"No test is gonna help us understand what's going on."
Ellis sighed, "So in five years you've made no advances, and there is nothing else you can do for me. I don't know how you do it. Day in and day out. Work with people with this awful disease."
"Oh, uh," Derek bliniked, "I-well, see, i'm not an Alzheimer's specialist. I just took a special interest in this case because of Meredith."
He watched as Ellis' face became cold.
"You're what happened to her."
"I'm sorry?"
"I thought you were here for me. To offer me some hope. To tell me about some new treatment but you're here for her."
"Dr. Grey-"
"An attending? A neurosurgeon? No wonder she's so unfocused.
"I don't think you understand-"
"Oh I understand perfectly," she gritted through her teeth, "I've seen men like you, threatened by a woman who's their equal. You just want someone to admire you. And you don't care about the damage you do to her along the way."
Bailey got out of the car excitedly as his father parked near the dock. He quickly opened the door for his sisters and ran off to help his dad unpack the car.
"Oh no I forgot my cap," Bailey touched his head as he mourned the loss of his baseball cap, "Can I borrow one of yours?"
Derek nodded, "I think I have one here."
"Daddy, do you think we're gonna catch a lot today?" Ellis asked as she peered over.
"I hope so, Zo, do me a favor hon, grab these poles," he handed over his children's poles to his eldest as he continued to unload. This was what he needed.
Time with his children.
Time to enjoy the pure innocence they radiated. To throw around corny jokes that would definitely garner a laugh from them no matter what.
"Aha! Found one!" Bailey proclaimed. Derek looked up to find the blonde boy with blue eyes- a mirror image of his own- smile at him.
Derek couldn't help the grin that slowly spread on his face. Bailey had found an old black Bowdin cap. He looked so much like him.
"It looks good on you," Derek smiled as he reached to adjust the cap.
A sudden wave of nostalgia washed over him. In the last year his son had experienced one of the scariest days of his life. He'd handled it so well, followed every instruction Alex had given and then some. He'd made sure he kept up with school- with the help of his older sister and had happily bounced back into the Bailey that could just never stay still.
"Why didn't we just fish by the stream where you used to take us?" Zola asked, "Y'know, closer to home?"
"Because fly fishing is better in the Hoh River," Bailey answered as if the answer was an obvious one.
"Yeah," Derek agreed with his protegee, "And it's been a while since we've been fishing together. I wanted to spend as much as I could with the three of you."
Ellis reached to hold his hand as they walked through the woods earning a bright smile from her father.
"I like fishing with you," she smiled, "Are we gonna cook the fish after?"
"If my sous chef is up for it, yes," he smiled down at her as he gently squeezed her hand.
They continued their trek for a while until they reached their destination. The only noise around them were their voices and the lake flowing past them.
Meredith stared at the budget report in her hands. She should've been at home fast asleep, enjoying the rare quiet that the morning's events had brought on. Derek had promised the kids a fishing excursion that morning and had awoken early. He'd quietly trekked around the room, preparing for the day, until he gently leaned over and pressed his lips against her cheek, promising he'd see her later that day.
She sleepily nodded until she realized that there was no passiveness to his voice. As if nothing had happened the day before. No big decisions, no big revelations.
She'd texted him later letting him know she'd be at the hospital catching up on paperwork. But truthfully, she'd been staring at the same paper for the last fifteen minutes trying to make sense of what happened. The old Derek wouldn't have kissed her goodbye. He would've played the silent card for the whole day.
"Tell me it gets easier."
"What gets easier?" Meredith slightly jolted, took her glasses off, and looked up at the intruder in her office.
"This parenting thing," Alex plopped on her couch with his feet up on the arm rest, "Tell me that when they're Bailey's age it gets easier. Or just Ellis' age, give me some hope."
Meredith burst out laughing, "Oh no. I can't lie to you because it only gets harder."
Alex groaned, "How is Bailey?"
"He's doing good," Meredith smiled, "He started baseball again and he's happy to be out of the house. He's fishing with Derek and his sisters today."
"Poor kid," Alex shook his head, "He's had a hell of a year."
"Mmhm," she agreed, "They start growing and start paying attention and sometimes you know what to say and others you just don't. Enjoy Luna while she's young."
Alex sat up as he pondered her words. He turned to her and noticed her blank stare,"What's up with you? You look weird, you're not even on call today. Why are you here?"
"I told you, the kids are off with Derek fishing and I had paperwork to catch up on-"
"Cut the crap, I know you," Alex stared at her. He stood from the couch and made his way to the chair in front of her desk, "What's going on?
"Derek and I decided we're moving to Boston," she quietly admitted. It'd been the first time she'd say it out loud. Officially.
"What? Like for real this time?"
Meredith nodded, "Yeah. Zola loved the school in Boston and Derek and I think it's the right thing with everything that's been happening-"
"Are you kidding me? I'm surprised you're still alive," Alex scoffed, "You deserve to run off to a happy ending. Have you told Yang? She's gonna get a good kick out of this!"
Meredith laughed, "Not yet. I keep missing her and I want to tell the kids first."
She exhaled and drifted once more. Alex tilted his head. In the years he'd known Meredith Grey, he'd known just how much Seattle meant to her. What the people here meant and why it'd been so hard for her to leave.
"It's a good thing, Mer," he added, "You've earned it. You both have."
Meredith sighed, "I haven't told Maggie. And Derek wants to be the one to tell Amelia so please-"
"I'll keep my mouth shut," he nodded, "So what are you gonna do out there? Mass Gen? Brigham?"
"Derek got offered a job wherever the hell he chooses to," Meredith sighed, "Catherine is offering him a grant and letting him choose the partnership."
"Okay, what about you?" he asked with a furrowed brow.
"Jackson offered me a job."
"Doin' what?"
"Funding for a clinical trial," she swallowed the lump formed at her throat, "for Alzheimer's."
Alex froze for a second, "You're screwing with me."
"Nope, not this time," Meredith sighed, "Shut up, I know. I know what you're thinking."
"You screwed with the first one-"
"I know!" she gritted through her teeth, "You don't think I know that? It almost cost me my marriage and my child because you had to open your big stupid mouth, remember?"
She leant back on her chair as she thought about the decade past them. She'd made a choice. She stood by the choice. And Alex- being the ass he could be- had snitched. And it cost her a lot. Their friendship had become fractured but would soon repair.
"What the hell did Shepherd say?"
Meredith swallowed, "Nothing. He said nothing."
"Wait, you didn't tell him?" Alex blinked.
"I did," she clarified as she fidgeted with her hands, "He said nothing. He stood there. And then went to bed."
"You think he's pissed?"
"I know he is. I mean I screw with his clinical trial, get him banned from the FDA, and then I get this?" she shrugged, "You know Derek, he's changed but he has an ego. And I've hit it a few times."
"Yeah, but you two are in a better place now, right?"
"I-yeah," she answered truthfully, "We are. We're probably in the best place we've ever been which is why I am a little worried. That's all."
"But you want to take it?"
"Once upon a time I wanted to cure my mother's disease. Then freaking Derek opened up a way and I went through it with him. And then I made a choice and it all came crashing down," she gulped, "And now my daughter knows too much and all I want to do is help. And if this is it, then that's what I want."
"And?"
"And I want to watch my kids grow," she continued softly, "I don't want to worry about forgetting post-its and the day Zo came home or holding Bailey and Ellis for the first time or the first day of residency…I-I don't want to forget it."
"So then take the job," Alex shrugged, "Shepherd has to understand. I mean he'll be pissed- jealous, he'll be jealous- but he'll get it."
Meredith stared at him before focusing her eyes on the picture on her desk.
Alex spoke once more leaving her with a lot to think about.
"It was his dream too, remember?"
The house was too quiet for her own good. Maybe it'd been a good thing for her to spend the morning in the hospital.
This house was not made for silence.
Literally. This house was made for children running around, for messes to be made, and for laughs in every room.
But at this very moment, it was silent and it's why she'd been sitting out on the porch with a book in her hand. Her eyes stared at the book in her hand but her thoughts were elsewhere. In Boston, Grey Sloan, even Switzerland. And somewhere down the halls of neurosurgery, where one case she wanted to close was still very much open.
The sound of Derek's Ceyenee reached her ears. She turned to the direction of the vehicle and watched as he parked in the driveway. He got off, a dark green cap hiding his curls and welcoming grin aimed at her. He opened the door in the back and she watched as two familiar arms clung to his neck.
"Help, I've got an Ellis hanging on my back and she's too tall for me to carry," Derek playfully groaned as he stepped up the porch with Ellis clinging to his back, her giggles echoing in the woodlands. Zola and Bailey walked behind him with their gear in hands.
Meredith laughed as she watched him put her down. She stood to welcome her kids and met them halfway.
"Did you guys have fun with Dad today?"
"We didn't really catch anything but we had fun," Bailey answered as he adjusted his cap and ran to embrace his mom, "We missed you."
Meredith hugged her only son tightly. He'd always been so sweet and kind. The one to be physically affectionate and always reach out to her. She loved that.
"You guys reek of sweat and mud and water," Meredith scrunched her nose. She watched as Derek helped Zola put her gear down, "Go inside and shower, I already ordered take out."
The kids ran inside after quickly embracing their mother. She watched as Derek made his way up the stairs. His boots thumping loudly with each step.
"Are you gonna send me to shower too?" he leaned in to kiss her softly, "Everything good at the hospital?"
Meredith shook her head, "This thing with Bailey is getting worse every day. There were protesters when I went in and even more when I left but she refuses to close it."
"It's open today?" he asked as he moved gear around the porch, "Is she still getting threatened?"
Meredith nodded, "I tried talking to her again and she says she 'already has Ben wearing her down and I don't need to add to it'."
"That sounds like her," He shook his head as he leaned against a beam with one hand on his hip, "You okay?"
Meredith told him, determination in her eyes, "We need to talk."
"What's wrong?" his brow furrowed.
"What the hell is going on with you?"
Derek blinked, unsure of what she was saying, "What do you mean?"
"You're angry that Jackson offered me the trial aren't you?" Meredith crossed her arms over her chest protectively.
He groaned, "I knew you were gonna bring it up again."
"What the hell was that last night? Since when do you just say, 'Wow' and walk away?"
"Meredith-" He leaned on the beam.
She pointed at him with her lithe, long finger, "Don't 'Meredith' me. What the hell are you so pissed about? That I got offered a job? That it's a job you would've taken-"
"That's not-"
"Because I thought we were over this! I thought we both grew the hell up and we supported each other! Last year you were moving heaven and Earth for me to work on the Parkinsons' trial and you were right beside me-"
"Meredith would you just hear me-"
"I thought after everything in New York, we were past the passive aggressiveness crap and that you trusted me enough to tell me-"
"Meredith! Stop and listen for a second will you?"
"No!" She yelled as she flailed her arms about, "Because it seems to me like you are jealous and are still trying to punish me for something I did years ago! You should be freaking happy that one of us got this! I get it. It wasn't you! Is it your ego? Is it you thinking that once again, you matter most? Because guess what Derek, I made a freaking name for myself- by myself! So me getting this job shouldn't be anything too surprising for you!"
"You think I'm jealous?" he asked incredulously. His tone remained calm. Cautious. He stood in front of her as his eyes slowly rose to meet hers. An incredulous expression, a tired one. This had been a recurring argument. She'd never fully trust him, would she?
"Yes!" she exclaimed, "What other reason can I expect from you? What else in this world could explain why you would shut down on me this way? Can you tell me? Because I can't think of anything else!"
He stayed silent for a moment. She could see that he was lost in his own thoughts. A river of unknown thinking just like those moments in New York.
"Derek, just help me understand!"
"I-Meredith-"
"Do you remember what it was like when Bailey was born?" she cut him off ruthlessly, determined to get her fair share in. She wasn't about to let him off the hook. Not this easily.
"I do," he answered in a quiet tone.
"And you remember what it felt like? To hold your son- your only son- in your arms for the first time. After everything you and I went through with the shooting and the miscarriage and Mark and Lexie, you remember that?"
"Yes-"
"And Ellis? You remember what it was like when you held her and you promised her she'd meet me. I wasn't there but you told me. You remember?"
"Meredith-"
"And Zo? You remember what it was like to meet her? For the first time and knowing she was your daughter," tears threatened to stream down her face, "That instinct, the gut feeling that told you that she was ours and you just had to keep her in our life? Do you remember?"
"Meredith-"
"Answer the damn question! Do you remember?"
"Yes," he lowered his gaze, shifted his weight, knowing full well where this road was leading to, "I remember it perfectly. I remember all of it."
"Good," she swallowed her tears, "Because I won't remember if I do get Alzheimer's. You get to keep all those memories and I won't and that is not fair."
"I won't remember what it was like to see Bailey when you brought him to me and how it felt to see this tiny little human that I called fetus or that I couldn't even look at our first ultrasound because I was too terrified. I won't remember how he opened his eyes and the relief I felt when I laid eyes on him."
"I won't remember when Ellis was wheeled into the room and how I couldn't let her go when she needed to go back to the nursery. I won't remember how she smiled when I first held her and how Zola promised her she'd be the best big sister ever.."
"And I won't remember when Zola came home. When Janet stood at the door, holding my daughter and she told us she was ours," she wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at him, "And I am angry and jealous that you will."
"You don't think I know that?" He raised his head, "You don't think I know that there's a chance you truly won't remember their names? My name? That you won't recognize them? You think I don't know that?"
He couldn't help it. He straightened his posture and raised his voice. Derek quickly glanced inside to see if he spotted any sign of their children. He swallowed before he continued, trying desperately to keep them hidden from their own painful fight.
"That you won't remember Zola running to you when she took her first steps or how Bailey would fall asleep holding your hand or how Ellis insisted you wear a dress for the wedding we had for her back here?"
It all came crashing towards her. Meredith had once made everyone around her promise. Her children wouldn't go through the same pain she would. She didn't want them to see her forget. What was the saying? Death was more painful for the living? Sure.
It was a strange predicament she'd been left with. To care for the woman who had little to no care for her. Sure, she did her best. Yes, she was an incredible surgeon who tore down walls so she could be the surgeon she was. Yes, she was extraordinary. But none of that erased the fact that Meredith had been dealt with cards that no child should. Even Richard had admitted that. And it only became more painful when she had the sole responsibility of caring for her.
And that, she didn't want for her children. Even if things were different between them. Even if they had their father.
Life was known to make her pay for any sense of happiness.
"I know you're terrified about leaving our kids?" Derek continued," Of what might happen if they have to see you-"
"It still doesn't explain why the hell you are pissed at the fact that I got-"
"I'm not pissed because you got a job, Meredith! I trained you! I know what you're capable of!" he spat, "I'm not gonna stand here and hold you back or do anything for you to accuse me of that!"
The gasket finally blew. The sound of voice echoed and he internally kicked himself for exploding.
"No matter what we do, it's always gonna follow us. It's always gonna be right there chasing after us and no matter what I-," he shrugged.
"What's always gonna follow us?" Meredith stared at Derek. It didn't seem to click. She was used to deciphering him, to knowing what he was thinking without needing to speak. She could tell what he was about to do with just one single flinch.
"I'm not scared for myself, I can handle it, I promised you I would and I meant it!"
"What are you talking about?"
"But our kids?" he shook his head with a swallow, "They don't- they can't- I can't leave it all on them if something- I can't do anything."
He pushed himself off the beam and made his way down the stairs
"Derek!"
"I need some space," he turned to her, "Don't follow me. Not this time, please don't follow me."
"You just want someone to admire you. And you don't care about the damage you do to her along the way."
"Derek?" Richard blinked as he stared at the visitor at the door, "What are you- is everything alright? Is Meredith okay? Are the kids alright? "
Derek opened his mouth to speak but the words couldn't come out. He blinked rapidly and stuffed his hands in the pocket of his blue jacket.
"Oh no," Richard swallowed, "It's Catherine. I knew it was bad, how bad-"
"It's not Catherine," Derek shook his head, "It's uh-how'd you do it?"
"Do what?" Richard blinked.
"Adele. How'd you- how did you live knowing you were losing her?"
Richard stepped back as he realized what he was talking about. Derek Shepherd had been the one to make the connection that Meredith had not only inherited Ellis Grey's looks, but her talent. And he'd fought tooth and nail for a clinical trial that might just prevent the same fate unto his wife.
"Come inside," he stepped to the side, letting his former student into his home. Richard observed how he was anxious. How Derek nervously shook his leg as if trying to prevent himself from exploding. It reminded him of his residency days back in New York.
Derek stepped forward and walked towards the living room he swallowed as he looked around the house.
"You want to tell me what's going on?"
"If I tell you, you can't tell Catherine," Derek turned to Richard, "Not yet anyway. And you can't tell Maggie either. Or Amelia- especially Amelia."
"Derek, are you alright? Is Meredith alright?"
"She's great, she's-" he paused and as he put together the pieces in his mind, "She's been offered a job at the foundation. They're giving her a lab-"
"I've heard this story before-" Richard crossed his arms as a similar conversation from a year ago echoed in his mind.
"-to find the cure for Alzheimer's," Derek finished.
Richard felt a notch at his chest. Tightening as he realized what this meant. Meredith Grey was leaving Grey Sloan Memorial. Derek Shepherd would be following her. And nothing or no one could stop them. A job- a chance to cure Alzheimer's was a one way ticket out of Seattle.
"So what's wrong?" Richard asked, "Is it because-"
"No, no, It's not the job I'm pissed at," Derek swallowed, "I know I have a reputation and I've given every reason for people to think that I'm jealous but it's knowing that she has the gene and she might get it."
"I've been wrapped up in my own mess and everything going on with the kids that it just," he paused, "The pain came back. The fear of not having control over it and losing her just- it came back."
"Well you've never had control, Derek," Richard answered as he motioned to the couch. He watched as Derek hesitated slightly before sitting on the white couch, "No one ever does. Not when it comes to life."
"As surgeons, our instinct is to control. Control bleeds, control vitals, it's what we do," Richard explained, as he sat on the opposite couch, "And you've always had a thing for needing control. The accident. The trial. Meredith's accident- the ferryboat and the attack. Your first marriage. Even back in New York."
This was true. Even Meredith had been aware.
You have this big ego, this arrogance about you when it comes to your career. You made your career out of it. And I thought it was just because it was your way of charming people and I'll be honest, I kinda liked it when we started out but you hide behind that ego when you're scared. You hide behind it because it's the one thing you can control.
"You've always had this thing with controlling the outcome of a surgery, since your residency, it's been something you needed. You'd try to will your patient to live," Richard shook his head as he thought the raven haired intern desperately performing CPR on the first patient he lost, "It's what makes you a hell of a neurosurgeon. And I can only imagine it stems from your childhood and taking care of your sister-"
"I don't talk about my sister-"
"I know," Richard nodded, "And I respect her anonymity but it was once a hospital issue so this gets a pass."
Derek huffed out a breathy chuckle.
"Control is an addiction itself," Richard continued, "We lose it and we don't know what to do with ourselves. And you chase it after something goes wrong like the shooting, remember that? You needed control of something so you were speeding, remember that?"
Derek nodded.
"And I'm guessing it was the same when your nephew showed up at the hospital doors?"
Derek blinked, "What do you mean?"
"Well you ran from New York didn't you? Away from Addison and Mark and your family-"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well your nephew shows up and suddenly you're faced with the past that you ran from," Richard shrugged, "It reminds you that you never had control of the problem. Just control to push it away until it explodes.
"You'll never have control," Richard explained, "I thought I did."
Derek looked up to his former mentor who was lost in deep thought.
"I was caring for Adele one time. I thought things were fine and one morning she woke up and got out of bed."
"She walked out of the house?"
"Not that time," he shook his head, "I walked into the kitchen to find the stove on fire."
Derek shut his eyes briefly. Meredith had often joked about burning the house down.
"I didn't want to but things got bad and I had to check her into Rose Ridge," Richard shook his head, "I watched her forget me, forget us, our marriage. I watched her fall in love with some stranger. And I watched her suffer. I had no control of any of it."
"Meredith doesn't want that. She made me promise that I wouldn't put her in a home."
"Mm," Richard considered the irony of it. She'd been the one to suggest placing Adele in one all those years ago, "Well even in that home I couldn't control what happened to Adele. Just like Meredith couldn't control what happened to her mother."
"Meredith lives day in and day out with the same fear you do," Richard continued as he watched Derek nod in agreement, "She tries to hide it behind her work, the kids, and you."
"Lately it's all she thinks about," Derek quietly mumbled, "I've caught her in the middle of the night reading about Alzheimer's research and she's left her laptop open to articles. She constantly thinks about it."
"I'm watching my wife die from cancer now," Richard whispered, "Slowly, painfully. She hides it well but I know she's in pain."
Derek couldn't help the shudder that ran through his body. He didn't want to see that. He didn't want to see his wife forget everything.
The life they built. The children they'd raised. The love they shared. The pain they felt when it seemed impossible to get to where they were now. Even so, he did not want her to forget. Because it had been so worth it.
"Meredith's not dying. She doesn't have a diagnosis. She's living and breathing. Raising your kids and bossing everyone around."
Derek chuckled.
"Let go of the need to have control," Richard pointed at the table with his index finger, "Because when you do, life finds a way to surprise you. "
Meredith stared out at the vast lawn, replaying the events in her head over and over again. She should've known this was bigger than any jealousy he might've felt. She should have known that this was a matter of fear and worry. That he'd been the one to try to hold her hand when her mother said things and all she did was push away. She didn't know how to accept his hand, she was never taught to. But now, all she knew was to hold it tightly and gripping as hard as she could.
What she didn't realize was how keenly aware Derek had been that their children could potentially have the same fate. She was, of course she was. She didn't want them to feel that they would have a burden to carry should her memory fail them. She didn't want them to feel unloved or uncared for. Her past shouldn't and couldn't dictate their future.
After everything they'd been through, they deserved better.
Nearly an hour passed and she could hear the Little Grey Shepherds shuffling around their rooms. The food had arrived, and now she was in her kitchen- their kitchen- setting up to eat.
"Do you need help?" Zola stepped into the kitchen.
"I'm just about done, but thanks Zo," Meredith smiled at her, "You know I used to hate Chinese but it was all my roommates would order back when-"
"Are they gonna hate me?"
Meredith's head snapped up incredulously, "What?"
She noticed how Zola shuffled slightly, similar to her father when he was uncomfortable or nervous. A rare occurrence.
"Bailey and Ellis?" Zola answered, "Are they going to hate me when you tell them?"
"Zo, Zo," Meredith rounded the corner and held her daughter's cheeks in each hand, "They are not going to hate you."
"What if they do? What if they don't get it?"
Zola's voice slightly waivered. It wasn't a panic attack, but it was an anxious, insecure feeling that she had deep within.
"It's okay. I know you're nervous," Meredith reassured her eldest, "I know you're worried. I know moving scares you because we've lived here all your life and if I'm honest, I'm a little scared too."
"You are?"
"I am," Meredith giggled a little as she caressed her cheeks, "Your dad and I wouldn't be making this choice if we didn't believe in it. Bailey and Ellis might be upset and it's okay. They're allowed to be upset, it doesn't mean we don't love them or that they don't love us. And it definitely doesn't mean you don't love them."
Zola sighed.
"You three have each other and no matter what you will always have each other even when you disagree, I mean look at your dad and Aunt Amy, they bicker all the time and they're still very close," Meredith laughed as she thought about the blue eyed pair, "And your Aunt Maggie and I disagree too, I used to disagree with Aunt Lexie all the time but at the end of the day, they were my sisters."
"Did you fight with Aunt Cristina, too?" Zola asked.
"Before she left, we had the biggest fight ever," Meredith rolled her eyes, "It'll be okay. You let us worry about them. We're ready for the consequences if there are any."
"Zo are you okay?" Bailey's voice interrupted the moment. The pair turned to him as he stood with his eyes on them, head tilted to the side, and face slightly worried.
Zola sniffed, "I'm okay, Bailey."
"See?" Meredith winked as she released her daughter, "Hungry Bails?"
Bailey made his way over to the kitchen bar, "Yup. Where'd Dad go?"
"Um," Meredith thought for a moment, "He needed some time to himself and went for a walk. He'll be back later."
Bailey furrowed his brow. His Dad wasn't one for completely disappearing until recently. Oh well, he thought as he brushed off any other thought.
Ellis was the final of the three to step into the kitchen. She jumped on the chair by the kitchen bar and sighed heavily, "I'm hungry, can we eat?"
When he first moved to Seattle, the first thing he did was purchase a piece of land and a crappy trailer. He didn't care he was so far removed from everyone in the world, in fact, that's exactly why he had purchased it. It was far away from the messes he'd left back in New York and isolated enough that he wouldn't hurt anyone any longer.
Now, the land was anything but alone. Three chatty, happy, energetic children lived in a home he helped build with his own two hands and a woman he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. They were safe here.
Derek stepped up on the deck and noticed the light out back. He walked towards the porch where he found his wife sitting on the couch with a pen in hand, reading an article. She was focused and concentrated. Absorbing whatever the article was currently teaching her.
He could watch her this way forever. Watch how her eyebrow raised as her eyes skimmed each page. He could see it even through the thicker frame of her glasses- which she finally got after stealing his on multiple occasions.
"You need your own pair," he insisted as she took them off and placed them on the bridge of her nose, "You're going to hurt your sight and then you won't step into an OR-" ."
"Shut up, that's not gonna happen. My eyes are fine besides," she retorted, "they look better on me anyway."
She clicked her pen multiple times before dropping it and reaching for a highlighter. She must've sensed him standing there just staring because her head suddenly turned, her ponytail bouncing just a little above the neckline of her Dartmouth shirt.
"How long have you been standing there?" Meredith turned back to her journal and highlighted her page.
"A little while, not too long," he replied as he stepped forward, "The kids?"
"Inside, asleep," she shrugged, "Or pretending to be asleep. They asked about you."
"What'd you tell them?"
"That their dad was a moron and needed some time to himself?" she smirked.
"Really? That's what you went with?"
Meredith chuckled as she threw the journal on the table in front of her, "I said you went for a walk. That you needed some space."
He nodded as he looked inside the house.
"Are you done being a jackass or should I get your stupid blanket ready?" she raised a brow.
Derek sighed as he shook his head, "I'm sorry I'm a jackass."
"I know," Meredith raised her legs close to her chest protectively.
He didn't like being one to just impulsively push away, she knew that. She also knew he had to step away before he said anything that could jeopardize any progress in their marriage. Before he said something he knew he'd regret forever.
Wow, you sound just like your mother.
"Where'd you run off to?"
Derek shook his head. He meandered his way over to the empty seat next to hers and plopped down, "I was at Richard's."
"Richard's?" she furrowed her brows, "Why were you at Richard's?"
"I needed some," he sighed as he put his feet up on the small table and released a loud sigh, "perspective."
"Perspective?" she raised both brows, "On what?"
"You're mother is in my head," he slightly shook his head.
Meredith nodded, "Richard's an expert at all things about my mother. Why are you thinking of her?"
"She said something, years ago when she was lucid, you remember?"
She nodded, "She made you doubt yourself. She had ways."
"I thought I was jealous," He admitted, "I wanted this feeling I had to be jealousy because I used to want to do the big jobs, the big surgeries, cases. I wanted to find the next big technique. I wanted to cure Alzheimer's. But this feeling was never about a job."
Meredith sighed. This was him opening up. Letting himself be saved from drowning. This was them being the mature, married, team they had worked so hard to be. This was their lifeline.
Their moment.
"I wanted to do it for you. I wanted to stop anything bad from happening before it actually did. I wanted to protect you and keep you safe…like I do to everyone," he sighed, "This year has just been one thing after the other with the kids that I just forgot."
"What are you talking about? What did you forget?"
He tilted his head as he gave her a knowing look.
"Oh," she understood. He forgot the fear he felt at the possibility of losing her.
"I have no control over it. I thought I once did but I have no control about what's gonna happen to you, or the kids, or even me," he blinked, "And that's terrifying. You said you'd been given this chance to do what I couldn't do-"
"Do you resent me? For messing with-"
"I meant it when I told you I didn't," he shook his head, "I just…for one second I let myself believe that this move would fix everything. But it won't. It's not gonna fix this fear we have or the fear Zo has."
"This move was never going to magically make everything go away," Meredith added, "It's still a real possibility that I might get it, Zola's anxiety is probably never going away but this move might help manage it."
"This fear you have is the same one I have," she exhaled, "And it worsens with every birthday and every single day that goes by."
"I know," he nodded, "We're gonna live with it forever."
"You should take the job," he turned to her, "Honestly, you deserve this opportunity more than anyone. For you, and Zola, Bailey, and Ellis."
He swallowed, "For your mom. You deserve to get a shot at what has scared you all these years."
Meredith wrapped her hands around her knees as she stared ahead, "She's been in my head too. In Boston? After I spoke to Jackson? After we visited the house? She was in my head. That day that she was lucid, she said that her illness should've been enough inspiration for me to have chosen a specialty."
"It won't ever matter if I never get her approval anyway because she's dead but," Meredith swallowed, "I have to do this. I have to close this chapter with her and I think it means taking this job. I-I don't know why and it doesn't make sense but everything always leads back to her."
She tightened her grip around her shin, "And I'm tired of running away from it. Maybe I just need to run towards it and just face head on."
He nodded, "So we're doing this. We're moving to Boston. This is our next step."
This could be our next step. He'd said that so long ago and when he said it, she remembered her heart dropping to the pit of her stomach. This time, it was different.
"This is our next step," she echoed, "Any ideas on how to break it to the kids?"
"No," he shook his head, "I have nothing."
"Well, before we leave," Derek turned to her and watched as she was lost in thought, "I have unfinished business here."
"What do you mean?"
"If I don't finish that treehouse before we move, Ellis might literally stop speaking to me and I don't think I can go on with that."
Meredith laughed as she reached for him, thankful he broke the tension that would always plague them. Her arms wrapped around him and she tucked her head against his chest.
Everything always led back to their family. Every fear, every triumph. Their problems were so much bigger than a job.
Everything revolved around the life they'd made together.
They stayed in each other's arms before Meredith spoke, "Derek?"
"Mm?"
"I know we just made up, but for God's sake please shower or else I will throw the stupid ugly blanket out again."
There was something comforting in turning off the lights of their home for the night. In letting the natural moonlight shine in through the glass windows that took weeks to decide upon. Especially on a night like this one where there were too many reminders that all of this could vanish.
The Little Grey-Shepherds had long gone and fallen asleep. Meredith walked into Ellis' bedroom where she lay sound asleep on her bed. Her bedroom had been painted a light shade of green after she demanded that the former pink walls be covered. Of course, her dad obliged and truthfully the room was much more reflective of her personality.
Meredith leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss against her head. The sheets ruffled as the small child shifted. She was so much like her mother- physically and personality wise. Sometimes Meredith found it endearing and occasionally she worried it'd cause a clash between them in the far future. Stubbornness often clashed with stubborness after all.
Meredith gently closed the door behind her and made her way to her son's room. Derek was right, he had inherited the same sleeping habit she had. Snoring. She turned off the lamp he'd left on before falling back to sleep and pushed back his blonde tresses.
The last room she entered had sleek yellow walls, a teal bed, and photographs of her loved ones everywhere. Zola had been just as adamant to keep so many momentos as her father had. Meredith stepped forward and gently peeled away the new novel she'd been reading. She grabbed the blue bookmark from the night table and slipped it to the page she was reading.
Her daughter had a fear. And she could do very little about it.
But she'd be damned if she didn't try.
Maybe tampering with Derek's trial had been something the universe had alway planned so she could take his torch and run with it as far as she could. It would never mean she'd be leaving him behind, it simply meant that this was her journey to complete.
And his? His was to protect and to help her keep her afloat. To help her embrace the life she had always wanted but never knew she could have. To help her feel worthy of being so loved and to help her put down those demons that would always chase her.
Maybe. Who really knew?
What she did know was that their differences somehow balanced each other.
At least that's how she liked to think of it.
Meredith stepped out of Zola's room and closed the door behind her, a sudden wave of anxiousness nauseating her.
She made her way to their bedroom and shut the door behind her. The rustling of the shower could lightly be heard from the door.
Meredith looked around. The tumor was still on their wall, firmly set. A reminder of the night they both stayed up until she inspired him to return to the OR and remove an impossible spinal tumor.
Their post-it? Still hanging on the wall, no longer in the broken frame she once threw in the trash bin angrily.
On her bedside table, there was a frame of the kids. It must've been taken a few years ago as Ellis still had the baby face she had now outgrown. The three of them looked at whoever had taken the picture with giant smiles plastered on their faces. And on Derek's, his watch and another photograph of the married pair embracing one another. He'd had it for years and couldn't part with it.
Why did such a terrible disease exist and why did it have to take a lifetime of love away?
Meredith walked into the bathroom, breathing heavily as the near moment of panic took over. She'd made sure she closed the door firmly behind her and quickly took her clothes off.
She watched as Derek pressed both his palms against the glass windows and let out a loud exhale as if he were trying to rid himself of the messes made. His overgrown curls stuck to his forehead and she was sure he hadn't noticed her presence when she opened the glass doors. She wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed her lips against his slick back. She felt his muscles slightly tense and his hands covering hers. He turned in her arms and met her green eyes.
"Don't say anything," she whispered as her hands slowly caressed the wet skin of his arms, "Please just…make me forget just for now."
Forget that there was fear. Forget that they had baggage. Forget that their children had suffered the consequences of their past without them noticing.
Forget that maybe they'd never be truly healed.
Derek cupped her face and kissed her. The roughness of his hands explored her body, caressing every curve and crevice. He pressed her against the tile and loved her.
Until she forgot.
Bailey stood in front of the tree and watched as his dad lifted the hammer and smashed the nail.
He was practically done, he could tell, even if he couldn't see him.
He mentally kicked himself for not having this idea earlier and for being too sick to help build it. It was brilliant. A treehouse out in the yard? A place to hide out? Somewhere he could run from his sisters to? Genius. Ellis was a genius.
Bailey adjusted his cap, "Dad! Can I help?"
The hammering stopped. Derek stepped out of the treehouse and looked over the railing, "Bailey? It's just past dawn, what are you doing up?"
"I heard you," Bailey shrugged, "Thought you might need the help?"
"Bud, it's really early, you should go back to bed," Derek leaned on the banister and smiled at his son. He wore the ratted black Bowdin cap once more.
"Nah," he shook his head, "I'd rather help you."
Derek grinned as he gestured for him to join him on the treehouse's deck. Bailey ran up the stairs of the staircase he built on one side of the tree. He couldn't decide between a ladder and a staircase until he witnessed his daughter climb up and hide on the deck months ago. Both were necessary. One for her adventures and the other for the parents to climb up and safely convince her to come back down.
Not that they'd succeed anyway.
Bailey happily stood next to him, "What do I do?"
"Hand me that piece of wood, please?" Derek motioned to the corner of the house, "Hold it steady here. Be careful please."
"This is the frame," Bailey studied the wall, "For the window?"
"Mmhm," Derek nodded as the sound of a drill echoed around them, "We just need a few details and it's almost done."
Bailey watched as his dad concentrated. They switched places and Derek repeated the same motions on the opposite end. They kept at it for a while until the sun was fully shining through the newly installed window.
"Okay, I think that'll do it," Derek announced proudly as he looked towards his son, "Want to go grab breakfast? You've been up for a while-"
"We're moving, aren't we Dad?"
Derek froze, "What?"
"Zola liked the school in Boston."
His father was at a loss for words, "Bailey-"
"It's okay," Bailey gave him a tight grin, "I get it."
Derek's heart sank. He stepped back until he reached the nook he'd planned out and brought to fruition, "How'd you find out?"
"I heard Mom and Zo talk about it," Bailey sat next to him, "Zo's scared I'm gonna hate her. I was mean."
Derek nodded, "It's not how I wanted you to find out. And it's not how your momma wanted you to find out either. We were gonna tell you together and we were just trying to figure out how to say it."
Bailey stayed silent for a moment. He shuffled his feet and fidgeted with his hands. There was a lot Derek saw of himself in his son. He saw a young boy try to take care of the world around him. A young boy who just wanted to be his dad's…friend. Just like he did.
He thought of his dad fixing the old Mustang in the garage. Thought of how he'd handed him all the tools he'd request. And how he promised he could keep his old motorbike when he was older. It's why he was good with his hands. He was always fixing things like his dad. And now, Bailey would do the same.
"I don't hate Zola," Bailey finally spoke, "I can't hate her ever because she's my sister. She takes care of me and Ellis. She doesn't fight with us. She always shares. She's a good sister."
Derek nodded as he realized how mature his son was, "You can be upset. It's okay, to be."
"I know," Bailey shrugged, "But as long as we're all together, it'll be okay."
Derek reached to pull off the battered cap off his head. He wrapped his arm around his son and pressed his lips on the top of his head.
"I love you Bailey," Derek whispered.
"Love you too, Dad," Bailey replied before he gripped his dad's arm, "But can you let me go a little? You're squeezing me too hard and I can't breathe."
"Okay, watch your step, don't try to peak," Meredith helped keep Ellis' eyes closed as they walked out to the deck, "Your dad and your brother got up very early just to finish this today and they're very excited to show you so don't peak!"
"I'm not peaking!" Ellis screeched as she carefully stepped forwards, "You have your hands on my eyes!"
"To keep you from peaking!" Meredith laughed as she looked up to her older children who had been climbing up the ladder to the gift Ellis had been impatiently waiting for.
"Y'know this pretty much proves she's the favorite?" Bailey turned to his older sister.
Zola shrugged, "It's not like we didn't know."
"She's not the favorite- we don't have favorites!" Derek called out from the bottom of the stairs, "Besides you two will be in there just as much as she will, I know you!"
The treehouse had been finished. After such a long time, it was finally complete and ready for his children to hide in and plot out all their secret plans. It was such an obvious missing piece that he kicked himself over and over again for not thinking of it sooner.
"That's true," Bailey agreed as he turned to Zola who had her brows furrowed, "What's wrong with you? Why do you have that weird look on your face?"
"I don't have a face," Zola shook her head. She ran to the railing and leaned against it, spying her mother and sister impatiently waiting on the ground. Her dad made his way towards them.
"Okay, the baby girl is out!" Meredith called out as she spotted the pair, "And she's desperate so let's go!"
"Alright, Ellis," Derek proudly smiled. He clapped his hands together and stood in front of her, seeing the excitement practically radiate from her body, "Are you ready?"
"I have been ready!" she yelled.
"I don't think she's ready," Derek teased before he turned to the treehouse, "Let's call it off-"
"No!" Ellis yelled.
"Dad!" Zola cried as she raised her arms in desperation.
"C'mon, she's been waiting forever!" Bailey insisted.
Ellis yelled once more, "I want to see it now! I'm ready! I'm ready! I promise I'm ready!"
Meredith laughed, "I think that's as ready as you can get."
"Alright, fine," Derek smiled. He couldn't help the giddiness he felt, "One-"
He smiled at the way she slightly bounced with excitement.
"Two-"
Meredith wasn't sure she could hold her daughter's eyes shut any longer and she was prepared to let her loose.
"Two and a half-"
Zola and Bailey's groans echoed in the woodlands, "Dad!"
"Alright, alright," Derek laughed, "Three!"
As Meredith released her daughter's eyes, she heard the gasp that escaped her daughter's lips.
It was a beautiful treehouse. Derek had truly outdone himself, and her heart hurt knowing that it wouldn't be used as much as their daughter had hoped. Still, he was determined to keep his promise.
He had sat on the porch for days staring at the trees of their land deciding which would be the best to install Ellis' long awaited wish. He'd been set on four stout trees that for the life of her, she could not remember their names. He'd pictured something smaller, but knowing him, she knew it would be a greater project. In fact, she was sure it would be big enough for the entire family to hide out if needed.
What a gift her children had been given. A hideaway from their own hideaway home.
"What do you think?" Derek asked nervously.
Bailey and Zola leaned over the beams awaiting her response. They turned to each other with worried looks.
"You should come up and see it!" Zola called out, "It's really cool!"
"Yeah, c'mon Ellie!" Bailey agreed, "Ladder's on this side!"
Ellis remained frozen in place.
"Ellis? You okay?" Meredith asked as she rounded her way next to her children's father, "Ellis what's wrong?"
Overcome with emotion, Ellis turned to them with tears brimming in her eyes, "I love it so much!"
She ran to her parents and wrapped her arms around them. Tightly. As if willing them to stay this way forever.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she shrieked excitedly.
The parents laughed.
"Go thank your brother for helping this morning and thank your sister for choosing all the decorations," Derek chuckled as he encouraged her to run off.
Ellis released them and ran off to climb the ladder leading up to the treehouse.
"Bailey! Zola! You're the best brother and sister ever!"
The parents could hear the giggles echo throughout the land. Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek's middle with a deep sigh. Derek kissed the top of her head as his hand brushed her arm up and down.
I believe we can be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart!
"You remember you stood here and said we could be extraordinary together?" he asked as they heard the kids run around excitedly.
"Mmhm," Meredith hummed, "I made the House of Candles. We finally got it together and we were standing on the moon."
We're standing on the moon, Dr. Grey.
"You were right- not that I doubted you but," he whispered again, "They're pretty damn extraordinary."
She smiled as she breathed in his scent, "Told ya."
"Are they still up there?"
Derek turned to the source of the voice. He'd been sitting on the steps of the porch for hours just watching his children.
"Yeah," he whispered, "I think they're gonna want to spend the night there."
He took the glass of wine she'd kindly offered. A celebration for pulling off such a grand surprise.
"What do you think they're doing?" Meredith whispered as she settled between his legs and rested her back on his chest.
"No idea," he answered as she settled against his back, "Plotting their way to get another one?"
Derek wrapped one arm around her torso and held her tighter. Her hand rested gently against his arm as her head settled in the crook between his elbow.
"Bailey knows about Boston," Derek whispered as he pressed a kiss against her forehead. He felt his wife tense up at the revelation.
"What?"
"He heard you and Zola yesterday and he said that it was okay," Derek whispered, "He said he was okay with it. And he meant it, I know he did."
Meredith released a breath she didn't know she was holding on to, "Ellis?"
"No," she felt him shake his head, "I don't think she knows."
Up in the treehouse, three children sat staring at the sky through the skylight his dad had thought of, their parents' laughs echoing in the background.
"This was a good idea Ellis," Zola quietly whispered.
"Yeah," Bailey agreed, "It was."
Ellis didn't respond. She kept her hands folded on her tummy as she stared up at the sky.
"Ellis?" Zola leaned on her elbows and turned to her sister, "Are you okay?"
Bailey laughed, "She is so excited she can't speak."
"What's the point of a treehouse if no one wants to be your friend," Ellis whispered.
"Wait what?" Zola sat up, "What are you talking about? Who doesn't want to be your friend?"
"Morgan said everyone thinks I'm mean," Ellis explained, "She said she only invited me because her mom told her to. She felt sorry for me. And I don't want to go back to stupid school anymore."
Zola turned to Bailey with widened eyes. They all loved school. Everything about it.
"Don't tell mom," Ellis whispered, "Or dad. They'll just worry."
Zola laid back on the floor and reached for her sister's hand, "We'll be up here with you Ellis. We're your friends."
"Yeah," Bailey added, "You have us even if we fight."
Ellis smiled a little as she kept her eyes on the sky.
They were right. She had mom, dad, Zola, and Bailey.
That was enough.
A/N: Hi!
*sighs* Can we talk about the treehouse? I've had this vision of Meredith and Derek watching and hearing their children's happiness as they were filled with excitement in the yard. The treehouse symbolizes this net of security for their kids just like the dream house symbolized that for Meredith. And both are built by Derek. It circles back to his arc of needing to protect and take care of his family. And I also wanted it to be a sacred place for the siblings. In this case, Bailey confesses he knows about Boston and comes to terms with it in the treehouse. Zola is ever protective of her siblings in the treehouse. And Ellis shares a secret with her siblings. The treehouse is everything.
The Alzheimer's storyline is never ending for Merder. They are both terrified of it and now it's not just about them. It's about their children.
They've outgrown the fights over jobs and ambition. I know many of you are so passionate about your opinions about Derek and Meredith but they need to mature and grow out of that in order for them to move forward. The storyline revolving of who's job is better is something that's done and left in the past. We're over it. Now, they're repairing their childhood selves for the sake of their family. That transgenerational trauma needs to end with them and they know it. With Derek, it's coming to terms with pain, loss, and the fact that no one has control. With Meredith, it's so much more complicated because she needs to mend the relationship with her mother. And it's not just about Derek. It's not just the kids. We're gonna see more of that soon.
Richard being there for Derek was planned. Alex returning to ground Mer was planned. I don't have characters here for no reason. Every person in this story has a purpose.
I hope this has lived up to your expectations. I hope you are still enjoying this. To the silent readers who are coming out from the woods to review. Thanks! To the faithful reviewers, thanks! To all of you who read, thanks. I appreciate you endlessly.
We're not done. But we're close.