Acting Like a Human is Never a Mistake: a coda to Plutonium is Forever

The remains of Paige's chicken piccata group project were starting to congeal in the garage's kitchen sink, on the counter, on the table, spilling out of the refrigerator… how had pasta gotten spilled inside the refrigerator?

What had started out so promising, quickly devolved into bickering and fear of food-borne illnesses due to the lack of certified commercial kitchen protocols. Paige didn't even think Toby cared about Salmonella, he just wanted to get Sylvester worked up. Keeping her irritation in check, she had shooed the geniuses out the door and into the evening to eat at Kavelsky's.

Once Ralph was situated on the sofa, the latest issue of Robo-Spies in one hand and a grilled cheese sandwich in the other, Paige turned to the disaster that was the kitchen. Blowing a stray piece of hair out of her eyes, Paige set to work. There was something meditative about such a mundane chore after the day's adventure to avoid a nuclear meltdown just a few miles away. She was so engrossed in the task before her, she didn't even hear Walter enter the kitchen. Paige turned to throw a handful of limp lemon rinds in the compost bin and bumped into him.

"Walter! I didn't expect to see you there!" Paige's heart thumped against her chest. "What are you doing back so soon?"

"I apologize for startling you, I had presumed you had been alerted to my presence." Walter ran a glance across the almost completely cleaned kitchen and table area. "You have been efficient in your work while I was away. I was only gone 18 minutes. I had estimated that restoring the kitchen to its former level of cleanliness would take 32 minutes at your usual rate of efficiency."

"My usual–what..nevermind." Paige didn't have the energy to be annoyed at such small Walter-ism. She knew that he only meant it as a statement of fact and not a dig at her work habits. Truth be told, she had surprised herself at how quickly she had managed to restore the kitchen to its proper order. "I thought you were having dinner with the rest of the team."

"I had fully intended to, but once we were seated, I realized that I had no desire for food or for sitting idly in the restaurant watching the others eat. My body was craving movement, so I walked back here, to the garage," Walter explained.

"Walked?" Paige asked. "Home from Kavelsky's? And didn't you take your car to the restaurant?"

"Well, I guess my mode of transport could more accurately be characterized as a moderate jog. I applaud your efforts toward greater accuracy in your word choices. I seem to be a good influence on you in that aspect. And Happy is more than willing to return my car, she's always bugging me to let her drive it more often anyway."

Paige reached around Walter picked up a clean dishtowel from the table. "I won't be in your way for much longer. The kitchen is almost clean, and then Ralph and I will get out of your way. I need to get him home and to bed soon anyway."

"There's no need for you to linger, I can finish up." Walter started running hot water into the sink and washing an obviously clean dish from the drainer next to the sink. He splashed water onto his tie. Walter frowned in surprise at his uncharacteristic clumsiness. He turned and Paige gave him the towel she was holding. He nodded thanks and began dabbing at the wet spot with great concentration.

As Walter glanced up from his ministrations, he noticed the mostly empty bag of coffee grounds next to the coffee maker. He dropped the towel in the sink and moved across to the communal kitchen list hanging on the refrigerator, and with the pencil attached with a string, started to write C-O-F – "I wonder if there is also sufficient creamer," Walter muttered as he dropped the pencil and pulled open the refrigerator door.

Paige watched in fascination as it appeared that the ever-logical and efficient genius she was coming to know started spinning out in front of her.

Suddenly a rush of water begin to hit the floor as the sink began to overflow. "Ohh!" Paige cried out in surprise. She and Walter both grabbed for the last towel on the table at the same time. The sudden shift in weight from Walter's grip on the same piece of cloth knocked Paige off balance and as she scrambled for purchase, she slipped in the water quickly pooling on the floor beneath her feet.

It all happened so fast and neither she nor Walter released their hold on the towel, Paige landed on her backside in the puddle on the floor, Walter in a heap next to her.

The look of confusion on Walter's face was priceless. Paige couldn't help it. She started giggling.

Walter stood, dripping water from the knees of his pants and turned off the offending water tap. He hurried to the supply closet at the back of the garage and grabbed a supply of Happy's shop towels to sop up the mess.

When he returned, Paige had regained her footing but was still laughing.

"A-are you all right?" Walter was concerned at her response to the mess. Maybe she had hit her head when she fell. But, no, he would have noticed something so obvious as that, wouldn't he?

Paige smothered her last giggle and grabbed a towel off the top of Walter's stack and started sopping up water on the floor. "I'm fine, Walter. It's just kind of a ridiculous situation that deserves a good laugh. I'm just wondering if you're all right. This isn't like you," she gestured to the new mess in the previously mostly clean kitchen.

Walter dropped to his knees as well and began sopping up water. "I agree. The statistical likelihood of someone with my IQ forgetting so simple as to turn off running water is so low as to be incalculable."

Paige suppressed a grin as she rose to her feet from the mostly dry floor. She didn't want Walter to think she was laughing at him. She offered Walter a hand and pulled him up beside her. "Yes, there is that. But it seems as if there is more going on. More has been going on all day, ever since you realized that you would be seeing Mark Collins again."

Walter's forehead crinkled in confusion. "I-I don't…I'm not sure…"

Walter was saved from trying to form a coherent sentence and further embarrassing failure when Ralph walked into the kitchen, a small zippered case in his hands. Without a word, he pressed it into Walter's fidgety hands and disappeared as silently as he had come in. Robo-Spies wasn't going to read itself. It's amazing the grown-ups ever figured anything out on their own.

Walter stared at the case like it was a live bomb.

Paige's eyes sparkled with amusement. "I think he wants you to open it."

Uncertainly Walter unzipped the case and saw Paige's travel manicure set, nail polish, nail polish remover pads, file, and cuticle trimmer. "I think Ralph is trying to tell me something." He looked up at Paige with such earnestness in his eyes.

Paige smiled and sat gracefully at the kitchen table. She curled her fingers and inspected them closely. "I was thinking that I could use a fresh manicure soon. Tonight's as good a time as any."

Walter took a deep breath and sat opposite her at the small table. He set the necessary tools out in front of Paige's waiting hands willing the trembling in his fingers to cease through sheer will. He gathered his mental strength, suddenly longing to take Paige's hand in his. He wanted to make eye contact with her so badly but seemed unable to make his eyes move up from her delicate hands. "Please let me know if at any point you are uncomfortable or if I am doing anything incorrectly."

"I will, Walter, but I think you're going to be just fine," Paige encouraged him.

Walter steeled himself mentally as he reached towards Paige's waiting hands. Despite his best efforts to limit the physical contact between their fingers to only the task in front of him, he was surprised that he touched her skin more often than was strictly necessary. With a gentleness that he hadn't known he possessed, he removed the previous coat of nail polish from Paige's nails.

Then he set about filing her nails to perfect half ovals. Not too long. Paige didn't wear her nails long and he was glad for that. He found long nails on a woman inefficient and easily damaged in daily life. Plus, on Paige's slender hands, they were aesthetically pleasing in a way that no other woman's fingernails had ever been to him.

The rhythm of the motion had a soothing effect on his nervous system. He felt his cortisol levels drop from the heightened state they had been in ever since he had laid eyes on Mark Collins. He was surprised to realize that Paige had begun humming softly to herself. Apparently, Mark had had a similar effect on Paige as well, he thought as he recognized the effects of her sympathetic nervous system winding down.

As he finished the last coat of nail polish on her lovely fingers, Walter found he was reluctant to remove his hand from its home so close to hers. Mentally giving himself a shake, he cleared his throat and moved his hands to his lap. "Is my work satisfactory?" Still finding himself unable to meet her gaze, he watched as she moved her hands up to inspect his work.

"It's perfect, Walter. Very professional. Almost like you had done it before."

His eyes flew up to meet hers, surprised that she would think he had ever touched a woman's hands so intimately on any previous occasion. It was there that he saw the humor dancing in her eyes. She had made him forget his unease using humor. She truly was an EQ genius.

"You are being too kind. I'm sure my next attempt will be a vast improvement over this one..." he trailed off, realizing too late what he had said. His lips clamped his mouth shut before any more idiocy could escape.

"I think that would be lovely. I look forward to it."

Walter's mind raced, considering the ramifications of her last statement. To hide his discomfort, he methodically repacked all her manicure supplies in the small bag.

"I need to get going, I've still got to get home and put Ralph to bed."

Walter held her manicure set out to her. But Paige waved it away. "You keep it. For next time." She smiled as she breezed by giving Walter a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. "C'mon, Ralph, let's get a move on."

Walter sat, unable to move as he heard them exit the Garage and close the door behind them, staring at the small case in his hands. Walter replayed the day's earlier unsettling conversations revolving around him and his willingness to go down the rabbit hole.

When I had him committed, I did it because he needed help and for the team. But there's a part of me that knows that I did it for myself.

How's that?

When he and I would get into that state where nothing exists but thought, it can be a wonderful place, but it can be terrifying because you don't know if you can come out of it. Part of me knows that I had Collins committed to see if other people could pull him from that place in case I ever got to the point where I couldn't be pulled out on my own.

Maybe I'll see you back down the rabbit hole, Walter.

I…hope not.

But now, Walter knew he had been incorrect before. He never needed to fear losing himself again. He knew there was always a way out. It was a new connection that he had never had before, never imagined having before. His connection to Paige.