Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
The Difficult One
When we finally made it home, Fred, George, and I booked it for their room. George had our portion of the Flourish and Blotts shopping under his arm (excluding Lockhart's collected works. We left that downstairs). We didn't even acknowledge Mum when she yelled after us to stop running in the house.
As soon as their bedroom door snapped shut behind us, George tossed the disguised diary onto the foot of Fred's bed. Almost as if it was burning him. But he kept our new standard book of spells text in his hands. Somehow suggesting that it was important to keep the ordinary book separate from the evil book. And then we just stared at it. Unnerved by how harmless it looked covered in a Magical Me book cover sitting on top of Fred's red quilt. I suppose there's no shame in our trepidation. This is our first Horcrux after all.
After a minute passed of us standing and staring in silence, I moved forward. There's one thing I need to check before we can start planning our next steps. Or rather, there's one thing I need to do to assuage Jessie's nerd tendencies. I don't pick up the diary, choosing to let it remain on Fred's bed. Instead, I open it to the first page and then turn to the second page for good measure. Blank, absolutely blank. Letting out a big breath of air from my nose, I close the diary and step back. It's as I suspected, but it feels good to double-check. "It's gone", I informed my brothers. "Lockhart's autograph. It's like there was never any ink on the page to begin with".
Fred and George copy my deep exhale from moments ago. "So, this really does contain the soul of You-Know-Who", Fred confirms.
I nod once before correcting, "A fraction of it".
"And now we need to figure out how to destroy it", George concluded in a pensive voice.
We stand in silence for another moment before Fred sighs. He moves to the center of the room; closer to their shared wardrobe and sits on the floor with his front facing the diary. I follow suit; sinking down on my knees until my legs are under me and tilted to the side. I leaned into Fred, who graciously accepted my weight as George situated himself on their desk chair; sitting backward. It seems they weren't so made-up that George was ready to sit shoulder to shoulder on the floor with Fred. "Maybe we should try holy water", I blurted out as the thought suddenly came to me. Ottery St. Catchpole should have a church. If it's Catholic or even Lutheran they should have holy water. I mean, saint is in the town name so chances are their churches would have holy water.
"What the bloody hell is holy water?" Fed asked. I could feel the vibrations of Fred speaking from my spot leaning up against him. It was providing me with a sense of calm I otherwise wouldn't have at this moment.
"It's water that's been blessed by a muggle priest or monk. In their legends, it can get rid of demons", I answered. I felt silly saying all that when, as Holly, I know demons are dark magical creatures, holy water doesn't actually work on them, and a Horcrux is not a demon. But still, the Jessie part of me really wants to try it.
"How about we make that plan Z", George said.
At the same moment, Fred muttered, "How have muggles survived this long?" Yeah, I guess holy water was a stupid idea.
"Holls", George said to get us back on track. "Does this mean Lockhart is going to be possessed?"
I clicked my tongue. It was like George was reading my thoughts. "I don't think so. He'd have to pour his soul into the diary and write a lot in it before You-Know-Who could take control. At least, that's what Ginny had done in The Chamber of Secrets". By that line of logic, we should still be safe.
"Walk us through this year", Fred requested. "Based on what Jessie knows".
I shrug. Simple enough. But then I struggled to think of a place to start. "Let's start with what we've already changed and go from there", I suggested. "Ginny doesn't have the diary. And we didn't have to break Harry out of his Aunt's and Uncle's house", I list off. I wonder how much longer that list will be by the end of this school year.
"And we didn't have to fly Dad's car", Fred said, sounding almost disappointed.
"I don't think we need to worry about Dobby the house-elf closing the barrier since Sirius is taking Harry to platform nine and three quarters", I continued. But Dobby was important. Especially in the last book. If he makes an appearance, we should try to help him. But the problem is, in Ron's second year, Dobby only appeared to Harry.
"So, Ron won't have a reason to crash Dad's car into the whomping willow", George said as he followed my line of thought.
I nod at George as I try to keep all of my thoughts organized. "Things that won't change are Nick's Deathday party and Lockhart. We're still stuck with Lockhart", I reasoned. "But since we have the diary, and we're not going to use it, the attacks shouldn't happen. Lockhart's dueling club won't happen and Harry won't be outed as a parselmouth".
"And Ron and friends won't have to make potions in the girls' lavatory", Fred continued.
"Or go into the forbidden forest to talk to man-eating spiders. Which is especially good since Dad's car isn't going to be there to help them get out", I added. Merlin, I hadn't really thought about how intercepting the diary would change so much. The butterfly effect, indeed.
"So, we need to focus on destroying the diary", George determined.
Fred throws in his input. "There's Malfoy senior too. When it's clear that no one's being attacked, will he look for the diary?" And that is something that none of us have an answer to.
The last days of summer break passed quickly without Fred, George, or I being able to come up with any sort of concrete plan. Adrian and I mutually decided to stop our study sessions so we could actually get our homework done. Ginny packed and repacked her trunk multiple times. For some reason, she's convinced someone keeps going through her things. Every time she packed, I was unable to fight the urge to check her stuff. As if the diary would magically appear there like the sword of Gryffindor or the door to the room of requirement. Even though I knew the diary was safely tucked in Fred and George's underwear drawer. The one place even Mum wouldn't disturb.
And now it was our last night at the Burrow. Dad managed to get off work on time and we had a lovely dinner of rosemary chicken before the scramble to find missing bits and bobs began.
My trunk was mostly packed except for my toothbrush, hairbrush, and pajamas since I would still need them tonight and in the morning. I was halfway under my bed trying to dig out some lost hair ties when Ginny entered our room. "Holly", she whispered loud enough for me to hear. Ginny generally tries to garner my attention when we are in the same room. If I'm occupied, I tend to ignore her. But this time her tone of voice is off enough to warrant a response. Crawling out from under my bed, I turn my head until I can look at her. She's standing in the doorway with stiff posture and a color-drained face. "Mum wants to talk to you in the kitchen", she said once we made eye contact.
"Okay", I said slowly as I sat up. This isn't like Ginny. Hardly anything spooks her. Not even when we were younger and I'd wake her up by screaming my bloody head off while I was trapped in a nightmare. "Is everything alright?" I asked. Maybe the excitement had worn off and she was worried about going away to school. This would be her first time being away from Mum and Dad for an extended period.
With an uncharacteristic huff of air, Ginny walks over to her bed and collapses face-first on the mattress. "I don't think I want to grow up", she muttered into her pillow. Raising an eyebrow, I started to stand. That was a complete turnaround from her earlier attempts at appearing mature. I leave the bedroom as Ginny consoles himself with her pillow. Ginny's and my room is on the second floor, so it's easy to get to the kitchen quickly. Mum's sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of tea.
"So, you gave Ginny the talk", I said in place of a greeting. I walked to the chair on Mum's left and leaned over the backrest.
Mum took a sip of her tea before sighing. "Your sister does have a flair for drama", she conceded. "You'll help her? With any feminine issues if she needs it?"
I nodded my head though I was already praying to Merlin that Ginny wouldn't need my help. "Ginny said you wanted to talk to me".
Mum, nodded. "Yes, take a seat, Holly".
I wrinkled my nose. Oh joy, it was going to be one of those conversations. The last time we had an insightful mother-daughter conversation it ended horribly. Mum waited until I was sitting before diving right in. "I promised you that we'd talk about contraceptives".
"It's alright with me if you break that promise", I quickly interjected.
Mum's eyes adopted a stern glean as she continued, "And I wanted to finish this talk before you go back to school".
My shoulders slump; almost wishing that Hogwarts had a mandatory health class. That way parents of magical children wouldn't have to have these conversations at home. "What if I promised just to keep my legs closed?"
"Holly!" Mum reprimanded. "Don't use vulgar expressions!" When I managed to hold my tongue for a solid moment, Mum took a deep breath and continued. "There is a contraceptive potion. With training, you can brew it yourself or purchase it from an apothecary. You only need to drink a spoonful about an hour before you intend to have… intimate interactions".
"Okay", I replied when it became apparent that Mum wasn't going to offer up more. "Is that it?" I was slightly surprised. But not really. It sounded just like muggle birth control pills but with a little more freedom as you don't have to take it every day at the same time.
"Do you have any questions?" Mum asked. She didn't seem too astonished that I wasn't more curious. I suppose our last conversation would have given her an idea about how I would react to this one.
"No", I answered honestly.
Mum nodded as she took another sip of tea like she didn't expect any other response from me. It feels good that Mum knows me so well. "But you will talk to me when you start thinking that you'll need it?"
I took my time as I mulled over her question. It was a reasonable parental request, I suppose. "I probably won't", I admitted. Mostly because I didn't see the need. This wasn't my first time around the block. And while Jessie was prone to get swept away in overwhelming romantic emotions, I was not. You only have to die once before you decide not to go down that road again.
"Holly", Mum said in a concerned manner. "It's really important that you talk to someone, an adult you trust, before you make a big life decision like that".
Maybe I should just be straightforward for once. It might make things easier moving forward. "Sex didn't work out too well for me in the last life, so I'm not sure if it's something I want to do in this life", I spoke quickly, staring down at the tabletop. All I really remember of the aftermath of Jessie's sexual encounters involved tears, pints of ice cream, aspirin, and a knife with blood dripping off the tip. "Adrian's different from anyone I remember. He has… standards which is something I'm not used to". Admitting that was one of the most vulnerable statements I have ever made. Mum shifted in her chair at that last part. No doubt she was thinking there was another talk we needed to have. "Right now, we are just having fun and figuring out how we work with one another. With him, I feel secure and valued". I could feel my heartbeat speed up. Despite how much confidence I felt in my words, it was still a hard thing to say aloud. "This time around, I want to wait. I don't think Adrian is going to demand anything like that from me. And even if he does, I think I am going to be strong enough to say no". And just because I can't end a conversation on a serious note, I added, "It also helps that I have Fred, George, and three older brothers that hunt and slaughter anyone who hurts me".
Mum huffed a moist-sounding laugh. "Oh", she drawled out. "Why are you always my most worrying child?"
"Me?" I asked as I looked up, completely taken back. I was sure that out of the eight of us, the title of the problem-child was a tie between Fred and George. Or maybe Charlie since he had a dangerous interest in large fire-breathing creatures. But me? Until last year, the most trouble I ever got into was due to participating in Fred and George's pranks. "Wait", I said, after I took a minute to really look at Mum. "Are you crying?" Merlin, I think I broke Mum.
Mum sniffed as she composed herself, but the rim of her eyes looked a little red as she started to explain, "You were completely unexpected. When I was pregnant with you, Fred and George-" Mum paused to ask, "Did I ever tell you this story?" At the shake of my head, she continued slowly as she was still collecting herself. "The healer told Dad and me we were having twins. She never found a third heartbeat in any of her scans. No one did. And then around mid-day on April first you three were born. I knitted new blankets and booties for Fred and George. But I didn't have anything new for you". Mum let out another half-laugh. "Bill ended up giving you his baby blanket because he didn't want you to feel left out. You three had been smaller than any of my other babies. The healers said that was normal since you were multiples. But you were even smaller than Fred and George. We didn't have a third bassinet, so for the first couple of nights you slept in Dad's emptied-out sock drawer since you were the smallest". These were all things that I hadn't heard before or remembered myself. It left me speechless. "And you cried all the time. Nothing we did would soothe you. We thought that you were sickly, but the healers could never find anything amiss. Eventually, we figured out that you'd only calm when you were between Fred and George". That part I do remember. Fred and George have always been the main ingredients for my safe space. They were the keys to how I anchored myself in this brave new world. "When you three turned six months you stopped crying altogether. You went completely quiet. Fred and George would babble up a storm; shrieking with laughter. But you'd just sit there and watch. Your father and I were sure that something was wrong. But every healer we took you to see told us we had nothing to fret about. Around your first birthday, you said your first word, along with Fred and George, so I guess they were right".
"What was my first word", I asked out of curiosity. Mum and Dad always oohed and awed, as parents tend to do, over Fred and George's first words being each other's names. But they never mentioned mine.
Mum took a deep breath as if steeling herself. "Knife", she answered. "You had woken up from one of your night-terrors and you kept on screaming knife over and over again".
"I must have sounded psychotic", I commented.
Mum snorted in grim humor. "We were very concerned. I couldn't even get you to say mummy until you were two". I shifted my eyes in a guilty fashion. Yeah, I had a hard time accepting that I had new parents. "Your nightmares were another thing. You would wake up screaming bloody murder every other night. And you were constantly falling asleep during the day to make up for the hours you were losing at night. At least, now we know what your nightmares were about and why they were so strong".
That brought on another wave of guilt. Of course, I had known that my screaming fits had kept my parents up, but I hadn't quite thought about it in terms of them worrying about their child's well-being. "I'm sorry", I said. "At the time, I wasn't... ready to talk about it". To be completely honest, I'm still not ready to talk about it. I just can't ignore it anymore.
Mum reached over and patted my left hand. "It got better after Ron was born. You'd still wake up screaming, but as far as we could tell you were acting like a healthy and happy child". Mum sighed a big sigh. It was so big that her shoulders rose and fell. "And then there's everything that happened last year. With the seizures and attacks, learning about your past life, Scabbers actually being a wizard, your professor being a criminal lunatic, and finding out that you were interested in a boy that was a death eater in a past life". Mum shook her head to ward off the disbelief of it all. "And you, right in the middle of all of it".
"Did you believe Adrian when he said that it was You-Know-Who that attacked us?" I asked. It was something I was curious about. Especially after Quirrell vanished from Hogwarts.
It takes Mum a while to respond. She takes another two sips of her tea before answering, "Yes", in a grim honesty. "Dumbledore always said that You-Know-Who would come back one day, and I think Adrian would recognize You-Know-Who better than most people".
We sit in silence for a moment, each distracted by our own thoughts. I don't think either one of us expected a conversation about contraceptives to end up being about You-Know-Who. "So, what should we do?" I asked after a moment.
Mum fixed me with a hard look. It's the type of look where her eyes dig into you and demand obedience. Out of all eight of us Weasley children, it usually only works on Percy and Charlie. "Do?" She repeated back at me. "Holly Weasley, you will not be doing anything. You are fourteen years old. The only thing you must do is school. You have been given a rare opportunity at a second life. Do not throw away your childhood because you're in a hurry to grow up. I think you more than anyone knows how fleeting childhood is". I nodded but sighed. If only she knew.