Total Drama Endless, Episode Seven, Part Three
...
Somewhere deep inside the Rodney House, a flooded salt flat reflects back a perfect azure sky. The horizon stretches out even with an uninterrupted uniformity. The only thing that stands out is a group of weathered looking old doors. Some stand upright perfectly, others are buried half way up in the ground, others still suspended in the end by wires that lead off into the sky. All of them unconnected to any structure but still they stand, facing an orange chute. The end of a waterslide that stretches into the heavens. A noise can be heard from the tube, soft at first than louder and louder until two female figures spill out from the end and land in the ankle-deep water. They're Janna Ordonia and Princess Peach, two notable members of the Flower Girls.
Peach get's up and looks around. "Oh, my stars! That was the single most violent warp pipe I've ever been in. Janna are you alright?"
Janna pulls herself out of the water laughing.
"No way, total rush! Wonder if we could do it again"
Peach smiles pleasantly at her then sets about untangling her hair. "It was rather exhilarating. And thank goodness we got away from those thugs. Janna you need to learn to be less impulsive in the future."
Janna feels the top of her head and frowns. "Ah man, we let those guys get away with my hat. Be right back."
She tries to climb back up the slide.
"Janna where are you going?"
"Back to the top, what does it look like?" Says Janna, already up the tunnel and out of sight.
Peach suddenly looks alarmed. "You're not planning on fighting those machines, again are you? We've only just gotten away." She calls up the tunnel. "Besides we need to stick together."
"Uh oh! Look out!"
She hears Janna slip and a moment later she shoots back down the tube crashing into to Peach and sending both of them flying back out of the slide.
Janna lands on top of her. "Hey thanks for the soft landing Peachy."
"Your welcome." Croaks the Princess from somewhere beneath her.
A four-tone note draws their attention. They look around, the voice of their host Conner O'Gleeson begins booming from the heavens.
"…I can never tell when these things are on. Happens all the time on the ship, ask Jeremy. Oh, I think it's working. Hello ladies? It's Conner."
"Sup."
"Hello there."
"Oh good, you can hear me." Says Conner, sounding relieved.
"Yeah, what's up?" Asks Janna.
"Well Ladies sorry to say it but you're the only two that haven't finished yet."
"We're the last one's left?" Says Janna.
"Then it seems neither of our methods of escape worked." Peach sounds slightly disappointed for a moment before perking up again. "I suppose that puts an end to our bet Janna."
"Yeah, to make things simpler I'd say you both should stick together from now on." Agrees Conner, though he sounds more dishonest than usual "Wouldn't want you guys having a rivalry distracting you from escaping."
"Conner, are you well? You're sounding strange." Asks Peach.
"Who me?" Says Conner. "I'm sick with worry about my girls making it home. Fluttershy, Perry, Jeffrey and Rodney were nice enough to wait by the door for you. Rest of us will be on the ship. Try and hurry back will ya? We've all got places to be."
Peach gives the heavens her most resolved look. "You can count on us! We'll be back before you know it."
"Alright good luck ladies." Another note signals the end of whatever transmission Conner was speaking through.
"Okay Janna. It sounds like it's going to be the two of us again."
Peach looks around Janna's already disappeared again.
"Janna?"
"Down here."
Peach looks two at her feet, Janna's lying down, floating on the salty water, looking very relaxed.
"You heard the man Peachy. Pressures off, we already lost. Let's chill for a while."
"But Janna, we don't want to keep the other contestants waiting. Why what will they do to past the time?"
Cut to the Wax Lip Ship.
The entire cast and crew have gathered in the crew quarters. A live feed of Peach and Janna's being projected onto the front window. In the corner of the room, Conner, Rick, Roy, Lenny and Yerdey have set up an informal betting table.
"Sorry about that guys." Conner sits down again. "I had to tell them to stick together for legal reasons, but I mean, don't let that get in the way of the betting."
"Conner, are you certain it wouldn't have been better if you had told them to keep it up?" Asks Lenny.
"Do you tell the racehorses who's the favorite to win Lenny?" Rick asserts. "Of course not, make it that much more interesting when they don't know they're competing."
Shadow the Hedgehog walks over with arms full of snacks. "Earlier it was just a race, now anything could happen."
Conner looks over at him. "Shadow you're still planning on sticking around until end?"
"I've got a bet going, don't I? Besides, it's good to have a me day for once without having to worry about- "
The door slams open. Timmy Turner stands there blackened with soot.
"Hey guys!"
Shadow looks horrified "Timmy!"
Cut to the Rodney House.
The two girls make their way through an abandoned technology store, grown wild with plant life and with Neolithic paintings scrawled on the walls.
Peach marches along at a dainty little saunter, Janna follows behind her disinterestedly.
"Hurry along now Janna."
"You're giving up the chance for a serious chill day you know." Complains her teammate.
She picks up a rock and throws it at a display of televisions, they fall to the floor with a stratifying crash revealing a door behind them.
"Ah sweet! Shortcut."
She walks through and finds herself in a hydroponics lab filled with strange alien plants. She pokes one particularly swollen bulb with her finger. It puffs up then shoots a jet up corrosive acid two meters.
"Rad."
"There you are!"
Peach appears behind her and grabs her hand, dragging her out of the room.
"Wait, this place is cool!" Says Janna.
"You can't be running off like this. Conner told us to stick together." Peach scolds.
She drags her through a door into the throne room of an old Chinese palace, with red pillars and a golden throne. The place is immaculate, but its floor is overgrown with weeds. Janna pulls herself free of Peach and tries the door they just came out of. Rather than the hydroponics lab it now leads to a tunnel carved of solid gold.
"Aw, come on! That place would have been cool hang around and you know it."
"Janna, we have to get back."
"For what?" Demands Janna. "What are looking forward to back on the ship? Getting to vote someone off? Finding out that Fact Hunters won again?"
"We only know we're last." Peach explains "For all we know those Short and Spunky fellows came in first."
Janna casts an aside glance at the audience.
The walk into wine cellar, Janna knocks several bottles off their racks. Her patience with Peach waning.
"I thought you liked this place. What changed? You mad at it for ripping your dress?"
Peach stops walking abruptly so that Janna walks into her. She turns to face Janna looking pale.
"What?"
"Yeah, one of those robot monk guys got you with his claws back here."
She points to the helm of Peach's gown, theirs a large tear in the back. Peach's eyes go wide.
"But… That can't be! That's Impossible!"
"I think it's pretty believable." Janna says. Causally inspecting a particularly nice wine bottle then opening it "You wearing around so much, it was bound to happen sometime."
"No, you don't understand!" Exclaims Peach looking mortified. "It's the white magic! The power bestowed on me as princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. It's supposed to prevent things like this from happening!"
Janna sniffs her bottle of wine.
"Huh guess you lost your magic or something."
"I've never lost it before!" Cries Peach.
"Yeah, I hear a lot of people have been losing magic lately." Remarks Janna. "Guess you'll have to hire a tailor."
"It not my appearance I'm worried about." Says Peach.
Janna raises an eyebrow.
"… well mostly." Peach admits. "The magic also helps keep my kingdom safe. Without I fear my beloved subject are in great peril. Janna what are we going to do!?"
She starts to hyperventilate.
"Easy Peachy." Janna pats her on the back and walks her into the next room. A comfy game room with a puzzle on the coffee table.
"Sit down for and chill." She says. "It's cool alright. You've been out of your Kingdom before, right?"
Peach tries to collect herself. "Well yes, I may have been taken prisoner by Koopa's once…. Or twice… or a dozen times." She admits reluctantly.
"Boom, no problem then. Your little magic kingdom will be fine then."
"But I had the magic with me those times to restore everything to its normal glory."
"I mean if the magic can leave your kingdom it can leave you right?"
Peach looks confused. "It's never done so before. Why would it want to be rid of me?"
"No idea dude. Magic does as magic does." Say Janna, dryly.
Peach gives her a curious look. "Janna I must say you seem to know quite a bit about magic. I thought you were from somewhere without it like Markus."
Janna smirks. "Nah man, I had phase where I used to hang with a magical princess for a while."
"Really? However, did you meet?"
"It was a girl my age, went to my school for a while. Good times."
Peach smiles again. "Oh, how delightful Janna! Did she end up returning to her Kingdom? Have you kept in touch?"
The confident mask Janna's worn until now slips for a moment and for a fraction of a second, she looks scared as if reliving a terrible memory.
"Uh yeah…" She says voice cracking awkwardly. "Honestly, I don't know, I probably don't remember to much about her. Hey! Now that you've calmed down let's keep moving."
She grabs the nearest door handle. It's locked.
"Okay challenge room." She dumps out the puzzle in front of Peach "Try putting this together and see if that unlocks it. I'll search the rest of the room."
"Very well." Says Peach.
She gives Janna a look, suddenly more concerned for her than herself.
"Maybe you're right Janna. We can afford to rest for a while."
"That's right. Embrace the chill." Janna asserts.
Peach starts assembling the puzzle, but soon finds herself distracted by the sound of Janna tearing board games on the selves.
"Janna, would you possibly- "
"I don't know her name okay!? Don't ask me for it!"
"… I was just wondering whether you would like to help me with this?" Says Peach, gesturing to her puzzle.
Janna looks at her. "Oh…" She calms down slightly. "Uh yeah, I guess. Whatever."
She sits down next to Peach suddenly trying to look disinterested. But it's abundantly clear she's lost some of her swagger.
Cut to the Ship.
"Hidden depth!" Cries Peter, point at Janna on the screen. "Janna's got some hidden depth! Pay up Jones!"
"That doesn't count, she only teased it." Says Indy indignantly.
"Soon as they deny something, mean's their guaranteed to open up about later. That's the golden rule of space adventure soul searching Professor Jones." Says Peter, folding his arms.
"Yo! you heard the man! Pay up!" Says Amethyst.
Indy grumbles and hand a wad of cash to Rick, Peter, Amethyst and Lapis.
"Why I'm I even paying you two! You're aliens!" He askes the gems.
"If we didn't have a reason to want money, we wouldn't be on a gameshow." Asserts Lapis.
"Now make with the cash." Says Amethyst.
Indy grumbles and slams a stack of five-dollar bills into her hand.
Timmy leans over to Shadow. "Hey Shadow? What's depth?"
"It's that thing you don't have." Replies Shadow shortly.
"I thought that was pronounced dignity?"
"That too."
Behind them Rick, Roy and Yerdey observe the scene smugly.
"Business is good boys." Says Rick.
"Damn skippy." Replies Yerdey.
Roy thinks for a moment. "You know gentlemen, if expanded our operations into town and charged a cover fee we could make a proper racket off this thing."
Shadow smirks "You're underselling it. I've seen this whole town go wild over an ice cream cake."
Rick seem to mull it over "Knowing this system we could have everyone from here to Cheese Planet betting on this by noon."
"Lord Rick, you can't possibly want to get a whole solar system hooked on gambling." Says Conner. "You'd have to be some kind of morally bankrupted opportunist to actually want that."
There's a pause before Conner and the other three laughs uproariously, as does Shadow.
"No but seriously, don't try it." Says Shadow. "This place already has enough problems without a gambling addiction- Where's Timmy?"
Cut to Bikini Bottom.
Timmy's standing on a soap box at a busy street corner. He clears his throat then pulls a megaphone out of hammerspace.
"HEY GUYS! WHO WANTS TO GO WIN MONEY AT CONNER'S!?"
"OH BOY!"
Everyone stops what they're doing and stampedes towards the wax lip ship.
Cut to back to the game room.
"There. Now it's finished."
Peach places the final piece of their puzzle. The completed picture shows a single old fashion door key. As soon as Peach has placed the piece, they hear the door behind them unlock.
"What'd ya know? It worked." Says Janna. Single eyebrow raised.
"It's nice to do things as they intended sometimes isn't it?" Asks Peach.
Janna rolls her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Next room better be more interesting."
Peach merely smiles.
The walk through the door finding a towering gymnasium with knotted ropes, matted floors, A single trapdoor near the ceiling leading up to it, and rock-climbing walls. Janna nods.
"Alright, Little better."
She hops onto the nearest wall and starts to climb, struggling slightly.
"Would you like a hand?"
Janna looks up, despite her heavy pink ballgown Peach has managed to already climb twice as high as her.
"Dude, how are you even that fast in that dress?"
"Funny, Markus said the same thing."
Janna laughs and takes Peach's hand; they both shimmy up to the top of the room.
"Believe me, everyone's this nimble back home." Says the Princess. "Why you should see Mario."
Janna looks confused. "Mario? Who's he?"
"He's just… someone from back home. Someone I'm very grateful for." Peach sighs dreamily. "Dear Mario. My dashing hero in red."
Janna's eyes widen. Suddenly she loses her grip.
"WaaaAAAAHHH!"
"JANNA!" Cries Peach.
She catches the girl and pulls her up the trapdoor and into the next room. A massive indoor thermal bath. The air's heavy with warm steam and sweet perfume.
"Janna my word! What happened? I was worry you we're going to fall."
"I'm fine!" Janna pants. "Go back to what your saying about the Mario guy."
"That he's my hero?"
"Stay away from him!" Shouts Janna.
Peach looks taken aback. "What!? Janna! I... I don't understand! Where is this coming from?"
"Nothing! Nowhere! Just ditch him and don't look back!" She looks at Peach with uncharacteristic severity. "Blonde magical princesses shouldn't date men in red! Not unless he's a prince."
"No, but he has the manners of one."
"Yeah, No! No! No! Major red flag! Get rid of him! I know it'll hurt, but your subjects and kingdom come's first, got it?"
Peach looks hurt and confused. "Janna, I can't do that. What could you possibly have against my Mario? Why you haven't even meet him?"
"I knew people like him, alright?" Janna assures her.
"Janna, please calm down." Pleads Peach. "You're giving me an awful fright. Just come along, we'll find somewhere cozy, preferably with tea and pastries and we'll talk through this together."
Janna seems onboard with the idea for a moment, but something changes in her expressions and she recoils from Peach.
"Aaaah! No! Why do you people keep doing this me!?"
"Janna…"
"You start out so nice, and I let my guard down. Then… "She starts breathing heavily. "I was the one that did it! If I hadn't given Marco time to run to her maybe they wouldn't…"
She looks up at Peach fearful and takes another step away from her.
"I'm sorry… I can't be around you."
"Janna, wait!"
"I CAN'T GO THROUGHT THIS AGAIN!"
She pushes Peach in the pool and takes off running. Peach pulls herself back up, pulling her wet hair out of her eyes.
"JANNA!"
Peach looks around desperately. But Janna's vanished. Her only ally left in the house is gone.
Cut to the ship.
Rick counts a fresh stack of bills smugly.
" -I mean Conner. You knew they'd split up evidently right?"
"Another golden rule of space adventure soul searching." Adds Peter.
"You really think I would've bet against it if I'd known that." Asks Conner sorely.
Suddenly they hear a doorbell ring.
Peter gives Conner a confused look. "Conner you have a doorbell on your spaceship?"
"You don't?"
Conner walks over to the airlock and opens it. Timmy's standing outside, surrounded by a dozen egger looking Bikini Bottomites.
"Hey guys! Guess whose here to gamble!" Timmy says.
Conner slams the airlock close.
"Shadow!"
Shadow comes running, arms full of jars of relish.
"What?"
"Shadow old buddy. You want to deal with Timmy for me?" Conner politely inquires.
Shadow drops his relish haul.
"When he's on your ship, he's your problem!" Yelps Shadow.
He makes a peace sign then teleports away. Conner sighs and snaps his fingers. Shadow reappears.
"Wha-How?"
"Late night television god powers. Also, when we're on your planet he's your problem."
"What want me to do about it?" Demands Shadow. "I already launched him into the sun once today."
"You're a smart hedgehog. Figure something out." Conner says. "Now when I open this door again, you're going tell Timmy and his dozen friends to get out of here, alright?"
He opens the airlock again, there's now hundreds of Bikini Bottomites behind Timmy. Conner quickly shuts it again and makes a face.
"That was more than a dozen…"
"You think?" Asks Shadow.
"It's fine." Says Conner. "Maybe it was… Oh I don't know. Trick lighting or something."
He reopens the airlock. Theirs a now a massive crowd of thousands comprising of citizens from across the entire solar system, including two klay men on Timmy's shoulders.
"You gonna let us in or what?" Says Timmy.
"Come on. Help a blue brother out. Asks one klayman.
"We've got moneys to burn." Says the other.
Conner and Shadow exchange a look of dismay.
Cut to Peach.
"Janna!? Janna, where are you?"
Peach wanders the room desperately the pool in it is only ankle deep but stretches on in all directions without a wall in sight. Her view obstructed by mist with only perhaps twenty metres.
"Janna. I'm not upset with you! Please come back, we promised Conner we would stick together."
She stops. A figure looms in the distance, half concealed by fog. Peach's face lights up.
"There you are!" She cries happily.
The figure lets out a low guttural growl.
"Janna?"
The entity lurches forward, it's not Janna. It's a black, semi opaque figure with and an array of probing tendrils and two blood red eyes.
Peach cries out in alarm and makes a run for it. She can hear the creature splashing through the water behind her.
"Janna! Where are you!?" She calls out desperately.
She blinks and the creature appears in front of her. She falls backwards back in the water.
"HELP!"
She crawls backwaters, The shadowy figure looms over her.
"Janna! Conner! Mario! Help!"
Her hand presses down on a hidden pressure plate, the pool bottom beneath her opens like a trapdoor and she's sent tumbling head over heels through an underwater tunnel. For a moment everything's dark as the abyss, then in a flood of light she's carried through a lush forest of kelp. Still caught up in a current, unable to move, checks bulging, desperate for air. Just when she feels her lungs are fit to give out, she's spit through a waterfall and lands in a large bath of ice water.
She resurfaces, crying out again and shivering severely from cold and trauma. She catches her breath and looks back up at the pipe. Theirs's no back up that thing. Theirs no going back to the Janna. Peach's lost her.
She's all alone.
…
The next hundred rooms go by in silence, a drafty hallway during a rainstorm, an old wooden barn smelling of tools with a leaking roof, a 1670's Parisian apartment, with the planet Saturn looming large in the sky outside the windows. None of have any effect on her. She passes through each of them with her head bowed in sadness.
She walks through a traditional German Christmas market. Its many stalls wafting their aromas at her. Warm holiday baked goods, fresh gingerbread, plump candy apples, dessert waffles and heavenly smelling chocolates.
She ignores them all. For once in her life not in the mood for sweats.
She reaches the next door and sighs before pushing it open and walking through.
She's entered into the long central axis of an indoor market place, filled with more stalls. All around the brick walls and hanging from the metal arched ceiling are flags and banners, stripes of red and white with a blue canton with a crown on it. Peach walks through the stalls of this new market, all of them lovingly stocked. As she passes by an ornate phonograph the machine stirs to life and begins playing a folksy harmonica song to the tune of Old Suzanna.
I come from Salem City with my washbowl on my knee,
I'm going to California, the gold dust for to see.
It rained all day the day I left, the weather it was dry
The sun so hot I froze to death Oh brothers, don't you cry.
Oh, California, that's the land for me
I'm bound for San Francisco with my washbowl on my knee
She reaches the centre of the market and looks up. Above her, a large banner reads in bold golden text.
THE SAN FRANCISCO FERRY BUILDING PROUDLY RECONGIZES OUR CITY'S GREATEST FIGURE; HIS MAJESTY EMPEROR NORTON.
A large portrait of a man with a bushy brown beard, beaver hat with a peacock feather and a military uniform of blue and gold beams down at her regally. Peach stares at it for a moment transfixed. Then suddenly she hears a voice behind her.
"Can I help you my dear?"
Peach yelps in surprise and falls over again, when she looks up the man from the portrait is standing over her still beaming. An outstretched hand hoovering just over her chest.
"Would you care for a hand?" He asks.
Peach looks at him slightly embarrassed. "Oh! Yes, thank you."
He pulls her back to her feet. Peach dusts off her dress.
"I'm terribly sorry." She says.
The Emperor dismisses her with a wave of his hand. "Please my dear. The apologies all mine own. I didn't intent to frighten you. Now where are my manners?"
He takes off his hat and bows to her.
"You are at the service of Joshua Abraham Norton the First, Dei gratia Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico." He proclaims. "I do hereby declare you welcome to San Francisco, my beloved home.
"Thank you." Says Peach. She's still slightly frazzled, but none the less she bows back as well. I am Princess Peach, of the Mushroom Kingdom. So nice to meet someone in here, much less another royal."
Norton raises an eyebrow "You don't take me for an automaton?" he askes.
"Oh, I hope not." She assures him.
Emperor Norton laughs jovially.
"I should hope not as well! I'd find it quite the fright to discover myself made of metal."
He laughs again, for some reason Peach can't help but believe that he really is human. His merry laugh is too natural to be another creation of this place. The thought puts her at ease. Norton smiles and gestures to a nearby stall. One with a beautiful wood polished bar.
"May I offer you a beverage? you must have worked up a mighty thirst on that journey of yours."
"That would be wonderful, thank you!"
She sits at one of the stools, his majesty ducks behind one of the bars whistling another old pioneer song. He pulls out two steins and fills each with beer.
Peach looks them uncertainly. "Oh... I'm sorry. But- "
"Not to worry, I'm familiar with your sensibilities. It's non-alcoholic."
He gives her a mischievous wink. She attempts to smile back, though melancholy still weights on her features. Emperor Norton smiles sympathetically.
"You're still troubled over Janna?"
Peach sighs again.
"Poor thing. How could anyone be afraid of Mario? True she's a troublemaker, but not the kind he would ever hurt."
Norton nods. "You'll have forgive her my dear. She's been through darkness no girl her age should have to endure."
"It seems so. I wish she would let me help her." Peach takes a sip of her beverage. "Once I was free of that ghastly curse this game was beginning to seem like a wonderful adventure. But now everything's gotten so complicated. Perhaps I'm not cut out for this after all."
Norton scoffs.
"Bosh! Nonsense! Unregal ridiculousness! It couldn't be further from the truth if was penned by a member of congress!"
Peach looks at him curiously. "Really?"
"Of course, my dear Peach! Look what you've overcome already! Why I say you have a grand chance of doing well in this game."
"I do?"
The Emperor gives her a fatherly look. "My dear I can't promise the journey ahead will always be pleasant. There will be times where things will seem hopeless. But when life throws its hurdles at us yes, we can let the despair overtake us, but we also grow from it. That is what makes humans so beautiful, their potential for growth. Only through it can they discover they're true selves."
Peach finishes her beverages and starts at her reflection in her glass. A teenaged girl with strawberry blonde hair looks back at her. Startled, Peach rubs her eyes. The reflection changes back into herself. She looks up at the American Emperor uncertainly
"I have always wanted to succeed in an adventure on my own. Without my subjects or the Mario Brothers, much as I love them. Do you really believe I have a chance?"
"You have my full faith my dear Princess Peach."
He smiles and looks around at the room, Peach notices his gazes at looks around herself.
"This really is a beautiful market." She sighs.
"Isn't it thought? It is a shame. Greatest under taking San Francisco had committed to at the time of its completion. I had passed on twelve years before was finished, never had to chance to see it in life. But here, I could admire it for a thousand years if I so desired."
He sighs happily.
"Remember this place Princess. For when hardship takes all you have, I hope you remember our time here. Know that all by the end all will be well. And that you are loved."
She smiles at him in earnests.
"Thank you ever so much Emperor."
Her host chuckles. "The pleasure is all mine. Now you best be off…"
He finished his beverages and opens a door behind him, gesturing her in.
"Your friend is waiting."
She bows to him again and make to run through the door. Before she goes, she stops for a moment at looks at him.
"Terribly sorry. Allow me one moment."
She dashes off back the direction she had came in from and remerges a minute later with arms full of German Christmas sweats.
"Now I'm ready."
The Emperor laughs. "Off you go then."
She bows to him then with a deep breath runs through the door. He watches her go smiling sadly.
"Godspeed my dear. Great things lay with you. I hope you're brave enough to face them."
And with that The Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico turns back to the bar to clean their glasses. Singing as he does.
Ruby lips above the water
Blowing bubbles soft and fine
But alas, I was no swimmer
So I lost my Clementine
Oh my darling, oh my darling
Oh my darling, Clementine
You were lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorrow, Clementine
…
It's not long after that Peach finds her. She's siting on the low table in the dining room of a tradition Japanese home. Janna doesn't acknowledge Peach as she walks it; her eyes focused on the hellish inferno burning outside the window. There's no other source of light to be found, so the fire casts a flickering orange glow over everything in the sight. Beyond it's distance roar and the occasional sound of airplane rotors the place is deadly silent.
Cautiously Peach sits down next to Janna, the girl seemingly doesn't abject.
"Hello Janna…" She says timidly.
There's a pause before Janna responds.
"…Hi Peach."
She grabs once of Peaches pastries without taking her eyes off the window.
"Guess Conner's not the only one forcing us together huh?"
"Janna... I'm sorry for offending you."
"It's cool, don't bother. Hate forced apologies." She takes a bit from her pastry. "'Sides I should be the one apologizing for shoving you earlier."
"Oh no need to worry about that." Peach assures her. "I forgive you."
Janna turns to her and laughs a little. "Takes a lot to make you mad doesn't it Peachy?"
Peach thinks it over for a moment. "Most of the time yes. Let's say I'd rather make peace than war and leave it at that."
Janna nods then turns back to the fire.
"You're alright Princess. Glad we got to hang a little before I leave."
Peach looks taken aback. "Leave? But we just found each other again."
"Peach do the math." Says Janna matter of factly. "We're the last one in the house, meaning our teams already lost, meaning we're voting someone out again. And it's pretty clear who everyone blames for that."
"But Janna no one blames you for anything."
"Yeah. Sure. Trying telling that Athena and Yae." Janna sighs. "Man… I thought I'd get farther in this stupid game. I signed up to get away from home and I'm like already going back after a week. It's not fair man."
Peach places a hand on shoulder. "Janna. I'll talk the others into voting me out in your place."
Janna looks at her surprised. "Seriously? You'd give up your game for me?"
"Of course! Helping people in need is part of being a princess."
Janna looks at her hungrily, as if sorely tempted by the offer, before closing her eyes and turning away reluctantly. "Nah, I can't. You've been out of it half the time you've been here; it be messed up to send you home now."
"Well there must be something we can do." Peach asks her. Janna shrugs.
"Hey someone's got to go home. Guess we'll see when we get back to the ship."
"Then I suppose we can take the scenic path getting back there."
Janna raises her eyebrow. "No rushing?"
"No rushing!" Says Peach getting up excitedly. "And you can smash as many things as you like while we go! I'll repay kindly old Mr. Tanuki for the damages."
Janna smirks then shakes her head. "Sweet. But honestly thought. I'm like smashed out or something. Maybe we could I don't know …" She smiles at Peach. "Do things by the book."
Peach gasps happily.
"Your willing to compromise?"
"I know, never thought I see the day."
She grabs another of Peach's pastries then walks towards the door. Peach beams at her.
"Janna I'm very proud of you."
"Right." Janna scratches her neck awkwardly. "Guess that means our bets over though. Shame no one won."
Cut to the ship
The words JANNA AND PEACH COMPROMISE! Scrolls across the large live feed of the girls in bold text. The massive crowd of locals that have gathered in the crew quarters erupt into cheers of celebration and wails of defeat.
"DANG IT!" Shout a Klayman "I HAD ALL MY MONEY'S ON THE BLONDE ONE WINNING!"
"I TOLD THE BOOGIE MONSTER HE COULD TAKE MY BEST FRIEND IF JANNA DIDN'T WIN!" Anguishes another Klayman next to him.
"WAIT, I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND!"
"YOU'RE THE BOOGIE MONSTER'S BEST FRIEND NOW!"
"CLAM UPSET WITH HOW THINGS TRANSPIRED!" Clam wails.
Behind them Ian Kelly laughs triumphantly.
"YES! Always bet on friendship! My Ex taught be that trick. Err-uh No offense dear."
He turns apologetically to his cardboard cut-out wife in the seat next to him.
"That's right this turtle's rich now baby!" Shouts Filbert "MANSERVANTS!"
Timmy, Shadow and Conner instantly appear next to him. All three now dressed as French maids.
"Yes Garcon?" Shadow askes miserably.
"Fix a couple of drinks for the new upper crust of Bikini Bottom, and not so much ice this time!" Demands the turtle.
"Whatever you say Filbert." Shadow mutters.
"How the hell did I get roped into doing this?" Conner asks. "And why aren't you guys helping!?"
He turns his attention to the other five founding members of his gambling ring who are now all lounging in beach chairs with Hawaiian shirts, and beverages.
"We're helping." Insists Yerdey. "We're supervising the crowd to make sure they don't go savage and sampling the drink menu while we're at it."
Roy sips his drink pleasantly. "These crowds are bound to get violent if this is really the best sangria you people can make."
Conner grumbles.
"Time's like these I'm reminded why never stay around here to long."
"At least you get to leave." Shadow whispers bitterly.
Cut to the ladies.
The next hundred rooms go by with laughter. Forgetting their troubles outside, the two Flower Girls have become tourists to Rodney's creation, and embrace its oddities wholeheartedly room by room. They spend an hour dancing on a floor piano. Two hours smelling scented candles in a small room full of them. Half a day spent building sandcastles on a beach where the sunset lasts forever. Hour after hour, room after room, the way out never comes, and both of them couldn't be happier for it.
The two are laying in flowery mountain plateau. Peach sighs happily.
"How I wish every day could be this sweet."
"Right? Could you imagine if every challenge was like this. No rushing around, actually kicking back and enjoying the places we go to." Says Janna.
"We do seem to skip through everywhere we go, don't we?"
"I didn't even get to eat a bug back in the Carboniferous." Complains Janna.
"And maybe if we weren't racing around so much you wouldn't have been so mean to that raven-haired girl." Adds Peach.
"Yeah. No fighting, no war. It'd pretty sweet." Janna sighs.
Peach looks at her funny. "War?"
Janna looks awkward again suddenly. "Uh yeah... Hey I'm getting bored of this place. Let's check out the next room."
"Okay." Peach replies. Although she's not knows not to press the matter, her friends remarks still keep arousing her concern.
They walk over to a small shed and open the front door, immediately stepping into to an ornate ballroom. The melodies of Bach sound through the air as storefront mannequins dance in a masquerade ball.
"Oh my! More homunculi." Gasps Peach.
"Sweet." Janna says.
She walks over to the dance floor, a suit of armor steps in front of her.
"Hey! What gives?"
"Party goers must follow the dress code." The armor demands in a lifeless monotone. then gestures to a trunk full of clothing.
"That's the rules huh?" Janna asks.
Peach gives Janna a concerned look. Janna merely grins.
"Sweet. Needed a new hat anyway."
Peach let's out a little sigh of relief
Janna turns the trunk and pulls a tricorne out of it.
"Oh yeah, I'm hanging on to this. Yo Peachy, catch."
She throws Peach a red cloak.
"Might want to hang on to that. It'll cover that rip in the back of your dress."
Peach gasps. "Oh, it's lovely! Thank you, Janna!"
"Hey, can't go wrong with red."
Peach laughs. "I agree. Is it your favorite colour?"
Janna actually blushes with embarrassment.
"No… It's pink. I don't normally tell people that unless I'm under the direct threat of death since you know…. It's kind of girly."
"Oh, but theirs nothing wrong with being girly." Insists Peach. "At least I don't think so."
Janna rolls her eyes and tosses Peach an opera mask. "Just put this on."
They don their masks and waltz through the room.
They walk into next room, Peach yelps and jumps back.
They've walked in a dessert themed encloser seemingly inside a zoo reptile house. A dozen or two corn snakes and hognoses are basking in the sand. Peach takes in the scene apprehensively. Janna laughs.
"Nothing wrong with being a tomboy either you know."
She holds out a hognose to Peach.
"I suppose not." Peach agrees rather feebly.
She gingerly gives the snake a stroke with her index finger. It flicks it's forked tongue affectionally at her. Peach shutters in repulsion which makes Janna laughs.
"Come on. This guy's great. "
She places the snake in her tricorne.
"There. Now he can come with us."
Peach looks unenthusiastically at the reptile. "If it helps you feel better, then by all means."
"Course I feel better." Janna insists.
"You've recovered from earlier?"
"Earlier was nothing. It's a scientific fact Janna's only feel human emotions once year."
Peach laughs.
The walk into the next room, and find it an elementary school class room. A stage is set up in front of their next door. A dozen child sized mannequins sit cross legged in front of it.
Janna's eyes light up. "Ah hey, another a challenge room."
A robotic school teacher emerges from a cubby and marches over to them.
"Yo what's a couple of ladies got to do to get through that door?" Janna askes it.
Here in this class, whenever we meet a new buddy, we like to ask them to come up on stage and tell us all about themselves so we can get to know them! Exclaims the machine overenthusiastically.
"That sounds adorable!" Peach chirps.
Janna smirks at her. "Go for it then Peachy. Tell us about your self."
Peach hops up to the front to stage.
"Hello there everyone! My name is Princess Peach!"
"Hello Princess Peach." Repeat the Mannequin Children mechanically.
"I am the ruler of a far way land called the Mushroom Kingdom." Begins Peach, speaking as if there were real children listening instead of automatons. "How far away I couldn't tell you, because a Koopa put a spell on me and I don't remember how I got here.
My beloved Kingdom is filled with many different sights and places, From sandy deserts to cold mountains. All inhabited my dear sweet toads."
"Hold up, you rule over a bunch of frogs?" Janna interrupts
Peach giggles. "No silly. They're mushroom people."
"So, then what? You're part mushroom?
"There's been some debate on that."
"Right on. Proceed."
"My toads are the most loyal, brave and happy subjects a princess could ask for. Everyday when I awake from my royal bedroom, I look forward to greeting all the smiling faces in Toad Town. And most days go by just like that. Happy faces in the morning. Princess duties in the afternoon. Then in the evening, yummy baking, tea, and bed, where it'll soon be time to do it all over again.
Of course, sometimes there is trouble. Most of our neighbouring kingdoms are peaceful, Sarasaland, the Metro Kingdom. But sadly, King Bowser and his Kingdom of Koopas have been very terrible to me and my subjects. Bowser himself seems to have grown found of kidnapping me and I've seen the inside of his dungeons too many times. Even with my royal white magic I fear he would have put an end to my beloved home long ago in it hadn't been for the Mario Brothers, my sworn protectors.
With their help our kingdom has survived every plot against it. And no matter what troubles come our way, there will always been hope that day will be saved."
The children clap automatically. Janna whistles. Peach bows.
"Bravo! Cries the Teacher. "That was wonderful!"
"Cool story Peachy."
"Thank you!"
The teacher points a finger at Janna. "Now how about you tell us your story new buddy."
The two ladies look mortified.
"Oh!" Says Peach. "Yes! Well! On second thought Janna, we don't have to do this room by the rules-"
"Nah, we do."
Janna laughs quietly.
"I knew this place was gonna get me back for those monks." She says resignedly. "Alright hold on to your royal butt Peachy. Sounds like gonna hear about my past after all."
Peach sits down uncertainly Janna takes a deep breath.
"So. How's it going everyone. Name's Janna, this is my snake Lupe-Lupe."
"Hello Janna, this is my snake Lupe-Lupe." Repeat the mannequin children.
Janna smirks.
"I was from a place called Echo Creek, California. It was a perfectly normal suburb of Los Angeles until four months ago, when my good friend Star Butterfly, Magical Princess from Mewni cleaved her dimension with mine."
"Cleaved?" Asks Peach.
"Yeah, Merged them." Janna says. "Echo Creek and Star's dimension Mewni became the same place. No warning, just flash of light and there's a monster temple on your block. It's great. The paranormal used to be my niche interest I had control over, now I can't hit up the local taco spot without seeing like my neighbour get in a shouting match with a floating unicorn head, or a giraffe man. Does Star care? Noooo... Doesn't matter that she's the one that did it, all she's cares about is that she and Marco can be together now.
Both of them used to be really cool to hang out with but now that they've "Saved the world" all they do is suck face. Meanwhile I took a road trip with a couple old class mates and found that if you drive for an hour there's a wall of debris where Chinatown used to be then like nothing! Rest of the world's just gone, no rest of Los Angeles, no Manila, No Vancouver. Nothing. Just maybe half of San Gabriel Valley and Mewni in the middle of a bunch of wildernesses."
She sighs.
"When Star first showed up at our school It was great. You'd go to school and you know… one day she's goes pew pew, with her magic wand and turns the teacher into a troll. Next day she's a purple butterfly monster, day after that we have an interdimensional field trip. I got a whole bunch of new dark artifacts for my occult collection. Basically, it was peak awesome, Star was awesome, and we'd hang out do awesome stuff and eat tacos. Life was perfect. Then she when back home to try and solve some of the problems over there and this ultimately ended up being her solution.
If she and Marco could just for like one second, one tiny little second acknowledged that their happy ending wasn't either of those things for most of their friends I could maybe shrug this off. But something about them acting all blasé about all this chaos they caused is just too much man.
I signed up for this show the first chance I got. I thought if I could just like have a month to not worry about my personal life and just get up to some classic Jannanigans, then maybe I'd be ready to face home when it was time to go. But… It's only been a week and…. I'm not ready. I'm not. But whatever, That's my life story."
The mannequin children and their teacher break into applause again. Peach looks up at Janna, eyes shining with sympathetic tears. Janna gives her an unreadable look then jerks her head to the door behind her. They walk through it silently, ending up in a small artist's cabin in the woods. Canvases and oil paints dot the softly lit room.
"Janna…" Begins Peach.
"Me giving you my backstory wasn't an invitation to get emotional Peachy." Janna warns.
Peach wipes her eyes. "I'm sorry. But how could your friend destroy your kingdoms like that?"
"I dunno. Thought she was doing the right thing, I guess. Teenagers are dumb like that."
"I hadn't any idea you had all that ridding on you this entire time."
"Uh yeah. Course you didn't. I didn't tell you."
They both laugh a little Janna turns to the window and opens it. Outside is a starry night unearthly in its beauty. Swirling clouds of distant nebulas, fields of stars shimmer brighter than any sky either of them had ever seen. Janna takes it all in and sighs.
"I just wanted more time… you know. Figure myself out before I when back."
"Look at it this way Janna." Peach offers. "You'd be surprised what can happen in a week. Perhaps when you come back things will have changed for the better."
"I mean there's like seventy five percent chance things will have gotten worse." She points a finger gun at her head and pretends to blow her brains out. "Peach you don't how lucky you are knowing that Mario guy's always going to save the day.
"Well in truth, I never really know if he will, but I have hope." Peach says softly "Hope guides me through the challenges of my position, gives me strength to help in any way I can. Janna you have to believe in better times."
Janna nods and looks back up to the stars.
"It's been fun hangin' today Peach. This place really is stupid cool."
"It interesting isn't it. So many sorrows in here, but also so much joy."
"Yeah…"
There's a long silence between the two of them
"Peach?"
"Yes Janna?"
"I… Think I'm staying in here."
"What?"
"Yeah. Officially thought it over." Janna says more confidently. "If I'm getting kicked off the show anyway and don't have a shot at the money then… I just wanna chill here in the Rodney house until I'm ready to go home."
Peach makes a little noise, the start of several different arguments against her teammate's decision. They all die on her lips.
"Very well then. If that's what you need." Is all she manages to say.
"Yeah… So, I guess you'll have to find your way out of here alone or whatever." Janna says
"Of course …"
Her eyes are shining again, but she keeps her emotions reigned. She bows to her dear comrade.
"Janna, it has been the privilege to make your acquittance. You will always have a home in the Mushroom Kingdom should you need one."
Janna gives her an amused look.
"Thanks. Hey, keep looking out for all those toads when you get back alright. It's important they have a good leader. Someone not to Impulsive. If you can manage that and start something with that Mario at the same time, go to town Peachy."
Peach smiles.
"Thank you."
...
Five doors. It takes five doors to walk from where Peach left Janna to the door that opened back to the lounge and Fluttershy barreling into her arms.
"We we're so worried!" Sobs Fluttershy.
"It's alright. I'm here." Peach says weakly. She swallows and looks at the others. "Janna…"
"Yes, my dear, we know." Rodney says softly.
He gestures to the television then places the bronze Chris statue in her hands, smiling somberly.
"I had a feeling once it refused to let you out that it had been waiting for something like this. This house never fails to amaze me."
Peach smiles gently. "But I thought you invented it?"
"Discovered it, would be more proper grammar." Corrects Rodney. "This house, this project. It draws it's power from the void between universes. It is everything I love about the infinite. Are there endless horrors out there in our limitless multiverse? Perhaps. But if you find strength to lead your heart through it, you'll find just as much beauty to the world..."
"I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death." Quotes Jeffrey Schlansky.
"Lovely Jeffrey." Peach says "Who said that? Emperor Norton?"
"Leonardo Da Vinci. How is it you've heard of Emperor Norton?"
Peach smiles.
Cut to the Wax Lip Ship.
Rodney offers them his personal craft to fly back to NickEarth. After so long in the beautiful void of the House Peach finds it strange to be back in a world so fast passed, surrounding by these new colourful friends of hers.
She walks back up the steps to the Wax Lip Ship's airlocks with Jeffrey, Perry and Fluttershy.
"… Your so brave for making it out there." Raves Fluttershy.
"It was nothing really. I had same challenge as everyone else."
Perry chitters.
"Not really." Replies Fluttershy. "Perry here says he couldn't imagine being in there as long as you were."
Peach gives her a funny look.
Fluttershy blushes in embarrassment. "Oh! That's right nopony knows here. I speak animal."
Peach laughs.
"Regardless, It will be nice to get home to our beds and rest won't it?"
Jeffrey opens the airlock, at once their hit by deafening noise.
What seems like the entire population swarms out towards them, most of the cheering, others looking deeply dismayed.
"My stars! What's going on!?" Exclaims Peach.
"WE WON!" Cries about half the crowd.
Rouge the bat, Shadows wife walks up to Peach and pats her on the shoulder.
"They we're betting on you making it out before Janna sweetheart."
"What?" Asks Peach.
Behind her Filbert cries in aguish. "I LOST EVERYTHING!"
"CLAM RICH BEYOND WILDEST DREAMS!"
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shouts Ian Kelly. Running about with his cardboard wife.
Timmy jumps up onto Peach's head.
"Hey guys! Let's have a PARTY!" Shouts Timmy.
"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"NOOO!"
Everyone turns to look at Conner.
"I mean GUYS!? Can't you do somewhere besides my ship!?"
Beat.
"Uh, yeah. Sure. All you have to is ask." Says Timmy as if this had been obvious the whole time.
Conner groans.
"Know my pain." Grumbles Shadow.
"MUSIC!" Shouts Timmy.
A Bikini Bottomite holds up a boom box and presses play.
Well…
You know you make me wanna (Shout!)
Kick my heels up and (Shout!)
Throw my hands up and (Shout!)
Throw my head back and (Shout!)
Come on now (Shout!)
The crowd cheers and carries Peach back down the latter. She laughs.
"Princess! What about bed?" Asks Fluttershy.
Peach laughs. "On second thought it's nice to be around other people again."
She hops down and starts dancing with the crowd.
Don't forget to say you will
Don't forget to say, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(Say you will)
Say it right now baby
(Say you will)
We focus on Shadow rolling his eyes. The scene pauses. Text appears on screen.
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG STAYED KING OF NICKEARTH UNTIL HE WAS AN OLD MAN. HE LATER DROWNED IN THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH AFTER LEARNING HIS WIFE WAS PREGANANT.
Come on, come on
(Say you will)
Say it, will-a you
(Say you will)
Come on now!
Rouge walks over to him and offers him her hand. He sighs, tears off his maid costume and dances with her. The scene pauses.
ROUGE THE BAT LATER GAVE BIRTH TO TWIN BOYS, SUNSHINE AND DARTH. SUNSHINE WHEN ON TO BECOME KING OF NICKEARTH HIMSELF. DARTH STOLE HIS FATHER'S SUV AND DROPPED HIS MOTHER INTO A VOLCANO.
say that you love me
(Say) say that you need me
(Say) say that you want me
(Say) you wanna please me
Clam dances in the crowd with a girl that looks exactly like him but in a dress and wig. The scene pauses.
CLAM AND HIS WIFE CLAMMETTE WENT ON TO HAVE A HAPPY HEALTHY MARRIAGE DESPITE THEIR MANY DIFFERENCES.
(Say) come on now
(Say) come on now
(Say) come on now
Filbert lays on the ground, rocking back and forth. The scene pauses.
HIS FORTUNE'S GONE. FILBERT WAS FORCED TO TURN TO THE SQUIBBON MAFIA TO SUPPORT HIMSELF. HE IS STILL HUANTED BY THE THINGS HE WITNESSED.
You know you make me wanna
(Shout-woo) hey-yeah
(Shout-woo) yeah-yeah-yeah
A blonde, bespectacled girl scout dances next to Timmy. The scene pauses.
TIMMY'S WIFE, BESSIE HIGGENBOTTUM WAS NOT IN THIS EPISODE.
(Shout-woo) all-right
(Shout-woo) all-right
(Shout-woo) come on now!
(Shout) come on now!
Timmy gets a mischievous look on his face; he zips up to the top of the Wax Lip Ship then dives toward to crowd. Scene pauses mid fall.
EVERYTHING HAVING GONE BETTER THAN IT HAD ANY RIGHT TO. TIMMY LEARNED NOTHING FROM HIS EXPERIENCE.
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah (good sound)
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah (good sound)
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah (good sound)
The crowd disperse under Timmy and he crashes into the ground.
Watching from his ship Conner O'Gleeson takes the scene in looking incredibly haggard. Scene pauses.
BOTH CHALLENGES COMPLETE, CONNER O'GLEESON LEFT THE UNUSAL NICKLEODEON UNIVERSE WITH HIS SHIP, CREW AND CONTESTANTS LATER THAT SAME NIGHT. VOWING NEVER TO RETURN. YOU'LL HAVE TO STAYED TUNED FOR THE REST OF THEIR ADVENTURES.
(Shout) all-alright (good sound)
(Shout) it's all-alright (good sound)
(Shout) all-alright (good sound)
(Shout) all-alright (aah) …
End of Act One.
Author's note. Well this is where we leave off for now. If you've been reading since the beginning, I thank you for your loyalty. I always appreciate feedback, negative or positive and would love to hear from you guys.
Next batch of episodes will be Act Two up until the merge. That should be here in the next few months. Probably late winter, though I make no guarantees. Until then I wish you all the very best.