No excuses here for my terrible posting delay except that I have been in a creative rut. I always forget that the one thing that works to get out of one of those is to write. I feel especially bad because I promised Allthelightwecannotsee that I would post something on Saturday and then that didn't happen.

Anyway, I apologize! There are some big moving pieces in this chapter so I hope that means you can forgive me.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Before the English Quidditch team knew what was happening, they were already gearing up for another holiday playing tour. Luckily, around the Christmas of 2006 they would have a few of those matches at home.

Adair would have preferred to travel.

A week before Christmas, Charlie was lounging on the sofa. While he had loved working at the sanctuary and missed it at least a little bit every day, he did enjoy the calendar that being a professor at Hogwarts afforded him.

He looked up from the book he had been reading on Sirens when Adair came through the flat door.

"What are you reading today?" she asked, hanging up her coat, scarf, and hat.

It seemed that when Charlie was on a school break, he read at least two books a day.

He showed her the cover, depicting a beautiful, red-haired mermaid. "I'm putting together a lesson plan for my seventh years next term. They'll have to settle for the Selkies in the Black Lake, but it's better than nothing," he said with a shrug. "How was practice?"

Adair sighed. "Oh it was fine. Cold."

Charlie stood and pulled Adair into the kitchen so that he could make her a mug of tea.

"Coach Williams said he might consider letting me play over the holidays if I keep working hard," she said quietly.

"Adair," Charlie hugged her.

She pulled quickly out of his arms. Her changing body was still a point of discomfort for her, but Charlie persisted nevertheless.

"That's great!" he said.

After her abysmal performance at the World Cup, Coach Williams had semi-permanently benched her. Despite the progress made on her physical health, her coach was still watching her very closely to see if she was going to crack under the pressure and the new demands being placed upon her.

"Well, we'll see," she replied, wrapping her hands around the warm mug that Charlie handed her. "Anything could happen."

Charlie studied her for a moment before changing the subject.

"I don't think I can hold my Mum off any longer," he said, running his fingers through his long hair that was hanging around his shoulders. "She says she needs to know if we're coming to Christmas for food purposes."

Adair nodded. "Well that's up to you."

"I'd like to go," Charlie said. "Only if you'll be comfortable and can make it work with the schedule."

"We play on Christmas Eve, but the match is here," she replied.

"Great," Charlie said with a grin. "I'll let her know." He paused once more. "And your family?"

Adair shrugged and looked into her mug. "I don't think we'll be doing anything with them. I haven't spoken to my parents since last year."

Charlie sighed.

"You have to remember that it's not the same as your family," Adair said quietly.

"I know that," he replied. He stepped closer to her, but stopped when she stepped backward. "I can still wish you had better parents."

Adair nodded.

"Are Oliver and Katie doing anything with them?" he asked.

"I don't know. Oliver hasn't mentioned anything. I wouldn't blame them if they did. It's also not the same for them."

"Well everyone will be very glad to see you at the Burrow, I can promise you that."

"If anyone wants to use the suite the night before for the match, they're more than welcome," Adair offered generously, looking up at Charlie.

"I will let them know. I'm sure Victoire will be there come hell or high water."

Adair laughed. "Good."

"Now what do you say to a hot bath?" He reached out and brushed the frozen tip of her nose with his finger. "I can draw it and then you could join me?"

Adair shook her head. "I think I'm just going to process practice alone, if that's okay."

Charlie nodded. "Sure," he said quietly. He watched her as she retreated down the hallway towards their bedroom.

ooooOoooo

Late on the afternoon of Christmas Day, Charlie and Adair could be found, bundled up, heading up the lane to the Burrow through a snow flurry. A large pile of presents floated in the air behind them.

"Oh you poor dears!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed when they entered the kitchen and began shedding layers. "You both look exhausted! But you should be Adair, after how well you played last night."

The Weasleys had disappeared from the suite before Adair could talk to them, all to head home and prepare for Christmas festivities. Adair had been absolutely shocked when Charlie told her that even his mother had been in attendance. She had truly not expected such a thing, especially with so much work to do to host her entire family for the holiday meal and gift exchange.

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley," Adair replied, her cheeks coloring at the praise.

"A bloody brilliant return to the pitch!" George agreed, hugging Adair from behind and lifting her feet off the ground as he entered the kitchen.

Like she did with Charlie, Adair was quick to extricate herself, but no one but her boyfriend seemed to notice.

"Thank you," Adair laughed.

"It was bloody amazing!" Victoire exclaimed, flying into the room as soon as she heard Adair's voice.

"Victoire! Watch your mouth!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed.

The little girl looked outraged at the unfairness. "But Uncle George-"

"Is a terrible example," Charlie finished for her with a conspiratorial grin.

"True enough," George agreed.

"Shoo, all of you," Mrs. said, swishing a kitchen towel in their direction. "I've got plenty to finish up here and it will take long enough without you lot in the way."

Charlie and George disappeared into the sitting room, but Adair lingered.

"Is there anything I can help with?"

"I don't think so, dear," Mrs. Weasley said with a kind smile.

Adair paused in the doorway as she went to leave. "It means a lot that you came last night. I know you're very busy putting this all together for us."

Mrs. Weasley's brow furrowed. "Of course I came."

Adair merely nodded and then joined everyone else in the sitting room.

"Are you alright?" Charlie asked, still a little hesitant where his mother and Adair were concerned.

Adair nodded, but was quickly pulled into a conversation with Ron, Ginny, and Bill about the previous night's match.

For the first time in maybe her entire adult life, Adair didn't fret about how much she ate. She let herself enjoy Mrs. Weasley's feast without a second thought. Realizing that she could have all she wanted, allowed her to stop when she was full. She knew that the food wasn't going to be taken away from her and that no one was going to comment on her weight at the Burrow.

As she had moved away from the restriction of her diet, she had found herself more than a few times eating until she thought she might be sick. She had never let herself lose control with food, but the recklessness of it was almost intoxicating.

At that Christmas dinner, though, she realized that there could be balance. She could eat healthy most of the time in order to stay in peak form for training, but if she really thought about it, she knew the extra helping of mashed potatoes wouldn't mean that she couldn't run around the pitch at her next practice.

After dinner, everyone stood and dispersed once more. The children had opened their gifts before dinner and so they rushed back to playing, leaving the adults grateful that they no longer had to entertain them.

"Charlie," Hermione was at his elbow, Rose bundled against her chest. "Could you hold her for a minute? I'm going to help your mother."

Adair watched as Charlie gently took the pink bundle into his arms and then immediately began to sway back and forth with his niece.

Something came over her that she couldn't explain. She didn't know if she'd ever been more drawn to Charlie than in that moment as he looked down at the tiny baby, murmuring words to her that Adair couldn't hear, smiling when Rose cooed back up at him.

Something about his brawny arms and the plush, pink blanket he held had her warming up from her very center.

As Ginny made her way into the kitchen, she caught a glimpse of her best friend watching her brother and she tried to hide a smile. She had been told about that very look coming over her own features by Hermione once upon a time.

"Adair! What are you doing in here?"

Victoire collided with Adair, breaking her out of her reverie.

"You have to come see all of the toys I got!" the little girl exclaimed.

Reluctantly, Adair allowed herself to be pulled by the hand into the living room that was a mess of wrapping paper and squealing children.

"Alright! Time for the adults!" Mrs. Weasley pronounced when she, Hermione, and Audrey emerged from the kitchen.

Charlie pulled Adair onto his lap as he settled onto one of the worn sofas.

She watched Mrs. Weasley handing gifts to the children and bidding them to hand them to the appropriate person or couple.

When it was Adair's turn, she opened the lumpy package, first of two, to reveal a scarlet, hand knitted sweater. As it unfolded, she saw a large A in ochre letters.

"I'm not sure I got the colors just right, but I wanted it to match your uniform."

Adair had seen the same sweaters on all of the Weasley kids and some of their friends and partners for so many years. She had never expected to get one.

Also completely unexpected were the tears that sprang to her eyes. No one had ever given her something that they had put so much effort into. Normally, the holidays had just felt like her parents throwing money at the issue of their children's gifts.

"Welcome to the club," Charlie said into her neck.

"There's one more," Mrs. Weasley said, after Adair slipped the sweater over her shirt.

She took the other, much more sturdy, package in her hands and slit the paper open.

"Charlie said you weren't much of a cook, but I thought perhaps baking might work better for you," Mrs. Weasley said, not unkindly. "I compiled those for you. Most of them are favorites I've been making for years. A few are recipes of my own creation."

Everyone else chuckled around her.

"If you follow the rules, everything will turn out how it's supposed to when you bake."

Adair was speechless, she could only nod and smile her thanks.

While everyone else finished opening their gifts, she thumbed through the recipe book.

"You should try this one first," Charlie said, pointing to a recipe for sticky toffee pudding. "It's my favorite."

ooooOoooo

By the time they arrived back at their flat, Adair was ravenous; not for food, but for Charlie. She had seen him hold a baby a million times, but for some reason that night it had created a primal need within her.

As soon as the door swung closed and locked behind them, Adair turned and wrapped her arms around Charlie's neck, fingers pulling his bun down.

Charlie's eyes widened in shock. It had been over four months since Adair had last let him touch her. He had been afraid it would never happen again.

He scooped her into his arms and marched down the corridor to the bedroom. Adair continued to kiss him until Charlie set her on her feet and went to remove her Weasley sweater and the shirt she had been wearing underneath.

Adair caught his hands at the hem with her Quidditch reflexes.

Charlie paused and looked deep into her deep green eyes. "You have never looked better, Adair," he murmured. "And I'm not sure I've ever wanted you more."

She clenched and unclenched her jaw a few times before she took a deep breath and gave a quick nod.

Gently, Charlie undressed her and himself, taking turns removing a piece of clothing of hers and then of his.

"I have to have you," he groaned, taking her breasts, much fuller than they'd ever been, in his hands. He pushed her backwards until her knees hit the mattress and she fell onto her back.

It was obvious that Adair worried about her figure, but seeing her naked for the first time in so long nearly took Charlie's breath away.

Of course she looked different, but there was still nothing soft about her. Her body was chiseled. It had been able to build the muscle it needed for her job once it was getting the right amount of protein, carbohydrates, and fats.

"Fuck," Charlie moaned when he finally stepped to the edge of the bed and sank into her wet heat.

Adair gasped and her back arched immediately.

Charlie slipped his hands around her waist and pulled her hard onto him over and over again. Adair let one of her hands slip down, and as she touched her most sensitive spot, her head fell back, her eyes closed, and she began panting.

To watch her pleasure herself while he moved in and out of her was nearly too much for Charlie. He had to close his eyes, in order to not finish things before they had really even begun, but even that didn't help.

After a few moments, he removed himself from Adair and flipped her over so she was lying on her stomach before burying himself once more.

He gathered most of her long, blonde hair in one fist, exposing her throat. He bent over so his chest was pressed to her back and bit her neck.

"Charlie," Adair moaned into the mattress.

"Oh fuck," he growled.

And then it was over. Charlie rolled off of her and they lay side by side for a moment before Adair rose and disappeared into the bathroom.

Charlie went when she came back and then he laid down and pulled her to his side.

They didn't say a word to each other and Charlie, sated, quickly fell asleep.

But Adair could find no such respite. All she could think about was Charlie holding Rose earlier that evening.

The reaction she had had to that scene baffled her. Of course they were still being careful not to conceive, but the need to sleep with him had overcome her so powerfully it had to have been a biological response.

But she had thought she didn't want children. She had always thought that. She had told herself that she didn't have a 'biological clock' and that she wasn't the mothering type.

However, the more she thought about it, the more she wondered where that came from. She very much enjoyed the Weasley children of all ages and was quite adept with them.

And then it all came flooding back to her. Her entire life, her mother had told her how much havoc having children had wreaked on her Quidditch career and she had warned Adair over and over again to never have children or she would be ruined too.

It hadn't been said so plainly, but even in their last argument Aileen had hurled around blame, heaping it on Adair.

"My career didn't go how I wanted it to because of you! Because I had you!"

The words reverberated in Adair's head.

Everything she had ever wanted, for the most part, she had been told that she should want by someone else.

Her Quidditch playing abilities, her career, her partners, her lifestyle. Everything had been told to her, explicitly or otherwise, by her mother.

Adair was slowly realizing that that even extended to having a baby.

Was she truly not maternal? Did she really not have the urge to have a child of her own?

Or had that all been fed to her as well?

Her heart began to race and her palms were sweating as she was transported down a rabbit hole of the decisions she had made and the opinions she had held all of her life.

When she couldn't soothe herself, she stood from the bed and padded to the kitchen. Set set to making a mug of tea and flipping through the cookbook Mrs. Weasley had gifted her until she found the recipe for sticky toffee pudding.

ooooOoooo

"Adair," Charlie groaned, rolling over quickly in bed. "What the hell is the matter?"

"Did I wake you?" Adair asked. "I'm sorry."

"Yes you did. And you've been doing this tossing and turning shit for days now. What is going on?" he demanded, rubbing his eyes before grabbing his wand and flicking it so the bedside lamp turned dimly lit the room.

"Nothing. I just can't sleep," she replied.

"And why is that?"

Adair took a deep breath. "I don't regret what I did after the World Cup two years ago," she said.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "I know that.

"It wasn't the right time. I wasn't ready. We weren't ready."

Charlie looked absolutely bewildered. "What are you talking about? I thought you said it would never be the right time; that you didn't want a baby at all." He didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but his heart was beating a little faster in his chest as he looked at her blearily. "Have you changed your mind?"

"I don't know," Adair replied. "I've just been thinking about it a lot." She stared back at Charlie.

"Where is this coming from?"

Adair shook her head. "Seeing you with baby Rose at Christmas and spending all the time we have with your nieces and nephews lately."

Charlie still looked confused.

"Even if I don't regret what I ultimately did, it was still very hard for me," Adair said quietly. "I thought it would be easier. I'd been playing with women for my entire career and had seen so many of them do the same thing in order to keep playing. I thought it would be easier because I thought I didn't care about having a family then or ever, but it was extremely hard. I hated making that decision."

Charlie hesitantly reached for her hand. "Do you want to have a baby?" he asked quietly.

"I still don't know," Adair replied. "But I don't think it's as black and white as I thought it was. I think I've been fed my whole life what it is I'm supposed to want and do. I never made any of those decisions for myself."

Charlie shook his head. "No, that's very clear."

"And so now I've gotten to this age and I have no idea what I actually want to do." Adair ran both hands through her long blonde hair. "I'm not sure why I'm even thinking about these things though. No matter what I want, I would be a terrible mother. I would have no idea what I was doing. The only example I've ever had was a terrible one. All I would know how to do is mess a kid up. Especially a daughter."

"We don't have to figure it out tonight, this week, this month, or even this year," Charlie reassured her. "But know this: you would be an amazing mother if that's what you chose to do. I've seen you with all of the Weasley kids, you've taken care of me, you are so full of love. I know that. Your friends know that. Everyone who matters knows that." Charlie learned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead before looking into her eyes. "I'm going to be right here no matter what you choose to do. I hope you know that."

Adair nodded.

Charlie took her chin in his thumb and forefinger. "There was a time when you didn't know that and that was a colossal error on my part. I won't make that mistake again." He kissed her deeply. "Whatever you choose to do or don't choose to do, I'm not going anywhere."

There you have it! I hope you loved it! I will make no promises (mostly because I can't keep them) about when I will post next, but know that it did feel good to get this written and out into the world so I will try to do it again much sooner!

As always, please feel free to share any headcanons or ideas for this story. I can't wait to hear what you think!

Happy reading,

Avonmora