Total Drama Endless, Episode Fifteen, Part One
...
The noise is loud enough to make his eardrum hum, the lights so bright he can see them with his eyes closed. The crowd roars with life as he dances for them.
A bright grin bisects his features as he lifts the microphone to his lips.
"Ay yo! Welcome to Camp Wocket Pocket! All you ******* ready to get this bitch poppin!?"
The crowd shrieks, their shouts of elation are condensed into one word. One name.
"Markus! Markus! Markus!"
His grin broadens as he soaks in the moment, In his head the chanting crowd merges into one voice. One (Oddly quiet) Female voice.
"Markus. … Time to wake up!"
Marked Improvement open's his eyes. There's another pair staring into his. Two familiar pools of sky-blue set in a heart shaped face and framed with golden blonde hair.
"What's good Peachy?" He yawns. His regal friend replies by blowing a party favour.
"Surprise!" She chirps, holding out something to him. Markus glances downs at his lap to see a platter of cupcakes before him. Each one with a little, mushroom, crown or gold blocks loving drawn on them with frosting.
"Damn, Peachy this is fire. What's the occasion?"
"Making it to the merge of course" Peach giggles. "Do you like them? I've had this planned for while now."
Markus laughs and grabs the one on the top of the pile. "You still crazy sometimes Peachy. You know that? Like how we gonna eat this many cupcakes?"
Peach's smiles flatters.
"Yes, well. I though there would be more of us here today."
"We all did."
Athena walks into the room, with a smile and a shake of a head.
"Even with all my wisdom, Never would I have imagined when we set out that you two would be my final teammates."
Peach gets up off Markus's bed so that she can bow to the war goddess. "It has been an honour." She says humbly.
Athena gives her a quizzical look. "Why the past tense Princess?"
Peach looks away awkwardly. "Well not we're not a team anymore. I assume you'll be looking for stronger allies."
Athena laughs. "My dear Peach remember what I said three mornings ago about supporting one another."
"Uh we thought you meant until the merge?" Markus says.
"I said until one of us wins, did I not?" Athena asks. "Our union may no longer be official, but I'd have no honour if I abandoned either one of you now."
Peach and Markus beam at her. Athena smiles back and takes a cupcake, holding it high.
"To the Flower Girls?" Peach asks.
"To Athena, Goddess of War, Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom and Marked Improvement." Athena corrects. "May Olympus never see a trio as strong, nor as close ever again."
…
After their toast and their morning grooming the Three former Flower Girls head down to the ship's cafeteria for breakfast. The other contestants have already arrived. Amethyst, Bentley, and Yao are seated closed together, still wearing their team jackets. Obviously, having no intention to break up their alliance either. The Former Fact Hunters on the other hand have seemingly gone out of their way to sit as far away from each other as possible.
Everyone's wrapping up their meal when Conner enters the room. Briming with him his usual pomp and showmanship.
"Contestants!" He announces "Welcome to the merge! Who's excited they made it this far?"
He get's twelve piercing stares of wavering severity in response. Beatrice especially seems to be giving him her most vicious glare. Conner chuckles awkwardly.
"That's for last challenge isn't it?"
"What like the one where you stuck us with the Joker? Nah. Why'd anybody be pissed about that?" Markus asks.
"I'll admit that might have been a little out of line."
"A little!?" Indy shouts hoarsely.
"You had no right working with a villain like that!" Doof yells.
"And where's my ******* reward for winning last challenge?" Rick grumbles (That earns him a glare from the other two.)
"You've disgraced yourself letting that fool just take away our teammates like that." Athena says to Conner. "How dare you have that little control over this competition."
"Okay first of all. Let me clarify something" Conner says giving Athena a dark look. "I am the God of Late Night Television you understand me? It may seem not always like it, but, and this an important time in the season to stress this, I am always, always in control of what happens in these games."
"Even being captured by those insects in Hallownest?" She probes. Conner smirks.
"Made for good television didn't it?"
Athena rolls her eyes. Conner turns to back to the others, replacing his smug tone with a more diplomatic one.
"Anyway I'm here to give you all a peace offering. I've got some good news. I've done some research, and as it just so happens to turn out, you're all wizards!"
"Sweet!" Amethyst says.
"YES!" Yao roars happily. "Wait till I tell Chien-Po."
The others look less convinced.
"Oh ha-ha. Very funny." Doof says cynically. "I've been a wizard this whole time, how come I can't will food from the fridge into my mouth when I'm siting on the couch? Because I've tried like thirty times and it never works."
"Well Doof that's probably because you've never been to wizard school." Conner explains causally. "Fortunately, I think I hear your letter of acceptance coming right now."
A large mass of brown feathers rushes pass Conner and the room erupts into chaos. Twelve owls of varying size and species have swooped into the room and each pestering a contestant. Most of whom have ducked under the tables in panic.
"NO! NO! NO! WHY ARE YOU HIDING FROM THEM!?" He shouts over the din of outraged contestants and hooting owls. "NEVER MIND JUST LEAVE THEM ON THE GROUND!"
The owls drop their letters and fly out the door they came in, hooting indignantly. Conner whips his forehead then turns back to the contestants, he grins sheepishly.
"That didn't do me any favours did it?"
…
A bout of owl attack recovery later the group waits impatiently in the transporter room. Expectations for the day already at a low.
Athena taps her foot and glances around the room, seizing up any new potential for competition from the others. She catches Amethyst staring back at her. The two nod at one another.
"Good morning." Athena says politely.
"Hey." Amethyst replies. "I'm sorry you lost Lapis. That must bite."
"Thank you. My condolences on losing your fox friend."
"Thanks." Amethyst grumbles to herself. "Man… Us Shorty's were doing great. Then we lose two teammates back-to-back and it's not even our fault."
"I can see how that would be frustrating. But at the very least you still have two loyal soldiers." Athena offers.
"Yeah." Amethyst gives her sideways look then lowers her voice. "Speaking of, I might have an offer-"
Before she can speak Conner returns, all five members of his crew trailing behind him.
"Alright, it's happening!" He says. "It's been a while since the Carboniferous so who's ready to revisit Scotland?"
"There's a wizard school in Scotland?" Doof asks.
"Yeah, I was surprised too." Peter says. Conner waves a finger at them.
"Correction you two. There's not a wizard school Scotland. There's the wizard school in Scotland. Who's ready to go to Hogwarts!?"
Some of the group cheers. Conner quickly claps again and points at them.
"Trick question! None of you. Not yet! We've got presents first."
Beside him Jeremy begins to gag. He regurgitates a cream-coloured jewelry box into Conner's hands.
"Thank you Jeremy."
He opens the box and shows its contents. Twelve silver bangles sit on a red cushion.
"You might remember that we never gave you a reward for the Rodney House challenge." He says. "Well here you are."
"You got us Jewelry?" Yao asks sounding unimpressed.
"Oh, they're beautiful Conner." Peach gushes.
She takes one and puts in on, as she's adjusting it the hammer she had won from Harley Quinn falls into her hands. Peach looks taken aback. Conner chuckles.
"They're not just jewelry. They're your inventory."
Indy presses the sides of his own bangle. A tiny holographic screen appears from it, filled with a selection of items. The others quickly start testing the bangles for themselves.
"Yo Conner! What's the idea of cramping my style?" Amethyst says shortly, glancing from her gem to the bracelet.
"Hey don't blame me. Rodney made them. He calls it Hammerspace, and it's based on his house, not your gems."
"Yeah, Yeah." Amethyst says dismissively. "I'll give you a pass just this once. I always kind of wondered why humans didn't have something like this anyway."
"Haven't we all?" Conner laughs, taking Doof's bracelet and showing it's contents to the others.
"See as Universal Studios would tell you, no Wizarding World experience is complete without accessories. And lots of them. Here in your hammerspace, you'll find everything you'll need to enroll. Couple sets of uniforms, scarves and ties in each house colour for whichever one you get (more on that later), winter coats, protective gloves, textbooks, scales, cauldrons…"
"Wands?" Markus asks.
"Those are a little more personal." Conner admits. "They have to be bought in person. So here's what I did. I sprung Garrick Ollivander from the captivity of dark wizards and had him set up in Hogsmeade, the local wizarding village. He's still a little shaky, but he'll sell you a good wand." He smiles. "Of course, since you'll be in the village anyway, I took the liberty of giving you all a thousand galleons to spend however you want."
"Great. What's the catch this time?" Roy asks.
"The catch is this is my way of apologizing for yesterday." Conner says sincerely. "This is a fictional universe people really seem to fall in love with so I want you all the enjoy yourselves. Have fun in town today and we'll bring you to the castle tonight. Alright?"
Indy glances at Peter. "Is he telling the truth?"
"Yes. I'm telling the truth this time Jones." Conner insists. "You made to the merge, you deserve a day off. Go into town, buy some souvenirs, and Yes, before you ask Markus, I'll be making an equivalent donation to a Transgender charity for all your purchases."
Markus puts his hand down and smiles. "Tight."
"What was that about?" Athena asks.
"Long story." Lenny says.
"Right." Conner says. "For real this time. Who's ready to go to Hogwarts?"
The groups cheers, and Conner beams. "That's what I like to see. Take 'em away Jeremy!"
Jeremy gurgles affirmatively. A tiny mucus covered appendage sprouts from his chest and presses a button on the console, beaming them away.
…
A moment later their location greats them with a cold gust of wind. The air is crisp and the sky's a perfect blue, unobstructed but for Conner's ship floating above them. They've materialized on the outskirts of a rural village surrounding by small mountains. Most of the buildings are built in the traditional drab Scottish style of grey stone with pointed roofs of brown tiles. Whatever dreariness the scene inspires however is cast away from the shop's bay windows. Which glow with a warm light and buzz with the sounds of merry people inside. The contestants begin to disperse, looking around in with mild interest.
"What a pretty little village." Peach says. "Markus this is another world you're familiar with isn't it?"
Markus makes a face. "I mean I know of it, but I'm not like all that knowledgeable."
"If you're looking for something to do, I'd suggest Honeydukes."
Lenny's walked over to him, his usual Cheshire grin on full display today.
"What would that be the local tavern?" Athena asks.
"The local sweet shop." Lenny corrects. "Harry Potter is a series known for it's sweets, Chocolate Frogs, Every Flavour Beams, the works. I've had the real-world versions but I'd see how they compare to the sweets in universe."
"Enough!" Peach says, eyes wide. "You had me at sweets. Let's go!"
She grabs Lenny's hand and the run off into the village. Markus laughs.
"Yo you coming Athena?"
The goddess smiles. "I'll pass. No dessert here could compare to ambrosia."
Markus nods. "Tight. We'll find you when we're done aight?"
And he chases off after his friend.
...
An hour later Indiana Jones is standing at the far end of the village a staring down a boarded-up shop on the main road.
He glances down at the note he found in his Hammerspace. Sure enough on the shop's sign matches the wand sellers.
Ollivander's Hogsmeade, Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. It reads in faded letters.
"Troubling isn't it?"
Doofenshmirtz has walked over to him.
"Mildly." Indy agrees still looking at the shop. "Maybe there's a secret way in Conner forget to mention."
"What? No not that." Doof says. "I was talking about Beatrice."
He points across the busy road. There surrounded by local witches and wizards Beatrice is mopping about in an aimless fog of misery.
"Poor thing." Doof says sympathetically. "I was so hard on her about Rick and wouldn't you know she was right! Now look at her, all worked up about yesterday."
"Good for her." Indy says distractedly. Doof turns and gives him a reproachful look.
"Look Doc. I'm sorry but I don't care." Indy says defensively. "Were not on a team anymore, so she's not my problem. If she's that miserably we can vote her out."
Doof's eyes narrow. "You know on second thought maybe it's best you're not interested in her. Especially with your... " He clears his throat." …standards on dating."
The scientist marches off grumpily. Indy sighs and turns his attention back to the shop.
"Dr Jones!"
"Now what?"
He looks up again. Peter Quill's just materialised from around a corner.
"Hey sorry, Conner forgot to tell you. It's too dangerous for Ollivander to be in his shop so we've got him in a local safehouse."
Indy shakes his head. "Of course he is."
"Come on I'll show you where his at." Peter offers. And he leads Indy down a side road.
"How you holding up after last challenge Jones?"
Indy gives him a wry smile. "Better than I've been all game."
Peter looks surprised. "Why's that? Didn't like the team?"
"I like working alone. With that group I was babysitting half the time." He smirks. "Now I can get back to only worrying about myself."
Peter nods. "That does seem more your speed." He smiles. "Your probably gonna like what we've got in store for this half of the game. I just wish I could be there to see it."
"What?"
"I mean uh… This is the place."
They've stopped in front a small shabby looking pub. The dirty sign above the door reads, The Hog's Head.
"Anyway this is the place." Peter repeats. "I'm gonna show some the others where to find it. Nice talking doc!"
And he runs off before Indy can get a word it. The archeologist watches him leave suspiciously, then walks inside. The place is small, dingy and smells strongly of something that might be goats. A man sits behind the counter that matches Indy's preconceived mental picture of a wizard, Long robe like overcoat, silver hair and beard, and bright blue eyes.
"Are you Ollivander?" Indy asks.
"I'm not." The Barkeep replies gruffly. "Who's asking?"
Indy pauses for a moment on how to reply.
"An associate of Mr O'Gleeson." He finally settles on. The barkeep nods curtly and steps aside, revealing a staircase behind him.
"This way."
At the top of the stairs is small sitting room with a fire burning. Above the fire is a seemingly the only well cared for object in the building, a portrait of a young woman, gazing serenely off into the distance and (To Indy's fascinating) moving slightly in her frame as if she were alive.
Indy pauses for a moment. Transfixed on the painting.
"Never seen a wizard painting, have you?" Croaks a voice.
Peeling his eyes away from the girl. Indy look down. There siting in a chair surrounded by thin boxes in front of the fire is a the emaciate frame of a man, His pale sunken eyes set on Jones.
"I'll take it your Ollivander then. Doctor Henry Jones, Professor of Archeology, Marshall College."
"Charmed." The old man says giving him a weak handshake. "You must excuse my health. Unfortunately, you and your friends are visiting us at a dark time."
"Trolls and Goblins out of control?" Indy guesses, only half serious. Ollivander chuckles.
"No. No. They've caused no more trouble than they usually do." He says weakly. "Our woes lay in the hearts of men. Those that have been corrupted by cruel ambition. That and as always the talk of blood purity."
The words take Jones to his own time. To pyres of burning books in the streets of Berlin and the animalistic hatred the people there have the gal to call an ideology.
"You have my sympathy." He says setting down in a chair across from Ollivander. "They have the same problem where I come from."
The old man smiles tiredly. "I don't mean to trouble you with bad memories." He says dismissively. "Now. Let us talk wands."
...
While the Hog's head's dark and deserted quite the opposite's true at Hogsmeade's other pub, The Three Broomsticks. The place is crowded with merry wizards rubbing elbows under the torchlight. Some of whom spare Doofenshmirtz a passing glance. None of this really register with him. he only has eyes for the lonely girl siting by herself.
"This seat taken?" Doof asks pulling up a chair next to Beatrice. She doesn't response so he takes her lack of complaining as an invitation to sit down.
"So… We finally made it to the merge huh?" He says conversationally. "Excited to go to Wizard School tonight?"
Again silence. Doof sighs and drops his act.
"Look I'll be the bigger evil scientist here." He says. "You were right about Rick and I wasn't. I'm sorry."
Beatrice wordlessly moves her chair away from him.
"Oh don't be like that." Doof begs. "This is the merge remember? All that Fact Hunter stuff is behind us. We can start fresh and be friends! How's that sound?"
Beatrice suddenly gets up and storms off.
"Wait! Don't go!" Doof cries. "Was it something I said?"
A second later he get's his answer. The front door of the pub swings open and in struts none other than Rick Sanchez. Standing tall on two perfectly healed legs.
"Alright listen up luddites!" He pulls a fist full of galleons out of hammerspace and slammed them down on the counter. "DRINKS ARE ON ME BITCH!"
The wizards roar with delight and raise their tankards to him. Rick smirks broadly. He's eye's meet Doof's.
"YO DOC!"
Doof grimaces as Rick walks over to his table.
"Rick what an unexpected surprise." Doof says awkwardly. "What happened to your legs?"
"Magic!" Rick says jubilantly. "Unlike that **** hole Falconia it's legal and free following here. Just saw a Healer and he had me cured in thirty seconds."
"No kidding. It's almost as if everything that happened yesterday was pointless." Doof says trying to contain his disgust. Rick laughs loudly.
"Right? This game's ******** but that doesn't matter. Listen doc, this is great news for us understand? I'm back to my old self and we've got no more Fact Hunter ******** weighing us down. I'd say it's high time for us to get back to running this game? What'd you say doc?"
"Yeah? Why would I want to do that?" Doof asks. Rick stops and looks at him in surprise. He laughs.
"Jesus Doc, don't tell me you're pissed about yesterday right? Because it's a ******* game show, people keep secrets."
"And Beatrice?"
"She's a whiny little bitch. What about her?"
Doof gets up.
"I've changed my mind." He says stiffly. "I don't need your Rick Promise. I'm going to find a way to get to the finale myself."
Rick frowns. "Doof. No, you don't want to go back on this. Think of your daughter."
"I am." Heinz Doofenshmirtz growls with surprising ferocity. And he storms away leaving Rick alone at his table. The old scientists face contorts with several different emotions. Shame, loathing, sadness, then fury as he swivels back towards the direction Doof left.
"BIG MISTAKE DOC! YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE THAT GO BACK ON RICK ******* SANCHEZ!"
He collapses back into his chair defeatedly. The tavern keeper, a pretty middle aged woman walks over to his table.
"Can I get something for the man kind enough to pay for all my regulars?" She asks.
Rick sighs.
"Give me as much liquor you're allowed to serve me."
…
Several care free hours later and it's already beginning to grow dark when Athena emerges from the Hogsmeade Post Office. She had been visiting the owls, as she had a great fondness for the birds. And what magnificent owls they had had. It was almost a shame they weren't staying in this world, otherwise she would have liked to own one. Though of course she enough things to look after as it was.
"ATHENA!"
Speaking of which, Peach, Markus and Lenny come bounding up to her like school children let of class. Athena smiles.
"How was the sweet shop you three?"
"It was positively the most wonderful place I've been too!" Peach says twirling in delight.
"Yo you should see how much candy she's got in her little arm inventory thingy." Markus laughs.
"I couldn't help it! It was all so delicious."
"And I'm happy to report Universal Studios isn't anywhere close to doing real Chocolate Frogs justice." Lenny reports.
"Oh! That reminds me!"
Peach presses the bangle on her wrists, and scrolls through the screen of items that appears before pulling out a bundle of pentagon shaped cards.
"They come with the chocolates!" She says excitedly. "Lenny got me collecting. He says this one is from the same kingdom you're from Athena."
She passes one to the Goddess.
"Herpo the Foul." Athena reads. "Not a mortal name I recognize but if he truly created the Basilisk like he claims then he'd be quite the character."
"Uh speaking of character and ****. Lenny what's the name of that ****** in the books that's like, real big?" Markus asks.
"You mean Hagrid?" Lenny asks. "What about him?"
"Endless! Endless this way!"
They spin around. Making his way down the main street is a man twice the size of anyone around him. He's three metres tall and His face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild, tangled beard. He wears a long mole skin jacket and holds a lantern up to chest height.
"You bunch look like you could be who I'm looking for." He says marching over to them. "You'll be part of the Endless cast then?"
"You know it." Markus says. The giant beams.
"Brilliant. Rubeus Hagrid, Hogwarts groundskeeper at your service." He says extending a dustbin cover sized hand to each of them. "I'm to escort you to the school."
"Pleasure to meet you Hagrid." Lenny says, shaking the man's thumb with both hands.
"Likewise." Hagrid says. "So. How'd you folks enjoy Hogsmeade? You lot alright and all that?"
Lenny beams. "I just took Princess Peach on and date to Honeydukes and now I'm speaking to you. So I dare say I'm better than a geeky Brit could ever hope to be."
Hagrid tosses his hair. "Ah, you say that now. Wait till we get to Hogwarts."
...
Soon enough they've collected the others and make there way down the path out of the village, past the local train station, the down a steeper narrower path. Dense trees loom around them in the grounding darkness, as Hagrid's lantern bobs above like a fairy.
"You'll get your first sight of it here in a sec." He calls over his shoulder. "Just round this bend."
Suddenly the contestants stop in their tracks and there's a great deal of ohs and ahs. The path has just opened up to the edge of a great black lake. There, perched on a cliff and nestled along a mountain on the far shore is a vast medieval castle. It's many windows twinkling in the darkness.
"Impressive." Indy says.
"Remarkable." Bentley says.
"Big ******* deal." Rick says loudly. He looks a little flushed from the pub. "You seen one castle you've seen 'em all." He reaches for his flask. "Besides, not that it matters, but Falconia was better."
"Anyone care what this idiot thinks?" Yao asks. He gets some scattered laugher from the others. Rick frowns.
"Right then. Settle down you lot." Hagrid says. "Three to a boat everyone."
He points to a fleet of little wooden boats sitting in the water by the shore. The cast quickly distributes themselves into four of them. Roy and Lenny end up sharing with Rick after some hesitation.
"Everyone in?" Hagrid shouts. He has a boat all to himself. "Right then- FORWARD."
All at once the little pint size armada begin gliding across the lake towards the castle.
"What about it Peachy?" Markus says. (The three Flower Girls having natural chosen the same boat.) "Remind you of home?"
"Oh no. My castle isn't nearly as big as this." Peach says gazing up in wonder.
Hagrid chuckles. "Trust me. This castle will feel like home soon enough. Best home most of it's student will ever know dare I say." He turns back to look at them again. He hasn't stopped smiling since they've meet him.
"If you ask me, I'm glad you lot are here." He says softly. "Everyone's so scared of You-Know-Who lately, I think we needed something like this. Now duck your head!"
The boats pass under the cliff and into a dark tunnel underneath the castle until they reach a small underground harbour.
From there they scramble up a passage in the rock after Hagrid's lamp. Coming up onto the damp grass of the castle's lawn. Another flight of steps later and they've arrived at a large oak door. Hagrid raises a mighty fist and knocks on it three times. They swing open at once.
"Hagrid!" Conner says standing in the open doorframe. "Here you are at last. I hope my contestants didn't give you to much trouble?"
"None at all Mr O'Gleeson sir." Hagrid says cheerfully. "I'm used to working with student twice as young and twice as numerous I am. This lot were angels in comparison."
"Sounds out of character for them, but whatever you say." Conner says "I'll take them from here."
"Yo we finally doing a challenge or what?" Amethyst asks.
"In due time." Conner insists. "Now follow me."
They say goodbye to Hagrid as Conner leads them across the school's vast entrance hall. To their right a door buzzes with the voices of hundreds of teenagers. Conner marches them past it however, herding them into a small cramped corridor off the hall.
"Alright this is it! You made it to Hogwarts!" He says. "Before we get started here, we're going to need to sort you people into your houses. For those not in the know, Hogwarts has four personality-based clubs it sorts all it's students into. Trust me on this they're a huge deal alright? It basically inspired a decade of YA literature with a bunch of little cliques the reader could identify with. Here at Hogwarts they have Gryffindor for the brave kids, Ravenclaw for those nerds that like to read, Slytherin for the ambitious kids, (which the books interoperate as evil) and finally there's Hufflepuff."
"What do they do?" Yao asks.
"Good question." Conner says. "I don't know, didn't read that far into the notes Jeffrey gave me. Anyway, I already went in there and warned everyone you're coming, so who's ready to head on down to the Great Hall and go through an elaborate ceremony in front of the entire student body to discover their place in the magical high school caste system?"
"But what purpose does that serve if we're only staying here for a challenge?" Athena asks.
"Another good question." Conner says. "Now come on. Let's go."
He ushers them back out of the corridor and through the door to the right. As they swing open it takes some of the contestants a minute to adjust to what they're seeing.
The castles main dining hall is lain out before them. Radiant in the light of thousands of floating candles and the moon shining down from a nearly transparent ceiling. Four long tables are set along the length of the room, briming with young wizards in grey school uniforms. At the end of the hall there's another long table on a raised platform where the teachers are siting. At the very centre of them, there's a man that must be the headmaster, another silver bearded wizard sitting in an ornate chair. As the door closes behind them all eyes in the room swivel to the newcomers.
"This way." Conner says quietly.
He leans the cast past the student tables. Teenagers pointing and mummering at them as they pass.
"Yo why are they staring at us?" Amethyst whispers.
Conner chuckles. "Well I hate to break it to you, but you're a pretty weird looking group. That and you're out of uniform."
"That's entirely fair." Bentley says.
As they reach the staff table. The headmaster rises to meet them. His blue eyes twinkling behind half moon spectacles. He's wearing long robes the same colour.
"Ah, here at last are the visitors you promised us Conner." He says smiling at the contestants. "My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am to combine the opinions of a great many people; A scoundrel, a menace, a genius, a very great wizard, daft, dangerous, mad, wise, invaluable, and a crackpot old fool. However, the one thing everyone can agree is that I am Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And that I am very pleased to have you here with us tonight."
He offers his good right hand to them, his other is black and withered, seemingly more like the hand of a corpse than a living man.
"Man, how'd you jack up your hand like that?" Amethyst asks bluntly. Conner shoots her a warning look. But Albus merely chuckles.
"That is unfortunately a story too long and too irrelevant to tell today. However, before we exchange any more pleasantries, I'd like for you all to officially become part of our Hogwarts family first. Mr Filch if you please."
An old hunched over man with a bald spot on his head and a shabby brown overcoat drags a stool and an old wizarding hat before them.
"Once the sorting hat has seen to you please go sit at the house table where I'm sure your fellow students will receive you warmly." Albus smiles. "All except you Doctor Jones. If you stand aside for a moment, I have a request for you in particular."
"Alright." Indy says uncertainly, stepping away from the others.
A teacher in a pointed hat and emerald robes stands up and summons a scroll of parchment with her wand.
"We will begin with those without surnames." She says "Athena of Olympus. Step forward and don the sorting hat."
Athena marches up to the stool and removes the bronze hoplite helmet she always has perched on her head. She puts on the wizard hat. As soon as it touches her dark hair, a seam on it's brim tears open and a voice comes booming out of it.
"RAVENCLAW!"
The second table from the left breaks into respectable applause and Athena walks down to join them. The teens gazing up as the statuesque goddess with a mix of uncertainty and curiosity.
"Amethyst!" The teacher calls.
Amethyst rushes over excitedly and seizes the hat, pulling it down over her eyes. It takes a moment before it makes its decision.
"SLYTHERIN!"
"YES!" Amethyst roars. "I'm one of the cool kids! Eat it!"
She runs down to the table second from the right. This time there's no applause as she sits down.
"Sup fellas?" She says confidently.
The Slytherins glare suspiciously at her. Amethyst laughs awkwardly.
"Heh. Tough crowd."
Back at the front of the hall the teacher makes her way down the list. And Beatrice and Bentley quickly become another Slytherin and Ravenclaw respectively.
Rick laughs as he watches Beatrice slink over the Slytherin table, glaring at her feet all the while.
"What a shock, Little Miss Victim Complex is in the evil house." Rick says loudly. "Wonder what that says about her?"
"Not now Rick" Lenny urges.
"Yeah, shut up." Roy says, punctuating the remark with a fist to Rick's groin. The Scientist swears loudly and doubles over.
"Sorry." Roy smiles. "No. No I'm not. That was a lie. I've been looking for an excuse to do that for a while now."
"If you please." The teacher calls over to them. Lenny gives her a salute.
"Our apologies Professor McGonagall! Won't happen again."
Professor McGonagall shakes her head wearily. "To continue…" She says. "Our final new student without a surname. Yao! Step forward."
"I have a family name!" Yao says indignantly. "It's…" He pauses. "Huh. Why can't I remember it?"
Rick looks up suddenly and stares at Yao. Who shrugs and places the sorting hat over his top knot.
"GRYFFINDOR!" It roars.
The table to the left applauds modestly.
"Moving to those with Surnames." McGonagall calls over the clapping. "We have Brown, Roy!"
The hat seems to take a surprisingly long time before it decides Roy is (As the other contestants would have suspected) A Slytherin. By sharp contrast, it has no issue deciding Lenny Burmley and Heinz Doofenshmirtz are the casts first two Hufflepuffs. The Table on the right cheers loudly for both of them. Greeting their newcomers with far more enthusiasm than the other houses.
"Obasi, Markus!" McGonagall calls.
Markus dances up to the stool cheerfully.
"Yo Hogwarts what's good!? Ya'll ready for this ******* right here?"
Only a few students are polite enough to cheer that. Markus doesn't seem bothered. The man's grinning ear to ear. Clearly at home in front of an audience.
"Mr Obasi. The hat if you please." McGonagall urges as Markus begins to dance for the houses.
"Uh, Mr Obasi was the Nigerian **** that stepped out on my mom. Aight? My name's Markus, Marked Improvement, Mr Danny Glover Jr, or if ya'll be feeling real ****** up, HalfChubHubby37."
"Just put on the hat Mr Obasi."
"Aight."
He places the hat on his head and waits for a moment.
"SLYTHERIN!" It calls.
Amethyst cheers, around her there's chorus of groans from the rest of the Slytherin table.
"Aight, not what I had in mind, but I'll work with it." Markus says dancing down to his new house. Peach watches him nervously.
"I hope we're in the same house." She says.
"If you think you're gonna be Slytherin don't get your hopes up." Rick says.
"Sanchez, Richard." McGonagall calls. Rick smirks.
"Wish me luck."
He marches up to the stool and dons the Sorting Hat confidently. Nothing. There's a full minute of silence, where both Rick and the Hat seem to be in deep concentration before it finally screams.
"RAVENCLAW!"
"YES!" Rick roars. He cackles and shows Slytherin house his two favorite fingers.
"SUCK MY DICK SNAKEY BOYS! BEATRICE IS IN YOUR LITTLE NAZI HOUSE AND I'M NOT BITCH! I'M ******* RAVENCLAW RIIIIIIIICK!"
He punts the hat down like an American football and swaggers over to the Ravenclaw table. Both his new house and the faculty look uncomfortable.
"Yes, well. After that…performance, we have our final new student." McGonagall says brushing off the hat. "Toadstool, Peach."
Peach walks over feeling uncharacterizable timid. She can feel ever eye in the room rested on her, waiting to see if she'll make a fool of herself like Rick and Markus.
After what seems like an eternity, she reaches the stool, carefully takes the crown off her head and places it in her lap then places the sorting hat on her head. Resisting the urge to jab it down over her eyes.
The room waits silently for the hat to respond.
"Why isn't it working?" Peach thinks to herself. "They're all looking at me. Have I done something wrong?"
"With all due respect your majesty…" Croaks a little voice in her ear. "…some people are not as easily sorted as others."
She does her best to ignore the voice and scans the room, trying to find something else to focus on. She finds it in a boy with round glasses and jet-black hair seated at the Gryffindor table.
"Hmm…" The hat says. "Interesting. There is much more to you than there appears my dear. They're things buried in here I wouldn't have expected."
The boy must be one of the few people not looking at her. He seems to be focused instead on a conversation with two friends, a redhaired boy and girl with bushy hair. She tries forcing herself to focus purely on the trio banishing all others thoughts. Yet a mantra keeps creeping into her mind.
"Let me be Slytherin, let me see Markus, let me be with my friend."
"Slytherin you say?" The voice sounds humoured. "Yes, I can see it now. Deep in you there is someone who would thrive in that house. But ah… The rest of you disagrees my dear. You're too loyal, too kind, too dare I say it modest. No Slytherin won't do at all. You'd do better in Gryffindor, but where I truly think you belong is HUFFLEPUFF!"
The hat bellows the last word to the whole room. Lenny, Doof and the other Hufflepuffs roar with delight as Peach joins them, trying not to look too disappointed.
"Glad to have you on board Princess!" Lenny says happily.
"Yeah, welcome to the club!" Doofenshmirtz says patting on the back. "I know how you feel, I wanted Slytherin too of course but these guys seem pretty cool."
"We're more than cool, we're one the best houses you can land in, we just don't like to brag is all." A stout blonde sixteen-year-old says grabbing Peach's hand and shaking it. "I'm Ernie Macmillan. One of your two Hufflepuff prefects, and we're glad to have you here aren't we Hannah?"
A girl with a blonde ponytail waves to Peach from a few seats down. Peach waves back.
"Thank you. You do all seem very nice. I'm sure I'm going to enjoy being a Hufflepuff. Even if it is only for tonight."
She, Doof and Lenny socialize with their new house for a while longer before the hall goes silent. Filch has moved the Hat away and replaced it with a lectern. Dumbledore rises to it and clears his throat.
"And now if you don't mind. Our guest's host Mr O'Gleeson will explain his contestants challenge before we commence with dinner."
Peach and the other contestants snap to attentions as Conner takes his place at the lectern
"Alright hello everyone It's Conner again I…" He pauses and locks eyes with several of the students. "I'm sorry. I know I brought this up earlier but you all look just different enough from your actors that it's making me feel weird. I keep mentioning it because I've meet most of them, Tom, Rupert, Emma, Daniel and the works and you all kinda of look like them and kind of don't, it's freaky. Also check out this guy." He gestures behind him at a teacher with a hooked nose and long greasy black hair. "Severus back here looks way younger than Alan Rickman." Conner says. "I can kind of get where the sexy fanart's coming from. Rawr I am right ladies?"
Dead silence. The entire room stares at him. Severus meanwhile seems like he's trying to glare a hole through the back of Conner's head.
"Alright beautiful, I can check bombing at Hogwarts off my bucket list." Conner grins. "Anyway. I know you're all hungry so I'll make this quick. Contestants, your challenge will begin tomorrow night at the Halloween feast. Until then, you'll go to your classes and get accustoms to things. That is all, have a good night and a good supper!"
Mummers of confusion ring out across the hall as Conner turns away from the lectern.
"What was that?" Indy says angrily. The archeologist still standing besides the staff table.
"Not sure what you mean by that Jones." Conner chuckles. "I didn't think it was that ambiguous?"
"Don't play dumb with me O'Gleeson." Indy growls. "Why are you dragging out the challenge like this?"
"Could we maybe discuses this somewhere private?" Conner asks jerking his head towards a door behind the staff table. They enter into a smaller chamber with a roaring fireplace. The walls are lined with portraits, all of whom stop what they're doing and stare at the two men.
"I'll hardly call this private." Indy grumbles.
"Well it's the best we got." Conner says pulling up a chair by the fire and gesturing to another one besides him. "Now look. I know you're still suspicious of me after the whole Joker affair. But I'm telling you today and tomorrow are gifts alright? They're breather episodes, don't think to hard about it and just enjoy them."
"A breather for what?" Indy asks.
"What'd you want me to spoil it?" Conner laughs.
"I'd like you to tell me what we're up against." Indy demands.
"Wouldn't you rather know why you weren't sorted?"
Indy opens his mouth to object then pauses and considers it.
"Well… yes…" He admits reluctantly. "But…"
"Well I'll tell you!" Conner interjects. "See here at Hogwarts one of the electives is for Muggle Studies. As in the study of non-magical people. And well, me and old Dumbledore were thinking it's not everyday they have a non-magical college professor show up around here."
"You want me to teach classes?" Indy asks surprised.
"Just for as long as you'll be staying here."
"How long will that be?"
"I don't know, It's out of my control."
"You said everything on this show was under your control!" Indy shouts. Conner laughs again.
"All will be revealed tomorrow night, okay? That's a promise. I know that doesn't mean anything to you but I swear I'm telling the truth. Now will you do the teaching job? They'll pay you and everything. I swear."
Indy watches his host suspiciously.
"Fine." He says finally. "But everything better make sense after tomorrow."
Conner smiles. "It will." He rises from his chair and makes to leave. "So lighten up a little alright? Christ. You're at Hogwarts for god's shake. Interacting with all the iconic people and places, and whatnot? This is escapism for a lot of our viewers. Something last I checked you fictional characters do best."
…
Shortly after Conner's announcement whatever mixed feeling the other contestants had on the matter had been greatly mitigated by the magical appearance of their supper. Then they had been rounded up to by their prefects and taken back to there house common room.
About an hour after this Markus's lounging on a black leather sofa, looking around curiously at his surroundings. The Slytherin common rooms is deep in the castle's basement. Despite the fire crackling under the elaborately carved mantlepiece the room feels cold and detached, with it's sickly green lamps and it's dark ornate furniture. Their school mates hadn't done much to help the matter. In fact the only words spoken to the contestants so far had come from their female prefect, Pansy Parkinson and they had been curt and utilitarian. Now she and the other Slytherins were glaring at Markus and the other newcomers. Their male prefect, one Draco Malfoy had gone to bed as soon as they had returned to their common room.
"So how do I look?"
Amethyst has just walked into the room wearing her school uniform. Markus smiles.
"You look tight dawg."
"Sweet dawg!" Amethyst replies cheerfully, flopping down next to Markus. "So uh anyway. Since my boys got sorted into different houses, I'll need a posse for tonight and tomorrow? You in Markus?"
Markus grins. "**** it. Why not. I ain't got no friends in this house either. Let's chill Shortie."
"Sweet! Yo Beatrice! Randy! You want in on this?"
Beatrice who's let her hair auburn hair down as part of her uniform doesn't acknowledge them. Roy smirks his usually smug smirk.
"It's Roy." he says inspecting the mantlepiece. "And I prefer to work alone."
Amethyst shrugs. "Alright not sure that's gonna help you in the merge but suit yourself." She scans the rest of the room. "You what about the rest of my snaky peeps? Anyone want to hang out with the cool kids?"
Pansy Parkinson lets out a shrill laugh.
"Isn't it bad enough we have to put up with you here?" She asks them. "Stinking up our ancestral common room with your filth."
"A bunch of Mudblood. In Slytherin house." laments a black student boredly. "That Blood traitor Dumbledore must have lost his mind."
Some of the younger student's giggle. Some of them can't be more than eleven.
Amethyst laughs. "Uh… I'm not sure what your little slang term means but I'm pretty sure we have a right to be here. We're wizards like you right Markus?"
"Nah." Markus says causally. "Wizards are played out. I want be like a ******* Warlock or something."
"Aw dude, that sounds way cooler." Amethyst agrees. "But anyways we can do magic like you guys see? Watch this I've been practicing."
She pulls out her wand from hammerspace and waves it about. Purple sparks shoot from its tip half heartedly.
"Ta-da! Magic son!"
The Slytherins break their cold demeaner and cackle at her mercilessly
"Oh that is pathetic!" A blonde girl howls.
"Is that why you look so ugly?" Pansy shrieks. "Turned yourself pink and stupid waving that wand around like a baboon?"
The Slytherins continue laughing. Markus watches awkwardly.
"Yo ignore them." He whispers to Amethyst. To his surprise the gem smirks.
"No, No. She got me good. Yo Parkinson is that all you got?"
"I think so." Pansy jeers between bouts of laughter. "If you're as stupid as you look you'd probably be too thick to understand anymore."
Amethyst chuckles at that. "It's true. I do look pretty stupid." She raises an eyebrow. "Wanna see me look stupider?"
She shapeshifts into a purple replica of Pansy.
"Ooo. Stop being so ugly! You're stealing my title!" She cries in a shrill voice.
The younger Slytherins giggle. Pansy suddenly looks like she's swallowed something bitter.
"What is that!? That's not me!" She cries.
"Right. No. I'm clearly not doing you justice." Amethyst says.
She inflates her buttocks and gives herself a pig snout.
"Much better!" Markus laughs.
"I'm Pansy Parkinson! Who let you in the common room!? Now everyone's gonna know how big my butt is!" She shrieks slapping her backside. "HONK! HONK! HONK!"
The common room roars with laughter.
"She got you good Parkinson!" An older boy snickers.
"Shut it Nott!" Pansy snarls, before glaring at Amethyst. "Who do you think you are you filthy Mudblood? I'm your prefect! How dare you!?"
Amethyst transforms into Dumbledore.
"How dare you talk back to your headmaster!? I should spank you across that giant bubble butt!"
The rooms unconcealable now. Pansy gives Amethyst a final savage look and runs of to her dormitory. Some of the student applaud.
"You're really cool for standing up to Pansy." A twelve-year-old gushes.
"What kind of transfiguration is that?" The black student, Blaise Zabini asks.
"Just something I was born with my dude." Amethyst says transforming back into herself and stealing Pansy's chair by the fire. "You think that was impressive you should have seen me transform into a giant bug that time we when back to the prehistoric era."
Several of the younger students gasp.
"You guys have time travelled?" One of them squeaks.
"Oh yeah." Amethyst says causally. "We've done lots of things. Markus my man! What's your favorite challenge?"
Markus taps his chin. "Uh got to be like some of the early ones. I Liked Los Santos, Rodney House was tight. Oh! And Pinata island! Yeah, whole placed filled with little ******* filled with candy. It was cute."
At the mention of candy the young Slytherins swarm around him.
"Tell us more! Tell us more!"
Markus and Amethyst smirk at each other.
"Yeah." He says. "We gonna make this work aight."
…
"You have no idea how excited I am to have you Professor Jones."
It's the next morning and dark clouds have rolled in over the Scottish Highlands, threating to make Halloween night a rainy one. Not that the weather is top of Indy's mind however.
He's standing in the Muggle Studies classroom, having changed from his field clothes to his tweed three-piece suit, rendering him nearly unrecognizable from his usual gruff self. The woman before him is the usual Muggle Studies teacher. Charity Burbage. Her bubbly demeaner combined with her long blonde hair and yellow vest brings to mind the image of a canary. Or at least it does to Jones.
"With Muggle-Wizard relations what they're like now and You-Know-Who active again I positively can't think of a better way to bridge divide between our kind than to have an actual Muggle teach class here at Hogwarts."
She says all this very quickly.
"Happy to be of service." Indy says uncertainly. "Now Conner wasn't exactly clear what this class covers? Social studies? History? Science? Economics?"
"Yes. All of those." Charity says. Indy scratches his neck.
"Okay how to explain it… Um. I'm not sure I'm qualified. They may not have told you but the year is 1939 where I'm from. I'm not exactly up to date with the modern world."
"Oh that's fine my love." Charity says dismissively. "After all Muggles can't have changed too much in the past sixty years."
"Right..." Indy says skeptically. "Uh… what's the teaching mineral then? Do you have any films? Any slides I could show?
Charity stares at him blankly. Indy sighs.
"Any textbook?"
"Oh yes!"
Charity hands him a variety of books, Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles by Wilhelm Wigworthy, My Life as a Muggle by Daisy Hookum, and Muggles Who Notice by Blenheim Stalk. Indy raises an eyebrow.
"I meant uh… Muggle textbooks."
Charity beams. "I like the way you think."
She hurries behind her desk and pulling out a dusty book.
"Purchased this myself from a Muggle bookstore." She says proudly. "With pounds instead of galleons and everything."
She hands him a worn copy of the Children's Britannica Yearbook from 1962. Indy stares at it for a long while.
"What'd you think?" Charity breathes.
"I think I'm in for a long day." Indy says.
…
Hogwarts classes at it turns out are usually split between two houses. When Markus, Roy and Beatrice sit down for Defense Against the Dark Arts, their last class of the day, they find Yao and the sixth year Gryffindors already there.
"What's good?" Markus asks. Siting down next to Yao.
Yao shrugs. "Nothing. Where's Amethyst?"
"Oh she's said she got game business to take care of so she ditchin'"
Close to Yao one of the Gryffindors fumbles her books. It's one of the boy with the spectacles friends, the girl with bushy hair.
"She can't do that." She says looking stricken. "There are serious consequences for-"
"Mind your own house Granger." Pansy snaps at her.
"Ay yo, Parkinson we haven' a conversation here. You mind not buttin in bubble butt?" Markus asks.
The Slytherins snicker at Pansy who suddenly becomes very interested in her textbook. The Gryffindors look impressed.
"Blimey. How'd you get them to turn on Parkinson?" The Red-Haired boy asks.
"Slytherin secret." Markus smirks.
The classroom door opens and all gossiping dies. Severus Snape has just entered the room.
"Parchments on my desk." He said in a tone both drawling and impatient at once. "The essays I assigned you on the 16th are due, and Weasley if your grammar is as oafish as your last attempt at writing it'll be twenty points from Gryffindor."
The students mutely rose and presented their assignments. Only the five newcomers stay put.
"Yo I thought you taught potions or some ****?" Markus asks gazing around the grim illustrations in the room with his arms folded behind his head and his sneakers on propped up on his desk.
Snape's cold eyes shift to him.
"Ah yes." He says with the same silky delivery Wednesday Addams so enjoyed. "How callous of me. I've neglected to acknowledge our esteemed guests."
"Yeah. It's fine I forgive you." Markus smiles. His fellow Slytherins suddenly look alarmed.
Snape's eyes narrow. "My, my such modesty. Potter you could learn a thing or two from Mr Obasi."
The boy with the round glasses' glares at Snape.
"Uh, It's actually Markus." Markus corrects. "I don't know if you heard last night but…"
"I was there Mr Obasi." Snape says coldly. "Unfortunately for you we have a certain way of doings here at Hogwarts and you'll forgive me for not bending them to your will like so many others here."
His attention is directed at all four of his new students now, as he passes between the desks.
"Mr Brown. Would you care to tell me why Miss Amethyst is not sitting before us at the moment?"
"Oh I'd love to." Roy says. "Seems she doesn't care about your class sir."
"I see." Snape says softly. "As for the rest of you, despite only becoming wand users yesterday your host and our headmaster seem to thing not only are you capable of attending our school but indeed you belong in my N.E.W.T. level sixth year Defense Against the Dark Arts class."
"Uh yeah." Markus says. "I mean like we did fight ****** Eggman bruh. I bet you with a little training we could take down that pasty ****** Voldemort."
The students gasp. Snape's lip curls.
"Is that so?" He asks. "Well then. In that case why don't you demonstrate your skills for us Mr Obasi? After all if you're ready to face the Dark Lord, a simple test will be nothing to you."
"Aight." Markus says.
Snape waves his wand the desks around them disperse, giving the two of them a ring to do combat in.
"Whenever you're ready Mr Obasi." Snape says bowing curtly to him.
"Okay." Markus says. "Uh… right. Harry Potter spells uh… hold up let me thi-"
Snape acting with surprising speed draws his wand at Markus. There's a flash of light and the Rapper's hanging from his ankles in midair.
"YO!" He shouts. "For real though. What was that ****?"
"That." Snape says over a chorus of snickering Slytherins. "Is a nonverbal charm. Standard sixth year material and something I fear Mr Obasi your dreadful behind on for a self professed master of my subject."
He smirks.
"Now… Would you like to try again?"
…
Sometime later Athena exits the Ravenclaw Common room for their second feast in two days. To her surprise there's someone waiting for her.
"Amethyst what are you doing here?" She askes suspiciously
"Uh… looking for Athena" Amethyst says awkwardly. "You seen her? I've been waiting for her since like last period."
"You're speaking to her."
"Oh… OH!" Amethyst snaps to attention and grins. "Sorry sis. Didn't recognize you without the helmet. Nice hairdo."
"Thank you." Athena says, she's put her hair up in a tight bun to go with their conservative school uniforms. "But I'm not sure I approve of you missing class to speak to me."
"Ah who cares?" Amethyst says dismissively. "We're just wasting time before the challenge anyway."
"You realize Conner might have made today part of the challenge without telling us have you not?"
Amethyst frowns. "Uh… potentially not…no." She perks back up. "Nevermind. I've got a backup plan anyway."
"This is the same offer you mentioned yesterday morning?"
"Yeah. Walk with me and I'll tell you about it."
The two of them begin making there way down the spiral staircase of Ravenclaw tower.
"Here's how I see things right now." Amethyst explains. "Me and the Shorty Squad. We've been through it all at this point. We're a family by now. None of us got any plans on betraying each other. And from way I've seen it you and your little group's the same way right?"
Athena nods. "Your correct." Amethyst smirks.
"Meanwhile the Fact Hunters have had it good this whole time and now their paying for it. They blew up hard and they're not coming back. Most people would say that's cause for us to relax. But me? I say band together and strike while the irons hot."
The gem has Athena's attention. "You're proposing we merge our alliances? It's tempting but you know a voting block that large couldn't last forever."
"This isn't about making it to the end, it's about taking out as many Fact Hunters down as we can before they regroup." Amethyst says more seriously. "Once they're gone it'll be a free for all, make no mistake. But come on Athena. You know our teams worked harder to get here then they did. One of the underdogs deserves to win this thing not them."
"ATHENA!"
Peach is bonding towards them, Doof, Lenny, and Ernie Macmillan by her side.
"I'll consider your offer." Athena whispers.
"Alright. But don't keep me waiting?" Amethyst replies in a low voice, and she dashes off.
"Athena It's so good to see you!" Peach says rushing over.
"As to you Princess." Athena says with a smile. "How were your classes? I see you've made friends."
"Oh it was delightful!" Peach beams. "They really are so dearly kind in Hufflepuff house and teachers here are almost as friendly."
"You must not have had DADA then."
Markus walks over to them, looking slightly deflated. Peach squeals.
"Oh, Markus I've missed you so! How was your day?"
Markus shrugs. "Aight I guess. I got detention last class."
"What for?" Athena asks.
"Taking **** on Snape."
Ernie whistles. "You mouthed off Snape and lived to tell the tale? You're a bold man Markus. It would have safer to tell off the Joker."
"Yeah. I…" Markus pauses. "Uh how do know about the Joker?"
"Peach has been telling us about your adventures." Ernie says. "Model Hufflepuff she is. Me and Hannah could've have been prouder to have her. Her and these other two."
"They had fresh cookies for us in the common room and everything." Doof says merrily. "Anyway how was Slytherin?"
"Yeah they aight I guess." Markus says half-heartedly. "Racist as hell but me and Amethyst got them to like us enough. I guess I'm just still pissed that ****** Snape is such an asshole."
Peach smiles sympathetically. "Don't worry Markus." She takes his hand in hers. "It was only the one class. After tonight we'll be back on the ship and it'll be just the three of us again."
She pulls away her hand. Slipping him a chocolate frog as she does. Markus beams.
"I missed you Peachy." He says storing the gift in hammerspace. "Now come on. Let's finally see what this ******* challenge is."
…
It's impressive how effortlessly the great hall has outdone itself since the last time they had seen it. The room's decorated for Halloween. Real bats swoop over them where yesterday there had been candles, carved pumpkins the size of men line the walls. And real ghosts, who in fairness were normal inhabitants of the castle mingle between tables. The feast as it had yesterday appears before them magically on their plates. There's just about anything a brit would want to eat. Roast beef, steak and kidney pie, shepherd's pie, mashed potatoes, boiled potatoes, black pudding, Yorkshire pudding, pork chops, lamp chops, and special for the occasion, baked pumpkin. When that's all done away. Desserts and sweets of all sorts and shapes appear in there place, to the great delight of the students.
At the end of the hall every facility member both of the school and the ship are present. Indy and his fellow Hogwarts professors' sit along side the whole crew of their season. Conner, Chewie, Peter, Yerdey, Jeremy, and Jeffrey Sawicki. Even Artie the Arthropleura scuttles beneath the house tables, grogging himself on scraps throw in his direction. The Wax Lip Ship itself hangs low in the sky over the hall's transparent roof, as if it too were part of the festivities. The scene is so complete that when the doors burst open and in walks Hagrid the groundskeeper, there's a part of Indy that half expected him to be Chris Mclean, the great founder of Total Drama himself come out of retirement to join them at last.
"May I interest you in some wine?" Conner asks Indy. "Jeffrey went over to Aberdeen today and found a nice Tuscan Chianti."
"I recommend it highly, it's a vintage 1985, very good year for Tuscan reds." Jeffrey says. Hagrid scoffs.
"Ah what does it matter what year it's made? Wine is wine."
Jeffrey opens his mouth.
"Don't get him started!" Conner interjects. "Trust me we'll be here all night. Jordan's like a robot that does nothing but spot factoids on Italy and experimental diets." He laughs. "Can I tempt you Albus?"
"I wouldn't dare refuse a guest."
"How was class today Jones?" Peter asks.
"Wonderful!" Chirps Charity Burbage. "We reviewed a muggle textbook at Professor Jones suggestion. The students had so many good questions. It's been quite a while since I've seen them this engaged."
"You're being generous." Indy says modestly. "It went better than expected. But I feel I may have learnt more than the students did." He looks over at Peter. "So Nuclear power really is commonplace by this time?"
"Oh yeah." Peter says causally. "Back in eighty-eight when I left Terra, people were all about nukes. Nuclear bombs, nuclear subs, nuclear power pants. It was a whole thing."
"Fascinating." Indy remarks. "Almost I shame we're leaving. I would have liked to seen more of that book."
Peter gives him a mysterious look. "I know. It's kind of a bummer." He checks his watch. "Conner it's time."
Conner sets down his goblet and checks his own watch.
"That time already." He agrees and claps his hands together. "Alright Chewie grab Artie. Let's get this show on the road."
Chewbacca salutes him and gets up. Conner rises from his chair and makes his way over to the Owl Lectern. Behind him Dumbledore taps his goblet with a spoon and his hundreds of students settle down.
"Hey everyone Conner O'Gleeson here. Now I bet my crew and at this point the whole castle are wondering what our challenge here is going to be. This is our inaugural challenge of the post merge half of the show after all. And you know, truth be told the way I see it the merge really starts with this challenge. I…"
He pauses for a moment then grins apologetically.
"I'm sorry." He says. "I've been anticipating making this speech for weeks now. All game really. This game, this crazy game, Total Drama has so much history, decades of it. And that's not even counting our sister seasons in parallel worlds, Everything, Infinite, Cruise and the likes. So many of them have done such crazy things and yet… None of them have ever attempted what's about to happen."
He looks to his casts, finding each of them in the crowd. Heavy raindrops begin to fall on the roof above.
"I want to say I'm proud of you guys for making it this far. Truly am. I know that I'm not supposed to say stuff like that. I'm supposed to be like Chris and berate you at every opportunity but I can't help it. I'm proud of you twelve, I'm proud of the challenges you've vanquished. I'm proud of the growth most of you have shown and I'm proud of the people you've become…"
Peach and good many of the others beams up and him.
"…and." Conner continues after a minute. "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think the time, we spent together hadn't prepared you for it."
Peach's smile falters slightly. The rain outsides picking up. Athena's words from yesterday morning suddenly echo in her head.
"Why the past tense Princess?"
"Your challenge tonight, is painfully simple, and may very well end up being the hardest thing you'll ever face." Conner explains. "There are no more busts of Chris Mclean from here on out. Instead, somewhere here around the castle is a gateway to your next destination. All you need to do to find it is follow the story. Continue on from there all I'll meet you at the end."
The contestants look around at each other in confusion. Conner smiles. The other staff get up from there seats. Chewie walks on stage, clutching Artie.
"Contestants it has been in honour beyond words. Good luck, you'll need it."
Indy gets out of his own seat alarmed. "Conner. What are you doing? Conner!"
Conner and his staff hold hands, take a bow and then… they're gone.
The silence in the great hall's so thick you could cut it with a knife. After a second something finally breaks it. Markus's begin to snicker.
"Yo! That was fire. He got you guys good."
"Oh I get it now!" Doof calls from Hufflepuff table. He begins to laugh.
Over at the Ravenclaw table, Rick and Athena exchange a dire look
"Uh… Markus?" Amethyst says.
The hall jolts suddenly. Above them the engines of Conner's ship have roared to life.
"Holy ****." Rick mutters faintly.
"Wait…" Markus says frowning. "He's not… Oh my god."
The hall rumbles as the ship begins pulling up into the stormy sky.
"WHAT ARE YOU STANDING THERE FOR!?" Indy suddenly bellows breaking the cast from there trace of horror. "THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!"
He sprints out of the hall, then other only hesitate a split second before following him. They rush through the entrance hall and into the pouring rain. The ships repositioned itself over the lake.
"WAIT!" Indy bellows into the storm. "WAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIT!"
Suddenly the engines glow blue. A blinding crack of light appears before the ship, like a hole in reality. There's a great jolt the ship spaghettifies into the light and then vanquishes.
Their host, their barracks, their staff and everything close to normalcy they've known since they meet each other. Gone.
They stand there petrified. The Scottish rains soaking them to the bone.
"What just happened?" Doof says in a small voice.
A noise draws their attention. They turn around.
Beatrice who hasn't made a sound since Gotham is doubled over. Her body racked by a cruel mirthless laugh.
"Don't you get it?" She askes. Her eye's wild, and her hair matted to her face.
"They abandoned us."
And that is where we will leave things off right now. I'm taking another preplanned hiatus. The story will be back around late July for it's one year anniversary. Until we're leaving it off on a cliffhanger. Make sure to tune in when we come back, as Endless becomes the first season of Total Drama without a host.