Blah blah blah: regular text

"Blah Blah Blah" regular speech

'Blah Blah Blah' regular thought or flashback

"Blah Blah Blah" Kyuubi/demonic or summon talking

'Blah Blah Blah' Kyuubi/demonic or summon thinking

I used to own Naruto... and then I woke up

Who's the Hostage

By: EDelta88

Chapter 7: More Hiding More Speaking

'Wow she sent Kakashi-sensei AND Ero-sennin and they still didn't find me.'

"Now now let's not jump to conclusions, we haven't seen how hard they tried yet."

'Admit it fur ball, I dun good.'

"What I admit is that you seem to possess an uncanny affinity for dumb luck."

'If I remember the stories that Hokage-jiji told me correctly that's a trait that I share with you Kitsune.'

"It is not the same…"

'Oh how so?'

"I was under the impression that having traits in common with demons was less then desirable among humans."

'Only the obvious ones. You know tails, pointy teeth, a tendency towards indiscriminate destruction .'

"Have you checked out your k-9s lately I'm pretty sure you could slice paper with them."

'You know I think I may have liked you better when you were constantly threatening to dismember me.'

"Yes well that's your own fault with that annoying ability to inspire change in everyone around you."

'Ok Aka-Baka would never admit to that so who are you, what did you do with the Yoko-bastard, and how did you get in my head?'

"Cheeky little brat."

Deep in a cave near the Wind River country border

As Naruto lay awake watching the sunrise through the mouth of the cave he contemplated the possibility that some deity or higher power (coughauthorcough) was screwing with his life and preconceptions for their own personal amusement.

You see Naruto had encountered many things that had confused him (some more than others) but last night took the cake. He had long ago come to the conclusion that people were weird but at least they all had several traits in common, one of those being they were predictable. Take what he had just told Hinata for instance, everyone had one of two reactions: "I HATE YOU GET AWAY FROM ME," or "Oh that's horrible you poor baby," (this of course excludes those who already knew/had prior knowledge) but now even that constant had been spectacularly blown out of the water when he had told his captive about his fuzzy little problem.

Honestly, he tells her his deepest darkest, hell the thing was filed as S-rank, secret and what does she do? She cries herself to sleep using him as a combination pillow/mattress that's what. Beatings, glares, hateful comments, explaining, neglect, all of that he could handle; but just what the FUCK was he supposed to do with a sobbing girl when he didn't even know what had upset her in the first place?

Oh she didn't start bawling like her puppy had died immediately following his confession. No, first she just stared at him in total shock (fairly standard reaction so far), then she got this look like she'd figured out the answer to life (still somewhat standard), and then she had collapsed into incoherent hysterics (ok not so standard anymore). Then he did the only thing he could think of that might help, he held her and she had sobbed herself to sleep, her face buried in his chest.

'If I ever find out who wrote the script to that movie I'm going to hunt him down and kick his ass for a misleading representation,' fumed Naruto as the sun continued it's climb.

Now aside from realizing that movies were not a good source to draw examples from, Naruto had a dilemma, he had a tear stained, dirt smudged, unconscious girl in five day old clothes using him as a futon and they both needed a wash and some fresh clothes. There was only one problem with that, he only brought three sets of clothes(one to wear, one to wash, and one to mend, simple and cheap) and leaving Hinata in just his spare jacket and shirt just did NOT agree with him.

So, what to do… he obviously needed to get some clothes for Hinata to wear, that in itself wasn't a problem, after all there was a town only a few minutes away (if you were a ninja), the problem was doing it without moving, and therefore waking up Hinata.

"You owe yourself a slap on the head once the girl wakes up," came Kyuubi's voice positively dripping with mirth.

'And why pray tell Lord Fuzzy would I want to do that,' Naruto thought back sarcastically.

"How many times must I remind you that you are proficient in Kage Bunshin before it penetrates that fallout shelter you call a head?"

Naruto blinked, then… he blinked again, 'You know I may have to agree with you…this time,' so, with his arms still around Hinata, Naruto made the now familiar hand seal summoning one of his clones. "Alright here's what I need you to do…"

Several hours later

"Ungh," Hinata was (finally) back with the world of the living, 'What a strange dream,' not that she would really mind if Naruto-kun carried her off and tied her up, she just always thought it would be for… something else (shy she may be, innocent she is not), 'oh well I should probably get up,' so she went to push herself up into a sitting position only to find, 'My hands are tied? But that means…' her eyes shot open to take in her surroundings, '…it wasn't a dream.'

"Good morning," she heard and looking down she realized that she had been sleeping on Naruto-kun, which caused her to turn a brilliant shade of crimson, and then she remembered what Naruto had told her last night.

"Naruto-kun?" she asked weakly.

"Yes?" asked Naruto in complete bewilderment.

"This…the Kyuubi…is that why they…why you were treated…?" she fumbled obviously referring to what he had told her.

"For the most part," what was she getting at?

"It's not fair," said before once again dissolving into tears.

"Eh!?" what did he do? Why was she crying? What wasn't fair? Why did girls have to be so confusing?!

Once again Naruto found himself beset by the enigma that is woman. No one ever came to him with their problems so he had no real experience with consoling others and here he was expected, or so he felt, to do… something and he didn't even know what he was supposed to be trying to fix. What was he supposed to do? Was there like some special thing he was supposed to say or were you supposed to just let them cry? If she was just depressed or she left it at an awkward silence that was easy, hell, on Team Seven it had practically been his job to deal with such situations. He was out of his element and that left only one course of action.

Wing it.

His first thought was to slap her like he had when she had woken up and tried to smear herself across the forest floor, but her face was buried in his chest again so he improvised.

SLAP

Now I feel compelled to remind everyone that Naruto's upbringing was a little… different than most of us are used to so he had no idea what spanking was. As far he knew all he'd done was slap a convenient and sensitive part of Hinata's body. On the up side he seemed to have her undivided attention.

So taking advantage of her lapse in misery, "Ok now that you're coherent again what's this about something not being fair?" he asked.

Blushing a little(more) at the "coherent" comment, "All your life all you've done is protected us, but everyone treats you like a rabid dog," she finished with a sniffle, her face once again burrowed into his chest.

"First, not everyone treated me badly. Second, all I said was that Kyuubi was sealed, I don't remember saying anything about how. For all you know I'm just another form," ok so maybe it wasn't the best thing to say if he didn't want to push her away but he had a point.

"If you were the Kyuubi you would not have gone to all the trouble of keeping me alive when I caught you leaving. You would have simply killed me and left me to rot," she stated in a surprisingly calm voice.

"She's got you there kid."

Naruto was about to make some half-assed retort then continue his argument with Hinata but, "I'm back," called a female voice.

'Huh who's that?' thought Hinata, then a beautiful girl with her blond hair up in pigtails came around the corner, 'Oh it's just one of Naruto-kun's clones, but why is it using a henge?'

Seeing the curious look on Hinata's face Naruto answered her unasked question, "Since you didn't exactly pack for this little trip I sent him," he indicated the clone that had released the henge and gone off to explore the rest of the cave, "to get you some clothes."

Hinata was about to say that he shouldn't have wasted money on her when there was a loud splash and Naruto's clone calling, "Yo boss come check this out!" So setting Hinata on the cavern floor Naruto got up and went to find his clone.

'Well that solves part of the bathing problem,' he thought as he stared at the almost completely enclosed natural hot spring that his clone had found, but as awesome as it was to have a hot spring around the corner he still had no way to make sure that Hinata didn't try anything (not that he thought she would but you can never tell with the quiet ones) and he wanted a way to know if she slipped or something. Then he remembered, 'I could have the clone to watch her. HA take that fox I remembered this time,' he thought triumphantly.

'Oh I can't wait to see what his reaction is when he dispels it. This is going to be sooooooooooo funny.'

Meanwhile Naruto was back with his captive taking out a set of new clothes for her to change into as he explained his plan, "…and a clone will be watching to make sure nothing happens."

Poor Hinata it wasn't bad enough that Naruto was going to be nearby while she bathed but his clone was going to be watching her. Ok so maybe she was overreacting it wasn't like the real Naruto was going to be watching right? 'It's not Naruto-kun. It's not Naruto-kun. It's not Naruto-kun. It's no…' her thoughts had trailed off as she saw the last articles that Naruto had added to the clothing pile. She knew that Naruto must have purchased…unmentionables, that in itself wasn't the problem though. You see he hadn't just bought her…unmentionables, he had bought her black lacy unmentionables; suffice it to say that if she was embarrassed before she was mortified now. Really if she had looked at it logically she would have realized that the only experience with women's'… unmentionables Naruto had would be advertisements and his selection would have made more sense but logic was not something she was capable of at the moment as she dazedly allowed the clone to carry her to the spring while she invented several new shades of red.

Thirty Minutes later

There was a small poof as Naruto dismissed his clone after it had finished retying Hinata's bonds only to be assaulted by images and memories, the most notable of which were of a very naked Hinata, that were most definitely not his own. 'The fuck…? How did-'

"!! THIS IS EVEN BETTER THEN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!" howled Kyuubi, completely incapable of holding his laughter any longer.

'YOU KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!?'

"You wound me I didn't know it was going to happen, I just made an educated guess based on the numerous other times you've done it."

'WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME!?'

"You seem to be under the misconception that I'm not a sadist that will let you make a fool of yourself for my own amusement."

'YOU SON OF A BITCH!'

"You say that like it's supposed to be an insult."

'YOU SET ME UP!'

"Correction YOUR habit of not reading all of the instructions, exhibit A everything that came after how to do the Kage Bunshin, came back and bit you in the ass."

'!!'

Then, in one of his few but amazing flashes of absolute brilliance, it hit him. He remembered everything the clone had done and learned since he had summoned, if he retained all the memories and experiences of his clones then, the physical aspects aside, he could literally fit months even years of training and learning into a single day. But alas once again it seemed that the powers that be had no intention whatsoever of letting Naruto simply bask in the glory of his discovery.

"N-Naruto-kun, is everything a-alright," asked Hinata rather nervously while scooting into a corner and trying to make herself as small as possible. He was using his "Evil Genius" grin; that always meant bad news. Usually it just meant that he had come up with a particularly spectacular prank that would have the majority of Konoha out for his blood, but on occasion it signaled something a little more devious, like the creation of his Orioke no jutsu for example, and seeing as there was a shortage of his usual victims… well at least he wouldn't hurt her.

Snapping back to reality Naruto managed to stammer out, "Well I kind of just…" Meanwhile in Naruto's head, 'ShitshitFUCKSHITGODDAMNIT!! How the hell do you say "I now know every square inch of your body by heart" without sounding like a total lech?!'

"I suggest that playing it off as the accident it was, maybe add in a little flattery for good measure." It was a testament to just how freaked out Naruto was that he didn't realize that Kyuubi had actually helped him and WILLINGLY at that. Hell he barely even noticed that Kyuubi had said anything at all.

"…made a very interesting discovery," he finished sheepishly, "I get all my clones memories and experiences when they dispel."

"Well that is quite useful," then it sank in and she began blushing so badly steam started pouring out of her ears, 'Naruto-kun… remembers… everything… clones… everything…' and then she was out cold.

'Is there anything regular about Hinata?' Naruto wondered as he stared at this girl that seemed to follow none of the normal behaviors or stereotypes of girls. Usually something like this would earn him, at the very least, a long bitching out and if the girl(s) were really pissed he'd end up in the hospital.

For several minutes longer he continued to ponder the mystery of his captive's behavior before deciding to just let it go for now, "Oh well. It's not like memories of watching a girl with a killer body bathing are going to give me nightmares or anything," he thought aloud as he went to take a bath while Hinata was asleep never noticing her head fall as she fainted again.

EDITED: 3/1/10

End Notes

Ok sorry for the delay I originally wrote this to cover all the way to two weeks after Naruto left the village but after leaving it for a little while and coming back I realized that the way I had written it didn't really suit the story very well. I decided that cutting the two weeks into several chapters would work better.