Total Drama Endless, Episode Six
...
The camera pans through space, passing majestic views of the stars. A deep dignified voice rings out through the heavens.
"It could be said nothing separates man from the other beasts of the world like imagination. Inspiring us, guiding us, deciding our every decision, everything man creates he first envisions in his mind. "
Cut to low orbit around a planet.
"But there is a time in man's early development called childhood were his dreams aren't fully formed. Instead they're chaotic and unanchored to the ideas of proper narrative, cohesive worldbuilding or standard copyright laws.
The world featured today was formed in childhood, and as such, plays by the logic of such a time."
A green alien in a black unitard and a pale-yellow creature with a purple superhero mask float by.
"We hope you're prepared."
Cut to beneath the sea.
The seafloor is a uniform bed of undisturbed sand, looking up the waters seems full of giant hibiscus flowers. A Hedgehog with black and red spines, white chest and sneakers stands solemnly. A young boy with buck teeth and a pink ballcap and t-shirt walks up to him. Somehow, they can both breathe underwater.
"Hey Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Hey Shadow. Shadow, Hey Shadow." The young boy repeats.
Shadow the Hedgehog gives him an impatient look. "What Timmy?" he asks.
"I just like saying your name." Timmy says dimly.
Shadow grumbles. A trickle of bubbles leaves his mouth and floats off to the surface.
"Gee Shadow, it sure is boring around here." Timmy complains.
"Timmy, this peace is what all true heroes strive for." Shadow insists.
Early two thousand's rock starts to play.
I see no, hear no evil
Black writing on the wall
Unleashed a million faces
And one by one they fall
Shadow curses. "Damn, it's my cellphone."
He digs around in his puffy white chest until he pulls out a blackberry cellphone.
"Hello? This is Shadow the Hedgehog, King of NickEarth speaking."
"Shadow! Long time no see." Cries a familiar voice.
"Conner?" Shadow asks.
Cut to the Wax Lip Ship.
Conner O'Gleeson, multidimensional talk show host extraordinaire has one hand on the ship wheel, one hand on his phone. "Good to hear from you old pal. God what has it been ten years?" He asks.
Cut to Shadow
"Six months." Shadow says.
"Well it feels a lot longer." Conner tells him.
"What have you been working on lately Conner?" Shadow asks.
Cut back to Conner.
"Well I'm hosting the new season of Total Drama, that's been a barrel of laughs. I think Jeremy likes the new ship mates."
He looks behind him, Jeremy and Yerdey dance to Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen, while Jeffrey watches with his trademark look of near lifeless distain.
Cut back to Shadow.
"Good for Jeremy." Shadow says.
"Hey, would it be alright if me and the gang swung back over there for old times sake and shot an episode in good old Unusual Nickelodeon land?" Conner asks.
Shadow looks uncomfortable "What? No? We're busy."
"Wait we are?" Timmy asks.
"Quiet Timmy."
"Great!" Conner says, ignoring them. "I already stashed some Chris Mclean busts around town. I'll see you soon."
"What?" Shadow asks.
Cut back to Conner:
"Great, love you. Bye!"
He hangs up and leans back in his captain's chair, arms folded behind his head. Chewbacca growls.
"That's right Chewie, your looking at the greatest negotiator in the multiverse." Conner says contently.
Cut to the contestant lounge.
As per usual in the early mornings, Jeremy's set out a table full of food in the breakfast nook, the contestants have gathered around it, hoping to start a new day's challenge on a full stomach.
Dipper walks back from the table with platter full of pancakes, making to sit down on one of the sofas in the foyer
"Hello Dipper!"
Dipper jumps, almost losing his pancakes. Letsplay Lenny's smiling up and him from the floor, he's playing on a Gameboy while doing leg-ups with one of the coffee tables.
"Oh, uh, Hey Lenny. I didn't see you there." Dipper says awkwardly.
"Yes, sorry about that." Lenny says. "I've been busy all night beating my high score on Super Mario Land 2."
"Oh, cool. I was just kind of surprised you weren't the first one to the breakfast table today." Dipper says.
"Come to think of it, I haven't been tired or hungry since my transformation." Lenny says thoughtful.
"No kidding. Seems like your stronger too." Dipper comments.
Lenny Switches to lifting the heavy coffee table with one toe. "You think so?"
Back over at the catering table. The ship's two natural gem's Lapis Lazuli and Amethyst watch on.
"Dude this is awesome." Amethyst says. "I can't believe we got another gem on board."
Lapis watches Lenny looking slightly disturbed. "I don't know If I'm ready to call him a gem."
Rick Sanchez strolls by, he pours black coffee into a mug, then white liquor into his coffee.
"Well ladies be honest how'd I do?"
Lapis shakes her head. "This is wrong. This is so wrong."
"Yeah, I'm sure that attitude's gonna get you far in this game." Rick takes a swig of his coffee. "W-(He belches) Way I see it I'm just done a service to your people, Alright? I mean I turned a human into a gem monster made of hard light, you have any idea what kind of science it takes to do something like that? Because its some real cutting edge **** let me tell you." He takes another swig.
"And now you've got a white guy in a gem body that can bridge the gap between your people and mine. Think of the new perspectives he'll teach you. It'll be just like Stranger in a Strange Land, but with less sex cults, or more, I don't know how down to bang you people are."
"Um… We already have someone like that." Lapis says.
"Alright ignore the philosophical crap then." Rick says. "Because I'm just gonna use Lenny to win more challenges. That's basically the whole reason I turned him into an alien rock monster."
"Dude, your team already wins like all of them." Amethyst says, slightly bitterly.
Rick scoffs. "That's still not enough for Rick Sanchez *****."
He walks off, the two gems glare at the old scientist as he goes. Amethyst turns back to Lenny.
"They're messing with powers they don't understand." Lapis says.
"Oh totally." Amethyst agrees. "Still we should teach him how to be a proper gem."
"What!? No!" Lapis shouts. "He's some weird one of kind half human half gem freakshow."
"Uh yeah, hello. Who does that remind you of?" Amethyst asks.
Lapis goes silent for a moment, then takes another look at Lenny who's now showing off his newfound strength to Peach.
"Amethyst, I don't know about this…" Lapis insists.
"Trust me, it'll be fine." Amethyst says dismissively.
Conner's voice rings out over an intercom.
"Alright my beautiful contestants, feeding time's over. We got a great show for you today, so I want everyone over to the transporter room pronto."
Amethyst nods to Lapis. "We'll talk more later."
Cut to the Transporter Room.
Conner stands in front of his Contestants, looking egger.
"Ah Transporter Room Sweet Transporter Room." Conner says. "It's been little while hasn't it everyone?"
"Yeah, today's locale must be really special then." Beatrice says sarcastically.
"Actually yes, yes, it is." Conner says, pleasantly surprised. "I've actually got, well I've got something of a special connection to this place. But you know, why tell you about it when I can show you."
He pressed a button on the wall and beams them all down.
Cut to the Locale.
The Conner and the contestants appear in the ocean Shadow and Timmy were in. They've arrived in town built of towers of metal jutting out of the sea floor, fish and squid like creatures' scurries among them.
"Oh, How lovely. An underwater world." Peach says.
Markus looks around a boyish grin spreading on his face. "Yo this ain't just any underwater world, this is Bikini Bottom." He says. "Any second now that square ****** SpongeBob's about to roll up in here."
"No Markus, you're thinking too logically for this place." Conner says.
Just then two figure that don't quite look like they belong there rush up, one a green turtle with thick rimmed glasses much like Bentley the other a yellow rhinoceros in a simple orange scout uniform, the two of them hunch over, apparently winded.
"Clam tired." Pants the Rhino.
The turtle gives him a look. "You think you're tired? Try being my legs!?" He wheezes "Oh jeez and I'm getting nauseous too. Clam you better do your thing I don't know how much longer I can stand."
The rhino (apparently named Clam) nods and pulls out a regal horn from nowhere and blows into it. The Turtle takes out a scroll (again seemingly from nowhere) and begins to read.
"Salutations travels. I am Filbert."
"Me Clam!"
"We humbly welcome you on this most wonderful 37th of Juberarary to NickEarth. Home of all the cities of the Nicktoons, Prague, The Gay Walrus Dome, and a bunch of Squibbons."
Beat.
"Uh, I got a couple questions?" Markus says uncertainly.
"Let the turtle finish Markus." Conner says politely.
"We are now very pleased to present to you, our king, Shadow the Hedgehog." Filbert proclaims
"All hail!" Clam wheezes and he and Filbert collapse of exhaustion.
"**** dawg. Now I've got even more questions." Markus says.
A red carpet starts unrolling towards them, knocking a one of the fish civilians out of the way as it does.
"My leg!"
The carpet stops just short of them, a moment later Shadow the Hedgehog teleports in.
"Hello. I'm Shadow. Shadow the Hedgehog."
Tails looks confused. "Uh Hi Shadow?"
"Oh, hey Tails."
Amethyst nudges Tails. "Yo, Tails, you know this guy?"
"I know A Shadow the Hedgehog." Tails says. "Just last I heard he wasn't king of anywhere. Hey Shadow, do we know each other?"
"Are you a journalist?" Shadow asks.
"No but I do get around." Tails says.
Shadow nods. "Then probably not."
Tails seems satisfied. "Well that clears that up."
Conner walks over to Shadow. "Shadow! Buddy! Nice to see you again. Thanks for hosting us so short notice, seriously I owe you."
"Damn right you do." Says Shadow. They shake hands.
"Guys, this is Shadow, he and I go way back." Conner says. Peach extends her hand.
"So nice to meet another Royal. I'm Princess Peach."
Shadow strokes his chin. "Hmm. I feel like we've meet before. Like the Olympics or something?"
"No I don't believe so. I'd like to hope I'd remember meeting someone like you before." Peach says thoughtfully.
"Shadow why do kind of know everyone here?" Dipper asks.
"Being king comes with connections." Shadow says. "Now why don't we head back to my place." He leans over to Conner and drops his voice. "Before you know who finds out your friends are here."
Cut to another part of Bikini Bottom.
They've only been walking for a short while before King Shadow tells them to stop again. They're standing in front of a restaurant in the shape of a crab trap, a large seashell shaped sign out front proudly proclaims the spots name as "The Krusty Krab"
"That's your home?" Yao asks.
"I was expecting the King to live somewhere a bit less utilitarian." Athena says.
"Look up." Shadow says.
They crane their heads upwards. There, perched on the restaurant's roof is a pleasant suburban home, on top of that what looks to be a fifties style malt shop by the name of "The Candy Bar" and finally on top of that is square purple building with a sign that says I-room on it's roof
Winry smiles politely. "Uh, that's.."
"Jesus Christ, my eyes." Roy says.
"That's one way to put it." Winry says.
"In my defense I got the place second hand." Shadow insists.
He leads them into the restaurant, it's a burger joint with a vaguely nautical theme.
"Just a sec. Normally I chaos control into my house but I swore theirs a staircase back here." Shadow says and he walks into the kitchen.
"Well guys, I'll let Shadow take it from here." Conner says. "Have fun running around my old stomping ground. "
He beams away, only to reappear a second later.
"Oh, and if by any chance you run into the Boogie Monster, tell him he still owes me five moneys."
Conner disappears again, leaving his contestants to their surroundings.
Doofenshmirtz spots a rusty hinge in the wooden floorboards.
"Hello, where's this go?"
He opens a trapdoor, theirs a dark basement beneath it, with two more hedgehogs, one blue, the other green with a black leather jacket.
"Look Scourge!" Cries the blue hedgehog. "Daylight! We're saved!"
"Crikey, it's been so long." Scourge says faintly.
"Hey have either of you two seen a little gold statue anywhere?" Doof asks.
"No, But please. You must help us-"
"Okay, thank you!" Doof says cheerfully.
He slams the door shut again.
Meanwhile Lapis and Amethyst walk up to Letsplay Lenny.
"Hey Lenny!"
"Sup."
Lenny looks up and smiles. "Hello you two. Come to see the newest gem in town, have you?"
"Yeah, about that." Lapis says. "Amethyst thought I'd be nice of us to step in and show you the ropes of gem life."
"It'll be fun, you and Lapis will hang with my squad today and we'll gives you some insider knowledge on this thing." Amethyst taps the gemstone in Lenny's stomach.
"Well isn't that awfully generous of you two." Lenny says.
"Yeah, sorry what's this about making deals with my newest creation behind back?" Rick asks, suddenly butting in.
"Relax dude, we're just gonna borrow him for one challenge." Amethyst says.
Rick eyes her suspiciously. "What if he finds the gold bust?"
"Then he hands it over to me." Amethyst says. "Which I think's a pretty good exchange for training the most powerful dude on your team how to use his powers."
"What about your blue friend?" Rick asks.
"I'm just tagging along to be polite." Lapis tells him. "If I see that gold statue, it's going to the Flower Girls."
"Well? We got another deal Mr Judgy Judgerton?" Amethyst asks.
"Fine." Rick says.
They shake hands.
"You better not **** me on this." He warns her.
"Wouldn't dream of it." Amethyst says innocently.
"Just saying, If I can find a way to make a gem, I can find a way to unmake one, if you catch my drift." Rick says darkly.
Shadow teleports back into the room.
"Apparently there isn't actually a way to get into my house without flight or teleportation. But it's okay, we can start here, just so long as we're away from-"
Timmy busts through the metal wall behind him.
"Visitors!"
"Timmy!" Shadow cries. "I uh, thought you couldn't make it?"
"Yeah, you wouldn't believe it. Someone shoved me in a box and threw it into my giant pool of mayonnaise." Timmy says cheerfully.
"That was me Timmy." Shadow says.
Timmy laughs dimly. "Why'd you think that was a good idea. It's like you didn't actually want me to come or something."
Shadow grumbles. Timmy walks up to Amethyst and shakes her hand.
"Timmy Turner, where I go, the party fallows. As they say around here" He leans over to Peach and Athena. "Sorry ladies I'm taken." He winks at them. Peach giggles, Athena looks disturbed.
"No one says that about you." Shadow says bluntly.
"Of course, they do Shadow, whatya taking about?" Timmy asks.
"Yo Timmy T." Amethyst says. "You seem like a guy that knows his way around this place?"
"Are you kidding!?" Timmy asks. "I've been kicked off of-er I mean visited just about place in this whole universe! All dozen planets of it!"
"Know any places where someone would hide something?" Amethyst asks.
"Tons!" He says. "Wanna see them?"
"Sure do!" Amethyst says.
"Cool! Fallow me guys! Woo hoo!"
Timmy crashes through another wall.
Amethyst grins. "Sweet! Lapis! New guy! Follow the beaver looking kid."
"In this world I'm actually part beaver!" Timmy calls back to her.
"Awesome!" She says.
Lapis and Lenny gives their teams a look then run off. Shadow gives a look to everyone still in the restaurant. "Right, so your friends are in trouble. And they better not mind losing." He says.
"Trust me, they're used to it." Rick assures him. "So uh, since me and my crew's much better at winning challenges, we managed to pick up this map of your system." He unrolls the map from last challenge and shows it to Shadow. "You anything about any potential hiding places?"
Shadow shrugs. "Of course. It's been a while since I've gotten off world anyway. Let's go."
"Hey! What about us?" Janna demands gesturing to her team.
"First come, first served." Roy says smirking at her.
Rick pulls out his portal gun and the Fact Hunters disappears
"See ya ladies."
The portal closes behind him, only to re-emerge a second later. Rick sticks his head back out.
"…And Markus."
Markus nods. "Yo Respect."
Rick disappears again and the portal closes
"Now what do we do?" Fluttershy says uncertainly.
Janna looks around, through a hole the front window Timmy made she sees Clam walking down the street.
"Hey you!" She shouts.
"Clam?"
"How'd you like to show us around?" Janna asks.
"But Clam was to go home to see Clamette."
"Come on dude. For us."
She and the rests of her team give him the Bambi eyes.
Clam sighs. "Aw, Okay."
Cut to another part of Bikini Bottom.
Short N Spunky N Company have only made it a few blocks from the Shadows house when Timmy turns to them and asks "So we're to first guys?"
Amethyst and Yao look at each other. "Weren't you going to show us where to go?" Yao says.
"Oh yeah." Timmy thinks for a moment. "Hey! I know this really great place on the other side of the planet. Follow me!"
Theirs a flash of light, Timmy's now wearing a black jumpsuit with white boots and gloves. He springs into the air and flies off.
"Hey where are you going?" Winry calls to him.
Timmy flies back.
"Uh I'm showing you the cool place, duh. Can't you guy's fly?" He asks.
"Not around a whole planet." Tails says.
"I probably could, But I'm not carrying all of you." Amethyst says.
"Alright It's cool, we'll take my SUV." Says Timmy.
Cut to behind Shadow's house.
"See right where I left it."
"Timmy, if you don't mind me asking, why is your car at Shadow's house?" Bentley asks.
"Like I said this is where I left it." Timmy says.
"And you painted it black and red like that Shadow guy?" Yao asks skeptically.
"They're my dog's favorite colours." Timmy says.
"And surrounded it in barb wire?" Asks Winry.
"That's so the teenagers won't scratch it." Timmy says.
"With a note that says, "Stay out Timmy"?" Asks Lenny.
"Uh internet, I mean bathroom, I mean, yes." Timmy says.
Beat.
"So, you guys gonna help me get through this barbed wire or what?"
Amethyst steps forward. "I got this."
She rolls herself into a ball and spins against the ground, gaining momentum until she surges towards the SUV.
The barbs wire explodes, sending little pieces of it everywhere. The others duck and it rains down on them.
Lenny whistles. "Smashing bit of intuition there."
Amethyst shakes a loose bit of wire out of her hair then smirks. "Ah that was nothing, every quartz can do it."
"Do I have powers like that?" Lenny asks keenly.
"No idea dude, I depend what kind of gem you are?" She asks.
Lapis leans over and squints at Lenny's gem. "Looks like he could be Labradorite." She says.
"Great what'd do they do?" Amethyst ask her.
Lapis gives her a look. "I don't know? Who do I look like Peridot?"
"Well anyway Lenny, it doesn't matter what type or cut of gem you are." Amethyst says. "Back on Homeworld they had a whole class system they would have forced you into, but you're on Earth."
"NickEarth." Timmy calls from inside the SUV.
"Same difference." Says Amethyst. "Point is Homeworld's not here the judge you. You can be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do."
"Yes, well I already did that back when I was a human." Lenny says. "I believe my team was more interested in the powers."
"Well you've definitely got some, we just don't know what they are." Lapis says.
"Yeah well, he'd still have all the basic stuff." Amethyst.
Lenny nods. "Yes. I couldn't help but notice I seem to no longer be able to eat and sleep."
"Nah, you can still do those things, you don't need them to live anymore." Amethyst explains.
"Besides that, you've got increased strength. You're invulnerable unless you shatter your gemstone, and don't age." Lapis says.
Amethyst raises an eyebrow. "Yo Lapis, aren't you forgetting the best power?"
"Just because you do it Amethyst doesn't mean everyone has to."
"Right, because I'm the only gem in existence that thinks it's cool. We can do this."
She shapeshifts into Lenny, then Lapis, then Timmy.
"Fascinating, Can I have a go at that?" Lenny asks.
"Just focus on what you want to be dude." Amethyst says, turning back in herself.
Lenny jams his eyes shut and strains his face. A moment later a bushy handlebar mustache sprouts out of his upper lip. "Brilliant!" He cries. Amethyst cackles.
"Ha ha, Yes! Awesome!"
Lapis gives them both an exasperated look.
"You guys are unbelievable."
Amethyst and Lenny look at her expectantly.
"What?"
"Come on you..." Lenny urges.
"You know what's got to happen now." Amethyst says.
Lapis sighs and grows a mustache.
The other two laugh triumphantly.
The hear the SUV's engine rev up behind them.
"Awesome! I can't believe that worked." Timmy says.
A window opens up on the suburban home above them, A white bat lady sticks her head out.
"Timmy? What are you doing with Shadow's SUV?"
Timmy looks awkwardly. "Uh, this isn't his SUV Rouge. It's an identical one I own and parked behind you're house for some reason. "
"What!?"
"You saw nothing!" Timmy shouts. "Guys move!"
He hops into the vehicle, Short N Spunky, Lapis and Lenny pile in after him. The SUV flies up into the air, or water as it were.
"So, where's this place you were talking so much about." Yao asks.
"Oh, it's great!" Timmy says. "Wait till you see it."
Cut to the Jungle.
Timmy parks the car outside an old house with stucco walls and red ceramic roof tiles. An old Mexican woman in a yellow dress hobbles onto the veranda.
"Uh Timmy who's the old lady? She guarding some kind of map or something?" Amethyst asks him.
"Oh no." Timmy says dismissively. "But Dora's Grandmother here makes the best cookies on NickEarth."
Short N Spunky look at each other in dismay.
"What? But I thought we we're going statue hunting?" Winry cries.
"Yeah, Yeah. After milk and cookies." Timmy insists. "Believe me it's important to the process."
He walks into the house. The group shrugs and follows him inside.
Cut to Fact Hunters.
Rick's portal gun leads to another planet in the same solar system. Strangely the planets surface resembles giant wooden table. A moment later Shadow teleports next to them.
"Klay World seems like a good place to start searching." He says.
He looks over to the right, there's two featureless blue Klay men standing next a hotdog stand nearby.
"Either of you two seen a golden statue around here." Shadow asks.
The klay man considers it. "Mmmmmmmnope. Only thing we have here is hog dogs." He pauses for a moment. "You guys want hot dogs?"
"We'll pass." Indy says.
"Oh, but tell The Boogie Monster he owes Conner O'Gleeson five bucks." Says Doof.
The klay man nods. "Alright." He turns around there's a giant blue monster with three tails behind him
"Hey Boogie Monst-"
The creature decapitates the Klay man
Beat.
"Conner says you owe him five bucks."
The next planet they land on is apparently called Paw's Planet; they teleport into a suburban house. A man in pastel blue collared shirt stands walks into the room.
"Hi Shadow."
"Oh hi Jon." Shadow says awkwardly. "I didn't think you still lived here."
"No people just forget about me. Ever since Garfield left to found the Food Group. No one ever comes to visit Jon Arbuckle."
"I see." Shadow says.
"Yeah, but it's okay." Jon Insists. "I find ways to pass the time like playing my accordion and rearranging my sock drawer and…"
He looks at Perry and his eyes to wide
"Is.. That a pet? And…" His eyes drifting to Beatrice. "And a lady!?"
A deranged smile forms across Jon's face.
Beatrice looks at him uncertainly. "Uh…"
"RUN!" Shadow shouts.
The next world Rick portal gun leads to is a planet made entirely of swiss cheese, with lakes of chocolate milk.
"Now where are we?" Dipper asks.
"Cheese planet." Shadow says with a straight face.
"No kidding." Doof says.
A herd of giant alpacas runs by.
"Is every planet around here crazy like this?" Beatrice asks.
"Hey! They're not crazy, they're unusual." Shadow says indignantly. "There's a different."
"Sure there is." Beatrice says shortly.
The walk a little distance to what looks like an alpine hotel. A boy with thick lensed glasses and sandy blonde hair and a little Chinese girl with a light blue shirt are sunbathing out front. The boy looks up.
"Hey Shadow, who's your friends?"
"They're contestants on a game show Conner's hosting Ian." Shadow tell him.
Ian smiles. "Oh, neat Conner's back. It's been a long time since that guys been around."
"Yeah, he was one of those guys that disappeared, Like Ultra Patrick, Happy Scourge and Dreadlock." Shadow says.
Ian chuckles
"Man, those guys we're great." He looks over to his partner. "Kai-Lan Do you remember those guys?"
The girl falls over revealing herself to be a cardboard cut-out.
"Oh, that's right I forgot my wife's not real." Ian laughs.
Rick groans. "**** me dude you people are depressing. And that's coming from the biggest nihilist in the galaxy."
"Hey I dated a real girl once" Ian says. "Or the robot version of her. I think. Whatever her name was?"
Rick rubs his temple. "Just tell us if you've seen a golden statue."
"Not outside my theme song." Ian says unhelpfully.
Rick signs.
"Okay can we stop somewhere and rest for a while. I can only take so much "Unusualness" in one sitting." Beatrice says.
"Oh, can we maybe get some grub to?" Doof asks. "All this cheese is making me hungry."
"I know a great place to eat on Mars." Shadow says.
Beatrice looks up tiredly. "Of course, you do."
Cut to Short N Spunky.
Back at the old Mexican Lady's house, Yao, Amethyst and Timmy sit around a small kitchen table gorging themselves on chocolate chip cookies.
"Um how long are we staying here?" Tomoko asks quietly.
"Yeah, come on guys, we need to get a move on." Winry says.
"In a little bit Wendy, some things can't be rushed." Says Timmy. He bangs on the table.
"What does it take to get some more cookies around here?"
"I bake as fast as I can." Dora's Grandmother pleads.
Letsplay Lenny watches Amethyst shovel cookies into her mouth.
"Amethyst is certainly something of an unorthodox gem, isn't she?" He says to Lapis.
Lapis rolls her eyes.
"To be fair she's kind of like you. She was born on Earth, so she never have to the deal with the caste system back on Homeworld."
"I dare say the way you talk of this "Homeworld" makes me hope they never find out about me." Lenny notes.
"They've been changing a lot lately, so you might be fine." Lapis says. "For the longest time though everyone had their place. Lapis Lazuli's were terraformers. Bismuths were builders, Quartz's like Amethyst were soldiers, etcetera."
Lenny looks surprised. "Soldiers? Really? Isn't that an odd choice."
"To be far quartz are normally bigger than her." Lapis thinks to herself. "Labradorites are a type of Feldspar, come to think of it they might have been soldiers to."
"That would be a laugh then." Lenny says with a grin. "I've never exactly been fit in my life, so being a strong solider would be an interesting change."
"Next time theirs something like a fight see if your powers come out in battle." She suggests. "If they do that solves it, if not you'll have to keep working on it."
Lenny nods. "Brilliant."
Dora's Grandmother pulls another plate of cookies out of the oven Timmy takes to it like a rapid beaver, pushing Yao and Amethyst away from the plate.
"Mine!" Timmy shrieks.
"Dude, not cool." Amethyst says.
"Amethyst talk some sense into this guy." Winry says.
Amethyst sighs. "Okay Timmy, maybe you should cool it on the old lady."
Timmy thinks for a moment. "You're right, it was pretty terrible what happened with her family after all. You should have seen it."
"What-no. I meant let's go."
"Seriously?"
"Yes!" Shout the others.
"Alright already we'll go." Timmy says.
Cut to back under the sea.
Timmy's parked the vehicle at the rim of a giant crater in the middle of a kelp forest.
"Well here we are."
"Oh wow!" Tails says.
"You figure the statues are at the bottom of that crater?" Lenny asks Timmy.
Timmy gives him a funny look. "Uh, no. This is where that old lady's granddaughter died."
"WHAT!?" Short N Spunky yell.
"I said it was tragedy." Timmy says defensively. "Shadow was fighting with Swiper and Carl Wheezer, and caused a huge explosion. That lady's grand daughter, and a fish couple died. Also, some other girl, but I think they built robots of her."
Yao's face flushes with anger. "You idiot! We meant somewhere the statues might be hidden."
"Hey! why didn't you say so?" Timmy asks. "I know some hiding places."
Amethyst slams her forehead.
"I'm gonna ring that kid's little chicken neck." Yao says through gritted teeth.
"Yao!" Winry scolds.
"What was that?" Timmy asks.
"He said, 'Where to next?'" Amethyst says.
Timmy laughs. "Easy, Prague!"
"Prague?"
Cut to Prague.
Sure enough, for seemingly no explainable reason there exists a perfect replica of the Czech capital on the Planet of Nickelodeon cartoon settings.
Timmy sniffs the air.
"Ah Prague! Biggest city in France or something."
Winry has her hands over her face. "Please tell me this is actually where people hide things."
"Oh, do they ever." Timmy says happily.
"Something besides cookies." Bentley specifies.
"Are you kidding me?" Timmy asks. "Beneath these ancient German streets is a giant underground sanctuary. that's practically the best hiding spot in the Universe."
Amethyst perks up slightly. "That's more like it! Let's go down and check out."
"Oh, we can't." Timmy says. "No one's allowed down there without Shadow. Duh."
The entire Short N Spunky team wears one unified look of deep exasperation
"Okay!" Amethyst declares suddenly. "Group huddle."
Lapis, Letsplay Lenny and Short N Spunky huddle around Amethyst.
"Okay. I may have picked the wrong guide here." She admits.
"You think?" Lapis asks.
"Amethyst, we can't lose again." Winry says desperately.
"Then let's just ditch this guy and look on our own." Amethyst says.
Winry looks uncomfortable. "That seems kinda mean, couldn't we just ask him to leave?"
"You really think he'd listen?" Yao asks flatly.
Winry thinks it over for a second. "Good point, let's get as far away from this guy as possible."
"How are we going to distract him?" Bentley asks.
"Observe." Says Amethyst. "Yo Timmy T!"
Timmy zips over.
"Hey guys! How's my favorite new tour group? Got any more fun places you guys want me to show you?"
"Yeah." Amethyst says. "Actually, can you grab that Somber-"
"Shadow." Tails coughs.
"-Shadow guy to come open the sanctuary for us?" Amethyst asks.
"Uh you sure you don't want to something with me instead?" Timmy asks.
"If you do it, we'll let you see the giant bug Lenny's team has as a pet." Amethyst says.
"COOL!"
He transforms back into his black and white jumpsuit and flies of into sky.
"Is he gone?" Tomoko asks.
Amethyst holds up a hand. "Wait…"
Beat.
"Okay! He's gone! Run!"
Her team scampers out of the Prague Main Square and into the narrow city streets.
Cut to Mars.
In this madding solar system, The Planet Mars seems like it'd be too normal to exist, and yet here it is all the same, complete with an eight laned freeway, breathable atmosphere and single pizza parlor because of course something had to be amiss.
The Fact Hunters share a booth in the pizza parlor, Rick, Indy, Dipper and Shadow poor over the map as the others eat.
"Alright, so we haven't searched NickEarth or Cartoon Network Planet." Rick says.
"Man would it kill these to people not just name every planet, planet?" Dipper complains.
Rick shoots him a look. "Right, this system's fantastic naming conventions aside, what else are we missing?"
Shadow stares at the map. "Hmm, We'll first off, your maps wildly out of date. Since Lose Planet has been destroyed for a long time. As has Fast Food Planet"
"I was wondering why we didn't go there for lunch." Doof says, taking another slice of pizza.
"What about here on Mars?" Roy says. "Hey Waiter!"
The sole server in the restaurant hops over, they seem to be a yellow electric mouse creature.
"Seen any subpar golden statuettes around here?" He asks the creature.
"Pika, Pika, Pika, Pika, Pika, Pika, Pika, Pika, Pi, Pikachu." It chirps.
Roy nods. "I'm not hearing a no."
"What about all these other places?" Dipper asks pointing to the map. "Nintendo Planet, Mobius, The Antiverse?"
"I don't think so. At this point if your statue isn't on NickEarth then it's got to be on Planet Stuff." Shadow says.
"Planet Stuff." Repeats Beatrice. "What makes Planet Stuff so special?"
"It's the place where all lost things go." Shadow explains.
Doofenshmirtz gasps. "Oh, that sounds perfect!"
"Yeah, no ****. What wasn't that the first place we went?" Rick asks.
"I don't like going there." Shadow says. "It's a big desert world, easy to get lost, and honestly." He shivers. "Rasputin creeps me out."
Indy gives him a look of disbelief. "Rasputin." He repeats blankly. "As in Grigori Rasputin, The Mad Monk, Healer to Tsarina Alexandra and her son? That Rasputin?"
Beat.
"Yes." Shadow says causally.
Indiana leans back in the booth and gives a frustrated laugh.
"Sure. Why not?"
"You holding up aright Professor?" Rick asks.
"I'm starting to agree with Beatrice, the madness of this game's messing with my head." Indy admits.
"Oh, really?" Doof says, surprised. "See, I don't think it's that bad."
"Well gee, doc. Maybe that has something to do with you being best friends with a platypus." Indy asks shortly.
"Excuse me. Perry the Platypus and I are nemesis alright?" Doof insists. "Clear difference there. Isn't that right Perry?"
Perry chitters.
Indiana sighs. "So Planet Stuff huh?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, it seems like the best place to look next." Shadow says. "Assuming some new piece of news doesn't fall into are laps in the next say five seconds."
Four and nine tenths of a second later Timmy crashes through the wall of the pizzeria.
"PIKA!" Cries the server.
"Shadow!" Shouts Timmy.
"Timmy!" Shouts Shadow. "What have I told you about barging in on people?"
"Don't know, don't care." Timmy says. "My team wants to use the sanctuary."
"No." Shadow says firmly.
"Pleeeease!" Timmy whines. "They're like the only people that think I'm cool."
"Timmy you know damn well you're not allowed anywhere near the sanctuary." Shadow says.
Rick raises an eyebrow. "Hold up, what sanctuary?"
Cut to Short N Spunky.
Free from the shackles of Timmy Turner's ineptitude. Short N Spunky and their two gem tagalongs have taken "Timmy's" SUV have just made it out of Prague. Tails sighs from the driver's seat.
"I feel bad about taking this car."
"Cool. I don't." Says Amethyst. "Serves Captain Bucktooth right for wasting most of the day."
"Amethyst why did you have to trust that little kid anyway?" Winry asks.
"It seemed like a good an idea at the time okay?" Amethyst says. "I didn't think he was gonna be that annoying."
Timmy flies down onto the front.
"Hey guys! Where you going?"
"AAAAHHHHH!"
Tails serves off the road and into a ditch, a homeless man resting nearby gives them a look
"Gosh dang it, there ain't no easy place to sleep for poor old CBB." He grumbles.
"TIMMY!" Amethyst shouts. "Uh what's up dude?"
"Good news guys!" Timmy says excitedly. "Shadow's gonna open the sanctuary."
"Oh really?" Tails says, surprised. "That's great."
"Yeah, what's the catch?" Amethyst asks.
"Well the deal is because I'm not allowed in, and you guys are with me, you also can't good in." Timmy explains. "But he's letting all your other friends in."
Dread suddenly registers on the faces of Short N Spunky. "Other friends?" Amethyst croaks faintly.
Suddenly Conner's voice rings out through the heavens.
"And so another round is over! Congratulations to the Fact Hunter and the Flower Girls for taking first and second place. What a surprise."
There's a very ugly silence in the car. Broken only by the sound of Lapis laughing.
"Timmy was right about that place being a good hiding spot after all."
Lenny grins. "I'll say. Well done figuring that out Flower Girls."
"Thanks. Nice job being unbeatably as always Fact Hunters." Lapis says.
They shake hands respectfully. Short N Spunky on the hand looks mortified.
"You're telling me this kid actually lead us to the hiding place, only for us to drive away from it?" Yao says slowly.
"Uh yeah duh?" Timmy says "I told you a had a process. Jeez, No wonder you guys needed a guide. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go try and sneak into the sanctuary without Shadow noticing. Woo hoo!"
He flies off into the sky merrily.
Beat.
"So… We lost again." Tails says after a minute.
"Yes, you did it again." Lenny says cheerfully. "And it was truly a fascinating insight to see up close."
"Great." Amethyst says. "Tails move over."
"Uh. Okay?"
"Thanks."
She bangs her head into the steering wheel. The SUV's horn lets out a long continuous honk.
"Huh, you think she'd be used to this by now?" Lenny says.
Lapis rolls her eyes. "That's Amethyst for you."
"Regardless, both of you have my thanks for helping me with my new body."
"No problem. You know, Amethyst was right, It is cool to have a new gem running around here."
"Now I just need to unlock my special powers."
"You'll figure them out eventually." Lapis says. "Just try and go easy on us other teams when you do.
Amethyst groans in despair.
Lapis smiles wryly. "…For her sake."
Lenny smiles. "Got it."
Cut to later that night.
Short N Spunky are back underwater, siting around a campfire with Conner. He's got a remote control in one hand and a bag of marshmallows in the other. The Wax Lip Ship parked behind them.
"Evening gang." Conner says. "You're probably wondering about the change of scenery?"
"I'm more confused about how you started a fire underwater." Bentley says.
"Good question." Conner says. "Any who we're not exactly done with this place yet and since this is something of return to form for me, I'd figure it'd be nice to do something similar with the elimination ceremony. Especially since, well, after four times I'd imagine you're getting a little tired of seeing the ship's elimination room over and over… and over. And over.
Back during the first few seasons of Total Drama there wasn't a budget for fancy elimination rooms. Instead contestants would roast marshmallows with the host, while determining which of team was unworthy of such a delicious treat. Said unworthy one would then be deemed a social pariah, and forced off the island. so that everyone wouldn't have to bear looking at their shameful, loser face.
Now I've got here a bag of marshmallows, courtesy of the Fusion Matter company, famous here for their milk. I'm going to throw you guys each a marshmallow, and together we'll discovered who tonight's eliminated contestant slash social pariah is. Alright? Now the first person deemed worthy to toast marshmallows with yours truly is Tomoko!"
He throws her a marshmallow but missed wildly. It lands in the fire.
"Aw" She sighs.
Conner laughs in embarrassment.
"Let's try that, again shall we? Tomoko!"
The marshmallow sails over her shoulder.
"Close enough! Next up, Yao! Bentley! And Tails!"
Bentley winces at the marshmallow bounces off his forehead.
"And now." Conner says. "The final marshmallow off the night goes to..."
It's down to Winry and Amethyst. Winry looks nervous, Amethyst however seems to have regained her cool and looks indifferent.
"Winry!"
Winry gasps.
Conner grins apologetically. "I'm sorry sweetheart, you're our newest pariah."
Winry looks around in surprise. "What!? That's not fair! Amethyst was the one that said we should leave the sanctuary!"
Amethyst nods politely "True. Unfortunately, though, uh, I have an alliance. And you don't.
Yao chuckles. "Yeah." He puts his arms around Bentley and Tails. "And after tonight they'll only be one person on the squad not part of it."
Winry and Tomoko gasp.
"No! What!? Is this why you guys got rid of Ramona?" Winry asks.
Yao smirks nastily. "Shorty Squad protects its own." He says.
"So long tall girl." Amethyst says.
She leans over and presses a button on the remote Conner's holding. The place where Winry was sitting springs up suddenly like a jack in the box, sending her soaring into the sky.
Conner nods approvingly "Nice work on the hydraulics Jeremy."
Jeremy can be heard gurgling from the ship.
"Now back to the elimination. Oh my god guys. That was barbaric."
Yao shrugs. "You said it yourself, Social pariah."
"Yup, and she's not the only one." Amethyst adds.
"Yeah." He smirks at Tomoko. "Let's just say somebody better hope we don't lose again."
Tomoko whimpers.
"Well, clearly a reign of terror has begun here amongst Short N Spunky." Conner says, looking somewhere between appalled and impressed. "How's it going to affect their game going forward? Tune in next time for a very special episode here in Total Drama Endless."
"Wait what?" Amethyst asks.
"Nothing. Don't worry about it. We're definitely not doing anything special next episode."