Total Drama Endless, Episode Nine
...
The Fact Hunter's Barrack had certainly been through a lot already.
It had been just over a week ago that they had started using it and already there was an amassing collect of knick-knacks from past episodes. The machines Rick and Doof had used for the Gem formula were still stashed in the bathroom, Artie the Giant Millipede sculled across their floor like a living carpet and now Rick's bed had been taken away. Replaced by one of the cots from the medical bay. The same one Rick is still bound to in his full body cast, and where a dilemma was quickly developing.
"Look, just so you know, if none of you people volunteer to change my bedpan soon is going be more your problem than mine." Rick warns his team.
Beatrice shoots him a look of disgust.
"Yuck. No. I don't care what you say, that's not happening. Get one of the staff to do it."
Rick grumbles, by his bedside Dipper smirks. Since last challenge he's looked more content than he's been since the start of the season.
"You know Rick it's funny." Dipper says smugly. "You got yourself into this state trying to prove you didn't need any of us, and now you're begging us to attend to your basic bodily functions. Now I might be wrong but I think there's a name for this right? It's like what is it? Oh yeah, it's Irony Rick. How's Irony taste?"
"You got a lot of spunk for someone can't revive himself post mortem." Rick mutters dangerous.
Dipper smiles. "Yeah, well you got a lot of spunk for someone who can't move any part of there body. Don't you? Don't you?"
He punctuates every question with a finger jab into Rick's arm. Beatrice smiles and starts poking Rick's leg.
"Hey this is kind of fun."
"That's enough you two." Wednesday say firmly. They pause and look at her. Wednesday smiles. "Jab him under his ribs, that's where the best results are."
Ten minutes later the three of them are still prodding Rick when the door to their barrack slides open and in walks Conner and Yerdey.
Rick glares at Conner. "I'm sorry alright. Is that what you ******* wanted? I'm sorry for trying to cheat your piece of **** challenge yesterday. Now fork over the medicine, so I can get out of this."
Conner smiles sympathetically. "Thank you, Rick. I accept your apology… unfortunately, I can't help you."
"WHAT!?" Rick yelps.
"I mean Rick you really think I'd keep you in a cast out of spite?" Conner asks. "No! That'd be horrible. You're in that cast because unless you've got some sort of fancying bone healing ray that's the best anyone on the ship can do for you."
"I did have a bone healing ray." Rick says through gritted teeth. "It broke in the accident."
Conner laughs.
"It's not funny!" Rick snaps.
"I know, it's tragic." Conner says with a chuckle and a shake of his head. "Well Rick, I hate to say it but looks like you'll be recovering the old fashion way."
"Hang on?" Indiana Jones says uncertainly. "If he can't compete for a couple of weeks, what does that mean for the rest of us?"
"Rick's not disqualified, is he?" Dipper asks hopefully.
Conner smiles. "We'll see. Thing is we didn't have a rule for what happens when a contestant can't compete. On account of having faith in you people not to cripple yourselves."
"-Massive oversight on our part we know." Yerdey adds.
"But after the Peach incident, me and the other guys had a talk and decided that, not participating is fine" Say Conner.
"Really?" Beatrice asks.
"Sure." Conner says with a shrug. "Doesn't need to be because of illness either. Think of it like college. You all signed up for this, you want to slack off and never do anything?" He raises the pitch of his voice "Oh look at me! I'm stupid, I don't wanna do the challenges." Conner laughs. "Go ahead! Just means you won't get any rewards afterward."
The Fact Hunters all glance at each other.
"Ah, that's nice and all..." Doof says. "But I kind of signed up for the money so I'm going to stick to doing challenges."
The other murmur in agreement. Conner smiles.
"Glad to hear it! But seriously, I feel as if someone might want to sit today out to look after Rick."
"Dipper." The Fact Hunters say in unison.
"Seriously guys!?" Dipper complains.
Conner claps his hands together. "Well if everyone's in agreement Dipper, I'm going ask you to stay here today."
Dipper and Rick groan loudly.
"Always nice when everyone agrees on something isn't it?" Yerdey says to Conner.
"Yes, it's a joy to behold." Conner says. "Anyway. Glad we determined this so quickly because I have gifts for everyone participating today."
Chewbacca walks in with a buddle of packages in his arms. He starts hurling them at the Fact Hunters. Beatrice's package hits her in the head.
"Ow! Hey!" She cries, before unwarping her gift. She pulls out a slick diving suit the colour of her dress. Around her the others are examining similarly suits.
"Put those on, and I'll see you in the transporter room in five minutes." Conner instructs, before walking out. The Fact Hunter glance at each other.
"So…" Beatrice says. "What do you think this means?"
"I think it means Dipper's going to regret missing out on today." Lenny says with a smile. Dipper scowls.
"Rub it in why don't you?"
Cut to the transporter room.
Five minute later the Fact Hunters now sans Rick and Dipper have donned their suits and walked down the transporter room. The other team's have already arrived, all wearing diving suits as well with the notable exception of Lapis Lazuli.
A second later Conner walks in now wearing a skin tight wetsuit and hood. The front of his suit is unzipped exposing a healthy forest of orange chest hair.
"Alright contestants!" He says. "Who's ready to have some fun today huh? Anyone want to take a gander where we're going?"
"Uh yeah. Judging by these wetsuits probably the ocean or something?" Markus guesses.
Conner waves a finger at him. "First of all, Markus, you're not wearing a wetsuit, I am. What you've got on is a drysuit, which is a little warmer because yes. As a matter of fact, we're headed under the sea today. Oh, and speaking of heads, I want everyone to press that little button on the necks of there suits."
"You mean this one?" Peach asks tapping a little button near her collarbone. At once a large clear bubble appears around her head. The other contestants' follower her lead.
"Yes, perfect. Thank you Peach." Conner says. "That's your helmet. Give a minute, it'll pressurize automatically for you. In the mean time Chewie's got flippers for everyone, so put them on."
Chewbacca walks in and dispenses a set of flippers to everyone present.
"Alright Jeremy!" Conner announces when they've finished. "You know what to do."
Jeremy gurgles from the control booth and slams his face down on the module. Transporting everyone away.
Cut to the locale.
There's it takes a moment for everyone to get oriented when the contestants rematerialize. As they've been transported into open ocean. The world around them is an endless blue void with the faint light of distant sunrays shining down from below.
Athena looks around a little wearily.
"By havoc. We've been cast into the realm of Poseidon."
"I thought it was the Dragon Kings that lived here?" Says Yao.
Conner swims up to them. "On the contrary you two, I assure you that the only god here we didn't bring with us is fast asleep at the bottom of the sea. He's also, a giant robot. It's complicated. Anyway, fallow me."
He flips around in the water then starts swimming down towards the depths. The others follow after him. After a minute or two of swimming the ocean bed comes into view, a silty garden of strange seaweed teeming with decidedly un-earth like sea life. Soon a rocky outcrop overlooking a deep trench comes into view, perched on it is an underwater city of about a dozen clear domes among structures built of coral. A great stone pillar of stone jettisons out from the city upwards towards the surface.
"Mahri Nui, Everyone." Conner says spreading out his arm. "A cozy little slice of heaven here under the sea. Earlier today I asked the lovely local townsfolk if I could hide some statues about town. They said and I quote. "We don't take kindly to outsiders here." To which I said. "Well with all due respect I can see now why you're not on any Lonely Planet list." Long story short, we're not welcome here. But that's fine because we're not staying"
"That's a shame." Indy muses. "It'd be something to study the culture of a place like this."
"Well, we've got a minute." Conner says. He swims over to the back of one of the houses and pulls out a chest. "You're free to ask the locals all about themselves. Just don't expect them to respond with anything of substance."
Sure enough as Conner struggles to open his chest the contestant notice that the town's citizen's hovering around them. Somewhat to their dismay the town's populated by more robots, this time around all vaguely humanoid. Six robots a far bit taller and more monstrous watch them with particular contempt.
"Ain't we already told you organics you're not welcome in our seas?" A white android with shark like features croaks at them.
"I already told you Pridak we're just passing by." Conner says distractedly. "By the way everyone I'd like you to meet my good friends the Barraki. They're horribly mutated biomechanical warlords of the Alliance of Six Kingdoms or something. I only skimmed the notes Jeffrey gave me about this place. Again, not that much matters because-Ah ha!"
The chest unlocks with a satisfying click and Conner pulls a sea scooter from out it. He holds it out to them proudly. "Today we'll be mixing it up, and you'll be racing with these babies?" He grins at them. "Any questions?"
"Yeah…" Doofenshmirtz says. "I just realize you've been breathing down here without a helmet this whole time."
Conner looks him expectedly. "Yes? What about it?"
Doof stares at him blankly. "Nothing."
"Right." Conner says. "Here's what's going to happen today. We're currently in the Bionicle universe. So called because it largely involves the chronicles of biomechanical creatures like our friends over there."
"We don't associate with your scum like you, stinkin' humie." Pridak snarls.
"Yes, I know Pridak, you Bionicles are tremendously endearing."
"That's not our names!"
"Anyway." Conner continues. "These guys have a whole bunch of confusing lore, but all you need to know is we're off the coast of an island called Voya Nui. You'll each be given one of these sea scooters and with them, you're to race around the entire circumference of the island counter clockwise, until you arrive back here. This is of course a team race so first one to have all their team members make it back here to Mahri Nui wins immunity! Now who's ready to race!?"
Peach, Tails, Doof and Amethyst cheer, everyone else gives a half-hearted response. Conner frowns.
"Come on guys, I'm proud of this one." He says. "Don't think of this as the episode with the black sheep of the Lego family, think of it as an exciting day of a high speed, cut throat racing through an exotic alien ocean. I mean if that's not mixing it up, what is?"
"Isn't this the same premise as the Rodney House?" Beatrice asks.
"That was different." Conner insists.
"And I mean technically every episode so far has been kind of like a race if you think about it." Doof adds.
Conner sighs dejectedly.
"Just get into position."
A few minutes later they contestants have had their sea scooters handed out to them and are gather in a straight line facing away from town between Two large poles floating above the sea floor.
"Contestant's on your mark!" Conner shouts, he's at some point acquired a pistol and is holding it over his head.
Roy looks to his side and see's Doof fiddling with his scooter.
"Not that I care doctor but what are you doing?" He asks.
"Who me?" Doof asks. "I'm rewiring the engine to make this little contraption go faster."
"The doesn't seem like a good idea." Beatrice says flatly.
Perry chitters.
"Get ready…" Conner shouts.
"Trust me." Doof assures them. "I know what I'm doing, I have a doctorate from the internet." His engine sputters to life. "Oh hey" He says greatly surprised. "I think it's working."
"Get se-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
Doof's scooter suddenly rockets off into the distance at great velocity, taking the scientist with it. The other Fact Hunters sigh.
"Screw it!" Conner says. "Just go already."
He fires his pistol and the other contestant take off after Doofenshmirtz. Fortunately, the unmodified sea scooters seem far easier to maneuver. At least enough so that everyone is able to control theirs reliably.
"Alright team!" Indy calls into the radio in his helmet. "Let's show Rick we can win one without him."
In response he can hear Amethyst cackling. "In your dreams nerds! Now that your down Captain Scientist Hair me and the Shorty Squad have this in the bag son!"
"Actually Amethyst." Lapis Lazuli chimes in. "You may have had the advantage yesterday, but the ocean is my territory, got it? My team's getting that reward today."
"Easy there fellow Gems." Lenny pipes in politely. "Let's not fight shall we? What sort of example are we setting for the Earthlings?"
"Can it Lenny!" The gem women shout. Indy turns off his radio and shakes his head. There's a little screen on is console that informs him he's in 12th place.
"I can do better than that." He grumbles to himself.
Directly in front of him is Bentley. The turtle clearly struggling, although the scooter's providing propulsion he's seemingly having a hard time steering it with his crippled legs. Indy revs his scooters engine and rams up against Bentley with the indent of knocking him off course."
"Wait!" Bentley cries, fumbling with the button for his radio. "Stop!"
Indy smirks at him. "Sorry about this."
To his surprise Bentley smirks back. "I'm not."
Two mechanical arms shoot out of Bentley's suit and grab the archeologist. Indy only has time to make a stricken noise before he's flung backwards by Bentley, tumbling head over heel before crashing into Beatrice.
"Ow!" She yelps. "Watch where you're going!" She notices the dazed expression on Indy's face. "What now?"
"Word of advice." Indy says quietly. "Don't underestimate the turtle."
…
The oceans around Voya Nui truly are a sight to behold, Biomechanical entities and organic creatures forage and hunt one another. Colourful coral and think stalks of seaweed bloom and through all of them Doctor Doofenshmirtz cuts a path of destruction.
"AAAAaaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAaAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAaAaaHHHHHHOW DO I STOP THIS THINNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!?"
He turns around ungracefully like a man strapped to a rocket, careening uncontrollably around the sea until finally, mercifully, his scooter tears itself from its handle and he goes flying into the seabed, letting loose a cloud of disturbed sentiment.
"Oh, my head." He moans painfully. "I'm going to have such a headache tomorrow." Something zips by his head, knocking him back to the ground. It's Lapis overtaking him, following in rapid succession by, Peach, Athena, Amethyst and soon enough every other contestant in the race.
"Huh." Doof says blankly. "Well, this is a problem."
As if on cue he hears a familiar chittering behind him. Doof swivels around.
"Perry the Platypus!" He cries.
Perry chitters again then hold out his sea scooter to Doof.
"Oh Perry the Platypus no!" Doof says. "I can't take your sea scooter! It's yours!"
Perry nods firmly and continues holding out the scooter.
"Seriously Perry the Platypus, you're making me feel guilty accepting all this help from you."
Perry rolls his eyes then and puts down the scooter, he puts a hand a pocket on his suit and fishes around in it before pulling out the note he gave Conner during his interview and showing it Doof. He pushes it away.
"I know. I've read the pamphlet! You're here to help me." Doof says impatiently. "But come on, I know it's like a good guy thing or something to always be selfless, but think about your own game for once alright? You've got a shot at the prize money too you know. Not that I have any idea what a Platypus would do with that much money."
Perry looks off into the middle distance.
Ripple dissolve.
We cut to a massive mansion where a family of five (Mother, Father, two brothers and a teenaged older sister.) Are longing by the pool.
The mother sighs blissfully. "You know, I think it's official. Our lives are perfect now."
"Oh yes, couldn't agree more." Her husband chimes in.
Their daughter runs up to them frantically.
"Mom! Mom! Mom! Phineas and Ferb are building something crazy again!"
Her mother chuckles. "Candance, that's hardly surprising anymore considering how much money and resources we have we have now."
"Yes." The father adds. "Who would have though our lives would be changed so much for the better, by Perry acquiring that check for Ten Million Dollars somehow."
The view pans up a massive tower of cushions, junk food and beautiful woman, at the very top of which Perry stands triumphantly.
Ripple dissolve.
Perry rubs his eyes and brings himself back into the moment. When he does, he finds Doof staring at him.
"What was that? Was that a fantasy sequence? You know I can't see those right? We've talked about this." Doof scolds.
Perry shrugs then offer his Sea Scooter again. Doof hesitates, then finally takes it. "Alright fine, Perry the Platypus, I'll take your Sea Scooter, bur promise me you'll find a way to in the race got it?"
Perry gives him a thumbs up, then removes his suit and helmet, and swims off with surprising speed.
"Oh wait, That's right! I forgot you were a semi aquatic egg-laying hero of action. You… didn't really need the scooter anyway." Doof says, then he sighs. "I probably should have remembered that should've I?"
Cut to First Place.
The oceans around the great island of Voya Nui teem with life of all composition, although as the contestants put more and more space between them and Mahri Nui, the seas grows more familiar. Soon enough they're are zooming through shallower seas brimmingly with life. Here the sea floor is blanketed in corals and anemones of pink, orange and red. Above them swims an entire ecosystem of creatures twirling in an endless ballet. Every one of them large or small painted in colours so vibrant they stagger the senses. Lapis Lazuli, blows through the peaceful scenery like a great ocean current. Propelling herself forward with her powers. She's sporting a comfortable first place, Princess Peach and Athena close trailing behind her.
"You're a better racer than you look Peach." Lapis says with an impressed glance over her shoulder. Peach beams in return.
"Thank you. I'm very much enjoying it." Says the Princess. "I have some experience racing back home."
"Yo I know all about that **** them ****** kart races are intense ******." They hear Markus chime in over the radio.
Peach gasps. "Markus I didn't know you kart raced as well?"
"I mean I've raced on the Switch with you and your homies."
"Huh?"
"Never mind that now." Athena says. "Markus how are you this in this race?"
"Yo it's been fire. Amethyst is in front of me right now, I'll been working on passing her so that's been fun. Them little fish ******* have been swimming around. It's cute."
"Yes I agree Markus." Peach sigh looking around. "Why I've never seen so many wonderful species of cheep-cheeps."
"Local fauna aside." Athena says. "Do you see anyone behind you?"
"Uh, let me check." Markus says. He stays silent for a moment then they hear him scream.
"What is it?" Peach cries.
Cut to Markus.
"Yo I got the Creepy Fact Hunter Girl on my tail!" Markus cries into his radio. Wednesday Addams is trailing close behind him, a steadfast look of malicious determination on her face.
"Oh yes, the disturbed child." Athena says. "Tell her to stay away."
Markus looks over his shoulder apprehensively. "Yo get out or I'll **** you up!"
"I don't want trouble." Wednesday says monotone as always. "I just want to make trade."
Markus looks at her skeptically. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah." Wednesday repeats. "You give me you're position, and I'll let you stay alive."
Markus turns away from her and clicks on his radio again. "Yo, don't make me talk to her again."
Wednesday smirks, her own radio clicks online. "Kid, what's are you up to?" She hears Indy say.
"The same thing all girl's my age do in their spare time, dreaming of homicide." She says causally.
"What? No! I mean your position! Are you near the front of the race?"
"Of course." She says. "But it's curious, I don't see any of my teammates here with me. Am I the only one here taking this challenge seriously?"
Cut to Indiana Jones.
Indy scowls at the number 15 on his console. "Look we had a bit of an incident, with the turtle."
"What do you mean we?" Beatrice asks from behind him. "Jones thought it was a smart idea to mess with the turtle guy from the other team and got us knocked back to almost last."
"Well at least you're not dead last." Lenny chimes in.
"Uh… yeah." They hear Doof say. "About that…"
Indy grumbles. "Alright!" He snaps. "I need everyone to get it together! We're the Fact Hunters! We don't lose, and we're especially not losing today. If we do Rick's never going to let us her the end of it."
Beatrice sighs. "At least this is still better than babysitting him like Dipper."
Cut to the ship.
Dipper's hunched over his team barrack's bathtub. Vigorously scrubbing his hands. A clean bedpan laying in the tub next to him
"Well that was one of the worst thing's I've had to do in a while." He says bitterly. "And I hope you enjoyed it Rick because it's not happening again!"
"Right, tell that to my colon." Rick snarks from the other room.
Dipper sighs "He's worse than Robby." Grabbing the bedpan, he climbs onto the sink, then hops from one of the gem machines into the other room and onto one of the beds. Wary as always of the giant prehistoric insect passively living its life below. He throws the bedpan at Rick's feet then bedhops across the room until he's at the selves where their team has been storing the candy they won from the Pinata Island episode. Rick eye's follow him disinterestedly.
"Speaking of unpleasant expulsions of the body, where is it?" He blurts out.
"Where's what?" Dipper says shortly.
"No need to act stupid kid, you're dumb enough already." Rick says. "Every time you get a chance, you launch into this whole spiel about your self worth or some ********, and how much you deserve my respect. Now you've got the whole day alone with me and I ******* know you've just patiently playing nice because you've got this great pitch you've been brewing all day, and it's just going to blow my giant genius IQ mind and rewrite my perspective on you. Right? Well, I've got enough **** to deal with today so do me a favour and get it out of your system now."
Dipper gives him a strange look.
"Come on kid, I know you're brewing one." Rick insists. "It's like a hot turd. Don't overbake it just force it out now."
Dipper sighs again then grabs a fistful of candy. "Actually Rick, you win." He hops back onto his bed. "You irrationally hate me; our team irrationally hates me. Conner probably hates me. I'm unpopular I get it. It's like elementary, only there's no Mabel. So, like elementary school, instead of worrying about what you think of me, or what it means that my entire team thinks I'm expendable, I'm just going to remind myself that it's all temporary and treat today like a holiday, because I do not care anymore. I'm just going to sit here, in my bed, gorging on candy and writing in my Uncle's journal."
Rick raises an eyebrow. "Seriously kid?"
"Oh yeah, I'm serious!"
"Great, have fun with your diary."
"I will." Dipper assure him, pulling out an old leather-bound journal with a gold silhouette of a six fingered hand on the cover.
Rick rolls his eyes. Then smirks and turns back to Dipper.
"Just so you know. That whole speech there about how you don't care about what I think counts as a spie…"
He trails off suddenly.
"What did you fall asleep half way through insulting me?" Dipper asks, scribbling something in the book.
He looks up. Rick's not asleep. Quite the opposite, instead he's staring wide eyed at the cover
"Where did you get that book?" He asks, uncharacteristically quiet.
Dipper holds up the book. "What this thing?"
"No the other book you're holding. YES THE JOURNAL!" Rick shouts. "Do you have any idea what you're holding!? That's one of Stanford Pine's personal journals!"
"Yeah. I know." Dipper says shortly. "I'm Dipper Pines."
He pauses for a moment and seemingly does a double take. "Wait…"
"YOU KNOW STANFORD PINES?!" The two of them shout simultaneously.
"Know him!?" Rick yelps. "We traveled the multiverse together!"
"He's my Great Uncle!" Dipper says hoarsely. "Grunkle Stan brought back him to our dimension this summer and he helped us defeat Bill Cipher."
Rick swears loudly.
"YOU ******* TOOK OUT BILL CIPHER!?"
"I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR LIKE A WEEK NOW!"
"WHY THE **** HAVE YOU NOT BEEN DOING ANYTHING DURNING THE CHALLENGES THEN!?"
"BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LETTING ME!"
"Jesus ******* Christ kid, I didn't know you part of the god damn Pines family." Rick says hoarsely. He scrunches his face to together then swears again.
Dipper gets up and hops onto Rick's bed.
"So you really knew Uncle Ford back during his interdimensional outlaw years?" He asks him suddenly starstruck. It's as if the past few weeks never happened.
Rick smirks. "Dipper I more than knew him. I was part of his crew. I signed his damn wanted poster."
"Wait." Dipper hurriedly flips through the book. "You mean this one!?" He shows Rick a copy of an old wanted poster covering in alien writing.
Rick smiles "**** son, there's the man himself." He says fondly. "See that writing on the top corner? I wrote that. It says Rick was here." He turns to the camera. "People at home I'm not kidding, I'm in the ******* Journal."
Dipper turns to the camera confused. "Uh... who are you talking to?"
"I'm talking the audience Dipper." Rick explains slightly more patiently than usual. "By which of course mean, the canonical, in universe audience watching on the in-universe TV show we're in."
Dipper wipes his brow. "Right I forgot. Sorry I thought you when crazy there for a second."
"Don't worry Dipper, I don't pull that ****. I'm not Deadpool." He groans. "Kid tell you what? Let's work something out here. You grab me some more painkillers and I'll fill you in about what being a space outlaw with your great uncle was like.
"Deal!" Dipper says ecstatically, running to the bathroom and back without once worrying about Artie (Who likewise seems unbothered by him, as always.) "Maybe when you're done, I can tell you how we got rid of Bill."
"Yeah, no **** by all means." Rick says. "That'd be good to know."
Dipper laughs to himself. Rick gives him a look. "What?"
"I still can believed the sour old man from my team is one of Ford's old multiverse buddies. If had know that sooner I would have tried ten times harder to get your respect.
"Right." Rick smirks. "And I'd have bullied you a hundred times as hard for the effort."
They both laugh.
"You think the others are having this much fun on the challenge?" Dipper asks.
"Yeah, sure. That whole underwater thing they're doing? They probably feel like they're on vacation." He turns to the camera again and smiles. "Or more specifically on holiday ha ha! Am I right? Cue the music."
Cut to the Ocean.
The ocean blooms in its many colours and creatures as an eighty's synth beat starts up.
Jump cut
Holiday
Markus jets along in his scooter, keeping a close eye on Wednesday behind him.
He passes into a dark sea cave filled with bioluminescence creatures, when he emerges. Wednesdays vanished from behind him. He turns around to see her swimming along side him now and he yelps in fright.
Jump cut
Celebrate
Perry's swimming through a thick forest of kelp, the plants before him seem to have been cut, sure enough a little way ahead he finds Doof with his new Sea Scooter tangling hopelessly in the kelp. Doof grins guiltily. Perry merely rolls his eyes.
Jump cut
Holiday
Bentley swims through a great expanse of open water along side a great gelatinous creature the size of a whale that looks halfway between an amoeba and a jellyfish. Suddenly from behind it Indy emerges trying to cut Bentley off. Bentley causally presses a button on his suit and two mechanical arms effortlessly swat the archeology into in the great Jell-O like body of the creature.
Celebrate
Indy tries to move, but finds it exceedingly difficult. He scowls bitterly.
Jump cut.
If we took a holiday
Peach is surrounded by a great bloom of tropical fish, her eyes filled with wonder.
Jump cut.
Took some time to celebrate
The contestants' race through a sunken graveyard of great machines. Letsplay Lenny stops Perry and taps him on his shoulders.
Just one day out of life
Perry looks to see Doof attempting to salvage some component from one of the ancient devices, completely obvious the other racers passing him by.
It would be, it would be so nice
Perry face palms.
Jump cut.
Holiday
Markus and Wednesday are neck at neck staring intimidatingly at once another.
Celebrate
Wednesday suddenly looks away and pulls off. Markus looks triumphant…
Holiday
…then promptly crashes into a reef.
Celebrate
Cut to Mahri Nui.
Conner's returned to his natural setting, sitting at a desk in a suit in tie starring into the camera. Beside him sits Yerdey, also now in a suit and tie.
"And we're back!" Conner announces. "Welcome sports fans to the exciting conclusion to the race around Voya Nui. Yerdey what have you thought of it so far?"
"Well, we've been underwater this whole time so that automatically makes this the best location so far by a country mile." The cephalopod says glancing around. "Actually, this is what I had in mind when I send you people to the Carboniferous."
"Yerdey I think you're getting your geologic eras confused, everyone knows the Carboniferous is known for giant terrifying insects."
"Then what period was I thinking of?"
"The team's have almost made it to the final leg of the race!" Conner says turning back to the camera. "And the locals here Mahri Nui are excited to see who wins."
"Oy, we're not excited we're not!" Pridak says indignantly, standing amongst a crowd of locals. "We're just excited to see 'em gone. Yeah?"
"Oy Pridak?" One of his fellow warlords asks. "If that's true why would you be saying that stuff about this being the most fun that's ever came down below the seas little while back?"
"Shut it Takadox!" Pridak barks.
"The first racers are coming around the bend!" Conner shouts pointing to the left. About a kilometre away Peach and Lapis have just come into view, soon followed by most of the others. The only thing separating them from the finish line is a twisting path through a trench.
"It's looks close, but the Flower Girls are in the lead!" Conner says. "All they have to do is make it through the pit and victory's theirs."
"Hang on a minute." Pridak says. "That pits full of mutagenic water it is. That's the only reason we and me gang look the way we do. Why aren't lot you being horribly mutated?"
"Because this show's already done the contestants turning into mutants thing before." Conner stats causally. "It'd be repetitive to do it twice so we're not going to bother."
Pridak looks confused. "Wot?"
Cut to the Racers
"Ladies. Markus. Victory is in our grasps!" Athena cries triumphantly. The other Flower Girls cheer.
"We're still in this guys!" Amethyst says to her team.
"So, just so we're clear we're voting out Rick so he can't make fun of us for loosing without him, right?" Beatrice asks her team defeatedly.
"I say we poison him then put the body down the garbage disposal."
"We're not doing that Wednesday."
"You never want to do anything fun." Wednesday pouts. "Maybe I'll have to make my own fun with this Flower Girl."
She stares at Markus whose now slightly ahead of her again. He shudders.
"Yo this ****** race can't be over soon enough."
"Markus if that kids still bugging you, try herding her into a wall or something." Lapis suggests.
"No!" Peach cries. "Stay away from the walls."
"Why?" Lapis asks.
Peach eyes the sides of there trench nervously, great caves are carved into them. "Some advice I've learnt from my dear friend Mario…" She says. "Be afraid of what lives in underwater caves."
Meanwhile back amongst the Fact Hunters Indy has a dangerous look in his eyes, he's starring at Bentley intensely. So far, the turtle's managed to keep most of Indy's team behind him and trap them there.
"Don't." Beatrice says to Indy.
"Don't what?" He asks her.
"I know what you're thinking." She says. "But you said it yourself, don't worry fighting that turtle guy. Got it? Let's just lose with dignity and vote out Rick when we get back."
"Listen alright?!" Indy says stubbornly. "There's got to be a way to beat this guy." He clicks on his radio. "Lenny what about you? Got any powers you can use, or info on this guy."
"Ah, Bentley of the Cooper Gang." Lenny says. "Deuteragonist of the Sly Cooper series. What he lacks physically he makes up for in mental prowess. The mechanical arms are just the tip of his collection of checky tricks and gadgets. Although normally they're attached to his wheel chair, He must have made some changes to his pack since Thieves in Time." Lenny pauses. "Wonder if he ever rescued Sly from Ancient Egypt?"
"Less lore, more tactics." Indy snaps.
"You could outmaneuver him?"
"Preferably something I haven't tried already Lenny."
"Oh!" Doof gasps. "What if we gang up on him unfairly all at once?"
"Alright, What the Hell?" Indy says. "If that's the best we've got then we're doing it."
"I mean, I was content to let us lose, but if you insist…" Roy says.
He, Indy, Doof and Lenny converge on Bentley.
"Bentley behind you!" Tails cries.
"I see them." Bentley assures him. He turns to the Fact Hunters on his trail and smiles. "Gentlemen I commend your efforts, but unfortunately my team's decided we've lost enough matches, so now is your turn to come in last."
"Like Hell it is." Indy shouts. "Now fellas."
All four men boost their scouters at once trying to cut him off. Bentley screeches to a halt and extends his arms out to each side of the trench, making a trip wire. Sure enough the four Fact Hunter crash into them and go sailing out of control. Bentley has only as a second to smirk before something kicks him in the chest. It's Perry.
"Perry the Platypus, you've saved us again." Doof cries.
Perry chitters irritably then raises his fist to Bentley. The turtle smiles. "So, it's a fight you want? Very well."
His arms launch out at Perry, who's quick to dodge. The other Fact Hunters, taking advantage of the distraction pass Bentley. Tails stops and looks back at the skirmish.
"BENTLEY!" He shouts. "Focus on the race!"
"In a moment!" Bentley grunts. "I'm securing our rear." He manages to corner Perry against the cliff wall.
"Aha!" Bentley cries "Thought you'd outsmart me, did you?"
He tries to seize Perry. The Platypus jumps to the side at the last moment and Bentley's arms sail pass him into one of the caves in the cliff face.
A terrible roar rumbles out of the cave loud enough to make all the racers stop in their track. Peach sighs.
"Oh dear. Now they've done it."
A great eel like beast emerges from the cliff, seizing Bentley by his mechanical arms with it maw. It shakes him around like a wolf with it's prey until with a sound like wire snapping, Bentley breaks loose from his arms and goes soaring, he hits Perry before the two crash into the opposite cliff wall. Thumbling to the bottom of the trench in a cloud of dust and loose rock.
"BENTLEY!" Shouts Short N Spunky.
"PERRRRRRY!" Doofenshmirtz wails.
"Oh my god!" Conner cries, glancing at the chaos through a pair of binoculars. "Yerdey are you seeing this!?"
Besides him Yerdey flipping through a children's book on prehistory.
"Okay for some reason Americans split up the Carboniferous into the Mississippian and the Pennsylvanian." He mumbles. "So maybe I wanted the Mississippian, and we went to the Pennsylvanian instead? No. No… I still feel like I was thinking of something else."
While he ponders that the others are all still captivated by the scene of ruin before them. Then the dust clears revealing a pile of rocks under which Perry and Bentley are struggling, otherwise completely unharmed.
"They're okay." Doof cries.
"You heard them!" Athena says. "They'll live. Now onward team! To victory!"
She and the other Fact Hunters resume their race to the finish, most of the Fact Hunters following suit. Only Short N Spunky stand still.
"Great!" Yao grumbles. "Now what?"
"I'll be fine." Amethyst insists. "He just has to manage to get out of there before the platypus-"
"How?" Tails asks. "He's paraplegic remember? He can't use his legs."
Amethyst smacks her forehead. "Crud! Forget!" She groans in distressed. "Dang it, I'd go down and help him but there's like no time, Lapis is about to cross the finish."
Suddenly Yao smiles. "Hey! I got something!"
"Dude what is it!?" Amethyst demands.
"Hurl me at the finish line!" Yao says.
"What!?"
"DO IT!"
Amethyst seizes him at flings him towards Mahri Nui. He lets a great war cry as he flies through the sea and lands on Lapis's back. The gem screams.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH GET OFF!"
Yao laughs and seizes the ribbons on the back her dress. He pulls on them like the reigns of a horse. "Not so fast though lady!" He grunts steering her back away from the finish.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" She shouts at him.
"Barrowing you!" Yao laughs. "Come on! We've got a teammate to rescue!"
"Get off of me! I'm not helping your team!"
"You want to see the Fact Hunters lose right?"
Lapis goes quiet.
Cut to Short N Spunky.
The rest of the team's still watching Bentley struggle uncertainly. They see Lapis whiz by fast as the sea can carry her, Yao hanging on to her back.
"FOR CHINNNAAAAAA!" He roars, as they dive towards Bentley and Perry. Amethyst smiles.
"That's it Yao!" Amethyst calls, she turns to Tails and Tomoko. "Alright, come on. Yao's got this. Let's get to the finish line."
Behind them the other teams are already finishing.
"In first place is Peach!" Conner cries. "Followed by Athena, Markus and Wednesday, Yae, Indiana Jones, Roy, Lenny-"
"Ordovician!"
Conner turns to look at Yerdey.
"The Ordovician." His co-host repeats. "That's what I was thinking off."
"Glad to hear it pal." Conner says. "Anyway, finishing after Lenny is-well to hell with it. Places don't matter anyway. What matters now is it's all now to Perry, Bentley, Yao and his trusted stead Lapis."
Cut to the trench floor.
Lapis and Yao arrives at the rock pile. Bentley grins up at his saviors feebly. "I'm sorry about this." He says. "I'm afraid I may have gotten carried away-"
"Save it!" Lapis commands. "Now stay back!"
She pantomimes with her hands. The waters obey her movement and great torrent surges upwards, lifting the stones off Bentley. At the finish line both the Flower Girls and Short N Spunky cheer.
"YO YOU GOT THIS LAPIS!" Markus shouts. "NOW TRAP THE LITTLE TEAL ******"
"Markus!" Peach gasps. "I thought agreed we would play more fairly then that-"
Back with the others, just as Yao's helping Bentley up Perry struggles free from the rubble and darts away.
"He's getting away!" Bentley cries.
"DESTROY HIM LAPIS!" Peach shouts "DESTROY HIM!"
"Get on guys!" Lapis shouts. Yao and Bentley hop on her back and she takes off after Perry.
"SWIM PERRY THE PLATYPUS! SWIM LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!" Doof shouts.
Perry swims has fast as it can, zipping through the water like a teal torpedo. But it's not enough. His streamlined little body, like all Platypuses the result of sixty million years of evolvtion isn't enough for to best the Alien woman and her hydrokinesis. She catches up with him effortlessly.
"Sorry it's you I had to beat. You seemed alright I guess."
Perry's panting. He chitters something at her desperately.
"Yeah. No. Can't understand that." Lapis says. "Fluttershy could, but we lost her yesterday. Now I think it's time for your team to know what that feels like." And she zooms past him, speeding ahead, right over the finish line.
The entire crowd of contestants erupts into a cacophony of noise. Indy and Doof shouting in despair. The other two teams have erupted into deafening jubilation. Markus and Peach shriek and cling to each other while Tomoko bursts into tears, meanwhile the rest of her team swarm Lapis, Yao and Bentley. Hosting them in the air like conquering heroes. And yet somehow despite all of this, no one seems happier than Conner.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!" He cries to the heavens. "YES! SHORTY N SPUNKY AND THE FLOWER GIRLS TIE FOR FIRST! FACT HUNTERS LOSE! THEY FINNALLY LOSE!"
"Rub it in why not!?" Indy barks at him sourly.
"Short N Spunky! Flower Girls!" Conner cries. "Congratulation on coming in first! Your reward is seeing a Fact Hunter go home! And also this ancient relic that's apparently worth something.
Yerdey holds up a plain looking mask. The Barraki gasp.
"Hold on!" Pridak demands. "That's the Mask of Light you've got! What makes you think you can 'ave it!?"
"And with that…" Conner says suddenly. "We bit the Bionicle universe adieu. Beam us up Jeremy!"
And he and the still celebrating contestants teleport away, leaving the poor natives of Mahri Nui in a state of shock and indignation.
Cut to the Elimination room.
A few hours later The Fact Hunters find themselves sitting in a part of the ship they've never seen before. It's a semi-circular room one floor beneath the crew quarters. Two dozen or so red plush seats are arranged to face a central position that Conner's currently occupying. The team sitting on the plush seats watching him. Everyone but Rick and Dipper look miserable.
"Fact Hunters!" Conner says jubilant as a boy on Christmas morning. "Welcome at long last, to the elimination room! I was beginning to think you'd never get to experience it before the merge."
"Oh, trust me Conner, I wasn't planning to." Rick assures him. "Then funny thing, moment I'm not there to babysit my team here we are." He smirks at his team. "Wonder what that says about things huh? W-what's the lesson there? Who needs who now huh?"
Indy and Wednesday return his look with a piercing hate stare. Besides them Beatrice ducks her head down and buries it in her dress.
"Rick, you are of course eligibly to be eliminated here too." Conner reminds him.
"Not if my team wants to go back to winning I'm ******* not." Rick laughs.
"Only one way to find out!" Conner declares. "The seats that you're sitting are all linked to escape pods and at the press of a button will drop out beneath you sending you into a pod, out of the ship and out of the game." He smiles and pumps his fist. "God! I've been waiting so long so say that to you people!"
"I though a host is supposed to be impartial." Wednesday accuses.
"Well I've got news for you sweety. This my game and I'll host it how I see fit." Conner says. "Now the fallowing are all safe…
Indiana Jones…
Wednesday…
Roy…
Lenny….
Beatrice…
Dipper…
Doofenshmirtz…"
It's down to Rick and Perry. Neither looks nervous, but Doof on the other hand is sweating bullets.
"First Fact Hunter to go home is…
…
…
Perry!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Doofenshmirtz wails.
"You hate to see it." Rick says, still smiling.
Doof grabs Conner by his collar. "Please no! He's my nemesis! You can't send him away yet!"
"Sorry Doof, But I'm not one to stand in the way of Democracy." Conner says. He turns to Perry.
"Perry the Platypus by popular vote, I'm sorry to say you've been eliminated from this game."
Perry hangs his head sadly. Conner presses a button on the console and Perry is sucked through his seat and down out of sight. Doofenshmirtz drops to his knees and wails. "Curse you Perry the Platypussssssss!"
"Why curse him?" Lenny asks.
Doof hangs his head. "For breaking my evil little heart." He says sadly.
Conner laughs awkwardly.
"God that's… tragic. But it's for a good cause." He turns to the camera. "At long last, the string of Fact Hunter invincibility is broken! Is this a simple misstep on the path to greatness? Or will the other teams smell blood in the water and continue to take them down? God I hope so! It'd make things a lot more interesting around here. Whatever the case, find out, next time. On Total! Drama! Endless!