After the heart-wrencher that was the last Gravesen Guardian chapter, I decided to post something much more fun.
Aira:
Nick forgot his mom's birthday. Well, he claimed it technically wasn't forgetting since it was still two days away, but Matt still counted it. He always started thinking about his dad's birthday a month in advance, but he only had the one family member to keep track of compared to Nick's three. That was why he gave in when Nick begged him to help pick out a card, and how they found themselves in the aisle that blind people were least equipped to peruse on their own. Matt pulled a card out at random only to discover it was an envelope.
"What are we gonna do?" Nick bemoaned.
"We could ask someone who works here to help," Matt proposed reluctantly. Neither of them liked asking for help, but oftentimes it was necessary.
"I don't really want to. Besides, it'll take forever to find one."
"We could call Aira." Matt had done it before, when he couldn't find an employee to help him.
"Who is that?"
"It's not a who, it's a what."
"Okay, what is Aira?"
"It's basically on-call sighted people who can describe things for you."
"So it is a who?"
"I mean, yeah, the person you talk to is a who, but it's a different person every time."
"Are they all named Aira?"
"No, that's the name of the app. Do you want to try it or not?"
"Sure, why not?"
Matt grabbed his phone and called an Aira agent. A voice answered on the second ring. "Thank you for calling Aira, this is Taylor speaking, how can I help you?"
"We're trying to buy a birthday card for my friend's mom."
Taylor told them the birthday cards were all on the left side of the aisle. Nick told her generally what he wanted for the card, and she described a few that fit the bill. He ultimately chose one that was three across and six down.
"Thanks for your help," Matt said amicably before hanging up.
"Whoever invented that deserves a Nobel Prize."
"I agree one hundred percent."
"But you know what would be really fun?" Nick asked, a mischievous lilt to his voice.
"I'm listening."
"We call up one of these Aira people and troll the hell out of them."
"Nick, you're a genius."
~0~
"You're sure it's completely dark?" Nick asked.
"Yes," Dawn repeated. They needed a sighted person to verify that their setting would actually work for this prank, and Dawn had volunteered on one condition: she got to witness the person's reaction. They'd gathered in the basement laundry room in Matt's building, since Dawn reported it was darker than the Furys'.
"Are we ready?" Matt asked.
"Let's do it."
The rapid voiceover read out a few other apps as Matt tapped his phone looking for the Aira app. He double tapped on the right one and initiated the call. It rang only twice before someone picked up.
"Hello, thank you for calling Aira. This is Kayla speaking, how can I help you?"
Nick was already choking back laughter, but Matt ignored him as he responded in a perfectly level tone. "Hi Kayla. I'm here with a blind friend of mine and we're trying to find our way in this laundry room. You see, we're, uh...we're teenagers who have only recently been tasked with washing our own clothes, and in a moment of utterly stereotypical rebelliousness we declined any offer of assistance or instruction."
Kayla laughed at this long-winded explanation, which made Matt smile proudly. "I can probably help with that. First, can you show me the room?"
Matt turned in a circle.
"Is your camera working properly?"
"Yes, my sighted friend took some pictures earlier today and I'm told they turned out great."
"Is it covered by something?"
"No."
"Hmm...all I see is dark."
"Me too," Matt huffed. "I thought this app connected me to sighted people?"
"I'm sighted, sir, I assure you, but wherever you are, there's no light."
"Are you sure? I flicked the switch on my way in."
"I'm sure. Maybe flick it again. If it's wired to two switches, flicking it up can actually turn a light off."
"Wait, really?" Matt knew that–he'd been sighted the first nine years of his life after all–but it was much funnier to pretend he didn't. "That explains why my electric bill was so high last month."
Kayla laughed. So did both Nick and Dawn, but they were trying valiantly to keep it quiet enough that Kayla couldn't hear from over the phone.
"Okay I flicked it again," Matt announced after doing no such thing.
"I still can't see anything."
"Here I was telling people that blindness isn't contagious."
Nick lost control of his laughter. Dawn soon followed. Matt whacked him in the shoulder to get him to shut up, but that only made him laugh harder.
"Sir, what's happening over there?"
"Thanks for your help, Kayla," Matt said hurriedly. He managed to hit the hang up button on the first try. "You guys," he said, now laughing with them. "You couldn't hold it together for two more minutes?"
"Sorry, Matt. You should be glad I held on through the electric bill bit. That shit was hilarious."
"Thank you. I came up with it on the fly."
"Impressive, man. When can we do this again?"
~0~
They ultimately waited three weeks before once again abusing an assistive app for their own amusement. They hoped that would be enough time for Kayla to forget their voices, in case they ended up connecting to the same agent. Nick also had to call in a favor from Tony.
"Well, here they are," Tony said as the elevator opened onto the garage floor. "I'm gesturing grandly at the obscene number of automobiles contained in this space, by the way."
"The description is much appreciated," Matt said. He didn't know many people that remembered to describe body language for him; it made him feel much more involved in an interaction.
"Now which one's the flashiest?" Nick asked.
"Probably the Audi R8."
"Lead the way."
Tony told them all about the specs of the car on the way over. He preferred to guide with his voice rather than his arm, and that was fine with Matt.
"You won't actually be driving, right?" Tony confirmed. "Because if this gets so much as a scratch, my heart will no longer be the most likely thing to kill me."
Matt barked out a laugh. He was used to having the darkest sense of humor–pun one hundred percent intended–but Nick's Gravesen friends gave him a run for his money. Matt recovered and told Tony, "Not to worry. We're only interested in forcing a good Samaritan to question their morals."
"That's a cause I can get behind. Here are the keys." He held them out and jingled them until Nick grabbed them. "Best of luck."
Nick grinned. "Thanks, Tony." He turned to Matt. "Who's driving?"
"I think you should do the honors."
"Sounds good to me."
Matt felt his way to the passenger's side door and listened to Nick do the same. They folded up their canes and tossed them to the floor at Matt's feet.
Someone picked up Nick's call on the third ring, a man this time. "Thank you for calling Aira, this is Devin speaking. How can I help you?"
"I'm here with my good friend and we could use a little help navigating."
Matt assumed Nick was pointing the camera at him, so he gave a cheeky smile and wave.
"Sure thing."
"First things first, where do I put these?" He jiggled the keys.
"There's a slot on the right side of the steering column, about a foot or so in front of your hand."
Matt was shocked by Devin's lack of hesitation. The engine leapt to life with a pleasant rumble as Nick got the keys in place.
"Okay, tell me when I'm in drive."
Now Devin hesitated. "Where are you planning to go?" he asked.
"I don't know. Matt, what were you thinking?"
"We hit Route 66 and don't stop until Vegas."
"Good idea. Devin, which way to Vegas?"
"I'm afraid I can't direct you on a full-blown road trip. Having a sighted guide doesn't make it legal for you to drive, and I'll bet there's some liability that would come back to me if I even tried. Sorry, man."
"You're right. Thanks, Devin." He hung up.
"What do you think he would've done if the car started moving?" Matt asked.
"I have no idea. But I'm not exactly willing to find out when Tony's life is on the line."
"What if it was my life?"
"I'd be halfway to Vegas already."
~0~
Matt listened to Nick pressing the letters of his Braille Pop-It. It had been a gift from Frank for his most recent birthday. The guy had been so sheepish about the present, worried that it was offensive to get him something related to blindness rather than something related to Matt's interests, but he had a Pop-It of his own that he used nonstop during school and he genuinely thought Matt would like it. And he did. Since Matt wasn't born blind, he didn't exhibit "blindisms" the way many congenitally blind kids did, but he still found himself understimulated most of the time. Fidget toys helped some, and they were socially acceptable to do in public. But his preferred method of balancing out his brain was to hold a flashing light-up toy right up against his face and rock back and forth. However, he never dared to do that in front of anybody except his dad and Nick. They were the only people he knew wouldn't judge him for it.
"I should really get one of these for myself," Nick remarked.
"You should," Matt agreed. "Do you wanna do something other than just sit here?" After nearly twenty minutes of fidgeting in silence, he was ready for something more social.
"I'm lying down actually."
"Whatever. I knew that."
"What do you want to do?"
Matt chuckled. "Something my dad wouldn't approve of."
"Get into a fistfight in a dark alley?"
"What? No. Why would I want to do that?"
Nick made a noncommittal grunt. "What did you have in mind?"
"Have you ever been on Tinder?"
"No."
"Me neither."
"You want to look for a date?"
"Not exactly." Matt pulled out his phone and downloaded Tinder. It took a ridiculously long time to set up a profile because the app wasn't very VoiceOver friendly, but they got there eventually. Matt's profile photo, however, came from his phone's camera roll. "Jessica took most of these," he explained. "I have no idea what any of them are."
"So you could be accidentally impersonating some random person from our school?"
"Maybe."
"Devious."
"Now you get out your phone and call Aira."
"Are we going to ask them what your profile picture is?"
"No, we're going to ask them to help us swipe."
"Wait, what? I thought we were going to read the bios."
"Nobody swipes on Tinder based on bios. At least, that's what Jessica told me. They only look at the pictures."
"So we're going to ask some poor Aira agent to tell us who's hot and who's not."
"Yes."
"I love the way you think."
"Thank you."
Nick called an Aira agent, and Matt cringed when he heard a woman's voice answer the phone. In his experience, most Aira agents were women, but he'd been hoping for a man because that felt somewhat less horrible considering what they were going to ask of the person. "Thank you for calling Aira, this is Shaylee. What are you doing today?"
Matt stepped in, knowing Nick would not be able to explain without laughing, which would give the gag away. "My friend and I are online dating, and unfortunately there's no image description on Tinder."
Shaylee didn't even hesitate. She laughed and gave an enthusiastic, "Alright."
Nick aimed his camera at Matt's phone and they waited for Shaylee to speak again.
"She has curly blonde hair, but it doesn't look like real blonde," Shaylee described. "Her eyes are brown, and she's wearing light pink lipstick. She's not smiling though, it's one of those sexy pout faces."
Matt and Nick both started laughing. "Is it a swipe right or left?" Nick asked.
"Left."
They went through at least a dozen girls before Nick and Matt tired of Shaylee's descriptions. "Thank you so much for your help, Shaylee," Matt said warmly.
"You're welcome. I hope you get a match or two."
Neither of them had the heart to tell her they had no intention of actually dating any of these women. Matt had exaggerated his age by about ten years when he made the profile, so anyone who matched with him was in for quite the surprise if they actually met up.
"Have a nice night. Thanks again," Nick said.
"Bye."
As soon as they hung up the call, they both burst out laughing, so loudly that Matt didn't even hear his dad get home. He came into the room to find them both practically rolling on the floor. "What have you boys been up to?" he asked.
Neither of them even dared to answer.
Yes, Aira is a real app. No, this is probably not ethical use of it. Nick and Matt are high-school boys and high-school boys do stupid things sometimes.