Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

So many fics give Naruto absurd power ups. It seems a bit unfair, especially given that he and Sasuke got so many at the end of the manga, when fighting Kaguya.

It would probably be a lot more fun to follow the One Piece example: Give everyone on the main cast powerups and have them fight individual awesome battles, and then join together as a team when needed.

(Much as was done in several of the Naruto movies).

But since this is Naruto, I will emulate Kishimoto... I mean parody. By showing how he might have done things at the very last minute...

Kaguya glared contemptuously at the four mere mortals who dared to defy her. She floated up in the sky, a goddess sure of herself and sure of the inevitable.

"I will take back all the chakra and rule as a goddess! You are pathetic mere-!"

Kaguya then was hit hundreds of times a second by multiple fiery blasts. She plunged into the lava, stunned that anything could hurt her.

She slowly sat up out of the molten rock, and gaped in disbelief.

To her dismay... The four mere mortals opposing her wore the exact same expressions on their faces.

"Bushy Brows?!" Naruto gasped in amazement.

Rock Lee was burning with the power of the Eight Gates, and shot them a grin.

"But how did you escape the genjutsu?!" Sakura demanded. Lee shook his fists and struck a dramatic pose.

"YOSH! I escaped with guts and the power of YOUTH!"

"Oh. Is that all?" Sasuke deadpanned.

Kakashi chuckled.

"Gai would be proud, Lee. Great work!"

"YEAH! HOT BLOOD WINS AGAIN!" Naruto shouted. "Now let's beat this Rabbit Granny and save the world!"

"YEAH!" Lee shouted back. Sakura sighed.

"I am glad to have the extra help but... Seriously?"

Kaguya sensed she was no longer the center of attention. This, she decided, would not do. She flew up, allowing her anger to flash across her elegant, ageless face.

"You may have been able to defeat my genjutsu, but you are still doomed. No mortals can resist my power-"

"FLYING WEAPONS! UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS!"

"Pardon-?"

Kaguya was struck again, and again, and again, by thousands of different swords and other melee weapons wielded by a young teenaged girl. Kaguya tried to deflect the strikes, but the woman was relentless with burning fire in her eyes.

Kaguya managed to parry the mortal kunoichi's strikes... Just before the ninja unfurled two weapons Kaguya had not seen in centuries.

"No-!"

The Sacred Tools made by her sons slapped Kaguya across the face, and for the second time, Kaguya was sent plunging into the fiery lava below.

"Tenten?!" Naruto gasped. "How the heck did you get out-?!"

"Well first I was in this illusionary world, and I sort of wanted to accept it... But then I powered on, and broke out with the tools of the Sage!" Tenten explained dramatically.

"Isn't that going to use up all your chakra?" Sakura asked, concerned.

"Yeah, but if I don't fight," Tenten said, holding the Tools dramatically, "the world is doomed anyway!"

"And what was that Unlimited Blade Works thing?" Kakashi asked. "Seems a bit derivative."

"Says the Copy-Nin," Tenten deadpanned.

"YOSH! YOUR POWERS OF YOUTH ARE TRULY AMAZING, TENTEN!" Lee sobbed. "IF ONLY NEJI COULD SEE US NOW!"

Kaguya again flew up, her serenity on the edge of breaking in her divine wrath.

"So, you think yourselves worthy of wielding the weapons of my traitorous son?! How high has your hubris brought you? But now you will fall, back to the dirt from where you sprang-"

"Eight Trigrams Twin Lions Crumbling Attack!"

And once again, Kaguya, Goddess of Chakra and Doom of Mankind, took a hot lava bath-This time courtesy of a gasping Hinata's fists. Naruto gazes in amazement (and a hint of blush to his cheeks) at the blushing Hyuuga Heiress.

"Hinata-chan?!"

"Seriously?!" Sasuke muttered.

"Oh! Uh, hello N-Naruto-kun! Um, apparently the Sage of Six Paths brother is my ancestor, and he sent a puppet from the moon to lend me his chakra to let me break free and help you..."

At everyone's stares, she flushed and shrugged.

"It's... A long story."

"Must be," Obito muttered, "seriously, where were you HIDING all these superpowered youngsters?!"

"Are you complaining?" Kakashi asked. "Especially since this entire state of affairs is half your fault."

"... Touche," Obito sighed.

"Wha..." Sakura groaned. "Great... Well, the odds are better but-"

"AS I WAS SAYING," Kaguya snarled, her serenity well and truly gone as she flew back up, "no matter what you do or conceive of, you will never-"

"YAMANA MIND ART: MIND SHATTER!"

"Will you let me finish a sent-!"

A psychic blow as powerful as a meteor strike sent Kaguya's body into the lava, shortly followed by her soul.

And a smug Ino Yamanaka was now standing alongside her friends.

"Seriously?!" Sakura shouted. "INO-PIG?! HOW ARE YOU-?!"

"I'm a psychic and I got locked into a psychic dream world," Ino scoffed, "work it out, Forehead!"

Sakura paused.

"... Okay, that actually makes some sense, compared to all the others."

"How does my explanation of hot blooded youth not make sense?" Lee asked.

"And answered," Sasuke deadpanned.

"THAT'S IT!" Kaguya bellowed, glaring up and looking as dignified as an immortal rabbit goddess can while covered in hot lava.

"LISTEN! I'M GOING TO FLY BACK UP THERE, AND IF ONE MORE MORTAL WITH AN ABSURD POWER UP IS THERE, I'M GOING TO BE TRULY NETTLED! GOT IT?"

She flies up, looking around. She then nodded.

"... Okay, now that that ridiculousness is over, let's get this final battle for the Earth underway-"

"Insect Art: Plagues of Egypt!" Cried Shino as he unleashed a swarm of insects as numerous as the stars in the sky.

"Beast Art: Rage of Fenrir!" Roared Kiba, as he and Akamaru merged into a gigantic, spectral wolf of chakra that howled in defiant rage.

"Shadow Realm Jutsu!" Declared Shikamaru, opening a portal to a realm of utter blackness.

"Body Expansion Jutsu: Giant SMASH!" Bellowed Chouji, now a giant the size of a mountain and falling like a meteor right for Kaguya's head.

"Super Beast Scroll: Artistic Destruction!" Called out Sai, a veritable army of artistic beasts pouring from his scroll.

Kaguya's response to this overwhelming show of force was entirely rational:

"OH COME ON!"

Note that I love Kishimoto. I just make fun out of love.