Total Drama Endless, Episode Three
...
Though there isn't of course any sunlight traveling far exceeding relativistic speeds through the void between universes, it is by the artificial definition of the ship's clocks; early morning.
Team Flower Girls are in their barrack siting around the bed of one of there own, Princess Peach.
Peach ended up being dealt a substantial blow to the head in the last moments of the yesterdays match and though as a player she was often dim, brash, and gluttonous, most of her team are still hoping for a recovery.
"Poor princess I hope she wakes up soon." Fluttershy says casting a sympathetic glance down to her friend. Lapis scratches her neck reluctantly.
"Yeah, After that professor what's his name guy. I kind of feel we were too hard on her."
"I still say he was cool." Janna insists. She's wearing Professor Pester's stolen graduation cap instead of her beanie.
Just then Peter Quill one of their ship's pilots walks into the room.
"Ay yo, what up?" Markus says.
"Morning Ladies." Peter says then nods to Markus. "…and Markus."
Markus nods back. "Yo, respect."
"Almost challenge time." Peter tells them. "Me and the boys on the bridge just figured you'd want to know."
"Yeah, great. Uh quick question dude? What'd do if we've got a teammate off of commission?" Janna asks.
"Hell if I know, I just got here yesterday." Peter admits. "I've still got something like two thirds of the rules to go through."
"Well what'd you expect us to do then?" Susie asks.
"I dunno. You considered doing the match without her yet?" Peter says. "I mean with all due respect to Princess Toadstool, childhood icon of mine and all that but… chick might have left her brain in another castle is all I'm saying..."
Athena, Lapis and Markus laugh.
"Yeah, that's our good old Peachy." Markus says. "She always gonna be dumb as hell."
He pats her on the head. Suddenly, she stirs bring everyone in the room to attention.
"Oh good, Thanatos has relinquished her." Athena says.
"What does Thanos have to do with this?" Peter ask uncertainly.
Peach's eyes begin to flutter open. Janna leans over.
"Welcome back Peachy."
There's a pause then suddenly Peach screams. Everyone jumps.
Her eyes dart around the room. There's an alertness in them that wasn't there before.
"Where am I?!" She demands. Her voice has changed as well, it's nowhere near as high as it used to be. "Who are you people? "
"Don't you Remember?" Fluttershy asks fearfully. "We're your teammates."
"Teammates?" Repeats Peach blankly.
She turns and looks at Fluttershy, then shrieks. The little pony cries in terror.
"AGH!" Peach screams. "TALKING HORSE!"
"Yeah. That takes a little while to get used to." Markus says. "But when you do its fire. Also, Yo, you feeling alright Peachy?"
Peach gives him a distressed look. "Who's Peachy?"
The others exchanged an unease look. Peter especially looks nervous.
"Uh… You're Princess Toadstool. Remember?" Quill asks her.
"Isn't her name Peach?" Lapis says.
"Since when?" Peter asks.
"Uh, like the nineties or something?" Markus says.
Peter seems satisfied by the answer. "Huh, guess that would explain it. I haven't been back on old Terra since Eighty-Eight." He turns back to Peach. "Anyway, you're a sweet ass video game babe from the Mushroom Kingdom. Super-hot, super rescuable. Hell of a better reward for beating the game than "conglaturation" But, now you're on this interdimensional game show, Total Drama, going around and searching for statues of some old Canadian guy named Chris. Also, before you ask, I swear we didn't kidnap you."
"Interdimensional game show…" Peach mumble faintly.
Peach gives him something of a deranged look.
"No, no, no, nononono NO! That's insane! You're insane! Every word that just came out of your mouth was insanity! I mean…" She struggles for word. "Okay! Firstly, you really want me to believe I signed up for something like that?"
Peter turns around and grabs a holographic device from off the wall behind him.
"Just a sec, I'm new to the system."
He types something in.
"Ah, there is it."
He hands the device to Peach to read it.
"What's this?" She asks.
"That; your majesty is your contract." Peter says. "Now correct me if I'm wrong but I believe that's your signature on the bottom?"
Peach stares at the writing in confusion.
"I guess that's my name." Says uncertainly. "It seems familiar." She rubs her forehead again. "This is all really weird."
"It's alright. We're all here to help you get back to old self." Tigress assures her.
"Thanks that really nice- wait? Old self?"
"You did two whole rounds with us already." Janna says.
"What!?" Cries Peach.
"Yeah, crazy Peachy." Laughs Markus. "**** if she's gone, I'm gonna miss her."
Peach starts stammering. "I… But… I. I have so many questions!"
Peter checks his watch. "Welp looks like you'll be learning on your feet. Time to go ladies."
"Yo?"
"…And Markus."
Markus nods. "That's what I was looking for."
Cut to the Transporter Room.
Peter and the Flower girls rush into the room. Conner, the other teams and crew members are already there waiting for them.
"There we go, is everyone here now?" Conner asks.
"Yup." Yerdey says.
Conner claps his hand. "Okay, what say we get this show on the road?"
He pressed a button on the wall and beams them all down.
Cut to the Locale.
They arrive in a small wet clearing in a swampy rainforest, surrounded by strange foliage. The trees here more resemble ferns than any tree the contestants are familiar with. Some have rough scale like bark and tower high above them, others grow straight until the about two thirds up where their trunks spilt in two, and some can't even be called trees at all, they seem more like giant horsetail plants. The ground is covered in a thick undergrowth of fallen trees, ferns and smaller horsetail like plants. The air is thick with moisture and the calls of strange creatures.
"Whoa, where are we?" Dipper asks.
"Dipper I believe the better question is, when are we?" Conner says. Rick groans irritably.
"Jesus, tell me we didn't time travel."
"Okay. We didn't time travel." Conner says. "We're on a version of Earth much younger than the one's we're from. It's like time traveling, but without the ever-present risk of destroying the timeline."
"Uh, yeah. Maybe not your timeline. This timeline on the other hand sure as hell isn't going to be on right path with all us primates showing up early." Rick says.
"Rick you seem uncharacteristically concerned about destroying this random version of Earth's history." Conner asks him.
"Yeah well, let's just say even they're people who care about these things." Rick says opaquely.
"What are we talking about Time-cops?" Ramona asks.
"I've meet some of those guys. Rick's right, they're pretty intense." Dipper say.
Conner smirks "Yeah well…" He lowers the pitch of his voice. "Maybe I wanted to piss those guys off. Maybe I'm just a rebel like that."
Indiana Jones whose been wisely not paying attention to this conversation walks over to one of the scale trees and puts his hand on its bark.
"Lepidodendron" He whispers to himself.
"Lepiwhatnow?" Beatrice asks.
The archeologist turns to the others. "It's a scale wood tree. He's brought us to the Carboniferous Period."
"That's right I have." Conner says. "Ladies and Germs welcome to what will be Glasgow, Scotland, circa 300 million years ago. Nothing but swamps and Rainforests as far the eyes can see. And yet somehow it's still drier than its modern equivalent."
"Yo that's tight, Maybe we'll run into a dinosaur or something." Markus says looking around excited. "How we gonna find those statues in all of this though, I mean. I don't know."
"Markus firstly we're a little too early for dinosaurs." Conner says. "But there are in fact giant insects and amphibians about! Don't worry I'm disappointed too."
Markus looks crestfallen. "Man, why we even come here then?"
"It was Yerdey's idea." Conner says.
"I wanted to see what this planet was like before you synapsids took over and ruined it." Yerdey says with a shrug. "Got to say; it's still pretty subaverage."
"As for finding statues, I'm so glad you asked." Conner says.
He wips out three maps out from under his suit jacket and throws one to each of the teams.
"Now as we see more places, experiencing more of this big beautiful multiverse, you'll start to see we've got three different ways of handing a location around this little show of ours.
Sometimes we hide the statues somewhere obvious and drop you into the world blind, meaning that you'll actually have to socialize with locals to figure out where to look, god forbid. Now that should be old news to all of you, think it's fair to say most of you have caught on to that pattern already which, good. You we're supposed too, alright? Let's not have any of these rumours that "ha ha, we've cracked Conner's code two episodes in and now we're free to make a mockery of his game" How dare you think that of me, of my staff and ship. I know what I'm doing, even if hasn't nor will it ever look like that. Alright? Good talk now let's hustle. "
He turns around to preparing to beam back up.
"So, you not gonna tell us why we get maps?" Markus asks confused.
Conner turns back around grinning guiltily from ear to ear.
"I might have intended to but then immediately forgotten about it." He puts a hand to his face and shakes his head. "Roll out the red carpets baby! Daytime Emmy, here we come! Alright, anyways. Yes, the maps. The very important maps."
"Yeah, fill us in on these things." Markus says.
"Okay, so. As I was saying…" Conner continues. "We got three different ways of doing things here, first one's familiar, third one's yet to come, So let's talk second one. Long and short of it, Second one is we drop you somewhere, hand you a map and say "It's around there somewhere, go check it out" Today "Somewhere" means the Paleo-Tethys Ocean, which is about a day's journey that way. So yeah…. Go check it out. Alright, is that everything? Have I done it? Have I successfully done my job?"
"Successful is a forgiving term, but yes, you've gotten everything done." Yerdey remarks.
"Thank Christ." Conner sighs. "Alright, Contestants, you heard the squid, enough listening to me talk. Get out there and explore that primitive forest!"
The teams split off and run into the forest. Suddenly Conner starts laughing embarrassedly. "Oh that's right. One more thing. Watch out for the…."
"…. Yeah, I think there already gone pal." Yerdey says.
"They are without question out of earshot by now." Jeffrey Sawicki states.
"So it appears. Jeffrey yes." Conner says apologetically. "But maybe they'll be fine not knowing."
Beside him Chewbacca grows fearfully.
Cut to Short N Spunky.
It's been about an hour. Short N Spunky have gathered in another clearing about three kilometers east of where they began.
Tails the Fox paces in front of his team, he looks worried.
"Okay, hate to bearer of bad news guys." He says. "But right not, we're not the best shape."
Amethyst gives him a look. "What tipped you off? The fact we're losing every round we've played in so far?"
"Hey we've only lost twice so far. I think we still have a shot of turning our luck around, we just need to get our act together." Tails says optimistically.
"Yeah great, uh here. How about you just fly over to the sea and grab us that gold statue while everyone else is still miles away?" Amethyst says.
Tails frowns. "Umm, I don't know. That kind of sounds like cheating."
"Sounds fairer than a portal gun to me." Ramona says flatly.
"Ramona's right!" Winry says. "We already lost a match to cheating; I think it's fair if we make it even."
"Won't our host get mad?" Tails asks.
The others consider this for a moment.
"Naaaaah."
Tails sighs.
"Okay. I don't want to lose anymore of you guys so I'll do it. But I'd feel better if someone came with me, so I don't get lost."
"Don't worry. The rest of us guys we'll come with you." Yao says patting Amethyst and Bentley on the back.
"Uh... Us guys?" Amethyst asks him.
Yao looks at her surprised. "Oh! Uh, I thought you we're those guys that wears their hair down."
"No worries man, I get it." Amethyst says rolling her eyes. "But for real though, we'll come with you Tails."
Tails smiles at them. "Thank guys, this really makes me feel a whole lot better about going."
"Enough with the soft mushy feelings. Let's kick this challenge where the sun don't shine." Yao says.
"Shorty squad roll out!" Amethyst yells and Tails flies off, Amethyst, Bentley and Yao chasing after him. Winry calls after them.
"Stay safe you guys!"
Cut to Flower Girls
In a word Carboniferous Scotland is damp. However, as it turns out, if one can learn to put up with the oppressive humidity, and ever-present sounds of croaking and insects, then it's actually quite the tolerable place. The great foulage of the Scale woods provide just enough cover to keep the ladies (And Markus) out of the direct sun. And the terrain is a soft and spongy moss that's easy to walk on.
The Flower girls are walking through a particularly lush part of the forest, there pants and shoes soaked from brushing past dew covered ferns.
"…So yeah, anyways." Markus says, filling in Peach on her past exploits. "You got in, like most of challenge two before that little ***** knocked you ass flat, talking nine story, ten story nosedive. BAM, ate **** on the floor. Some of our homies thought that was it, like you be dead or something, but man. Man, I told them, I knew! I told all these ******* here you're too crazy to go.
"I fell nine stories and survived?" Peach asks. "Yikes I… I hope that wasn't too traumatizing for you guys to watch?"
"It was." Susie assure her.
"Nah, you were great!" Markus says. "Man, it was like this pit bull we could throw down on people and **** em up. Like it you we're our tiger it was absolute fire."
Peach looks worried. "That sounds terrifying." She says. "I don't know how to feel about this, two days spent out of my mind. You make it sound like I was possessed."
"Whatever mania overtook you we'll get to the bottom of." Athena tells her. "In the meantime, thought, we're glad to finally have the real you in our services." She raises an eyebrow. "If this is the real you of course?"
"Maybe… I don't know." She says. "Honestly I don't even feel like Peach."
"If you're not Peach, then who are you?" Lapis with a worried glance.
Peach returns her look of concern. "I don't know." She rubs her forehead "This is ridiculous though. I have to be Peach right? I mean…" She stares at her hands. "I mean I've got her body; I mean my body, right? There isn't anyone else I could be. So why don't I feel like myself?"
"It's okay. I'm sure you'll feel like yourself again soon." Fluttershy says reassuringly.
"Yes. Keep trying, you're of much better use to us with your sanity." Tigress says.
She pulls out the map.
"We're turning left here, the quickest way to our goal is through the swamp."
"Man, that first place prize better be new shoes then." Markus says.
The nine of them begrudgingly trudge into the knee-deep water, all except Fluttershy (who's flying) Susie (who's riding piggyback with Markus again) and…
"Well princess, you coming or what?" Janna asks Peach, who's still standing on the edge of the swamp, looking very unenthusiastic.
"Are you sure this is the quickest way?" She asks.
"Yes!" Tigress says impatiently. "Now come on, we need to keep moving if we want first place."
"Little water won't kill you princess." Janna says.
"I know, I'm sorry but... you're sure there's not another way?" Peach asks. "I mean memory or no memory I don't want to go swimming in this ballgown."
"Boo. Lame. Crazy Peach would have done it." Janna says.
Peach scowls.
"Well, sorry but that Peach isn't here right now. This Peach more dignity than that so, I'm afraid I have to put my foot dow- AIEEEEEEEEEE!"
While she had been talking Peach placed her foot down on what looked to be loose tree bark on the ground, only for it to hiss and scuttle away... The creature props it's itself revealing it to be a monstrous, two-meter-long Millipede. Peach leaps backwards instinctively.
"Aw, No way! That's awesome!" Janna says grinning.
"You wouldn't think so if you had been the one to step on it." Peach says.
Janna laughs. "Step on it? Nah, dude. If I were you I'd be trying to ride that thing."
She brushes up against something in the water it moves slightly.
"Janna…" Says Lapis.
"What?"
She turns around. An amphibious creature at least twice as long as the millipede snarls at them and snaps at Janna's fingers.
"Woah, woah! WOAH!"
She pulls herself out of its reaches, it swims after her.
The team freaks and scrambles back to land in a panic, all except Tigress
"Leave this to me." She growls.
She leaps out of the water and landing with a kick to the creatures back. The Amphibian hisses in fury and snaps viciously at her. Every try it has she blocks with her fists. The Amphibian staggers, seizing the moment Tigress lunges at it head on, grabbing its forearms and swinging it's over her head. The thing lands on a upside down on a log. It flips itself around snaps furiously at Tigress and slinks away.
Flower Girls cheer.
"New plan. The princess was right after all." Tigress says not missing a beat. "The swamp is more hazardous than we original took it for. From now on we stick to land."
"I mean, whatever you say." Markus says with an impressed look.
"Good. Now move out, we'll need to be quick to stand a chance taking this longer route." Tigress commands. She marches back into the forest, the rest of the team following, Peach taking up the rear looking embarrassed.
Cut to the sky.
High above even the towering trees of this primitive era, Tails the fox zooms through the sky.
"Wow guys, you we're right at this pace we'll get there with time to spare." He says.
No response.
"Guys?"
He swoops back down the ground the other three are about a mile behind him, clutching their chests.
"Woah guys! Are you all alright?" Tails asks.
"Just a little out of breath is all." Bentley says.
"There's got to be a better way of doing this." Yao pants.
"No, it's okay we got this." Amethyst says.
Yao stops panting and looks at her. "Wait a sec… How long has that been there?"
Amethyst is now sporting a handlebar mustache. "What this thing?" She asks. "I've had this the whole-time dude, pay attention."
Bentley gives her a curious look. "Pardon the odd question, but you wouldn't be able change your physical form? Could you?"
"Maybe I can, maybe I can't." Amethyst says evasively. "Why? What'd you asking for?"
"Now I may be jumping to conclusions, but if you were able to grow that mustache, then maybe you could grow some wings?" Bentley asks her.
Amethyst almost looks offended. "Wings? Please. I can do you one better than that shell boy."
Her body dissolves into a radiant white light, when it's faded Amethyst has transformed into a helicopter. (Still with a mustache of course)
Yao's jaw drops. As does Tails.
"is that good for you dude?" Amethyst asks.
"Good?" Bentley says. "It's incredible, our transportation woes are over!"
"Sounds great, just follow me and watch over for dragonflies. Their as big as pigeons around here!" Tails tells them.
"Aw, dude! Seriously?" Amethyst says. "That sounds wicked. In fact, ..."
She transforms from the helicopter into a giant dragonfly.
"Alright. Let's fly."
"What are you?" Yao asks with another strange look. "Some kind of mystical spirit or something?"
She smirks at him. "You got a problem with me dude?"
"Nah, but let me tell ya. Things are getting weird around here, even by this game's standards." Yao says.
"We can question things later." Amethyst says. "Right now, dragonfly Amethyst wants to be in her natural habitat; the road to victory."
Bentley and Yao get on her back and the four of them fly off into the east. Yao still shaking his head resignedly.
"…I mean I'm talking to a bunch of animals here. That hasn't happened since that new year's I drank too much plum wine."
Cut to the Short N Spunky Girls.
We seem to be a Japanese high school, things are strange, a light mist settles over the building as the light pouring in from the outside windows shines through in hazy pinks and dark purples. The hallways are crowded with Students without faces. Gossiping of nothing and no one. Suddenly one of the doors burst open, drawing everyone's attention. Out of it steps the most popular girl in school, her hair is inky, silky black, drawn over one of her eyes to invoke mystery. The eye that is showing is an enrapturing sea green pool one can't help but get lost in. Her stylish dress flies in direct violation of the school's dress code, but no one would dare bring it up. Not the girl they all idealize.
The students swarm around her, egger to get a word it.
"Oh, look at her." Says one girl.
"All those years spent studying next to her, I was a fool to not see her beauty." Another blurts out.
"She is the best of us, they all envy her in Ginza, In Hollywood, Cannes!" Says an awestruck third.
"Smartest, cutest, most popular girl around, Is there any wonder she won that reality TV show."
"There's no other girl like you; Tomoko Kuroki!"
"Actual, my dear." Tomoko says haughtily. "There is one other girl."
The students gasp in shock and outrage.
"B-but!? Whoever could possibly compare to your beauty!?"
Tomoko smirks.
"Oh, we're rather close actually. In fact, I see every morning in the mirror."
The students laugh uproariously. Tomoko chortles along with them.
"You are so funny Tomoko Kuroki!" Cheers the crowd.
"They're kind of right you know."
The students vanish Tomoko wipes around.
Ramona Flowers is sitting on top of a set of lockers smirking at her.
Tomoko looks up at her horrified. "W-what?"
"I mean I know they we're all just a bunch of mindless clones made to act out your fantasies but, all in all that actually was a pretty decent quip." Ramona says.
Tomoko shrinks back against her locker. All her imaginary confidence gone. "What are you doing here?" She asks voice shaking.
Ramona hops off the lockers and shrugs.
"You dozed off and I got curious. Turn out theirs a good-sized subspace shortcut running through your head."
"Wait? I'm dreaming?" Tomoko's eyes widen. "AND YOU'RE IN MY HEAD?!"
"Yeah, sorry. It's something I can do." Ramona admits. "The guys are taking forever, and I got bored. "
Tomoko blushes in embarrassment.
"Are you going to tell the others?" She mummers quietly.
"About what? Everybody dreams about dumb stuff, it's not like you're the first person I've peeked inside."
Tomoko curls up on the floor and looks away. "I bet no one else around here dreams about being popular. You're all so cool, you're all probably this popular at home in real life."
She hides her face in her lap.
"What was I thinking? I'm an idiot for even coming here on this show."
"You may not be here for long, knowing our team." Ramona says truthfully. "Especially if you keep not talking to anyone."
"It's not as easy to talk to people as it looks." Tomoko whispers.
Ramona looks of at the distance for a moment. "Talking's not always the hard part."
"What?"
"Nothing!" Ramona insists. "Talking's easy when you get the hang of it. Here…"
She sits down next to Tomoko.
"We'll practice together."
"You'd do that?" Tomoko asks.
"Yeah. Why not?" Ramona says. "Not like we any have anything better to do."
"Wow, popularity lessons!" Tomoko says.
"Okay, pretend I'm Winry, she's nice and approachable. Let's say I've just complimented your hair, what you say to me?" Ramona asks.
Tomoko seizes up in panic.
"Uh, um… erm. "
"Everything alright?" Ramona says.
Tomoko stammer for a minute then blurts out something perverse.
Ramona snorts, and suppresses a laugh.
"That was bad, wasn't it?" Tomoko whimpers.
"It was memorable, I'll give it that much." Ramona smirks.
Tomoko hangs her head in embarrassment. "I told you I was terrible at this."
"Nah you're fine. We just need to work on your delivery a bit." Ramona says. "Let's try it again."
Cut back to the Flower Girls.
It's clear by now how right Tigress was for wanting to take the shortcut through the swamp, without it their team's spent the whole day snaking along the shallows, searching for dry land and sticking to it when they can. But nightfall their still several kilometers from the coast so after a day of walking, sweating, and dodging giant insects, they finally decide to call it a night.
"This looks like a good place to make camp." Tigress states as they come into a clearing.
"Man, I don't know. Is to gonna be safe from those bugs?" Markus asks.
"No, but unfortunately this terrain doesn't lend itself well to defenses." Athena says. "I'm afraid it doesn't matter where we pick, we'll still be at the mercy of the forest."
"I don't need a fort, at this point I'll settle for dry." Says Markus tiredly.
He flops down face first onto a soft patch of moss.
"Well how is it? Dry?" Susie asks.
Beat.
"Naaaaah." Markus says sounding disappointed.
"It's the best we've got, now get some rest, we'll need it the morning." Tigress tells them. "Except you princess." She points at Peach who looks nervously at her.
"Me? What for?" Peach asks.
"The two of us are taking first shift to stand guard." Tigress says.
Peach looks relived. "Oh. Okay, sure. Whatever you wish."
"What I wish is for you to start collecting kindling." Tigress says.
"Right, yes. Right away."
She zips off.
Cut to sometime later.
Tigress has managed to make something of a firepit. She hears Peach coming back
"How that?" The Princess says dumping a pile of twigs in front of her. Tigress shakes her head.
"We need at least four times that."
"I'm sorry." Peach says.
"It doesn't matter, I suppose we can get by."
"No, It's not that. I'm sorry for earlier."
"That doesn't matter either, from what I understand you royals aren't normally the adventurous type." Tigress says.
"Oh no, you've got it backwards." Peach tells her. "I love adventuring. But lately I've just been trying to get my head straight. And well…" She smiles guiltily. "I would prefer not to ruin my favorite dress."
Tigress smiles.
"It sounds like some of old memories are coming back."
"I believe so, you gotta- I mean. Wait." Peach clears her throat.
"Ah that's better."
Her voice has changed again. It's risen in pitch but still isn't nearly as high or shrill as it had been yesterday. Her accent has also changed slightly and somethings different in her eyes again. The new Princess Peach smiles regally then curtseys to Tigress
"As I believe I was saying a moment ago. You must forgive me for my behavior these past days. I don't believe I've been as ladylike as a princess should be. But now that I'm coming out of this terrible spell I was under; I fully intend to make it up to all of you."
"I'm glad to hear you've found a positive perspective on this." Tigress says sincerely. "Now let's start our preparing dinner."
She leans down and starts scraping a pair of rocks together.
Jump cut to the coast.
Jeffrey Sawicki and Peter Quill sit on a fallen scale woods tree near where the swamp dissolves into the sea. A bag of scuba equipment next to them. Glen Campbells' 1977 single Southern Nights playing softly from Peter's Walkman.
"I can't believe old man Conner's got is stuck out here night waiting for the contestants." Peter complains.
"Yes, I believe that is the thirty eighth time you've voiced that opinion." Jeffrey says disinterestedly.
A giant dragonfly buzzes pass Peters ear, he flinched terribly.
"Gah! That's it! I've had it up to here with these stupid bugs."
He wipes out a blaster and aims it, ready to fire at the next insect to fly by.
"As Cumbersome as these Meganeura can be I don't exactly think it be wise to start firing at them." Jeffrey warns him. Monotone as ever.
"Well I'm not exactly scared of pissing them off HAL 9000." Peter says.
"The aggressiveness of the local fauna is not the issue at hand here." Jeffrey insists.
Cut back the Flower girls.
Tigress gets a couple good scrapes in with her rocks.
"Come on…" She mutters.
"Would you like a hand?" Peach asks.
"I'll get it. Everything's just a damp is all."
Back to Staff.
"Buddy unless you're missing toilet paper, I'd say the bugs are only thing to freak out about around here." Peter says.
"It may be less of an active threat, but oxygen levels during this period are around 35% percent of the composition of the atmosphere." Jeffrey says. "That's the highest level in Earth's history."
"So?" Asks Peter, not following.
"I presume that blaster fires ionized plasma particles or something of similar behavior?" Jeffrey responds.
"Yeah, something like that. Don't know, didn't built it." Peter says. "Why you so obsessed with this? Just let me shoot bugs, already."
Back to Flower Girls.
Janna looks over to Tigress and Peach. "You ladies need help over there?"
"Almost…" Growls Tigress.
Back to Staff
"Fuel, Heat and Oxygen are the three elements of the often-referenced fire triangle. Layman's term for the components essential for producing fire. This time period with is excess plant matter and high oxygen levels is in essence a giant tinder box." Jeffrey explains.
"So, what? Everything's super flammable." Peter asks.
"All that's needed is an ignition point." Jeffrey says.
Back to Flower Girls.
"There we are."
A spark finally takes hold in there firepit, giving the girls and Markus their campfire.
Back to Staff.
Peter looks at Jeffrey. "Conner told the contestants about that right?"
"Most likely no."
Back to Flower Girls.
"About time." Janna says eyeing their fire appreciatively. "Now let's find something we can cook on that thing"
"Oh but I thought we were going to bed." Fluttershy says with a yawn.
"Nah, I'd much rather try the local cuisine dude." Janna says.
"Your fire's getting rather large." Athena observes.
"Good." Janna says. "Have you seen the size of the bugs around here?"
The fire quickly consumes the feeble logs Peach was able to gather.
"What about now?" Athena asks.
"Man sized millipede. Just to remind everyone what's on the menu." Janna says.
Burning embers bellow downwind as the great flames begin to lick the low-lying canopy above them.
"Okay, that's enough." Tigress says, taking a step back. "Lapis!"
"Got it."
Lapis raises a hand. At once a pool of swamp water raises with it, she throws her hand forward, and the water follows dozes their fire, and several of their teammates. Janna looks at the smoldering embers disappointedly.
"Aw."
"Um, I'd hate to be a bother again." Peach says. "But…"
She points downwind, the stray flames have lit up a tree fern and are quickly spreading to the neighboring scale woods.
"Okay, Now I agree that's a problem." Janna concedes.
"Took you long enough." Lapis says.
"A bit less bickering and more helping if you both could." Athena snaps.
The Flower girls get to their feet and start looking for ways to fight the rapidly spreading flames.
Cut to Short N Spunky
Some hours later night as come and gone, the first rays of a new day's sunlight creep over the ancient horizon, The Flying group of Short N Spunky flying eastward towards it.
"Yo! Ocean dead ahead! This is the place." Amethyst yells, over the wind.
"Let's just hope we're not too late." Bentley says.
"We would have made better time if you people hadn't been going the wrong way for so long." Yao grumbles.
"How was I supposed to know the map was upside down?" Tails asks. "I'm not from around here."
"Yeah, yeah. Save it buddy, if we lose again, you're the home going home."
Tails squints at the map again. "Yes! This is the right place!" Tails cries. "You've got that magnet Bentley?"
"All accounted for."
"Okay everyone, get ready to hold your breath!"
He and Amethyst do a near vertical nosedive, plugging the four of them straight into the Paleo-Tethys. About a kilometer offshore from where Jeffrey, and Peter have been waiting for them.
The two staff members are largely unaware of this development, Peter is lying down with is headphones on, listening to as always the mixtape of 70s hits his late mother made for him. All the while Jeffrey has gone on lecturing him, the conversation long having mutated from atmospheric conditions to a more favored topic of his.
"…Now Ristorante La Loggetta of course being in the heart of Cortona, specializes in the local Tuscan cuisine which I typically find goes under appreciated by your standard American's palette." Jeffrey goes on.
"Mm hm." Peter says.
"We're so accustomed to the bland, processed, and the chemically altered, that people don't get the truth value of something like their ribollita, sourced from local ingredients and soaked in the ancient culture of Tuscany reaching as far back as the Etruscans."
"You know I'm not listening to any of this right?" Peter says bluntly.
"You've let me speak for four hours and forty-nine minutes without interrupting me." Jeffrey says. "So far, you're proving to be a vast improvement over Conner."
"Well, if me not having to do anything keeps you happy by all means." Peter says.
"That's right Quill. Overachieving's for idiots. Something people only do when their scared of their own mortality."
Rick Sanchez has just arrived, the rest of the Fact Hunter's naturally right behind him.
"Oh hey Fact Hunters, about time you showed up." Peter says looking behind him
"Tell me about it." Rick gestures to Indy. "This piece of **** was insistent on listing off facts about every plant and bug we walked by." He turns to Doofenshmirtz. "…and This idiot suggested we get here faster by building a machine to devolves ourselves into bugs."
"I know it wasn't the popular plan, But I still stand by it." Doof says indignantly.
"Yeah sure, people like you make be ashamed to wear a lab coat." Rick says. "Now can we have our first place already?"
Peter chuckles. "Trust me, in a minute you'll wish it was that easy." He points out to sea. "The statues are about a mile out to sea. Surrounded by every kind of terrible prehistoric sharks you can imagine."
He hops off his log and walks over to a supply crate he and Jeffrey have been watching over this whole time.
"…Which is why we'll be helping ya'll out a little. Jeffrey! Do your favorite listener a favour and help the kind people with their gear."
Jeffrey starts handing things to Rick.
"These are your scuba tanks, your wetsuits…"
"…And Here's your reward for coming so far!"
The silver Chris statue lands in Rick's outstretched hands. Everyone looks up to see Yao hoovering over them on Amethysts back. Bentley behind him, Magnet in one hand, Golden Chris statue in the other.
"WHAT!?" Rick yells.
Conner beams down next to him.
"Oh my god, Yes! YES! That's making me proud boys! Yeah! Team Short N Spunky win the gold!"
"Would have won one earlier if it hadn't been for a bunch of cheaters." Yao says glaring at the Fact Hunters.
"Um, yeah, speaking of cheating, what do you call that?" Beatrice says.
She gestures to Amethyst and Tails.
"Can't help it dude. This is something that's a part of me." Amethyst says coolly. "Unlike Grandpa and his portal gun."
Conner laughs, the Fact Hunters glare at him.
"I'm sorry, but she's right thought, you've got to admit." He says.
"You're not letting them do this, again right?" Dipper says. "Like, that's obviously an illegal move."
Conner thinks for a moment. "I'd recommend going easy on it, but push comes to shove, let them have it."
"Seriously?" Dipper says.
"Yeah… that's not ********." Rick grumbles.
"I trudged through a swamp in this dress all night for nothing!?" Beatrice complains.
"Hey now. Don't sell yourselves short, you still won immunity." Conner says sympathetically. "Team Short N Spunky your reward for winning this challenge is a little souvenir, to remember your time here in this time peroid. Your very own pet Arthropleura!"
Chewbacca beams down next to Conner, one of the giant millipedes restrained in his arms. He growls uncomfortably.
Short N Spunky look at the creature blankly.
"Um… I think we'll pass." Tails says.
"Well then suit yourself. Fact Hunters you take care of the bug. That's your punishment for coming in second place."
"Gee, thanks. This day just keeps getting better and better." Beatrice says darkly.
"I know, I just make everything better, don't I?" Says Conner.
Beatrice rolls her eyes.
"Well everyone, kudos to you guys for not finishing last, it's a real accomplishment, especially of course for Short N Spunky." Conner says. "Now let's see what happened to those that weren't so lucky, by which I of course mean the Flower Girls."
"You think they're alright?" Dipper asks. "Normally those ladies have been pretty on top of things."
Conner chuckles. "I'm sure their fine."
Cut to the flower girls.
Conner beams in.
"Oh my god!"
Everything in sight that's not submerged in the swamp is on fire. Transformed into a ragging inferno of smoke and flame. Lapis, Athena, Tigress and Fluttershy are fighting against it desperately. The others balancing on a log, looking scared.
"Yeah, things haven't been great around here." Janna calls over the roaring flames.
"Dear lord, this is so much worse than anything I could imagine!" Conner coughs. The smoke getting his lungs. "Alright, Jeremy! Bring us up!"
The flaming hellscape that they created disappears leaving them back in the transporter room, up against its white sterile walls they look terrible, soaking wet with charred faces, heat flushed checks and red, watery, smoke filled eyes.
"God, ladies. Seems like you guys we're having a hell of a time." Conner says. "Didn't anyone warn you about starting fires?"
Lapis gives him a annoyed look. "No. Why was that more necessary information you forgot to tell us?"
Conner stammers and looks guiltily again.
"That might have been the case." He says sheepishly. "Not that it much now because, uh, right, yeah, reason I came in to check you guys was the other teams might have beaten you to the goal while you were all trying your best not to die."
"We lost?" Janna says flatly.
"Yeah. Really sorry about that ladies and Markus." Conner says. "We in all fairness should have warned you about the high oxygen content in air. I'd love to make it up to you by giving you guys a pass on elimination, but we got to keep this show moving along soooo…... yeah. I'll meet you down the hall."
He walks off.
"…What did he mean by elimination?" Peach asks after a minute.
"We've finished last in the day's event and now we democratic elect one of our own out of the game." Athena says stiffly.
Peach looks shocked. "We have to get rid of someone? But don't want to do that to any of you. I've just meet you all."
"That's fine. Maybe we'll just vote off the person that made us skip that short cut." Lapis says angrily. "Or the one who helped started the fire, and then didn't help put it out."
She bears down on Peach, Tigress get between the two, growling harshly
"Abandoning the shortcut was my idea, As was the fire. Think about that before you vote tonight."
"Well yeah." Lapis starts. "But what about…"
Tigress suddenly snarls at her and Lapis goes quiet. Tigress brushes past her and starts walking down the hall towards the elimination room.
Peach calls after her. "Wait!"
She runs up to Tigress.
"That was very selfless. What made you do it?" She says quietly.
Tigress looks at her seriously. "I'll be blunt. You didn't inspire a lot of confidence from the team today. Your performance was amateur and unhelpful and You've a lot to learn. But if what you say is true then it wasn't your fault. You we're at a disadvantage today. It showed; I just gave you a second chase, even it means my eviction." Tigress says.
Peach still seems confused. "But why?"
Tigress looks off. "Because I judged someone like you too quickly once. Even to the extend that I disobeyed my master over it." She turns back to Peach. "This is my way of repaying that debt."
"That was very kind of you, thank you." Peach says gratefully. "I've very relived I have someone so noble on my team."
"Don't be." Tigress says. "Nothings certain yet, our fates are in the hands of our comrades now."
Cut to the Elimination room.
The Flower Girls sit in a part of the ship they've never seen before. It's a semi-circular room one floor beneath the crew quarters. Two dozen or so red plush seats are arranged to face a central position that Conner's currently occupying. The team sitting on the plush seats watching him intently
"Well, ladies and Markus." Conner begins. "You've made up your minds and befitting our prehistoric setting have savagely turned on one of your own. Just who that unlucky somebody is? Why I'll tell you in a moment. First, let's go over who it isn't because it's not…
Markus…
Athena…
Susie….
Janna…
Lapis…
Yae…
Or Fluttershy…"
Just as they expected, it's down to Peach and Tigress. They both wait, with grim anticipation.
"Peach!" Conner shouts.
Peach gasps.
" … Congratulations sweetheart, you're not going home tonight."
All eyes turn to Tigress who gets up looks to her former teammates and bows.
"It's been an honor serving with you. May you achieve victory in my wake."
Conner presses a button the Cushion Tigress was siting on disappears down a chute.
Beat.
"Tigress, do you mind…" Conner asks.
Tigress smiles and leaps down the chute, disappearing from sight and the game.
The remaining Flower girls get up and solemnly disperse. Leaving Conner alone.
"And there you have it folks. Bit of a mix up tonight. Could this be the end of Short N Spunky's losing streak? Will the Fact Hunters be next to lose one of there own? Why am I asking you when you've no way of knowing? You know? Find out next time, on another exciting episode of Total. Drama. Endless."