Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Happy Birthday
Before Ginny was school-aged, she'd frequently sought me out with requests to play dolls, braid her hair, help her convince our brothers to let her play quidditch with them, or merely just to talk. Now, as Slytherin with friends of her own, those requests were far and few in between. But sometimes, they did still occur. Like right now, for instance. Fred and George got pulled into discussing quidditch stats with Lee; leaving me alone at Gryffindor table as I fought to keep my eyes open and worked through a plate of chicken salad. That is until I found four pairs of eyes staring at me from the other side of the table. Looking up, I saw Ginny and Luna sitting across from me with Hestia and Flora on either side of them. They leaned in close and the focus in their eyes was intense; instantly putting me on edge and causing me to forget my sleepiness. "What did you do?" I asked instinctually.
Ginny scoffed with the roll of her eyes; perfectly fulfilling the role of a pre-teen who believed herself to be mature. "You sound like Percy", she said. Much to the delight of Hestia and Flora who giggled at Ginny's barb.
Squinching my face to the point that I was looking at the second-years through narrowed vision, I recoiled. "I do not", I argued; immediately taking offense. Not to refuse Percy his own value, but to be compared to a person I often manipulated to get out of trouble was… unflattering.
"Oh, I don't agree", Luna broke in as she sat with her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. She was staring in my general vicinity, but not directly at me. Like she was studying something floating over my head. I tried to ignore the shiver that shot up my spine at her scrutiny. "Your brother is more of a blue. When she is a green", Luna explained like I wasn't there. "Like your other brother". Luna glanced down the table where Ron was currently busy stuffing chicken salad into his mouth and ignoring Hermione's disgusted face. A faint blush shone on Luna's cheeks. Kind of reminding me of one of Santa's elves.
There was an awkward silence as we all rolled Luna's…. observation around in our heads. I wasn't sure what part I should concern myself with. The fact Luna attached colors to people's…. personalities, or that she placed me in the same category as Ron.
Ginny made the decision for all of us to ignore Luna's input. Turning her attention back to me, Ginny said, "Holly, we have questions".
I blinked slowly. This didn't sound…. Enjoyable. "Okay", I answered. "And you think I know the answers because…." I prompted.
Hestia was the one to reply; with her hands clasped in front of her as she leaned in close to be heard. "Because you're the only girl from the upper years we know who has an intended and who we can ask without being impolite".
It took me a minute to remember what intended meant. It being a word for boyfriend that I never use. But when I did, I sputtered. "You- you have questions about boys?" After four confirming head nods, I utter a silent prayer in my head to a higher power. Merlin, spare me. "Umm…. Just say no", I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. Though, I think that's advice more commonly used for drugs and peer pressure.
Flora copied her sister's posture without looking at her and leaned forward. "How did you pick Cousin Adrian?"
That question was so ludicrous that I had to repeat it out loud to myself to make sure I was hearing it correctly. "How did I pick Adrian?" My eyes scanned the faces of my little sister and her friends as I rapidly tried to decide if they intended this as a serious inquiry, or if they were just being nosy pre-teens. "I didn't pick him", I answered with extra emphasis on the word pick. Seriously, boyfriends weren't like tinned soup. You couldn't just go to a muggle grocery store and pick out a preferred type of… dating material and take him home with you.
The girls were not deterred by my response. "So, Cousin Arian picked you?" Hestia asked. "I suspected as much".
I sat my fork down on the edge of my plate; too blindsided by this conversation to continue eating. "No, he did not pick me", I shrilly argued. Sounding far more high-pitched than I cared to admit. "We just…. Happened upon each other". But then I started to recall specific moments with Adrian and things he said. "I think", I amended; suddenly not sure. "The point is", I directed at the four second-years before I could get distracted by the thought that Adrian had plans before I saw him as any more than a potions partner. "That you don't just point at a boy and say, 'that's the boy I'm going to date'. There has to be… to be a mutual attraction". Merlin, why was romance such a difficult thing to discuss with impressionable younger family members? I now had a new concept for reasons why people filled girls' heads with stories of princesses, towers, and dragons. It was extremely less awkward. "What brought on this sudden interest?" I asked for lack of a better word. Although, based on the self-assured expressions on Hestia's and Flora's faces, I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
At least Ginny had the sense this wasn't the best of lunchtime topics because she glanced at her hands as she explained. "We'll be in our third year next year."
I needed more than that. "And?" I prompted.
"You started seeing Adrian in your fourth year. So, we figured we need to have someone in mind and start planning for next year". Ginny explained. Her eyes darted up to my face when she was done, but what must have been a judgmental look had her looking away once again. "We don't want to fall behind".
Hestia nodded as if Ginny had preached the absolute truth. "It would be better to know who we should spend our attentions on before all the suitable options are claimed".
"Merlin Bloody Pendragon!" I exclaimed, unable to help myself. Hestia and Flora flinched back at my language. Ginny blushed. Apparently embarrassed for my use of coarse vocabulary on my behalf. While Luna looked entertained. Why was she even taking part in this conversation? Luna didn't strike me as being the boy infatuated type. "There isn't a timeline for falling in love. You don't have to be dating by the time you're fourth-years. You definitely don't need to have someone picked out like it's some ruddy competition."
In the forefront of my mind, I was struggling to comprehend why I was reacting so strongly. Ginny and her friends' line of thought was probably common; having a sense that there was some unspoken timeline of expectations they had to follow. Maybe it could even be considered a developmental thing. Jessie had felt similar with that stupid third date rule people referenced during her time in college. But in my subconscious that I was only vaguely aware of, I knew the reason. Dating for the sake of dating, playing with others' hearts, and not listening to my own; were three things that led me to death.
Hestia sighed as Flora rolled her eyes; apparently recovered from my unwelcoming reaction. "That is not the way of things. Surely, Cousin Adrian has taught you at least that much".
There were a couple of different retorts I could make in response to that. I could make some claim about how I was the one teaching Adrian, or I could demand to know why, if Adrian was more knowledgeable than me, were they asking me these questions instead of him. But what came out of my mouth was, "Your way of things isn't my way of things". My eyes narrowed in on Ginny. "And they're not Ginny's way either". My little sister looked ready to protest; in an attempt to fit in with the dominant culture of her house, most like. So, I talked right over her. "There is no timeline. It's not a race. And don't value someone based on how 'suitable' someone is". Hopefully, the second-years understood what I meant by suitable. They should. Hestia had said it first. Now looking at all four of them, I added. "If Adrian followed 'the way of things', I wouldn't be dating him".
Done with this conversation, I left Ginny and her friends, and my half-eaten lunch at the table. Standing, I made quick work of grabbing my book bag so I could stomp out of the great hall. Had I handled that well? Probably not. I hadn't used the opportunity as a teachable moment. I hadn't explained why their questions made me upset. But…. I wasn't ready. Not when it came to analyzing Jessie's death or telling Ginny about it.
I didn't make it very far before Luna called out, "Oh, I forgot… Happy Birthday, Ginny's sister!" The off-topic comment had me pausing. But only briefly. Mostly, because it didn't make any sense. As I continued out of the hall, I thought about it. Happy Birthday? My birthday is in April. The only person I knew who had a birthday in November was Bill and that wasn't until the end of the month. Not to mention that Luna had never met Bill, so it wasn't like she could confuse me with him. And the only person I knew whose birthday was in October was…. Oh, hell. I forgot about his birthday.
Like most days, Adrian made it to the Arithmancy classroom before I did. Unlike most days, he was the only one in the room when I stumbled in earlier than normal. I dropped heavily into the seat next to his, causing Adrian to look up from what he was reading with a questioning expression. I took my time in answering as I glanced at his book. Something about ancient noble families and their…. Gravesites? Huh…. Well, I guess we all need hobbies. Looking away from that interesting reading choice, I focused on Adrian's steely grey pupils. "I'm sorry", I let out one long exhale.
His forehead wrinkled as his eyebrows slanted inwards; forming a V shape. "What did you do?" He asked accusingly. Very much like how I had asked Ginny and friends a little while ago.
"I didn't mean to", I started to ramble as I slouched in my seat. "I just got caught up with destroying the Horcruxes, finding the diadem and all that stuff with Hagrid's hippogriff and Lord Flint. It completely slipped my mind". With my left hand, I massaged my left temple. My eyelids feel heavy like a magnet was pulling them shut. But I kept talking. "I know it's no excuse and that I'm a rubbish girlfriend. I couldn't even go to Hogsmeade with you to celebrate this year. What's worse, it took listening to your cousins and Ginny talk about boys, and Luna Lovegood wishing me a happy birthday six months too early for me to realize I'd forgotten. And this whole time you haven't said anything and have probably just felt awful that I didn't do any-"
"Holly, what did you do?" Adrian cut me off. Probably wise. I was just tired enough that I could have kept on going in perpetual word vomit until I ran out of air.
"I forgot your sixteenth birthday", I got straight to the point.
Adrian blinked once. And then once more before he sighed. Raising a hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose and gave his head a small shake.
Yeah, I'm the worst… Well, not Stimpson the worst. But the sentiment is clear enough. "I know. I'm sorry. First, it was our anniversary and now your birthday. I promise, I'll invest in a planner so I won't forget important dates again". Or, at least, I would make an honest attempt in keeping a planner… for as long as I felt guilty.
With his fingers still bracing the bones that make up his nose, Adrian asked, "Do I seem like the sort who would care about celebrating his birthday?"
"Well, no". I answered as Adrian lowered his hand and flashed me a look of reluctant tolerance. As if he couldn't quite figure out why he had the ability to frown at me and stare at me with softness at the same time. "You're more of the suffering in silence, one foot in front of the other sort".
Adrian stopped frowning. Apparently satisfied with my analysis of his character. But, if he was being honest with himself, he'd have realized he dropped his guard too soon.
"Which is why I have to put effort into celebrating your birthday. Otherwise, the day would pass unnoticed and you'd miss out". The frown was back on Adrian's face before I finished speaking.
Reaching out with both of his hands, Adrian grasped one of mine; cocooning both it and my voice. "I did nothing for your birthday last year". Adrian reminded me, and after a quick review of last year's memories, I realized he was correct. "Did it bother you when I didn't mark the occasion?"
"No", I answered honestly. Adrian nodded and dropped my hand, expecting that to be the end of the matter. "But at the time I was being questioned by a bunch of officials with their wands stuck up their-"
"Holly", Adrian complained with exasperation.
So, I let my sentence be incomplete. For his sake. "It wasn't exactly a good time for a birthday".
Letting out a huff of warm air, Adrian tried again. "It wasn't my first sixteenth birthday. I assure you as Regulus there was a… modest affair". Oh? That comment was worthy of a raised eyebrow. It sounded like there was potential for a good story there. But I wasn't surprised that he had used the adjective modest rather than grand or something of the sort. Unlike in muggle America, where a sixteenth birthday was a milestone, British wizarding culture paid more mind to the seventeenth birthday. It being the mark of adulthood and when the trace on our wands would be lifted.
"Alright", I said after a long moment passed of looking into his eyes. Truly, he seemed unbothered. "You know, you shouldn't have forgiven me so quickly. I felt guilty enough that I probably would've agreed to a variety of different things to make it up to you". Honestly, this brush-off seemed uncharacteristic of a Slytherin.
Adrian shook his head with the lines around his mouth relaxed. "When will you comprehend that I'm not playing a short game?" He asked as he turned back to his book.
I shrugged as I turned to sit properly in my seat. Only to slump forward to lay my head on the desk; yawning. "When it becomes obvious we'll have time for the long game".
I spent the last free minutes before class lightly dozing with my head on the desktop. When Professor Vector entered the room and the other students started filing in, I went through the motions of taking out a quill and some parchment. Though mostly due to Adrian prodding me with his foot under the desks to get me moving.
Today's class was mostly lecture-based. So, I scribbled half-arsed notes just to keep up the appearance that I was attending to the lesson as was the expectation. But I doubt I was fooling anyone. I had my chin propped up by my arm with my desk taking most of my weight. My eyes felt heavy like they were made of stone rather than water, jelly, and protein. And as Professor Vector went on and on about the inventor of the latest formula we were learning, it became harder and harder to keep them open.
Professor Vector's voice was lulling. Like a metronome; completely predictable and precise. It was easy to let my thoughts wander as she directed the class' attention back to the many magical properties of the number seven and why it was important for this formula. With no structure or direction from me, my thoughts jumped around as they pleased.
A thought about Adrian's choice in reading material led to a thought about the reading I needed to do for Sirius' class. Thinking about transfiguration caused me to think about McGonagall. When McGonagall's name echoed in my sleep-deprived noggin, I unearthed some random facts about cats I don't recall learning. The fact that cats may not be able to taste sweet flavors, naturally, took me down a path of thinking about desserts. Specifically lemon tarts. Soon, I was listing all the different uses for lemons, and I landed on lemon sherbet. From there I made the connection to Dumbledore. Thinking about him caused a sense of guilt to build up. What was that old man up to anyway?
But with no way to answer that question, and lacking the energy to even ponder it, I started visualizing Dumbledore's half-moon spectacles. Moon…crescent moon, moon pie…. Full moon, moon cycle….. Professor Lupin is a werewolf. Moon… Moon… Luna. Luna is another word for moon. In Latin, I think. Why don't they teach Latin in Hogwarts? Merlin knows we use it enough. It would probably be useful to know. Luna. Lunar. Luna Lovegood. Ginny's friend, who thinks my birthday is today despite the fact that I'm a triplet.
My quill stilled in my hand as I lazily studied what I had written. It wasn't anything coherent, just a bunch of sevens. Quickly, I returned to my internal ramblings.
Although, Luna wasn't entirely wrong. Today used to be my birthday…. I stopped gripping my quill like a writing utensil; encasing it in a closed fist like a boxer instead. Where had that thought come from? Squeezing without realizing I was, the quill snapped loud enough for me to earn a startled glance from Adrian. Today was my birthday. I mean, not my birthday. But Jessie's…. And I had forgotten. Completely content with my April 1st birthday, I had no need to hang on to Jessie's.
"Holly", Adrian whispered while Professor Vector's attention was directed to the other half of the room. He placed a hand on top of my hand; the one that had just ruined a perfectly good quill.
I didn't offer him an answer. I couldn't. At least not right now where we couldn't speak freely. Instead, I shook my head and waited for him to withdraw his hand before unrolling my fist to let go of the snapped quill. I knew this day was coming. I thought I'd feel something different; having a soul being in two places at once. But…. Nothing. Nothing felt off. I didn't have a sense that I was missing a vital part of me. I was just… existing as I have been doing for the last fifteen years of my life. Was that good?
Staring into the palm of my hand; I tried to decipher my feelings and if they had any meaning. Well, meaning that would actually be helpful. But I didn't find meaning. All I got was a slightly unnerving question. How did Luna Lovegood know?