Total Drama Endless, Episode Seven, Part Two
...
Dipper Pines clears his throat. Theirs bags under his eyes.
"Dipper's log number 47… I think. Hour Twenty-Four. Room, 1312. Leg's aching. Eyes in agony. I can't stop walking, can't stop moving. Should I take a break? Absolutely. But I haven't seen anyone else so I could either be the first one out or the only one still in here, which I'm hoping to avoid because I am not letting Mr Know It All Rick Sanchez show me up again, alright? Seriously I handled Bill Cipher back home, like heck if I'm gonna let someone call me a useless member of the team. "He fumes in silence for a moment." And Mabel if you're watching this this show's a lot harder than it looks okay? You two Grunkle Stan! I'd like to see either of you two do as well as I'm doing on my own. Stan you'd probably get voted off for overselling the Mystery Shack or something, I don't know. Point is! All things considered I think I'm doing pretty good-WHOA!"
He staggers forward into the next room, tripping and banging his head on a coffee table. One of the Chris Mclean busts falls over.
"Brilliant!" Letsplay Larry cries. "Dipper's made it."
"I... I did?"
He looks around finding himself back in the lounge. Letsplay Larry, and Tails the Fox beam up at him from the sofa. Shadow the Hedgehog is mixing drinks and Yerdey Yisme sits in the corner playing chess with Perry the Platypus.
"You play ruthlessly for a platypus you know."
Perry chitters.
Dipper laughs wearily.
"I actually did. And I beat Rick!"
A toilet flushes in the next room and Rick Sanchez walks out of a normal looking washroom.
"Yeah. Hate to take a literal **** on your celebrations there Dippy Fresh. But I got here five minutes before you did."
Dipper's smile fades only to quickly reappear.
"You mean I only scored five minutes worse than the great Rick Sanchez?"
"Sure kid." Rick consents. "Whatever you need to say to feel better about yourself."
Conner O'Gleeson waltzes in from the hallway, Rodney close behind him. They spot Dipper and their faces light up.
"Welcome back young man!" Rodney says happily.
"Dipper, nice timing. You almost beat Rick."
Dipper looks satisfied. "I did, didn't I?"
He smirks at Rick. The old man simply gives him a bored look then shuffles over to the full liquor bar.
"So, Dipper, now that you're out you want some updates on what everyone else in the house is up to?"
"Actually, I've been running almost constantly for twenty-four hours." Dipper says. "I think I'm just gonna-
He slumps over and falls fast asleep on the floor.
Not missing a beat Conner swivels around. "Rick! Care for an update?"
"Uh, yeah. Can't help but notice theirs no Flower Girls here yet, tell me how bad we're beating them." Rick observes, not glancing up from the glass of hard liquor he's pouring.
"Actually, it's remarkable, the whole team managed to find one another." Rodney says with a chuckle.
"Only to split up a room later!" Conner adds.
Rick raises an eyebrow. "That's impressive. Even I didn't think they were that ********."
"They had an argument about doing things by the books or loose canon tactics." Conner explains. "Peach, Markus and Fluttershy are by the book squad, Janna, Athena, and Yae are team loose cannon. They made a bet, about who can get out first of something."
"Such a shame really, they threw away a promising advantage over a petty wager." Rodney laments.
Shadow nods. "It's true gambling ruins everything."
"Yup." Rick says.
Beat.
"Fifty bucks says the team with the literally Greek God wins." He says.
"Rick, I'm king of my own planet" Shadow says contemptuously. "You're gonna want to double those numbers to make things interesting."
"You think Princess Peach and a My Little Pony have a chance against Athena?" Asks Letsplay Larry.
"As someone who dabbles in divinity myself, I say they do." Conner insists. "Shadow put me don't for two hundred."
Tails digs up some change from the couch. "I've got seventy-four cent on Janna!"
Perry chitters.
The room goes on like this for a while.
Cut to Peach's team.
Back in the labyrinthine part of the house Peach, slides out of mail chute, landing in a long room full of Pillows and fairy lights.
"Oh my, that was exhilarating, thank goodness for the soft landing." She says straightening out the helm of her gown.
Markus slides out after her. Fluttershy in his arms.
"Yo that was fire! Y'alright Flutters?"
Fluttershy nods shakily.
"There you two are." Peach says. "Wonderful! Now come, adventure is waiting for us."
Markus grins. "Tight."
He gets ups, Fluttershy hops out of his arms and flutter up into the air timidly. She flies besides him as he walks.
"It was very nice of you to come with us Markus." She
"No problem. This *****'s always happy to represent team Peachy."
"Honestly, I was expecting you to go with the troublemakers." Fluttershy says bashfully.
"Naaah. That ain't my style dawg." Markus says.
Fluttershy looks surprised. "What do you mean?"
"I mean yeah, I get where you're coming from." Markus admits. "I'm a rapper, I ******* cause ruckus, offend people all the time, all that ****. *********s in the UAE straight banned me from coming back for a while. So I ain't afraid to cause trouble. But sometimes breaking the mold becomes the mold, and you got to break it by not breaking it."
"Oh." Fluttershy says, still confused.
They open a door and enter into an empty bakery, filled with deserts.
"Plus, I take care of my own." Markus says. "You know, Jamie, Fanny, Earl, Ever'one in Bad Future Jackal Pack Kill Everything, my rap group. Yo we look out for each other. You've always been nice, Peachy was dumb as hell, but her attitude was tight so I'm down the hang with you guys as long as we're all here dawg. Team Peachy all the way."
"Well that's very nice of you to stay by her side even after her personality change Isn't it Princess?" Fluttershy says.
She looks around.
"Princess Peach?"
"Coming."
She emerges from behind the counter of the bakery, carrying most of the shops baked goods in her arm.
Markus grins. "Yo, something tells me theirs still a little of that old Peachy in there."
Cut to Janna's team.
Janna, Yae, and the Greek goddess Athena slide down a mail chute in the dark, landing forcefully in another room.
"That was awesome." Janna says. "You guys alright?"
"Always." Says Athena.
Yae nods.
Janna looks around. They've landed on top of a table seemingly made (Along with the rest of the room) of plasticine.
"Alright Team Janna, you ready to beat Team Peachy our way?"
Athena nods. "That we are."
She pulls herself up.
"Let's win this quickly and wisely. With no fear of outwitting our surrounding when we need to."
Janna gives her a look. "Uh, only when we need to? Seriously?" She blows a raspberry. "Heck with that noise. Let's tear through this place like punk rockers."
She kicks through the nearest, door (Also made of plasticine) whips out a smartphone from her pocket. The Ramones begin to play
Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go!
Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go!
The three women run through a long cave full of glowing blue crystals, Janna pauses to pry one off the wall and pocket it.
They're forming in straight line
They're going through a tight wind
The kids are losing their minds
The blitzkrieg bop
They're in a ploughed field, filled with swords and axes stuck in the earth like plough, all three of them grab at least one.
They're piling in the back seat
They're generating steam heat
Pulsating to the back beat
The blitzkrieg bop
They're in a small room with a tiny buddha statue in the centre of it. Each wall a paper screen, Yae slides one back to reveal an identical room, as does Athena. Janna merely smirks and slices through the nearest wall, the others join her, soon they've cleared enough space to find a real door.
Hey ho, let's go
Shoot 'em in the back now
What they want, I don't know
They're all revved up and ready to go
They arrived on the pitch of a massive indoor soccer stadium with mannequins in the bleachers, A mannequin ref stands next to them gesturing to a ball. Janna slices off it's head and kicks it through the goal post. Soon as its head hits the back of the net the wall of the pitch slides open revealing another door.
They're forming in straight line
They're going through a tight wind
The kids are losing their minds
The blitzkrieg bop
They entered into small hotel room. Athena grabs for the next door but Janna hold and hand out to stop her, she then proceeds to trash the entire room, smashing furniture and slicing open the beds. Yae and Athena exchange a look.
Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go!
Hey ho, let's go! Hey ho, let's go!
Cut to the Lounge.
Conner watches the mayhem unfold on the large flat screen TV.
"Good lord. Rodney, I... I hope that it's alright their doing that. Jesus."
"Oh, heavens yes. It's fine if they tear up a few room, I have infinitely more of them." Rodney says. All the same, he grimaces at Janna's gleeful ferocity. Rick causally watches over his shoulder, drinking a rum and cola.
"Looking forward to that two hundred Conner."
Just then the left door opens. Out walks Dr Doofenshmirtz and a harassed looking Indiana Jones.
"Oh hey, look at that Dr Jones. We made it." Doof says cheerfully.
Indy looks exhausted. "Thank God."
Conner gets up to great them. "Gentlemen! Welcome to the party."
Doof glances around the room "Wow almost our whole team's here."
"Yeah. Isn't that great?" Tails says, a little more bitterly than he intended.
"Larry apparently made it in five minutes." Dipper says.
Doof whistles.
"Okay, that is impressive. You know I don't want to brag but that's probably my Gem formula working for ya. Anyway, who got second?"
Perry chitters.
Doof gasps. "Oh, I should have known Perry the Platypus! You can't help but show off can you."
Perry shrugs mischievously.
"Yeah, admit it, you like it." Doof says. "I was telling Dr Jones all about you wasn't I Dr Jones?"
"Yeah. He did." Indiana grunts with eyes only for the liquor bar.
"Well Doof, I'm sure you've had a busy day, so you know, why don't so sit down and join us?" Conner offers.
"With pleasure!" Doof says. "Oh, and hey? How many of our guys are still in there?"
"Well, now that you and Dr Jones have succeeded, that just leaves three members of your team." Rodney gestures to the screen. "As you can see, we can expect to see Miss Addams any time now…"
The screen shows Wednesday stoically marching through room after room.
"…Roy on the other hand, might be delayed…"
The screen shows Roy R Brown standing in a round plain room, glazing up at a perfect copy of Michelangelo's David.
"Oh yeah." He says. "This is perfection. I stare could stare at this guy for hours."
"…And finally, as for Beatrice." Rodney continues. "Well things look like they're about to get interesting for her."
Cut to Beatrice.
Like Dipper, Beatrice has begun to struggle with the challenge.
"Okay, I take it back. Nothing about this is like forest." She admits to herself.
She opens a door, she's stepped in a large cavern, in the centre of the space, a great biomechanical creature like an organ fitted with clockwork, breathes rhythmically
Beatrice holds her breath and shimmies along the wall, putting as much space between her and the entity as possible until she gets to the opposite door and bolts through.
"Well that was disturbing." She breathes.
Suddenly a great wail causes her to yelp and fall over. She looks up.
She's in the pantheon room with the sandpit floor, there curled up in a ball and looking filthy is Tomoko, crying to herself.
"Oh, uh hi. You're Tomoko, right?" Beatrice asks, staring the girl with a mixture of surprise and revulsion. "From the other team?"
Tomoko merely wails in response. Beatrice gives her an awkward look.
"Well, nice to meet you. Kinda, not really. "
She rolls her eyes and grabs the door handle to find it won't budge.
"What the?"
"Don't bother!" Tomoko says tearfully. "It's hopeless! The keys gone and we're stuck in here forever!"
"What happened with the key? Is it buried in here or something?" Beatrice asks.
Tomoko nods hysterically.
"It was, But I couldn't find it because I'm a failure, then when I finally found it the Flowers Girls stole in and kicked sand in my face!"
Beatrice almost looks impressed. "Wow. You other teams are getting desperate. But there is another way, out right?"
Tomoko merely blubbers incoherently. Beatrice sighs and takes a step back.
She charges at the door shoulder first, once, twice, then finally on the third time it opens. She turns back to Tomoko while rubbing her shoulder.
"See? Exit. Anyway, um, I guess I'll see you around."
She walks out the open door, Tomoko remains in the sandpit tears still streaking down her grimy face. Beatrice pokes her head back in through the door frame.
"Um hello? You're free now."
"JUST GO WITHOUT ME!"
Beatrice looks taken aback. "Uh, no I didn't mean."
"NO ONE EVER WANTS TO BE AROUND A LOSER LIKE ME." Tomoko wails. "THAT'S PROBABLY WHY ALL THE OTHERS HATE ME."
Beatrice groans.
"Do you want to come with me?"
Tomoko stops crying immediately.
"Y-you, you want …me… as your buddy?" She croaks.
"Yeah, sure." Beatrice says already regretting this. "Come on we'll get out of here together."
Tomoko almost looks like she's about to start crying again, she gets up, scratches at her backside and bonds over to Beatrice as faithfully as a dog. Beatrice merely rolls her eyes again and they're off.
Cut to Peach's team.
Back with team Peachy the trio walk through a large dark expanse of volcanic sand, the only visible light radiating from large glowing white orbs.
Fluttershy shivers slightly.
"I'm I sure glad I'm not alone in here anymore. This place is so big and frightening."
"Actually, this place is real chill when you get used to it." Markus says.
"Easy for you to say." Fluttershy says timidly.
"Oh, don't be frightened Fluttershy." Peach says. "Markus is right. It's very nice and peaceful in here."
They find a door sticking out of the ground, opening it leads a brightly lit space filled with beaded curtains, they start pushing their way through them.
"I wish I could be as brave as you princess." Fluttershy says.
Peach turns to her and does her best to curtsey (the bead strands make it a little difficult) and gives her a coy look.
"Well I have a little help with that you know."
"Yo, do you?" Markus asks.
They enter into the next room (a long stone pathway through a bamboo forest)
"I have a little special charm that keeps me protected from dirt and danger."
"Yo wait a minute." Markus says confused. "Weren't you freaking out in back in the bug forest because you we're scared to get wet? What's up with that?"
Peach giggles girlishly. "Oh that? That was just whatever spell I was under wearing off. Now that I'm back to my old Peachy self I know I'm safe from those things. But again, It doesn't seem like theirs much in here that could harm us."
They reach the end of the path and open the door at the end of it. They walk into a dark cave of blue rock; they're standing next to a pool of pink iridescent liquid.
"What is that?" Fluttershy asks.
"I'm not sure." Peach says.
"Yo whatever it is it's remining me of how hella thirsty I am." Markus says. "****** shame there ain't a drinking fountain In this *****."
Fluttershy smiles. "Oh, that's okay Markus, here I'll test if this is safe to drink for you."
Peach holds out a hand. "Oh Fluttershy, that's alright I'll-"
"It's okay Peach. I insist." Fluttershy says.
She leaves down and takes a sip.
"Mm, lavender." She smiles.
"**** that works for me." Markus says.
He cups his hands and takes a drink. Fluttershy turns to Peach proudly.
"You we're right Peach, there's nothing to fear in here after all."
Peach sighs. "Thank goodness, you almost had me worried for a- 私はプリンセスです！"
Fluttershy blinks twice confused.
"C-Could you repeat that?"
"みんな大好き！綺麗な！"
The Princess shutters and turns into an origami doll.
Fluttershy looks taken aback. "Oh no, I think she's going through another personality change."
"Yo, is she?" Markus asks. "I was too busy looking at my hands."
She turns around, Markus's fingers have turned into party blowers.
Fluttershy makes a face and turns into a bat pony.
She tries to speak but all that comes out of her mouth is kazoo noises. Markus laughs.
"Yo, for real ******! That's Fire!"
He burst into flames, He and Fluttershy start laughing uncontrollably. The world around them starts to warp into surreal images.
Hard cut to several hours later.
The two of them wake up a start. They're laying in a field of auburn human hair. Markus's wearing dark shades, a blonde wig and a pink suit with no dress shirt. Fluttershy's dressed as a French schoolgirl.
"Oh my goodness! What happened!?" She cries.
Besides them Peach giggles, looking completely normal again.
" I think perhaps it seems that sometimes it's good to brave, but it's always best to be smart about things." Peach says.
Markus takes off his shades and rubs his face, groaning. "****. Sorry Peachy. Normally I'm like one the few rappers that don't do drugs."
"That's quite alright Markus." Peach says politely.
She passes him his old clothes.
"I already forgive you for all those things you said while you were gone."
Markus grins sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry I got a mouth on me."
Peach giggles again. "I wasn't talking about you Markus."
Markus turns to Fluttershy surprised. The little pony blushes.
Cut to Beatrice and Tomoko.
The two ladies march through an ashy plain, the air heavy with a yellow mist that smells strongly of sulphur. Beatrice covers her nose with her arm. Tomoko on the on hand seems completely unaffected, trailing behind Beatrice with nervous excitement.
"You're very nice for letting me join you." She whispers.
"Uh huh." Beatrice says tiredly. "You're welcome again, that's what? Tenth time you've thanked me?"
The walk through a door. They've entered a large enclosed gondola like the ones found in ski resorts, only every internal space is encrusted with muscles and barnacles. Beatrice groans and tries to shimmy her way through.
"Ev-Ever since Winry and Ramona were eliminated everyone on my team's so mean to me." Tomoko says. "It's nice to have a friend again."
"Yeah, that's me, Misses Friendly. Why are all these rooms so terrible?" Beatrice asks distractedly.
Scrapping her hands and arms she pries the next door open gingerly. She hops through and immediately sinks up above her ankles in sticky black mud. They're now in shallow riverbank surrounded by reeds, another door about a hundred metres away. Beatrice sighs.
"Great. I hope everyone else is having this bad a time."
With some effort she pulls her foot out of the muck, hitches up her dress and sludges towards the door.
Tomoko tries to follow her, but it seems every leg movement requires more effort, and the mud keeps getting deeper.
"Beatrice…" She says quietly.
"Not now Tomoko." Beatrice says, almost at the next door.
"B-Beatrice…"
" What?"
Tomoko sounds much farther away this time. Beatrice turns around. Tomoko's gotten herself sunk up to her waist in the quagmire. She looks up at Beatrice, trying not to panic.
"Help."
Beatrice groans exasperatedly and trudges back over to the Tomoko, her feet now caked in mud.
"Is it quicksand?" Tomoko asks voice quivering.
"It's not quicksand, your just stuck. Here."
Crouching down and trying not to sink herself, she starts digging at Tomoko's legs.
"This would be easier if you helped." She grunts.
"I don't think that's what you're supposed to do in quicksand." Tomoko says.
"It's not quicksand!" Beatrice snaps, beginning to lose her patience.
She wipes her brow, it's humid in this room. If room's the right word for it.
"Okay, give me your arms." She grumbles.
Tomoko holds out her arms, Beatrice grabs her by the wrists and pulls, Tomoko's hips start to remerge from the bog.
"I think I'm sinking." Tomoko says fearfully.
Beatrice grits her teeth. "That's… because… you're… not… pulling with me."
"I'm sinking. Something's got by leg! I'M GETTING DRAGGED DOWN!" Tomoko shrieks.
She freaks out, her arms slip out of Beatrice's and she falls backwards into the mud. Her hair falling out of its bun.
"HEY! Not all of us have a change of clothes here!" Beatrice shouts. Spitting lose hair out of her face.
Tomoko flails about not sinking an inch, her panic attack brought on as usual by a danger that's not there.
"I'M DYING! DYING! I'M GOING TO A DIE VIRGIN!" Tomoko shrieks.
She inadvertently splatters Beatrice with mud. The girl loses her patience.
"CUT IT OUT!"
She lobs a glob of muck at Tomoko, it pegs her straight in the face. She gags.
"Okay? You know what? I've changed my mind, I'm out of here." Beatrice fumes, pulling herself back up. She makes a horrified face at the state of herself and trudge back towards the door.
Tomoko wipes the mud out of her eyes and stares at Beatrice.
"You… don't like me?"
Beatrice pauses for a moment. Before seemingly changing her mind.
"No! No. I'm not falling for the sentimental stuff again. Goodbye."
She places a hand on the doorknob and is about to turn in when she hears Tomoko weeping again. This time theirs no loud overdramatic wails, just a subtle tearful lament.
"I thought I made a friend."
Beatrice signs wearily and turns back to her.
"Look, you don't want me as a friend alright?"
Tomoko looks up surprised.
"I'm not one of the nice one's." Beatrice says. "No one on my team is besides Dipper. And he's kind of a loser."
"What about the Platypus?" Tomoko asks.
"Does he even count?" Beatrice asks.
Cut to the Lounge.
Perry looks betrayed.
Cut back to Beatrice.
"Anyway, I'm not a good person. I'm just trying to work off some bad karma. Honestly you probably better not being friends with me anyway."
"Oh. I understand." Tomoko says sadly. Beatrice hesitates again then looks around.
"But I guess I can't leave you stuck, here can I?" She asks.
"It's fine." Tomoko says. "Just leave me. I can handle it."
She grits her teeth and pulls at one of her legs, it pops out of the mud with a wet sucking sound. Tomoko looks up at Beatrice proudly and tries to stand. Only to face plants back into the muck.
She rolls over spitting up the foul stuff. "I promise I've got it." She coughs.
Beatrice rolls her eyes.
"I can get you out of there, but you have to listen to me this time. Understand?"
"Yes ma'am!" Tomoko says obeisantly.
Beatrice smiles wryly. "That's better. Now, give me your hands I'm going to pull you out okay?"
Tomoko nods quickly, and obediently sticks out her hands.
"On three, okay?" Beatrice says. One. Two. Three!"
She pulls as hard as she can, this time, Tomoko stays rigid as a statue, until finally both her legs are free.
"I, Um… Thanks. I can leave you alone now." She says embarrassedly.
"It's fine. We can stick together." Beatrice says.
Tomoko looks up hopefully. "We can?"
"We are both going the same way. I think at this point it'd be more effort to try and split up." Beatrice admits resignedly.
They trudge back through the rest of the swamp.
"I'm lucky to have meet you." Tomoko says.
Beatrice looks at her grimly. "I don't know if I believe that. But hopefully that means your luck is changing, maybe then we'll start getting better rooms."
Tomoko smiles weakly "Just so long as we don't have another room full of..."
They open the door. The next room's an ancient Egyptian style temple with a mountain of sand blocking the door.
Both ladies wail in despair.
Cut to team Peachy.
Speaking of sand, theirs plenty where Peach, Markus and Fluttershy are as well, though fortunately none obstructs the way. They're in a large close space with a sandy floor and a ceiling made of the roots and tubers of some vast unknown plant life. Since their encounter with the strange liquid things have been largely uneventful for them. Markus's taken to asking the ladies questions to past the time.
"Peachy how the hell do you move around so easily in that ballgown all the time?" He says to Peach. "That **** looks heavy as ****."
Peach smiles politely. "A princess has her ways Markus. Speaking of clothing, do you want your old outfit back?"
"Nah, I think I'm good." Markus says, still wearing the wig and suit. "This new looks pretty fire actually. Plus, now we match."
Peach giggles. "We do, don't we?"
"Aight, next question." Markus says. "Uh. If you're in charge the Mushroom Kingdom, why are you still a princess?"
"Why wouldn't I be a princess?" Peach asks.
"It's just uh, you know. I thought you're supposed to queen in that case." Markus says. "Isn't that how it works Flutters?"
"Actually, back home in Equestria we're led by a whole bunch of princesses. One of which is a very good friend of mine." Fluttershy says.
Markus shrugs. "Aight. Never mind."
They cross into a new room. They stand at the entrance of a massive indoor play place, everything in sight is coloured in bright primary colours and smells strongly of rubber and foam.
"Oh isn't this place delightful, but whatever is it for?" Peach says.
Fluttershy looks around uncertainly. "I don't know."
Markus's face lights up with childlike glee.
"Yo! YO! I remember these from the ****** nineties yo. Have you ladies never seen one of these?"
Peach smiles. "No, but judging how fond you seem of this place, I believe we're in for a treat."
"Peachy you got no idea." Markus says. "Let's ****** do this `**** yo. Take you're shoes off."
He picks up a laundry bag off the ground and drops his sneakers into it, Peach sits down and hands him a par of red pumps. Markus stares at them.
"Uh hold up, you walked all this way in heels?"
"Yes, why do you ask?" She says.
Markus looks almost dazed for a moment before shaking his head.
"You are a machine Peachy. "
Cut to the Lounge.
Lapis Lazuli walks into the room from the left door, she looks exhausted.
"Finally." She sighs.
"Yo Lapis!" Amethyst calls. "Welcome the party!"
Lapis looks around, the rooms starting to ready get crowed, with most of the other two teams and the ship crew now lounging about. Although of course not a single other member of her team.
"Wait, are we in last place?" She asks.
"You are." Wednesday corrects her.
"Well to be fair nothings set in stone yet." Rodney says encouragingly. "But you are the first of your team to arrive and both other teams only have one remaining member each left in the maze."
"So, we lost then." Lapis say.
Rodney hestates. "Theirs's a chance yes, but also a chance that the algorithm-"
"Oh, so we lost because of a random algorithm." Lapis says shortly. She flops down on the crowed couch and pouts. "What a stupid challenge."
"Well My dear, the intend was it was supposed to about the journey not the destination." Rodney says. "That was the point of my algorithm."
"Well your algorithms gonna let the same people win who always win!" Lapis snaps.
Doof smiles. "Yeah, it's true. We're a great team."
"Only reason we haven't won yet is because Beatrice was stupid enough to try and babysit that dumbass hikikomori girl from Short N Spunky." Rick grumbles.
Roy nods. "Yes, it really was stupid of her to get bogged down by something so pointless."
He goes back to polishing the statue of David which he's drug with him into the lounge.
Cut to Beatrice and Tomoko.
Beatrice wipes her brow. "There, I think that's enough."
She and Tomoko have cleared away enough sand to reveal a trapdoor in the floor. The two of them are filthy, covered in muck, sand, and sweat.
"Aright. If the next room has more dirt, sand or anything else unpleasant we might need to wait a couple minutes so I can cry." Beatrice says seriously.
Tomoko whimpers. Of the two of them she's the dirtier, her rueful eyes shine through a mask of black earth and pale sand.
"Why must you jinx us?" She murmurs.
Beatrice sighs. "Here goes nothing."
She grabs the handle and pulls. The trapdoor remains stationary but the rest of the floor swings open, dropping the two girls.
"AH!"
They're submerges in water for a moment before Beatrice resurfaces. They've landed in a duck pond, surrounded by pleasant green hills, a torrential warm summer downpour deluges upon them from the heavens, without any sign of the temple they had just came from.
"Well, I guess this is marginally better." She concedes. "Assuming we both can-"
Tomoko resurfaces next to her, failing in panic as usual.
"I CAN'T SWIM!"
"Of course, you can't."
She grabs Tomoko by the waist and pulls her to swore. A pair of mandarin ducks quack indignantly as they do. The light of another doorway glows from the top of the hill.
Tomoko looks deeply embarrassed. "Um... T-thank you for saving my life… again."
"Don't mention it." Beatrice says dismissively. "Now here, wait."
Beatrice pauses to run her fingers through her hair, letting the rain message the dirt and grime off her scalp.
"There, now if only we could do something about our clothes." She says.
They walk into the next room, washing machines, line the walls.
Beat.
"Wow." Tomoko says quietly.
"About time our luck starts turning around." Beatrice says, somewhere between contempt and relief.
Tomoko sighs. "Just our luck we can't use theAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Beatrice has just finished pulling her turquoise regency gown over her head, she looks around as if expecting to be attacked.
"What!?"
Tomoko looks mortified. "You're indecent!"
"Relax, it's just a chemise and stay." Beatrice says.
She pulls at her outfit, its white cotton dress hemmed at her knees and loose corset like garment of the same material, stained slightly from the waist down due to their day's transgressions.
"But it's your underwear." Tomoko says.
"I guess." Beatrice says indifferently. "What does it matter? We're both girls."
Tomoko blushes. "But don't you find it… Lewd?"
Beatrice glares at her. "Gross Tomoko. Why do have to be freaky about everything?"
Tomoko looks away. "I'm sorry. I just down know how to be confident about myself like you."
"I'm not confident about myself." Beatrice says. "Not really. It's just a got turned in a bird a little while ago and I'm still getting used to the whole nudity taboo again. "
Cut to the Lounge.
"It's true, she sleeps in the nude." Rick says.
"And sleepwalks." Doof adds. "You had to give you those sleeping pills to help her get over that remember?
"Yes, thank goodness we fixed that." Dipper says blushing.
Cut back to the girls.
Tomoko stares at Beatrice. "You we're a bird?"
"Yes, but it's kind of long story, and I don't like telling it." She says hesitantly.
Tomoko looks at her eagerly. Beatrice signs again.
"Fine. But take off your clothes."
"What!?"
"You heard me." She says. "They're filthier than that weird mind of yours. Give them to me so we can clean them.
Tomoko makes a couple strange sounds but complies perhaps a little too eagerly as once she's gotten off her school uniform, she starts unfastening her bra.
"Actually!" Beatrice says abruptly. "You can leave your underwear on. Turns out I'm better adjusted to being human again than I thought."
They dump their clothing into a machine. Tomoko looks at her expectedly.
"Okay." Beatrice sighs. "So, a while ago a threw a stone at a bluebird, it cursed me and my whole family to be bluebirds, and I almost sold two lost brothers into slavery trying to a way to reverse the spell."
"You threw a rock at a bird?" Tomoko says appalled.
"I already told you I'm not super nice remember?" Beatrice says defensively.
"You are to me."
"Yeah well… You don't know me that well."
Tomoko looks away. "I know you better than my teammates. They all think I'm a failure."
"Maybe they'd be nicer to you if you talked to them." Beatrice says.
"I can't I'm bad at it." Tomoko insists. "Ramona was going to teach me, but then they got rid of her."
"How can you be bad a talking to people?" Beatrice asks. "It's easy."
"It's impossible!" Tomoko cries. "I've had over 50 years of dating experience with over 100 boys in otome games and I'm still not popular."
Beatrice gives a look. "Games? Like what? The kind Larry always talks about? Those games?"
Tomoko nods. Beatrice scoffs.
"Those don't count." She says.
Tomoko looks Heartbroken. "Really?"
"You can't get good at something through a simulation." Beatrice insists. "You have to practice talking to people in real life to get good at it."
"But…" Tomoko hugs her knees. "It's hard."
"It's not hard." Beatrice says firmly. "If you stopped overthinking things and relaxed, you'd probably find it would come a lot easier to you. You're already talking to me better."
Tomoko looks up. "You think so?"
Beatrice shrugs. "Yeah, well. You're less annoying at least if that counts as anything."
Tomoko smiles modestly.
"I know you don't agree, but I really do think you're nice."
Beatrice smiles. Tomoko's expression darkens. "At least nicer than all those ***** at my school."
"Okay." Beatrice says delicately. "Let's work on not silently resenting people around us next."
Cut to Janna's team.
Back with Janna's team, Janna herself carries on her one-woman rampage. She walks through a giant pillow fort, slicing open pillows with a smirk of passive joy plastered on her visage. Her compatriots watch other hand seem to be wearily. Athena pale gray eyes in particular stalk the girl like an owl tracking a field mouse.
"I'm not telling her, you tell her." Yae says firmly.
Athena nods resolvedly. "Very well."
"Tell me what?" Janna asks turning around.
"Janna could we perhaps focus on getting out of here a bit more pragmatically?" Athena asks.
Janna looks at her blankly. "Why?"
"We don't seem to be going about things very strategically." Athena says.
Janna shrugs. "Really? I didn't notice. I've been having to much fun."
"Yes. That's the problem." Athena says firmly.
They pass into a room that causes the three of them to take pause for a moment. They've entered a medieval-esque scriptorium, lit by candlelight and stain glass windows. Seated at desk's all around them are monks, busy transcribing tomes onto fresh parchment. Seemingly the first native entities they've meet here in the Rodney house.
"Are they real?" Yae asks after a minute.
Janna walks over and flicks one on the side of its head. The distinct ring of hollow metal greats their ears.
"Sounds like their robots or whatever." She says.
Athena walks through the room and approached an entity seated near the far wall in front of a door. The monk here looks far more ancient than its counterparts.
"Greetings Scholar." She proclaims. "I am Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and Warfare, daughter of Zeus of Olympus. What must I and my mortal compatriots do to past through here?"
The monk looks up from his work, mechanically.
"Only those who answer my riddle correctly can pass."
"Well enough." Athena says. "Pose your riddle when ready automaton."
"Only one colour, but not one size,
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
Present in sun, but not in rain,
Doing no harm, and feeling no pain.
What is it?"
Athena laughs confidently. "Simple it's-"
"Boring!" Janna shouts.
She swings her sword and decapitates the machine. It's headless body slumps over in its chair.
Athena looks at her appalled. "What on Earth!?"
But Janna's not listening she's already pushed past the desk and bolted through to the door behind them. The other two follow her indignantly. They're now in a completely normal underground parkade, full of sports carts. Janna still laughing.
"There was no point to that!" Athena shouts.
"We're team rulebreakers remember?" Janna smirks.
Athena glares her dangerously. "I accompanied you because I wasn't opposed to bending morals for the sake of a good strategy. But that was rule breaking for the sake of rule breaking. "
"It got us out of there quicker didn't it?" Janna insists.
There's a hard knock at the doors of the scriptorium. The two women go silent.
"You don't think they're mad, do you?" Yae asks.
There's a tremendous sound and the door splinters in two, enraged monks begin piling out.
"So, it certainly appears." Athena says.
Janna smiles. "Awesome more things to kill."
She charges at the nearest monk, and lodges her sword in its chest. The machine merely looks at her with mild bemusement.
"Okay change of plan." Janna says. "RUN!"
The monks bare down of them, each of them drawing their hands and revealing sharp metal claws in the place of fingernails. Athena attempts to spear one but it proves just as ineffective, she turns and runs with the Janna, Yae right behind them.
"Was this worth you moment of fun?" Athena asks.
"Totally." Janna says. "Hurry up they're gaining on us."
That they are. Befitting their robotic nature, the machine monks seem to have superhuman dexterity, chasing the trio through room after room relentlessly. An old Islamic courtyard, the cabin of a Spanish Galleon swaying with the waves and a beautiful Indian stepwell, one without another door.
"Great!" Janna says.
"Now what?" Yae asks.
Cut to Team Peachy.
The three crawl along the inside of a bring orange plastic tube, with clear windows along its side.
"Markus, you don't know when this tube will end do you?" Fluttershy asks.
Markus scratches his head. "***** I don't know, uh. They weren't this long when I was a kid."
"At least we have a nice view of the outside." Peach says cheerfully.
"Yo another thing. The whole ****** point of these things is that there supposed to be inside."
"We are still technically in that nice squirrel's house." Fluttershy says.
"Aight." Markus says. He looks out the window. "But what's with this temple thing…. Wait **** that's Janna."
"Janna?" Fluttershy and Peach ask.
Sure, enough their plastic play place tub is suspended in midair over the stepwell.
"Oh my, It's the others." Peach gasps. "And they're in danger.
The three-start pounding on the tube. The others look up.
"It's the others!" Athena says.
"Okay how did we not notice that?" Janna asks.
"Never mind that!" Athena says. "This way!"
She leads them up the stepwell, the monks in fast pursuit.
"Come and get us you Machaneus Menaces!" She shouts.
The monk Janna had earlier impaled tears her sword from its chest and hurls it at Athena. She catches it expertly and laughs.
"Perfect!" She calls up to the others. "STAND BACK!"
She hurls the sword herself. It cleaves through the tube and a section buckles behind the other three, creating a path up into it.
Janna laughs triumphantly. "Alright! Violence saves the day again."
Athena glares at her. "Hurry and get in!"
Janna and Yae quickly tear off their shoes and with some difficulty scramble up the slick plastic. Peach Markus and helping them with the final bit.
Janna smirks as Peach helps her up. "You're welcome for bringing the excitement by the way."
Peach gives her an indignantly. "Janna I-"
"Yo can we talk about that later?" Markus interrupts. "Those ******* you pissed off are coming up."
The monks are managing to shimmy their way up the slide.
"Crap! Throw something at them!" Janna shouts.
"***** Theirs nothing up here to throw!" Markus says.
"Then crawl!"
And so, in a moment of tonal dissonance only possible in such a surreal environment, The Flower Girls turn around and start crawling as fast as they can through the plastic tube away from the soulless approaching army of automaton holy men.
"What did you ever do to make them so mad?" Fluttershy asks.
"Janna sliced off one of their heads." Yae says causally.
"Janna!" Peach cries.
"Hey!" Janna shouts. "We agreed we we're both gonna let the other do things their way alright? Well my way is chopping up any obstacle I see."
"And what great results has that got us." Athena says.
"Whose side are you on anyway?" Janna asks her.
"After this catastrophe, not yours." Athena assures her..
Yae nods.
Janna glares at them. "Traitors!"
They finally reach the end of tube, they're now in a small room made of the same plastic material with the top of a set of waterslides leading down into the unknown.
"What do we do?" Fluttershy asks.
Athena looks around. "Quick, get in that waterslide before those things kill you."
"****** That's something I never thought I'd hear someone say." Markus says.
They hear the monks scrambling through the pipe behind them.
"Just go!" Athena commands.
They pile into the top nearest slide. It's a metal and plastic capsule with a trapdoor that leads to the actual slide itself.
"We can't all fit in that." Yae says.
"Then we'll go two at a time." Says Athena. "Yae. You and the Pegasus go first."
Yae nods and climbs into the capsule with Fluttershy. Athena presses a button that sends them down and out of sight.
"Peach and Janna!" She calls.
The next two scramble in.
"Ready?" Athena asks.
Peach nods. "Ready."
"Oh crap!" Janna feels her head. "My hat!"
"Janna not again!" Athena cries.
Too late. The girl's scrambled out of the capsule towards the dropped graduate cap she had stolen from Professor Pester. Before she reaches it, the monks start pouring into the room. One grabs the hat.
"HEY!" Janna yells.
"Janna!" Peach cries.
With surprising agility, she leaps out of the capsule and runs towards Janna.
"Yo Peach! Get back here!" Markus calls after her.
"Leave without us." She cries. "We'll be right behind you."
Athena gives a look. "But Princess-"
A monk lets out an ear-piercing shriek and lunges at the goddess. She just barely leaps out of the way. The monk crashes into the capsule, damaging it and disabling itself
Athena sighs. "I hope you know what you're doing Princess."
She grabs Markus and leaps down the now broken trapdoor.
The monks are now baring down on Janna who's standing here ground.
"Give me back my hat freaks!"
"Janna please!" Peach pleads. "Leave the hat, it's not worth it!"
"Yeah, like I'm about to let a Princess goody two shoes lecture me about clothes." Janna says shortly. "Just give me the hat already, why do you even need it."
The monk in front of her let's out another shriek and raises its metal talons.
"Look out!" Peach says and she dives in front of Janna. The metal creature slashes at her, knocking her back. She tumbles into Janna and the two girls fall down into the chute of another slide, tumbling out of sight.
The others slide down their slide, gaining speed rapidly as they zoom through a striped blue and red pipe. Fluttershy's shrieking so loud, that Markus and Athena can hear her clearly further down the pipe.
"WHEN DOES IT END!?" Fluttershy shrieks.
The top of the chute opens up, revealing, them to be high above an endless expanse of sand dunes, the slide leads right to the surface, where another trapdoor stands waiting for them.
"I've got a feeling we're about to fine out." Markus calls fearfully.
"HOLD ON!" Athena cries.
The four of them brace for impact. They shoot through the door at top speed, it bursts open and they slide across a carpeted room and crash into another door, knocking a coffee table and three statues out of the way. There's a cacophony of outraged noises, Athena, being immortal recovers quickly and looks around. They've just slid into the lounge, much to the distress of everyone in it.
"OH NO! NO! NO!" Conner shouts. "THE HELL!"
"****! MY BACK!" Markus yells.
Conner stares at him in shock. "Good lord! What an Entrance! What are you Flowers Girls trying to do?" He gestures to Rodney. "Destroy this poor squirrel's whole house!?"
"That's alright Conner." Rodney says slightly embarrassed. "It's my bad. I should have anticipated an exit like this. Are you all alright?"
Fluttershy, Yae, and Markus let out a chorus of pained noises.
Athena gets up and brushes herself off. "They'll be fine. Where's the others? Janna and Peach should be right behind us."
The left door's handle wiggles and she looks over eagerly.
It swings open and a very tired Beatrice and Tomoko stubble out.
"Oh, sweet goodness It's finally over." Beatrice sighs.
Tomoko cheers wearily.
"And surprises keep coming!" Conner exclaims. "Just like that. Team's Short N Spunky, and the Fact Hunters Tie for first place!"
"They did?" Fluttershy asks.
"We did!?" Tomoko says taken aback.
"COME ON!" Lapis shouts.
Short N Spunky cheers. The Fact Hunters nod affirmatively to one another as Conner tosses both a Chris statue.
Amethyst catches her team's statue and smirks and Tomoko
"Good news kid. You got lucky this time."
"Yeah, but you're gonna have to try harder next time." Yao tells her.
"I will. I promise." Tomoko says stiffly.
She manages to smile back at them. Her team seems impressed. Lapis Lazuli Grumbles.
"This challenge sucks. We should have had that."
"Yes." Fluttershy says distractedly. She flutters over to Rodney concerned. "Are Peach and Janna okay?"
"They're fine. I assure you." Rodney says. "They managed to get down a slide, unfortunately just not the one that leads here to us."
"Well the games over. All the other teams have all the members out, so pull 'em out and we'll do an elimination vote." Conner says.
Rodney chortles.
"Conner my dear man. That's not how it works. I can't override my house."
"What do you mean you can't override your house?" Conner asks skeptically. "You're the one that built it."
"I consider it more of a discovery than an invention really." Rodney says.
"Fine." Conner says. "Shadow, old buddy, you grab them."
Shadow looks over his beverage at Conner. "I'm not going in there."
Conner looks fluster. "Well, that's just… Someone… This is ridiculous. You guys seriously mean, we can't get those two out until the house spits him back out?" He demands.
"Again. Don't be too concerned." Rodney insists. "Worst case. You'll have your contested back in at most week."
"What!?" Conner cries.
"Maybe two weeks." Rodney admits.
"Rodney I'm a busy man." Conner says. "I can't just sit around for a week waiting to wrap up a challenge that's already technically over. I-I mean what are we even all supposed to do while we're waiting."
Beat.
"Is that Peach vs Janna bet still going?" Yao asks causally.
To be continued.