Total Drama Endless, Episode Five
...
It's another morning on the bridge, still a half hour or so before the contestants are due to wake up.
Peter Quill, walks up the stairs from the crew quarters, looking groggy.
"Morning Peter!" Conner says cheerfully.
Peter grunts a response back at him.
Conner nods "Nice to see you've got no problem rising at the crack of dawn. Very professional."
"I don't see why we have to get up early." Peter croaks grumpily. We set the clocks around here, couldn't we start the day whenever we want?"
Conner snickers, Peter gives him a look.
"I'm sorry, that wasn't directed at you, I just feel that on a personal level." Conner chuckles. "But unfortunately, we have to stay on Los Angeles time for broadcasting reasons. Also, Jeremy drank the last of the coffee."
"Dude!?" Peter yelps.
Jeremy gurgles apologetically.
"I know. He's sorry." Conner says. "He's got a dependency. If you really need something Jeffrey's hiding an expresso machine in his room. He may or may not allow humans to use it."
"Everyone's welcome to my machine-"
"Provided they can answer ten questions on Italy correctly." Conner laughs.
"Would that be bad thing?" Jeffrey demands. "Maybe if I did some of us around here would learn to appreciate the finer things in life."
Peter cuts him off. "You know as great as all that sounds, I think I'll just steal some coffee from the contestants instead."
"Go ahead, I don't blame you." Conner says.
Peter walks out of the bridge, down a staircase, through the main hallway and into the shared foyer of the contestant's quarters.
"What the...?"
For whatever reason the Fact Hunters are sleeping on the floor and couches of the foyer. Strange noises hum quietly from their barrack.
"What are you people doing out here for?" Peter asks.
"Rick and Doof kicked us out." Dipper grunts from the bed of cushions he's made on the floor.
"Said they had a secret project." Beatrice yawns.
"Secret project?" Peter asks confused.
"Yes, it is a little strange, isn't it?"
Peter jumps, Princess Peach is standing next to him.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." She says innocently.
"Startled me? Princess I'm a famous space outlaw. You can't scare me that easily." Peter says unconvincingly trying to brush it off. He takes a deep breathe and tries to collect himself. Peach giggles.
"What about you?" He says changing the topic. "No offense your majesty, I'm a long-time fan and everything but you've kinda been all over the place lately."
"That's putting it lightly." Beatrice grumbles sleepily.
"You seem better now. You finally manage to get your **** together or what?"
"Yes, it's been a trying few days." Peach admits. "But I think I've got my head straighten out again."
"Good for you. Ever figure out what was causing those character inconsistencies?" Peter asks.
The Princess seems to think it over for a moment. "Hmm. I can't say for sure, maybe someone had cast a spell on me."
"Yeah, I take it that's average everyday occupational hazard in the Mushroom Kingdom?" Peter says.
"It's not out of the question." Peach concedes. "Come to think of it I think Bowser may have even tried it once."
Peter nods. "That turtle does have it out for you."
"Fortunately, everything seems to be straightened out now." Peach declares happily.
Peter scratches his neck. "So, uh. Since you don't remember signing up do you want us to send you home or..."
Peach smiles at him pleasantly. "Thank you, but I think I will stay. You all seem like very nice people and now that the initial shocks worn off, going on an adventure in space and seeing a whole bunch of new places sounds exciting doesn't it?"
"Yeah everyone's real friendly." Peter says. "Now any chance you know where you guys keep your coffee?"
Peach points to a shared breakfast nook, Peter's face lights up.
"Like I said, super friendly! Totally friendly! Coffee sharingly friendly!"
He goes on as he walks off. A couple moments later the door to the Fact Hunters room burst open and a deluge of mist pours out of the doorway. Rick Sanchez emerges from the fog.
"I did it! I ****** did it!"
"Great, can we finally sleep in our own beds now?" Beatrice quips.
"Later." Rick says. "Everyone get in here quick I'll explain inside."
Slowly and groggily. The Fact Hunters shuffle onto there feet and march back into their barrack. Rick and Doofenshmirtz are standing there waiting for them, surround by strange and complex scientific equipment.
"The hell have you two done to the room?" Indiana asks indignantly.
"We'll worry about that later." Rick tells him. "Remember when I said the only thing giving the other teams a chance is that they've got those freaky gem-powered super women?"
"Vaguely." Roy says.
"Good, Because I've created a way for one of us to become one of them." Rick says.
He pulls out a syringe filled with a strange crystallize substance.
"Wait, what?" Beatrice says.
"It wasn't easy." Rick admits. "We're talking real cutting-edge science here, took that whole stash of gemstones and even some help from this guy."
He gestures to Doofenshmirtz who blushes.
"Oh, it was nothing, you know I'm always glad to lend hand to an aspiring evil scientist."
"Yeah, apparently this guy's some kind of idiot savant. I'm surprised too." Rick says.
"Well how about that Rick. Looks like you can't judge a book by it's cover can you?" Dipper asks smugly.
"Alright Dippy Fresh, don't overstep your boundary." Rick says. Dipper scowls.
"That's not saying much coming from someone that wants to physical transform his teammates into some kind of rock monster."
"Actually, I've only got enough formula for one person and that's sure hell not gonna be you." Rick says.
"What!? Why not?"
"You seriously think you could handle this kind of power?" Rick asks him.
"I don't know." Dipper stammers. "Did you think Doof could help make it?"
"Drop it kid. You're not getting an upgrade, much as you need one. We need someone competent, but not too competent so that if this destroys them it'll be a big loss." He thinks for a moment. "Beatrice!"
The girl backs away slowly. "Oh no you don't."
"Come on, you've got the right body type and everything." Rick says.
He takes a swipe with the needle at her, she bolts to the other side of the room, Rick corners her between one of the bed's and the wall.
"Listen, much as I don't want to lose, I've already had enough body transformation for one lifetime." Beatrice says eyeing his needle nervously.
"Even better, if your used to the process they we won't have to worry about fixing any psychological trauma." Rick says.
He goes in for another jab, she takes the opportunity to hop over the bed and get past him. Rick gets up only to find Indiana and Lenny standing between him and Beatrice.
"Much as I hate to interrupt this show and dance, I think I'd speak for everyone I saying we appreciate the experiments but it'd be preferable if you could act more like Doctor Willy and less like Professor Hojo." Lenny says.
"He's right… I think." Indy says. "The girl's said no, find someone else."
Rick looks at both of them for a moment. "Okay, right. Understood, Beatrice's off the hook."
Lenny smiles pleasantly. "Glad that you see things our way,"
"…Yeah. You're more expendable anyway Lenny."
"Come again?"
Rick jabs the syringe in Lenny's chest.
"AAAAAAAAAAGHH!"
Lenny gasps and falls to the floor. He starts to shake and convulse, eyes dilated and unfocused. He writhes faster and faster, growing more and more violent until... Lenny Suddenly reverts back to normal and picks himself off the ground.
"Well, I say." He says chipperly. "That was harrowing, any who, where were we?"
Beat.
Dipper blinks in disbelief. "That's it?"
"Nothing even happened." Beatrice says.
"Working on it." Rick says.
He grabs a device next to him and starts typing something in.
"Hey Doof, do your "inators" you speak so fondly off have a habit of not working? Because now'd be great time to know."
"No, no. It's funny actually, I've got an almost perfect tract record with the inators, you know they all work perfectly." Doctor Doofenshmirtz insists. "Unless of course Perry the Platypus has been tampering with them."
He winks and points at Perry, the monotreme chitters then does the same back to him.
"Well your science failed this time." Rick says bluntly.
Doof look away Awkwardly. "Yeaaah, well it might just take some time for it to work. Which, you know would be weird considering typically when I create an inator it works right away. And by right away I mean instantly. Seee… I'm a busy man Sanchez. Got… lot of scheming to do. …Like to get to the point if you know what I'm saying. … It's a lot like… Yeah, it's broken."
"Nicely done fellas. You wasted an entire mountain of precious gemstones." Indy says unimpressed.
"Right, because those gems we're so valuable just siting around." Rick says.
"More valuable than they are wasted. Because seriously." Roy says. "Even if that had worked it wouldn't have mattered since I'm-"
A sudden musical jingle from a holographic device on one of the walls draw everyone's attention.
"A very good morning to you contestants." Booms the voice of their host Conner O'Brien over the ship's intercom. "Once you're done rubbing the sleep from your eyes could I get you all to pop down to the bridge? Thanks. Captain Conner out! … Alright Jeremy which button do I press to turn this off agai-"
Doof gasps. "Sounds like it's show time!"
"Weird. Wonder why he's having us come to the bridge for it?" Dipper asks.
"Who cares." Says Beatrice. "Anything to keep those two from getting any more ideas." Beatrice says with a distrustful glance at Rick and Doofenshmirtz.
Cut to the Bridge.
Back at the waxy front of the ship, the crew are still seated at their control panels when the Fact Hunters arrive. Moments later in walk their two rival teams, the Flower Girls and Short N Spunky, now down three members. Peter enters behind them, cup of coffee in hand.
They find Conner there waiting for them, standing with one leg propped up on his captain's chair.
"Contestants… what a… lovely surprise." He says mysterious.
"What are you doing?" Winry asks.
"This is my captain's pose." Conner explains. "Welcome to the Bridge, where all the magic happens."
"Cool. Which button fires the torpedoes." Janna asks.
"You don't get to know." Conner says pulling her hand away from the control module.
"So you admit they exist…" Janna says coyly.
"It's not exactly unusual to think a starship has a functioning defense system." Wednesday says.
"Yeah, Janna get with the program." Conner says. "Anyway, I suppose you're wondering why I've gathered you all here today? Well I'll tell you. A couple minutes ago we we're out here in the multiverse or where ever, as we do, and we picked up a distress signal from a derelict ship."
Behind him out the front windshield of the starship they can see a large grey, industrial looking spaceship floating serenely in the black void of space.
"See it out there." He says. "All majestic and what not. There's probably a lot of cool stuff in there. I want you guys to go check it out."
Beat.
"Why can't you do that?" Yao asks.
"I didn't say I couldn't do it, I said I wanted you to do it." Conner tells him. "Go check it out."
There's a long pause while Conner and the contestants stare at each other, Conner's upper lip twitching as if he's trying to hold back a smile.
"This is the challenge isn't it?" Rick asks.
"It's not the challenge." Conner says.
Athena looks over to Rick. "I thought that was obvious it was the challenge? Was it not?"
"Undoubtedly yes."
"It's not obvious because it's not the challenge." Conner says.
"Why we doing this then?" Amethyst demands.
Conner's lip twitches dangerously. "Because it's important to me that you do, and I'd appreciate it if took this seriously."
"You just smiled was saying that!" Doof cries.
"No I didn't." Conner smirks.
Beatrice gives Peter a sideways glance.
"Is this the challenge?" She asks.
"Probably." He tells her.
"Alright guys, Come on." Conner pleads, giving up on trying to be serious. "Be reasonable here. I slave over a hot show two, maybe three hours a day just so people can give me a hard time when I ask one little favor in return? Rude. I mean really who doesn't love poking around someplace finding a bunch of neat stuff to steal. Hell Indy, you do that for a living."
"Technically I'm a college professor." Indy says coolly.
"Yeah, and I'm technically a television writer." Conner retorts.
Peter walks and stares out the windshield at the mystery ship. "What's this hunk of junk's name?"
"Good Question, Jeffrey." Conner says.
"USCSS Nostromo." Jeffrey says automatically.
Peter spits out his drink.
"Dude!? Are you insane?" He yells.
"I prefer eccentric." Conner says. "What's you're point?"
"That's the ship's got the Alien on it!" Peter shouts.
"Yeah. It probably does Quill." Conner says unfazed. "I think you'll find a lot of ships out in space have aliens on them."
"Not an alien dude; The Alien." Peter says.
Conner gives him an Incredulous look. "The Alien? The? With a capital T H E? Okay, Quill, now listen, I know you've been in space since the late eighties but it's not okay to talk like that now a days. It's racist."
"No!" Peter says. "It's you know…"
He mimes something attacking his face then puts to hands to his chest then spreads his arm out, making terrible pained expressions.
"What is this you're doing here?" Conner asks. "Is this the hot new dance all the cool outlaws in Andromeda are doing?"
Peter stops mining and glares at him.
"Don't play dumb, you know what you're doing."
"I'm glad you think so."
Conner laughs and he places a hand on Peter's shoulder.
" Well? What are we waiting for?" He asks. "Get to the airlock we'll be docking shortly."
The contestants file out of the bridge. Conner looks over at Peter who's still glaring at him.
"What?"
"Seriously. I know I'm a hypocrite for saying this, but you are really, really irresponsible." Peter says with a disapproving look.
"Ah they'll be fine I've got everything under control." Conner assures him. "Not come on let's go."
"Go? Go where?" Peter asks.
"To the staff council room." Conner says. "Someone's in need of a little diversity training."
Cut to the Nostromo.
The ships airlock slides open and the contestants board the Nostromo. It's immediately apparent this is a completely different type of spacecraft then the one they just left. Where the hallways of Conner's strange ship were carpeted and warmly lit these passageways are dim, industrial and mysterious.
"God, what a place." Indy says.
"I know look all this technology." Winry says.
She brushes a hand over the exposed metal pipes and wires affectionately.
"I bet you we could build something amazing if we brought some of these parts back. Come on let's go see what else in here!"
She runs ahead down the corridor, her team fallows.
"Like heck if those guys think they're gonna loot all the cool stuff for themselves." Janna says. "Ladies! Markus! Let's go."
"Tight." Markus says.
Him and the Flower Girl's run off after Team Short N Spunky leaving the Fact Hunters to their lonesome.
"I'm not sure if I'm as enthusiastic about this place as the ladies." Indy says.
"Yeah, well much as hate to say it professor but their right about this place being ripe for looting." Rick says with a swing from his flask. "Especially if theirs an actual Xenomorph on it."
"How would that be a good thing?" Roy asks.
"You have any idea what a Facehugger goes for on the black market?" Rick says. "'Cause it's a lot."
"I don't care how much their worth I've got history poking around places like this." Indy comments.
"Really? You explore a lot of spaceships as an archeologist?" asks Dipper.
"Ok. Maybe not exactly like this." Indy admits. "but the point is kid, it never ends well."
Beatrice looks around uncertainly. "Maybe he's right. I can help but have a feeling this place has a bad history."
"Yes, who could forget the harrowing plight of the Nostromo's crew?" Lenny asks. "One of many horrors this ship as witnessed, another being made into a multiplayer map in the critically panned 2013 Gearbox video game, Aliens: Colonial Mar-"
Lenny suddenly lurches backwards and falls against one of the walls, overtaken by erratic body spasms. After a moment the episode passes and he recomposes himself, smiling.
"Well. That was certainly unexpected wasn't it?"
Rick grabs Lenny's arm and inspects it, his eyes narrow.
"Interesting. You thinking what I'm thinking Doof?"
"Yeah, how did Klimpaloon end up in the Himalayas if he's an old timey bathing suit?"
Beat.
"Wait? Were you talking about The Gem Formula starting to work on Lenny? Because yeah, that's definitely good."
Rick gives him an exasperated look.
"What?" Doofenshmirtz asks.
Cut to team Short N Spunky.
"Isn't all this stuff amazing Tomoko?" Winry asks cheerfully.
Tomoko whimpers nervously. Winry's been dragging the girl up and down the ship, admiring all it's advanced machinery, the other four members of their team lagging a fair way behind them.
"Those two sure seem to like junk." Amethyst says.
"Admittedly this is all pretty impressive "Junk"" Says Bentley.
"Yeah real impressive." Yao says sarcastically.
He cast a glance at the two girls then lowers his voice.
"Which one of those two are we getting rid of next?"
"Definitely ponytail." Amethyst says. "She's the bigger threat and we already got two other people that are kind of mechanics, we don't need a third one."
Yao smirks. "Works for me."
Tails sighs. "I don't know guys; I still feel weird about this secret alliance. It's like we're betraying are own team."
"Take it from me Tails, honesty's a nice gesture, but it'll only get so you so far." Bentley says. "Besides this is all only a game."
"What the Turtle said. If this was real war, we be executed for this." Yao says. "But here..." He waves his hand. "Who cares? Doesn't matter."
"Plus, the only time we've won so far us four we're the did all the work." Amethyst says. "Not these two or spunky blue haired dream invader girl, whatever her name is."
Bentley shivers. "I am glad she's gone. It's nice not having to worry about her reading my mind."
"I though Tomoko said she could only invade our dreams?" Tails asks.
"That's just what she was willing to admit Tails." Bentley says. "Always take into account the worst possible scenario."
"Point is, we do what we do to survive." Yao says.
"Got that right." Says Amethyst.
She and Yao high five.
"We've already got one down, now all we got to do is wait until we lose again, and it'll just be us Shorties." She says.
"Um. Guys? The other two are gone." Tails says.
"Yeah. It's like they're already gone." Yao chuckles.
"No! I mean their gone."
He points in front of them. Winry and Tomoko are in fact, gone.
"Huh. Where'd they go?" Amethyst asks.
A monstrous form swoops down from the ceiling in front of them
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Cut to the medical bay.
Compared the rest of the ship the Nostromo's hospital wing is at least brightly lit. In fact, back when the ship was occupied it seeming was the most advanced part of the vessel.
Lenny is strapped to gurney hooked up to some sort of scanning device. The rest of his crew stand behind a glass wall in an observation room.
"Ready for testing Lenny?" Rick says.
"As ready as man could be Rick." Lenny tells him.
Rick presses a couple buttons on a computer module, the medial device begins to scan Lenny. A Printer begins spitting out a data readout, Rick grabs it.
"Well looks like Doctor D, didn't dick my formula over after all."
"Oh good, so it's working?" Doof asks.
"Lenny's molecular structure has started reorganizing into a crystal lattice. Assuming a rate of acceleration that follows Zipf's distribution, we can expect full body lithification by the end of the day." Rick says.
Beatrice whistles. "Wow, All that from this machine huh?"
"How'd you know they had something like this here anyway?" Dipper asks
"I've seen the movie Dippy Fresh." Rick says. "One of many perks of not being a preteen."
"Okay, first of all, I'm thirteen so not a preteen." Dipper says indignantly. "Secondly, you think I haven't seen a monster movie? Rick you may not know it, but back home I dealt with real life threating monster all the time. The movie versions are-"
Rick cuts him off. "Yeah, That's great kid. Tell you what? If you're so brave run then back to our room and grab the device on my bed."
"I thought were supposed to stay on this ship?"
"If you're to scared to do it, you can bring the platypus."
Dipper glares at him. "Oh you think I can't do it? I'll be back in ten minutes!"
He storms out of the room angrily.
Beat.
Dipper storms back in.
"And maybe I will take the Platypus! Come on Perry."
He storms back out. Perry looks at the other awkwardly, then tips his fedora to them and hurries out after Dipper
"Finally. He's gone." Wednesday says.
"Good ****** riddance, am I right?" Rick asks as removes his flask from his pocket and takes another swig. "Anyway, back to turning Lenny into a rock monster."
"Uh huh." Roy says. "Say speaking of which fella's I meant to bring it up earlier but.."
There's a great noise directly above them.
Beat.
"Uh, what was that?" Beatrice asks.
Cut to Dipper and Perry.
Dipper grumbles to himself. "Rick. What does he know? I can take care of myself right Perry. Whoa!"
Perry sticks his hand out, Dipper's almost just walked into a puddle of water with a sparking wire floating in it.
"Uh… Thanks." He says awkwardly.
Perry chitters.
"You know what?" Dipper asks the platypus. "Why am I letting him push me around? I had enough of that this summer at the Mystery Shack. Come on Perry we're going back."
He storms into the observation room a second time. It's suddenly dark and desolate, not that he seems to notice.
"Rick! You and I are going to talk about respect, right here, right now, In front of the whole team!" He blinks and finally registers his surroundings. "Wait? What?"
"Dipper?"
Dipper looks around. "Lenny?"
He looks through the glass. Lenny's still strapped to his gurney, smiling calmly.
"Hello you."
"I was gone five minutes." Dipper says. "Where'd everyone else go?"
Lenny grimaces politely "Ah, bit of bad luck there. You see they all fled after the Xenomorph attacked."
"What!?" Shouts Dipper.
There's a faint growling sound. Perry tugs at his sleeve and points. Dipper looks up. Hanging from the ceiling was a great black, vaguely reptilian creature. Almost humanoid, two metres tall and with an eyeless elongated head.
Dipper screams in horror.
Cut to another part of the ship.
The Flower Girl's stand in a small room of the bridge of the Nostromo. Janna's siting in a chair messing with the ship's anachronistic main computer.
"Ay Yo Janna?"
"Word it to me Markus."
"Uh you good to head out yet brah?" Markus asks. "'Cause me and the rest of the homies want to see more of this place."
"Another minute dude, I want to see if this what secrets this thing's hiding before we scrap it for parts."
In the distant they hear screaming.
"What was that?" Susie asks.
"Probably nothing." Janna says.
Another scream.
"That doesn't sound like nothing." Fluttershy says nervously.
Lapis looks around grimly. "Sounds like somethings in here hunting down the others. It'll probably be after us next."
Fluttershy and Susie look horrified, Janna however jumps out of her chair enthusiastically.
"Well heck, we dealt with a whole bunch of monsters yesterday, come on ladies, Markus, let's go check this sucker out."
They've only just left the bridge and re-entered the hallways, they hear another scream.
"Oh, my goodness, whatever is it sounds like it's getting closer." Fluttershy squeaks.
Dipper and Perry round a corner, Dipper screaming hysterically. He runs into Markus's leg.
"Whoa, ****. ***** watch the calves. I bike with those." Markus says.
"THERE'S A MONSTER IN HERE." Dipper screams.
"Yes, we had just come to that conclusion." Athena says calmly.
"It got my whole team! Me and Perry barely escaped with our lives."
"Don't worry dude my ladies got this." Janna says confidently. She pats Yae and Athena on their biceps.
Dipper gives her a wild look. "You don't understand we have to get out of here, while there's still time."
"With all due respect child." Says Athena. "Your looking at a group that conquered the Triple Demons of Compromise yesterday."
"Those ******* were tight." Markus says. "One was short and fat, one tall and thin."
"And the last, one looked exactly like the other two." Peach adds.
"Yo, that ****'* was wild dawg." Markus says.
"Besides, the monsters probably busy with the other team." Janna says.
Tails, Yao and Amethyst come running around another corner, screaming in terror.
"Or not." Janna says.
Lapis looks annoyed. "Amethyst, why is your team so terrible at everything?"
"We got bigger problems right now!" Amethyst says panting.
They hear the Xenomorph shriek in the distance. Dipper, Yao, Tails, Fluttershy and Susie scream.
"We're all gonna die!" Yao cries.
"Settle down. We'll be fine. So long as we're all calm and reasonable." Athena insists
The lights go out for a second, when they return Peach has vanished.
Fluttershy who was standing next to her shrieks in terror and leaps into Yae's Arms.
"Can we panic now?" Yao asks.
"Be cool dude, we're good so long as we got these three." Janna says.
She gestures to Lapis, Athena and Yae. The lights go out again, when they come back on all three women have vanished and the Xenomorph is standing where they were.
Janna gulps. "Okay now we can panic!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The contestants scream, then spirit off in different directions, the Xenomorph chasing as many of them as it can.
Susie and Fluttershy loop back into the bridge, only to find themselves immediately cornered by the creature.
Markus slides down a ladder a little to recklessly and twists his ankle at the base of it. The Alien climbs down after him.
"Yo **** *****! Come on! You saved the last black guy on this ship for last. Be cool my ******! Be Cool! Be Cool! No! AAAAAAAAAAA."
Tails whizzes through the hallways, hyperventilating. He spots the airlock down a passageway.
"Yes!"
He zooms up to it, only to discover the path back to their ship is sealed.
"Oh no!"
He fumbles with the locked door then starts banging on a small window in the door frantically.
"Somebody help!" He says.
Cut to the other side of the Airlock.
Conner's leaning on the other side of the door talking with Jeffrey and spraying whipped cream in his cup of coffee.
"I'm serious Jeffrey, I'm weaning you off this espresso fascism of yours. In fact, according to our new cultural awareness rules, your whole pretending to be Italian stick is offensive. Both to real Italians and to me, personally."
"By definition I believe having an interest in cultures other than your own is the opposite of racism." Jeffrey says.
"Not the way you do it." Conner tells him.
Cut to the Nostromo.
Tails looks behind him, the Xenomorph is standing at the end of the hall, barely visible in the dim lighting.
"AAAH! CONNER! SOMEBODY! ANYONE! HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" He shrieks.
Cut to Conner.
"I've never been a fan of how American's prepare their coffee." Jeffrey says.
Conner adds chocolate syrup and sprinkles to their coffee. "Well too bad you're one of them. So, drink up."
Cut to the Nostromo.
The Xenomorph charges at Tails.
"AHHH! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Cut to Conner.
"I assume you understand what's happening behind you." Jeffrey asks flatly.
Conner readjusts his poses so that his elbow's blocking the window. "What was that?"
He takes a deep swig of his coffee.
"You're a monstrous human being." Jeffrey says.
Conner lowers his mug, a heavy layer of cream on his upper lip. He smacks his lips audibly.
"And yet… I'm not nearly as bad as Mclean was."
Cut to the Nostromo.
Dipper tears through a dark passageway, Perry close behind him, they crash into to something that turns out to be Amethyst and Yao.
"Dang it! W-where was the airlock again!?" Dipper asks frantically.
"This way." Amethyst says.
She leads them around a corner only to come to a dead end.
"SERIOUSLY!" Dipper exasperatedly.
"I'm not the greatest with directions alright!?" Amethyst insists.
"Then why did I listen to you?" Dipper asks.
"Uh, guys?" Yao says.
They spin around. Sure, enough The Xenomorph is there behind them. They're cornered.
The three of them scream. Then suddenly their screams of terror are abruptly cut short out of nowhere. Even the Xenomorph seems visibly confused. It uncertainly points to itself.
The other four shake their heads and point behind it, The Xenomorph turns around.
Standing behind the monster is a heavyset figure, his skin now a deep sea green and Iridescent. His Eyes light gold and his hair now a shimmering turquoise. His T-shirt and shoes are gone, but theirs's still no mistaking him.
Lenny's become a gem.
"Hello you."
"AGH!" Yelps the Xenomorph and the creature falls backwards.
"Oh sweet Ulvi Mubarek! the Rocks are converting the others!"
"You can talk!" Amethyst asks incredulously.
"Course I can." Says the Xenomorph.
The creature gets up and unzips a zipper at the back of its neck. Yerdey Yisme slides out his costume.
"Salutations inferior lifeforms!"
"Yerdey!?" Dipper stammers. "Wait, but that means." He groans and slams his forehead in frustration. "Dang it! This was a challenge!"
"That's using the old noodle." Yerdey says cheerfully.
"How does any of that work? That's costumes twice the size of you!" Yao says.
"How'd you move around so quickly?" Adds Amethyst.
"And make everyone else disappear?" Says Dipper.
"And climb on the walls?" Yao asks.
Yerdey thinks for a moment. "Hmm let's see. Feverium, Feverium, Sanchez isn't the only one that can make a portal gun, and Feverium."
Amethyst looks confused. "Yo, what about-"
"Feverium." Yerdey says.
Yao growls. "WHAT EVEN IS-"
"Feverium."
"But how-" Dipper begins.
"Feverium."
"Bu-"
"Hey kid. Want to hear a little secret?" Yerdey asks. "The answer to all those questions you have for me? The answers Feverium."
"That's not even a real answer!" Dipper shouts.
Yerdey raise one of his tentacles definitively. "Feverium."
Dipper sighs angrily, Perry looks at Yerdey and chitters.
"Actually, the answer to that one's not Feverium." Yerdey says. "If you're wondering where everyone else is, they're back on the ship. Any who, so Fact Hunters win today's challenge. Big surprise."
"They do?" Amethyst asks.
"We do?" Dipper asks.
Conner's voice rings out seemingly over an intercom.
"That's right Dipper, you guys have one more survivor than Short N Spunky, so victory is yours."
"Wait, so we got second place then?" Amethyst asks.
"Yes, which five episodes in is I believe a first for you. Nicely done guys." Conner says, sounding impressed.
"Yeah!" Cheers Yao. He and Amethyst high five.
"Fact Hunters, as your well aware coming in first comes with certain benefits." Conner says. "Yerdey be a good squid and show them what they've won."
Yerdey hands a scroll of paper something to Dipper. "Congratulations."
Dipper unrolls the scroll and examines it. It's a map of a solar system. "Cheese Planet, Paws Planet, Planet Stuff, what kind of solar system is this?" He asks.
"Oh, you'll find out tomorrow Dipper." Conner says cryptically. "You'll all find out tomorrow."
He breaks into an evil laugh that gradually devolves into a coughing fit.
"Ugh, I'm old to be doing that. Alright seriously Jeremy, Jeffrey wasn't any help this morning, how to we turn off the intercom?" There's a pause. "Jeffrey said it was the other one-"
The intercom clicks off. And the contestants stare at each other awkwardly.
Cut to the Elimination room.
The Flower Girls sit in a part of the ship they've one been in once before. It's a semi-circular room one floor beneath the crew quarters. The flower girls Two dozen or so red plush seats are arranged around Conner who's smiling sympathetically.
"Ladies and Markus, with meet again. You know I must say much as a sympathise with your defeat like last time part of Me's happy Short N Spunky gets another break."
"That is nice isn't it?" Fluttershy asks.
"That's the spirit Flutters. Although let's be honest here, you lost today, only avoiding not losing out of luck yesterday and lost the day before that. Ladies plus Markus I wouldn't say you're in a losing streak, but you're uh, not doing great."
"Maybe we wouldn't have lost today if someone had actually told us what the challenge was." Lapis says sorely.
"Oh, that's right, I see how it is, blame the guy that's going to give one of you ten million dollars." Conner says. "Well I got news for you, you can't, and you know it, so let's see who you channeled that anger into instead. Ladies the following people are safe."
He clears his throat and begins to read their votes.
"Athena…
Peach…
Lapis…
Janna…
Markus…
Yae….
And now the contestant going home today is…"
It's down to Fluttershy and Susie, both girl's look nervous.
"…Susie."
"…I'm the lucky one that gets to stay?" Susie finishes hopefully.
Conner shakes his head. Susie sighs. Peach smiles sympathetically. "We're very sorry."
Susie looks conflicted for a moment before collecting herself.
"It's alright. Honestly, I don't know how much of this nonsense I could have put up anyway. I've already got enough of it at home!"
"Which is exactly where you're heading." Conner says. "GOODNIGHT!"
He presses a button, Susie and the cushion she was sitting are sucked down a chute and out of sight.
Cut to Conner in a different room.
"So ends another day. Let's review, shall we? Fact Hunters are still in the lead no surprise there, The Flower Girls may slowly be falling apart, which is surprising. And most importantly I learned the horrible truth that when it comes to racial relations, most of my crew's thirty years behind the times."
The camera pans out, Conner, Peter and Chewbacca are in group therapy. Chewbacca growls defensively.
"No Chewbacca having, and I quote "A Black friend" doesn't get you off the hook." Conner says.
Chewbacca makes a confused noise.
"Because how do I know you're not friends with Lando just you can use the phrase, "My black friend" in causal conversation. That's tokenism Chewie, and you know what else it is? It's treating him like an accessory. Like he's your property."
Chewbacca sounds indignant.
"You telling me you think it's okay to treat a black man like he's your servant when everyday thousands of good Wookies are put to chains at the hands of the Galactic Empire? Huh? Didn't think so."
Chewbacca roars in offense.
"What he said." Peter says grumpily.
Conner shakes his head then turns back to the camera.
"Looks like this will be a while. I'll see you folks next time on Total Drama Endless."