much about the love of his life through pictures, journals, vintage martini sets, and books.
"It's not the same, I didn't grow up there, I mean I did but she took me at five years old so it's not," she watched as he inspected the place, "This is where I used to cause all sorts of trouble and sneak out the window to meet up with boys and do all sorts of inappropriate sorts of things."
"Pink hair? This is where she lived?"
Meredith nodded as she looked at the building. A brownstone home. The second home she'd known in Boston and for most of her life the only one she remembered until Maggie showed up in her life.
Derek chuckled, "You wanna go in?"
Her eyes practically bulged out of her sockets as she practically leaped to keep him away from the steps, "What? No! That's not why I brought you-!"
"Oh c'mon it'll be fun!" he teased as he took a step.
"No it won't! Derek-" She stood in front of him, blocking any path for him to continue up, "I swear you ring that doorbell, I will run away faster that you can call out my name."
He was teasing, she knew he was. He was still a boy at heart sometimes and it was quite charming when he was around their children. But now, it was the most annoying trait she could find about him. She was ready to bolt.
"Okay fine, fine" he surrendered as he took a step back and began to walk away.
Meredith sighed in relief as she turned to the door. It was still the same brown door. She pictured a young girl with loose blonde hair running up the stairs. Another art piece ready to show her mom. But she wasn't there again. She was at the hospital and she'd have to stay with the new nanny she had for the week.
"So was this-" the sound buzzer interrupted his thoughts. His head quickly turned to spy the source of it. Meredith stood frozen in front of it and turned to him.
"What did I do?"
Derek glanced between his wife and the buzzer, "You rang it. You rang the buzzer."
"Crap," she froze, "crap, crap, crap, crap
"Are we running or are we staying?" he glanced at the door. The last time he was in this position, Mark had pushed him onto Mr. Robinson's lawn and ran away faster than he could get up.
No one opened. Not yet at least. And he was slightly worried that if they opened that door, she'd freeze and nothing would come out.
"We can't run!" She shrieked in a whisper, "It's too late to run!"
"Okay then you better-"
A woman opened the door, "Hi, can I help you?"
"Hi," Meredith smiled, "I uh, sorry, I-"
"Hi," Derek stepped forward, "I'm uh Dr. Shepherd- Derek, this is my wife, Dr. Meredith Grey-"
"Oh if this is about the outstanding bills-"
"Bills? No, no, uh," Derek softly smiled, "No, uh this is actually her childhood home and we were hoping you would let us just you know, take a peek inside."
"Uh, yes," Meredith tried her best, "Sorry it's just uh, yes, what he said."
The woman stared at them for a second, "You're not from the hospital?"
"No," Derek shook his head, "We're not."
"And we understand if you-"
"What the hell," she sighed as she opened the door wider, "It probably won't be our home for too long anyway. "
Meredith stepped inside the once familiar home. Beige walls had been painted a light yellow. The portraits of a young, happy family graced the walls of the hallway. Ellis never had pictures up on the walls. She had random things she'd find in her trips or keep the walls bare. No drawings Meredith made ever decorated the refrigerator and they were never framed like the handprints Zola, Bailey, and Ellis had made in daycare years ago.
"Uh, Grace by the way," the woman awkwardly introduced herself, "My husband and I did a few renovations to it but before that it belonged to another family. How long ago did you live here?"
"Oh, uh, very, very long time," Meredith turned to her with a swallow, "Are you sure it's not-"
"Mommy!" The voice of a young girl echoed from a room.
"Oh," the woman said, "That's my daughter."
The pair watched as she hurried past them and turned to them once more, "Listen, I gotta go help her. Feel free to look around, just please excuse the mess."
Meredith watched as she disappeared into the kitchen where the young voice had come from.
"You sure you want to do this?" Derek asked her as Grace stepped into the kitchen. He noticed how she had inadvertently retreated within herself. She was lost in her own thoughts.
"We're here already," Meredith shook her head as she glanced up the stairs. If there was one thing she'd learned from Ellis it was to mark everything, "I wonder if-"
She climbed the stairs and stopped to approach a room. The room seemed to belong to a little girl, much like she was when she inhabited it. This little girl loved pinks and yellows and oranges. She had unicorns and stuffed animals. Grace's daughter must've been not more than five.
Meredith exhaled as she recalled the many times she'd lock herself in. The times she'd read the same book series over and over again. When she'd slam the door after yelling at Ellis that she didn't care for her and there was no way in hell she could tell her what to do.
Meredith turned to the doorframe and sighed.
"Nope," she sighed, "They're gone."
"What were you looking for?" Derek whispered as he stood behind her.
"She kept marking my height even after we left Seattle," her thumb grazed the area where those marks should've been, "She, uh, insisted on marking it well into my teenage years and I found it annoying."
"Mm," he hummed as he thought back to the marks in Ellis' old study at the house. Zola hadn't surpassed Meredith's marks until they'd moved to their dream house. Now each of their children had their own marks on their own door frames. And she never failed to mark their height the day after their birthday, even if Zola and Bailey now rolled their eyes at the idea, "This was your room?"
"Yeah," she sighed.
"I want to be a surgeon," Meredith smiled. An acceptance letter to Dartmouth had arrived and now she was envisioning a future ahead, "I think that's what I want to do. How did you-"
"You don't have what it takes," Ellis told her point blank.
"What?"
"You don't have what it takes," she looked up from her journal, "You'll never make it. What else are you thinking? You need another plan."
"Can we go? This was…I shouldn't- I gotta get out of here."
"Yeah," he reached to rub her back only for her to pull away.
"Um, Grace," she stopped at the end of the stairs, "Um, thanks we're gonna get out of your hair now."
"Wow. That was fast," she crossed her arms, "I mean it's not a big home but-"
"Our daughter is uh," Meredith awkwardly gestured to the door, "We gotta go. Thanks again. We're sorry we bothered you."
"What kind of doctors are you?" Grace blurted as they were about to exit, "I just- my husband has a brain tumor the size of Texas and it's killing him because it turned out to be cancer. I just- we got three kids and we haven't been able to find anyone who can help and you two seem like a pair of fancy-"
Derek stepped forward, "He's a patient at Mass. Gen? Harvard Med?"
"No," Grace shook his head, "And before you suggest Mass Gen. or Harvard, I should tell you that the doctors in both of those places have already said they wouldn't operate. And, I'm desperate. Can you help?"
Meredith turned to Derek, "He's a uh neurosurgeon- I-I uh- I'm gonna step out for a second and let you two talk."
Derek nodded once, she was running. Running as fast and as far as she could go. And she'd left him behind.
She hadn't run. Not yet, anyway. He found her leaning against a fence staring ahead at nothing.
"Hey! You okay?"
Meredith turned to him and shook her head, "I shouldn't have gone in there."
"Meredith-"
"I didn't want to go in there!" she pushed herself off and walked away. Her shoes clicked angrily as she took step after step.
"You rang the bell-" Derek followed as best as he could.
"I did, after you nearly forced me to!" she hadn't bothered to turn to him and he could tell he wouldn't be getting her to anytime soon. Hadn't she been the one who rang the buzzer?
"I didn't force you to," he scoffed as he tried to keep up with her, "You-"
"Why?" she turned to him. Her eyes were red with anger and glassy with the tears she'd tried to hold back.
"Why what?"
"Why do you have this need to fix everything and make it right? Why the hell can't you just leave things the way they are, dammit!"
"I don't do that! I didn't push you to go inside the house! You went in there because you pressed the buzzer, I didn't-"
"No, you do, Derek!" she yelled as her hands failed around her, the slight Boston accent she'd tried to get rid of years ago slipping out of her, "You try to fix every little problem that sometimes shit just can't be fixed. And sometimes I find it charming and other's- I swear Derek I can't stand it for the life of me!"
Derek blinked as he watched her turn away and march down the street once more "Then why the hell did you take me there?"
She didn't have an answer to that. She just knew that the feeling she'd had in that house rushed back into her. A feeling she'd thought she'd made peace with.
"Derek, just-" she huffed as she turned back to him once more, "I'll meet you at the school."
She stormed off with her hand clutching the black purse slung over her arm.
Derek stood in his place, his mother's voice ringing in his ears.
Don't leave each other out in the cold to suffer.
The little boy with curly hair fell onto the turf. He froze as he assessed what was happening until his mother came and picked him back up. She kissed the top of his head and off he ran again. Meredith watched from the bench she sat on as the mother hovered gently. Close enough to help him when he needed it, far enough to grant him independence and learning lessons.
She felt the bench slightly shift and the wind change as a figure sat next to her. She exhaled with a slight shake of her head.
"How'd you find me?"
"You talk about this park a lot whenever you mention Boston," Derek said as he sat next to her on the bench, "You and Maggie both played here but never met. At least that's what you theorize."
"I told you I'd meet you at the school," she muttered as she kept her eyes fixed in front of her and her arms crossed. Stupid Derek Shepherd and his stupid ability to memorize every single detail of everything.
"You also promised you wouldn't go numb, right?" he sighed, "And I'm not leaving you out in the cold."
Meredith scoffed as she refused to make eye contact, "I'm not going numb. I just don't want to talk to you right now. You're the last person I want to talk to."
Ouch. A slice in wounds that'd once healed. He'd been the person she'd run to when things went south. Even when she didn't want to. She'd trusted him. They'd built a trust. He wasn't her person the way Cristina was, but he'd been her partner- her husband. But right now, she just wanted to push him away.
Derek sighed as he stood from his place,"Okay, you're right, I'll meet you at-"
"No, Derek," she sighed as she looked up at him and reached for his hand, "Just sit."
Derek sighed as he sat next to her. He faced forward as they sat in an uncomfortable silence, "Sorry I made you ring-"
"You didn't," she muttered, "I had the chance to walk away and I still rang it."
Derek nodded once, "I still shouldn't have-"
"Can we not talk? I don't want to talk. Can you just be here?" she pleaded with a glassy stare. It was her turn to remain silent. Her turn to call the shots like he had after they'd gone into his father's old shop.
Derek nodded as he looked at the crowd of children playing. A small girl was leading a trio of kids up the stairs. She gently encouraged one after the other to go down a slide until she went down herself.
"I get it now," Meredith's voice broke through his thoughts, "I get that she thought she and Richard were gonna move out of Seattle. She had this whole vision of what her life would look like, Richard and surgery. Only for Richard to back out and leave her alone. So she ran. Ran as far as she could and was forced to bring me with her. Forced."
"Meredith-"
She shook her head, "She didn't want to be a mom. It happened with someone she just didn't love anymore and he left and she was alone. And that's why she gave Maggie up. It's why I-I-"
She kicked a rock into the sand, much like her daughter kicked some of her own when she was angry.
"I hate that I get it," she turned to him, "I should be mad at her and I should be angry at the fact that no one stood up for me when all I wanted was for someone- anyone- to be there."
He shifted his body to face her, tucking his right leg under his left and resting his head against the hand propped against the back of the bench.
"I dyed my hair pink," she chuckled, "I'd sneak out of the house, I'd get wasted with a bunch of morons, I was an angry kid. I got into Dartmouth. I did everything I could short of being hospitalized because I knew she was too busy for me."
Derek watched as she relived her childhood and teenage years right in front of him. She shook her head and took several breaths before continuing.
"I keep asking myself what she would say if she met the kids," she confessed, "it's being in Boston, it's weird."
"And it's being around my mother," he looked at her knowingly, "The fact that the kids are around her."
Meredith nodded, "Zola sees her as this great surgeon- and she was. But I wonder what she would say if she had met them."
"What do you think she'd say?"
"She'd probably tell me I was doing a lousy job raising them," Meredith chuckled as she uncrossed her arms and tucked her hands together on her lap, "She always had something to say about whatever I did so I would expect that. She probably wouldn't be the warmest either."
Not that she'd want them near her. She'd keep the innocence of her children as far away from the coldness of Ellis. Some part of Meredith hoped that she'd be wrong. That perhaps, the bitterness she felt after Richard left her would ebb away and she'd soften at the beauty her children are. Thatcher had expressed regret at never meeting them. He had presents for them and Meredith had shared just how beautiful they were. It was the last thing he'd heard before he closed his eyes forever.
"But I also think she'd be a little jealous," she looked off to see a mother embracing her son, "She wanted the house, with the family, and the husband and the job and she wanted it all. She just wanted it with someone she couldn't have it with."
The little boy she'd been staring at fell once again and stared at the floor. His face contorted into one of determination and before his mother could pick him up, he pushed himself off and ran away.
Meredith turned to look at Derek. She met the blue eyes she knew she could never hide from. The blue eyes that understood just how complicated this web between Meredith and Ellis was.
"I wish she'd gotten to see how extraordinary my life turned out to be," she whispered, "That it isn't remotely ordinary."
Derek nodded, knowing full well what she meant and why she'd said it. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.
Ellis Grey had been gone a long time. Too long. She had been gone long enough that Meredith had built her own extraordinary life. A life where she had a perfect dream house, three amazing, perfect children, an amazing husband, and amazing job,
I just have to say this…the reason I want you to have the surgery is because I have this hope that in a year or two years or five they're gonna have a breakthrough.
They're gonna find a cure for Alzheimers'. And you and I will have another chance to get to know each other. You'll have a chance to get to know me.
To see that I am not even remotely ordinary. So.. I wish you would have the surgery but it's up to you mom. It's your life.
Ellis stared back at her with a blank stare, You remind me of my daughter.
A/N: Oo this chapter was not in my outline. It just happened. I had this visual idea of Meredith walking through her home in Boston and just having a load of memories haunt her. Also, one thing that really stuck out with me was Meredith's determination to want to make things right with her mom while she was still alive. Like that is a regret she truly has and it's what's driven Meredith in many ways. I wanted to circle that back to her relationship with her daughters. Her past haunts her and affects her way of looking forward.
Since we've seen that with Derek in New York, why not with Mer? I mean she grew up in Boston, not Seattle, and I hate when the writer's backtrack from that because it's explicitly explained in the early seasons! So Boston really formed Meredith and she should have mixed emotions about potentially moving her daughter there.
And I hope you caught the stark differences between Meredith and Derek's reactions to their childhood homes. Derek implodes, Meredith explodes. But Derek has had lots of practice with diffusing Meredith whereas this is new territory for Meredith so she's tiptoeing around him.
This author lives on reviews by the way, so please consider leaving one! Thanks for reading!