Total Drama Endless, Episode Ninteen
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Upwards and onwards the great drill burrows.
It's been about twelve hours since the little convoy left Atlantis. Mole still at the helm of his great digger. The thrill of tunnel boring seemingly keeping him from needing sleep. Behind him in the two trucks they managed to salvage things are far quieter.
Letsplay Lenny's seated between all their supplies in the front truck, chatting ideally with Sweet, Cookie, Vinny and Audrey, (The other five members of the Whitmore Expedition besides Mole that stayed loyal to the Atlantean throne.) His fellow contestants riding in the truck behind them. Fast sleep for the most part. With the exception of Bentley, Amethyst and Yao.
"So what are we going to about this?" Yao asks.
"About what?" Amethyst replies.
"That." Yao says. He points to where Peach and Markus are curled up fast asleep, or more accurately to the empty space next to them.
"It's cool dude. We still got this." Amethyst insists.
"But, doesn't that make our alliance weaker?" Yao asks lowering his voice. "I mean… we lost a god."
"So? We still have me." Amethyst says confidently. "I mean alright, yeah losing Athena sucks. But now that the other two don't have a leader they've got no where to go but us."
"You think this a way to consolidate our power base so to speak?" Bentley asks.
"Yeah. Sure! Whatever. Look we'll figure it out." She pulls the others closer. "So long as the three of us stay together we'll still be running this thing son."
The convoy gives a great jolt and stops abruptly. Waking the others.
"What's wrong Mole? Another obstacle?" Sweet calls towards the digger.
"Not in the slightest! Prepare yourselves everyone! We are about to reach the surface!"
The Drill bores through one last clump of earth and the contestants are suddenly treated to the first glimpse of sunlight they've seen since Narnia.
They surfaced amongst several grassy hills, with no noteworthy landmarks in sight.
"Whoa, uh, where'd you bring us up Mole? Andalucía? Southern Italy?" Sweet asks.
"No way this is Southern Italy." Vinny assures them.
Mole hops down from his digger and probes the soil with his tongue. He looks troubled.
"How can this be? c'est les états-unis!"
"English please Mole." Audrey reminds him.
"This is none other that the sovereign soil of the North American plate. Specifically, the United States of America."
"Well I'll be Uncle Sam's sister!" Cookie says. "Which of these United States did we up and come up in?"
Mole checks the soil again. "It is… inconclusive."
"You mean you don't know?" Sweet asks.
"Mole you always know." Vinny says.
"Exactly, this is most troubling." Mole raises his finger dramatically. "Quickly! We must investigate at once!" He dashes off over a nearby hill top then shrieks in alarm. His other expedition members come running. Beatrice turns to Indy.
"So… are they just part of this game now?"
"Kid. What I know about this damn game could fit on the head of a pin." Indy replies
The contestants fallow after Mole, once they've summited his hilltop they quickly find what he was screaming about.
A large valley stretches out before them. Filled with concrete, asphalt, box stores, suburbs, burger chains and all the glamourous trappings of a decent sized turn of the millennium American town. Looming large over it all, just down the hill from them is the town's power source, a large nuclear power plant.
"Where are we?" Audrey asks.
"Quelle horreur! We've somehow drilled into in the distant and salacious 21st century!" Mole exclaims.
"I'm pretty sure this is your stop." Sweet says looking over to the contestants. "Maybe me and my team should just head back underground and surface somewhere else."
"Yeah, that's probably for the best. I don't know of ya'll are ready for this." Markus says. Sweet nods.
"Fair enough. Come on team, let's go back to Atlantis and pretend we didn't see this. Happy trails Endless gang!"
He, and the other say their goodbyes, and (After Mole's taken a quick soil sample.) Head back underground and out of sight.
"I'll miss them." Peach says.
Markus taps her on the shoulder.
"Yo! Peachy you got to see this!"
"Yes Markus?"
"Actually, nevermind, you wouldn't get it. Yo Lenny!"
"Yes?"
"Look at the sign. Look at that ****** sign!"
He points to a mountain across from them, there spelled out in giant white letters for the whole valley to see is the name of the town.
SPRINGFIELD
Lenny laughs.
"Ah brilliant! Depending on what season this is, this either be properly interesting, or a devastatingly disappointment!"
"Lenny always knows doesn't he?" Amethyst asks.
"I think I'm starting to get why his team always won." Yao says a little bitterly.
"Yo for real though, the last couple places have been pretty famous." Markus admits. "Aight, come on. I'll take to where we supposed to go."
…
Markus leads them down the hill to the shadow of the nuclear plants looming cooling towers.
"Is it safe to get this close?" Yao asks.
"If it's got competent employees then we'll be fine." Indy says. Lenny and Markus chuckles. He gives them a look of concern.
"At least tell me it's got a decent safety inspector."
"Actually it's the plants safety inspector we're looking for." Lenny says.
"Why don't we ask that guy?" Beatrice says, pointing to the right. A little way down the gravel road they're standing on there's a pink sedan parked on the side of the road. The sound of offbeat singing emanating from it.
"That's our guy!" Markus beams.
"Shouldn't he be in the plant?" Indy demands. The others ignore him and walk over to the car. The archeologist sighs.
"This is going to be another bad one. I can feel it." He says. "Or maybe that's the radiation."
He joins the others and peers into the car. Inside its occupant is a balding middle age man with a white shirt, blue pants, slight muzzle and (oddly enough) yellow skin. He sits there with his eye's closed obvious to them, singing as he gorges himself on a box of doughnuts.
"Everybody's working for the weekend
Everybody's something something yeah!
Everybody's goin' off the deep end
Everybody want's a second yeah!"
Markus puts his elbow on the hood and grins in at the man.
"Yo what's good Mr Simpson. You sexy dog."
"AGH! Freaks!" The man shouts.
He puts the car in reverse and slams his foot on the gas. Amethyst causal picks up the car by the bummer to stop it moving.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"AGH! SUPER FREAKS!"
He bolts out of the car and starts spiriting down the road. He makes it about a hundred metres before he doubles over wheezing. The contestant's effortlessly surround him again.
"You good Homer?" Markus asks.
The man get's down on his knees and begs.
"Look I don't know who you are or how you know my name." Homer Simpson pants. "But please spare me my life! I have a wife and two beautiful daughters at home! Also Bart, and maybe a couple pets."
"Relax Mr Simpson. We don't want to kill you we um, uh… How do normally explain ourselves again?" Bentley asks.
"Half the time they just kind of go with it." Beatrice says.
"You sure this is our guy Markus?" Indy asks. Homer's eye's go wide.
"Oh my god! You're Indiana Jones!"
"Alright why does he know my name?" Indy asks disturbed. Homer looks at around, he sets his eye's on Peach.
"And you're from one of those game's Bart plays." He turns to Amethyst. "…And you're…Who ever you are."
"Sure am." Amethyst says.
"I see what's going on here." Homer says, he sighs happily. "Oh I'm saved! All my fictional hero's have come to rescue me from my boring day to day existence! Did you bring Batman?"
"No, but we meet him." Markus says. Homer gasps.
"Did you get a batarang? What did he smell like?"
"Look, Mr Simpson. We're not here to help you. We need your help." Indy says.
"Anything oh exalted ones!" Homer says obediently.
…
Later that afternoon Homer walks through the front door of his modest, two story, suburban home.
"Marge! I'm home! And a brought a surprise!"
"Is this a good surprise or a bad surprise?" A gravelly voice asks from around the hall. A woman with a towering blue beehive and a lime green dress walks into the front hall and shouts in surprise. Her husband's there on the doorstep, giddy with excitement. The eight remaining contestants standing on the lawn behind him.
"Homie! Who are these people?" She asks.
"Marge! You'll never believe it!" Homer says excitedly. "All my years of watching TV finally paid off!"
His wife rings her hands nervously. "Oh no, not more celebrity guests! Homie I wish you would have warned me ahead of time. The kitchen's not exactly up to Hollywood standard's right not."
"We're not celebrities." Indy says.
"Yo!"
"Or, none of us are celebrities but Markus." Indy corrects himself.
Two children come running down the stairs and into the foyer, one a spikey haired boy in an orange shirt and blue shorts, The other a girl with blonde curls, a red dress and a pearl neckless.
"Whoa." Says the boy.
"Wow!" Says the girl.
"Homer, who's your new friends?" The boy asks.
"Everyone, this is the Endless gang." Homer says. "Endless gang, this is my wife Marge and some of our happy little accidents. Bart, Lisa and… where's the baby?"
A tiny little infant with the same hair as her older sister and a red pacifier waddles into view before tripping over her blue onesie. Homer scoops her up.
"There's my little Maggie!"
…
As the Simpson's dining room table isn't built for thirteen, dinners held in the sitting room itself. The meal itself is a standard home cooked suburban affair. But after weeks of Dawn Treader rations, Wonka's sweets, Cookie's grease and exotic Atlantean dishes, something plain and familiar is greatly appreciated.
"…Then after we parted ways with our Atlantean companions we came across your husband and found our way here." Lenny says, having just finished recounting their travels to the Simpsons.
"Oh my…" Says Marge. "What an adventure you've all been on."
"Always ready for another one Mrs S." Amethyst says.
"Besides we're not done yet." Bentley adds. Amethyst nods.
"Nope. This thing's not over until there's only one person left."
"And we can't leave Springfield until we find our way out." Indy says.
"What do you mean find a way out?" Bart asks. "Just pick a direction and run lie hell 'til you've left this damn town in the dust."
"Bart! What have I told you about swearing in front of guests?" Marge scolds.
"Doctor Jones means Springfield as in your dimension. Not just the town." Bentley explains.
"Homer are this guys for real?" Bart asks.
"They are to me Bart." Homer says. Patting Bentley on his shell. "And I promised them they could stay here with us for as many months as they need."
The kids cheer. Marge chokes on her casserole. Lenny swoops over and gives her a Heimlich.
"Homie our house isn't built for that many people." She wheezes.
"Now Marge I know you might be angry now but this'll be a great opportunity for us." Homer insists. "A family's lucky enough to meet all their favorite movie heroes once, maybe twice in their lives. How was I supposed to turn that down?"
"Yo Mrs Simpsons you wouldn't even know were here." Markus says. "These ******* back here are the best guests you'll ever have."
"We are used to roughing it." Bentley says. "We spent a month on a medieval sailing ship."
Marge groans uncertainly. "I don't know… Thirteen people makes for a lot of laundry."
"We'd help with chores." Beatrice offers.
"Anything you need cleaned I'm your guy!" Yao declares.
"I can help cook." Peach says.
"I'll show you this trick I learned from a spa in Geneva." Markus says getting up.
"That's very nice of you.. but oooooo…." Marge begins to protest again until Markus rubs her shoulders, and she melts backwards into her chair. Her eyelids droop and her smiles spreads as her anxious features relax.
"You're welcome to stay as long as you need." She sighs.
Her family and some of the contestants cheer.
…
That night Marge and Homer go out to buy sleeping bags as the cast gets settled in.
Lisa Simpson opens the door to her room and usher Peach inside.
"Here we are, my own little sanctuary of science and culture."
The room's modestly furnished, with a single bed, a self, a desk a nightstand and plenty of unused floorspace. There aren't many toys for an eight-year old's bedroom. Instead, a saxophone stands in the corner and posters of jazz musicians hang on the wall. Lisa looks down modestly while the princess inspects her things.
"It may not be a fairy-tale castle, but it should be enough for you and the other girls."
"Lisa it will be perfect. Than-"
"And just to say so you're not offended later…" Lisa says quickly. "That while I do respect the classic princess role you embody for bringing more female representation into the popular conscious, I tend to gravitate towards more active woman role models for my still developing mind. Therefore, I hope you don't take it personally if I'm not as actively in awe of you and your lifestyle as most girl's my age…"
She looks up.
"…Unless you have a unicorn."
Peach smiles.
"I'm afraid not. But I was friends with a lovely young Pegasus."
Lisa gasps.
"What was her name?" She whispers excitedly.
…
A half hour later Peach and Lisa are in the middle of a tea party when there's a knock on the bedroom door.
"Allow me." Peach says. She starts to get up, then pauses and turns back to Lisa.
"I mean- may I be excused Ms President?"
"Let put it to vote." Lisa says. "All in favor."
She raises on arm then uses the other to raise an arm of the two stuffed animals sitting on the blanket next to them. She grins at Peach.
"The ayes have it."
Peach giggles then opens the door.
Beatrice is standing in the hallway outside. She and Peach lock eyes before she looks away.
"Hi. Sorry, am I interrupting anything? I think this is where us girls are supposed to be sleeping right?"
"Oh yes of course." Peach says awkwardly. "Where's Amethyst?"
"She's um… sleeping in the treehouse outside. So it'd just be the three of us."
"Oh…" Peach says awkwardly. "Okay. I'm sorry when they said all the girls I hadn't realise there were so little of us left, and it would just be us-"
"I can sleep somewhere else if you want." Beatrice says turning red. "Here why don't I just go?"
"No. Stay please. Come join me and Lisa. It will be fine." Peach insists.
"Are you sure I wouldn't be bothering you?"
"No no. Not at all. We'll talked things out haven't we? No need to feel awkward."
"Right…"
She walks timidly into the room and sits down between Lisa and Peach. Lisa gives them both a funny look.
"Do you two have some kind of history or som-"
"No!" Peach and Beatrice say at once.
…
"I hope everyone slept well tonight." Marge says the next morning as she piles waffles onto everyone's plates. The group split between both the dinning room and the smaller table in the Kitchen.
"Best sleep I've had in a week." Markus says with a satisfied stretch. "Thanks for the sleeping bags Marge. Them ****** were cozy."
"You're welcome Markus."
"So… what do guys need to do to find your magic portal-ma-whatsit again?" Homer asks between gluttonously mouthfuls of his breakfast.
"Normally we follow the story." Indy explains. "When whatever narrative we're trapped in reaches a natural end, off we go."
"Yes, about that Jones." Lenny says hesitantly. "We might have a problem with doing that here."
"****, I forgot about that." Markus says.
Indy gives them a look of concern. "What's wrong?"
"Well the Simpson's is a prime time television show. Which means it's episodic, sort of like the radio serials of your time." Lenny explains.
"Meaning?" Indy asks confused.
"Meaning this town doesn't have a story doc. It's got like a thousand of them." Markus says. Indy almost chokes on his glass of orange juice.
"In that case how are we supposed to get out of here then?"
"We'll have to start blindly searching the whole town for clues." Bentley says dismayed. "It could take months!"
"Don't worry about that, me and the family will show you around." Homer says.
"Don't you have a nuclear plant to inspect?" Indy asks.
"Nonsense! This is much more important. Marge! Call the plant and take the kids out of school! We're taking our guests out on the town!"
"Homie it's a Saturday."
"No excuses Marge!"
…
Soon enough the whole family's out and about, walking the mean streets of Springfield's modest downtown with the Endless gang in tow. The contestants gaze at everything curiously. Despite having been to so many wonderful places about half the cast have yet to see modern American society up close for an extended period of time.
Homer points to a store to their right.
"That what you're looking for?"
"Homer that's the movie theatre." Marge says.
"I knew that. What about that? Is that your portal-doohickey?"
"That's an alleyway." Bentley says.
"Oh right. I remember now. I passed out there last Thursday." He points in across the street to a pair of two middle aged women with blue-grey hair. "What about those two hags? They look like they crawled out of some terrible dimension."
Marge frowns. "Homer those are my sisters."
Homer yelps in horror.
He sprits off in the other direction. The others calmly follow him. Indy's keeping pace with them until something else steals his attention and he stops.
They've just walked past a window display at an electronics store. Dozens of vacuum tube television sets are all playing the same scene. Two man sits in a talk show set with fake backdrop of New York behind them. One in a plush chair, the other behind a desk.
"-I'd be very excited to say the least. What excites you? I mean, if being in the number one movie doesn't do it. What really makes you wig out?"
"Um… I guess I don't wig out you know?"
The host smiles. He looks slightly younger than how Indy would know him. But there's no mistaking his roster comb hair.
"Come on Harrison there's got to be something. Everyone wigs out because of something. Even Indiana Jones is wigging out watching us from Springfield, aren't you Jones?"
Indy leaps back from the window in alarm.
"Indy?"
Indy spins around. Beatrice is staring at him.
"Everything alright?"
Indy catches his breath and looks back at the TV set. Conner's been replaced by some local children's entertainer.
"Um… I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
…
The group walks most of downtown Springfield, then when they've exhausted their leads there, they switch to driving around in the Simpson's family's red station wagon and pink sedan. They scout every landmark either Marge or Homer can think off, the Springfield sign, the local baseball stadium, the brewery, the church, the harbour, Springfield Mall, Springfield University, Springfield Estates, Springfield Estates, Shelbyville Falls, The lemon tree, The old monorail, The Maison Derrière, Camp Krusty and a lengthy stay at Moe's Tavern. None of them seem to bear anypossible leads.
"I'm not sure what to tell you. This sort of thing used to work all the time back when we were statue hunting." Bentley says as they pull back into the Simpson's driveway.
"I guess we'll just have to go back out there and try again tomorrow." Marge yawns.
Amethyst grumbles.
"Remind me why we're doing this again?"
"Because you want money?" Bart says.
"No I mean what's the rush?" Amethyst says. "The Simpson's are willing to put up with us, right?"
"Certainly." Lisa says.
"As long as you need." Says Marge.
Maggie sucks on her pacifier.
"So If I say we've good hosts then let's take advantage of that. It's been forever since we've been in a modern human society and we don't know what's in store for us next. Let's take a week and enjoy ourselves for once. What'd you say?"
"Now there's a plan with potential." Bart muses.
"****** you're speaking my language." Markus says.
Bentley taps his chin "Well we've been playing this game for so long already. But I'm alright with taking a short vacation if you our hosts are alright with it. And of course, our other leader agrees."
Everyone looks at Jones.
"Why are you staring at me?" He asks.
"Athena, said you and Bentley would look after us." Peach says looking at him expectantly. Indy balks.
"Honey I wasn't expecting that to be some kind of bidding position. I'm not…"
He looks around, everyone seems to be waiting for his judgement. He grumbles
"I have been looking for an opportunity to examine late 20th century society up close since Hogwarts."
He ponders things over for a few more moments then throw up his hands defeatedly.
"Alright, we'll take the week off!"
The group cheers.
…
That night Markus, Peach, Lenny, Amethyst and Yao take the sedan out on the town. The warm air of early summer rushes past, the car's axels rumble, and the city glows.
"So Princess? How do you like modern society?" Lenny asks grinning at Peach from the back seat. Yao screws up his face.
"Weren't we already somewhere like this during the first challenge?"
"That was Old Peachy with us for that. New Peachy ain't seen modern America yet." Markus says.
Peach smiles pleasantly. "It's very interesting. So much things to see. Are we going to see what do people for fun in your world Markus?" Peach asks. Amethyst laughs.
"Just you wait Peachy. We're about to tear up this town. Markus hit the tunes!"
Markus (who's driving) flips on the radio. The first few chords of a rock song begins to play. Amethyst slaps the back of Markus's seat.
"Now that's what I'm talking about!"
She rolls down her window and leans out of it cheering as they drive into the night.
Guess who just got back today?
They pull into the lot of the local convenience store The "Kwik-E-Mart". Peach's eye's light up and the sight of all the candy bars and junk food.
Them wild-eyed boys that'd been away
Haven't changed, had much to say
The Indian-American clerk behind the till grins at them as Peach dumps and armload of sweets and an oversized frozen beverage onto his counter.
But man, I still think them cats are crazy
The five of them dance carelessly in the square in front of the town hall.
The park's sprinklers come on, they scanter in terror.
They were askin' if you were around
How you was, where you could be found
Yao, Amethyst and Lenny all lean out the left side windows, waving and calling to the locals in the retirement home.
Told 'em you were livin' downtown
The seniors shout back at them angrily.
Drivin' all the old men crazy
The next day, Homer takes Indy back to the tavern. He's drinking friends and bartender greet them extatically.
The boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)
Marge takes Yao and Beatrice to the movies. The two of them starring awestruck at this wonder they've never beheld.
I said the boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)
In the school yard of Springfield Elementary, kids are lined up around the playground. Paying Bart a dollar to see Amethyst shapeshift.
The boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)
The principal comes poking around angrily. Bart and Amethyst turn to each other and smile before each of them puts a single dollar in the principal's breast pocket. The principal nods and walks away satisfied.
The boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)
Bart and one of his friends a bespectacled boy with blue hair and a large round nose run into the local comic book shop. They beam up at the overweight man behind the counter.
"Hey Comic Book Guy what's shaking?" Bart asks.
The owner frowns down at them. "Simpson! You better have a good reason for being here. As I've doubtless told you before only those wishing to learn Klingon or purchase comics may enter my store."
Bart pulls his short pockets inside-out. "Ah bummer man, looks like I'm short. Hey what would It take for you to give me and Millhouse a free comic?"
The Comic Book Guy gasps in outrage.
"Part with my precious merchandise for free!? Impossible!"
Bart smirks. "What if Indiana Jones and Princess Peach walked in here right now?"
Comic Book Guy scoffs.
"Considering those are both fictional characters and thus incapable of manifesting in our real world that really is impossible! Therefore yes, I'd be more than happy to give you both free comics for life if it happened."
Bart grins. "Sweet. Alright guys! Come on in!"
Indy and Peach walk into the shop. Comic Book Guy's jaw falls open.
"Hello." Peach says with a slight wave.
Comic Book Guy stammers for a moment, then he clutches his chest and falls to the floor. Millhouse and Bart laugh victoriously.
"Great job Bart!" Millhouse says.
"Is he alright?" Peach asks frowning.
"He'll be fine." Bart insists.
Comic Book Guy's convulsing on the floor his eyes rolled back.
"I think he's having a heart attack." Indy notes.
…
Spread the word around
Guess who's back in town
Markus and Lisa jam at the local Jazz bar.
Just spread the word around
The Shorty Squad and Lenny enjoy themselves at a baseball game.
The boys are back in town again
Been hangin' down at Evergreen Terrace
The whole group have a cookout with the Simpson's in their backyard.
The boys are back in town again
Markus and Peach and perched on a billboard overlooking the town on a clear night. Peach sighs happily.
"Markus. I think I like your country."
"That's tight Peachy. That's really tight."
…
Indiana Jones strolls into the Simpson's kitchen. By now the room like much of the rest of the house is familiar to him, with it's blue walls, purple cabinets, and green refrigerator. The future (or at least this version of it seems to be found of bright colours)
Marge sits at the kitchen table with Maggie and Beatrice, peeling vegetables for dinner. She looks over her shoulder and catches a glimpse of Indy sweeping the top of the fridge with his right hand.
"Are you looking for something Doctor Jones?"
"Yeah, I'm heading into town and I thought I left some money around here."
"I noticed you still haven't made any progress on escaping." Marge notes, glancing over at the wall to her right where a whiteboard's been hung. The words, POTENTAL ESCAPE ROUTES has been written at the top in bold text, underneath that the entire board's blank.
"We're on vacation." Indy says defensively.
"You've been saying that for three weeks." Beatrice says. "Look, we've had our fun, but It's time you and Bentley get off your butts and do something about this. I don't want to get stuck here like we did in Hogwarts."
"If you're that desperate to leave it wouldn't kill you to help me. I don't know why I'm stuck with working with the turtle?"
"What's wrong with Bentley?" Marge asks.
Indy grumbles.
"Bentley's a very nice turtle." Marge says. "And smart too. No question the smartest reptile I've ever meet. Besides maybe that chameleon in the Springfield Zoo."
"I don't care if he's smart. I've never seen eye to eye with the Short Squad or whatever they're calling themselves."
"Who's cares!" Beatrice says. "You don't have to like him, just help him find our way out of here."
"You should take Bentley out on the town with you. I'm sure if you two just talk you'll discover you have a lot in common." Marge suggests. She pulls out her wallet. "I'll give you some money for a Krusty Burger."
Indy sighs and takes the money.
"Fine."
Marge smiles at him and he walks out. She turns to Beatrice.
"Beatrice you should go with them too."
"Why I am getting roped into this now?"
"I just thought it might be nice for you to get out for a change sweetie." Marge says. "Unless it's me taking you, you never seem to go anywhere with your friends."
Beatrice sighs. "No one really likes me."
"Oh I'm sure that's not true. What about Peach, she seems to like everyone."
"Especially not Peach." Beatrice says.
"Well, I hear from Lisa that you ladies all seem to get along okay up in her room." Marge says "The two of you should go out together. I'm sure if you two just talk you'll discover you have a lot in common."
"Mrs Simpson that's the same advice you gave Indy a minute ago." Beatrice says flatly.
"So? Good advice bares repeating."
She reaches across the table and pats Beatrice's arm in a motherly way. The girl draws away from her.
"Can I just stay here and help you with chores for the rest of the day?"
Marge gives her an uncertain look. "Well… If that's what you think is best. Maggie what's wrong?"
Her attentions drawn to her infant daughter who's suddenly started fidgeting in her lap. She holds her baby up and sniffs.
"Uh oh. I think she needs to be to be changed. Beatrice could you-"
"On second though maybe I will go out with Peach." Beatrice says getting up quickly.
…
Princess Peach stroll down the upstairs hallway humming a waltz to herself, only to find her path suddenly interrupted by two of her fellow contestants.
"Oh hello Amethyst, Yao. What are you two doing standing in the hall?"
"Hey Peachy, you mind having a little friendly conversation with us?" Amethyst asks. "Markus's already waiting in Bort's room."
"I though his name was Bart?" Yao asks. Amethyst rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on."
The two of them whisk the Princess in the room. Bart's bedroom is much like his sister's. Albeit with far more toys and posters of a local clown on the walls instead of jazz musicians. As promised Markus's sitting on the bed waiting for them.
"Yo Amethyst what's this about?"
Amethyst nods to Yao who pushes the door closed until it's only open by a crack.
"So." She says. "How've you two been enjoying the vacation?"
"Yeah it's fire." Markus says with a grin. "I got to show Peachy a lot of stuff. I've found a place that rents bikes, I shower everyday, we go out every night. It's been beautiful."
"Yeah… we've have fun." Yao says. He raises and eyebrow and grins at them. "…But you know you'd have a lot more fun if you joined the Shorty Squad."
Peach and Markus gasp.
"You'd let us join?" Peach asks.
"For real? Your serious?" Markus says. "No *******."
Amethyst shrugs with a bit of theatrical modesty.
"Listen, we feel bad about you guys losing Athena, so we want to take you under our wing."
"Only condition is if you join us you vote with us." Yao says. Amethyst grins nastily.
"Yeah, we still got Fact Hunter's kicking around that need to go."
"We're thinking bird girl next." Yao says.
"Sounds tight." Markus says.
Peach frowns. "I thought we were giving Beatrice a second chance? Besides, Isn't she was a friend of your group?"
"Look we've been nice and gave her a couple episodes, but that doesn't mean were taking her to the finale. She doesn't deserve that." Amethyst says.
"Yeah, and remember she was one of those dirty Slytherins." Yao says. "You can't trust anybody that was a Slytherin."
"Uh… Yao? I was Slytherin remember?" Amethyst reminds him.
"Yo I was too." Markus says.
"Oh right." Yao says grinning embarrassedly. "Gryffindor force of habit I guess."
Peach looks up contemplatively. She sighs to herself.
"I don't know you two. I still don't know if I forgive Beatrice for what she did but I she hasn't done anything wrong since then. It feels a little mean to get rid of her now. I think I need time to think this over."
Amethyst grumbles and slaps her forehead.
"Look Peachy, I'm not saying Athena wasn't great and all that junk but she used to spend to long thinking over my deals."
She shapeshifts into Athena.
"Do yourself a favour. Don't be like her."
She shapeshifts into Peach.
"Be like yourself."
She transforms back into herself.
"Or even better. Just be like me and do things without worrying about consequences."
Peach still looks conflicted. Markus gets up and pats her on the shoulder.
"Maybe give us a day or something."
Amethyst grumbles again.
"Fine. You a day. No more. But you better think pretty hard about what you choose, 'cause it's gonna be a Shorty Squad finale whether you two are in the team or not. Come on Yao, I want pizza."
She grabs Yao and the two of them leap out Bart's window. Amethyst sprouts a pair of dragonfly wings and they soar off into the sky. Markus shakes his head.
"Crazy as hell those Shorties. Man it'd be fire to join thought. Peachy I can't believe like you of all people want to keep Beatrice around."
"Maybe we could just give her one more episode." Peach relents as they walk out the room. "Then maybe…"
She stops talking. Beatrice is sitting at the top of the stairs, had buried in her lap.
"Oh! Um hello Beatrice." Peach says awkwardly. "What's the matter?"
Beatrice doesn't respond. Peach looks back to the door to Bart's room.
"You didn't hear-"
Beatrice doesn't respond again. Peach looks mortified.
"Oh Beatrice we didn't mean-"
"It's fine Peach. Amethyst is right, it's my time to go." She says miserably. She get's up to slink away.
"Beatrice please don't go!"
She grabs the girl's arm. Beatrice pulls away angrily.
"Don't touch me! I mean…" Her face floods with regret. "Sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to yell. I should go."
"No Beatrice I'm sorry." Peach says. "I should be doing more to mend things between us."
"Why? That's not your responsibility."
"I don't see things that way." Peach's expression brightens. "Why don't you go out with me and Markus tonight? We'll show you our favorite spots in Springfield."
"No it's fine, you don't have to be around me just because you pity me."
"Nonsense we'd love for you to come wouldn't we Markus?"
Markus gives Beatrice a cold stare. Peach laughs awkwardly.
"That's his way of saying he'd be delighted."
Beatrice sighs.
…
Over in downtown Springfield Indy looks equally uncomfortable with his current companion as he exits the local burger joint with Bentley.
"Look, I've said it to Doof, I've said it to you, and now I'll say it again. What happened in Mahri Nui was purely business. I know it was your team's first loose and it was traumatic and all that, but if you ask me you were due."
"Okay, can you stop bringing it up for god's sake?" Indy asks.
"I will when everyone else does." Bentley say indignantly.
Indy gives him a beleaguered sigh.
"Let's talk about something else."
"Alright. Well, what do you think of modern society?" Bentley asks.
Indy looks around.
"Well it's something… I was expecting more food pills and flying cars."
"Surely you've studied how civilizations develop. Grand displays of science fiction aside, The 20th century's rate of progress can't be that surprising to you can it?" Bentley asks. "Even then it's still the fastest growth of technological development in human history." He laughs. "We when from Custer's last stand to moon landings in eighty years. By comparison Ancient Egypt remained largely static as a society for three millennium."
Indy gives him a strange look. "So what? Is your world just the normal world but with talking animals instead of people?" he asks.
Bentley smiles. "Correction Doctor. Your world is just the normal world but populated by a hairless-apes."
"Us Homo Sapiens are that strange to you huh?"
"I find it more strange how many otherwise completely unconnected civilizations we've visited have a human population. Not just human, but human with very little difference in appearance from dimension to dimension. Although I will say this is first time of seen any of your kind with pigment." He squints. "Or doing whatever they're doing now."
"Doing what?" Indy asks.
He looks around. They've wandered over to the town square, right next to the statue of the town founder, Jedidiah Springfield. All around them the townsfolk go about their day but there's something wrong. None of them are moving. More than that, they've all frozen in place mid activity, as if time's simply stopped all at once.
"That's not a normal human thing…" Indy says unnerves. He draws his pistol and glances around.
"Something's wrong."
"Well no duh somethings wrong you two are floundering on this challenge." Booms a familiar voice.
Bentley suddenly cries out in alarm, Indy looks over his shoulder and flinches violently.
The statue of Jebidah is gone, replaced by a fully animate bronze replica of their host.
"SWEET VENUS DE WHALO!" Bentley yelps. "Conner! How is this possible!?"
"I could ask you both the same question." Conner says, as if this was a perfectly normal conversation. "What are you guy's still doing here? It's like you're not even trying anymore."
"I think what Bentley meant to say is how the hell are you a statue!?" Indy says.
Conner blinks his bronze eyes at him in confusion, then shakes his head and pitches the bridge of his nose.
"How am I a statue they ask." He says with an annoyed chuckle. "So I guess when I told you I was an ALL POWERFUL GOD OF TELEVISION! That just when in one ear and out the other huh?"
"I thought you were being egotistical." Indy says faintly. Conner gives him an unamused look.
"I'm flattered."
They blink and the statue transforms back into the town founder. A noise draws their attention behind them, and they see Conner's grinning back occupied every television set in the display window of the electronics store.
"In truth me and the good old town of Springfield, USA go way back. So my powers have a little more of a kick here. If I was this strong normally, I wouldn't be in a prank war with Total Drama Cruise Chris. Although, not to brag but I was totally in the lead there for a while. At least until he trashed my ship and kidnapped Peter."
"Oh…Sorry to hear that." Bentley says awkwardly.
"Don't worry. He'll get what's coming to him." Conner's gaze shifts to Indy. "Hey Doctor Jones? Everything alright over there? You look about ready to pass out."
"I'm considering it."
"Okay cool. Good for you. Anyway I'm not here for water cooler chit chat. I came because Beatrice is right. Our viewers are getting bored of you people sitting around enjoying yourselves. Time to get off your butts and get this show on the road if you catch my drift."
"Can't we just take things slowly for once!?" Indy demands.
"The Hell do you mean slowly? Narnia was the slow path alright? What you're doing here is sitting down in the middle of the road and having a picnic. It doesn't make for good television Jones. Trust me, I'd know." Conner tells him. The televisions change to statics. Down the road at the movie theatre, Conner's suddenly taken the place of two of the romantic leads on one of the movie posters.
"You haven't exactly made things easy." Indy says bitterly. "You told us to follow the story, but there's no story here. And if there is, the others aren't helping us find it."
"I'm not responsible for your fellow contestants, but I suppose I didn't make this one all that obvious, did I?" Conner admits.
Indy and Bentley give him a cold look.
"Alright so maybe I know more about The Simpson's then the next guy and that clouded my judgement. Sue me! Actually don't! Please don't! This challenge isn't unwinnable or anything, even if It does include a reference to a completely different movie on top of it."
"Another…What would even compel you to do that!?" Indy asks.
"I don't know! Throwing In references was just something I liked doing around here! I'm sure if you actually put the effort in, you'll figure it out."
"Conner the others might not be worried about escaping, but I've been thinking about this constantly since we got here and I'm stumped. And I that's not something that happens often let me tell you." Bentley says.
"I mean I figured it out pretty quick." The other Conner on the poster says.
"Yes but that's because you're me, me." Conner tells him.
"That is true." The other Conner muses.
Conner sighs.
"Here, if I give you a riddle to solve will that help?"
"A riddle?" Indy says annoyed.
"What do you expect me to just tell you what the answer is!?" Conner asks, appalled.
He and his doppelganger disappear from the poster. There's a rumble of thunder. And the clouds par to reveal a deific Conner many times his normal size, backlit by a heavenly golden light and leering down at them, chin out and arms folded like he's Benito Mussolini.
"I lurk above you always watching,
I can outrun the Flash, don't plan on stopping
An expert says I can hit warp five.
My wiring's faulty, but you'll survive
Housewives call me the town's biggest folly
But the fans say I'm one of the highlights, by golly
So, If next destination, you seek to find
Bring me to speed, go back in time"
"For the love of everything Conner. It sounds like you want us to turn something into a time machine." Bentley says. He pauses.
"Is our next destination in the distant past?"
Conner taps his forehead.
"Figure it out you two. Ask around town and force the others to help if you need to."
Bentley turns to Indy. The Archeologist shrugs.
"I guess we'll do the best we can." Bentley says.
"Good."
Conner nods, and the clouds envelop him. He walks out from behind the statue of Jebidah Springfield, back to his normal size and form.
"Before I go, just one more favour. When you finally end up leaving, I want you to thank The Simpsons for letting you guys stay with them." He looks around, almost nostalgically. "That family… this town… I owe a lot to them. I know Springfield isn't the most glamorous place I've sent you but it's one that's very dear to my heart. Look after it, and look after each other. You don't have left long to go."
And as suddenly as it happens, Conner disappears, time's started again, and the townsfolk around their business. Unaware of anything out of the ordinary.
…
"No,no,no,no,no. No. Take me home please."
"Oh, Beatrice, I'm sure you're going to enjoy yourself." Peach insists.
It's late in the evening, the two ladies are back cruising the town in Homer's pink sedan. Peach beams diplomatically over to Beatrice as the girl sulks in the seat next to her.
"I don't want to enjoy myself, I want to go back the house and sit in the dark. You and Markus should go ahead and enjoy yourselves without me."
"Were only going out for you." Markus says annoyed.
"Oh yeah? Then why is Lenny here?"
"Because our dear Princess has been given me all sorts of tantalizing comment on the Kwik-E-Mart, and I had to good try everything myself." Lenny chirps from the front seat.
"Great. But why is Bort here?"
"Because I have an assignment due tomorrow." Bart says causally.
"Shouldn't you be studying then?" Beatrice asks. Bart rolls his eyes.
"Like hell I'm missing a chance to hang out with you guys because of some crummy assignment."
"Then why did you-" She grumbles. Peach tries to give her a friendly smile but she ignores her. Instead she catches Markus's eye in the front mirror.
They pull up to the front lot of the Kwik-E-Mart. A sight that's become very familiar to Peach and Markus these past few weeks.
"We normally hit up this place before we go anywhere else." Markus explains. "Ev'rybody know what then want? I'm buying."
Lenny taps his chin. "I'll like a little bit of whatever looks good, A buzz soda, and if they have any real brands I'd kill for the delicious taste of a Mars Bar."
"Sheesh, what are you their ad guy?" Bart asks. He turns to Markus. "I'll take a mystery flavour squishee and four Butterfingers."
"Tight." Markus says, he turns to Beatrice and frowns. "What about you?"
"I don't want anything."
"Nonsense Beatrice you're coming into the store with us." Peach says, getting out of the car. Beatrice sighs but follows her in.
They walk through the automatic doors, coming in from the dark of night, the market's a staggeringly bright place. Glass doored freezers line it's walls, a rack of risqué magazines stands by the door and the aisles are stocked with things that may or may not be some approximation of food. Besides the three of them, the only other costumer is a shady look local with a denim vest and a snake tattoo loitering near the back. Peach spreads out her arms and sigh happily.
"Oh, isn't it all wonderful?"
Beatrice doesn't agree, or at least her nose doesn't seem to. It's still reeling from the abrasive smell of chemicals this place seems to carry.
Peach leads them over to the aisle, plucking candy bars off it like fresh blueberries from the bush. When she's pick out about a dozen of them she skips over to the counter. The clerk's face lights up when he sees her.
"And how is my favorite this evening?"
"Splendid Apu! How is Sanjay? Have they let him out of the hospital yet?"
"No unfortunately he has yet to pass his kidney stones."
"Oh, poor thing."
"Yes, yes. It is true, my brother is in extreme agony." Apu says cheerfully. "But that is neither here nor there, what can I get for you?"
"A large mystery flavour squishee for Bart, medium cherry squishee for Beatrice-"
"No thanks. I'm good."
"Make that a small then, and an extra large squishee for me."
"Ms Toadstool, I must respectfully ask you to reconsider. You have already had four squishees today, which is the maximum a human can safely consume in 24 hours."
"Peachy have you been pre-gaming?" Markus asks. Peach smiles guilty. She turns back to the counter.
"Please Apu?"
Apu laughs.
"Don't worry, I am legally required to ask you not to make such a purchase, but corporate highly advises afterwards I allow you to go through with it anyway. Which flavour will it be tonight Ms Toadstool?"
"The usual, all of them."
"Excellent choice!"
He pulls a cup the size of a small bucket out from under the counter and begins filling It from the frozen drink machine behind. He chuckles to himself.
"Yes, who would I be to deny the request of someone who's flushed my humble store with so much wonderful money."
"Ho dude. Sounds like I picked a good night to come."
The other costumer's materialized behind them, he takes out a hand gun and points it at Apu. Apu throws his hands up instinctively.
"Oh hello Snake, have you meet Princess Peach yet?" Apu asks, still cheerful as ever.
Snake smirks. "I haven't… But I'd love to get to know her money."
He points the gun at the three contestants.
Back outside, Lenny and Bart are relaxing in the parked car when a sharp taping on the windows draws their attention. To their surprise, they see Bentley and Indy standing outside the car.
"Well Doctor Jones!" Lenny says rolling down the window. "To what to we owe this late night rendezvous?"
"Hey man, are you to alright?" Bart asks peeking over from the backseat. "You look like you saw a ghost."
"No, stranger." Indy says. "We saw Conner."
"It was madness!" Bentley cries. "He stopped time, and appeared in the clouds, and took the places of statues and…"
"Did he now?" Lenny says "Since when could he do that?"
"Who knows? He said he was more powerful here than normal?"
Lenny chuckles to himself. "Well I suppose that makes sense, doesn't it?"
Indy and Bentley turn to each other and exchange a bewildered look.
"How does that make sense?" Indy demands.
"Conner O'Gleeson was a writer on The Simpsons." Lenny says.
Indy's eye's grow wide.
"You mean Conner created this place!?" Indy says faintly.
"Well not everything! He was only one of the writers after all." Then suddenly Lenny's freezes, eye's wide, he smacks himself on the forehead.
"Blimey that's it! Why didn't I realise it sooner?" He demands. "That's got to be it, our ticket out of here is hidden in something Conner wrote into Springfield!"
Indy breaks into a grin and slaps Lenny on the back.
"Atta boy Lenny! That's why we keep you around!"
"What are we waiting around for?" Bentley asks. "Tell us, what did Conner create for this place?"
Lenny shrugs. "Not a clue."
Indy frowns.
"…What?"
The store window behind them shatters and Snake lands hard on the asphalt of the parking lot. They look of to see Peach standing in window, squishee in one hand, hammer in the other.
"Oh hello you two! How long have you been here?" She chirps pleasantly.
…
The next morning, Indy calls an emergency meeting at a local seafood restaurant. The eight remaining contestants share a table as Indy recounts last nights revelations.
"Lenny I can't believe you don't know something for once." Markus says for the third time.
"Believe or not I'm not an encyclopedia." Comments Lenny, through a mouthful of cheddar biscuits.
"Bentley give us the poem again." Yao prompts.
Bentley does. When he's finished Yao scratches his chin.
"Huh. Well I got nothing. Anyone else?"
The others shake their heads. Beatrice sighs.
"Great. This is going to be Hogwarts all over again."
"At least he gave us more to go off this time." Peach says.
"Yeah, what's every one freaking out over?" Amethyst asks, her feet up on the table. "This is Conner we're talking about, we know him. We'll be able to recognize anything he put in this town just by looking at it."
The restaurants owner strolls over to the table, an old sea captain type with a white cap and a corncob pipe.
"Yarrgh… How everyone's enjoying there meal? Can I freshen up anyone's grog?"
"No thanks we're good." Amethyst says.
"It does me well to hear so. Oh, and while I have you, have any of you landlubbers lost their lizard?"
He pulls a green iguana out of his blue coat.
"There's my baby!" One of Marge's sisters says grabbing the creature from him and cradling it.
"Don't you run off on me again Jub-Jub. You know I can't run as fast as I used to."
She and the captain walk off, Amethyst looks at the rest of the table and raises an eyebrow.
"I don't think it's the Iguana." Indy says flatly.
"Dang it!"
"Well, I'm just glad we're finally working on this as a group." Bentley says.
"Yeah, don't worry we'll pitch up from now on." Amethyst assures him.
Bart and Millhouse come running into the restaurant.
"Yo Amethyst, Yao I hear Krusty the clown's signing autographs at the mall, want to go?"
"You bet!"
The four dash off together laughing.
"Oh and that reminds me! We're late for our movie! Come along Markus and Beatrice." Peach says.
"Why do we keep bringing her places?" Markus mutters.
"Yeah why?" Beatrice asks.
Peach giggles. "Oh you too…"
The three of them get up and leave.
"Well I'll be out of the town if you need me." Lenny says. "Thanks for the biscuits."
He walks away whistling. Leaving Indy and Bentley alone at the table.
"You know, maybe we're giving them too much free time." Bentley says.
Indy grumbles.
…
That evening, Bart, Millhouse, Lisa, and Lenny are sitting in the den. Watching the Krusty the Clown show on the TV set, and laughing uproariously.
"Man! This show's gotten way better since they brought Sideshow Mel on." Bart laughs.
"Yeah, none of that thinking man's stuff the guy before him tried to shoehorn in." Millhouse says. "Remember that Bart? Remember when it was Sideshow Bob instead of Sideshow Mel?"
Bart sighs irritably. "Millhouse I was the one that got him arrested remember?"
"Oh yeah…"
Lenny chuckles fondly. "Ah those early classic episodes. Good times."
Homer comes running it, land line in hand.
"Kids! Change the channel! Everyone else get down here! Barney says you're on the news!"
The others come filling in and crow around the couch. Marge walks in reluctantly, Maggie in her arms.
"Hmm… Homer normally when someone in this house makes the news it's not good."
"Shhh! Quiet! We're on!" Amethyst says.
Bart's flipped to the local news. A man white a red suit, white hair and pronounced jowls sits behind his desk.
"This is Kent Brockman reporting live."
A picture of the Kwik-E-Mart appears in the top right corner.
"An armed robbery at the local Kwik-E-Mart! An act of petty burglary so common in this crap hole of the town that it's rarely makes the news, that is until 9:45 last night when one was thwarted by, so the owner claims, his best customer. A princess from a far away fantasy land!"
"I thought I was Apu's best customer." Homer says dejectedly.
"Way to go Peachy!" Markus says patting his friend on the back. Peach smiles modestly.
"It was nothing, I'm sure you or Beatrice would have done the same if you had had a hammer."
"Man I missed out on the fun." Yao says.
"We'll get the next bad guy champ." Amethyst assures him.
"This incident follows a string of a sighting of famous character from across film, television and popular media." Kent Brockman continues. "It seems all of fiction's descended on our sleepy little community. What's the cause of this? Some might say a local acting trope. An obvious answer sure, but it doesn't explain the strange appearance of these newcomers. Their, Pink skin, five fingers, no overbite, and the fact that they supposedly first appeared around the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant has had some jumping to alarming conclusions. That our good Samaritan and her kin are deformed nuclear mutants!"
"That's not our nuclear energy works." Indy mutters.
"Is it in Springfield." Bart insists. "Everyone knows the lakes full of three eyed fish."
"The possibility our beloved nuclear plant has indeed unleash of roaming ban of toxic freaks on us, has renewed scrutiny on it's operation and management, particularly safety inspector Homer J Simpson…"
Homer let's out an annoyed grunt.
"…As well as the plants owner and local corporate tyrant; Charles Montgomery Burns. Share of the plant's stock dropped five fold this evening, no doubt leaving the old miser enraged."
Kent shuffles his paper. The picture in the corner changes to one of Comic Book Guy being wheeled out of the hospital
"On related news, a local comic shop owner has vowed to turn over a new leaf, after recovering from a near deadly heart attack-"
Marge flips off the news.
"I can't believe they would say something so horrible without proof!" Lisa says angrily.
"Sweetie that's just always how it's been in this town." Marge says dismayed.
"It's true. We've the highest amount of angry mobs per capita in the country." Homer notes cheerfully.
Marge turns to the Endless gang.
"I'm sorry about this everyone."
"It's fine. Last group we worked with tried to kill us too." Beatrice says.
"No one's going to kill you." Homer says confidently.
There's a knock on the door. Homer walks over to the entrance hall an open it. The police chief's standing there in his blue uniform.
"Chief Wiggum, what are you doing here?"
"Evening Simpson." Wiggum says. "You're not harbouring those mutants are you? We want to dissect one."
"D'oh! I- uh… I mean I don't know where those mutants are."
Wiggum's eye's narrow he peers past Homer and through the open doorway to the Tv den. The Endless gang scamper out of his sightline.
"Hmm… Are you sure Homer? Flanders said they were staying with you."
"D'OH! I- I mean you know how Flanders is. Always seeing things like Jesus in potato chips and mutants in his neighbour's houses."
Wiggum chuckles. "That's true, he is like that." He smiles at tips his cap to Homer. "Well alright Homer, just thought I'd ask. You have a pleasant evening."
"Thanks for stopping by."
Homer shuts the front door and puts the deadlock on. Then dusts his hands.
"There! That's the police taken care of. If I know Wiggum he'll go back to the station, drink a bottle of ranch dressing and if no one else brings it up he'll have this whole mutant case forgotten about by morning."
"What about this Burns character?" Indy asks. Homer scoffs.
"Who? Mr Burns? I'm not scared of him off the clock, I've worked with him for years now. What's the worst he could throw at us?"
"****** Forget Burns." Markus says gesturing around to the others. "Me and my crew, we've survived armies, monster and the god damn Joker. Anything this town has got, we ready for."
…
The old car's engine groans as it makes its way up the drive. The night's cooler than most have been in many weeks, The gathering clouds have just begin to let slip their deluge as the driver gets out and walks up the steps to the manor. The great halls inside are dark and lined with gas lamps and foreboding paintings. The driver walks through them purposely, without so much as a turn of his head. He's seen all the paintings before, being well familiar with the house of his master.
He walks through two large mahogany doors into a quiet sitting room, the only light being the flames of the fire dancing in the hearth. The driver steps into it's light. He's a middle-aged man, bespectacled, with short ashy hair and a tawny jacket. He wrings his hands nervously as he steps forward, almost tripping over two bolster pillows lying on the rug.
"It's done Mr Burns."
He speaks to an armchair turned away from him, facing the tall window overlooking town. A soft chuckle emanates from it.
"Excellent Smithers."
Charles Montgomery Burns rises from his chair, his frame slender as it is ancient, tufts of silver hair surround a smooth bald scalp like a monk's tonsure. But nothing else about the old man seems remotely saintly. He looks down at his assistant expectantly over long pointed nose.
"Were any of the fine delinquents of the Springfield penitentiary open my generous offer?"
Smithers pauses to swallow before answering. His loyalty to Burns had made him a pawn in many an immortal act, but rarely did they ever make him so uncomfortable.
"Just… one sir."
"Splendid. You paid his parole then?"
"I did but sir…" Smithers looks around nervously, then leans over to Burns. "…he doesn't seem particularly stable. Maybe we should stick with our usual contacts…"
"Oh my dear Waylon. If you're going to go back on your word, leave me my poor dignity and do so to my face." Crones a dignified voice from the shadows.
The two pillows on the floor stir to life, reveling themselves to be two massive pairs of feet. Their owner emerges from the dark corner he was lurking in. He's tall, narrow and pale with a long face crowned by red spikes of hair like the fans of a palm tree.
Smither retreats behind Mr Burns in alarm. The stranger's lip twitch upwards into a half smile.
"Calm yourself Waylon. If I wanted to or your master dead I'd have already murdered you." His greasy smile broadens. "Not… that I'd be anything but grateful to the man that freed me from that… overcrowded rat pit."
Mr Burns examines the man carefully.
"To whom to I owe this home invasion?"
The stranger chuckles.
"How callous of me. Forgive my manners, prison is such a bore on one's etiquette."
He places a hand on his chest humbly.
"My name is Robert Terwilliger, though once I captivated children's hearts by another name, Sideshow Bob." He gestures to Burns. "And there is, of course no need for introduction for you C Montgomery Burns. There isn't a Springfielder alive or dead in the last century that hasn't heard of your infamous greed. Tell me… Is it true you once tried to block out the sun?"
"Enough flattery!" Burns snaps. "I have a job in mind for you Terwilliger. Smithers show him the file."
Smithers nods and hands Bob a folder. He flips through it inspect a dozen black and white picture of the Endless gang. He inspects them somberly.
"Odd looking bunch. Who are they? An acting trope you've come to disagreements with?"
"It doesn't matter what they really are. That damn Channel 6 has the people thinking their mutants let loose from my beloved nuclear plant." Burns turns towards the window furiously.
"I provide this whole ungrateful town with bondless power from my precious atoms and how do they repay me? By complaining endlessly of inhuman working conditions and repeated radiation leaks." He turns back to them. "I mean for pities sake, what more I am to be expected to do!? We already have a safety inspector!"
"They don't deserve you sir." Smithers agrees. Burns scowls he points out the window to the lights of Springfield below.
"If those moronic simpletons find even supposed evidence that I'm unleashing half human genetic monstrosities on them it'll be the straw that broke the camel's back. By net worth is plummeting by the minute at the very rumour of such a thing."
Bob gives him a hawkish grin. "Well then…it seems you're very desperate to be rid of this problem Monty. So begs the question… what are you willing to pay for my services?"
Burns scoffs.
"Oh! You think you can extort old man Burns in his hour of need do you? Well Mr Terwilliger I didn't amass my vast fortune by giving large chunks of it away to my hired goons. Especially ones that as Smithers tell me, have yet to do away with a simple ten-year-old boy!"
There's a sudden and violent change in Bob, he lunges forward and draws a machete from his belt and stabs it through the table besides Burns.
"DON'T!" He says through gritted teeth, face an inch from Burn's. "MENTION! THE BOY!"
Burns clears his throat awkward. Bob looks down to see he's run through one of Burn's hands with his blade. He pulls it out and chuckles awkwardly.
"Sorry. Temper."
"Don't worry that. I haven't had any circulation in that hand for years."
"Yes. Well…" Bob says recollecting himself "You have two choices Monty. Either I go down into that uncultured cesspit everyone claims is a community and tell the masses I have proof the mutants were your fault. Or…" He smiles superiorly. "You promise me that this job we'll be worth my time."
Burns stares at Sideshow Bob with growing loathing. After a long pause he groans resignedly and jerks his head to the wall opposite of the hearth. Like in most of the manor, a dozen paintings hang from the wall.
"Terwilliger you seem like a man that considers himself cultured. Why don't you inspect my art collection over there?"
Bob walks over to the wall, he inspects the first painting and pulls away in shock.
"This is a Monet."
He's eyes drift to the next one.
"Gotto."
And the next.
"Rembrandt, Munch, Van Gogh! Picasso! My god, I recognize this collection! This is-"
"The Von Herzenberger collection yes." Burns says. "Lost paintings by all the great masters stolen by the Germans during World War II."
"Impossible." Bob breathes. "There was an article that ran on this collection in Apollo, I know because someone made a shiv out of it and left in my liver. It was said that the Department of State recovered these and returned them to the descendant of the original owner."
"Yes. Delightful fellow that one." Burns says. "Unfortunately, he had a nasty skiing accident in the Alps a few months ago, terrible tragic wasn't it Smithers?"
Smithers smiles knowingly. "Terrible sir. And right after he put you in his will."
"They must be priceless." Bob says.
Burns nostrils flare.
"Eight of them can be yours. One for each of those people you make disappear."'
Bob briefly looks like his going be overcome with emotions again. Then he steels himself.
"Alive or dead?" He asks.
"I want them gone forever Terwilliger. Do you understand?"
Bob looks up at the paintings, and laughs mirthlessly.
"As you wish."
…
The door to Moe's Tavern swings open and Homer walks into the dim bar. Moe Szyslak, the hard of the eyes barkeep behind the counter looks up from the mug he's cleaning with a dirty bar rag.
"Oh hey Homer, how've you been?"
Indy walks in after Homer. Moe drops his mug and points angrily to him.
"Hey! Hey! HEY! No mutants in my bar!"
"I'm not a mutant." Indy barks.
"Ah, come on Moe! You don't really believe all that stuff about my friends right?" Homer asks dejectedly.
"Doesn't matter what I believe. I can't afford any more heat at this bar okay?"
"Moe you know how things work. The police and everything will blow this out of proportion for an awhile, then things will inevitably come to some sort of conclusion satisfying or otherwise, and everything will go back to the way they always were!"
"You know that. I know that. But we both know that knowing that won't make a lick of deference on how it plays out." Moe says. "Just don't come round near here no more for the next week and this'll all have hopefully blown over by then?"
"Yeah Homer!" A drunken bum languishing on one of the barstools calls. "We got to navigate these tough times like Britain's greatest Prime Minister navigating the moral complexities of the American Civil War."
Indy looks at him curiously. "You think Lord Palmerston is Britain's greatest Prime Minister?"
"YOU'RE SAYING HE'S NOT!?" Demands the drunk furiously. He grabs Indy by the shirt collar. Indy reaches for his holster. Moe ducks under the bar and grabs a shotgun with the agility of a man that's made this exact moment a hundred time. He cocks it and points it towards Indy.
"Go home Jones! And take Homer with you."
Homer sighs dejected and shuffles out of the bar. Indy follows him. Moe gives them a sympathetic look as they leave.
"Sorry about this. Big fan and all that."
..
Back at home, the two walk through the font door. Homer grumbling to himself as he fishes through the fridge for a beer.
"Stupid media and their fearmongering."
"Mr Simpson-" Indy begins.
"Don't worry Doc. Moe can't turn us away forever. A week from now he'll be begging me to come back."
"Homer. I don't want to be here in a week." Indy says. "It's time for my group to go."
"What! NOOO!"
"Homer quiet!" Indy says. "You'll cause a-" He sighs.
The rest of the house has run into the kitchen. Attracted by the noise.
"Dad, what's wrong?" Lisa asks.
"Our new friends are leaving." Homer says dismayed.
The children and several of the contestants cry out in dismay.
"NO!"
"You can't!"
"We're having so much fun!"
"Alright! Enough!" Indy commands sharply. The gang simmers down, though they still look mutinous.
"The holiday was nice but now we're taking advantage of the Simpson's hospitality. And now that the cops are after we need to keep a low profile."
Marge groans nervously.
"I'm afraid you're right. I'm just not comfortable with you leaving the house. And thirteen people living under the same roof won't be plenty of fun if eight of them can't leave.
"Says who?" Amethyst demands. "We can still have fun in here." Yao nods.
"Yeah! it'll be like being back on the ship."
"That's enough you two!" Bentley says. "You've both gotten too lazy for your own good. Time to pull your weight and contribute to the whole group."
Amethyst gives him a dirty look.
"Who's side are you on?" She whispers.
Bart tugs on his fathers shirt.
"Dad this is the coolest thing that's ever happen to us! Don't send them away!"
Homer groans and looks up at Indy sadly.
"Indiana Jones, I know I promised I'd help you and your friends leave. But my kids really want you to stay."
"Only one person ever stays. The rest move on. That's how it works Homer."
Homer sighs as does Beatrice.
"Alright." She says. "Let's go. I'm tired of drawing this out anyway."
…
That evening the group gathers in the backyard. Sitting on blankets in the grass around a slide projector. The Simpson's next door neighbour, Ned Flanders pokes his head over the fence.
"Hey there neighbour-renos. I can't help but notice you're harbouring those dang old nuclear diddly mutants the police chief's looking for."
Homer shoots him an indignantly look. "Flanders isn't there a passage in the Bible against tattling."
Ned laughs and pushes his glasses back into place.
"Actually Homer the Bible's very much pro tattling."
"Are you sure? When's the last time you read it cover to cover."
"Why just this Monday."
"Yeah? Well read it again!"
"Oakily-dokily."
Ned walks back into his home humming.
Indy walks into the backyard, back in his tweed jacket, he carries several slides with him.
"Class in session everyone. The topic of today's discussion is Conner O'Gleeson."
He puts in a slide and projects it against the back wall of the house. It's a picture of Conner, with the distinctive Springfield yellow skin and overbite.
"Where did you get that?" Yao asks.
"Apparently Conner wrote himself into the universe."
"Man, I've been on his show. It's not all that great." Bart says.
"Who can tell me something we know about our old host Conner?" Indy asks.
"He's tall." Yao says as once. Indy shakes his head.
"No. No! Something about his personality. Something that will help us get in his headspace."
"He's kind." Peach says.
"You think?" Yao asks.
"I do."
"He's loud and extroverted." Bentley offers.
"He's got a sense of humour all to his own." Markus says. "That ***** tight."
"He does things his own way because he doesn't care what people think of him." Amethyst offers.
"Amethyst is right, he's very experimental." Lenny says.
"He abandoned us and gave up hosting half way through the season." Beatrice says a little annoyed.
"He didn't even let me dance." Bart mopes.
Indy nods. "Good. Good…"
On a separate slide he writes down: Loud, Unique, Lazy, Experimental. He swaps in a slide of a map of Springfield.
"Alright, what's something in Springfield that's all those things, as well as fast? Something that lead us to a time portal of some kind?"
"The racetrack?" Marge offers.
Lenny shakes his head. "Can't be, that was in the first episode. I don't think Conner was on the production staff yet."
"The nuclear plant?" Bart says.
"How's the plant lazy?" Homer asks.
"You work there don't you dad?"
"Why you little-"
He reaches across the blanket and throttles Bart, the projector knocks over onto the ground, it's light bulb pressed against the blanket which begins smoking.
"Dad! The light." Lisa cries.
"Yo Mister Simpson!" Markus says. "You're gonna start a-"
The projector bursts into flames. Homer let's Bart go and screams.
"AGH! FIRE!"
He tears off his shirt and tries the beat it out, his shirt catches alight. He panics and flails about the lawn with the burning shirt screaming as the others try to stamp out the projector. Indy messages his eyelids in exasperation.
"Well try this another time."
…
Late that night. Indy lays in his sleeping bag on the floor of the rumpus room. Staring contemplatively at the ceiling.
He looks at a clock on the wall. It's nearly two in the morning and he hasn't slept a wink. The stress of the days failures keeping his mind active.
A noise draws his attention. The door to the room creeks open and out of the corner of his eye he can see a figure silhouetted in the light of the hallway.
"I'm sleeping in here tonight, alright?"
It's Beatrice. Indy grunts indifferently.
"Knock yourself out kid."
She lays down on the carpet next to him. She's in her chemise which was what she had normally been wearing to bed as of late. Conner had given her a set of pajamas in her hammerspace for Hogwarts, but she had thrown them out with the rest of her school supplies back in Narnia.
"Sorry. I didn't wake you did I?"
"No I haven't slept."
Beatrice pauses as if debating internally whether the remarks worth probing. Ultimately, she decides it is.
"The chains of commands are weighing on you are they?"
Indy lets out a long drawn-out sigh.
"God I wish someone could pick up the slack once in a while."
"Indy they need you." Beatrice says. "Everyone else besides you and maybe Bentley are a bunch of kids. Or… well Markus, Peach and Yao are all technically adults and Amethyst is a star monster Methuselah, but they're all kids mentally. They don't get anything done on there own."
"I know." Indy says irritably. "Unfortunately, because we don't have a host or any kind of formal objectives I'm stuck babysitting with the turtle."
"Lay off of Bentley alright? I know he's a Shorties but he seems alright."
Indy grumbles. "He's fine. I'm over the Mahri Nui thing but he's got other things about him that are hard to like."
"Like what?"
"He talks in his sleep."
Bentley from the corner where he's curled up and fast asleep suddenly gives a loud grunt.
"Sly? Can you read me?! SLLLY!"
Beatrice jumps back in alarm at the sleep screaming reptile. Indy gives her a very tired look.
"And to think, when Conner said we were merging I was looking forward to finally working on my own again."
Beatrice nods. "Me too."
"Why did you want to sleep down here anyway? I thought you ladies were happy up in Lisa's room?"
"We were… kind of. I just need a break from Peach for tonight."
"You're not giving her a hard time again are you?"
"Oh no. No, no, no. Never again. Princess Peach is…" She sighs. "…Despite anything I've said before, a wonderful selfless person. Way nicer than I am at least. Which is…kind of the problem."
"You don't like her including you in their group?"
"No. I… I don't know. Neither of us are ready for this, but she keeps trying to force it because we're running out of time. Once we're out of here, I'm gone and I'm probably never going to see her again."
"Listen kid, you don't know for sure you're out next." Indy argues. Beatrice shrugs defeated.
"The Shorties and Markus pretty much said it to my face."
"I could talk to them."
"It's fine." Beatrice says hugging her knees. "I just wish it didn't have to end this way."
…
Down the hall in the kitchen. Peach stands by the counter in her nightgown and sleeping cap, busying herself with something.
The light flips on and she turns around. Lisa's standing behind her in her turquoise nightdress, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
"Lisa it's the middle of the night? What are you doing up?" Peach asks.
"I could ask you the same question." Lisa replies. Peach smiles politely.
"Oh well… I decided since we'll be stuck indoors tomorrow, it'd be a nice surprise if a made everyone cupcakes, or cookies, or maybe a nice cake. Everyone likes cake wouldn't you say so Lisa?"
Lisa nods quietly. "You know, Mom bakes when she's upset too."
Peach puts down the bowl and goes still.
"This is about Beatrice isn't it?" Lisa asks.
Peach whimpers.
"I don't know what too do with her Lisa."
Lisa smiles tiredly up at her.
"I'll help with the cupcakes; you can fill me in while we bake."
Peach nods and begins to tell the girl all she knows. How before the merge there always seemed to be discourse among the Fact Hunters but it was never something that concerned her, how she was only vaguely aware of Beatrice and Rick's feud before she became a causality of it. How Beatrice made her feel hated for the first time in her life and how she was still unrepentant after she saved her life."
"-But she's made an effort after that." Peach insists, pulling the cupcakes out of the oven and moving to the table to help Lisa mix the frosting. "She came and tried to make up for things."
"Did she ever apologise?" Lisa asks.
"No…"
"You know Peach, you don't have to be friends with everyone."
"I know that." Peach says tiredly. "Someone told me once not to give people too many chances. But Beatrice seems like she wants to make things right. That's why I've been trying to help her, I wouldn't try with her if I didn't think that was what she wanted. But then again maybe I'm not being firm enough on her, and I still have my own feelings on the matter. It sounds terrible to say but even if she did apologise, I'm not certain I'd be able to forgive her." Peach sighs. "I'm so confused."
Lisa thinks to herself.
"Well…maybe if you give her some more time…"
"But we don't have any time!" Peach cries, forgetting the hour. "There going to get rid of her! If I don't fix this now I'll never be able to see her again."
"Aaaah." Lisa says slowly. "I understand now."
"You do?"
"I do. You want closure, and you're scared your not going to get it. So you're rushing into forgiving her even if neither of you are emotional ready for it yet. But by doing so you're only making things more uncomfortable between the two of you "
"I suppose so." Peach says impressed. "Lisa, you're very smart for your age, has anyone said that before?"
Lisa giggles. "It may have come up once or twice."
Peach gets up from the table to grab the cupcakes from the counter. She looks up to see Beatrice watching her from the hall and she screams in alarm, falling to the floor.
"Sorry!" Beatrice says rushing over. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I wasn't trying to be creepy."
She helps her to her feet.
"I know I shouldn't always be eavesdropping but this house makes it so hard not to."
"Oh that's fine. Were you just in that room back there?"
"Yeah, the kitchen shares a wall with the rumpus room, I was just in there because I figure I'd crash with Indy and Bentley tonight. Just you know, need a night away from… you I guess. I need to stop talking."
She goes quiet, and both of them are left staring awkwardly at each other from either side of the kitchen. Lisa looks at them both contemplatively. Peach's eyes flicker to her for a moment.
"What should I do?" She whispers.
"Be honest with her." Lisa urges. "Tell her how you feel."
Peach shallows hard. "Beatrice I'm sorry for-"
"It's fine I already heard." Beatrice says. "And don't apologize to me before I apologise to you. That's messed up. I…"
It's her turn to swallow uncomfortably. "I appreciate you trying to include me in things. But I'm not really ready for that right now. Or ever really. I'm not a people person." She shrugs. "But thank you for giving me a second chance."
She puffs out her checks and looks away.
"I'm… sorry for being such a jerk at Hogwarts. I'm not ever going to forgive Rick for how he acted but that doesn't mean what I did to you was okay." She winces. "It's fine if you don't forgive me."
She chances a glance at Peach. The princess is looking at her silently. Not angry, not graciously. Finally after a second of this she nods.
"Okay. I forgive you."
Lisa applauds them both.
"Nicely done you two. Doesn't that feel better?"
Both ladies make a non-committal noise.
"Do you want to hug things out?"
"No."
"I'll pass."
Lisa giggles. "Well, I tried."
"Yo you did aight."
This time both Peach and Beatrice yelp and nearly fall over. Markus's leaning in on the doorframe to the sitting room, looking tired but smug.
"Markus! Oh my stars. Don't do that!" Peach gasps. Markus gives her a boyish grin.
"My bad. I heard you ladies sneak out of your room."
"Beatrice apologised for everything." Peach tells him. Markus gives her an inquisitory look.
"Damn, about time."
Beatrice nods and pulls at a loose lock of her hair nervous.
"Yup. I'll try and stay out of way now."
Markus gives her an amused look.
"Nah it's fine. We're cool."
He offers her a handshake. She takes it timidly.
"Don't let me catch you hurting her again or it'll be ****** crazy up in this bitch." He whispers harshly. "Got it?"
"Yes sir." Beatrice says quickly.
Letsplay Lenny saunters into the room. His eyes light up when he sees the baking trays.
"Ah, Brilliant! Cupcakes."
"Lenny, you're up too?" Lisa asks surprised.
"Gems don't sleep remember?" He says grabbing an unfrosted cupcake and taking a bite. "Delicious ladies, but it'd recommend frosting next time."
Lisa let's out a little amused sigh. "Now I see why Mom's nervous of about everyone staying in the house full time."
"Sorry." Markus says, grabbing a cupcake and dipping it in the bowl of pink frosting the ladies were preparing.
"It's fine." Lisa smiles. "Mom worries about a lot of things, you guys, me and Bart, Dad, Maggie, air travel, the old monorail."
"The monorail?" Beatrice asks.
"Oh yes, if you ask mom it was the biggest mistake the town ever made."
Lenny freezes and Markus chokes on his muffin. In the hall the rumpus room's door flies open and Indy bolts out staring at them.
"Lenny?" Markus asks. "Who wrote Marge vs the Monorail?"
…
By the time the sun's risen the entire house is gathered around an old souvenir post card of an elevated train.
"It all fits." Indy breathes. "This is our ticket out of here."
Homer groans. "Oh, do you have to go now? That old monorails probably's not going to work anyway."
"What are you, an expert on monorails?" Beatrice asks.
"Young lady I'll have you know I was the conductor on that monorail." Homer says importantly. "I took a class for it and everything. Did you know that mono means one, and rail means rail?"
Beatrice looks at Homer funnily. If everything Lenny and Markus say about this world being a story is true. Then it would mean that Homer's time as a conductor was both something the flesh and blood person in front of her did of his own will, and something her host willed into being with a simple stroke of the pencil. The thought is such an affront to her grasp on reality that she quickly buries it and all it's implications.
Marge pats her husband on the shoulder.
"There, there Homie, we can send everyone away with out at least one last meal together."
"Yeah…" Amethyst says, pulling Markus and Peach to one side. "And maybe in the what you guys decided about my offer. You guys are gonna join the Shorties, right?"
Peach and Markus glance at one another.
"Nah. We're good." Markus says.
"Thank you for the offer." Peach smiles. "But me and Markus have decided we're going to work on our own from now on."
The two drift back over to the others, as Amethyst's jaw hits the floor.
"They broke our alliance." Yao says deeply offended.
Amethyst struggles with her emotion for a moment before she get's herself under control.
"It's cool." She says voice shaky ever slightly. "We'll just have to do something so cool they'll be begging to join us."
Marge grabs a notepad from the kitchen.
"Okay. If we're throwing a dinner party, we'll need a new tablecloth."
"We'll get it!" Yao and Amethyst say at once.
"You two are guests." Homer says. "Bart we'll do it for us."
"Why me?" Bart asks.
"Because I said so!" Homer orders.
Bart grumbles.
…
Bart's sent out of the house with a crisp ten-dollar bill, which is almost immediately spent on candy. Afterward he's left wandering the streets of downtown.
"Alright, tablecloth, tablecloth. Where could I get a free one?"
He pauses for a moment then snaps his fingers.
"Aha!"
Bart scampers off ducking through busy streets until he find himself in the alleyway behind the local Italian restaurant. Sure enough there's an old tablecloth sticking out of the dumpster.
"Alright!"
He pulls it out and inspects it.
"I little stained, but ah, what the hell? I'm sure there a way to make mom think dad did this."
He turns to dash back out of the alleyway. A figure steps out of the shadows to block his way, grinning vicious.
"Hello Bart."
The boy shrieks.
"AAH! SIDESHOW BOB!"
He turns to run. Bob seizes him by the collar and pins him to a brick wall. Bart trembling in horror.
"A-are you g-going kill me?"
Bob chuckles darkly.
"Believe me, I'd love to. But I have a different goal today."
"Not Krusty!"
"You're new friends." Bob says. "You said they're leaving town? Tell me, exactly how and when will that be happening."
"No way man! Bart Simpson is nobody's snitch!"
Bob takes out his machete and holds it to the boys throat.
"Oh really?"
…
The front door slams close. Marge looks up to see Bart pressed against it panting.
"Bart! I though your father asked you to grab a tablecloth for dinner?"
"No time Mom!" Bart says in panic. "We gave to get the gang on there train! Now!"
…
Homer's pink sedan and Marge's red station wagon race each other down the street, hoping to get to the monorail fast as they can.
"Faster Mom! Faster!" Bart pleads. "We need to get the gang out of here!"
"Wow, we'll miss you too kid." Beatrice says sarcastically.
"You don't understand." Bart says. "We got to go now! No time for anything!"
Peach shrieks.
"Oh my! I forget something!"
"What?" Bart asks.
…
The station wagons parked in the Kwik-E-Mart's front lot. The others waiting impatiently as Apu sobs into Peach's arms.
"Oh ho I will miss you so much Miss Toadstool! No one as ever purchased so much of my stores terrible crap in such a short time!"
He wails harder into her shoulder, Peach pats him on the back and gives the others an apologetical look.
…
They see the long steel ribbons of the monorail track lurking above them long before they see the train. The bullet shaped craft's six cars with accordion joints and painted white with a red strip down it's side. The monorail looks neglected, as if it hasn't been used in several months at the very least.
Both cars pull up the bass of the station where it's parked. Soon as there out of the car Marge throws her arms around as many of the contestants as she can.
"Look after yourselves for us okay?"
"We will Mrs S." Markus promises.
Lisa walks forward to shake their hands.
"It's been a pleasure everyone. I hope you enjoy the rest of your journey through the cosmos."
Homer steps forward, wringing his hands.
"Well I guess this is it." He says unhappily. "I wish you guys could stay forever. But Marge is right like she always is. You've got more important places to be than our modest little house. So just promise be when your out there in whatever amazing place you go next, try and remember the Simpsons. I know were not the best family in the world or the most functional, or the richest, but we love each other an-"
"Hurry it up Homer!"
"BART! I'm trying to make a speech here!" He pauses for a moment the groans in despair. "OH now I forget what I was gonna say."
"Homer…" Indy walks forward and hands something to Homer.
"…Thanks for the room and board."
Homer looks at what he's been give. Indy's placed a piece of Wonka's chocolate in his hands. Homer let's out a wail and throws his arms around the archeologist, balling uncontrollably. Bart shoves his father off of Indy.
"Alright Dad, they've got to go."
The cast waves goodbye to the hosts and climbs the stairs to the station. A cloud of dust pours out of the train as they walk into the cockpit.
"Right, who knows how to drive a monorail?" Beatrice asks.
Bentley blows the dust of the controls. "Give me thirty seconds and I can have this thing up and running at full capacity.
He takes off a panel under the controls and starts fiddling with the wires. Yao looks at the others smugly.
"Lucky we had a Shortie on hand right fellas?"
Amethyst laughs. "Yeah no big deal, just the team that always fixes things saving the day again sons!"
"Didn't you two side with Rourke back in Atlantis?" Beatrice asks. Amethyst gives her a dirty look.
"You know Beatrice you're right, I think it's time to pick who were leaving behind. Everyone that wants bird girl gone, raise your hand."
The train rumbles to life and lurches forward with a groan, almost knocking several of them off their feet.
"Hey what gives?" Amethyst asks.
Bentley closes the hatch under the control panel laughing triumphantly.
"Ha! What did I tell you? Easier than making a sandwich for Murray!"
"Wait, Bentley stop the train we've still got eight people!"
"We'll have to let someone off at the next station then."
He pulls a lever towards himself, The old train shutters and lurches forward
Back on the ground, the Simpson family watch it pull out of the station. Homer still weeping, already finished his chocolate.
"Oh I'm gonna miss those crazy kids. They gave me the one thing I always wanted. A piece of candy from a children's book."
Bart screams. Homer turns to glare at him.
"Boy why must you keep ruining by moments of sincerity?"
Bart points up. Homer looks and screams as well.
Above them, The door of the monorail station's maintenance closet's throw open and out shoots Sideshow Bob. With breathtaking agility, he scales the stations covered roof and with a running start leaps from it, making a three point landing on the sixth car of the departing train.
In the cockpit Peach opens the window adjacent to the windshield and cultches her heart. Touched by what she sees.
"What a wonderful family The Simpson's were. Look how sad they are to see us go."
Some of the others crowd around to look. The Simpson families running along side them, trying to keep up with the monorail, waving frantically while they do.
"Peachy that don't look like sad waving." Markus says uncertainly.
There's a loud crash from the back of the train. Yao opens the cockpit door and peers down the aisle.
"Uh, I think I found what they're worried about."
Everyone but Bentley looks. Bob's standing in the far back of the sixth car. Beaming with a grim delight.
"Hey uh buddy? Monorails closed." Amethyst shouts. "You might want to get off...Whoever you are."
Bob chuckles.
"So nice to finally make your acquaintance my dear Endless cast!" He calls. "You're as colourful as I was told you be. Each one of you worth a masterpiece!" He brandishes his machete. "I hope you don't see this as personal. I am man of culture. I do what I must for the-"
"Not interested!" Indy says. He slams the cockpit door and holds it closed. "Lenny who was that?"
"Sideshow Bob, local sociopath."
Indy grumbles exasperatedly.
"And here I thought we were going to get out of here without any action."
Bob smashes the porthole on the door with his fist.
"I WASN'T FINISHED MY SPEACH!" He screams at them throw the door.
"Tough luck!" Indy shouts back. Bob howls in fury. They can hear him savaging the door with his blade.
"What are people doing back there?" Bentley demands.
"Yo uh.. Someone's trying to eighty-six us again." Markus says.
"Can you tell him to be quieter about it? This bucket of bolts needs my full attention."
"We're on it bud!" Yao says. "Amethyst! I need another Mahri Nui maneuver!"
"Right!"
"Do you need our help?" Peach asks, pulling out her hammer. Amethyst shoots her a smug look.
"Just sit tight Peachy. This one's gonna be all Shorties. OPEN THE DOOR DOC!"
Indy lets go of the handle and Bob barges in. Amethyst picks up Yao and hurls him a Bob, sending them both careening into the next car. Soon as he gets up Amethyst herself carrines into him a like a bowling ball, he goes careening him another car back.
He gets up unharmed, takes one look at his two attackers then laughs.
"Really? This is the best you people can do?"
"You want to kill the others you'll have to get through us."
Bob sneers. "You make it sound challenging."
He grabs his machete. Amethyst pulls out her whip and Yao readies his fists as Bob lunges towards them.
Back in the cockpit, the others watch the fight apprehensively.
"Yo anytime you good Bentley…" Markus says.
"I'm doing all I can." Bentley insists impatiently. "And I still haven't a clue how I'm supposed to get this thing to time travel!"
"Bring me to speed, go back in time" Indy quotes. "And he said it was a reference to something.
Markus chuckles to himself.
"You could like try making this thing go eighty-eight miles per hour."
Bentley immediately begins pulling on the speed throttle. Markus looks alarmed.
"Bentley. ****** I was joking dawg!"
"Well unless anyone has any better ideas it's the best lead we've got!"
…
The train lurches violently as it speeds up. Two cars down Yao and Amethyst try to keep their balance as they herd Bob like a bull. Amethyst beating him back with her whip while Yao aims hard punches at his legs. Both dodging slashes from his machete.
"You can't keep this up forever!" Amethyst shouts. Bob laughs mirthlessly.
"Believe me, I've plenty of experience fighting children."
"WHO YOU CALLING A KID!?" Yao thunders. Bob whirls around a seizes him by the stubby little ankle.
"… The trick is to wait until there guards down."
He hurls the little man through a window. It shatters and he goes flying out the speeding train.
"YAO!" Amethyst shrieks.
She leaps to the window, and catches him with her whip, pulling him back into the train. Bob smirks.
"Nice catc-"
She sends him across the room with a blow from her fist. Amethyst inflated herself to the size and shape of a wrestler.
"NOBODY! TRIES! TO! HURT! MY! FRIEND!"
She punctuates each word with a strike. Knocking Bob back another car, this one a lounge with a bar and paintings on the wall. Bob struggles to stay on his oversized feet. She readies a finished her, but he dodges it. Feinting a faint and ducking behind the bar. He laughs at her.
"Good try, but my bodies spent years being abused for children's amusement. You on the other hand…"
He slices at her arm with his machete. It goes halfway through her bicep and she transforms back, clutching the arm in agony. She falls to her knees in the doorway. Yao leaps over her and tackled Bob. Bob yelps and tries to get to his feet. The little Chinese man now riding on his shoulders, beating at his head.
"AGGH! Get off of me!"
"Get him Yao!" Amethyst cheers.
Yao clings to Bob's hair as the man flails behind the bar. Yao twists him around and smashes him into the mirror against the wall several times.
"Ow! OW! AGH! STOP!"
He grabs a broken shard of the mirror and slashes blindly at Yao.
"STAND STILL ALREADY! YAAGH!"
Amethyst has just stomped on one of his giant shoes. Bob leaps back in agony, and hops around on one foot.
"Why my foot!? Why always my poor feet!?"
His balance already precarious hopping around, Yao pulls back on Bob's hair and slams him in the bar and he collapses in a heap. Yao cheers victoriously.
"Yeah! That one's from the Shorties!"
"Yeah! Don't mess with the Squad fool!" Amethyst boasts.
The two of them make to fist bump. Just then the monorail hits a bend and their throw to the left, the velocity tears the bar from the floor and it crashes into them.
…
In the cockpit the others and thrown about.
"50 miles an hour!" Bentley calls.
"Can you slow down when you hit those turns!" Beatrice pleads.
"Can't afford to lose speed." Bentley grunts. "55 miles!"
The town of Springfield whirls past them in a blur.
"I think we pasted our station." Lenny notes.
"Lenny if I start this thing now they'll be no guaranteeing it'll start again." Bentley says irritably. "60 miles!"
"Well then, what's your plan on eliminating someone?"
"I don't know! We'll cross that bridge when we get there!"
"Uh I don't know if that's a great plan?" Markus says. Bentley turns around and glares at the others.
"Well how's this for an idea? You stop asking moronic questions and I focus on KEEPING THIS SPEEDING DEATH TRAP UNDER CONTROL! HOW'S THAT SOUND!?"
The other five stare at him.
"I'm on board with that plan." Beatrice says quickly.
Bentley sighs and turns his attention back to the controls. They hear sounding from the fight behind them. Bentley winces.
"Lenny! Go help them. I'd feel a lot less stressed if my friends weren't in moral peril."
"Bruh, I mean when are we not?" Markus laughs. Bentley gives him a furious look and the rapper goes quiet.
"Right. I'll shut up now."
…
Back in the lounge Yao's struggling to pull Amethyst from the wreckage of the bar.
"Come on! Move!"
"Ow stop! You're pulling my hair."
Her long mane of pale blue hair's stuck in a rat's nest of splintered paneling, smashed bar stools and broken booths that have piled up on the right side of the car.
"Yao, it's stuck, cut me loose."
"I can't cut your hair! Disfiguring your body brings shame to your ancestors!"
"Yao for the last time I sprung out of the ground fully formed. I don't have ancestors!"
"Well why didn't you say so."
He grabs a shard of the mirror and slices through Amethyst's hair and pulls her out.
"That's pal." She breathes. "How do I look?"
Yao inspects Amethyst's hair, he's cut in down to chin length.
"Not bad." He says. She beams at him.
"Sweet!"
A noise draws their attention and the see Bob staggering to his feet. Amethyst groans loudly.
"Are you kidding me dude? Can't you take a message?"
Bob laughs.
"First rule of Springfield stranger! No one in this damn town ever learns their lesson!"
He picks him his machete and leaps forward at them. Amethyst blocks his blow with a barstool.
…
The train shutters as it Bentley pushes it faster.
"75 miles!" Bentley grunts. "80 Miles!"
The others look up, directly in front of the train, the air's begin to blur and distort. Markus curses sofly.
"Hold up, I think it's actually working. Yo Bentley give it some more juice!"
"I'm trying!" Bentley throws sis whole weigh on the throttle. "Come on! 81! 83! 85! NO!"
Something explodes in the nose of the train and red flames lick past the windows.
…
In the Lounge, the train suddenly gives a massive jolt as it loses speed. Bob nearly loses his footing again. Amethyst shoves him backwards into the next car, He springs up almost instantly. And a moment later he's got them back on the defensive.
"Seriously dude?" Amethyst says through gritted teeth as she blocks another of Bob's blows with what's left her barstool. "Leave us alone. "We're skipping town as we speak."
"And I'd be so happy to leave in piece. But then I wouldn't receive my payment." Bob says. "Such as shame, but life's not fair."
Yao stomps on his foot again, wincing, Bob turns around and aims a strike a him. Yao goes diving out of the way and Bob wenges his blade in the accordion connector between cars five and six. He curses and struggles to pull it out, Yao and Amethyst's taking the opportunity to flee past him and behind on the seats.
"How are we supposed to ditch this guy?" Amethyst hisses furiously.
Yao peeks over the seat. Bob's pulled his machete loose, tearing a hole in the joint between the cars. Yao gasps.
"I got an idea."
He whispers something to Amethyst. She nods and leaps from the seat, transforming into a fly.
"Yo Bobby my man, this is been fun and all but it's time for you to buzz off."
Bob shouts her a look of disgust. "Really now!? If you wanted that tacky word play to word you should have made yourself a bee!"
"I mean… I still think it's a pretty good pun for one made on the fly."
Bob snarls and slashes at her. She dodges effortlessly and buzzes over to his other side.
"I'm over here now dude."
Another desperate attack.
"Missed me."
Another.
"Missed me times two."
She buzzes around him laughing. Sideshow Bob snarling and growling in increasing fury. His strikes cutting the joints of the train to ribbons.
…
In the cockpit Bentley's ducked beneath the control panel again, Hurriedly attaching wires to each other.
"AHA! Yes! I think I have it!"
He pulls himself upright and wrestles the controls again.
"I think she's got one more shot left in her. Come on! Let's make in count."
…
The train starts to accelerate, the damage connector keeping the last car attached begins to tear apart, Amethyst grins.
"Now Yao!"
"Right!" Calls a voice that isn't Yao. And suddenly Sideshow Bob's seized by the ankles and flung back into car five.
Amethyst transforms back into herself mouth agap.
Lenny's standing over Bob. Looking satisfied with himself.
"Morning everyone."
"LARRY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING! " Amethyst shrieks.
"Apologies you two. Just seeing if you two need a hand?"
Bob leaps to his feet and strikes at Amethyst again, Yao pushes her out of the way.
"Tell the others we don't need your help!" Yao snarls "This is purely a Shortie thing!"
"Actually it was Bentley that send me."
Yao and Amethyst both briefly look betrayed, the moment's all it takes for them to lose focus.
"AMETHYST LOOK OUT!" Yao calls.
Amethyst's reaction is off by single second. Bob's machete passes cleanly through her midsection with one shift unobstructed movement. She falls to the ground into two perfect piece. A look of horror frozen on her face before she explodes into blue dust.
"NOT AGAIN!" Yao wails. Bob laughs triumphantly.
"One down; seven to go!" He sings.
…
"Back to 70 miles! Almost there!" Bentley calls.
"Uh… Bentley?" Beatrice says uncertainly. Bentley grumbles.
"Now's not the time for anything you have to say!" He snaps.
"Really?" Indy asks "What if she was saying something about that?"
There's a chunk of debris on the track in front of them. Bentley adjusts his glasses to look at it.
"That I'll admit is worth saying something about?"
"What do we do?" Peach asks.
Bentley examines the track ahead, before the branch there's a track switch. He takes a breath resignedly.
"Everyone hold on, this is going to be bad!"
The Monorail hits the turn at full speed. There's a hideous screeching sound as the switch carves a deep gash into their left side.
…
In the rear the connector's critical comprised. Yao opportunely on instinct, throws Amethyst's gem to Lenny then charges Bob, tackling him and sending them both into the sixth car. The connector lets out a wail of failing parts. Yao gets up and dives towards car five. He grabs on as it fails, and car six is thorn from the rest of the monorail
"AAAAGH!"
His hands dig into the shorn bits of car, his white knuckled grip, the only thing keeping car six attached.
"LARRY HELP!"
…
"Bentley, another important question." Jones says. "Did we ask Conner if time travel negates acceleration?"
"We've got more immediate problems!" Bentley calls.
The other's look up to see they've switched onto a straight away, one that ends in a dead-end they're rapidly approaching.
"Conner wouldn't let us all die would he?" Peach asks desperately. The others glance at each other and laugh fearfully.
"Everyone brace yourselves!" Indy calls.
"Eighty five!" Bentley calls.
…
Lenny bends down.
"Yao I'm going to need you to give me you're hand!"
"I can't! I'll lose my grip!"
Something stirs behind, them. Sideshow Bob's back on his feet.
"Yao you might want to hurry." Lenny suggests.
…
"Eighty Six!"
…
Sideshow Bob looks like he's readying himself to make a run for it.
"Now Yao."
Yao looks behind him, he turns back to Lenny, something changes in his expression.
"Lenny! You got Amethyst!?"
"Yes. Why?"
…
"EIGHTY SEVEN!"
…
Yao takes a deep breath. Bob's almost upon him.
"Tell Amethyst thanks for having me on the team."
Bob leaps for the car. Yao let's go. The edge of the track barrels towards them.
Then, all at once, the monorail hit's eighty eight miles per hour, and everything goes still.