Bigger Than the Whole Sky

by cindersandotherlovestories

After a tumultuous year between Seattle and Minnesota, Meredith and Derek are perfectly happy when they decide that staying in Seattle is the right choice. But with their children growing and old wounds opening, it could all change. Will staying in Seattle prove to be the right choice? (A sequel to Everything Has Changed and AU to season 19)

29. Long Way To Go

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No," Derek chortled, "I mean it. I don't want it. I'm flattered, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"We have three kids, remember? ZoZo's anxiety just got under control and I really want to keep it that way-"

"I do too!" Meredith insisted, "And I'm in charge of the schedule so we can handle it."

"I know we can but I don't want the job."

"What if I told you that you had a very high recommendation?"

He scoffed as he looked up to meet her eyes. Meredith had been hanging over the counter of the nurses station like she used to when she was a resident except instead of light blue scrubs, she wore perfectly tailored trousers and a silk blouse. Her pristine white coat bore her name and her freshly minted title- Chief of Surgery. Her eyes full of mischief, ready to convince him and render him to her heart's desire. She used that high pitched tone she often used whenever she wanted something out of him. She'd taught it to their girls and he had no choice but to fall at their beck and call.

"I would say you're lying because who would think I'd make a good Residency Director?" He turned back to his tablet and read the notes of his latest patient.

Meredith patted the counter a few times as she studied him. He truly had changed after years of letting ambition lead his decisions. Or so she chose to think. He knew what he wanted. He chose his family over and over. He'd left that big job in D.C. and came home. He was still a hotshot and took on the cases that most wouldn't.

It wasn't always roses and rainbows, but it was different.

"Richard Webber," Meredith quietly divulged, "His recommendation was you and only you- and I agree. You should be the lead of this new program. I don't trust anyone else with this but you."

Derek stopped typing. Richard Webber was the last person he'd think would consider him for such a thing. They'd had their problems and their differences. But he was still a friend, he was family.

Meredith sighed, "So as chief- not your wife- I am asking you to consider taking the position."

Derek looked up at her and shook his head, "I got it tanked. I was in charge of helping Bailey get it together when Jamarah Blake-"

"That was not just on you, it was on all of us and you tried. You tried harder than most of us. And that's exactly why you should lead it," she argued, "And even though your tenure as chief wasn't always the best-"

"Yes, thank you for that," he scoffed.

"You believe in second chances. April Kepner is proof of it. You know what it means to be a resident and a doctor in need of a second chance. And this program is getting its second chance," she raised a brow. He didn't quite meet her gaze but didn't stare down at his tablet. Instead he momentarily stopped and thought about the second chances he'd been given.

During his career. During his residency. In parenthood. In friendships. In marriage. In life. He believed in them and had brought back residents in the era when he was chief. He'd given second chances every time someone successfully walked out of the hospital after being on his table.

"So just," she sighed, "think about it, okay?"

He looked up at her and smiled. Slightly.

"I'll think about it," he whispered.

Meredith grinned and thanked him briefly. He watched as she walked away with a slight bounce in her step.

"Oh," she turned around, "Ellis has her class play today! Don't be late!"

---

"Why are they looking at us that way?"

"I don't know," Zola shrugged, "Did you punch someone lately?"

Bailey shook his head.

The eldest two of the Little Grey Shepherds slowly made their way to the breakfast bar and sat on their usual stools. Breakfast had already been served. Scrambled eggs and fruit. The orange juice had been poured in their glasses. This was a weekend sort of breakfast. Not an entire one with pancakes or waffles but definitely not their usual rushed cereal or oatmeal. And to top it off, their parents stood side by side at the opposite side at the bar with a stare the kids couldn't quite decipher. The kind of look that was a mix of pride and mischief. And their parents- though doting as they were- were not mischievous. Well not their mom. But definitely their dad. At least in front of them.

"Good morning," Derek smiled widely

"It is a good morning, isn't it?" Meredith smiled back at him before turning to the kids, "You should sit. Start on your breakfast."

Mornings weren't necessarily a mom thing. She wasn't as cheerful as she was now and mornings were rushed and hurried. This was different.

"Did we do something?" Zola asked hesitantly.

Meredith shrugged, "I don't know, did you?"

"Not that we know of," Bailey slowly answered with a nonchalant shrug. He reached for the fork and enthusiastically plunged it into a slice of melon and then into his mouth.

"Mm, you sure?" his mom asked again, "You're not keeping any secrets? Anything we should know?"

"No," they both answered in tandem as they quickly glanced at each other. They weren't known for skipping classes. They hadn't hidden any bad reports or test scores. Hadn't punched anyone out in defense of their sibling. And they definitely had not argued. Bickered? Yes. Fought? No.

"Really?" Derek asked, "Does the name Ellis Carolyn Grey Shepherd ring any bells?"

Both siblings froze. Caught. The secret they had promised to keep up in that tree house was now wide into the open.

"Ellis told us not to tell you!"

"Zola said we needed to keep our promise-!"

"I- what?" Zola turned to him as the sting of betrayal hurt her, "I didn't say that!"

He nodded, "Yes you did!"

Had the siblings not been bickering with one another, they might've noticed their parents celebrate their victory by gently pressing their palms together. A silent high five. A celebration of a meticulous plan to have them come out with the truth. And boy, were they surprised it had worked.

"Alright, both of you stop it!" Derek commanded, "You're both at fault."

The pair furrowed their brows at each other as they sat back down on their stools.

"Why didn't you tell us Ellis was having a hard time at school?" Meredith asked, "When did she tell you?"

"The day dad finished the treehouse," Zola sighed, "She told us no one wanted to be her friend."

The parents glanced at each other. That'd been days before they had found out. Days before they had a phone call from her teacher. And even more days since they'd sat in the schoolyard watching her read an old book Meredith had passed down.

"And she told us we shouldn't tell you," Bailey shrugged, "She didn't want you to worry. We just wanted to be good siblings to her and keep our promise."

The parents glanced at one another. All their children wanted to do was to take care of their youngest sister. They wanted to be the gatekeepers of her secrets. The guardians and the knights and protectors of one another. But it was also a burden that could grow and hurt. Ellis had a problem that they couldn't quite fix so easily. Hell, even Meredith and Derek were unsure of how to step in. So how were they going to let their little ones carry such a burden?

"Listen, we appreciate that the two of you are getting along and that you're trying to be good siblings to Ellie but this is the kind of thing you have to let us know about." Derek leaned on his forearms to meet their eye level.

"We're your parents," Meredith reminded them, "It's our job to make sure you are okay and it's our job to worry."

"We're gonna worry for the rest of your lives, even when you're adults," Derek shrugged, "But right now, you are the kids. We are the grown ups. And I get you're about to be a teenager and you're not too far behind- but, it's not your responsibility to be the parent," Derek nudged his head to his son.

"You always say I need to watch over my sisters," Bailey reminded him. He stared at his father with the same blue eyes he'd inherited, "You said it's my job to protect them-"

Derek sighed. He didn't mean to place such a burden on his son at a young age. Not to the point where he was hiding secrets and keeping things. Bailey deserved to live a normal childhood, where the weight of the adult world problems didn't rest on his shoulders, "I know I do. I know I say that a lot but I'm still here and so is mom."

"And while we're here, we will help you," Meredith added, "No matter what. So don't keep secrets like these from us. You'll get your chance to step in and help, but right now, we have to step in."

Derek had been right. No one had said it would be easy. She knew it wouldn't be easy. She'd been fearful of making one wrong move and ruining every bit of their life. She didn't want them to carry burdens that weren't theirs. She didn't want them to believe that they couldn't come to her and ask for help the way she had been unable to all her life. She wanted them to trust her and to know that she had their backs no matter what.

But this move to Boston had been terrorizing her thoughts. What if it only worsened things? What if they grew up resenting their parents for moving them? What if Ellis hid in that tree house indefinitely and never came down? What if things with Amelia never mended?

The sound of a fork jabbing onto the plate shook her fears away. She turned to her daughter who had a questioning look on her face, "So are we gonna stop keeping it a secret that we're moving? We haven't told Ellis."

Meredith and Derek glanced at each other. She was right. They had been keeping it a secret, and they couldn't any longer.

Derek thought of Amelia for a moment. She knew there was a possibility of such a momentous decision and yet she'd been furious at him for taking that step.

Would Ellis have the same reaction?

"We'll worry about Ellis," Meredith brought him back from his looming thoughts, "We'll tell her soon."

---

"Amy?" Derek called out to the figure walking in front of him, "Amelia?"

No response.

Stop following me, Derek! I'm not a baby! Leave me alone!

I told Mom I'd walk you!

"Dr. Shepherd!"

She stopped in her tracks and turned around, "Can I help you?"

"You can't avoid me forever," Derek shook his head as he approached her.

Her fierce blue eyes radiated anger. Resentment. She wasn't willing to wave any flags and wasn't ready to put her weapons down any time soon. He'd seen that look when she was fifteen, rebelling against every rule in the book, and when they'd been at each other's throats over a job. When he'd been cruel and unfair.

But if you try to fight me over the leadership of this department, you will lose. My resume will kick your ass-

Oh my God, Derek! There is no limit to your narcissist-

I have been in this game longer than you at a much higher level.

Bite me.

"Do you need something, Dr. Shepherd? Regarding a patient?" Amelia hissed through her teeth. She wore her hair in a loose bun. A slight darkness around her eyes told him she'd gotten little to no sleep. She wasn't drunk, and wasn't high. He could read that by now. He'd been an expert at it. But she was at the start of a spiral and pushing everyone away.

He wasn't going to let it get worse.

"Amy-"

"I will take that as a no," Amelia turned on her heel and stomped away.

Derek sighed heavily and shook his head. If he ran after her, she'd only push him farther.

"I'm guessing this has to do with Maggie?" Richard's voice distracted him as he stood next to him.

"Oh it's a mix of things," Derek sighed as he greeted Richard, "You'll probably be pissed at me and Meredith soon, too."

"Why? What did you two do this time?"

"I can't talk about it yet," Derek swallowed as he walked next to Richard down the hallway to the Board's conference room, "Hey, I have a question for you. What made you give Meredith my name as a recommendation to lead the residency program?"

Richard blinked. That meeting with Meredith had been so long ago. It'd been weeks in when the board had realized a new director for the residency program would be needed after Richard had officially retired. A feat no one thought they'd even see. Nevertheless, he'd stay on the board, and come in when needed- if needed. But he'd been happy trotting around the world with his wife.

Time he had finally learned he'd never get back.

"What makes you think I recommended you?" Richard raised a brow.

Derek smirked, "It was Meredith's pitch for the job. It worked."

"Meredith had mentioned that she wanted to turn this program into a second chance program," Richard shrugged, "I thought she'd lost it but as she explained it, it reminded me of something you told me years back."

"What? What did I say?"

"'A good chief learns from his mistakes'", Richard nodded, "You've learned from yours, it's time you taught a new class just that."

Derek pressed his lips into a tight grin, "Meredith said that when she asked me to take the position."

Richard tilted his head and studied his features, "Are you thinking of stepping down? Is something going on? Is this about what we talked about the other day? You can tell me you know?"

"I know, I know, I uh," Derek swallowed the lump of truth that had formed in his throat, "I'm just worried about Jamara Blake's visit. I want everything to go smoothly and we still have some kinks to work out."

"Well that's why we're here right?" Richard motioned to the door leading to the conference room.

He opened the door and stepped in leaving Derek lost in his thoughts. He could hear Jackson talk about revenue or something of the sort.

"Has the ranking gone up?" Arizona chimed in through the image she was being projected from, "I mean I know we're not all about the ranking and what not but it'd help a lot-"

"I think what she's trying to say is," Callie interrupted, "Are we still in the pits?"

"No," Meredith shook her head, "Not in the pits but also rankings haven't been released, you know that and I don't expect us to suddenly jump back into the top ten or even twenty for that matter."

"What about Jamara Blake?" Jackson asked from the end of the table, "How's that coming along, Derek?"

Derek sat in his usual spot, rubbing his head as he listened to everyone's words. It seemed like eons ago when he was merely the head of neurosurgery and everyone in this room was either an attending or a resident. Never in his dreams did he imagine that two surgeons would have left for New York, one would be head of an entire foundation dedicated to medicine, another the chief of surgery, another a former chief of surgery, one the director of the residency program, and the other- a mentor to all- retired.

Derek knocked on the table, "On paper? Everything's fine."

"Uh, what's that supposed to mean?" Jackson furrowed his brow.

Derek straightened his position, "Everyone is doing their part. The attendings are focused on teaching and we meet weekly to discuss the interns' progress. Dr. Grey restaffed all the surgeon vacancies we had, we have updated protocols to prevent everything she saw last time-"

"-Like the blood shortage," Meredith interrupted as she spun in her chair once. Avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"Exactly," Derek frowned, "Our attending our doing excellent teaching. On paper, we're great. We should be off probation."

"I hear a 'but'," Richard added, "What is it?"

Derek shook his head as he thought about the previous weeks. About the intern who was barely making ends meet. About the intern who was burning out taking care of her grandmother. Of the intern who hadn't taken care of himself and was overly competitive. The intern who was too involved. And the intern who just couldn't find his feet on the ground.

"We have interns who are living in their van," Derek eyed everyone, "Interns who are barely hanging on by a thread. We know what residency is like, we all went through it. Why do we make it hell for them when the real world's enough for them already?"

"That's how residency works, Shepherd," Richard scoffed, "It's how it's always been. You were running circles around New York with Addie and Sam and Nai and the rest of them with little to no sleep. It made you the surgeon you're now."

"Is that really what we want our residents to get out of this? Is this what we want out of our second chance?" Derek asked. He turned to Meredith who scratched the back of her head.

This was where personal relationships became a messy tangled web. She desperately wanted to side with her husband, but she needed to remain impartial. Objective. So listening to every detail was kind of a must.

Meredith planted her feet firmly on the floor as she tried to resist the urge to twirl and disengage. Focus, she reprimanded herself, You need to focus. The kids are fine. Everything is fine!

"Our job is to set them up for success," Derek continued, "To open a path for them so that when we step down, we know that the surgeons we've trained are more than equipped to be just as good if not better than we are."

That was the legacy of this hospital. To produce surgeons that were at a higher level than most. To teach generations to approach their patients with empathy and care no matter how scalpel hungry they were. It was a tradition left by Richard Webber, and one Derek had planned on carrying forward.

"We can't expect that of them if we berate them and constantly put them down," Derek finished, "So, with that in mind, if we want to stand out, if we want to do better, we need to actually be better."

"I don't know," Rchard tossed the folder of paperwork on the table, "I think it might be sugarcoating this profession. When I was director-"

"Richard, things have changed since then," Derek scoffed.

Jackson's voice cut him off before he could continue to say anything else, "Okay, alright, enough. I hear you both. Mer, what do you think?"

Meredith glanced between Richard and Derek. Be impartial. Be Objective. Be impartial. Be Objective.

"Derek's right, we have interns who need more support-"

And to Richard's disappointment, she objectively agreed with the current director. She respected Webber and all his methods, but she'd also seen how time had caused things to change. She'd seen how the pandemic had hurt many and how grace was needed more than ever.

"Grey!" Richard and Bailey scoffed.

"-she's just saying they need more support-" Derek argued.

"They get meal stipends-"

"-they can barely afford their meals with that!"

"The hospital covers-"

Meredith rubbed each side of her temples as the board members bickered with each other. She just couldn't deal with any bickering with the many thoughts running through her head.

Ellis still didn't know about Boston. She was going to be angry at them and maybe even her siblings. Or maybe she'd be thrilled at the chance to start over and make new friends because right now no one wanted to be her friend and no one understood her big emotions. Her teacher promised to intervene. She'd promised them an update by today and maybe things would be better. And Zola and Bailey hiding things from her and Derek wasn't okay with her either. What kind of mother had she been to allow them to take on the role of parents. And speaking of disappointments, Amelia was still angry at her. She wasn't speaking to them and she'd been absent last week for dinner. Maggie's last family dinner. Maggie was leaving. Maggie was leaving for Chicago. Did she tell even Richard? She should've told him by now. Oh god, she needed to tell Richard. Not until they got the program out of the woods. They were leaving for Boston. And they needed to find a house-with a treehouse- and their Dreamhouse! What would be of their dreamhouse-?"

"It's our job to be tough on them," Richard yelled. Meredith shook away her thoughts and tried to tune back into the argument. What the hell were they arguing about this time?

"Not if it's abuse!" Derek yelled back, "We need to be better than what was presented to us!"

Crap. The residency program. Right.

"What are you trying to say Shepherd?"

"We created this board so that this hospital does better-"

"Okay, enough," Meredith exhaled, "A lot of us in my class made mistakes and none of us would be here if we weren't given second chances. I have a list of them and here I am sitting as chief."

"I think we need a breather," Jackson exhaled as he looked down at his ringing phone, "Let's uh, come up with some ideas and we can revisit this later."

Pleasantries were exchanged. People left the room, people hung up, until there were only three left.

"What the hell was that?" Richard stared at the couple, "Since when do you two think that your residencies were abuse?"

"Richard, that's not what I said" Derek tried.

"Really? What were you saying? Because it pretty much sounded like that to me!"

"It's not what he meant, Richard," Meredith sighed as she tried defending her husband- er Director of the Residency Program, "There's a difference between being tough on our residents and abusing them-"

Which means their time needs to be respected. We can't expect them to be here all day and we can't overwork them. If they're starving and already burning out when their career has just started, it's on us," Derek explained.

Richard blinked and glanced between the pair, "I didn't hear any of this when either of you were interns."

"That was then, this is now" Derek exhaled before his phone went off with a page, "I gotta go, I have an aneurysm to clip."

He stood and stopped just as he reached the door, "Richard, it's not personal. You were a great teacher- you still are- it's just-"

"I know," Richard nodded, "You go, we'll talk later."

Derek squeezed his shoulder and closed the door behind him.

"Meredith, what's wrong?"

"I've got a lot on my mind, that's all," Meredith quietly answered. Richard was taken aback. Meredith Grey wasn't one to be so open or to even allow many to see her in any vulnerable state. She stood from her seat and paced around the room.

"It's Maggie, isn't it?" Richard commented knowingly, "I did the same thing to Maggie that I did to you last year."

"You told her she was disloyal and just like Ellis?" Meredith raised a brow, she crossed her arms defensively as if she were bracing for the same words thrown at her.

"Something like that," Richard scoffed, "And just like then, I didn't mean it."

"I know. You should tell her."

Richard observed her for a moment. He'd also blamed the hospital's messes on her last year. He had thrown her mistakes at her and yelled that she wanted to destroy the program before she left. He'd regret it forever.

"Derek mentioned that I'd be upset with both of you soon," his calm demeanor worried her. Maybe Catherine had already broken the news. No, Derek would've asked for discretion just like she had asked Jackson for the same. Everything about their move would be on a need-to-know-basis and she made every effort to keep it that way.

And Richard needed to know.

"We're moving our family to Boston," it was almost a whisper. A very quiet confession that she wasn't sure she was willing to share. Because when she tried to move, when she made decisions, the universe reminded her to screw herself, "Zola's anxiety stems from our problems here and she's been identified as extremely gifted. And there's a school out there that she loves. And enticing job offers for the both of us."

A breath caught in her chest, "Everything is lining up for us and we have to do this for our kids."

She watched for any reaction but she couldn't find anything but the moment where their relationship- whatever it was- nearly fractured into bits.

"There is no blood Meredith," Derek gritted as he followed her down the hall and into the attendings' lounge, "If I hadn't run in there you would've cut, taken all her organs out and by the time you would've excised the tumor and returned the organs, she would've bled out. You know it and I know it."

"Stop pretending this is about my patient! Stop pretending this is about trying to save the program because we both damn well know that a part of you resents me-"

"No, no," Derek seethed, "Do not pin your insecurities on me. Do not try to blame me for your inability to make a decision because I have been behind you every single damn step-"

"And just how far did that get you?" A voice cut between them. Richard turned to Derek angrily, "You had to be a cowboy and run in there, didn't you? In front of Jamarah Blake?"

Meredith sighed, "Richard-"

She'd had enough with arguing with Derek over moving and over transplant surgeons and the jealousy and the blame. She'd had enough with a nearly failed surgery that a fight with Richard was the last thing she needed.

"And you!" Richard turned to Meredith, "I expressly told you no!"

"You expressly told me you did not want to participate-"

"And as always it's about what Meredith Grey wants with no thought to the consequences it may have."

"The consequences being that she may have been dying-" Meredith argued.

Derek sighed heavily, "She didn't do the surgery Richard, she got out of there in time-"

"You two got what you wanted, didn't you? To ensure that this place goes up in flames alongside the residency program as you two walked out proudly."

"That is not-"

"Doesn't seem like it," Richard shouted back before turning back to Meredith, "Congratulations, Ellis Grey-."

"Richard, enough!" Derek shouted.

Meredith swallowed as she awaited his response.

"Congratulations," Richard smiled, "Catherine told me about the offer she made Derek, I was just waiting to hear if he'd accepted and where he'd accept it."

"You're not gonna yell?" Meredith blinked.

Richard chuckled lightly, "It didn't get me anywhere last time and it won't get me anywhere this time. Besides I know your little girl has been having such a terrible time and you-"

He stopped himself for a moment as the truth of her words finally settled in.

Meredith Grey was leaving Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital.

Richard looked up at his former student, "I'm proud of you. You deserve to run off into the sunset with your family."

"I don't know about a sunset," Meredith rolled her eyes before smiling gently, "But thank you."

She watched as Richard stood from his seat and made his way to the door.

"Ellis Grey's daughters are leaving Seattle," he exhaled, "One for a flourishing career and the other for a chance to take care of the family she built. And for a flourishing career. If she could see the pair of you now."

The door closed behind him leaving Meredith alone with her thoughts.

Her life was anything but ordinary. She'd built a house a candles and went down swinging until she finally rendered herself to loving a man who loved her so deeply. She wanted the marriage, the kids, the life Ellis had denied.

If Ellis could see her now, she'd be jealous. Because it was what she wanted with Richard. And what Richard was too much of a coward to have. And what Thatcher walked away from. And what Ellis shoved away leaving nothing but a personal life of bitterness and a thriving profession.

Meredith exhaled and turned back to the Seattle skyline. There was no room for Ellis here. Not when she had so much in mind.

Maggie was leaving for Chicago.

Richard was fine.

Bailey was fine and was willing to move for his sister.

Zola loved the school in Boston.

All that was left was to settle things with Amelia. With Lucas. And tell Ellis. They needed to find a house in Boston. Get the program cleared. And find a new home.

Things were…falling into place.

---

Ellis poked at her bowl of cereal as she processed her parents' words.

"So," she blinked a few times before looking up at them, "We're moving?"

It took two whole days for the parents to muster the courage to confess the truth. Boston was happening. They were leaving the nest. They were moving. Off to new horizons. Off to a great adventure.

Straight into the unknown.

"Yes," Both parents answered in tandem.

"When?" Ellis' green eyes seemed to darken a bit as she pried for more answers.

"Uh," Meredith braved as she watched her daughter on the opposite side of the breakfast bar, "We think it'd be better if we waited out the rest of the school year, I mean, you don't have too much time left before summer begins-"

"Okay," Ellis shrugged as she stuffed a spoonful of Cheerios in her mouth, "Can I have a banana before we go?"

Meredith glanced at her husband. His brow was furrowed as a system rebooted within him. He expected tears and heartbreak. He was prepared to console her and promise her endless treasures until she partially came around to the idea- if she came around to the idea.

Ellis' eyebrow lifted slightly before she widened her eyes and dropped her spoon with a clink to the bowl.

"Wait," she blinked.

Both parents quickly glanced at each other before turning to her.

"My treehouse!" she exclaimed in sudden realization. She turned to her father with devastation painted on her face, "You just finished my treehouse! What about my treehouse?"

Derek sighed heavily before leaning on his elbows and reaching closer to her. His heart clenched at the way her face had fallen. One minute she was all in, ready to dive deep into the unknown, the next she was faced with the realization that everything was changing. And like her mother, change was not something Ellis was overly fond of.

"We can't take your treehouse," Derek whispered, "You know that-"

"But you just finished my treehouse," Ellis shook her head, "I don't- it's not fair, Daddy you just finished it."

There was no malice in her small voice. No tantrum-like tone. Just plain honesty and sadness coming from their child.

"I know, baby," Derek whispered, "I'm sorry."

Ellis sighed and pushed her nearly finished bowl away, "I don't want the banana anymore. I'm not hungry."

"Ellis," Meredith called out to her youngest to no avail. She had already run off to gather the rest of her things.

"She's gonna be pissed for a while," Derek shook his head as he took the bowl, "And she'll hide up there for days and then eventually she'll talk to us."

"Are you saying that because she's your baby girl and you know her best?"

"I'm hopeful I'm an expert enough in all things about you that I know just as much about her," Derek raised his brow before leaning against the counter and crossing his arms," Which reminds me, I have to run something by you."

"What?" Meredith reached for the bowl Ellis left behind and placed it in the sink. Ellis must've been devastated in her room. She must've been trying to plot her way to hide in the treehouse before they left for the day and who knew maybe she'd even try to move in there. Anything was possible with that little one.

"The trailer," Derek sighed, "I need to get rid of it before we leave."

"What?" Meredith's head snapped up. Why hadn't she thought of the trailer? She'd thought of the dreamhouse and Maggie and Amelia and the kids. Of Richard and oh what about the sister house? Her mother's house? What about-?

"I can't take it to Boston, it's a lot," he explained, "I thought about offering it to Lucas just in case he wants to get away from Amelia for a while but then I thought about- Meredith?"

She wasn't looking at him anymore. Her gaze was focused on somewhere far away he couldn't reach.

The trailer. The Dreamhouse. The Sister House. The treehouse. They were picking up roots and leaving.

You have family here, roots.

"Meredith, what are you thinking?"

"It's just," she snapped her head back at him with rapid blinks, "That trailer has so much history with you and me and us and-I-I-I just can't picture- I mean I knew it might happen but, now it's happening. It's really happening."

Derek sensed her panic and stepped forward gently, "I don't have to-"

"No, no, you're right, and it's yours," she put both arms up to keep him at a distance. She needed the distance, "I can't- I- if you think it's time to sell it or pass it on then, you should do that."

"Meredith-"

"No, no," Meredith shook her head as she reached for her keys. She gripped them tightly, "Can we stop talking about this now? I have a long day and we gotta go."

---

In the list of kisses she'd ever shared, every single one paled in comparison to kissing Derek Shepherd.

All she wanted was to know if he had a house. His grandparents' names. Where he grew up. His favorite flavor of ice cream. Where he spent his summer vacations.

And now, she was in his trailer. In his bed. Naked. Pinned under him as he kissed her. And she didn't give one ounce of a damn because it was exactly where she wanted to be. He moaned as he released her swollen lips and pressed soundly kisses on her neck. She sighed as she stared up at the skylight.

She could stay here forever. His hand in hers, his lips on hers. His soft skin caressing her own. She could just be here…forever. The way he made her feel was intoxicating. She'd felt seen, heard. Like she was on a pedestal and he was at her beck and call. Like…like…

Crap, she thought, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

He was her attending. She was the intern. And this? This feeling of forever? She couldn't feel it. She just couldn't.

Because if she did, it meant she was in love. And if she was in love, she was risking losing that love.

And that she just couldn't bear.

Meredith swallowed as she let his lips continue their path throughout her bare chest. Her hands tangled in his dark curls.

Screw it. If this was falling in love, she would fall as deep as the well was with no way out.

---

"I have a trailer."

"Um," Dr. Yasuda blinked at the man leaning over the counter, "Congratulations?"

"It's empty. It's in good condition, granted it's in Bainbridge so-"

"Oh," Yasuda exhaled, "Dr. Shepherd. That's very kind of you and I appreciate it but I can't."

"Yasuda, I'm offering you-"

"I know," she shrugged, "And I'm assuming this trailer is on your property?

"Well, yes but-"

"Dr. Shepherd, I don't think it'd be the best idea but, I appreciate you thinking of me. And for trying to help."

"You've been living in your van," Derek emphasized, "You are an intern and it's-

"Exactly, I'm an intern-"

"If this is about rent, you don't have to-"

"Again, I appreciate your help," Yasuda whispered, "I do, I promise. But, it's kinda weird and I'm not a charity case-"

"This isn't charity-"

"I know," Yasuda nodded, "I was just raised. I'm the oldest sibling out of too many and I earn what I get, Dr. Shepherd. I don't need a handout."

Derek nodded. Sometimes good intentions weren't always received as expected. And over the months, he'd come to respect this intern. She knew how to stand her ground. She knew how to say no and how to help wherever she was needed. She was a little snarky, a little unfiltered, but she was good. And she'd be great. He could feel it.

"Okay, I get it," he smiled, "The offer stands if you change your mind."

"Thanks."

Derek hadn't noticed that Lucas had been standing next to him typing into his tablet. As he turned, he briefly made eye contact and sighed, "Can we talk later? I have some things-"

"Uh, I'm on Dr. Grey's service today," Lucas answered.

""Find me as soon as you have time," Derek tapped on the counter before pushing himself off,, "Before the day ends"

Lucas nodded as he returned to his work. It'd been days since he'd overheard him and his aunt yell at each other from outside his office. He didn't intend on eavesdropping, but he had a message to deliver and the yelling from the familiar voices had caught his attention.

Uncle Derek had been a god to him in many ways. He was always the uncle who paid most attention to him. The one to tell him corny jokes, let him in on stupid family trivia, and take him to all the baseball games whenever summer rolled around. But all that had come to a halt when he'd disappeared.

It'd be years later that they would somewhat reconnect, but by then, Lucas had already gotten in enough trouble that he was the family disappointment. Especially on the Shepherd side.

"If the Shepherds were my uncles or aunts I would not be ignoring them," a voice disrupted his thoughts.

Lucas' head snapped up, "You turned down his offer."

Yasuda blinked rapidly, "What? I don't know what your talking about-"

"You know, this could've been your way in," Lucas teased, "You're not gonna get it again. I didn't even get the trailer offered-"

"I'm not a nepo kid and I'm not about to, nepo kid," Yasuda gritted.

"Ouch," Lucas replied as he leaned on the counter. He leaned on his left elbow and rubbed his thumb on his index finger, "Being a Shepherd's not as easy as you think."

"Wait," Yasuda tilted her head in confusion, "You didn't get the trailer offered? Wow, you must've done something so bad for that or you might've been staying in the big Shepherd home with the many rooms and huge yard. They have one right? I'm guessing it has a hell of a view and is worth a couple million."

"I don't stay there. Not anymore," Lucas swallowed, "And it's the Grey-Shepherd home. Not just Shepherd."

"Like I said, nepo kid," Yasuda sighed, "But, they're nice people. And Shepherd's a good director."

Her phone went off with a page and she ran off. Meredith stepped into the nurses station and grabbed a tablet. She had time for one consult. Time to practice medicine very briefly before she was dragged into another meeting.

Who was on her service today? Right, Adams. She looked up at the intern and noticed his gaze was set on something else- someone else. She followed it and landed on the young intern who had so far shown the most promise. Simone Griffith. She liked her. She was smart and quick on her feet. She also had a family history that she painfully carried with her. She'd hoped to be a mentor of sorts to her, a person she could trust.

Meredith looked up at the intern in front of her and chuckled, "You are just like Derek."

"Sorry?"

"Hopeful romantic. Or hopeless romantic whichever it is," Meredith answered as she nudged towards Griffith. It was no secret to anyone he was hopelessly smitten with Simone, "You even lean like him too."

"I do?"

"He does this look and his eyes get all sparkly. And he leans on his elbow and rubs his fingers together, just like you're doing" Meredith chuckled as she pointed to his stance, "Must be a Shepherd thing."

"Can we not say that?"

"What? Shepherd thing? Oh, Shep, C'mon-"

"You're calling me that now?"

Meredith raised her brow, "Sorry. I'm around you guys all the time that Amy and Shep just stick but I've already been banned from saying Amy so-"

"Oh, no, Aunt Mer," he winced at his misstep, "It's just I get compared to them alot. Especially my uncle. Sometimes it's a lot."

"Shepherds are a lot." Meredith smirked, "And your Uncle and Aunt are particularly a lot so I get it. Don't tell them I said that."

"Yeah," Lucas pressed his lips into a tight grin. He'd been pleasantly surprised at the way Meredith had treated him despite the small amount of information she had of him. He was a Shepherd and his transcripts indicated that he needed support. A lot of it. She'd promised anonymity- as long as he was careful about it. And she'd convinced Derek to open himself up to the idea that his nephew was in Seattle after the massive screw up during his first day of internship. Lucas could still remember walking into the Grey-Shepherd home and seeing his aunt in his uncle's shirt. Her hair in a loose bun and a necklace made by a kid hanging on her neck. He'd never met this side of her. The warm mother of three was quite a contrast to the well put together chief of surgery.

"The last time I was on your service," Lucas stood straight, unwilling to disappoint her, "you kicked me off the field. You sure you want me on your service?"

"Today's a new day," Meredith smiled as she stood, "Tell me what we got."

Lucas walked over to the bed, knowing his attending followed. This was his chance. A chance to impress the chief and to leave a mark. Not on a Shepherd, not on Derek, not on Amelia.

An impression on his chief who believed in him and who carried a healthy amount of expectations of him.

"Seth Knight, presenting with abdominal pain, he says he's feeling no nausea, we ran labs, per Dr. Hunt's request, and they were clear, Lucas presented.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Grey," Meredith presented herself as she slid on her gloves, "I'm just gonna run a physical exam-"

"Listen," the patient moaned in pain, "I came here because this hospital is supposed to the best. So please, you gotta help me."

"We are the best," Meredith raised a brow before turning to her intern, "What are you thinking Adams?

He winced at the sound of his name, "Um it could be a positive McBurney sign."

"Which could be caused by?"

"Appendicitis or diverticulitis-"

Seth groaned again as he tried to sit up, "Look, can we do the teaching thing later? It feels like someone's dicing my intestines."

"Okay, we're gonna help you," Meredith turned to her intern, "We need scans and tests. Here's what I want, open up the page."

Lucas clicked on the orders page and pressed on each lab order. She detailed each blood test; blood count, metabolic panel, lipid panel, thyroid panel, and so on. CTs and things to watch for. She was specific and took her time to explain it all in detail. A stark contrast to the last time he'd been on her service. This time she broke everything down. Step by step. And it stuck.

"Got it," Lucas nodded, "Anything else?"

"Yes," Meredith looked around until she found her target, "Griffith!"

"Yes, Dr. Grey?"

"You're on this with Adams, make sure he gets a full work up," Meredith ordered. She could feel the cold stare of her nephew on her as she gave out orders, "Don't let him screw it up."

"Wait, what?" the patient asked.

"Go with it, Seth," Meredith winked, "You're in good hands with these two, I promise."

"What are you doing?" Lucas gritted through his teeth, "This isn't-"

"Uh, what was it that you asked of me when you were accepted here? Keep the nephew thing out?" Meredith flashed the tip of her tongue quickly, "Page me as soon as the scans are done!"

Meredith smirked as she stepped away.

---

"You paged?" Derek asked as he entered the scan room, "I'm not on call today, I have to prep for another board meeting."

"I know, I'm sorry," Owen shook his head, "We tried paging Amelia earlier and she has yet to get here, we needed someone asap and you're here so-"

"Is that a bullet lodged into his spine?"

"Yeah, we sent his labs for lead levels. The shooting was eleven years ago," Owen shook his head, "You and I have scrubbed in too many of these-"

"Yeah. And I had one in me and so have you," Derek shook his head, "Okay what's the plan?"

Winston stepped forward and pointed to a scan, "Assuming you can remove the bullet in the spine, irrigate, close, and flip the-"

"I'm here," Amelia announced as she walked in, "What is he doing here? I'm the chief of neuro and I'm the surgeon on call."

Derek sighed. A part of him wanted to answer back. Tell her it wasn't his fault that these two world class surgeons had already paged her and she was absent. It wasn't his fault they trusted him instead.

But, he also was keenly aware she looked worse for wear. Tired, exhausted. Not drunk. Not high. And his gut instinct told him she wasn't there. She was still in a spiral and he couldn't do much.

Owen exhaled loudly, "We don't have time for any of this Amelia we tried calling you-"

The door opened once more, "Sorry, I got here as soon as I could my van-"

"What do you mean van?" Derek asked Yasuda, "Did you-?"

"I went looking for Dr. Shepherdess- er Shepherd. I went looking for Dr. Shepherd."

"Okay, well she's here now," Derek sighed as he gave one final glance to his sister. His superior, "And she's right, she's the head of neuro and on call so I'll head out."

Owen could sense something was off. He'd known the pair long enough.

Amelia didn't bother to look back. Instead she focused on the monitors on the screen, "Are we doing this now or are we waiting for our patient to suffer more?"

---

"The scans are clear," Meredith sighed, "There is nothing that is showing us what the hell is causing the pain. No evidence of colitis, no ruptures-"

"No hospital has been able to find anything," Simone shrugged, "He's had multiple visits to in the last three weeks with prescriptions for controlled meds

"It doesn't make any sense," Lucas shook his head, "There's no stranding, the appendix looks normal. We gotta be missing something, right?"

"Could he be looking for drugs? I mean he's visited almost every hospital in the area and almost every time he gets some sort of medication."

Meredith shook her head, "I doubt it. Did you see anything in the labs-"

"No," Simone shook her head, "But his scans are clean and the other hospitals didn't find anything."

"Chilaiditi syndrome?" Lucas offered.

Meredith shook her head, "You would've seen it in the scans."

Meredith clicked again and again. Nothing. She couldn't find a pattern in the recent images.

"Dammit," she groaned, "It sounds gross but I was hoping I'd be in the OR today."

Simone laughed, "Should I discharge him chief?"

Meredith clicked and clicked. An idea struck her, "Adams, should we discharge?"

"W-what?" his head quickly turned to her. One minute she was giving orders about what to do, the next she was asking for an opinion.

"Griffith wants to discharge, I'm sure she's got the papers ready," Meredith turned to him, "What do you think, he's your patient. Should we discharge him?"

He'd lost patients before. He'd seen patients decline medical advice and try to persuade them otherwise and failed. He'd had successful outcomes and he'd seen surgeons celebrate victories he could only dream of. He'd learned a lot here and the lesson was nearly the same.

"No, I think we should take another look. Compare his previous scans from the other hospitals to these," Lucas shook his head, "I don't know, chief, something tells me we're missing something."

Instinct. Gut feelings. Fight for the patient. Your instinct will nearly always be right.

Meredith turned to him, "Is this a gut feeling?"

"I think so," Lucas nodded, "Yes! Yes. I want to uh, take another look."

"Griffith?" Meredith turned to the second intern.

"Uh, sure," she shrugged, "Although he is testing positive for opiates."

Meredith swallowed a lump in her throat. Her own gut instinct also told her something else was happening. This wasn't a simple case where she could shrug off a patient. Webber taught her that and it was why the Seattle Five had purchased the hospital. To do better.

"Okay, well, thanks for that," Meredith stood up, "Take a second look. Analyze each scan. Page me when you find something."

---

The board meeting had been canceled.

Thank God, Derek thought as he put his phone back into his pocket. There was some excuse over an overlap with meetings and surgeries and who knows what else. He could care less. He still didn't have a solution to their problems. All he had were needs. Needs he couldn't fill in because his own mind was filled with thoughts about moving. And children being upset with him. And wives having an anxiety induced breakdown. And nephews hating him. And sisters-

"I didn't drop it in him-" Yasuda tried to explain before she was once again cut off.

"Are you seriously trying to defend yourself?" Amelia shrieked, "What is wrong with you?"

"Dr. Shepherd-" Yasuda twisted the light blue scrub cap in her hands.

"No, I am asking, I'm seriously asking, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Dr. Shepherd!" Derek called out as he stepped closer to the two rising voices. He had just assured the board that things between the attendings were better. He had fought with Richard over treatment of the residents.

"What?" Amelia's nostrils flared with anger. Her blue eyes darkened as she kept her eyes at the figure walking towards her.

"Yasuda, find Dr. Hunt, you're on his service for the rest of the week," Derek ordered as the young intern nodded and ran off.

Derek pulled Amelia into a storage room as she practically kicked and screamed.

You're not my Dad! Stop it!

What the hell are you doing drinking this?

Derek closed the door behind him as he tried to shut out the ghosts of their past, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Amelia scoffed, "What the hell is wrong with you? I'm trying to teach my intern, because apparently they can't focus! Aren't you the Director of this damn program? Aren't you supposed to make sure crap like this doesn't happen? That they don't screw up?"

"That was not-"

"She screwed up!"

"Well so have you!"

Amelia breathed heavily, "Oh please don't try to come at me as if you're this high and mighty guy that has it all figured out! The wife, the kids, the perfect family. You're almost up to par with our sisters, that's what you're looking for, huh?"

"Amelia, you have no idea what you're talking about-"

"You think you're whole. You think you're healed. You think you have it all figured out, that you leaving will fix it and make it all better but it won't."

"Are you high?" Derek placed both of his hands over his hips. He carefully tried to read her. The walls in the room seemed to push into them, tightening the tension as it slowly stretched out waiting for a rubber band to burst.

He didn't want to snap. He didn't want to revert to the angry teenager, the angry brother who promised and failed and promised and failed.

Amelia stood dumbstruck at his accusation, "What?"

"Are you high?" Derek asked again. He wasn't sure whether or not he wanted an answer but needed one, "Are you drunk?"

Amelia snickered, "I am not high and I am not drunk."

He believed her.

"Then what the hell is going on?" He angrily asked.

"What's going on?" Amelia asked bitterly. She was going to answer honestly. Brutally. She would make sure he knew exactly what was going one, "What's going on is that the handful of people that actually care- or appeared to care about me- are leaving me here in Seattle-"

"No one is leaving you-"

"-while they go off to Chicago and Boston and the other person who supposedly-"

"Amelia-"

"-cared is in Los Angeles and when she's not there she's somewhere in the country being a goddamned superhero. I am alone. I will be alone. I am always going to be alone and no one cares about that and that is your fault-"

"Grow up, Amelia!" Derek snapped, "None of this is my fault! I did nothing wrong. This is not my fault!

"Typical of you to treat me like a kid and condescend me! You always want to fix everything because it makes you feel superior and the damn savior-"

Complex savior. Failure. All of it came flooding back. And he was unwilling to let the damn burst any more.

"Amelia, Maggie isn't leaving you! Maggie has been given an opportunity that she has earned through her hard work. Meredith and I have made a choice-"

"Of course you'd take their side, you've been doing that for years," Amelia mumbled, "You take everyone's side, but mine!"

"I get it you're pissed at me," he gritted through his teeth, "You're pissed at Maggie, you're pissed at Meredith, and you're pissed at Kai. I get that you feel your feelings more than most of us and I get that you feel alone. I get it but it's not my fault!"

"You get nothing!"

"Except I do," he yelled, "Because I've been there and I've seen it- I've lived it and you seem to forget that! You're doing the same thing you did when you first spiraled as that fifteen year old and I'm sure it was the same damn thing when you spiraled in LA-"

"You have no right-"

"You did it after Meredith's attack-"

"Don't bring that up!"

"Get to a freaking meeting!" Derek yelled before he stepped back, "Get to a meeting and get yourself together. We all got crap going on and all you're doing is trying to find someone else to blame it on but the way you're feeling is not my fault. So stop running and get to a damn meeting or talk to your sponsor."

"Oh please, you're one to talk. You're running from your crap!"

"I am not running!" He shouted, "I made a choice for my kids. I made a choice with my wife and you have no right to be angry at me about it!"

"You. Are. Running!" Amelia spewed, "You think that picking up your kids and your wife and taking them all the way to Timbuktu will fix everything! It won't fix you, Derek! Because deep down, you are still the same arrogant, selfish, narcissist who thinks he's better than everyone."

Arrogant. Selfish. Narcissist. Savior Complex.

This anger came from years and years of pain and anger. She was looking for something- someone to blame- for the pain.

And he was just about done with it.

"Stay away from my kids, Amelia. Until you get to a meeting, until you get yourself together, you stay away from my kids," Derek darkly replied, "You can stay pissed and spiral out and end up in rehab again or you can get yourself together and go to a meeting and until you do, you stay away from my family, do hear me?"

Her face softened at the mention of his children.

"Oh my god, I've practically helped you raise your kids," Amelia sighed, "I'm an expert at all things Little Grey Shepherds."

The parents raised their brows at her.

"Sorry, that's your nickname…that you gave them and call them," Amelia muttered, "I uh, I got a little-"

"It's okay," Meredith smiled, "They are The Little Grey-Shepherds."

"And you have helped raise them," Derek added, "You know you're more than just their aunt. You and Maggie both are."

He noticed the drop in shields. The way he struck a nerve with the threat of never seeing an extension of him.

"I love you and you are my sister and I made a promise to take care of you," he quietly added, "And I'm not going to stand here and watch you tear yourself down again. I can't."

The tally marks marking each of his failures was far too high. It'd be too much to add one more mark.

Amelia's hands hurt from her nails pressing onto the skin of her palms. She was trying everything not to break down.

Amelia versus Derek. Shepherd versus Shepherd. They'd long buried these fights. They'd long put their swords away and had decided to make peace with each other. To hold space for their collective trauma and move forward.

"I'm not drunk. I'm not high," Her voice croaked shakily as she refused to look at him, "I'm tired and sleepless. But I am sober."

Derek hesitated before closing the door behind him. He couldn't turn around to fix it. Not now. Not like this.

How did they end up here again?

---

Derek shut the door right behind him as he stomped down the hallway. He couldn't stay in that supply closet any longer. Not as long as he and Amelia were at each other's throats. He opened the door to the stairwell and stopped in his tracks.

"Mika?"

She wiped her eyes as she pushed herself off the wall, "Dr. Shepherd-"

"Listen, what Amelia said-"

"Was unfair and quite cruel," Yasuda hissed, "I get she's my attending and I accept any and every consequence when I make a mistake-"

"I know that-"

"I don't have the family pedigree some other interns here have," she continued angrily. Derek was taken aback by her implication, "I know I'm risking my place here but this program is failing me. I am barely scraping by and I'm working night shifts at Joes to keep gas in my van. I shouldn't be doing that on top of the many hours I have to be here to learn my profession."

"You're right," he nodded, "And offering a trailer isn't enough-"

"It's not," she shook her head, "I'm devoted to this job. But I'm an intern. And I take this seriously. I want to learn, but not at the expense of my dignity and this program promised differently."

"I know! I'm sorry," he tried, "Listen, we're trying, we are. What happened out there was unfair and it will not happen again."

Yasuda sniffed, "I have a patient-"

"Go-" home he wanted to say. He exhaled, "Take the rest of the day. You need to- just take the day, I'll cover your patients."

She stared at him for a moment before running up the stairs.

As he heard the stairwell door close, Derek hung his head. If it wasn't a surgery, it was a program, it was kids, it was his sister, it was his wife.

When would he finally get it right?

---

"Your nephew is on my service today, and I have him working with Griffith. I think they might end up going home together by the end of the day," Meredith smirked as she approached her husband leaning over the catwalk, "Oh, and I did what you asked me to do. I think he's doing better. I broke it all down, went over it twice, and this case does afford some extra time so, it's good."

He nodded without turning towards her. His blue eyes staring far away somewhere in the view of the greenery ahead of them.

"What's wrong with you?" Meredith asked, "You seem frustrated."

"That's because I am frustrated," he grumbled.

"Amelia," Meredith sighed knowingly, "I heard some nurses talk about it in the elevator"

"She kicked Yasuda out of the OR apparently and when she tried to explain herself, Amelia yelled at her," he shook his head, "She's always been tough on residents but never like this. She's pissed at me and she's taking it out on those kids."

"It's not fair for the interns," he shook his head, "I tried talking to Yasuda and she said that we are failing our interns and we haven't learned from our mistakes."

"Wait, what? Why?"

"She's moonlighting at Joe's," he sighed, "She's barely making ends meet and she has student loans to pay, and she's living in her van."

This was why he wasn't completely happy at that board meeting. It's why he had brought up additional support for the interns. Because he knew his students better than most.

"Amelia yelling at her isn't helping-"

"Amelia's reaction is not on you. She's angry and she's mad and she's taking it out on them. And we're gonna do something about the interns, we will," Meredith wrapped her hand around the railing as she stepped closer, the opposite hand rubbed his back gently as she observed the lack of reaction, "Derek, what's wrong?"

She could see his jaw clench and his hands turn into fists. The stress overwhelmed him and nearly took over every physical aspect of his body. But here, he couldn't use sex to mask it. He couldn't throw a punch or run away. He could go silent, not that she would let him.

"Derek?"

"What if I haven't learned from my mistakes?" he shook his head, "What if this really is me running? What if I'm just finding an excuse to run away-"

"You are not running away," Meredith insisted, "It's not you being overly ambitious and it's not me trying to chase any ghosts. We made a choice for our children and it's not your fault Amelia can't accept that."

"She won't accept it," he turned to her, "She says this is me not caring about her and abandoning her."

"You are not," Meredith put one hand on her hip, "You know that-"

"I told her to stay away from the kids," He turned to her and studied her face, "I was angry at what she said and I know she's spiraling but I let it get to me and it was in the heat of the moment so I told her she couldn't see them until-"

"Derek," Meredith chided with wide eyes.

"I know, I know-"

"That's not going to solve anything!" Meredith reprimanded, "It'll just make a bigger wedge between the two of you and that's the last thing you need!"

"I told her to get to a meeting first before she saw them," he turned to her, "Happy?"

Meredith shook her head as he turned back to his hands. Derek gently pressed his fingertips together over and over, inhaling and exhaling as he replayed the fight in his head over and over again. It was like they were petty teenagers fighting again.

"I mean that's better than just banning her but," Meredith sighed, "Derek, the farther you push each other, the worse it gets. It happened when she married Owen, you were against it, and she told you to go to hell."

"Well apparently I'm 'the same arrogant, selfish, narcissist who thinks he's better than everyone' so I think we're at the worst again," he shrugged.

They were both known for their temper. Their bitter words and cruel swipes at one another. They'd had years of practice. Years to master what and how to say things.

He shrugged, "Maybe I am."

"You aren't that and you know it- I know it!" Meredith sighed, "You and Amelia are cruel when you're angry and you say things that you don't mean just to hurt the other person. What makes it worse between the two of you is that you know each other."

He said nothing, instead he rubbed his hands together in silence.

"You need to talk to her. She is your sister and she is hurting and you are hurting and you will hurt more if you leave without speaking to her."

"Yeah," he whispered.

Meredith exhaled as she leaned against the rails with both her elbows, her back faced the view Derek had been facing. For a moment, she stared at the many people entering and exiting the hospital. The medics walking around, nurses running, patients waiting.

"It may not be the time to tell you this but you got me thinking about the interns, what you said in the meeting" Meredith exhaled, "What if we asked the foundation for additional funds?"

He shook his head, "We'd need to have a plan on how to distribute it otherwise they'll think we'll just spend it on insignificant things since we asked for an increase when we rebooted it. We also need to make sure we know how to determine who needs those funds."

"So then we make one," Meredith straightened as an idea struck her, "Wait. We can disperse funds as a-

"A grant," he mumbled as the same idea struck him. Why hadn't he thought of it sooner?

"That would work," she agreed, "Come up with a criteria on who gets it but that'll need their approval which will take time-"

"Not if we use the funds we already have. We have enough money in the program's budget that we can set up a grant, right?" he turned to her, "I just turned in the budget report, we should have enough-"

"It'd be enough for one intern for this year, but I can make it happen," Meredith nodded.

"If I come up with a criteria-"

"Present it to the hospital board for approval, it's got my vote and you can guarantee Bailey and Richard-"

"I'll get on it now," he pushed himself off the rail and ran off. He turned around quickly, "Hey! Did you say you have Adams on a case?"

---

"You're packing already? I thought they didn't need you until a few weeks?"

Maggie turned to her from the cabinet, "I-they want me there soon. I've been trying to find you to tell you in person because- they want me there by the end of the week."

"Oh," Meredith swallowed.

"So I'm uh, wrapping up my cases. Handing them off and I'll be on the committee for a new head of cardio via zoom or whatever you need," Maggie quietly added, "I know. It's fast. I didn't expect it either."

She hadn't but Meredith blinked away the tears that threatened to form, "No, uh, it's fine. I get it."

It was happening. It was all really happening and nothing was stopping it.

"What about you?" Maggie turned to place her sweater in her tote, "When do you leave?"

"Soon. As soon as the kids are off school and the program's cleared," Meredith shoved her hands in her scrubs' pockets, "At least we hope it will. Derek's got a few ideas he's working out and I still have chief stuff."

A beat of silence.

"Did he talk to Amelia?"

"Oh, I think he made things worse," Meredith sighed, "You?"

"No," Maggie shrugged, "I tried but she locked herself in her lab."

"I'm uh, gonna let you finish packing, I uh, gotta find Griffith and Adams-"

"Mer!"

Meredith turned from the door.

"I'm gonna miss you, you know," Maggie smiled, "Besides we uh, we should celebrate all that's happening soon."

"Yeah," Meredith thought about the first night they'd drank together, "We should."

She shut the door behind her and walked down the hallway.

"Woah, you look like crap," Alex's voice called out.

"Shut up, you look worse," she smirked.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong," she rolled her eyes.

"It's the Maggie thing isn't it?"

"Why does everyone say that?" Meredith rolled her eyes as they continued their path down the hallway, "I have more than that going on."

"Spill."

"I've been trying to leave this damn place for years. Everytime I try, something happens that stops me."

"Or you're just too attached," Alex shrugged.

"Alex" she chided, "I thought Maggie was gonna freak out because we were leaving- she freaked out last year- turns out she's leaving. And then I thought my kids were gonna be pissed, turns out Bailey is fine with it-"

"What about the munchkin? She's always a toss," Alex asked.

"Oh her only concern is the treehouse her daddy just built her which he will build again wherever the hell we move," Meredith rambled, "No shoe is dropping. I'm waiting for it to drop because…it always does. Car crashes, comas, fights over jealousy, something always happens and nothing is happening."

"Is it really hard for you to accept that something good is happening? That maybe this is what should happen and it's finally time?"

Meredith stared at him. Nothing had been in their way so far. There were no signs that this decision was wrong.

So then why did she still have the feeling that this was all wrong?

Her phone rang, "Adams. I gotta go."

---

"You should stop by the house soon to play with Bailey," his uncle's voice startled him.

"Crap," Lucas blinked as he stopped kicking the soccer ball, "I was gonna go find you earlier. It's just that Dr. Grey has me on this and I'm-"

"It's fine," Derek shook his head, "Is this you focusing on said case?"

"Keeps my head clear," Lucas reached for the soccer ball and turned to the scan, "I uh, used all the scans he had at each hospital and put them all together. Like a movie. We were looking at tiny parts of a moment but if we look at the whole thing-"

"You look at the bigger picture," Derek nodded approvingly, "This must've taken you a while."

"Yeah, but it was worth it. Simone's getting Dr. Grey now," Lucas nodded, "Hey, you needed me for something right?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed, "You were on Ndugu's service last week."

"Oh, he told you," Lucas swallowed.

"Yeah, you did," Derek sighed, "You were distracted during the consult, you didn't have a surgical plan when he asked for one, when they tasked you with discharge papers-"

"I know, I know. I screwed up again," he threw the ball angrily at the wall. It narrowly missed the monitors.

"Why am I here? I keep screwing up," he raised his arms and dropped them, "I-I thought I was here on my own merit only to discover that you'd been put in charge of the program, you know what, you might as well just cut me, you're leaving anyway!"

"Don't be stupid, I'm not going to cut you out of the program," Derek scoffed as he motioned to a chair.

Lucas watched him apprehensively. He couldn't tell which side of this person he was getting.

Derek kicked the ball towards him and sat across the chair he'd previously motioned too.

"And you need to shut up about me leaving because that's not public knowledge yet," Derek sighed as he sat back.

"Well then maybe you should watch what you yell in your office," Lucas muttered. The soccer ball rolled under his foot before he turned to look at the attending, "Did you need something?"

"Look," Derek sighed, "My job as director is to keep tabs on all of you. Your abilities, your capabilities. Your strengths, your weaknesses."

"You care," he continued, "Deeply. You take things to heart. And when you dive deep in a case, it has your complete attention with nearly no distractions. You are fixated on it until you solve it."

"But?"

"You get distracted. Easily. You have poor disorganization skills, lack attention to details-"

"Yeah, okay, I get it-" Lucas rubbed his temple.

"I'm not done," Derek interrupted sternly- as if he were talking to one of his own kids, "Hyperfocus is also commonly found-"

Lucas thought back to the last case he'd worked on with him. Even then he'd been reprimanded over time.

"Daniel," he realized, "I spent hours reading his case-"

"Exactly. And you did the same here. Dr. Grey also broke down everything for you, right? She had you make a list. She broke down her orders for you today and she gave you time with specific instructions," Derek nodded, "I uh, I think you should look into getting tested for ADHD."

Lucas stared at him, "Okay, now you're just trying to pick things-"

"Lucas-" Derek sighed as he closed his eyes. He expected a fight from him, it'd be normal.

"You're trying to-"

"Shep! I'm not trying to pick a fight. It's an observation. It's my job, remember? As director?" Derek explained, "If you read articles on it, you'll find that a lot of the things I just mentioned will be on there. I may be wrong but it's not a bad idea to look into it."

"My mother is a shrink. We're a family of doctors, shouldn't one of you have-"

"Noticed? Yeah, listen I get your relationship with Kate is complicated to say the least- God knows mine is- but being a parent is hard," he sighed, "It's hard being objective and looking at things differently especially when you see it everyday at work."

"We didn't know Zola had anxiety until she had a full panic attack right in front of me," he swallowed, "Her mom had flown to Minnesota for a trial, I'd stayed here and we were at one of Bailey's games. Mer called and said she'd be missing her flight and Zo overheard. She panicked," he shrugged, "She was terrified that the plane would crash the way it-"

"Aw man," Lucas exhaled.

"Yeah. I should've seen the signs. She's had a lot of trauma and now we're here. We didn't see it coming," Derek pressed his lips together, "I'm not diagnosing you, I'm just suggesting you get it checked out."

Derek stood from the chair and made his way to the door before Lucas asked a question he hoped it wouldn't, "What if that's not it? What if you're wrong?"

Derek stared ahead as he thought carefully about his answer. He turned slowly to face his intern, "We'll cross that bridge when we get there. In the meantime, just think about it."

The door burst open suddenly with another intern entering, "Oh, sorry Dr. Shepherd-"

"Oh, Griffith I was just on my way out," Derek grinned as he stepped out with Lucas' words ringing in his ears.

If he was wrong- which he could be- he'd have to find another reason as to why Lucas still struggled. And he needed to help him get it together fast so that more strings wouldn't be left untied.

---

Meredith had been surprised. Lucas' findings had saved their patient's life with just one endoscopy. She'd let him use the forceps to retrieve the foreign object out.

"Nicely done, Dr. Adams," Meredith praised as she scrubbed out, "Great save. If that toothpick had stayed in there it would have done more damage. I'm impressed!"

"Thank you Dr. Grey," he smiled, "But Dr. Griffith really helped."

There was something sweet in witnessing young love. The beginning stages where one is too shy to confess any feelings or in this case, when one just couldn't be honest because the other already had a life. Meredith knew too well of that but she was hopeful that the universe would spin things into his favor the way it had for her.

"Oh, no, this was all you," Simone smiled back at him, "I'll start on the post-op notes."

"Thank you," Meredith grinned as the resident walked out.

Meredith sighed as she turned to Lucas, "You okay?"

"Derek said that uh, I should look into getting tested for ADHD," he reached for a towel and dried his hands, "What if I can't-"

"He's had that theory for a while," Meredith threw the towel in the bin, "He's been paying close attention to all of you but a few things stood out and when we met with all the attendings he had a lot of questions and a lot of notes on every single one of you, so, he didn't just randomly think of this."

"How long?"

"He's your director, his job requires him to pay attention from the instant you begin your internship. It also helped that you lived with us and you spent time with him and Bailey, so,," she shrugged, "I know that you're pissed at him because you overheard that we're leaving so he didn't know how to tell you."

He tossed the towel in the bin. In the blink of an eye it could all go away- right? No one in his family, the great Shepherd clan, had said a word. No one had the slightest inkling?

"That would explain the black sheep thing," Lucas shook his head, "I never fit in and I never…why didn't anyone pick up on it."

"Someone did," Meredith shrugged, "You're not a black sheep. You're not an outcast, whatever the outcome or decision is. You are more than that."

He scoffed.

"I hated my name. I hated being a Grey. I hated that everyone knew I was a Grey and that everyone compared me to my mother. For better or for worse, I was always like her, I never escaped her. I even thought about changing my name for one second when I married your uncle and then I shook that thought away because I'm me."

He shifted as he listened carefully, "Yeah but you still turned out to be The Meredith Grey."

"Still doesn't mean I didn't live under her shadow. I've lived with her shadow my whole life," she shrugged, "Everyone in my class knew I was her daughter- my best friend called me out on it once. And Dr. Webber was chief then and the first thing he told me was that I looked just like her. I was pretty sure I got into the program because of her."

"Well isn't that why I got in here? Because of Derek? And Amelia?"

"No," Meredith shook her head, "I mean it's a leg up but you have to give me some credit. You're not here because you're a Shepherd. You're here because you made your case as to why you deserve a chance."

"I guess."

Meredith chuckled, "You show promise. I mean, you've got some things to work on but many surgeons start that way. Look at Jackson Avery, he also had a legacy behind him- a mother who is a world renowned urologist and Harper Avery himself- the surgeon, not the ass- and he used to drop instruments in the OR all the time. Mark Sloan didn't even want to teach him at first."

"Uncle Mark? Yeah, he yelled at anyone he didn't like."

"Sounds like him. But he taught Jackson. And he became a damn good surgeon and now runs the foundation that keeps our hospital's funding up," Meredith whispered, "Shepherd's just a name. What you do with what you have is what matters."

"How'd you shake off the feeling?" Lucas asked curiously, "About the name?"

Meredith exhaled as she tried to find an honest answer. She couldn't.

"I didn't," she shrugged, "I just made peace with it."

Lucas watched her make her way towards the door, "Aunt Mer?"

She turned to him with a gentle look.

"You should call me Shep," he swallowed, "Sorry I snapped earlier."

"It's okay, we all have our moments," Meredith smiled and raised a brow, "But, I won't do that here. I want updates every hour."

"Yes, chief," Lucas turned to the empty OR. The Grey Shepherds would be leaving him to his own defenses soon. It'd be his job to either look into his uncle's findings or to keep drowning in his own mess.

---

Derek peaked into the treehouse before entering. He smiled at the little girl with the small braid her mother had tenderly crafted before he took her to school. She laid on the bed in the nook with a workbook in her lap, her small brow furrowed in concentration.

"I'm surprised you haven't moved all your things in here."

Ellis turned to look at him from her work and sat up straight, "What's the point? We're leaving anyway."

"Mm," Derek hummed, "I know you're mad at me."

Ellis twisted her mouth into an unsatisfied knot, "I'm not mad, it's just-"

She exhaled as she tried to look for words. Derek watched as her irises darkened and as she searched for the right way to express her emotions. She was a tough one, his youngest. She was an intelligent girl with a bucket full of emotions. Sometimes she knew how to work through them but she was still a child. She was still learning.

"You're upset," Derek whispered as he sat on an empty chair slightly too small for an adult, "And that's okay. You're allowed to be upset. At me and momma."

"I just don't want to leave my treehouse," she whispered, "I want to be a good sister to Zola. I want to be good but I'm also upset about it."

"Just because you're upset, it doesn't mean you're bad," Derek explained, "It doesn't mean that you're a bad sister or that you're mean. "

Derek grimaced at his own words. Amelia came to mind as he said them. She'd been angry. She'd been cruel. But so had he.

Ellis quietly fiddled with the pencil she'd been using to complete her homework.

"Do you need some help?" he asked, "I'm really good at the math part. Although this new math you kids are learning gives me a headache."

"No, I'm almost done," she smiled, "Mom said she would check it for me."

He looked around. She had absolutely personalized it with drawings and her favorite things. Like an old purple knitted blanket, a pillow in the shape of a star both on the nook where a few books lay unopened. Zola's old stuffed animals were in a basket by the corner. Bailey's old soccer trophies. Ellis had brought a little of her siblings to the treehouse. To her space- their space.

"I love what you've done with the place," he smiled as he continued his visual tour.

"Thank you," Ellis returned to her work as her dad looked up at the wall. She'd taped up a variety of drawings, old postcards she'd insisted on buying, posters of insignificant things, some polaroids taken with the camera they'd bought Zola years ago- one of the Little Grey Shepherds standing proudly by the ferryboat, another of Ellis and Zola standing together in their dresses, another of Bailey with his softball uniform and his dad standing proudly next to him with a trophy, another of Meredith and Ellis sitting on a table with sunglasses and ice cream cones. Strawberry clearly. And a final one of Ellis and Derek, both pulling silly faces, air blowing into their cheeks and eyes wide open at the camera. He'd taken that when Zola had left her camera outside unattended and Ellis had giggled endlessly at the final result. A string of lights hung around the edges of the nook.

"I'm gonna find us a house with a treehouse," Derek announced, "A big one. And if you don't like it, I'll fix it until you do."

Ellis' eyes widened in surprise, "You don't have to Daddy, you already built this one."

For all the fuss that she'd been spoiled since forever, she'd been quite mature in this situation. Perhaps it was the childlike attachment she'd formed and the fact that this would always be her one true treehouse.

"I know," Derek smiled as he tenderly reached to push her hair behind her ear, "Just because we're leaving or just because Zo needs something right now, it doesn't mean we've forgotten about you or Bailey. We know we're asking a lot out of you."

Ellis smiled, and before she could say anything a voice below them called.

"Dad? Ellis?" Zola bellowed, "Mom says if you guys don't come in for dinner she's gonna eat both your plates!"

Derek smirked as he widened his eyes to his youngest, "C'mon, she had a long day today, she means it!"

---

Derek tightened the tie around his neck. He stared at the indigo tie through the mirror hung up in the cabinet of his office.

It had been a week since the board had finally approved all his changes, his suggestions, and even approved the grant he and Meredith had proposed. He just hoped all of it would be enough for Jamarah Blake to finally clear their program.

"You nervous?" a familiar voice called to him from his door. He slightly closed the door of the cabinet and sighed.

"That's the second time you adjust your tie," Meredith closed the door behind her as she approached him. There were no scrubs for her today, either. She wore black trousers and a navy silk blouse. Her hair loosely tied in a bun tucked by her neck, "You chose a good one."

"What if I fail you? What if Blake tanks us again-"

"You are not gonna fail me," Meredith rolled her eyes as she reached for his tie. She wasn't sure whether she was reaching for his sake or her own, "You screwed up the knot again. I'm starting to think you do it on purpose just so I can fix it."

"I'm a big boy, I can knot my own tie," he shook his head, "We haven't even presented Yasuda with the grant."

"Because we just got the approval yesterday, Derek, and she had already left for the day" she rolled her eyes, "I paged her, she should be on her way up."

"Leave it alone, don't touch it," She pulled on the tail of his neck tie, "Everything's gonna be fine. The program is going to get cleared. You did good, Derek."

"We did good.," he sighed. He quickly glanced at the mirror and shut the cabinet. He loosened the tie slightly, "This program? It's your doing. I'm just following orders. You, Chief Grey, are a good chief."

"You are doing it on purpose," She smiled as he approached her. She didn't bother with the tie again, instead she focused on how he gently pressed his lips against hers. Softly. A gentle kiss just to thank her for the unwavering support. To ease his nerves and her own.

"Derek, what's wrong?" she pulled back and ran her hair against his smooth cheek, "Besides the program, what's going on in your head?"

Derek sighed as he stepped back, "Amelia is still not talking to me."

"She's not talking to me either," Meredith sighed as she moved to sit on the ledge of his desk, "Maggies said she's sober. She's been staying at the house with her when she's not at her place packing."

Derek hummed in response before the door burst open with Dr. Yasuda running in, "Oh uh, Chief Grey, Dr. Shepherd, you paged?"

Derek stepped to stand next to the chief, "Yeah, listen we want to talk to you about-"

"Okay before you fire me, I quit!"

Meredith glanced between Derek and the intern. She still sat on the ledge as she raised a brow, "You quit?"

"Yes. Before you fire me," she bravely swallowed, "I quit because, yes, I've made mistakes and I accept the consequences I receive but the only mistake that I constantly seem to make is not having enough money to work here."

"Mika-" Derek sighed.

"I wasn't born with a silver spoon or the family pedigree to fall back on," she continued, "but my student loans are real. And the risk of my parents losing their home is also real-"

"Dr. Yasuda," Meredith tried to no avail.

"I think you both know I bust my ass for this program," she confidently straightened her posture, "I am devoted to this program but not at the expense of my health. I can't be devoted and work a second job or be constantly berated. And offering me a trailer doesn't cut it, so I quit."

"Are you done?" Derek crossed his arms.

"Yes?" she furrowed his brow, "Was-was I not going to be fired?"

"No," Derek shook his head, "You were not. You've been selected to be our first recipient for an emergency relief fund."

"We started this program with the intention of doing better," Meredith continued, "And that means helping where we can. And it's exactly what we plan to do."

"It won't pay all your loans. It's intention is help you make ends meet so you don't feel the burnout you are feeling now," Derek smiled, "I listened to you and you're right, you do kick ass here so-"

He reached to his desk and grabbed an envelope and offered it to the intern, "You still want to quit?"

"No," Yasuda took the envelope as emotion overwhelmed her, "I don't. I'm just getting started. Thank you."

"You deserve it," Meredith smiled, "You have a surgery. Dr. Shepherd will talk logistics with you later."

Yasuda walked towards the door before turning to the pair, "You have no idea what this means to me. Thank you for listening, Dr. Shepherd."

The door closed behind her. Meredith turned her gaze to her husband, "You offered her the trailer?"

He shrugged, "I thought I was helping."

She laughed before both their phones went off, "Oh, that's for you. Jamarah Blake is here."

Derek groaned before he made his way to the door.

"Hey"

Derek turned as his hand gripped the knob, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

"I am a good chief," Meredith smirked, "And I chose a good director. You got this."

He smiled as he walked out.

---

"I gotta say, Dr. Shepherd," Jamarah closed her notepad and turned to him. They'd been in the conference room for a while now after touring the hospital, the new facilities, and interviewing interns, "I am thoroughly impressed with how you've managed to turn this program around."

"You left a heavy list," Derek answered, "It took us a bit but we stepped back and Chief Grey knew exactly what we needed to get back on track."

"I can see that," she tilted her head respectively, "Let me ask you something. The last time I was here you and Dr. Grey- who happens to be your wife- had one foot in the door and the other out."

"I don't hear the question," Derek furrowed his brow.

"Am I to expect any surprises?" Jamarah stared at him. Her brown eyes seeked the truth and there would be no way out.

"Dr. Grey and I will both be leaving at the end of the year," he sighed, "But we have candidates for both positions lined up and it'll be up to the board to decide who fills them in."

Jamarah opened her notepad and took notes, "It's interesting you say that-"

"We didn't know we'd be leaving until recently when our family needs proved to be too big," Derek swallowed. This had been a major obstacle and a reason to shut the program down initially that he was sure she wouldn't clear them after his confession, "We're surgeons and teachers but before that we're parents. Just like these kids who are people before surgeons."

Derek shrugged, "Our family takes precedence. We care about this program and we want to see it's clearance through."

Jamarah tapped the notepad with her pen before speaking, "I spoke to every single intern in the program. I looked at their records and I was surprised to see that most were not nearly the top of their class the way that you've previously admitted them, their attending's notes are not the greatest, and they carry heavy baggage."

"Dr. Grey's vision of this new program was to give those that showed promise a second chance," he explained. Not many understood but he did.

"And that's exactly what these interns are getting," Jamarah nodded, "You and Dr. Grey are a loss to this program, your names were repeated by each intern over and over again but, you've built a strong foundation."

The door burst open suddenly with Lucas at the door, "Oh, uh, sorry, Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Grey and I have a patient and she asked me to come look for you. We need an urgent consult."

"Dr. Amelia Shepherd isn't-?"

"She's in surgery and can't step out," Lucas shook his head.

Any thought of Meredith trying to pull him out solely for the purpose of distancing from their visit was thrown out the window when he saw the desperation in her eye. She stood in front of the scans in her navy scrubs. She was supposed to meet him during his final meeting with Blake until he'd heard she'd been pulled in for a trauma.

"22, she was in an MVC, and presented with abdominal pain," Meredith explained quickly, "We went in for an ex lap and repaired her spleen. It went well. It was a relatively simple procedure. We were about to remove ventilation-"

"I did everything Dr. Grey indicated, we did everything right," Lucas added quickly. Derek glanced at the two.

"Tell me I'm rusty and that I'm not looking at what I think I'm looking at," Meredith stared at him.

He shook his head, "You're not rusty. She had a massive hemorrhage it's gone into-"

"-the ventricular system," Lucas swallowed as he stared at the CT scan in front of him. It was exactly what Meredith had explained she feared. Their patient had stroked out. No matter how perfect the surgery had gone, they lost their patient.

"I can go in and do a formal exam in a few hours but-"

"She's most likely brain dead," Lucas finished for him again.

Meredith exhaled and rested her forehead on her hand, "Adams, prep for an EEG and get me her emergency contacts if they've got them already."

The pair watched as Adams shoulders dropped and he walked out of the OR, mentally beating himself up for the loss.

"I'm gonna go check on-"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed as she heard him walk out of the scan room. SHe reached to rub the back of her neck when her eyes met with the woman at the door.

"Ms. Blake," Meredith greeted, "I was going to meet with you and Dr. Shepherd but-"

"Duty called," Jamarah shrugged, "I'm sorry about your loss."

"Thanks," Meredith swallowed, "Are there any questions you need to ask me or anything Dr. Shepherd was going to review?"

She kindly nodded and extended a hand, "I think I've seen everything I needed to. I'll be in touch within the upcoming days."

"Days?" Meredith asked as she reached for the hand, "We were hoping-"

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd explained your situation," Jamarah sighed, "Unfortunately, it's how the system is run. I will do my best to inform you swiftly."

Meredith sighed as she watched the woman make her way down the hall. She turned once more with a pleasant smile plastered on her face.

"For the record," she returned, "I do think this new program of yours is just what was needed. Congratulations."

Rare were the times Meredith was rendered speechless. Another box ticked in her list of things to do- even if it wasn't official yet.

Things at Grey Sloan were turning around and it was swimming in clear waters.

---

"Wow," A familiar voice called out from the bottom of the staircase.

Ellis peaked down to find her Aunt Amelia standing next to the stairs admiring the tree house.

"You really went all out with your new treehouse didn't you? Scout would love this so much he might just want to move in there."

Ellis looked around, "Do you want to see the inside?"

"Are you kidding?" Amelia smiled at her niece, "I want to see all of it!"

The end of the week came by a little too fast and Amelia knew she was not supposed to be on the premises. Much less in the treehouse her brother had built his daughter. But she needed to make amends and that started with him.

Everything started with him. And she hated that.

"Woah," Amelia awed in wonder as she walked through the entry, "Your Dad did an awesome job. I heard Bailey and Zola helped too."

"They built me a treehouse only for us to move," the little girl grumbled.

"I heard about that," Amelia muttered as she grabbed a pillow and sat next to Ellis in her nook, "You don't want to move?"

"Kinda," Ellis shrugged, "I like the idea of starting over but this is our home. It's our house. It's my treehouse that my dad built me. And you and Scout are here and we can't leave you alone. Aunt Maggie is leaving too."

"Ah," Amelia nodded, "You know when I was about your age, your dad and I used to go bike riding. He'd go with me even though he was a teenager and he did not like hanging out with his sisters because I missed out on our dad taking me out bike riding."

Amelia softly smiled at the memory.

"He tried to take care of me, the way Bailey and Zola take care of you," Amelia continued, "He doesn't always get it right because no one is perfect but your dad always tries to do the right thing. Even if it's not always what he wants. But what he really wants is for you and your siblings to get the best chance you can get, and I'm sure moving isn't easy for him either, but he's trying. And so is your mom."

"I didn't like it when I heard," Amelia confessed, "Your mom is like my sister and your dad is my brother and the closest thing I have to a dad but I know that what he loves most in this world are his kids and he would move the world for you."

"I have a good dad," Ellis whispered, "And a good mom. I love them a lot."

"Me too," Amelia nodded.

"Ellis Carolyn!" Derek called out from the bottom of the tree, "Are you still up there?"

"Uh-oh," Amelia chuckled, "He used your full name. I know what that means."

"I gotta go," Ellis stood up and quickly embraced her aunt, "Thank you Aunt Amy."

It was the first time she'd called her that. Her father had made it clear she was Amelia. Aunt Amelia.

But Amelia couldn't help but smile at the endearment. It felt right that an extension of her brother shared her nickname.

"You're welcome, Ellis," Amelia gently pulled back, "Go. Before your dad goes crazy."

Ellis quickly used the opposite latter and climbed back down. Amelia could hear her niece tell her father how she was talking to her Aunt Amelia. He told her to wash up for dinner and could hear the giggles echo in the yard.

Amelia popped her head out the window and leaned on the ledge she watched his face drop. In surprise? Disappointment?

"I thought I told you-"

"I just came from a meeting," Amelia swallowed a lump, "Uh, you can vouch with Richard although it kind of defeats the whole anonymous thing but he uh, he came with me. He's been taking me to one every day this week because he was worried when he found out about Maggie and you two."

"You've been going to meetings? You've been sober?"

Amelia shrugged, "I've been spiraling but I'm good. Still clean."

He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and exhaled, relief washing over him.

"You built a pretty good one."

"I think so," Derek looked up at the house and smiled, "Ellis really likes it."

Amy nodded, "Can we talk?"

"Are you gonna make me climb up there?"

"I mean," Amelia smirked, "Might as well live our childhood dreams of having a huge treehouse like this one."

Derek nodded as he took the first step up the stairs and met her in the treehouse.

"Where did you find the time to build this?" Amy asked as he stepped in.

"I hired a few guys to help out some days but, don't tell my kids that. It ruins the magic," he smirked as he sat next to her in the nook she was sitting at.

"I knew it," Amelia laughed, "You were like that growing up. You always tried to keep me in a bubble and wanted me to believe in magic and wishes and unicorns."

"You still believe in unicorns," he teased.

"What kind of moron doesn't believe in unicorns?" Amelia scoffed as her brother chuckled.

"I'm sorry," Amelia gulped, "I'm really sorry for the way I've treated you. For blaming you for how I feel when all you're doing is protecting your family."

Amelia slightly chuckled, "I know it wasn't easy for you and Mer. I know it must've been the hardest decision you've made and that you're not running."

"I'm not," Derek insisted. An echo of their fights rang in his ears as he swallowed his pride, "I shouldn't have said what I said. I should've been more patient-"

"I was spiraling and I needed someone to put me in my place," Amelia shook her head, "Your execution sucked but you had good intentions."

They laughed together, briefly forgetting their fight and their cruel words tossed at one another.

"You were fine last year when we said we were leaving for Minnesota," Derek turned to her, "What's different now? What changed?

"I guess I knew it wasn't going to happen?" Amelia shrugged, "I don't know it felt like there was a chance I'd see you if I were flying back and forth for the trial and with Boston it just doesn't feel that way. And Maggie was still here."

She stared ahead and shrugged absentmindedly. The tears in her eyes stung as she looked up, suppressing them to avoid her brother's concerned gaze, "Everyone is leaving."

"But you're my brother," she whispered as she turned to look at him, "And we've been together for some of the hardest things life has thrown at us. And somewhere down the line we managed to get through it. But this is where we meet our crossroads. I gotta grow up. Figure it out for myself, now."

"Amy," Derek sighed. Amelia realized it had been the first time he'd called her that in weeks. Her eyes widened as they met his, "You've been figuring it out yourself for years. And you're not alone, you're anything but alone."

"Scout," She smiled, "I fear he might be too young to deal with my craziness."

"You've managed to keep people around you because you care about them so deeply," he turned to her, "I'm not abandoning you and neither is Meredith. We're just-"

"Taking care of your family," she pressed her lips together in a thin line, "like you protected me as a kid."

He nodded. He'd tried and failed. Over and over again. But he wouldn't anymore. His sister was grown, and she was doing it all on her own. She was strong and she was resilient.

But his kids were still young. Still little. Still needed protection.

"You go," Amelia smiled through her tears, "You go and be the dad of the century and build more treehouses and stuff. I'll be okay."

"I know you will," He nodded as he stood up and made his way to the stairs, "You sure you don't want to stay for dinner? It's mac and cheese today."

"Another time," Amelia smiled, "I need to make amends with your wife and I don't want to do it in front of the kids. I owe her better."

---

"Okay, let's make a list, what do we want?"

Ellis looked up at her dad with a glare, as if the obvious were right in front of him, "Well we already said a treehouse."

Meredith laughed. Of course he'd already promised that. They'd been sitting around the fire table in the yard eating chocolate ice-cream. An evening very well spent. Ellis sat in the arms of her mother while the other two sat on each side of their father.

"Okay, that's number one, a treehouse," Derek popped his spoon in his mouth.

Zola turned to him, "Our own rooms like we have here."

"Oh we were thinking that now that you and Bails are in the hugging stages, maybe you can share a room like when you were little," Meredith teased.

"No!" tha pair replied in tandem.

"Okay, individual rooms," Derek chuckled, "Got it, anything else?"

"A yard. A big yard so I can play baseball and soccer," Bailey added.

"Of course!" Derek nodded, "Massive. We need a massive yard."

"Can we get a dog? If we have a big yard, we can share-"

"Uh, nice try baby girl," Meredith chuckled as her fingers delicately combed her daughter's blonde locks, "You got your treehouse, let's not start on the dog thing."

"We'll talk later," Derek mouthed before he noticed his wife's glare, "Momma what do you want in our new house?"

"Bathtub," she answered with no hesitation, "A big bathtub. What about you?"

Derek shook his head, "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Meredith echoed. The kids turned to him with looks of confusion.

"What does that mean?" Zola looked around, "Dad, what do you mean?"

He chuckled slightly as he finished the last bit of the ice cream in his bowl, "I want three Little Grey Shepherds in a home, happy and healthy, and I want my wife thriving, happy and healthy."

He shrugged as he pictured it. A new life. A new start. A beginning they so desperately deserved.

"That's all I want," he smiled at the four lights of his life, "I don't need anything else."

Across from him was his wife, sitting on a lounge chair with their youngest in her lap. Years ago, if you had told him he'd been married to the girl he'd met at the bar with three children, he would've believed it. Because from the instant he'd kissed her, he knew exactly what he wanted. Even if he stumbled along the way. He knew they were just meant to be.

Bailey stood from his seat suddenly, "Hey Dad, wanna play catch?"

"Aren't you tired from your game today?" Meredith scoffed as Ellis jumped off excitedly.

"I want to play!"

Derek turned to his eldest, "C'mon I'm getting old, come play with us."

His almost teenager rolled her eyes playfully, "Fine."

Meredith laughed as the quartet stood excitedly from their seats and ran off to the grass. Bailey picked up a basket of softballs and gloves he kept at hand and distributed them. This is what she's always wanted. Even if she didn't always know she wanted it.

A flourishing career- carved by her own name and talent.

A husband who understood her dark and twisty ways and who loved her endlessly.

And three perfect children with their own personalities.

This was happiness.

A sudden jolt in her chest took her breath away. She swallowed a lump.

They were moving. The Grey Shepherd family was leaving Seattle. And nothing was stopping them. Nothing.

---

Derek happily waltzed into their bedroom removing his watch, "Oh, they are rowdy tonight. Bailey still wanted to go at it for a while and I'm sure the girls were giving him a run for his money. Ellis has got a nice throw. It almost reminded me of Lexie for a second there."

He walked over to the drawer stand to grab his things, "I'm gonna take a shower. Did you take one already or do you- Meredith?"

His eyes fell to the figure on the floor. A word he'd never use to describe his wife was 'small'. She was anything but small. She commanded presence wherever she was. With compassion, with care, even in silence. You couldn't help but to notice the lithe blonde barking orders, rambling, or quietly observing.

But now, she sat on the floor, curled up to herself, her arms wrapped around her legs, and her breath shallow by the corner of his night table. Hidden from immediate view. She seemed so…small.

"Meredith, what's wrong? What are you doing on the floor?" he asked worriedly as he stepped towards her

"I'm waiting," she muttered with a swallow.

"Waiting?" he asked, "For what?"

"For the shoe to drop. For the universe to remind me that it hates me. For the bomb or the crash or the fire or-," she swallowed, "I'm waiting for the moment that everything goes terribly wrong and I'm waiting for-"

"Hey, hey, look at me-" Derek bent down to her level. His head telling him to keep himself collected and his heart racing at the sight of distress.

"The universe hates me, remember? It says 'Screw you, Meredith' and takes everything I care about away," she angrily answered, "All the times we broke up, the miscarriage, the shooting, the car crashes, the patient attacks, the coma, it hates me and everything is too good-"

"Nothing's going to happen," he wrapped both hands around her cheeks.

"It's too perfect- I mean almost," she continued with tears rolling down her cheeks, "I mean Amy is still pissed but, everyone is cheering us on and the kids accepted it and the program's almost fixed and you're looking for a house and- and -and I can't- It's just too perfect and I am terrified that it'll all go away."

"It's not gonna go away-"

"I used to say I'd be happy alone because if it all fell apart I knew I wouldn't make it and you and the kids- I won't make it. I can't make it if something happened to you or the kids. I can't and it's just too right. It's too perfect and I'm just waiting because if I sit and wait, at least-"

He could feel his own heart break as he watched her break down, "Meredith-"

"The last time everything was perfect there was a car crash," she whispered, "And it nearly took everything away. And then I almost died. And everything almost ended. There was no sunset to run off to!"

"I know," he nodded, "But nothing's gonna happen, we're okay, the kids are okay, it'll be okay."

"I'm waiting to pay the price for the happy ending, Derek," she whispered, "Why do I always have to pay a price?"

"You're not gonna pay anything, we are okay. We're all okay," he insisted before she uttered the words that terrified him most.

"I'm gonna get Alzheimer's aren't I?" she gasped, "It's gonna be what I pay? Is that what the universe is going to take from me? Or God? Or whatever is out there because if it is, then what is the point of even trying to-?"

"Hey, hey, look at me, look me in the eyes," he redirected her gaze to him, a strategy he used when Zola had her own moments, "You do not have to pay for anything, you hear me? You've already paid more than enough in this lifetime and I'm not gonna let anything happen to us, I promise."

"You can't-"

"I can," he nodded reassuringly as his thumbs rubbed the tears away, "I can and I am. We are leaving for Boston with our children. Zola is going to thrive and we will continue with the therapy and do family therapy to help the other two. Bailey is healthy, he hasn't been in danger for a while. And Ellis is good. She's okay. Everyone is okay."

"Okay," Meredith swallowed as she hung onto each and every word that came out of his mouth. She clenched the fabric of his shirt.

"We're gonna be okay," he promised as he shifted to sit next to her, "Come here."

She pushed herself closer until her head was buried in his chest. His arms soothingly ran up and down her arm as he whispered instructions to breathe.

Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.

As the world silenced around her, she tried convincing herself that truly, everything would be okay. No matter what change came towards them.

---

A/N: What a long chapter! Woo!

Alright so much going on so let's get to it. I love with my whole heart Amelia Shepherd. I am a sucker for the Shepherd Sibs and one thing I have observed (we can agree to disagree) is that they can be quite cruel when they are angry. Push their buttons enough and cruel words vomit out. It's something they have in common. Yes, Derek is more of a hot head but when Amy spirals, she yells at the top of her lungs and her words sting. I have always wanted to pin them against each other and I thought this was the best opportunity. Derek's desperate to help his kids and wife and Amy is lonely so they clash and they say cruel things they don't mean. But, they love each other and come together the way the little Grey Shepherds do. In the treehouse. I love that damn thing. Lucas has this particular storyline in s19 and I was intrigued and think Derek would've handled it differently given that he's related to Lucas. Speaking of the Director of Residency, we've seen badass Chief Mer in action, I wanted to show badass Director Derek. He may not have been the best chief but his intentions were always noble (I mean, he did bring Kepner back, woo!) I also wanted to show the dynamic between parent MerDer and Doctors MerDer. They're a great team and I can totally see them in their best professional clothes being the badass pair. And lastly, the big one. Meredith. Oh, my girl is not used to happy endings. She's never had one. Every time she does, she pays for it. So the anxiety has been brewing because for the first time there are no obstacles. There's nothing in their way. Everything is perfect.

And it is anxiety inducing for someone who hates change and who has had more loss than is fair. And that's why she breaks down.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for reviewing. Please keep reviewing! I hope you enjoyed!