Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Reflecting on a Reflection
My expectations were too high. For weeks I was faced with an impatient eagerness that made me fidgety and alert. Nothing was happening! We were still waiting for Dobby to spring our trap. Hermione was still campaigning for house-elf equality. And Adrian still hadn't asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him. I tried to make eye contact with him as much as possible as if my pupils alone would be enough to clue him into the fact that I was waiting for an invitation. Whenever we were together, if he moved, even if it was just to ink his quill, I was aware of it and trying to see if this was the moment that he'd ask. I didn't get it. Why hadn't he asked me yet? In his culture, wasn't the wizard always asking the witch? Because I'm pretty sure that we had gotten into a fight about something similar last year.
The first Hogsmeade weekend was only a week away. Was he just assuming that because we were dating, he didn't have to ask me to stuff? For days I existed with these types of thoughts swimming around in my head. It made my mood take a turn for the worse. And I mean the type of mood that has me snapping at innocent people that can't help but be stupid. Poor Finnigan. I'm not sure he'll recover.
Fred and George were maneuvering around me like I was a land mine about to explode. I rarely got into moods like this. And I could count on one hand the number of times I took out my harsh feelings on my fellow triplets. But they were boys. And all boys who have any sort of survival instinct know not to agitate a pissed-off girl.
I wasn't able to break out of my foul mood until this morning; standing in front of a bathroom mirror as I brushed my teeth. There was just something off about my reflection. But I couldn't quite place my finger on it. Currently, I don't have any pimples and there weren't any new freckles dotting my face. I kept staring at my reflection and couldn't figure it out until there was a thin ring of toothpaste foam outlining my mouth. It wasn't a specific aspect I was unhappy about. It was me, my perspective, that was making me dislike myself. And wasn't that worth a second thought.
After spitting and rinsing, I stayed standing in front of the mirror; staring and contemplating. I've felt this way before. Not during the last fifteen years, but as Jessie. Jessie, the grown-ass woman who needed the affection of men to feel good about herself. The type of person who equated attractiveness with self-worth. Bloody hell, I thought as I embraced that realization. I had thought that part of my personality died along with Jessie's body. That specific trait hadn't persisted during my second childhood. Though, I guess I didn't have the hormones for it to occur. This body was at the end of puberty. I suppose that meant my personality was still developing as well. I sighed and bowed my head so I was no longer looking in the mirror. Jessie had been shallow. I can admit that now. It's easy to name faults when I am looking backward. But I thought Holly was better. I had hope that I had grown and learned from Jessie's mistakes. And they were big mistakes. Ones that played a part in my death. That much I am certain of, even if I can't remember the name and the face of the person who wielded the knife.
And maybe I wasn't as bad as I was when I was Jessie. I cared less about the clothes on my body. Nor did I spend hours on an expensive beauty regimen that didn't make a bloody difference. I didn't make plans and break them if I got a better offer down the road. And while I don't see myself as a charitable person, I do spend a lot of time worrying over my siblings. No, I wasn't shallow. At least not yet. But I might end up that way again if I didn't nip this negative feeling in the bud.
Why did it matter if Adrian asked me to Hogsmeade or not? And if he didn't, why did that mean I had to be in a bad mood? It definitely didn't mean that I could go and take my negativity out on others. I didn't bother looking in the mirror again as I raised my head. Instead, I turned on my heels and headed straight for the door, leaving my toothbrush and toothpaste on the sink ledge. I'll make sure to put them away properly tonight. Back in the fourth-year girls' dorm, I make a beeline for my bed. Vaguely, I notice that my two unimportant roommates have already left, and Angelina and Alicia were sitting on Alicia's bed as Angelina helped Alicia tie a red and gold ribbon around her ponytail. "Thanks, Ange", Alicia said as she peered into a little hand mirror she had brought from home. "I don't know why, but I can't tie a ribbon without it coming out crooked".
"Happy to help", Angelina responded as I started throwing books and parchment into my bookbag. Hopefully, I'll see Finnigan at breakfast. A not-shallow person would apologize for snapping at a kid because he said annoying things. Then, I'll go to potions class and solve my Adrian problem. No siree, I wasn't going to allow myself to wallow in my previous pitfalls. If Adrian not asking me to Hogsmeade was bugging me that much, then I'd just ask him myself. That was a much better option than acting like an irksome harpy. Besides, that day on the train I had told Adrian that I would be the one to call the shots in our relationship. It was time to live up to that intention. "Holly?" Angelina said as I swung my now packed bag onto my shoulder. "Aren't you going to brush your hair?"
I paused. Brush my hair? "Unless you want it to look like a lion's mane", Alicia piped up. Did I brush my hair this morning? I usually do that before brushing my teeth, but now I couldn't recall if I had.
"Does it look that bad?" I asked; reaching up to run a hand over my hair. It felt a bit coarse, but I didn't feel any knots. Did a not-shallow person care if her hair was unbrushed?
Angelina nodded her answer, while Alicia handed me her hand-held mirror. Having had quite enough of mirrors this morning, I was tempted not to take it. But wanting to see what they were talking about, I gave in and accepted the looking glass. My eyes widened. How did I miss that? It was bushy. Not Hermione bushy, but clearly unattended to. With the shorter hairs shooting off in different directions. Some of them were even defying gravity. Forget shallow. Not even a slob would go out with their hair looking like this.
At what must have been a slightly horrified expression, both Angelina and Alicia laughed. "Here", Alicia said as she reached out to reclaim her hand mirror. I returned it before she continued. "I'll do your hair. On bad hair days, the best thing to do is plait it." She offered as Angelina stood from Alicia's bed.
"I still need to get dressed", said Angelina. "But after that, the three of us can go down to breakfast together. It's been a while since we've hung out".
I blushed, as I took Angelina's spot on Alicia's bed; letting my bag slide off my shoulder and land on the floor near my feet. Yes, it had been a while. It wasn't like I was trying to avoid them. I was just busy trying to destroy the diary and then there was Adrian… Crap, this was a bigger problem than I originally thought. "Yeah," I said once I found my voice. Alicia had already started to attack my scalp with her hairbrush, and Angelina was digging through her trunk. "That will be nice".
In line with the rules of female bonding, Angelina and I ended up wearing hair ribbons that matched Alicia's. Hair accessories aren't something I typically use. Hell, I don't really use any type of accessory at all. But it felt nice, like a pleasant reminder that I had friends.
As we walked through the halls of Hogwarts, we giggled and caught up on gossip; feeling connected to each other by our color-coordinated ribbons that bounced with each step that we took. Alicia was still crazy for Diggory, while Angelina had moved her sights onto a certain red-haired brother of mine. Her honesty was making me rethink Fred's, George's, and Lee's year-long competition. Would Angelina be hurt when she found out? We also managed to talk about Lockhart's wavy blonde locks and his abysmal teaching skills before we made it to breakfast. Once there, I managed to apologize to Finnigan for my surly mood, eat an entire bowl of porridge with brown sugar, and join in on the laughter that is common for Gryffindor table. Fred and George may have taken big breaths of relief at my sudden turn in disposition. But I choose not to notice it too much. Jessie is dead, and I was going to keep it that way.
So, when it came time to head to the first class of the day, I politely excused myself from my brothers and friends and rushed ahead. Lee shouted mocking statements about hurrying to see my boyfriend. But this time, I didn't roll my eyes. Instead, I smiled; speed-walking to the dungeons. It was nice to have friends who cared. Even if one of them is an absolute clown.
Being the early bird that he is, Adrian was already sitting at our lab table when I entered. He and Snape were the only two people in the room. Ignoring the second, I approached the first. "Good morning", Adrian greeted as I set my bookbag on the ground and slid into my seat. "Did you finish your essay-"
Adrian started to ask, except now wasn't a very good time to be talking about homework. At least not when I was just starting on the path that would make me into a healthy well-rounded person. "The Hogsmeade weekend that's coming up", I cut Adrian off. He fell silent easily enough, but the spark of indignation in his eyes told me his thoughts about being interrupted. Right, I'll note that for the future. "Do you want to go together?" I asked without any trepidation. We were dating, so it wasn't like I had to fear rejection.
Adrian was slow to respond. I didn't hold it against him. After all, I had asked him to change his line of thought without any warning. He turned towards me; confusion evident in his expression. "I thought we were already going together".
He did? "You did?" I asked, wrinkling my nose.
Adrian nodded, his eyes flashing in Snape's direction as if to make sure that the austere potions master wasn't listening in. Though, I'm not sure why Snape would. It wasn't like Adrian and I were students of any consequence. "Yes", He answered as his grey eyes connected with my brown ones. "We agreed to go together on your birthday. Remember?"
I did remember. We had talked about Hogsmeade right before Mum had brought out the cake. But I didn't realize that we wouldn't have to discuss it anymore after that. We didn't discuss a meet-up point or time or what we wanted to do. "So," I said slowly as I tried to figure out how to ask what I wanted to know without sounding neurotic. "It's a date?"
The skin around Adrian's eyes slackened as an indulgent half-smile graced his face. "It's a date", he confirmed before glancing up a bit. "Nice ribbon", he complimented.
Well, wasn't he being an excellent boyfriend this morning? Ignoring my interruption, soothing my need for planning, and paying me a compliment. I should reward that. I leaned forward an inch, and Adrian copied. Both of us were leaning enough that our noses were closer together than our feet. "Thanks", I replied in a quieter voice. "Though I'm surprised you like the color". The hair ribbon Alicia had loaned me did, without a doubt, possess a very Gryffindor-ish vibe.
Adrian hummed as he moved just a tad closer. "You turn red into a much more appealing color". Hot damn, my boy had game. It seemed he did pick up a thing or two from Regulus' brother.
"Yeah?" I asked as I got ready to press my lips against him. Finally! Our first kiss.
"Yeah", Adrian answered, closing the rest of the distance.
Our noses touched. My heart rate sped up as adrenaline started to surge. But before either of us had tilted our heads, before our lips touched, and before I could start seeing fireworks; a loud thumping sound that bounced off the stone walls and shook our whole table broke us apart. What the hell? I thought as I tried to piece together what just happened.
"There will be no teenage drivel in my class", said a dark voice filled with weight and finality. My heart skipped a beat as Adrian and I both turned forward in our seats, only to see the form of the bleak head of Slytherin house looming over us with his hands on his hip and elbows akimbo. In the middle of our table was a thick dusty leather book titled, Harvesting Organs for potent Potions, which hadn't been there before. That must be what made that loud sound. Snape must have dropped the book on our lab table to get us to separate. Snape glowered down at us; upper lip curled back into a snarl. "Or I'll have to find the both of you, new lab partners". Snape took his time glaring at both of us in turn. All Adrian and I could do was wiggle under the intensity of Snape's disapproval. Or rather, I wiggled and Adrian found his composure. He'd probably been taught that wiggling wasn't a dignified thing to do. Snape was still glaring at us as more students started entering the classroom. But as the volume started to rise with the increase of chatter, Snape finally looked away. He picked up his book on organ harvesting and turned back to his desk. I breathed a sigh of relief. That had been worse than the time Ginny had interrupted Adrian and me. With Ginny, it had been embarrassing. But this time, Snape's reaction had me feeling like what Adrian and I were about to do was inappropriate. "Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Weasley", Snape called over his shoulder. Bloody hell. Alicia and Angelina would never let me live this down once they found out why we lost points.
Today had been a very good day despite losing house points. I was all caught up on sleep. I got some quality girl time. I almost kissed Adrian, and I spotted Ginny getting some quality girl time with her own friends during dinner. Judging by her laughing and engaged state, I'm assuming she's recovered from her trunk being invaded. It was such a good day that I was kind of surprised. It was a pleasant surprise. But still, usually, there's always some sort of hiccup for me to deal with. However, that night I went to bed feeling confident and carefree. It's best to not look a gift unicorn in the mouth. Especially since I had dodged a bludger this morning by realizing how poorly I had been handling my new relationship status. And by that, I mean how I've been letting my romantic relationship impact my other relationships. I closed my eyes and fell asleep feeling confident that I had made some good choices today and without any fear of what lies ahead. I had things handled.
Blood. Blood everywhere. It was painful to draw breath as the scarlet stains continued to grow on my blue blouse. Phone, I thought as even my thinking was getting affected by the blood loss. Thoughts were coming in slower and slower. Phone…. Where is my Phone? I could no longer feel my lower extremities, and my attacker was nowhere in sight. Did he leave? Maybe… still time…. get Help. Combing my hand over the dirt floor I was sprawled out on, I weakly searched for my phone. I think it should be in my purse. And my purse is… I can't remember.
My eyes became heavy as someone shouted. I guess my attacker is still here "Who are you?" But that doesn't make sense. He stabbed me. He knows who I am.
"Stupefy '', a different voice shouted. No, there's more than one. I should… I should… ask for help. I thought as the sound of something large hitting the ground reached my ears. It still didn't make sense. Wasn't stupefy a spell from Harry Potter? Why would… Why would someone just shout that out when coming across an attempted murder?
A middle-aged woman with red hair that was starting to gray came into my line of vision. Her eyes were rimmed in red as a few tears streamed down her sun-spotted face. She… she really needed highlights and mascara. She took my limp hand into her own as the shouting continued. "We won't let you get away from this", said the same voice that had shouted stupefy. So… There are three people?
"It's going to be okay". The red-haired woman said as she squeezed my hand. Except, I could barely feel it. No. This couldn't be it. I couldn't be dying. I was too young. "When you wake up, your life will be better", she continued. Is that….. an English accent? I asked myself, as my eyes became too weighted to keep open. I liked my life as it was. Why wasn't she calling the cops or applying pressure to my wounds? Isn't that what you're supposed to do when a person is losing too much blood? "I promise. You'll have a whole new family." Do I…. know this person? "A Mum and Dad that love each other. Brothers and a sister that will care about you." Brothers? A sister? Was this person crazy? I had one brother. One I haven't talked to in two years, with exception of a couple of text messages on birthdays and holidays. Believe me, I couldn't handle more than one brother. "You'll see and learn many things that you didn't think possible", The woman kept on talking. More tears were falling out of her eyes as the corners of my vision began to dim. "And", the woman paused to choke back a sob. Why was she crying? "And you'll meet the love of your life". I guess seeing someone dying would be upsetting, but we're strangers. It's not like she has anything personally invested in me. The woman kept on talking, even after her words started to jumble together in my ears and everything was fading out of existence. I thought one last thing as darkness consumed me; who was that?