Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

As much as I like KakaSaku, it is easy to do it wrong. So let's have some fun with it...

A five year old Sakura Haruno was wandering the Academy Halls. She sought out the bathroom, but alas, the girl's bathroom was locked. Looking around carefully, she entered the boy's bathroom... And stopped dead.

Sakura: "Huh?!"

There stood the most perfect young man she'd ever seen-Older than her. He had gray hair and was dressed as an ANBU. He was eating some dumplings, and his face... Was gorgeous.

Sakura: Blushes "Ah..."

Kakashi: "Ah... Sorry. Just grabbing a bite to eat." He quickly pulled his mask back up, and darted out the window

From that day on, Sakura dropped her crush on Sasuke. She had a new target in mind...

Years Later...

Kakashi: Enters the classroom hours late, and an eraser falls on his head "... My first impression of you is... I hate you."

Sakura: "Oh, you and your jokes Kakashi-sensei!" Beams at him

Kakashi: "... Riiight. Anyway, let's meet on the roof."

Sakura: Winks "Anything you say, stud!"

Kakashi: "... Uh huh."

After passing their test, Team 7 was now officially on missions. However...

Kakashi: appears "Hey! Sorry I'm late, I got lost on-"

Sakura: "KAKASHI-SENSEIIII~!" Glomps him as he appears

Kakashi: "OOF!"

Sakura: Nuzzles him "It's okay! The anticipation of seeing you set my heart a fluttering!"

Kakashi: "Uh huh. Well then-Nngh!" Stares ahead "... Sakura."

Sakura: "Yes my love?"

Kakashi: "Did you just pinch my butt?"

Sakura: "Was it not hard enough?"

Kakashi immediately drops her onto the ground. She pouts.

Sakura: "Playing hard to get? Well, don't worry: I like it that way~!"

Kakashi: shudders

Later still...

Kakashi: Enters his home... Sees Sakura making him dinner "I'm actually impressed you got around the traps."

Sakura: "Impressed enough to have me for dessert, darling~?"

Cut to Kakashi tossing Sakura out the nearest window into the trash. He then dumps the food onto her head when she pokes it out.

Sakura: "Awww... Kakashi-sensei can be so cruel. I'll cook you something better next time!"

Kakashi: Sigh "Of course you will..."

Team 7 was once again waiting on their sensei. Sakura was elated, flitting about like a hummingbird as she got ready. Sasuke was glaring at the pink haired girl as he sat with Naruto.

Sasuke: "How in the hell can she obsess over him and not me?"

Naruto: "Huh. Have you tried being tortured and mood- oh, shit. I forgot who I was talking to."

Kakashi arrives.

Kakashi: "Sorry I'm late, I had to help an old lady across the street-"

KER-GLOMP! Sakura is clinging to him like a barnacle.

Sakura: "I know you're lying, but I can't help forgiving you, my love."

Kakashi: sighs, and drops Sakura onto the ground, hard.

Sakura: "Oof!"

Kakashi: Looks down at Sakura. Picks her up by the back of her collar to bring her up to eye level. "Whatever you're thinking, Haruno-san, allow me to disabuse you of that notion. Find someone who will make you happy, not a guy whose mission reports end with 'And then they died on me, too.'"

Sakura: "..." Kisses him on the nose "I love you too, Sensei."

Kakashi: Drops her like a sack of rotted potatoes. "You're an idiot."

Sakura: "This will be a long road, but you will admit it! You love me!"

Sasuke: "Goddamnit... Why won't she love me?!"

Naruto: "Is there any way to get moved to a less dysfunctional squad?"

Kyuubi: "Seconded."

Kakashi made it home after a long day's work... And once again, someone is in the kitchen. He sighs and looks inside.

Sakura: In Naked Apron, all smiles as she sees him. She leaps to pounce on him! "SEXY-SENSEIIII~! WELCOME HOME~!"

He judo tosses her out the window as she tries to pounce on him.

CRASH!

Sakura: From outside "Boooo...!"

Kakashi sighs and tosses the dinner she was cooking out the window too. He sits at his table, and begins brooding on the problem of Sakura's infatuation with him. He considers his options... Before it hits him. He grins beneath his mask. Because now? He knows exactly how to get rid of Sakura.

The next morning, he's dressed... different. Still face masked, but now he's wearing an outfit like Gai's.

Sakura: GASP!

Kakashi: "All right, my youthful students, are you ready to get started on training?!"

Sakura: "YES SEXY-SENSEI, SIR!"

Sasuke is already plotting how to murder Sakura for all of the bullshit that's about to go down today.

Several hours of intense physical training later, Team 7 is lying on the ground in front of Kakashi, worn out.

Naruto: "Urrrgh... I'm sore... Everywhere... Except there... Oh wait. Now I am... Ow..."

Sasuke: "Nice going, Sakura."

Sakura: "Nngh... He just... Cares about us... So much... To train us so hard..." Looks up adoringly at Kakashi "You want us to sweat now so we don't bleed later! I'm so touched!"

Naruto: "Yeah, in the head..."

Kakashi: 9000% committed to the Gai act, grins, thumbs up! "That's right, Sakura!"

Sasuke: Really wants to murder Sakura.

Sakura: "HOORAY!" Hugs him "Mmm... And I can grope your butt more easily when you wear this, too!"

Naruto: "She's a masochist..."

Kakashi: He separates her. "Sakura! The bond between teacher and student is sacred. I cannot return your feelings." Manly tears. "But if we work together, we can form even deeper bonds!"

Sakura: "Awww... I'll just have to become a full adult! I'M MORE MOTIVATED THAN EVER! I will succeed you, Sensei! And then we'll be together! FOREVER!"

Sasuke: "... He's not going to stop until we stop her, Naruto."

Naruto: "I was afraid of that..."

Tenten: Watching from the side. "I've heard of 'Gay Chicken' but is this like... straight chicken?"

Neji: "I can't help but feel like we're being made fun of."

Gai: Tears of joy at Kakashi embracing his way of life.

Kakashi: Laughs grandly, and pats Sakura on the head "Now, let's go! 500 laps around Konoha!"

Sakura: "YES SIR SEXY-SENSEI! Lead the way!"

Sasuke: Manifests Sharingan. "I'll kill her!"

Naruto: "Woah woah woah! Sasuke! Sasuke!" Holds him back as best he can"That will not help! I mean, clearly Kakashi-sensei has no idea how to stop her."

Sasuke: "And we do?"

Naruto: "... Well we could do better than he's doing right now."

Kurenai: Notices the scene. "Hmm... Kakashi's trying to get rid of Sakura's puppy dog crush, huh? Yeah, he's bad at socializing but great at copying people. He's going to just mimic people he finds repulsive until something sticks."

Neji: "... He is making fun of us."

Tenten: "Yup."

Hope I made you laugh.