Total Drama Endless, Episode Twenty, Part One
...
Slowly Indiana Jones comes to.
It's the sound of the others stirring that wakes him from his daze. He hears them struggling to pull themselves out of the ruined monorail car. The trains cockpit, which before the crash had been a bright and spacious room was now transformed into a dark, cramped rats' nest of shatter glass and broken paneling. Indy tries moving his arm, everything hurts but nothing feels broken. A pained moan to his right alerts him to a presence. Seemingly Bentley. With some difficultly he gropes down and finds the turtle's chin, He wraps his forearm around it and slowly, painfully inches the both of them towards a sliver of light a metre a way.
When he finally pulls himself out of the cockpit, he almost loses his senses again.
They've rolled out onto staggeringly hot sand in a staggeringly bright desert. Indy pulls himself to his feet and covers his eyes. Squinting around at his surroundings. He sees five of the six cars of the Springfield Monorail wrecked against the gentle windward slope of a vast sand dune. The front car he's just climbed out of laying near the crest, half crushed and upside down. He can see Markus helping the two ladies to their feet before he doubles over and curses.
"…Never again." Beatrice says shakily as she tries to support herself on her own feet. "I don't care how far I've come and how much it's taken to be here, If we have to go through something like that to get to our destination again I'm quitting on the spot."
"Are you three alright?" Indy asks.
"Just spooked a little, but yeah… we'll be good." Markus says. "Yo you two good over there?"
Bentley let's out another groan of pain. Indy gives the reptile a hard look and his heart sinks.
Bentley's stubby little legs, have been crushed and mangled by the crash. They stick out from beneath him at odd angles uselessly.
The other three crowd around him casting down looks of disbelief at the poor creature's agony.
"Bentley, your legs…" Beatrice says.
"Never mind me," Bentley says through gritted teeth. "Where's my teammates?"
Peach pulls away and half jogs, half slides down the dune to the remains of the fifth car, which is also flattened and on its roof. She let's out a sharp cry. Markus and Beatrice come running to her side.
They sees a pale yellow hand, hanging limp from the wreckage, two gemstones laying on the sand next to it.
"They're not-"
"Dead? No. I don't think so." Beatrice says answering Peach's question. "This happened to Amethyst back in Bug World or whatever it was called. They'll be fine."
The green labradorite suddenly rises into the air, and in a burst of light Letsplay Lenny's appears in front of them, besides him getting his shirt back and getting a slight change to his jacket. Nothing seem to be out of the ordinary. He beams his usual grin at them.
"Well. That was harrowing."
Amethyst reforms next to him. Her hair still short, her skin still blue. Her eyes dart around urgently.
"Where Yao?"
The others stay silent, but Amethyst reads their uneasy expressions. Her face floods with horror.
"No…"
She leaps up and sprints up the dune behind them, calling Yao's name desperately.
Lenny makes an awkward face at the others.
"I don't suppose you lost anyone back in the cockpit?"
"Nah." Markus says.
Lenny grimaces. "I was afraid of that."
They walk back up the dune. Indy's eyes flicker past each of the them, one by the one, then to Amethyst now flying above, still shouting desperately.
"We lost him?" He asks. The others nod.
"Just seven of us now." Peach says.
Indy nods grimly. Bentley silently hangs his head.
Amethyst lands next to the them on the crest, running along in it a frenzy.
"YAO! YAO! WHERE ARE YOU!?"
"Amethyst do the math!" Indy snaps. "We left Springfield with eight people and now we're down to seven. Figure it out."
Amethyst stands there panting, looking up at him in horror.
"No."
"That's how the game works."
"No. NO! It's not! It's not fair!"
"This game's not fair." Beatrice counters.
"SHUT UP!"
Amethyst whips around and pushes Beatrice to her feet. The others stand in front of her defensive.
"Hey! What's your problem?" Beatrice asks.
"YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO HOME!" Amethyst shrieks. "US SHORTIES SAVED YOU ALL FROM BOB! WE'RE HEROES! AND YOU LEAVE YAO TO DIE YOU STUPID, SELFISH-"
"AMETHYST!"
Amethyst turns around, with extreme difficulty Bentley sits himself up and glares at her.
"I was the one that said we didn't have time to do a formal elimination." He says firmly. "Crippling myself and losing Yao are my miscalculations. If you're going to yell at anyone. Yell at me."
Amethyst stares at him for a moment, eyes bulging and wild looking. Then She screams and runs off down the dune, shrieking and shouting and she kicks sand into the air bitterly. Bentley watching her sadly. He sighs.
"She'll be fine." He assures the others. "She just need to get this out of her system."
"What about you?" Peach asks.
Bentley chuckles weakly.
"I'll live. I've survived without my legs before." He grimaces wistfully. "I should have know getting them back was too good to be true."
Beatrice looks around at the wreckage.
"We have to be more careful from now on. This happened at Hogwarts too. Every time we forget to officially eliminate someone it punishes us."
"It?" Indy asks. "It? Beatrice it isn't some mysterious it doing this to us, it's our host."
He's expression sours and he turns to the open sky.
"Was that entertaining for you!? Was it good television!? Let us know we'll do another take!"
"I don't think Conner can hear you." Beatrice says.
"Yes, he can." Indy says bitterly.
"So uh ay yo and all that." Markus interjects. "When e'verbodies finished their emotional crisis, I'd be down to find out what planet we're on."
"What makes you think we're not on Earth Markus?" Indy asks. Markus chuckles.
"****** last I checked I'm pretty sure The Earth only has one of those."
He points a finger to the sky.
Two suns, one yellow, one red glare down at them.
Indy squints at them.
"Lenny?"
"I might have an idea." Lenny says. "But I'd need to see some local landmarks."
"Oh you want landmark!?"
Amethyst has stormed back over to them, still fuming.
"I'll give you landmarks! To you're right, there's sand. Left of you, more sand. Everywhere you look, north, south, east and west, course, irritating sand! Sand! SAND! Nothing but sand far as the see!"
"Then fly off and find us something that isn't desert." Indy orders.
"Sure I'll just do that." Amethyst says sarcastically. "I'll go risk my neck again for this group, then maybe if I'm lucky I'll be like Yao and get rewarded by GETTING ELIMINATED!"
She storms off ranting again. The others look at each other defeatedly. Peach takes a deep breath then smiles.
"Well, if no one knows what to do, we'll just have to hitch up our skirts, have courage and walk until we find what we're looking for."
"Damn Peachy, look at you taking initiative and ***. I like it. I'm down." Markus says. "Anyone got any objection?"
The others stay silent. Amethyst marches over to Bentley and gentle hosts him onto her back. She pushes past Peach and Markus.
"Come on. Faster we get out of here, faster you people lose."
The others exchange a look then follow after her.
…
One foot, then the other. Up one dune, down another, across the one after that.
Hour after hour the seven contestants march through the baking desert, the twin suns beating down on them. Evidently it must have been morning when they arrived because with every passing hour the heat and light grow more and more oppressive. The heat mixed with the physical exertion weighs on them like iron shackles. After a few hours every dune becomes a mountain to scale. The scattered conversations dry up as even thinking becomes too much of a burden. The heat is a dry one, like being baked in an oven, the kind where you don't recognize your sweating until you're drenched.
A half hour in the take stock of their water rations. Indy pulls a mostly empty wooden casket of water and a few canteens from his hammerspace, the others stare at it hungrily.
"Ease up on the looks." He warns. "This is all the water we have, and we don't know how long we'll be out here. It has to be rationed."
And he's strict to his word, giving the others no more then a mouthful every few hours. It doesn't to them much help.
By the time of mid afternoon only the two gems remain unaffected by things. Indy and Markus have long since shed their jackets both men glistening with sweat. Beatrice with her long hair and Bentley with his cold blood are both in agony and even the normally unflappable Peach is exhausted and disheveled.
"When's the next water break?" Beatrice moans in despair. Her face flushed red with heat.
"Not for a while." Indy says.
"Please Indy, I need water."
"We'll all get through this together Beatrice, don't worry." Peach assures her.
Beatrice sways on her feet, she takes a step forward, then let's out an anguished cry and collapse.
"Beatrice!" Peach cries.
She rushes over and knees down next to the girl. Beatrice lays there taking quick shallow gasps off air, her body suddenly spasming.
"Beatrice! Beatrice are you alright!?"
Beatrice let's out a choking sob. Indy runs over to them.
"What's wrong with her?" Peach asks.
"Heat stroke." He says, quickly pulling out a canteen.
"Beatrice, honey I'm sorry. Drink as much of this as you can."
He pours the water down her throat as she continues hyperventilating, then lifts her up from her underarms.
"Here, get her out the direct sun."
He drags her over to the shadow of a dune crest, digging out an indent to try and get more shade, before taking off Beatrice's sea cloak.
"Does anybody have a pole or anything long?"
Peach lends him her hammer. He takes it, then ties to old torches together and plants them in the sand, draping Beatrice's cloak over it to make a small tent over the indent. He lays her in it then collapses in the shade next to her. Peach and others to the same.
"Will see be okay?" She asks.
"Hopefully." Indy pants, wiping the sweat from his brow. "We need to rest too, we're at risk as well. We shouldn't have tried walking turning the day."
"I'm sorry." Peach says. Indy shakes his head.
"It's fine, I'm the one that should have caught that."
Markus grins at him. "You're slippin Professor."
"Give me a break, I just survived a train crash and a trek through the desert." Indy says annoyed. "It must be a 120 degrees out, you try and think in this heat."
Markus chuckles feebly. "Nah. I'm good."
"HEY! Why aren't we still moving!?" Amethyst demands.
"We're done moving for the day." Indy says. "Try and get some rest, we'll wait out the heat and pick it up again tonight."
Amethyst grumbles to herself.
"Humans…"
…
The first thing Indy notices when he's lulled from sleep is that the heat's relented. The second thing he notices is the thing that's actually woken him, a rich musical humming coming from his right.
He pulls his hat off and opens his eyes. The twin suns have finally gone down, replaced by three moons, partially obscured by dust clouds. In the darkness his eyes strain for the source of the music. They make out the dim figure of Peach humming to herself.
"Peach." He whispers.
The humming stops.
"Good evening, Doctor Jones. Is it time to continue our adventure?"
"Maybe… How long have you been up?"
"I haven't slept a wink, not that I mind. Someone had to stay up as a lookout."
"What about Lenny?" Indy asks.
"The Princess wanted to keep me company." Lenny's voice replies. Indy hears him stroll over. "Shall we be on our way Doctor Jones?"
Indy weights their options.
"We should eat something first."
…
Soon enough the three of them have moved to the base of the dune, Indy's splintered another of his torches and made a small campfire of it. Peach busies herself splintering another one with a knife.
"We'll have to find more kindling somewhere soon, I've only got so many of those torches." Indy warns. He searches through his hammerspace and pulls out a pot, a pan, and several metal trays.
"How much of the Whitmore Expeditions supplies did you end up swiping Professor?" Lenny asks.
"I'm not shy about stealing from people that try and kill me." Indy says, continuing to pull out items so he can take inventory.
"Doctor Jones? Would It be alright if I had a tiny sip of water?" Peach asks.
Indy tosses her a canteen.
"Here, you've earned it Princess."
She smiles graciously and drinks.
"I appreciate you trying to keep the morale up your majesty." Indy says. "It's made my life a little easier today."
"It's the least I can do." Peach says modestly.
"Though I must say It's strange to see you of all people taking initiative Princess Peach." Lenny comments.
Peach laughs.
"Yes, I'll admit its strange for me as well to not be the leader. But I've have been so lucky to have such good teammates take command."
"Pardon me, I meant compared to your role in the games."
"Yes so did I, my role in this game is quite different then the one I play back in my kingdom."
Lenny chuckles. "What I'm trying to get across is it's interesting to not see you play the role of the damsel in distress for once, like you back in the Super Mario Bros video games."
Peach gives him an odd look.
"Ignore him Princess, he likes to make nonsense comments like that." Indy says. "He does it around me all the time."
Peach nods.
"Okay then. Here, Doctor do want the canteen back? I've had my sip."
"Take another." Indy insists. "Just don't drink all of it. We're already running low and I don't know how long we'll be here."
He sighs angrily and looks up and the night sky.
"Of course nowthat I know our dear host can appear from the sky at any time it begs the question why he just can't give us more supplies."
Nothing happens. Peach and Lenny exchange a look. Indy glares up into the night. He cups his hands to his mouth.
"You hear me O'Brien!? Unless you want your cast to die in this desert, you'll get us some more water!"
Unsurprisingly. There's no response from the cosmos. Indy frowns.
"He's ignoring us."
"Maybe this is a sign that we're already close to help." Peach suggests.
"Right..." Indy grumbles. "I think it's more of sign that our crew's a bunch of assholes."
Something strikes him in the gut and there's a great deal of noise. He looks him and sees a bundle of jerry cans on his lap and a very angry Wookie growling indignantly over him. A figure in a red leather jacket steps between them.
"Easy, Chewie! Easy! He didn't mean it, did you Jones?"
Peach gasps.
"Peter!"
Peter Quill beams down at her.
"How've you been Toadstool?"
"I thought you were supposed to be kidnaped?" Indy says slightly accusatively.
"Uh… Yeah. I was. Think about being kidnaped Jones is sometimes people get out of it." Peter says. "Ask Toadstool sometime she's something of the expert. Now…" He pulls out some alien food packets and a six pack of beer. "…who's hungry?"
…
The food Peter's brought with him is a staple from his own dimension, a strange glowing gelatinous soup that turns out to be quite tasty.
"- Yao's fine by the way. Landed safely in the Springfield river. Of course Conner offers his full apologies for your bad landing." Peter explains. "We knew exactly what dune you were going to land on. Plan was to get me and Chewie to cover it in bunch of mattresses or packing peanuts or something fun like that. Then the problems was that, well… we've been busy this week."
"Being abducted by that other version of Mclean, right." Indy says.
"Actually I wasn't kidnaped by Cruise Chris, I was taken prisoner with his cast over on Vauhzass."
"Vauhzass?" Lenny repeats skeptically.
"It's City State out the multiverse way controlled by rival transdimensional militias or something. Doesn't matter if you've never heard of it. Point is we were taken into this ginormous arena and forced into gladiatorial combat with this hulking metal monstrosity."
"How frightful." Peach comments. Peter smirks at her.
"Probably would be to most people wouldn't it? Fortunately, I am a famous space outlaw so was a total cakewalk for me. Hell, I don't mean to brag but I basically saved the day single handed."
Indy raises an eyebrow but Peach seems convinced. She applauds him gently.
"I'm so happy to hear that Peter. Did you meet any new friends while you were kidnaped?"
"Yeah, I ran into a couple people you'd know, Armin and the Shadow the Hedgehog looking chick, whatever she's called. Couple Cruise contestants you haven't meet were there, Wendy, some bird looking guy, Beastman from He-Man, Wendy-"
"You already mentioned her." Indy says.
"There we're two Wendys" Peter explains. He's expressions lights up. "Oh! And I meet one of Chewie's friends!"
Chewie growls.
"-I mean associates! Whatever! Point is, it was great, I explained who I was and he basically geeked out."
Chewie growls again.
"What do you mean that doesn't sound like him?" Peter asks. "I was the one there."
"Well the soft landing would be been appreciated but I'm glad you had a nice time Quill." Indy says, with a tinge of bitterness that goes right over Peter's head. The intern smiles.
"Yup. It was pretty awesome." He smirks at Jones. "Maybe not, go find the Holy Grail and beat up Nazi's with your dad awesome but-"
"Stop doing that!"
The other three pause and look at Indy who's just risen to his feet.
"What?" Peter asks.
"That!" Indy says. "Stop knowing everything about my life."
"Doctor Jones Peter's an intern." Peach says. "It's his job to know things about us."
"Princess wake up!" Indy says. "Don't tell me you haven't been paying attention to how Quill talks about us, how Lenny talks, how those people in Springfield talk. That alternate cast as well! Everyone one keeps treating our lives like one of their tv shows!"
"Actually Indy you're a film character and Peach is from a video game." Peter says.
"My mistake." Grumbles Indy.
"Its not just the worlds that have been fictional, Jones." Lenny explains. "Just about everyone you've meet in this game is from a cartoon, or book, or anime, or video game of some sort."
Indy points at Peach.
"Then why do I hear people talk so much about me and her? Why does someone like Homer Simpson recognize us and not Amethyst?"
Peter chuckles. Peach and Indy both turn to look at him. He smiles back at them, almost in awe.
"I mean… everyone's from something, but you two? You two are some of the most famous characters out there."
Peach giggles.
"Well it's nice to be recognized."
"I'm serious Princess." Peter insists. "Growing up back on Terra in the 1980s, there was a kid in America that didn't know you or Jones's names. You're more famous than any celebrity alive to… easily millions of people."
"Actually, globalizations taken off tremendously since you've been gone Quill." Lenny says. "Today around the world, they'd be known by billions."
Peach goes silent. There's a lapse in the conversation. Then Indy sits back down and stares at Peter and Lenny.
"Okay, tell me then. If I'm really as famous a character as you say I am, what do people think of me? What's my life look like through your eyes?"
Peter and Lenny exchange a glance.
"You want to give him the basics Quill? Tell him what he looked like when he was conceived in the eighties and I'll offer up what the legacy of the franchise." Lenny says. Peter nods and shifts his weigh.
"Alright."
He turns to look at Indy.
"You. Are Indiana Jones, star of a wildly popular film franchise of the same name. Created by George Lucas, directed by Steven Spielberg, played by Harrison Ford. You had two movies while I on Terra, Raiders of the Lost Ark and Temple of Doom, another one that came out the year after I left that I've seen since joining this season, Last Crusade, which was awesome by the way. As well as a three or four made a couple decades later Jordan told me to avoid."
"So, fifty years after my time they'll be films of some of my expeditions?" Indy asks.
"Yeah! And they're awesome! You run around punching Nazi's, banging hot chicks, and stealing artifacts."
"I don't steal artifacts. I rescue them." Indy says angrily.
"…While destroying several priceless temples." Lenny notes.
"That does seem to happen a lot." Peter muses.
"Not my fault." Indy says. "Half those places are booby trapped the moment you step foot in them."
"Which begs the question why you'd as an archeologist would ever want to step foot in them and risk their destruction?" Lenny asks.
"Because it makes for a kick ass movie." Peter says
"And because if I don't someone else will!" Indy barks. "If I don't dig up those artifacts, they're in the hands of the Schutzstaffel! And another thing I'm not some wild womanizer you hear me? Willie… well apparently if they made a movie about my time in Pankot then you know her already. She was a one summer fling girl. Elsa Schneider, I feel I'm off the hook for. She was a Nazi. And Marion… it's complicated."
"You didn't really leave her at the altar, did you?" Lenny asks.
Peter and Peach gasp. Indy looks horrified.
"That was in one of the films!?" He gapes.
"It got a mention in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, first of the second trilogy." Lenny says.
"So…" Indy says, hesitant to ask a question the knows the answer to. "Everyone knows about that age gap between me and Marion?"
"Well people tend to gloss over that, as it was the eighties and a different time. But yes, all the information about your personal life is public knowledge. Right down to you taking your nickname from the family dog."
"And you said billions of people know this?" Indy repeats hollowly. Peter grins.
"Well… Yeah. Indy you're like the most famous archeologist in the history of Terra. Alive, dead, real or fake, you're number one. First thing people picture when the hear the term is you with that hat and bullwhip."
Indy takes his hat off and runs his fingers through his hair, overwhelmed. Peach gives him a sympathetic smile.
"I think it's very sweet that you're an ambassador of your profession Doctor Jones. They couldn't have picked someone better."
"Yes, they could. Indy's a properly buffoon when it comes to archeology." Lenny says matter of factly. "But that's not the point. The point is to make classic adventure movies, that are still fondly remembered, even if they are not particularity realistic."
"Toadstool you want to hear what the real world thinks of you?" Peter offers.
"NO! Don't tell her!" Indy orders.
"That's alright Doctor, I'm sure it won't be anything I don't already know."
Peter clears his throat and looks at her. She eagerly meets his gaze.
"You are Princess Toadstool." He begins. "Or apparently since the nineties Princess Peach."
"Though you've always been Pīchi-hime in your native Japan." Lenny notes.
Peach looks surprised. "Japan? Where Yae and Tomoko were from?"
"Oh yeah, all the big games come from there." Peter says. "And you're from one of the biggest of all time. Super Mario Bros, copyright Nintendo 1985 for the NES."
"Or for the Famicom in Japan." Lenny adds. "Actually, Super Mario Bros helped shift video gaming from the arcade to the home console, as well as helped revive the video market after the crash of 1983."
"It's a great game." Peter says. "Played it to death when I was a kid. I wanted the sequels Super Mario Bros 2 and 3 but I was abducted by Yondu and left Terra before they came out."
"Actually what we in the west would call Super Mario Bros 2 was actually a reskin of a Famicom exclusive game called Doki Doki Panic." Lenny says.
"Really?" Peter says impressed.
"Who was I created by in your world?" Peach asks.
"Shigeru Miyamoto." Lenny says.
"Shigeru Miyamoto." Repeats Peach. She feels out the name in her mind. It has a similar sound to it that Yae Saotome's name had as well. In honesty she hadn't though much of her former teammate these past few months. Now she finds out that they tell stories of her in her country, and Yae never thought to mention it. What a strange place the multiverse was. The thought brings her to the Infinite cast and another question comes to her.
"Did Mr Miyamoto also write… what were they calling it? Smash was it?"
"No that's Masahiro Sakurai." Lenny says dismissively. "That's Nintendo's companywide brawler, but if you don't have memories of being in it, then it's not important to the topic at hand."
"Alright." Peach concedes. "This Mario story the Japanese tell of me and my dear friends, how does it go?"
"Well Koopa invades, you're kidnaped and it's up to whoever's playing to control Mario, rescue you and save the day." Peter says.
Peach nods. "And then what happens?"
"Uh… nothing." Peter says. Peach frowns.
"Nothing?"
"You have to understand, games were very simple in the 1980s" Lenny explains. "You and Mario and all your friends have been in a lot more games since then."
Peach's expression brightens. "Oh all right. Our stories grow has the years go by. Is that right?"
Lenny smiles. "Um… No. Not at all, far as the main series concerned, they like to stick to the tried-and-true formula. Bowser kidnaps you and it's up to Mario to save the day."
Peach looks crestfallen. "Oh…"
Lenny suddenly chuckles.
"You know Princess, since I've got the opportunity to ask, are all the Mario games a retelling of the same story, or do you them remembered them each as their own distance thing that happened to you. Because… well if that's the case you must have been kidnaped at least… 30... 40 times."
Peach blushes and looks away.
"Twelve." She mutters.
"Twelve!" Lenny cries.
"Twelve!" Peter yelps
"Christ!" Indy says hoarsely.
Chewie roars. As both Indy and Peter curse.
"You got to invest in a better army!" Peter exclaims.
Peach's face only grows redder.
"…Besides the kidnapping. What else am I known for?"
"What else is there to know?" Peter asks. "You're the reward for beating the game. That's it."
"Th-THAT'S IT!?" Peach cries.
"To be fair Mario is the first game most of us get our hands on." Lenny explains. "The really young kiddies aren't ready for complex plots and morality. The best thing for them is a simple jaunt to go save the princess. And even then, it's more about the journey then the destination.
"This whole time that's all I've been to you?" Peach asks, in disbelief. "An object for children to pretend to save?"
"Hey you're better than an object!" Peter insists.
"How?" Peach demands. Peter smirks.
"You're super-hot."
"What?"
"Yeah." Peter gives her a sleezy grin. "I mean the game manual made you out to be pretty sexy, not gonna lie, but I mean seeing person? They're definitely underselling…"
He trails off, the other three men (Chewie included) are desperately signaling for him to shut up.
"To be fair to Quill, for someone dressed as conservatively as you are Princess there is a staggeringly disproportionate amount of pornography drawn of you online." Lenny notes.
Peach gives him a harassed look.
"What's… No! Never mind! I don't think I want to know."
"I told you to quit while you were a head." Indy says.
Peach sighs and stares up at the night, penitently.
"I suppose I could have a worse fate in your world than entertaining the children." She relents. "But there's people among your world that know there's more to me than that? Isn't there? Please?"
Lenny smiles sympathetically. "I'm not saying you haven't had a good showing Princess. You're a mainstay playable character in every spin off, and you've had an excellent run in the Paper Mario games. But unfortunately, not everyone's a dedicated gamer. Most causal players or stick to the main series, and because of that the general public's perception tends to focus on-"
"-On the kidnapping. Of course." Peach says dejectedly. She hugs her shoulders uncomfortably. Lenny simply shrugs.
"I know it's not fair, but you're an easy target."
"Like in Hogwarts..." Peach sighs.
"There's garbage think pieces about every fictional character." Lenny assures her. "The Disney Princesses get a lot of slack for not being feminist enough as well." He chuckles. "Or too feminist depending on my circles where taking about."
Peter chuckles. "Funny you people talk about Disney so much. Back in the mid-eighties some people thought they were dying off."
"Oh no, they had a renaissance in the nineties then started buying up companies like ABC and Lucasfilm."
Peter scoffs "You're telling me Disney owns Star Wars and Indiana Jones?"
"What was that!?" Indy says.
"Doesn't seem like they fit with the brand." Peter quips.
"Actually they market them a lot along side you and your friends." Lenny explains.
"What? Guys like me are what Disney markets too in the 21st century?" Peter asks. Lenny chuckles.
"Not what I was implying."
Peter's eyes go wide. Peach and Indy turn slowly to look at him. Savage vindication in Indy's eyes.
"I'm... a film character too?" Peter asks quietly.
"These days I'd say you're nearly as well known as my two fellow contestants."
"Welcome to the club." Indy says smirking. "How does it feel to know the whole world knows all your secrets.
"AWESOME!" Peter cries.
"Awesome?" Peach and Indy repeat confused.
Peter puts his hands to his head, beaming like a kid on Christmas.
"No way… No way! I'm a famous movie character!? Holy shit! Who'd they got playing me?"
"Chris Pratt." Lenny says.
"Is he cool? What else was he in!?"
"He was in Jurassic World riding a motorcycle with velociraptor."
Peter laughs ecstatically.
"Dude! What else!?"
"Couple sitcoms, couple voice acting roles. He did the voice of Mario in the animated movie a few decades back."
"WHAT!?" Peter and Peach yelp.
"Peter doesn't sound like Mario!" Peach cries.
"Well, it was an Illumination movie, they were a fan of stunt casting over there." Lenny explains.
Peach hugs her knees to her chest.
"I must be dreaming…"
"I know right?" Peter says smiling check to check. "I think I'm having my new best day of my life! Also, if I'm the voice of your love interest I'm a kind of justified about the you being hot comments I said earlier right?"
Chewie smacks him on the back of the head and growls loudly.
"Alright! ALRIGHT! Chewie thinks it's time for us to go.
He rises to his feet.
"So uh… yeah. You guys were lucky enough to pick the right direction to walk. Next destinations is couple hours out. Me and Chewie are both pretty psyched about this one. We think you're all gonna like it, especially you Jones. By the way you guys are free to finish that six pack. My treat."
Indy and Peach glance at the untouched cans of beer in they've had next to them the whole conversation. Peach picks up hers and gives it a sorely tempted look before throwing away. Indy downs his in single gulp and reaches for a second. Peter laughs to himself.
"God seriously, I don't get you two. You're my and lot of other people's heroes, whole civilizations idolizes you. I'm dead serious… finding out some dimension looks up to me the same way…" He smiles. "Man… I'm used to being coolest dude in the galaxy, but this is one another level. It is one of the single greatest things that could happen."
"Easy for you too say, the whole world doesn't know you for your mistakes." Indy says bitterly. Peter considers it.
"That's fair. I've haven't really made any crazy mistakes… Right Lenny?"
"Quill what year is it for you?"
"2014."
"Then you're fine."
Peter grins. "Awesome." He turns back to the other two. "Anyway, point is, who cares if you're movies dumb,people like you Indy, you're the hero. And Peach, I'll be real with you, you're not the hero, alright? And that's never going to be your role because we've got Mario for that. But your still important to the story, and people still like you. They wouldn't want to rescue you If they didn't."
He pulls up his sleeve, exposing one of the wrist-based transporters they had once used to raid their parallel seasons.
"Good luck you guys. I'll catch you when this is all over."
He and Chewie press their green buttons and disappear. There's about a minute of silence after they leave, the only sound to be heard is the dying campfire.
"In fairness. You were the ones to ask." Lenny points out.
Indy gives him a deeply spiteful look before storing the extra water in his hammerspace.
"It doesn't matter…" He says, though it's not hard to see he's lying.
He storms up the sand dune to where the others are sleeping.
"GET UP!"
The other four wake with a start. Markus groans.
"**** you don't have to yell."
"Grab your things! We're moving out!" Indy barks at him.
"About time!" Amethyst grumbles. She grabs Bentley and storms off after Indy, Markus and Lenny follow suit. Peach knees down to help Beatrice dissemble the tent she was sleeping under.
"How are you feeling?" Peach asks. "Better?"
Beatrice nods.
"Much better. What's Indy so worked up about?"
Peach sighs.
"Nothing Beatrice."
…
It's clear very soon into their journey that walking at night was the right idea to have. Far from the burning hell of mid-day, The baking heat of the desert has been leeched away by the darkness to the point where there's actually a chill in the air, though it's more than welcome after the previous day. An even better surprise comes soon after when the dust clouds in the air disperse and the three silver moons come out, casting their enough pale light over the endless dunes for them to put away their torches.
Beatrice walks along side Markus. Up until about a day ago something she wouldn't have been comfortable doing. But now with her apology to Peach finally out of the way, Markus's lighten up considerably around her.
"You doing alright?" He asks.
"I'm good. Cooled down a little. What about you?"
Markus smiles. "Yeah I'm good. At first, I wasn't feeling this place, but now it's aight. All quiet and serene and ****. It's tight. Reminds me of being back at that Rodney *****'s house."
"Right, right I remember that one."
"Yeah… Good times. That's where I got this outfit." Markus says pulling at his pink suit jacket and blond wig. "Beatrice you get up to anything fun in the house?"
"I got stuck with Tomoko after your group bullied her and stole her key."
"That was Janna's plan."
Beatrice nods. "I can see that. Hey… Markus? Do you what's gotten into Indy and Peach? They seem off."
"Not a clue."
"There just a little put off because Peter and I told them how they're seen in pop culture." Lenny says strolling up from behind them.
"What?" Markus yelps. "****** WHAT? When was Peter back!?"
Indy and Peach (Waking a little ways ahead of trio) glance back at them, Markus waves then lowers his voice and turns back to Lenny.
"Lenny, tell me you didn't bring up the kidnapping thing around Peachy?"
"She wanted to know." Lenny insists. Markus groans and pitches his nose.
"**** I've been trying to be nice and not bring it up. Like you ****** know their more to Peachy than that."
"Wait what's problem here?" Beatrice asks. "Promise I won't judge
"Peachy gets kidnaped back at her home a lot." Markus informs her. "It's kinda of what everyone knows her for."
"Well that's dumb." Beatrice says "So she's had too be rescued once or twice, okay big whoop. It's happened to me too."
"She's been kidnaped twelve times." Lenny says.
Beatrice blinks twice.
"Okay… that's a lot."
"Personally, I thought it'd be higher." Lenny says.
"Yeah… me too." Markus admits. He back at his friend.
"I'll talk to her."
…
The dunes are starting to get shallower, instead of great mount and deep valleys several stories tall, now they're maybe ten meters at their highest. Peach drags her feet across the crest of one. Miserable.
She wants so badly in her heart to take her own advice. Hitch up her skirts, keep her chin up and focus on helping Jones. He was already seeming so overwhelmed before all of this, and he already had Amethyst to worry about. The least she could for everyone was too not let this bother her. After all she had dealt with this feeling before hadn't she?
But this was a deeper wound, one cut through the heart. All through this game people had dismissed her, made her feel useless, something she feel she could right off. But no. Somewhere in the endless cosmos there were whole civilizations that did know her. Knew more about her than she did. And even with the knowledge of everything she had done they saw her for nothing but a caricature of all her failures. Old quotes flash in her mind, coloured by new context.
"I've seen some pretty ****** nice pictures of her on the fansites."
"…you danced around, barely spoke English and where completely obliviously to everyone around you."
"The really young kiddies aren't ready for complex plots and morality. The best thing for them is a simple jaunt to go save the princess."
"…I tend to gravitate towards more active woman role models for my still developing mind…"
"I thought it was some dumb costume, turns out she's an actual person that wears that everyday! Completely oblivious to the fact we've been mocking her relentlessly!"
She stops and takes a deep breath, trying to collect herself.
"They're wrong." She tells herself firmly.
It wasn't fair. They didn't really know her, right? Their had to be something to her that wasn't known. Something about her she could keep to herself, take sanctuary from there judgement.
Another voice floats through her head.
"My dear I can't promise the journey ahead will always be pleasant. There will be times where things will seem hopeless. But when life throws its hurdles at us yes, we can let the despair overtake us, but we also grow from it. That is what makes humans so beautiful, their potential for growth. Only through it can they discover they're true selves."
She turns to her left. Something's caught her eye. In the valley between the sand dunes there's a pool of water, the first she's seen in this desert, placidly reflecting the field of stars above.
She approaches, drawn to its strangeness. As she walks to the bank and stares down at it the girl with the strawberry blond hair stares back up at her.
"Not you again." Peach whispers in dismay.
She blinks, waiting for the girl to disappear and be replaced with her own reflection. The girl instead blinks back and watches her expectantly.
Peach frowns. She raises her right hand. The girl raises hers. Peach taps her nose, her mysterious doppelganger does the same. Peach reaches up and pulls the golden crown from the top of her head. Her doppelganger pantomimes the same action, as she has no crown of her own. Peach inspects her reflection. She had always noticed the girl's hair, its reddish hue had caught her eye the first time she'd seen her. This time however there was more opportunity to take in more.
The girl seems to be a teenager, and unlike Peach doesn't appear to be royalty. Rather she's dressed quite modestly in what Markus called 'modern clothing'. Blue jeans, worn sneakers, and a red flannel shirt. Her only jewelry's a pair of earrings, tiny studs, not the blue orbs Peach wears. She wears little or no makeup on her heart shaped face, nothing to hide the strange blemishes on her left check. Then of course theirs her eyes, brown instead of Peach's blue, and staring as intensely at the Princess as the she was her.
The princess takes a breath, the strangers eye's making her skin writhe.
"I can see you!" She blurts out. "I know you're there. Is that what you're waiting to hear?"
The girl doesn't response. Peach sighs in frustrations.
"Why can't you go away? I have enough people judging me without worrying about strangers in my reflection."
She makes to turn away.
"I am you."
Peach turns back to the girl, jaw hanging open.
"What?"
"We're the same." The girl breathes, her voice it's nowhere near as high as Peach's. "Look closer."
Peach leans over the pool. The girl stands there, a figure approaches her from behind. As he comes into focus, she recognizes their blue jacket, the kind eyes, the peacock hat.
Emperor Norton slowly walks towards her doppelganger, the girl glances back and gives him a world-weary smile then turns back to stare at Peach. Norton reaches over to touch the girl's shoulder.
"Peachy?"
Someone grabs Peach's real shoulder. She whirls around.
Markus's standing behind her, looking deeply confused.
"What are you staring at?"
"I was…"
Peach looks back. There's no Norton, no girl, no pool.
"…Just lost in my own thoughts Markus."
"Ah." Markus smiles understandingly. "All good. Come on, those other ****** gonna leave us behind."
She puts her crown back on solemnly and follows him up the dune. The others are indeed a far way ahead of them.
Markus throws an arm around her.
"Peachy I hear you ain't feelin' well again."
"I'm fine Markus."
"No, don't give me none of that 'I'm fine Markus' shit. I heard that you and Indy heard some stuff you probably shouldn't've."
Peach wraps herself in her red cloak tightly.
"Markus, is it true I'm better known than you are in your world?"
"Uh… Yeah. Like by a lot actually. And I'm pretty successful."
"Do people talk about me in your world?"
Markus considers it.
"Nah, you ain't got much of a presence. They just kinda know the Mario games and that you're like the princess in them that gets kidnapped."
Peach feels her stomach turn.
"Is that what… you thought of me Markus."
Markus grimaces.
"Peachy don't do that to me aight? I mean like… I've played Mario Kart, you ain't kidnapped in that. But like… fuck, I don't know? You're just like the pretty white bitch for the girls to play. It not that complicated."
She pulls away from him, and he hears her stifle a gasp. Markus looks over to her, alarmed to find her eye's swimming with tears.
"Peachy you were a character in a video game! I didn't know you then!" He insists. "I didn't like know we'd go through this crazy adventure together. Aight? Who cares what I used to think, I know the real you now. You're my best friend in this fucking game. Yeah so what if a bunch of ****** you don't know think you're stupid or useless or whatever. You gonna own that shit!"
"How!?" Peach cries.
"Fuck, I don't know. You'll figure it out. What else are you supposed to do? Sit in here and try and hide from the world?"
Peach crouches down and tucks herself into a little ball, throwing up her hood, hugging her knees and burying her face in them.
Markus shakes his head and crouches down next to her.
"Peachy…"
No response.
"Peachy… we're losing the others again."
"I don't care." Comes her muffled reply from somewhere within her protective ball of red fabric. Markus flashes her his boyish grin.
"Peach we're gonna have to move aight? Don't make me carry you. Cause I'll do it. It'll be fucked up, white girl making her black friend carry her places, but I don't care. Cause it don't matter what others think."
"No thank you Markus."
"I'll buy you like a whole ass wedding cake, first chance I get."
Peach wordlessly sticks her arms out like a child. Markus cracks up.
"Tight. Aight, arm around my neck."
He scoops her up in a bridal carry. Peach cries out in alarm.
"Markus I've changed my mind!"
"Nope too late for that. Now hang on tight we got to run fast to catch up with these *****."
"Oh no, please don't Markus!"
He takes off in an awkward jog, wobbling considerable with the princess in his arms and finding no traction in the desert sand.
Despite that, Markus does manage to clear the entire dune. It's the next one where he falls forwards, and the two of them go tumbling down the windward side. Rolling down to a gentle stop at the base.
Markus stays still, fearing what Peach's response will be. Then he hears her snickering. The sound of her makes him to it to until they're both laying there laughing.
After a minute or so Peach recollects herself and looks over to see Markus beaming at her.
"See?" He says. "Better right?"
She smiles faintly
"It is, but."
"No buts. Don't think about the game, or the world or whatever's keeping you down. Focus on how blessed we are to be here right now. I mean look at this."
He gestures to the sky above them. Without any artificial light pollution, the sky's awash with all the staggering brilliances of a spiral galaxy. Rich streams of starlight and alien constellations shine down on them.
"I don't even know where we are but It's beautiful." Markus says. "Think of all the sights like this we've seen together. Hogwarts at Christmas, God damn Narnia, Atlantis! Don't worry about what other people think of you, just be here in the moment."
Peach frowns and looks away.
"That's easy for you to say Markus."
Markus sighs.
"I get how you feel Peachy."
"No you don't."
"Yes. I do." Markus says. "You think my world only treats fictional characters this way? Nah."
He crouches down and pats her on the head.
"Peachy whether you wanted to be or not you're in the public sphere. And part of that means taking shit from people hatin' on you. Doesn't matter who you are, or are or how nice you are. People will take the first bad thing they hear on you and they'll judge you for it. And it's not fair. I know it's not fucking fair, but you know what? It doesn't matter, those people don't know you. So fuck 'em. Your value comes from what your friends think of you, on what you think of you. That's what matters in this life."
Peach nods quietly. Markus nudges her chins back towards him and grins.
"Peachy… Have I ever shown you how to make music?"
Peach shakes her head.
Markus takes a step back.
"So we start with a rhythm, like some chord for a melody. Peachy can I get you to pay this."
He pulls out an empty canteen from his hammerspace and plays a simple melody. A rising note, a falling one, he repeats it twice, osculating in tone and playing the last note an addition time.
Peach watches him amused. "Let me see."
She takes the canteen and repeats the melody. Markus gives him a thumbs up
"Excellent. Keep that up, then we add some flair to it. Actually, hold up."
He pulls out another empty canteen and fills it with soft desert sand. He hands that to her.
"Change of plans, I gotta keep the melody for this one cause I know the song. You do the maracas, just shake it like this."
He gets her to shake the new canteen, the sand bouncing around in it adding to the rhythm. Markus takes the old canteen and continues the original melody, building on it slowly. He moves his hips, dancing along to it. Peach laughs.
"Markus what are you doing?"
He beams at her.
"Peachy I hope you appreciate this cause I ain't that great a singer and I don't normally do covers. But listen aight…"
"Everybody's got a thing
But some don't know how to handle it
Always reachin' out in vain
Accepting the things not worth having but
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama
Cause I'll be standing on the side
When you check it out"
He leads her up to the crest of the dune. And slumps his shoulders.
"They say your style of life's a drag"
He straightens up and casts a hand out to the stars, sweeping it across the sky.
"And that you must go other places
He waves a finger.
But just don't you feel too bad
When you get fooled by smiling faces"
He beams at her.
"But don't you worry 'bout a thing
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama
Cause I'll be standing on the side"
"When you check it out...
Yeah when you get it off...your trip"
He dances for her. Sliding and prancing cross the loose sand.
"Don't you worry 'bout a thing...Yeah"
Peach watches along charmed, Markus flashes her his boyish grin and takes her by the hand. Pulling her into a tango
"Don't you worry 'bout a thing...woo!
"Markus!" Peach squeaks. "What are you doing?"
Markus laughs. "Just go with it."
He leads her through the dance.
Ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma"
They spin apart. Peach dancing on her own now. Markus faces her.
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama
Cause I'll be standing on the side
When you check it out...
He takes her hand and they slide down the dune.
When you get it off..."
He pulls her back up to the crest of next one.
"…your trip
Hey yeah!"
Markus moves away from her again and they dance around one another.
"Everybody needs a change
A chance to check out the new
But you're the only one to see
The changes you take yourself through
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
They lock hands again and he twirls her away,
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, pretty mama
…before pulling her back.
Cause I'll be standing in the wings
When you check it out
Don't you worry 'bout a thing (todo 'stá bien chévere)"
He lets her dance on here own again, now that she's lost some inhibition Peach seems quite good at it.
Don't you worry 'bout a thing (todo 'stá bien chévere)
Don't you worry 'bout a thing (todo 'stá bien chévere)
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
Yeah
Ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma
Some ways ahead of them the others are quietly continuing their march through the desert.
"Again, I truly intent you or the Princess any malice." Lenny insists to Indy.
The archeologist merely grumbles. Lenny turns to Beatrice. "How's Markus done with Peach?"
Beatrice looks over her shoulder. In the distance she can see Markus and Peach dancing together under the silhouetted against the light of a thousand stars.
Don't worry 'bout a thing
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, sugar
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama
Beatrice smiles. "I think he's cheered her up."
You worry 'bout a thing, hey yeah
Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, sugar
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
…
Sand dunes turn to sand drifts.
Sand drifts turn to flat sand.
Sand turns to gravel.
Gravel turns to rock.
By the time the twin suns of this mysterious world are rising again, the seven contestants have finally made it out of the desert, and have entered into a dry basin between surrounded by sun baked hills.
"If we don't find what we're looking for soon we'll have to find a cave to shelter in for the rest of the day." Indy tells the group.
"I'm sure it's around here Doctor Jones. Peter did say it'd be close." Peach assures him. She seems by and large back to her usual self. Indy however still seems put out. He grumbles to himself.
"Peter said I lot of things…"
A noise catches them off guard. Somewhere above them there's a shrieking noise, like the airplanes that used to fly over them sometimes in Springfield, but faster and higher pitched. Then the see the culprit. A flying metal craft goes soaring over them, seemingly headed somewhere around the next bend. Markus stares up at wide eyed.
"Yo that was a starship!" He says.
"I'm fairly certain Conner's had a pair of lips on it." Bentley says.
"Not what I meant." Markus insists. He turns to Lenny. "Markus you, starting to think…"
"Let's find out, shall we? Lenny says.
The walk up to the bend and find themselves overlooking a wide valley below them. In the centre is a large settlement of sand-coloured buildings with domed roofs and metal broadcast towers. Small spacecraft whizzing around it like flies.
Markus's eyes bulge with excitement.
"Yo! YO! I should have ******* known that's where we at! ****!"
Lenny beams and covers his face. "Oh dear… This really isn't going to be your day Jonesy."
"Now what?" Indy says distressed. "This better not be anywhere famous."
Lenny sighs humorously.
"You say it Markus. I don't have the heart to tell him"
Markus smirks. "Professor Jones, Peachy, Ev'rybody else, that there is Mos Eisley. An OG local from god damn Star Wars."
Indy veins turn to ice.
"The same one Lucasfilm made?"
Lenny puts an arm on his shoulder.
"Welcome to your sister franchise Jones."
Indy begins swearing violently.
…
A great trapezoidal land craft slowly lumbers up across the dunes. It's tracks stopping just short of the twisted wreckage of the Springfield monorail.
A hatch opens and out of the interior darkness comes scurrying out little brown cloaked figures, there faces shrouded in darkness but for their glowing yellow eyes.
They scurry around the wreck excitedly. Never before seeing a craft of it's making. One picks up a painting from the bar car, inspecting it in fascination.
Suddenly one little out a sharp cry and the others gather around it. They chitter excitedly in their strange tongue. Pointing at what their Clan-Chief is standing next too, the limp hand of Sideshow Bob.
Some of the creatures in the back of the crowd jostle each other trying to see. The Clan-Chief gestures for them to be patient, then make it hold up the arm for the others to see.
The moment he touches it, it wraps its fingers around his throat.
The others scatter in fear as Sideshow Bob drags himself out of the wreckages.
"Where…" He seethes to the captured Clan-Chief, his features full of fury.
"Where are they?"