4:35.
The numbers on the phone practically yelled at her that she should be asleep. Enjoy the last twenty five minutes the world has left to offer you before the sun shines too brightly through those big windows.
Meredith gently placed her phone back on the nightstand and stared out into the darkness as she waited for the sun to make it known that morning was here. She'd been up for a while, fully aware that she'd need an overload of coffee as soon as she made the effort to get up. Help with breakfast, get the kids out, and get ready out the door by seven fifteen if she was taking Zola and Bailey and making it to work by eight thirty at the latest.
But no matter how hard she tried to return back to the sweet abyss of sleep, her mind wouldn't let her sleep.
Maggie needed to know Boston was her next move. Amelia needed to know otherwise she'd feel betrayed. She needed to tell Bailey and Hunt and the rest of the staff. And Derek needed to break the news to a class of interns that trusted him. And he needed to resign soon and recommend a replacement which needed her approval. And she needed to ensure Bailey was safe and the doxing stopped. She needed to tell Ellis and assure Bailey that he was a good brother for being so open to the move. And they needed to find a house. A big one with a yard and a treehouse for Ellie- even though nothing would ever top what her father built. And what about the dreamhouse? What would they do with their home? She and Derek hadn't discussed it. Would they sell it? Rent it? None of that sounded right, how was she just going to let another family-
Meredith snapped up and gently pushed herself off the bed. She grabbed her robe and wrapped herself, watching how Derek slept peacefully. They'd made a very important decision and there were still so many things they needed to work out.
She went about her morning quietly. A quick shower. A quiet minute to herself by the porch. A minute to read the journal she'd been meaning to finish over the weekend. A moment of complete silence to ramble in her own mind before the time came to wake up the kids.
Meredith stood in front of the counter, pouring a cup of coffee. She could hear the soft shuffling of the kids in their rooms- even if Ellis had refused to wake up. She could hear a louder set of footsteps make their way around the hallway.
"Good morning," Derek rounded the corner and smiled at the sight of his wife, "You're up early, are you on your way out?"
Meredith closed her thermos and nodded, "I'm about to. I got Bailey and Zola this morning. Ellis is running late, she slept in-"
"Okay I got Ellis," he nodded as he buttoned up the last button on his shirt, "Busy day?"
To say the least, Meredith thought.
"Yes," she nodded, "And I need to talk to Maggie about Boston. Are you talking to Amy-?"
"Yes, I'll talk to her today," he nodded as he watched her search around for the car keys. She turned from one counter to the other. She moved the journals on the counter and sighed with relief at the sight of them, "Meredith, you okay?"
"I just- I," she sighed, "I have so much going on at work with Bailey and the clinic and then I'm thinking about Maggie and Amelia and how they're going to take it-"
"Meredith-"
"And then the house! We need to start talking about it! And we're due for a review with the accreditation program soon-"
"That's my job," Derek nodded as he placed his palm on the counter to lean on it, "You delegated that to me, I got that covered-"
"And the kids! Ellis!" she exhaled in desperation, "We have to tell her soon otherwise she's gonna hide in that treehouse again and-!"
"Meredith!"
"What?"
"We got it," he grinned as he stepped forward and put his hands on her shoulders. He rubbed them gently, "We will talk to the sisters. They'll understand. I'll settle the accreditation program stuff. We'll talk to Ellis, it'll work out. You go to work and kick surgical ass. Okay?"
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe that everything would work out in their favor and that life would finally give them a damn break.
"I haven't scrubbed in on a surgery in a while," Meredith sighed as she tried to ground her anxious thoughts, "I think I'm having withdrawals."
Derek smiled as his thumbs gently grazed her cheeks.
"I know," he nodded before placing a kiss on her lips, "You sure you got Bailey and Zola? I can-"
"No, taking them is keeping my head on straight, I got them," she nodded before placing another kiss on his lips, "Thank you."
He smiled, "You sure you're okay? You need five almost perfect seconds?"
Derek leaned in to kiss her lips as she laughed gently. Five almost perfect seconds. A nearly forgotten memory of when the world was turning right on its axis. Those rare moments of perfect bliss had been harder and harder to find lately, she felt.
"No," Meredith laughed into the kiss, "I'm gonna be late if you-"
He kissed her again, "Stop thinking-"
"Oh no," Zola moaned as she entered the kitchen, "Can you two stop already? We get it! You don't get sick of each other."
"Yeah," Bailey agreed, "It's kind of gross now."
The parents laughed as they pulled apart.
"Well," Derek sighed, "That's it, we've hit a new milestone with these two. We're officially gross to them."
"Dad, you guys have been gross for a while," Zola deadpanned.
Bailey nodded, "We just don't say anything because we're nice."
"Oh really?" Derek asked with a slight humor in his voice, "Well your mom and I are just gonna be grosser and grosser, here we'll start now-"
"No!" The pair yelled in tandem as they watched their father pull their mother into arms to kiss her once more.
"Okay, we need to talk before we leave," Meredith laughed as she pushed him away, "Bailey, Dad told me you know. I'm sorry you had to overhear and we didn't get to tell you the truth."
Zola's head snapped from her parents to her brother, "Wait, you know? About Brookline?"
Derek eyed her carefully, trying to assess if his daughter would panic, if his son would react badly.
"Mmhm," Bailey shrugged, "I'm okay with it, I think. I mean I'm sad because my friends are here, but it'll be good. I get it."
Zola didn't know what came over her. The fact that she had been so worried that her brother would hate her for life? The fact that she had a family that had her back no matter what? That it could all vanish?
Zola reached for her brother and embraced him tightly.
"Thank you, Bailey," she whispered as she squeezed him.
Meredith turned to Derek and smiled. Something in this madness was truly right. And it was in the form of their son.
Bailey hugged her back quickly, "Okay, now we're gross."
Zola rolled her eyes as she pushed him away and grabbed her backpack.
"Okay, I hate to interrupt this gross moment between the siblings," Meredith sighed as she reached for her thermos, "But we gotta go. We can talk more in the car."
The siblings nodded and reached for their things.
When they were younger, Zola and Bailey bickered and fought. Often. Zola was protective. Bailey was over energetic. He was always ready to run. Zola walked, carefully. They were a yin and yang of sorts. Sometimes they loved each other and she'd hold his hand when they walked to the house from their car so "her brother wouldn't fall" Zola would say. And sometimes, they'd fight over toys.
And the bickering still happened. The parents were sure there would be fights over bathrooms and chores and who did this and who did that. But the thing they were so proud of, was how they'd grown to take care of one another. And how they also took care of their youngest sister.
Meredith didn't have that. She was an only child who had been self-described as terrible with sisters. Derek was known as the brother with a temper and a need to be the golden child. Overprotective and mom's right hand.
"You got everything?" Derek asked his kids, "You're not forgetting anything?"
Bailey shook his head, "All good. See you later dad!"
"Yeah we're good," Zola nodded as she turned to him with a smile, "See ya later, Dad! Love you!"
"Have a good day!" Dered shouted out before he turned to his wife, "Want to be gross one last time?"
Meredith sighed before wrapping one arm around his neck and pecking his lips one last time, "I'll see you at work."
He watched as she turned to him one last time from the door, "Ellis, please. She needs to be ready soon!"
"I got her, I promise," he smiled as she grinned at him one final time before shutting the door behind her.
He wouldn't tell her but he worried for her. He had heard her toss and turn all night. He felt her try to fall asleep with her head on his chest- a habit she'd formed after many accidents between the pair. He'd gotten up once when his eyes snapped open to find an empty bed and had seen her sitting on the porch staring off into the sunrise with a journal in her hand.
Her mind had been wandering and he knew there was little he could do.
Derek made his way down the hall and knocked on the first bedroom door, "Ellie-Belle? Time for school, baby-girl, are you ready?"
"No," Ellis muttered as she released two coughs he was certain were forced, "I'm sick. I can't go to school!"
Derek furrowed his brows. If she had been sick and Meredith had noticed, she would've definitely mentioned it. She would've already taken her temperature and would have proceeded to give her something. She'd probably stay home and take care of her daughter herself.
Derek opened the door and leaned against the door frame,"You're sick?"
Ellis coughed as she pulled the blanket tighter against herself.
"Uh-huh," she coughed again, "See? I think I even have a fever. Look touch my forehead"
The little girl tightened her grip on her blankets as if trying to hide the fact that she was already dressed in a light yellow shirt and blue overalls.
Derek reached to touch her forehead and resisted the urge to laugh at her antics, "You know, I am a doctor. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it but I can tell when a munchkin like you is sick, and you do not seem sick to me."
"I am too," Ellis grumbled, "I don't feel good."
Derek shook his head, "Momma said you overslept. You never oversleep for school."
"I told you," Ellis blinked forcefully trying to get her point across, "I'm. Sick."
"Ellis," Derek shook his head. He noticed how he used the same tone when he tried to get his wife to spit out the truth.
I usually just say 'Meredith' and then you yell at me.
"I just don't want to go to school today!" Ellis exclaimed as she pushed the comforter away and stood on her bed, meeting his eye level, "Please? Daddy, can I please go to work with you?"
Had this been a few years ago, he was sure he'd fall for it. Hell he was ready to render to her completely and let her get away with missing school now with the little pout she was doing and the doey green eyes she was giving him, but he knew better.
"Ellis, you gotta go to school. You've missed a lot when we were at Nana's," Derek shook his head,"Is something going on at school? Something you want to tell me?"
Ellis shook her head adamantly, "I just want to stay in my treehouse. I want to go to work with you."
No. Something wasn't registering in his head and something wasn't right. Ellis loved school. She looked forward to meeting teachers and seeing her friends every autumn. She looked forward to coming home and telling him all about what she'd learn and even though she'd sluggishly do it, homework was done quickly and efficiently. Grades were good and teachers loved her. Genuinely.
"I'm not buying it," Derek shook his head, "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Ellis insisted, "Daddy, I really just want to spend the day with you."
Derek smiled and shook his head, "How about I pick you up from school today and you do your homework up in the treehouse, huh?"
Ellis entertained the offer in her mind quickly before grimacing and giving in, "Okay."
"Okay," he smiled, "C'mon, we're gonna be late!"
"And you're sure you're okay with this?" Meredith asked apprehensively through the rearview mirror as she pulled up to the drop-off zone, "You don't hate me or dad for moving?"
Bailey slammed his head on the headrest with an eye roll.
"Mom," he sighed, "I promise, it's okay. I get it. Zo would do the same if I was in her shoes."
"No I wouldn't," Zola teased. Bailey nudged the front seat, earning a slight giggle from his sister, "I would, Bailey. You know I would. How did you find out anyway?"
"Dad told me."
"Dad told you? I don't think he just told you," Zola scoffed, "C'mon tell the truth."
"I told you, you talk too loud when you're in the kitchen with mom," Bailey raised his brows in a very Shepherd-like way.
Meredith shook her head at the light banter between the pair. Sometimes they reminded her of Derek and Amelia. She wondered if this is what they were like at one point. Before the drugs and the alcohol, the ego and the jobs. Maybe this dynamic of having each other's backs was something they'd inherited from them.
She wasn't like that. Not always. She could still remember how she tried to push Lexie away as far as she could and how she initially rejected Maggie when she arrived in Seattle. By all accounts, she had been a terrible sister. Now, she was grateful for them and she missed Lexie more and more each day.
"Okay, well Ellie doesn't know yet, so we're gonna keep this to ourselves for now. We will talk to her soon," Meredith swallowed as she turned to him, "Bailey, you are a good brother. A really, really noble brother and a very good son."
He shrugged, "I know."
Meredith laughed. Shepherd confidence. He truly was his father's son.
"Okay, well, go to class," she smiled, "We'll see you at home later today."
The pair waved to their mother, exchanged goodbyes, and jumped off the car. Zola walked slowly as Bailey dashed towards the entryway.
Meredith watched them until they turned into small specks, camouflaging amongst them loads of preteens. A small part of her ached knowing that their lives were about to change. A part of her was frightened to know that the five of them would be going on a journey to the unknown. But the bigger side of her knew that this choice, as difficult as it was, was the right one.
But Meredith was notorious for hating change. Especially when the list of things to do only grew and grew every day.
A ring disrupted her thoughts. She reached her phone, knowing that an email would be waiting for her. Her eyes scanned the subject line. Meredith blinked, surprised at the words in the email.
"What the hell?" she muttered to herself.
A knock on her window startled her.
"You gotta keep moving! We got more cars coming up!"
Meredith stared at the woman kicking her from the drop-off curb.
How was she gonna move after reading that?
"Look who's that? Who's that?"
"Unc Der!"
Derek turned around at the familiar toddler voice and knelt down to his level, "Hey! There's my nephew! Where have you been, kid?"
Derek walked towards the toddler and offered his arms. Scout happily took them and giggled with glee as his uncle gently tossed him in the air.
"Oh I miss when mine were this small," he pressed a kiss to the top of his nephews head as he continued walking towards the direction of the hospital.
Amelia laughed, "No you don't. You just miss their cute voices and chubby faces. The rest of it? The tantrums? Not so much."
"That's partly true but just you wait until he grows up, you'll be saying the same thing," Derek laughed, "I just dropped off Ellis, but before we left, she didn't want to go to school. She said she was 'sick' and I knew better so I sent her anyway but a part of me just wanted to keep her home with me and watch movies all day."
"Oh that one is a handful," Amelia laughed, "She might be my protege on torturing you."
Derek shook his head. In many ways, Ellis' sneaky behavior reminded him of a younger Amelia.
"Hey, you," Derek poked the toddler's belly earning a giggle, "When did you start calling me Uncle Der? I thought I was still Dee. Huh?"
The boy giggled as his arms wrapped around his uncle's neck, "Unc Der"
"I'm Uncle Der," Derek smiled, proud at the new milestone. He turned to his sister and noticed her slightly worried brow, "How have you been? Haven't seen you in a few days."
"Maggie's case- the one she published- reminded me of Christopher," she sighed, "It's like the universe is throwing all these curveballs at me just to make me suffer. Reminding me of what I've lost and losing people it kinda feels like crap."
Derek held onto his nephew a little tighter. A gut instinct told him that he needed to be honest with her as soon as possible but how was he going to tell her that he was ready to move forward and away from Seattle?
He'd be packing up his bags, his wife, and children and moving across the country once more. Thousands and thousands of miles away.
"Amy-"
"Hey, Meredith sent me a picture of that giant treehouse," Amelia bombarded him, "How the hell did you pull that off?"
"Oh Ellis is insistent and I really wanted to finish it for her," he explained, "They refused to get down last night."
"That would've been pretty cool to have as a kid," Amelia laughed, "I probably would've hid in there and done all sorts of stuff."
"Now I know where Ellis gets that from," he laughed, "You should stop by and see it, Zola went out with Mer to find things to decorate the whole thing and Bailey helped build it. They'd love to have someone to show it off to."
Amelia laughed. If someone would've told her that she'd be bonding with her brother over raising children, she would've laughed. She would've said that there was no way her brother would be sharing parenting advice or even listen to her woes in parenting. She would've assumed he'd be judging her and telling her she was doing it all wrong- just like surgery. But even he had to admit that parenting came with no how-to pamphlet.
"They are good siblings," Amelia sighed, "I remember when Bailey would steal the girls' plushies and Ellis 'accidently' broke his Buzz Lightyear in return. Your house was a war zone for kids."
Derek laughed heartily.
"Do you think he'd look like him?" she reached for his blonde tresses and gently caressed them, "I think he'd have my blue eyes like Scout or maybe Ryan's dark eyes but I don't know. It's hard to picture him sometimes."
Amelia smiled as her son happily giggled in his uncle's arms, "I think he would've been such a good brother."
Derek's heart sank. The pain his sister felt was one he couldn't even imagine. All those years ago, he didn't have time to fully come to terms with the fact that Meredith had discovered she'd been pregnant and had suffered a miscarriage in the course of one day. He'd been too caught up in his own mess- and a gunshot wound- to realize it. But Amy had held her son. She'd carried it to term and made a painful decision.
He couldn't be the one to add to her pain. Not today.
"I think," Derek sighed, "He'd look just like you."
"This protocol is making Diane so sick that her esophagus tore!," Meredith followed Maggie to the attending's bathroom where she continued to pack her bag.
"You don't get it!" Maggie yelled, "I love my mother enough not to say 'screw it' and throw her down a damn drain!"
Maggie turned on her heels and stomped out of the room, brushing past Derek who had just entered the room and stopped at the sight of the sisters fighting.
Meredith breathed heavily as she processed the words her sister had spat at her.
"Meredith?" Derek asked, "Mer?"
"Don't!" she tried to push past him until he held her back and closed the door behind him, "No, Derek, let me go, just don't-!"
"She didn't mean it," he whispered, "She didn't mean what she said, she is hurting. She is losing her mother and she is hurting. She didn't mean to hurt you."
Meredith dug her fingers into his arms and she relinquished control. She hurt. Not for herself. But for her sister who was losing the woman she loved most in this world. And the woman who loved her back even more.
"I wanted to help her," Meredith sniffed, "I wanted to save her for Maggie, I wanted-"
"I know," Derek whispered as he caressed her hair, "I know you did."
She'd been in her office for at least an hour now. She'd been sitting in that damn office reading the damn thing on her screen over and over and over again.
Dear Dr. Meredith Grey,
Please accept this as official notice of my resignation as Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery and Attending Surgeon at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. It has been nothing but an honor to have worked, collaborated, and learned from and by such an accomplished body of world class surgeons. I am certain that my position will be filled by an exceptional surgeon and can only hope that my future ventures in Chicago are as successful as they have been here.
I would like to help in any way I can in the transition.
Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Margaret Pierce, M.D, F.A.C.S.
Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery
Grey Sloan Memorial
Meredith stared at the letter. This must've been the hundredth time she'd read it and no matter what, she still could not believe it. It didn't register in her mind that Maggie Pierce was leaving Grey Sloan.
Maggie Pierce was leaving Seattle.
Maggie Pierce was leaving Grey Sloan Memorial.
Maggie Pierce was leaving.
The door of her office burst open with a bubbly Maggie making her way in, "Hey, you-"
Maggie's smile dropped, "Oh God, you read it."
"You accepted the job in Chicago," Meredith clenched her jaw, "You're leaving Grey Sloan."
Maggie stuffed her hands in her lab coat's pockets, "I didn't mean to send that. It was an accident, I wanted to talk to you and Amelia about it first but-"
"I asked you about this and you said-"
"Woah, wait, hang on!" Maggie shook her head, "You have been out in other states searching for a school for your daughter! For all I know, you and Derek have already decided to-"
"The difference between us is that I was very clear with you about my intentions. I approached you the second I got off a phone call with The Heart Center and you said you would tell me if you were considering this," Meredith stood her ground, "Or was that all just some crap you-"
"I wasn't going to take it, I didn't think I would!" Maggie yelled back, "But then I-I thought about it! And I thought about where I stand with Winston! And I thought of you and I have to give myself this chance Meredith! I have to-"
"What about your marriage, huh? Winston? What about him?"
"He's not going," Maggie gulped, "So please save me the big speech about you and Derek are the freaking couple of the century and how your freaking post-it saved it because my marriage isn't the same!"
Meredith could feel the tears brimming in her eyes, "You gave me so much crap when a job was offered in Minnesota-"
"I knew you were gonna be angry-"
"No Maggie! I'm not just angry! I am pissed! You had the nerve to yell at me for wanting to leave Seattle for a job and I stayed! You said I wasn't loyal! You-"
"I didn't stop you! You chose to stay!"
"Except you did! Along with Richard and Bailey and every single person who called me a traitor!"
"Meredith-"
"I thought you'd have the decency and that you cared about me enough to tell me to my face," Meredith quietly muttered.
Maggie gripped the chair in front of her tightly. She could count on her fingers the amount of times she and her sister had fought to the point of yelling at each other.
Meredith grabbed her tablet and left her office. The echo of the office resounding loudly.
Maggie Pierce was leaving Seattle.
Maggie Pierce was leaving Grey Sloan Memorial.
Maggie Pierce was leaving.
Meredith stared at the tablet in front of her and tapped on it as the words echoed in her mind. So much was changing in such a short time and she wasn't sure she could completely handle it now.
"Hey," Derek's cheery voice interrupted her thoughts as he greeted her with a chaste kiss to her cheek, "How was your morning? Are you feeling better?"
"I'm busy," she quickly glanced at him and stared down at the tablet to continue tapping away.
"You okay?" his brows furrowed as he tried to examine her expressions, "Something happened?"
"I'm fine," she rolled her eyes, "Did you need anything, Dr. Shepherd?"
Ah, Derek thought. He was Dr. Shepherd right now. Things were tense in her mind and there was no way he was going to break her. Not that he should, she was the chief after all.
"Sorry, Chief," Derek studied her face as he shook his head, "I just got an email from the accreditation program. Jamara Blake? She wants to come in and do an initial review of the program before we begin the clearance process to get off of probation."
"What?" Meredith's head snapped up, "You just got this now?"
She hadn't expected any news any time soon. She wanted to have time to update any discrepancies in protocols and maybe hand the program off to the next chief for clearance. Now, it was just another thing added to her never empty plate.
"Yes," he nodded, "I forwarded the email earlier, I thought you would've seen it by-"
"I had other stuff going on, Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes, "What is she looking for?"
"Everything we missed last time," he sighed, "A full staff, updated protocols, well-being of patients, ranking, and programs for the interns' wellbeing-"
"Okay," Meredith slammed her head into her hands before turning to him, "Are we ready for this? Is our program ready for her to come in or are we still a sinking ship?"
She'd placed this in his hands after seeing how he had been Bailey's right hand throughout the previous process. He'd tried everything to save what he could. And had been frustrated at the fact that the chance to save the program had slipped through her fingers.
"No, we're still afloat," he assured her, "I do need to talk to you about certain details at a later time when you're less busy but we're ready for her."
Meredith bit her lip. When the hell would she ever be less busy?
She sighed, "Okay, I'll schedule a meeting with the attendings so you can go over whatever you need to with them. Everyone should be at their A-game for this. I don't want any mistakes."
"You got it," Derek tapped once on the counter and nodded. He pushed himself off and walked down the hallway, concerned for his wife once more. She was fine this morning and suddenly it was a flip of the switch. Perhaps the lack of sleep, he thought.
"Hey, Shepherd, you got a minute?"
Derek turned around and nodded at Winston who caught up to him, "Yeah, what's up?"
"I have a patient who I operated on this morning and she's possibly presenting with a bleed, can you check out the scans? I think it's chronic subdural but I want to clear my bases."
Derek nodded as he took the tablet from him, "You're right. It'll reabsorb itself but I can send an intern to get her in for another CT in an hour. We'll play it safe."
"I appreciate that," Winston nodded, "Hey uh, I hope I'm not overstepping here but can I ask you something? About you and Meredith?"
Derek shakily laughed as he moved to continue his way down the hall, "Yeah?"
"A while ago, you mentioned you took a job out of state and Meredith stayed behind? Back when you worked at the NIH in D.C.? That's the one?"
Derek winced. That damn city always came to haunt him no matter what.
"Okay you might be overstepping-"
"I just wanted to, I mean," Winston sighed desperately, "How did you make it work?"
"We didn't," Derek swallowed, "I've made a lot of mistakes in life but taking that job was the biggest one I've made. I left out of spite, because she told me to go and she didn't mean it but-"
Derek sighed. It was complicated to explain. Too complicated.
"Why are you asking me this? What's going on?"
Winston frowned in disappointment. It wasn't the answer he was looking for.
"Maggie got offered a job in Chicago," he explained, "Actually she got multiple offers out in the east coast but Chicago is the frontrunner."
"She what?" Derek furrowed his brows together.
"Yeah," Winston shook his head, "I moved out here for her. I left a pretty good job out there and I don't regret it, but-"
"She's taking the job," a sudden realization hit Derek. It's why Meredith had been distant just a few minutes ago, "She's leaving for Chicago."
"We can't make it work," he shrugged, "She doesn't respect me, I mean you read the article, you read what she said. I think this move might be it."
Derek did his best to bite his tongue, "Winston-"
"She called me a coward. She said I disappear and protect myself," he shook his head, "We're not gonna make it."
"I can't give you any advice here because my wife told me a few weeks ago that I push her away when crap happens and she's right," he sighed, "So, you two need to know if you want the same thing. If you don't, it's not gonna work. And you're not gonna know if you're here talking to me about it."
Winston sighed, "You're saying we need to talk it out."
Derek stood in the elevator, "Yeah, you need to talk to her."
"You can be honest you know," Amelia blurted as she entered the scan room, "My brother hired someone to build that treehouse. You could say it."
"Amelia-" Meredith muttered as she rubbed her temple. The headache she'd been feeling since she'd heard Derek's news just wouldn't go away.
"Why is it so dark in here?" Amelia hit the switch and turned to her sister, sitting on the couch, "You okay?"
Meredith shook her head, "No. I'm not."
"What's wrong?"
Meredith turned to stare at her, "Don't pretend you don't know. I know you do. Maggie trusts you with everything she does with you first."
"Know what?" Amelia furrowed her brows, "What's going on? Are the kids okay? Is Derek okay? Oh my god, please don't tell me he also has a secret tumor-"
"Amelia," Meredith gritted, "When were you gonna tell me that Maggie had accepted a job in Chicago?"
It was as if the Earth had shifted right under her feet. Amelia froze in place as she tried to register Meredith's words.
"She what?" Amelia asked incredulously, "Meredith, what are you talking about?"
"I got a call last week from the Heart Center in Chicago asking me for references because they were interested in Dr. Margaret Pierce. 'She'd make a fine addition to their surgical staff,' they said," Meredith rolled her eyes, "They wanted to give her a lab with research for-"
"Meredith," Amelia sighed, "It's the article she published. Every time she publishes she gets offers from everywhere. You can't just assume-"
"So then why is there a letter of resignation in my inbox and why didn't she deny it this morning?"
Amelia blinked, "So it's real, she's leaving?"
In the past whatever years it'd been, the trio had been inseparable. To have one of them leave was a heartbreak Amelia wasn't so sure she could recover from easily.
"I yelled at her this morning about it and she didn't deny it," Meredith buried her face again in her hands before continuing, "I don't feel particularly proud about it before you yell at me about it."
Amelia shuffled. It was as if someone had thrown another rock at her and waited for her to fall on the floor to point and laugh. She began to psvr around the room as a sudden realization hit her. Derek had tried to tell her something. Derek and Meredith had been looking for schools for their daughter. They'd gone so far to New York and Boston and all she'd heard was about his fights with their sisters and some peace between himself and their mother.
She needed to know the truth and Meredith would have no choice but to tell her now.
"Are you and Derek leaving?"
Meredith's head snapped up to look at her, "What?"
"Are you leaving? To New York or Boston? Because you just told me that Maggie is leaving for Chicago and Kai is gone and now I-I-I need to know if you and Derek and the kids are leaving me-"
"Have you talked to Derek?" Meredith clenched her hands in her fist, hoping and praying he'd gotten a chance to say his piece.
"You haven't denied it," Amelia swallowed and blinked rapidly. Her chest hurt as the truth made it's uncomfortable stay on her chest, "Oh my god, you haven't denied it because you are. I can't- Meredith, when were you going to-"
"Amy, Derek wanted to-"
"No!" Amelia yelled back, "It's Amelia!"
She turned on her heels and slammed the door behind her.
Meredith walked into the waiting room. She stopped at the door frame and stared at the figure sitting. His head in his hands, pulling at the curls, his foot shaking nonstop.
She sat on the chair next to him and rubbed his back gently, "Have you slept?"
"Mm-mh," he shook his head.
"Did you eat? Do you want me to bring-"
"I'm not hungry," he swallowed as he kept his sight down.
Amelia had been in his place years ago. Not that she had cared then. Back then, Meredith was too lost in her own grief to even realize the pain Amelia was going through.
"She's gonna come out of this," Meredith whispered as she leaned her forehead against his head, "the surgery went fi-"
"She hasn't woken up," he turned to her, "If she doesn't wake up-"
"She will," she squeezed his arm, "She will wake up."
"What if she doesn't? She could have a stroke, she could seize, he could've nicked a vessel and she could bleed out, it's a complicated tumor and what if- what if this is all she gets? What am I gonna tell my mom-"
"Okay, we're not gonna think about that right now," she whispered, "Amelia is gonna wake up. And she'll be back in the OR performing surgery in no time. I know it. I believe it."
She placed one hand on his right cheek and leaned in to press her lips on the left, holding him close and trying to chase the scary thoughts away. The truth was, that she too was terrified of not seeing her sister wake up.
"Dr. Shepherd? Dr. Grey?"
Their heads snapped up to the resident standing on the doorway. Both of their breaths stopped.
"She's awake. And she's asking for you."
—
"When the hell were you gonna tell me?" Amelia burst in through the office and slammed the door behind her.
"What are you talking about?" Derek looked up at her. He noticed the rage in her blue eyes. The way her nostrils flared and her hands were clenched up in fists. It'd been years since this type of rage was directed at him. Derek searched his sisters eyes for any indication as to why she was so furious, but even he wasn't too naive to sense that she now knew the truth, "Amy-"
"You're leaving for Boston. When the hell were you going to tell me? Were you even going to tell me? Or were you just gonna pack up and leave like you did when you left to Maine-"
"Amy-" Derek stood from behind his desk and tried to make his way towards her only for her to step back, marking a clear line between the two.
"No! I thought things were different! I thought you and I were different but you're back to hiding things from me and pushing me away!"
"You know why we went to New York!" Derek yelled back, "You know why we went to Boston! We didn't hide anything from you! I didn't hide anything! You know that Meredith and I are trying to do what's best-"
"For who? For you?" Amelia scoffed, "You can cut the crap with me Derek. You're running like you always do."
They had a tendency to run. As fast as they could and as far as they could. It was their specialty. Something else the pair had in common. A need to run when the scary things happened.
"I'm doing this for my children, Amy!" Derek firmly stated, "You were the one who told me to make things right back home. I did. And now I have to make things right with my family, with my wife, and my kids. And that means if that means I have to move my kids out of here then that's a choice I will make with my wife!"
"And she gets to call all the shots again right?" Amelia gritted, knowing fully well she was digging up an argument left in the past, "You've known for weeks you were leaving, you let me go on and on-"
Derek exhaled before calmly trying to step near her "Amy-"
"No! Screw you! And screw your wife and every single time you told me you wouldn't leave me like you always have," gritted as she stepped away, "You lied! You didn't tell me! You didn't tell me and I trusted you all this time and I told you I felt lonely and you knew you were leaving! I told you all about- ugh!"
"Amelia!" he called out to no avail as she stormed out of the office.
Derek rubbed his face with his hands as she watched how she pushed past a body who was clearly about to make his way into his office. Derek froze. This person had heard everything. Everything he wasn't ready to tell him because he too had been abandoned by him years ago, and he was just beginning to make amends.
"What does she mean 'you're leaving'?" Lucas brows furrowed as he blinked in confusion.
Derek blinked, "Lucas-"
"No, uh, now's not a good, Dr. Ndugu asked me to tell you CT scans were ready," Lucas stammered, "I gotta go."
"Shep!" Derek called out. He hurried after him only to see him dash into the elevator and press onto the button.
Closing any chance to reach him.
"Why does Amy know about Boston?" Derek slammed the door behind him as he walked into the chief's office, "I thought you were going to let me tell her?"
"Your personal problems with your sister have nothing to do with me," Meredith muttered as she slammed the drawer shut. She took a bottle of Advil out and swallowed a pill with no water.
"You said you'd give me a chance to talk to her, Meredith. How did she find out?" Derek leaned on the chair in front of her.
"She put it together, Derek!" Meredith stood up and met his eyes angrily, "You had all freaking morning to tell her. You said you'd tell her! It's not my fault you didn't do anything!"
"What is this about? You've been pissed all morning and you took it out on me at the nurse's station," Derek raised his voice, "Is this because you found out Maggie took a job in Chicago?"
Meredith scoffed, "Believe it or not Derek, I'm running a freaking hospital! Everything doesn't revolve around you or Maggie or Amelia!"
"No it doesn't and you're right, I should've told her earlier," Derek placed both hands on his hips. His voice lowered knowing they were both riding on high emotions they couldn't simply control, "Winston told me this morning about Maggie. After I spoke to you. I'm assuming she told you right before. It's why you were angry. Is it true?"
Meredith swallowed. There was no point in lying to him, not when he knew so much already, "She put in her notice this morning. I got an email with her resignation letter."
"What?"
"She said she didn't mean to send it and I took it out on Amy thinking she knew and then she asked if we were leaving," Meredith shook her head, "It's how she pieced it together. She just-"
Meredith exhaled loudly as she slammed her head onto her hands.
Derek watched her carefully, "When's the last time you ate-"
"This morning at home-"
"Stop lying, the only dishes in the sink were the bowls the kids used," he shook his head as he reached for the thermos. Still full, he deemed it, "You didn't sleep last night."
"I'm fine," she lied again, "I'm just-"
A knock in the door interrupted her before she could respond, "Dr. Grey? Oh, Dr. Shepherd, I'm so sorry for interrupting, but there's a call for you or Dr. Shepherd, actually. It's from your daughter's school."
"Which one?" they asked in tandem.
"Uh, Ellis," the woman answered, "They'd like to meet with you before the school day ends."
"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey, thank you so much for meeting with me on such short notice," the lithe woman invited them into the classroom and motioned to two chairs in a kidney table set up against a wall. They stepped in hesitantly, both quickly glancing at the opposite window where their daughter was. Sitting on a swing reading a book.
"Is Ellis okay?" Meredith asked anxiously as she sat down, "Is Ellis okay?"
"Oh she's great, I mean," Ms. Matthews sighed, "Is everything okay at home? Are you two okay? I don't mean to pry it's just I know you both have very busy jobs and they're immensely commendable-"
"Ms. Matthews, my wife and I spent every second we possibly can with our kids," Derek shook his head, "If you're about to insinuate that we don't-"
"I know, I know," Ms. Matthew sighed before smiling, "Ellis comes to school every Monday talking about how you all go fishing, and the ferryboats, and the pizza, and the hikes, I mean she can go on and on about it during our sharing time on Monday mornings."
The teacher laughed before turning serious, "I just had to ask because she's also quite social. She has friends in every class in her grade level. And I know she hit a bump in the road after her brother's accident. It's normal for children to have bursts at school when things like this happen-"
Bailey, you're alive!
Meredith shook the image of her daughter running to her brother out of her mind, "He's much better now and she's been really good at home. She hasn't had any outbursts there."
"Neither here. And she was very enthusiastic about school when you returned from your trip," she swallowed, "In fact, she tried so hard to make amends when she returned with all her classmates- we had a big conversation. She apologized profusely and gave out letters. But today, she didn't even try to play during recess. She asked if she could stay in and help me with anything like tidying up or setting up. She asked if she could have lunch with me."
The parents quickly eyed each other as they took in their words. Their boisterous, joyful, social Ellis wasn't her normal self.
"I wouldn't mind it at all but it's quite unusual for her to stay in and not be with her friends. I asked if anything was bothering her, I offered some of my own snacks and a couple treats to see if it'd win over any secrets but I got nothing."
"You're concerned she doesn't have any friends," Derek pieced together.
"The playdate," Meredith grabbed his hand, "She was off that night remember? She said she didn't want to talk about it but she was upset. She was very upset."
"Can I ask who she had a playdate with?" the teacher asked.
"Morgan uh, I forget her last name," Meredith exhaled as she mentally kicked herself for not knowing such a basic thing.
Ms. Matthews nodded, "It's interesting, they haven't really been friends lately and they were at one point."
Meredith rubbed her forehead again, feeling the migraine creep up again.
"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," Ms. Matthews continued, "Ellis is quite a bright kid. She's so inquisitive and is immensely kind. I just worry that she's scared to tell any one of us the truth. And from what I hear, you two have magic powers with her."
Sure. Except they both felt that those magic powers had dimmed lately.
"No one warned us. No one told us it'd be this hard," Derek muttered as he sat next to his wife on a bench in the schoolyard. They watched as their daughter quietly swung with the book in her hand. She was nearly done with it and clearly hadn't noticed them at all.
"We think we're getting the grip of things and suddenly we're hitting the ground all over again," Meredith muttered, "Something happened at that playdate."
Ellis had been upset when she jumped in the car and when her family had tried to ask what was wrong, she refused to explain anything. And then her treehouse took her attention and life just moved forward.
"You think the other two know anything?"
"Maybe" Meredith shrugged, "If they do, they're gonna keep it tightly shut and one of us is gonna need to break them to tell."
Derek shook his head, "That's not gonna happen. You saw them this morning."
There was a truce between the siblings. One Meredith and Derek didn't expect. Meredith had been proud of how open Bailey was for his sister. And she'd been proud of how she'd protected him and watched out for him after his accident. They had taught her a few lessons in sibling relationships today. Reminding her of the painful strain she had with her sisters right now.
"Sorry about Amy," Meredith whispered as she turned to look at him, "I didn't think she'd ask about us and I was angry and thought I knew about Maggie."
"I know," Derek sighed, "It's just that Lucas overheard as she stormed out of the office. He had that look he'd get as a kid whenever his mom took him home. I tried to talk to him but he just left."
Meredith watched as he stared at their daughter. She hadn't noticed them sitting on the bench, still very invested in the book. Her blond locks hung loosely around her frame as she looked down at the book.
He suddenly turned to her, "Sorry about Maggie."
"Me too," she whispered before swallowing a lump in her throat, "I'm not mad that she's leaving. I-I'm proud of her. She's worked hard for the last whatever years she's been here and she deserves the recognition. But, I just didn't think..It's just…ugh."
"You're scared," Derek finished for her. He knew his wife very well. He knew that changes like these were not always something she reacted well to.
She closed her eyes and exhaled, "Everything's changing. People are leaving- we're leaving- and I-"
"You don't want to leave?" Derek asked as he tried to decipher her, "Is that it?"
"No, No! It's not that. We need this. Our kids need this," she exhaled, "I just don't like this feeling of not knowing what's next, you know?"
Change was scary. Change was important. The opportunity for a change came very rarely and it often came with a door to start over. To press restart and learn from the mistakes that were made. And in some ways, she wanted to look at their big change in such a way. But sometimes, the small feeling of doubt crept in and she wanted to take it all back.
But Meredith wasn't the same young, naive, intern that once stepped through the doors of Seattle Grace. She had grown into a world-class surgeon, climbed up the latter and became chief. She'd formed a family with a man she wouldn't let love her. She'd opened her life to so much.
Was it really so hard to change once more?
"You never have, Mer," Derek snorted, "And that's fine, I get it. You had a big change when you were a kid- when you were like her-"
He motioned to the blonde girl sitting on the swings. A part of him imagined Meredith had been somewhat similar at her age.
"Your mom flipped your life upside down in the blink of an eye. She took you to a different state, hid out in an apartment, and you were so taken aback you just blocked it all out," he shrugged, "It's why you hate change. It's why you didn't want to leave for Boston when you finished your residency all those years ago."
Meredith stared at him. Damn Derek Shepherd and his ability to know her well. Even when she thought he didn't understand her, he did. He knew the darkness, the twistiness, the brightness, and the resilience had formed her. That the world wasn't always so black and white for her and he had accepted that just as much as she had accepted his need for making the 'right' choice.
They just…made sense together.
"You really need to go back to therapy," Meredith raised her brow as she leaned her head on his shoulder with an exhale.
Derek chuckled, "Yeah, I do."
A brief moment of silence passed between the two as they watched their daughter.
"Maybe we should've left then," Meredith mumbled, "They would've had a whole other life."
He turned to her and noticed the slight pout on her face. He knew what she meant. They should've left for Boston when they both had a chance to. She would've ran from the pain Lexie's death had left and he would've left the pain that Mark's absence left as well. They would've never stayed in a city where a sister suddenly showed up and where another moved her whole life to.
This life they had could have once been very different.
He pushed back a stray hair behind her ear, "You need to talk to her. You need to talk to Maggie and make it right."
Meredith moved her head and sat up straight, "Get off your soapbox, you're fighting with your sister too-"
"Yeah, but that's not new to us," he shook his head, "We've had worse fights than this- and this one's gonna go on for a while I can feel it- but we'll work it out. You, on the other hand, need to talk to Maggie soon. Before she leaves and you don't get a chance to tell her."
Like Lexie. Before she left and Meredith didn't get a chance to say sorry for all the times she hadn't been her sister. She didn't get a chance to tell her she loved her. And that she had been the best thing to happen after the mess with Thatcher.
Her sister had been the greatest thing Thatcher could have given her.
Meredith sighed as she kept her gaze out to the swing set.
The small girl's head popped up and spotted them. Ellis smiled brightly before she quickly grabbed her backpack and ran to them.
"How long have you been there?" she shouted excitedly as she reached them. She dropped her backpack at their feet, standing happily in front of the pair.
"For a while," Meredith sighed, relieved at her daughter's presence, "We practically watched you devour the whole book. Why aren't you playing with your friends?"
"It's a good book," Ellis shrugged as she tapped her fingers on the cover.
Something didn't sit right with the parents.
"This morning you didn't want to come to school,'' Derek shook his head, "You were sick and now we're here because you didn't want to play during your recess time. Your teacher is worried and so are we."
Ellis looked down at the book in her hands.
"We know you, Ellie-Belle," Meredith whispered, "What's going on?
"No one wants to be my friend," she confessed. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she twitched her nose, "They say I was mean to them and that I hurt their feelings. I said I was sorry but they're worried that I'm still going to be mean."
"Oh, Ellis," Meredith pulled her into her arms and embraced her tightly, not knowing who needed the hug more. Her or her daughter, "Sweetie, why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want you to worry. Bailey had gotten better and Zola hadn't had any-" Ellis shrugged, before looking up at her parents with tears in her eyes, "I wanted to be good again. I wanted to start over."
Meredith gripped her daughter in her arms tightly before pulling back, "You are good. You are very good. You have always been good."
"You made mistakes," Derek whispered as his daughter reached to hug him too, "We all make them. It doesn't mean you're bad and it doesn't mean all of this is your fault."
Ellis nodded.
Perhaps she didn't fully understand the weight of their words now, but perhaps later when she'd make the stupid mistakes only young adults would, these words would echo in the back of her mind.
At least that's what the parents hoped.
Because a lifetime of thinking that there was no way back from being bad was a cruel weight to carry for a lifetime.
She should've gone home.
She should've left in the car with Ellis and Derek to pick up Zola and Bailey and gone home. She shouldn't have returned to the hospital to finish up the stupid budget report.
But if they were really going to leave, she couldn't just leave the hospital sink. Not when so much was riding on the line.
"Grey," Miranda stood at the door of her office, "You got a minute?"
Meredith looked up and blinked, "Yeah, come in."
Miranda closed the door behind her and studied her mentee closely, "Mm, you look worse than me. I thought I had a day."
"Ellis is having a terrible time at school. Zola and Bailey are coming to terms with some things and ugh, it's just been a day," Meredith sighed, "How the hell did you do it when you were chief."
"It's a delicate balancing act," Miranda sighed, "Sometimes you'll screw it up and there's nothing you can do."
"That's a very honest answer."
"I can lie and say it's easy but it's not," Miranda shrugged, "Uh, listen I hate to bother you with this but the doxxing is getting worse and I promised Ben that I'd talk to you about more security. And an escort to my car when I left this place."
"I saw him last week waiting for you on my way out," Meredith nodded, "Are you still getting calls from unknown numbers?"
Bailey nodded tiredly, "Indeed I am. Listen, I don't need you to do anything big right now, if it gets worse I will-"
"I'll get security for you and talk to the board about hiring something or talking to someone to look out at your house. I don't want this to worsen. You should consider staying elsewhere for a bit," Meredith reached for a post-it to write, "But I've got you, tell Ben not to worry."
Miranda nodded and stood from the chair. Meredith watched as she made her way out the door tiredly. She turned to her once more.
"You know," Miranda smiled, "I used to think that I had to be here all the time to keep this place running, but it took time from Tuck that I'm not getting back. And it burned me out, it's why I quit."
"Days like today make me want to quit," Meredith answered, "They make me feel like I'm not doing anything right."
"You don't come in on weekends- if you do it's because that husband of yours takes the kids out fishing, I know because sometimes Ben and the boys will tag along- and those kids some of the happiest and healthiest kids I've seen," Miranda smiled, "Being a wife, a mother, a professional is such a position, even with all they got going on, I see it. I see how you try and succeed. You're doing something right."
Miranda Bailey very rarely gave compliments. And when she did, she meant it with all her heart. She had a lot of that even if her past nickname indicated otherwise.
"Thank you, Miranda," Meredith smiled, not knowing she needed the small nudge of validation
"Dr. Bailey?"
She turned back one final time.
"You did well too," Meredith smiled, "With all your kids."
"What are you doing on the old swing?"
Maggie shrugged, "Can we really call it a swing if it doesn't actually swing anymore?"
Meredith laughed as she stepped forward and removed an old nail, "I used to uh, catch my fingers here as a kid apparently and Thatcher put this here."
She sat on the swing next to her and slightly swung, "I went to your place and Winston said you hadn't been staying there all week. You haven't been staying there for a while."
Maggie nodded, "I think we got married too soon. We got tangled in this idea that we were always meant to be together and we had each other when we were both so lonely and we got married. We got married without knowing each other."
Meredith sighed.
"Did you know Derek well enough when you signed your post-it?"
Amelia had once asked her that. She refused to answer, claiming she wouldn't get involved between her and Owen.
"We had seen the darkest sides of each other," Meredith swallowed, "He'd seen me in my darkest and I'd seen him in his. We knew what we were getting into"
Maggie shook her head, "He said I was like Ellis. That I was cold."
"Oh," Meredith rolled her eyes, "Derek said that once. About me. I wanted to punch him in the face."
"You're not like Ellis," Maggie turned to her, "I mean, I didn't know her but from what I heard, I know you are not cold."
"But I am ambitious like she was," Meredith swallowed, "I just don't like it getting in the way of loving the people I love. My sisters, my friends, my husband, my kids. I want that, she just didn't want any of it and that was a choice she made."
"She wanted Richard," Maggie shrugged, "Didn't she?"
"She did," Meredith sighed, "They were just too stubborn and too ambitious to set their jobs aside. And she wanted her career more than anything."
"Coldness is in our genes," Maggie shook her head, "It's in mine at least, you lucked out."
Meredith's head snapped towards her.
"Maggie," she cried, "You are anything but cold. Just because you want this job, it doesn't make you cold. You wouldn't be so heartbroken about Winston and you wouldn't know he also needed to chase his dreams if you were cold."
Maggie hummed.
"You tried," Meredith sighed, "That's more than most can say. It's more than what Ellis can say."
It didn't quite convince her sister, she could tell. Ellis Grey and her tendency to loom over them was sometimes greater than anyone could imagine.
Long ago, Meredith had chosen to turn away from the coldness Ellis Grey had been notorious for. Some called it focus, a tool she used to stay in control of the gift she'd been given. Some said she just couldn't balance.
Meredith chose to believe that she did the best she could because deep down, children and families weren't something Ellis Grey had in her cards for life. It was ordinary. And when Meredith had felt, for the first time ever, that she had found a great love Ellis had yelled out those cruel, cold words at her.
Listen to me, Meredith! Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy, but not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life! I raised you to be an extraordinary human being, so imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you're no more than ordinary! What happened to you?
It would be the last lucid thing she would hear from her mother. Meredith would not let any cruel words be the last anyone ever heard from her.
"Maggie, I was mean to you," Meredith whispered, "I shouldn't have yelled at you about Chicago, I'm sorry."
"Thanks," Maggie sighed, "I'm sorry that you found out the way you did. I should've been honest from the beginning and I should've told you that I was interested in the job."
Meredith nodded, "I got scared. I don't know why but I didn't think that I'd be leaving Seattle and that suddenly you wouldn't be here."
"Wait," Maggie straightened, "You're leaving? You're leaving Seattle?"
Meredith swallowed a lump, "Zola loved a school out there. And Derek and I both have job offers that are too tempting to pass on."
"Wow," Maggie blinked, "I mean, I knew it was likely going to happen, especially after Zola's panic attacks but this time, you are really leaving!"
"We might back out, we tend to do that! We have a history of threatening to leave and then staying with no good reason as to why we stay."
They laughed together.
"Are you ready to leave? Are you really ready? I mean you've had chances before and even years before I got here, you were supposed to leave right?"
"I'm ready," Meredith sighed, "This time it just feels like it's the right move."
"I'm not just chasing a job, I'm not being a trailing spouse, and I'm not running away from anything or anyone. I'm choosing to start again with my kids and my husband. I'm making a choice to give us a second chance and give those kids everything I did not have."
"Spoken like a good mom," Maggie proudly whispered, "I think you're making the right choice. I think Zola needs this and I think you and Derek have been through enough here."
"Chicago is good, too. They're very lucky to have you. You're an excellent surgeon," Meredith smiled.
"I am, aren't I," Maggie joked.
The sisters laughed.
"Huh," Maggie wistfully muttered.
"What?"
"You don't think it's funny?" Maggie turned to her, "I left Boston, left my amazing parents who gave me what should've been the example of a near perfect family and now I am leaving Seattle because I chose my career. I'm okay with it because I have a family I love, a little unconventional but they get why I'm leaving."
"Okay?"
"And you, who was raised by someone who only wanted her career," Maggie continued, "Are leaving Seattle with a family. And you are just as okay with that."
"Hey," Meredith smirked, "We may have learned something from Ellis Grey after all."
The sisters laughed. They were a mix of the best of Ellis, who managed to learn from the worst. If only she could see them now. Maybe, some wounds would be completely healed.
Down the road a figure slowly trekked her way to the house.
"What are you two doing here?" Amelia grumbled, "Aren't you supposed to be packing for Chicago? Or Boston?"
"Amelia-" Magie sighed.
"Save it," Amelia shook her head, "I don't want to hear it. You both are clearly fine with each other since you're both leaving this godforsaken place."
"Amelia, I'm sorry," Meredith apologized sincerely, "Derek wanted to talk to you. He wanted to be the one to tell you! I shouldn't have-
"I'm not really in the mood to hear you justify your husband and the countless times he's screwed me over," Amelia walked away leaving the sisters on the porch, "Lock up when you're done!"
The door slammed behind her as she stormed into the house.
"What happened?" Maggie blinked.
Meredith sighed, "I kind of let it slip that you were leaving-"
"I got that," Maggie glared at her, "She knows you're leaving too?"
Meredith raised her brows, "I was upset-"
"Meredith!"
"She pieced it together, I feel terrible about it, I do, okay!" Meredith stood up, "Amelia has big feelings and she has a lot going on with Kai and you and me. And I want to fix it but I can't because the only person who can fix it right now is her brother."
Maggie shook her head as she watched her sister make her way to the car.
So much for the eternal camaraderie of the Sister Chiefs.
Meredith slowly closed the door behind her. Ten O'clock. It was past the kids' bedtime, but she was sure she'd still catch Derek awake.
"Hey," he smiled as he turned the corner from the hallway, "How was the rest of your day?"
Meredith smiled as she watched him make his way around the kitchen. He reached for something from the fridge ready to hear the rest of her day.
"Bailey asked for security escort until the doxxing dies down," she sighed, "I think the board should consider renting something for her temporarily for her safety."
"That's a good idea," Derek nodded as he pulled something covered in an aluminum cover.
Meredith turned to the cabinet and reached for a glass. She filled it with water and sipped on it, a sigh escaping her lips. When was the last time she'd tasted such fresh water? She rubbed her neck and shut her eyes as she listened to him shuffle about the kitchen.
"Kids? They go down okay?"
"Yeah," he answered, "Zo and Bails had a good day. Ellis is doing better, but I'm still worried."
Meredith opened her eyes, "Me too."
"Did you talk to your sisters?" Derek asked as he set something on the counter.
"Amy is still pissed," Meredith shrugged, "I think you may need to take over that one."
"I'll talk to her tomorrow," he sighed, "Mags?"
Meredith thought about her sister for a moment before answering, "We're okay. Maggie and I are good."
"Good," Derek turned to her and smiled, "Sit."
"Oh, Derek, I can't talk anymore I'm exhausted and I need to see my kids-"
"I'm not asking you to talk, I'm asking you to sit," he moved away from where he was leaning to show what he'd been up to. A plate of whatever dish he and the kids had surely conjured up for dinner. Warm and ready for her to devour.
"Judging by the way you gulped down that water, you probably have three potato chips in your stomach and you haven't eaten a proper meal, so," he offered her a fork, "Eat. Now. If you're not going to take care of yourself, you better let me do it."
"I love you," Meredith shook her head with a breathy chuckle, "You're my favorite husband."
Derek stared up at the dark ceiling.
No matter what he tried, he just could not fall asleep. Every time he'd close his eyes, the sight of Amelia would haunt him.
Her blue eyes had been the same ones he'd seen when he'd packed up for college and left for Bowdin. They'd been the same sad eyes when he'd reprimanded her for getting home drunk and worrying their mother all night. The same sad eyes that looked down at their father's body in that old shop.
He should've told her earlier when he had the chance. He should've told his sister that he was once again packing up and leaving. He should've explained that he wasn't simply abandoning her. He wasn't running.
He was protecting his family, the way he once couldn't protect her.
And then there was Lucas. Lucas, who had already felt like his favorite person had abandoned him. Who had the idea that he was a let down and a disappointment to the Shepherd name. How was he going to tell him the truth?
Derek turned to the lithe body next to him as she turned to wrap her arm around him. Meredith tucked her head in the crook of his neck as her left fingers softly gripped the fabric of his t-shirt. He watched her slowly return to her deep slumber and only when her breath evened out again did he wrap his own arm around her.
It's like she instinctively knew what he needed. Reassurance.
He had to fix it with Amy. He had to explain things to Lucas. And he had to make sure his wife and children were safe and sound.
He had to step up, and mend the broken bridges between two people he cared so deeply about.
Derek sighed deeply, his eyes focused on the ceiling once more and sleep escaping him again.
A/N: Oh how I love the sibling dynamics here. Isn't interesting how the little ones have it all worked out between them? When you're a kid, it's easier to make things better with your siblings. Fights are about toys and books and choosing movies and sure you'll pull each other's hair but when you're older, those fights are so much more complicated.
Derek and Amelia have so many deep rooted issues independently and together but they've moved forward together and leaned on each other. He is a protective father-like figure to her and she is a word of wisdom because she is resilient and she's seen so much. They love each other so deeply but people leaving isn't easy for Amy. Especially when it's a whole bunch.
And Maggie and Mer are two pieces of Ellis that managed to take that and make a life for themselves. One that they are each proud of. It's okay to choose your job. It's okay to choose to raise a family. It's okay to do both. And they know that.
There was a comment about Derek and communication issues. This Derek has grown, just like he would have in the show had it gone longer. His character arc is told to us in the very last episode of season 3 and it has taken me infinite rewatches for it to finally realize how it was literally there all along.
He declines the job as chief and tells Richard, "A good chief learns from his mistakes. I'm still working on that."
And Meredith? Well, her problems are no longer about a man. And they're no longer about whether or not she can do everything. It's now the 'How' can she do everything. And she's grown a lot. As a wife, mother, doctor and sister. And I wanted you to see that here.
Thanks for reading. I cannot wait to read your reviews.
No one said leaving Seattle would be easy.