Total Drama Endless, Episode Two
...
We open where we had left off last time. Twenty-Six contestants, cherry picked from across popular culture had just been beamed aboard the personal Starship of a one Conner O'Gleeson.
Conner smiles proudly as his guests take in this surrounding. Markus looks particularly impressed.
"Yo, is this where we're going to be chilling while were on the show? Cause it's tight as hell."
"Well Markus what can say? I've always been proud of myself for running a very tight ship."
He cracks a smile and looks a them expectedly. Only Amethyst and Doofenshmirtz laugh.
"But in all seriousness let me give you the tour, everybody out this way, captain's orders."
He leads them out of the room, through a hallway, and up a flight of stairs. They enter into a centrally spaced and cozy looking lounge, filled with couches, ottomans and other places to sit.
"This will be your shared space." Conner says. "Feel free to gather here in your off time to read, gossip, partake in gladiatorial combat, what have you. The rooms surrounding you are your team's barracks. Team One's to the left, Team Two to the right and Team Three is directly in front off us. Barrack of course isn't really a word anyone associates with comfort, but we've tried to make them relatively nice places to spend time in. True, loggings on this show have in the past ranged from unsightly to nightmarish but to be completely honest that was Chris Mclean's way doing things. Me, I'd think a good night's sleeps important, and I'd like it if you were all well rested for our destinations to come.
Right behind me is the main hallway, which is kind of almost like the spine of the ship with all sorts of little nooks and nerves all feeding back to it. That's lined with every kind of room you'd need besides a bedroom and bathroom so of course feel free to explore those. There! That's everything, I officially release you from having to listen to me, go off and make yourselves at home, do whatever you heart pleases. Oh, except you team three."
"Why us?" Susie asks.
"Your prize for coming in first place today." Says Conner. "You lovely ladies (And Markus) are having dinner with me and the other staff."
"Oh, that's actually really nice of you, thanks." Susie says.
"Don't mention it." Replies Conner. "Just meet me down by the crew quarters down the hall at the front of the ship."
Cut to the front of the ship.
While the contestant's space is nice, the crew quarters are as one would expect much nicer. Their large living space below the bridge is noticeably better furnished then the other parts of the ship. The bulk of the area is open much like the shared space for contestants and seems to share the same purpose. Although, with the noticeable inclusion large top to floor windows in the front wall. Everything together gives off the feeling of being in a lavish penthouse. Team three sits down at a long table placed near the windows, Conner and some of his crew are already waiting for them.
"Team three, welcome to our private abode, I'm glad you could all make, I know for a fact that the hallway can be treacherous this time of evening." He says.
"That's a blatant falsehood." Jeffrey Sawicki remarks emotionlessly.
"No, it's true, Jeremy's been leaking again, and he's made a real tripping hazard. Maybe you'd like to demonstrate for our guests"
"I'd rather not do anything of the sort." Jeffrey says.
Conner chuckles and then looking back at his guest gestures to Jeffrey.
"I trust you've all meet Jeffrey?"
"Sure haven't." Remarks a wry Lapis Lazuli.
Conner grins embarrassedly. 'Right, of course, I introduced him to the audience, not you. Well quick summary for you, my friend Jeffrey here; is a massive, unyielding, unceasing, douche. He's a real douche of a… One hesitates to call him a man."
"Just like Jeremy, right?" Asks Janna.
"No, Jeremy I give grief to sometimes but he's a sweetheart." Conner insists. "You'll see, he'll be the one cooking for us this fine evening.
Jeremy oozes in from the hallway and ducks into a kitchen to their left. Some the ladies look a little repulsed.
Markus looks unfazed. "So long as that thing can cook bacon, we good."
"Assuming he hasn't converted to Islam again it should be fine." Conner assures him.
"The blobs got a history of stuff like that?" Janna asks smirking.
"You'd be surprised." Conner says.
Besides Conner a large creature covered in hair growls.
"Also joining us is this walking shag carpet next to me, Our designated co-pilot Chewbacca."
The creature growls in a vaguely friendly way.
"Well, you certainly have a type of company you seem to like surrounding your self with." Athena observes.
" I mean the guys an Aenir he can kind to as he pleases."
A short semi humanoid Cephalopod-esque creature wearing and skirt and a cloth over it's face walks up to them.
"Everyone, this is Yerdey Yisme" Conner says. "He's a Fiseng. Yerdey this is team three, they just won the first challenge."
"Really?" Remarks Yerdey seemingly impressed. "Got to admit that's pretty impressive. I hear some of the contestants on the other team are pretty hard to beat, That Perky in girl in particular I've been hearing some rumor that…"
"You talkin about the mermaid?" Markus asks. "Cause the other team's already gotten rid of here.
Beat.
"…Come again?" Yerdey asks.
"Yep, she's the first one gone." Janna says.
"Yerdey you seem abnormally bothered by this." Conner asks him. "You didn't have any connected to Perky, did you? No wealth sharing packs or anything?"
Yerdey looks visibly annoyed. "No, it's fine." He insists then mutters quietly to himself. "Apparently a competent henchwoman is too much to ask for."
"Wonderful, well now that we're all acquainted. Let's eat." Conner declares.
Jeremy bursts out of the kitchen with a tray full of food.
Cut to an hour later.
Dinner's surprisingly delicious. Or at least much better than team three had expected. Jeremy's been generous with their servings but not to the extent that none of them would say no to an after-dinner banquet of pastry's and warm beverages.
Jeremy comes out of the kitchen with another dish, gurgling proudly.
"I hope everyone still has some room." Conner tells them. "because when it comes to his cooking, Jeremy's tiramisu here is really the Coup de grâce. Am I saying that right?"
"That's alright, I've had enough mortal food for one evening, I think I'd prefer to relax for moment and watch the cosmos with a glass of wine." Athena says. She gets up and goes to stand by the window, admiring the swirling colours of distant nebulas
"I don't blame you." Conner tells her. "The Andromeda galaxy is quite the looker tonight."
"Dude, I thought we we're dimension hoping?" Janna says. "What are we doing in the next galaxy over from home? Shouldn't we be halfway across the multiverse by now?"
"Janna, I'll have you know that I find it rather rude you think you live in the only universe with an Andromeda galaxy." Conner scolds. "I've got another pilot here we need to pick up. "
"You mean to tell me you embarked without a vital member of your crew?" Athena asks him.
"Well... He's something of a last-minute replacement." Conner admits. "I was going to have a good friend of Chewie's as our second pilot, but then with Indy being around I assume that would probably have led to some questions. So, we settled for this guy."
"You make it sound like this guy's a trade down." Lapis says.
A brightly coloured ship jumps out of warp drive and docks next to them, a second later they hear the airlock open and close somewhere in the vessel. A man walks through the door of the crew quarters, His clothing, sleek and futuristic, combat boots, tight pants and a red leather jacket, he walks stoically up to the table, face obscured by a grey breathing mask with red eyes. He stops in front Chewbacca. The creature growls nervously.
"This guy's my co-pilot?" Askes the Stranger.
"Yeah, have a problem with that?" Says Yerdey. "cause buddy let me tell you pilots are a dime a dozen where were going."
The newcomer pauses for a second, then removes his mask, revealing a dirty blond thirty something year old man, his face lit up with boyish glee.
"No way…" He breathes. "I get to fly a ship with Chewbacca!?"
"You're pleased with this prospect?" Asks a confused Athena.
"Pleased!?" He asks her incredulously. "You kidding me!? Every kid on the planet would trade his left nut for this opportunity!"
Chewbacca lets out a very confused growl.
"Holy **** I'm in a room with Chewbacca!" Exclaims the pilot. He turns to Conner. "Don't tell me Han's here to?"
"Unfortunately, no, it was either him or Indiana Jones." Conner tells him.
"…Indiana Jones is on this ship? The Indiana Jones!? Yeah, thinks it's official. This is the greatest day of my life."
Conner chuckles. "Glad to hear it." He turns to the ladies (And Markus) "Everyone, this is Peter Quill, also goes by Starlord, he'll be our other captain on this voyage."
Princess Peach gets up, apparently to great Peter.
"Princess Toadstool!?" He says wonderstruck. "God, it is such an Honor, I must have saved you from Koopa least three dozen times."
Peach ignores him completely instead helping herself to an overly large piece of Jeremy's Tiramisu
Peter seems taken aback.
"What? Was it something I said?"
Markus laughs. "Nah man, she's just loopy like that. Short on the mind and ****."
"Markus." Conner says warningly.
"Aiight, no cussing, sorry."
Janna watches Peach stuff her plate with additional pastries. "The chicks alright, seems to have a killer sweet tooth too which is right on."
Tigress smiles nostalgically. "She reminds me of an acquittance back home."
"Yeah, same." Lapis says. "Kinda reminds me of Amethyst. You guys now her, right? She's on the other team."
"There's one in every team." Janna says.
Fluttershy nods. "I think so to. Back home my friend Pinkie Pie once ate so many cakes she-"
Her story whatever it would have been is interrupted by her yawning.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Pardon my manners."
"Perhaps that's a sign that it's time for use to retire for the evening." Athena says.
"Yes, I think that would be wise, seeing how this little one here is already asleep." Tigress observes, and she nudges Susie who's passed out in the chair next to her.
Athena makes to sake Conner's hand again. "Thank you for this evening, you've been a favorable host and your … servant there is a praiseworthy chef."
Jeremy gurgles proudly, Peter looks at him revolted as if he's just noticed the thing.
"Well, what can I say? If you enjoyed yourselves that much, I'd recommend that you keep winning." Conner tells them.
"Oh, we will." Janna assures him.
"Great, we'll see how that goes, oh and one last thing, it's really a testament to my hosting skills that I've forgotten to bring it up till now." Says Conner.
"What?" Says Markus.
"The reason you didn't get team names today is because for once we're letting you choose those yourselves." Explains Conner. "Now I'm going to need one from you guys in the morning. So, get some rest and bring me back a shiny new name for yourselves first thing tomorrow. Good night ladies… and Markus."
Team Three walks out leaving Conner standing there looking satisfied.
"Well gentlemen what do you think? Figure any them have a shot at the going the whole way."
"Well seeing how at least one of the other teams is make up of nothing but a bunch of mammal brained lamers who can be arsed not to vote off there best player… I say these guys have at least a decent shot." Yerdey grumbles.
"Wow… that's a whole lot of investment in a game that supposedly just started." Peter says. "Do you have stakes in this is something?"
Yerdey look irritable. "Apparently no."
Cut to their barrack.
Well feed and craving a good night's rest team three settles down in their beds, more than happy to discover that Conner wasn't lying about their quality.
"We've done well today girls, keep this up and we're going places." Janna tells them.
"The host's right though, we'll need a name for ourselves going forward." Athena says.
Markus taps his chin. "Yo, I was thinking we could be the Flower Girl's or something, cause like, One of my favorite albums when I was first getting in to rap was Flower Boy, but ya'll ain't boys, I'm the only one so…"
"Sounds fine dude." Janna says.
The others murmur in agreement,
"Ya'll good with that?" He asks them.
"Meh, it's good enough, I'm to tired to think up anything else anyway." Janna says.
"Tight, So we're good, No other ideas then?"
He leans over to Peach who has the bed next to him.
"What's about you, Got any names for us?" He asks her.
"Team…Peachy?" She mumbles into her pillow.
Markus chuckles. "Yeah, dumb as hell that one."
He smiles and closes his eyes.
Cut to next morning.
The three teams are back in the room they boarded the ship on, Conner stands in front of them.
"Contestants, welcome to day two." He announces "I hope you've all slept well."
"Not at all no." Dipper Pines grumbles.
Conner looks genuinely surprised. "Really? I'm sorry you guys. Was it the mattresses? I can get them switched up for you?"
"Oh, no the mattresses we're fine." Says Beatrice. "The problem was this guy (She gestures at Rick) hit his flask a little to hard."
"For the record, they're overexaggerating." Rick says defensively. "I can hold my Liquor waaay better than they say I can.
"You spent half the night screaming about your love life." Dipper yells indignantly. "And way, WAY to descriptively for the record!"
"Look kid, it's better you learn that stuff from me than that dumper fire you people call the public education system." Rick says unapologetically. "Right Conner?"
Conner has his face rested in his hand laughing silently.
"Okay, well then. Maybe not a good night for everyone but certainly a very… transformative night to say the least. In fact, I feel some reintroductions are in order, Team one start us off, who are you?"
"Conner we're the Fact Hunters." Dipper says shortly. "We find the truth no matter what."
"… Even if we didn't ask for it." Beatrice adds with another glance at Rick.
Conner grins again. "Fact Hunters, excellent, very fitting. Team Two!"
"We're Short N Spunky." Amethyst tells him.
"I know but what's your team name?" Conner laughs. "I kid. Team Three!
"Flower Girls." Janna says.
"Okay? What, are you all off to wedding or something?" Conner asks.
Susie sighs. "I told you guys he'd say that."
"I know, I'm needlessly cruel." Conner chuckles. "…And yet still so much better than the last host. Speaking of Mr. Mclean, why don't we break in that new team name morale by stroking his ego. We've got three more statues and another locale to find them in, everybody ready to go?"
"I'm always ready." Yao says.
"Good! Then go, away with you people! I release thee!"
He pressed a button on the wall and beamed them all down.
Cut to the Locale.
The Contestants arrive on a sunny beach, Azure water laps against yellow sand, and a warm sun beats down on them, past the sand the beach is flanked by palm trees, leading into a lush jungle environment.
Dipper wipes his forehead. "Phew, It's muggy here, maybe we're in the tropics?"
"Really? What gave it away?" Indiana Jones asks dryly.
"I mean, don't know." Dipper says. "This is a voyage around the multiverse, right? Like, I mean, who's to say we're even on Earth?"
"Uh, Yeah." Rick says. "Points for trying, but other planets have tropical zones as well so you're still just pointing out the obvious. You tired really hard there not to be a ******* But you fell short, probably because you're a *******."
"Hey man, can you lay off for five minutes?" Dipper asks defensively.
"What'd did I hurt your feeling?" Rick mocks. "Kid if you bruise that easily you're not lasting long to this game."
"Actually, after last night you're the one that's on shaky ground." Beatrice says.
"Oh yeah." Nods Roy R Brown.
"What!? In case you've all forgotten, I'm the only reason we won yesterday." Rick shouts.
"Second place placement, with a game breaking tactic. That's not an achievement most players would be proud to accomplish." Observes Letsplay Lenny.
Rick grumbles and wipes out his flask. "Ingrates."
"You better prove you're worth quickly here or you're going home." Indy tells him.
"Alright fine, Jesus. I'll carry you all again for the second day in the round Happy? Now come on. If we're planning on winning this thing, we're not going to do by standing around with our thumbs up our asses."
He runs into the jungle his team close behind.
Cut to The Flower Girls.
The ladies (And Markus) have already put distances between themselves and the other teams.
Fluttershy looks around smiling pleasantly. "Oh, my what a lovely place they've send us to. And here I was thinking everywhere we'd go would be loud and scary."
"Yeah, It's not scary. It's boring." Lapis says.
"Yeah but I mean, come on, there's got to be something weird around here." Janna insists.
"What makes you so sure?" Athena asks her.
"You think they'd make us spend a whole day searching around some boring normal tropical island?" Janna says.
"You see anything out of the ordinary here?" Lapis asks.
Beat.
"Alright, maybe they're more lame than I gave them credit." Janna admits.
Tigress holds out a paw to stop them. "Quiet! I hear someone coming."
She ushers them behind a bush. Sure enough they hear what must be two locals coming up the path.
"I'm telling you Franklin, Fergie's losing it here. I get his fear of parties in all, but it seems like he's getting worse every time Central comes calling."
"Gnarly news Paulie. Seems the Little dude's seen better days."
"Man, I don't know. With Fergie it's one crazy situation after another. Hope Hudson finds him."
"He will, Hudson never misses a chance for good publicity dude."
"Greetings fair travelers!" Athena says emerging from their hiding spot.
"AGH!"
Both of the locals' recoil, Athena's taken back a little herself. Paulie and Franklin seem to be a talking fox and a bear respectively, which while strange is quite on par for the quality of contestants they've seen so far (Tigress being an obvious example). What's stranger is that instead of being talking animals the two appear to be walking, talking, sentient pinatas.
"Aliens! They've come for our brains!" Cries Franklin in a thick surfer accent.
"We're not Aliens." Tigress says.
"Nah dawg, Lapis is." Markus says. "She told me this morning."
"Yup." Lapis says.
"Fine, most of us aren't aliens." Tigress relents "But we mean you no harm."
"We're on a game show." Says Susie.
"Oh, why'd didn't you say so dudettes?" Franklin asks before nodding to Markus. "Plus dude."
"Yo, respect." The Rapper replies.
"Game show?" Says Paulie. "What didn't anyone tell me about that? That sounds better than dragging Fergie out of his hiding place, or anything else going on in Pinata Island right now."
"Pinata island, I take it that's were we are right now?" Janna asks. Franklin nods.
"Sure is dudettes; plus, dude."
"Yo, respect."
"You guys on the best place like anywhere, Pinata Island!" Franklin continues proudly. "Hundreds of acres of nothing but bodacious weather and Pinatas full of sweet, tasty, candy!"
Suddenly Princess Peach's eyes go wide. Her mouth starts watering. Franklin glances at her uncertainly.
"Whoa, she alright there dudettes? Plus, dude?"
"Yo, respect."
Peach has seemingly entered a trace like state, she starts muttering. "Peachy want. Peachy want!"
"AAAH!"
She lunges at the two Pinata's, Yae grabs her by the collar as Paulie and Franklin yell and flee in terror.
"She's going eat us!" Paulie yelps.
"Oh man dude!" Franklin cries. "She totally was after our brains!"
"Run!"
They spirit off into the distance, leaving dust clouds in their wake.
Peach looks disappointed as the others looks unimpressed.
"Great." Complains Lapis. "Thanks for scaring off our two leads before they could tell us anything useful."
"Aw Peachy, sad." Peach mopes. "No candy for Peachy."
"Excuse me? What was that about candy?"
A man appears out the bushes, seemingly human but with a red tiki face for a head (perhaps it's a mask)
"Fellow human beings!" The stranger cries upon seeing them. "Oh, how it's been so long. My name is Pester, Professor Pester. I couldn't help but overhear your little Pinata problem."
"Nah, it's cool dude, most of us aren't trying to eat them. We're just looking for a statue." Janna says.
"Have you seen any around?" Susie asks. "It's a golden bust of a man with too much hair gel."
"Hmm, doesn't ring a bell. But perhaps I could help you look and in exchange you do something for me?" Pester offers.
"What is it you desire?" Athena replies.
Pester points off into the distance. They look were he's pointing. There a large mountain on the horizon with a colourful complex built on top.
"See that there?" He says. "That's Pinata Central. Every day Pinata's gorge themselves on candy so they can be blasted out of that Cannonata off to parties, where they're enjoyed by children across the world. Selfish brats. It's not fair, why should they get to have all that delicious candy come to them for nothing?"
Peach nods her head, eyes wide again.
"So, let me guess, you want us to smash up that Cannon, so they'll quit giving out freebies?" Janna asks.
"Precisely!" Says Pester. "Then once I've found a way to rid myself of you people, I'll have all the Pinatas and their delicious candy all to myself Mwahahah- "
He pauses.
"I didn't say that last part out, loud did I?"
"Nope, totally in your head dude." Janna assures him
"Excellent! Now, where was I? Oh yes, that's right!"
He goes back to laughing manically again.
The Flower Girls glance at each other uncertainly. "Where not really going to help that man are we?" Asks Fluttershy. "I mean, Pardon me for jumping to conclusions, but I don't think he's hearts in the right place."
"Oh no, he's totally evil." Says Janna. "We're ditching him as soon as he leads us to the Cannon."
"Why do want to go there?" Susie asks.
"That device does seem to be the pivotal landmark on this island, and our host has already shown he favors those as a hiding spot." Athena says considering it. "It seems like a good place to search."
"The path to that mountain appears rather straight forward, I'm not certain what the need is for bringing that gentlemen as a guide." Tigress says. Janna shrugs.
"I dunno. He seems dumb and fun to mess is. Kinda like Marco."
"We already have Peach for that." Lapis says.
"Yeah… but come on." Janna smirks. "It's better with two of them."
"Fine." She turns to Pester unenthusiastically. "Lead us the way, oh all knowing guide."
"Exquisite, Follow me ladies!"
"Man, no respect, what up with that?" Markus asks.
Cut back to Fact Hunters.
Team one's further in the jungle, where the colour saturated vegetation is at it's densest. Rick leads the pack, his team following behind watching him closely.
"So Rick." Roy asks. "Got another crazy plan to save your sorry arse?"
"Uh, yes, and it's amazing, thank you." Rick retorts impatiently.
"That's great, what is it?" Asks Beatrice.
"Yeah, instead of telling you that, how about you all shut up and look at this?" Rick says.
His team begrudgingly do as their told and look. They've reached the top of a hill and have found themselves a perfect overlook into a village bellow, as well as it's colourful townsfolk.
"Are those… Pinatas down there?" Dipper asks uncertainly
"Welcome to the multiverse." Rick says.
"Alright, you're not really serious, are you? Let me see." Says Indy
He pushes past Rick and squints.
"What's the verdict?" Beatrice asks him.
Indy glances back at her in confusion. "Theirs a bunch of living pinatas down there." He says.
"Huh, wonder what they get up to all day?" Dipper asks.
"If there anything like my living pinata's they'd spent most of their time trying and failing to ruin a child's birthday parties." Doof says. Indy gives him a look. Doof grins. "Right, of course, New friend, don't know anything yet. I make Inators you know, little devices, one of them was a Turn-Pinata's-Evilinator. Some kids in the building next to me keep hosting parties. Long story, Perry the Platypus was there, you remember, don't you?"
He looks to Perry who nods in argument.
"You make an evil invention and made a mockery of the natural order… because some kid was having a birthday party near you?" Dipper asks flatly.
"Well, yeah but, you kinda had to be there." Doof says defensively. "I mean come on, you who likes a pinata at a party anyway? everyone gathers around with blindfolds swinging bats around your furniture, and then what? Candy spills all over the floor, yeah great reward, you've just made a mess. And then they expect you to eat candy off the ground. It's barbaric is what It is."
"You think you got it bad, try being the Pinata!"
"Who's there?" Roy asks.
A bush rustle next to them Doofenshmirtz reaches in and pulls out a Pinata, it's vaguely in the shape of a hedgehog with a green face and a multicoloured body.
"AH! Aliens!" Yelps the Pinata. "Don't eat me!"
"Much as I'd love to, we don't have time for that, whatever the hell you are." Rick says.
"I'm a fudgehog." Says the Creature. "Fergie Fudgehog to be specific."
"Yeah. I don't care, hence why I didn't ask." Rick retorts.
"Wait so if you're a fudgehog instead of a hedgehog, doesn't that mean you're filled with fudge or do you hide in piles of fudge much like a hedgehog would hide in hedges?" Doof asks.
"Piles of fudge!?" Exclaims Fergie. "I wish we had some of those lying around, it'd sure make hiding a lot sweeter."
"What'd you hiding for?" Beatrice asks.
"Because I don't want to go to a party!?" Fergie says impatiently. "Why else?" He points a stubby little forelimb at Doofenshmirtz. "It's like this guy says, Parties are the worst place imaginable for a Pinata. Me and Paulie we're the only ones on the whole island to realise that until you guys came along."
Doof nods. "Yeah see? Like I said whacking Pinata's are terrible even this Pinata agrees."
"He seems like he'd be biased." Beatrice says.
"Well I trust this little guy even if you don't." Doof insists.
Fergie grins up at him. "Gee thanks, you're a real pal."
"Oh, no worries, it's my pleasure." Doof says humbly. "You know I feel a kindred spirit between us to, like we could be fast friends if we wanted to."
Perry chitters.
"Don't worry Perry the Platypus, no need to be jealous, this guy won't replace you. See he and me we're two of a kind but you and me Perry the Platypus, we complement each other. That's like a totally different relationship there. So, we're good."
Perry gives him a thumbs up.
"Wow friends with Aliens." Fergie says. "I bet you guys could protect me from the Cannonata."
"Cannonata? What's that?" Rick asks him. "Some kind of local landmark slash area of importance that a hack TV show host could hide three statues of his sadistic predecessor?"
"The Cannonata is part of the Pinata Central factory complex, Once your player has become a level 14 gardener they will start receiving requests from the factory, Then all that needs to be done is max out the requested piñatas candiosity and they'll be shipped out and blasted off to child's party where they'll be enjoyed to their fullest potential." Lenny says speaking as if he had swallowed a game manual.
"Are you going to do that every where we go?" Beatrice asks.
"Provided everywhere we go is either inspired by or directly from a video game then yes. Yes, I will be." He insists.
"Great, thanks, you gave us a bunch of useless exposition and still didn't answer the question." Rick grumbles. "Is the Cannon place a landmark?"
"Kind of." Fergie says.
"It would have to be." Lenny says.
"What direction is it?" Rick asks.
"Straight ahead of us why?" Fergie says.
"Alright, I know where the Statues are, let's roll." Rick says.
"Hey, What about our new friend?" Doof asks.
"I thought you people we're the one's that wanted to win." Rick says shortly.
"Well yeah, but..."
"Then let's go! Move!"
"Alright, alright, I'm going!" Doof yelps.
They run off leaving Fergie behind all alone.
"Aw nuts, and just when we we're really bonding." He says. "Oh well back to hiding."
He ducks back into the bush.
Cut back to The Flower Girls.
"Look." Fluttershy says. "There it is."
A towering device is on the horizon in front of them, it's seeming built over a mountain, with walkways, hoses, tubes, and even a Ferris wheel sticking out of it on all sides, on the very top is a golden cannon with seven barrels radiating out of it.
"Great, about time, we could have been here sooner if it hadn't been for someone." Lapis complains throwing Pester a dirty look.
"Those several dozen wrong turns we when down we're all part of the plan." The Professor assures her.
"Like, you know we're in a race right dawg?" Markus asks him.
"Well now if anyone had been following you, I've surely thrown them off our trail." Pester declares proudly.
Lapis sighs exasperatedly. "Still say he was worth it Janna?"
"Yeah, I say he was." Janna says. "Least it will be when I steal his hat after we done with this."
"Come again?" Pester asks.
"We're going to spilt the prize money with you dude." Janna says.
"Really?! You're to kind!" He says "Which will soon be your downfall Mwhahaha…"
Janna grins. "I love this guy."
"Ay, Yo! Hold up, we got company." Markus says.
He's right the Fact Hunters have just burst out of the bushes two hundred metres ahead of them running towards the Cannonata.
"Guys they're right behind us." Dipper says.
"I can hold them off if you need me to." Wednesdays says.
"That depends, would whatever you're planning be survivable?" He asks her. Wednesday gives her an unamused look.
"I suppose I could give a remote chance."
"I think we're good then." Dipper says.
Athena glances back at the approaching Fact Hunters before turning to Tigress. "You there, beast with the Amazonian spirit. Can you delay them again?"
"I can, But I may have a better solution." Tigress says. "Those of us who can fly go and see if our prize is up there."
"We're on it." Lapis says.
She and Fluttershy take off into the sky and circle around the golden device.
"What's the word?" Markus says.
"There not up here, they must inside." Lapis shouts down to him.
"You heard the blue lady." Roy says to his team. "They're in the Cannon!"
The Fact Hunters rush into the main building. Locking the door behind them.
"Boxing girl! You're up." Janna says.
Yae cracks her knuckles and tries to force open the door, after a few attempts it works and the Flower girls file in.
The Inside space of the Cannonata seems to be filled with a Rube Goldburg-esque Contraption of swirling gears, tubes, wires, treadmills and Television screens. In the centre a spiral staircase leads up to a command centre where sure enough they can just make out three gold, silver and bronze statues waiting for them. Unfortunately, The Fact Hunters are already halfway up the stairs.
"I don't think we can make it in time." Susie says.
"Those of us that can fly might manage." Athena says.
Lapis shakes her head. "Yeah, sorry guys, I'm not flying in here. Not enough space."
"So, what, we just going let them take it?" Markus asks.
"No don't worry we got this." Janna says. "Hey Peachy!"
"Mm hm?"
"Remember Jeremy's cakes last night?"
"Uh huh!"
"Well you're not getting any today unless you get to that gold statue before they do." Janna tells her.
"Peachy go!" Cries the Princess and like a Bubble gum coloured bullet, she charges up the stairs after them.
Up the stairway Dipper glances down at the commotion below. "Guys we got a problem!"
The Fact Hunter's look down, Peach is quickly gaining on them.
"Peach has got it!"
"Oh ****!" Rick yelps. "Move! Move! Move!"
They spirit up the remaining stairs, but Peach is close behind them, then just the reach the top of the stairs she over takes them. Peach stands in front of the three busts triumphantly.
"Oh, did I wAAAAAAAH!"
Wednesday with no warning or subtlety pushes Peach out of the way, knocking in the Princess over the railing, and down at least a dozen flight of stairs, Landing in front of her team with a sickening thud.
"Yo ****! That was wild!" Markus says.
"Peach!" Susie says.
Fluttershy gasps. "Oh, my goodness!"
She and Susie rush over to her.
Peach gets up, looking dazed.
"Are you okay?" Fluttershy asks nervously.
Peach groans. "Peach-"
Something falls from above and cracks her over the head, it's the silver Chris Mclean Bust. Wednesday calls down to them.
"I think that's yours."
"That was horrific." Dipper says faintly.
"Yeah, but you can't argue with the results. We won baby!" Roy says.
"Great, now will you people get off my ass?" Rick asks.
Outside they hear the Conner's voice booming out of a loudspeaker on his ship.
"And just like that it's over! Fact Hunters score victory with a very literal and tremendously brutal, final push and the end, leaving second place for the Flower Girls, and a distant third place for the Snort and the Spunky, Fact Hunters as a reward you guys will be getting Candy rations for the rest of your time here. Short N Spunky, Sorry guy's you're sending someone home again."
Cut to Short N Spunky.
Somewhere on some other part of the island. While the other two teams were in a neck and neck race, Short N Spunky had been stuck doing housework for some sort of blue Baboon pinata.
"Wait what!?" Amethyst cries. "How did we lose? I thought this monkey had the Statues?"
"Ah, but the great Bonboon never said he had any statues." The Baboon corrects her. "he merely said that you would find what you desired."
"WE DESIRED THOSE STATUES!" Yao roars furiously
The Great Bonboon gulps. "Yes well, customer satisfaction not guaranteed, All sales final. Ta Ta."
He leaps out the window.
"Who was the one that, said we could trust him again?" Amethyst asks icily.
Tails guilty raises his hand.
"… I might have thought that when you do something for someone, they'll have to return the favor."
The others stare him down.
Cut to the Wax Lip Ship.
Short N Spunky sit in a part of the ship they've never seen before. It's a semi-circular room one floor beneath the crew quarters. Two dozen or so red plush seats are arranged to face a central position that Conner's currently occupying. The team sitting on the plush seats watching him intently.
"Short N Spunky, can I just be the first to say I'm sorry." He says. "Two episodes in and your already in a losing streak. If there's any bright side to this is that's this time at least you guys get to see a formal elimination ceremony this time around. And well who knows? Maybe the teammates you're shedding have just been holding you back, and this is the kick in the pants to get you guys a victory. I know I'd personally love to see that. It'd keep the game fresh for sure and of course, who doesn't love an Underdog story? But enough optimism. Let's get back to the here and now and more specifically who you're choosing to view as expendable.
You like the seats that you're sitting in? Comfy enough? Good. Because those seats are all linked to escape pods and at the press button will drop out beneath you sending you into a pod, out of the ship and out of the game. I've got eight of those buttons right here the one's I won't be pressing tonight are…"
"Winry,"
"Bentley,"
"Tomoko,"
"Yao,"
"Amethyst,"
"Ramona,"
It's down to Tails and Julie.
"…and the person going home is…" Conner says.
"I accept my failure guys, I'm sorry." Tails says hanging his head. "It's been an honor to even be here."
"Thank god." Julie says. "This team's better getting rid of our dumbest, dimmest, and most useless..."
"Julie!" Conner says. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. You're going home."
"WHAT!?" She yells.
She turns to look at her teammates. Winry shrugs apologetically.
"Sorry, but we all agree we're better off without your negativity. "
"Yeah, no hard feelings Julie but I get enough of that from you back home." Ramona says.
Julie grits her teeth. "Oh you got to be kidding meEEEEEEEE…"
Conner pressed her button and she drops out of sight.
Tails looks at his team gratefully.
"You guys won't regret giving me another chance." He says. "I'll make sure of it!"
"Ah save it. We'll talk about in the morning." Yao says.
The seven remaining Short N Spunky players get up and head back to their Barrack to retire for the evening, leaving Conner there alone.
"Well folks, there you have it. Things are starting to get wild already and till only get crazier from here, so tune in again some time for another episode of TOTAL! DRAMA! ENDLESS!"