Total Drama Endless, Episode Twenty-Five. The Grant Finale
...
Of all the many mansions of all the many celebrity homes nestled amongst the slopes of the Hollywood Hills, few struck as an imposing figure as Chris McLean's.
The old television personality had many houses. His primary residence was a penthouse in Toronto, there was a cabin in Newfoundland and Muskoka, as well as a private villa in the Aegean Sea, but none of them quite compared to his estate in Bel Air. He was a snowbird. Like many wealthy and influential Canadians, he migrated to the Sun Belt during the cold winter months. Here in this capital of glitz and glamour there were higher standards to uphold. Los Angeles was after all home to the most recognizable names in Anglo-American entertainment, and taking into account the anglosphere's cultural hegemony, the world. Like Birds of Paradise competing to mate the many singers, actors and 21st century aristocrats competed to flaunt themselves, their wealth, and the livelihoods in a bid to be the envy of all who looked upon them.
And who knew competitions better than the founder of Total Drama?
Chris's private palace stood atop an outcropping of the mountain, able to see and be seen by all. His mansion's a contemporary-neoclassical masterwork. A citadel of dark slate and white marble at the nexus of a 200,000 square feet plot of land.
Just outside the gate, throngs of people have gathered excitedly, some of them part of the same crowd that had choked the streets of Hollywood earlier the same morning. Others new arrivals.
A great drone of an engine rises above the cacophony of thousands of voices. A starship has positioned itself over the mansion, an odd-looking craft, it's sleek body painted cobalt with orange highlights, and its cockpit in the shape of two cherry red wax lips.
A beam of light shines down from it onto the crowd. When it dissipates two men have appeared. One of them Conner O'Gleeson is the owner of the aforementioned starship. A former talk show host that for the past few months has taken on Chris's role as host of the recent season of Total Drama. The other man, being said seasons most recently eliminated contestant, one Indiana Jones.
Their sudden appearance draws a chorus of cheers from the crowd. Conner bows dramatically, Indy waves half heartedly.
"So this is the finale?" He asks, raising his voice over the noise of the crowd. "I see we've come full circle."
"I find it helps tie things together." Conner says. "I'll be back in bit. I've got a couple other people to check in with. The challenge should start soon, just go ahead and fraternize a bit while you wait. You might find a few people you know around here."
"Understood." Indy says. He turns to Conner frowning. "The final challenge isn't going to be too dangerous for the girls, is it?"
Conner stares at him for a moment then grins knowingly and disappears.
Indy sighs.
"Conner…"
"Hey! HEY PROFESSOR! Welcome back!" Cries a familiar voice. Indy spins around looking into the crowd.
"Over here! Look where I'm waving!"
He spots the source of the call. A man waving frantically to him. One dressed head to toe in red and black spandex.
He laughs to himself.
"…. No kidding."
He walks over and shakes the man's hand.
"Nice to see you again Wilson."
From beneath his mask, he can tell Deadpool's beaming at him.
"Always a pleasure Jonesy. See I told you they'd recognize me Donuts."
Deadpool looks over his shoulder at a man crouched down next to him. Even then he's tall enough that he looks like he be twice the height of a normal person if he stood up. The stranger's clad in spikes and black leather, his mouth overly wide and filled with fangs, though at the moment he has on a friendly smile.
They're a few more figures surrounding Deadpool that stand out from the crowd. A blonde girl with parchment white skin in a red suit, A girl with long blue pigtails and a summer dress, a little nervous boy with a blonde bowl cut Indy could swear looked vaguely familiar and a girl with pink skin and magenta pigtails who seem to be another gem.
"How's your season going? I take it these are more of your fellow contestants?" Indy says.
"Used to be." Deadpool says cheerfully. "Infinite 2's still going strong, thanks for asking. But we're all out of the running."
"Sorry to hear that."
"Don't be! Now we get to come and watch your finale! By the way this is Katakuri, Charlie, Wendy, Armin and Spinel."
"It's great to meet ya!" Spinel says, shaking Indy's hand ecstatically. "I got sent home right before you and your friends stopped by the first time, so I'm real glad to be here now. Especially to meet the fabled Indiana Jones."
Indy sighs. "Thanks apparently I'm famous. I'm still getting used to that."
Spinel scratches her head with a long noddle like arm. "Are you? I know Deadpool likes to talk about you a lot."
"Does he?"
Indy gives Deadpool a look. Deadpool winks playfully.
"He introduced our cast to your season." Charlie, the pale skinned blonde woman says cheerfully. "Me and Katakuri have been keeping up with it between taping our Aftermath show."
"I deeply respect the lengths you took to keep everyone safe." Katakuri says. "You're a good man Doctor Jones. Sorry you didn't make it to the finale."
"It's fine." Indy says dismissably. "I'm happy for the girls." He looks around. "Speaking off, any of my old team here."
"Hello you!"
Indy laughs and turns around. Lenny embraces him. The other former Fact Hunters close by.
"Glad to see you made it back safe Lenny."
"Same to you Jones. How was Valhalla?"
"Valhalla has great. Almost glad I lost so I could have more time there. I've got enough notes to rewrite half of what academia knows on pre-Christian Scandinavia."
"Good for you." Wednesday says dryly.
"You bunch I haven't seen in a while." Indy says taking in his own team. "Doof I see the business venture's going well. Good for you."
"Thank you!" Doof says chipperly. "And I see you've gone and befriending the Total Drama Cruise crew again."
"Actually, Doc this is the Infinite cast, same ones from Hogwarts."
"Actually, Armin here is from Cruise." Wendy says looking over to the blonde boy. Armin swallows timidly.
"I was the only one of our cast who could make it. But the others send their best wishes." He says. "Or at least, Eddy, Ryuko, and Brenden do. Aqua said to ask you if you could send her more booze."
"What's your group busy with?" Indy asks. "Don't tell me you're still competing. You were down to your final six mouths ago."
Armin shakes his head. "No sir. But the sequel just started and they all got contractually obligated into signing up. I'm the lucky one, I think Chris figured I wasn't interesting enough for another season."
"Coward." Wednesday quips.
"Hang on a minute." Indy says. "Your group was forced into another season of this show?"
Armin nods. Indy laughs, then stops quite suddenly when he sees the look on Armin's face.
"That can happen!?" Indy yelps mortified.
"I think your contestant contracts are a bit fairer." Charlie assures him.
"Yeah… Ours were drafted by Chris. You know what he's like." Spinel says with a smile and a good-natured eye roll.
"Then, thank god our cast didn't have to put up with him." Indy says.
The others all look at one another.
"What?" Indy asks
…
Chris McLean strides through the halls of his home with a great sense of gravitas. Pop Rock from the 1980's blaring through a sound speaker from somewhere deep in the house. The final two contestants of Endless, Princess Peach and Beatrice shadowing a few metres behind.
"Like the décor?" Chris calls back to them. "Just remodeled like… couple months back or something."
The girl's give a large marble bust of Chris a fleeting glance.
"It's very nice." Peach supposes. "I see you're very fond of-"
"Shut up a minute! I love this part!" Chris interrupts, seemingly tuning the both of them out. He starts singling along to his music.
"Ow, oh, hey, you
Who said that?
Baby, how you been?
You say you don't know-oh-whoa
You won't know…
… until you begin"
Peach and Beatrice exchange an uncertain look.
They had plenty reason to worry, whatever sort of trials or tribulations Conner had wrought on them, he had always justified it by insisting it would have been worse under Chris. Over an over again before the merge he had brow beaten it into their heads. Chris was worse. Chris was meaner. Chris was crueler.
Now here they we're under Chris's mercy.
"I don't like this." Beatrice whispers to Peach.
"Let's not judge things to quickly Beatrice."
"I'm serious Peach, something's wrong."
Their new host has grabbed a modern art piece from it's pedestal and is playing air guitar on it.
So can't ya see me standing here
I got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen
Ah, can't you see what I me-ean?
"Mr Mclean?" Peach asks timidly.
"Ah, might as well jump (jump)
Go ahead and…"
"Mr Mclean?"
"Jump!"
"Christopher!?"
"Might as well jump (jump)
Go ahead and jump
Jump!"
The song lapses into a guitar rift. Chris closes his eyes and tears into his imaginary axe. Beatrice grumbles immodestly.
"That's it."
She rips the art piece from Chris's hand and smashes it onto the ground.
"HEY!" Chris shouts indignantly. "THAT WAS EXPENSIVE!"
"Stop wasting our time!" Beatrice shouts back. Chris eyes her suspiciously.
"Well someone's awfully touchy aren't we? What are you ladies so worked up about?"
"Nothing!" Peach says quickly.
"You!" Beatrice admits bluntly. Chris's upper lip curls into a smirk.
"Figured as much. You probably got some questions huh?"
"Yeah. Actually. What's going on? I thought you retired because you got old? But you don't look old at all!" Beatrice says.
It's true, Chris looks just as young a healthy as the statues they used to collect in his likeness.
"Something tells me you two don't know much about Hollywood? …Or this seasons home timeline?" He asks. Both shake their heads. "Thought so." He says satisfied. "If you did, you'd know this town is like the Mecca of anti-aging. I might not have been born yesterday, but with a couple telomerase treatments I can look like I was." He chuckles.
Beatrice hasn't stopped frowning.
"So why'd you retire then?"
Chris holds up a finger pointedly.
"The circumstances surrounding my retirement are long and deeply nuanced… But we don't have time for that. Pretty soon here, one of you lovely ladies we'll be crowned the newest winner of Total Drama. Catch is, you two aren't out of the woods yet. For the first time ever, I put all my sadistic energy into but one solidary challenge this season. So, you better believe it's about to be more entertaining than anything Conner put you through."
"Well that's nice I suppose." Peach says uncertainly.
"Be nice if you hurried up and got on with it already." Beatrice complains. Chris laughs.
"Right this way ladies."
He leads them down a hall. In retrospect it's hard to believe they hadn't realized who's house they were in sooner, Chris seems to have an immense fondness for portraits of himself, as well as statues and bust like the one's they used to search for. Everything in his house not plastered with his face seems to be covered by gold leaf, marble, velvet, Italian leather, or some combination of all the of above.
They reach an ornate door. The burly limo driver stands impatiently besides it.
"Everything's ready." He grunts.
Chris flashes the man two thumbs up. "Awesome."
He turns to the girls.
"I believe you're both are already acquainted with Chef. He's an old assistant of mine."
"Is he your personal Chef?" Peach asks curiously.
"I was the original Chef back on Wawanakwa, season one." Chef growls with a bitter sense of pride. He jerks his head towards Chris. "Speaking off…When we going live?"
Chris checks his watch. "Right about…. NOW!"
…
Outside the crowd rumbles with excitement. Two large screens placed at the mansions gate flicker on. The crowd of staff, former contestants, visiting contestants, and general onlookers gaze their heads upwards as Chris Mclean looms over them larger than life.
"Yo! What's up everyone! Chris McLean here, coming at you live from my own personal mega mansion! Just up the coast from Los Angeles, California. And we're about to cap off season fifty of the single hottest reality show to every grace television right now!
I've got here two lovely ladies from the far and strange corners of fiction, both fresh off a journey that took them all across the multiverse. They've beat, pummeled and scratched their way to the top of roster of 27 contenders and both think they've proven themselves worthy at a shot at the ten million. However, their can only be one.
Will it be the damsel out of distress Princess Peach Toadstool?"
The Flower Girls and the group from the Mushroom Kingdom cheer loudly.
"…Or the always looking to redeem herself Beatrice?"
Greg cheers and whistles wildly. His brother and some of the Fact Hunter's applaud respectfully.
"GO BEATRICE!" Amethyst hollers. Several heads turn in surprise.
"Heh. I mean you know. Gotta support my fellow Slytherin right?" The gem says sheepishly. She coughs "Also I might have been a jerk to her earlier and this is my way of making up for it."
…
"Ladies!" Chris says leaning over to the two. "What makes you think you deserve the prize money?"
"Well…" Peach says thoughtfully. "I supposed it'd make my Toads very happy if I came home with the money. While I love my Kingdom our economy can be fragile with the invasions and the coins laying everywhere. Also…." She smiles modestly. "It might be nice to return home as the hero for once. Not to speak ill of Mario. We owe him so much."
"He's watching right now. Any words for him?"
Peach blushes slightly and shakes her head. Chris moves to Beatrice.
"How about you Beatrice? Ten-Million would be a lot of money for someone your age. Any plans for it?"
"Um…Huh" Beatrice scratches her neck. "I guess it'd be nice to take home to my family. We had to get used living as bluebirds there for a while so they're used to roughing it. But I mean they'd like being millionaires and buying a big estate right? Most people are about that kind of life." She stares awkwardly at the wall opposite of her.
"Is that crowd really watching us right now?"
"And the viewers at home." Chris informs her.
"It's weird pretending like there's a camera here when we're just talking to the air."
"It's Conner's weird TV powers. Kind of thought you'd be used to that by now dude."
"I supposed we're not used to talking to it like this." Peach says.
"Especially with that starring at us." Beatrice says disapprovingly.
Dead in front of them at the wall they've been looking at is a large nude study of Chris as an angelic figure. His masculinity barely hidden by an artfully placed satin cloth.
"I can think of worse things to stare at." Chris smirks. (Behind him Chef groans in disproval) "Anyway ladies forgot about the crowds."
"I want to, but I can't stop thinking about them now."
"Then I'll give you something else to think about." Chris says opening the door and leading them inside.
The enter into a tiny windowless room, decorated with nothing but a floor rug. Chris stands close to the door, avoiding the centre of the room for some reason.
"So." He begin. "You ladies might of heard but what you just lived through was a fairly big departure to how the first forty nine seasons went."
"We're the fiftieth season of Total Drama?" Peach asks amazed.
Chris rolls his eyes. "Pretty sure I already said that. But yes. And don't interrupt me, eh-ver."
"I'm sorry."
"Good. Anyway. Conner did a lot of things differently than I would have. One of the more notable being the challenges. Ladies I understand you spent a lot time hunting for statues of me. Which, while I most totally appreciate the idea of teaching a bunch of famous fictional characters to recognize my perfect features, is very different from the regular Total Drama experience. So today."
"Actually the statues were only-"
"PEACH!"
The princess flinches backwards, then grins apologetically. Chris gives her a dirty look.
"As I was saying." He begins again. "You girls have a terminal case of Conner brain when it comes to this show. But for your grand finale I'm going to catch you up on how we do things Chris style." He claps his hands. "Chef!"
Chef nods and pulls away the rug, revealing a large circular hole in the centre of the room. The two girls pier into it. Theirs no visible bottom, the pit simply fades into an all-encompassing darkness.
"So who wants to jump first?" He asks cheerfully.
"What?" Yelp both contestants.
"First rule when dealing with me!" Chris says. "Be ready for anything! Signing up for Total Drama is like skydiving without a parachute and you better be ready to take the plunge."
"Do you have to be so overt about it?" Beatrice asks.
"Just think of it as a fun call back. First ever challenge in Total Drama history was cliff jumping off a thousand foot cliff! Into a lake! Filled with killer sharks!"
"There's not sharks down there is there?"
Chris shrugs. "Only one way to find out."
Peach takes a deep breath and gives a Beatrice a weak smile.
"Just like entering a new world for the first time isn't it?"
"I guess." Beatrice says unconvinced.
"Ready?"
Beatrice sighs exasperatedly.
"The things I do for this show."
Both girls' leap.
Beatrice plummets for several seconds through the darkness until she lands hard in icy water. She resurfaces gasping for breath.
"You okay Peach?"
No response.
"Peach!?"
"Coming." Comes a voice from high above her.
She waits a few moments as something comes downward to gently land in the water next to her.
"Let me guess, that was your little floaty powers?"
"Yes. Sorry for the delay. Do you feel any sharks?"
"I don't want to jinx it just yet. But no."
"Very good."
A faint light shines through the pitch darkness. Silently they swim towards it. They find a concrete platform with another door and haul themselves upwards, their gowns and hair heavy with water.
"So much for looking nice for the finale." Beatrice grumbles, taking out her bun and attempting to ring out her hair.
Peach pulls at the helm of her wet ballgown contemplatively. Then she twirls in around and spins in place, the water flying off her in sheets, leaving the princess dry as a bone. She sighs happily.
"Ah, much better."
"Let me guess?" Beatrice asks. "White Magic?"
"White Magic!" Peach sings. She turns to Beatrice and covers her mouth. Her little spin has completely drenched Beatrice all over again.
"Oh my! Beatrice I'm terribly sorry."
"It's fine." Beatrice insists, looking more amused than annoyed. She sighs. "Wish I had White Magic."
"I'm sorry I can't share."
"No need I brought Towels." Chris offers.
Peach smiles graciously. "Oh how- EEP!"
She swings around and punches Chris square in the face. He falls backwards onto his backside, cursing and clutching his noise.
"AAARGH! CAREFUL ON THE FACE DUDE! THIS THING IS EXPENSIVE!"
"Where did you come from!?" Peach yelps.
Chris gives her another fowl look. Then pulls back his sleeve to reveal one of the watches like transporters Conner's crew wears.
"Not all of your hosts ideas were bad." He says. "Just most of them, judging by the behavior of his finalists."
"Mr Mclean I'm so sorry!" Peach squeaks. Chris's eyes narrow.
"I'm watching you Princess." He grumbles.
Beatrice towels off and he leads them through the doors and down a desolate concrete chamber.
…
Back with the crowd there's palpable tension in the air as they watch Chris lead the girls to their challenge.
Conner's gathered in the centre of the crowd, flanked by his staff.
"McLean didn't happen to tell you what he's got in store did he?" Peter asks leaning over to Conner. His boss shakes his head.
"Chris seemed pretty tight lipped about it." Conner admits.
…
The girl's footsteps echo in the empty concrete tunnel. The florescent lights flickering above them.
"You're probably wondering what these tunnels are doing beneath my house." Chris says. "They're actually maintenance tunnels for an unfinished line of the LA subway. Another long story there, but it mostly involves local politics so I'll spare you the boring details. Point is I got a sweet secret sub basement out of the deal, and I thought what place to built a ridiculously awesome challenge in secret?"
They arrive at an imposing set of blast doors. Chris stops and stands before them solemnly.
"Contestants. Behind these doors is your final challenge. One of my own making. One that embodies everything I stood for during my near half century as host of these games. I'm not gonna lie to you dudes, this one will be painful. It may also be gross, terrifying, cruel, unfair, nauseas inducing, and extremely dangerous. There's a definite chance that whoever of loses might come out of this in a stretcher, or a strain jacket…" He chuckles. "Get really unlucky, and we might even be hauling you out of here in a body bag."
…
Daisy scoffs dismissively.
"Hey no biggee. If they lose a life, they lose a life. Nothing to worry about right guys?"
Her friends agree pointedly. Standing nearby however, the Flower Girls seem extremely uneasy. They're not the only ones. Some of the staff seem worried too.
"Conner you sure we can trust this guy with the contestants?" Peter asks.
Conner laughs unconvincingly. "Ha HA! Course we can! This guy's hosted for forty-nine seasons, what's the worse he could do?"
Conner turns back to the screen, deeply worried.
…
It feels like it's gotten quite cold in the tunnel Peach notices. Or at least that's how seems. Beatrice looks like she'd agree. The girl's trembling like a leaf.
"What's the matter?" Chris asks smirking. "You two aren't intimidated or anything by chance, are you?"
"Of course not!" Peach laughs sheepishly. Chris's grin broadens.
"Do you believe we can do this challenge?" She asks.
Chris shrugs.
"Doesn't matter what I think. Real question is whether you think you can."
Peach reflects on this. Deeply conflicting emotions run through her like waves in a storm. Is Chris bluffing? If they said no, would he let them walk away? And if they did, Would It devalue what they've already been through. It's hard to say if she can trust Chris. Once she would have trusted him un questioningly. But that blind faith in strangers was stolen by Sideshow Bob.
She turns to Beatrice. Hogwarts feels like a several lifetimes ago. That she once dreaded encountering this girl in the hallways felt impossible. After everything they had been through now she was glad to have her here someone she knew she could trust.
The girl nods firmly and Peach draws in her breath. Confident in their unspoken decision.
"We're ready."
Chris smirks.
"Good. Now stick out your arms."
They do so hesitantly, Chris slides their silver Hammerspace bangles from their wrists.
"Old school means no extra toys." He explains. "You can have these back after the game. In the meantime, I've got some new bling for you two to were during the challenge."
He hands them each a golden locket.
"Pretty aren't they? If you open them up, you'll find theirs a key inside. That key unlocks a briefcase that contains your prize money. Once those doors open first one of you to open it wins it all."
"I'll go ahead and guess that it's not going to be that simple." Beatrice says flatly.
"Wouldn't be much of a challenge if it was." Chris says.
"Separating you from the cash is a labyrinth full of all sorts of dangerous and humiliating traps from season's prior. And that's not all that's returning. I made some calls, pulled a few strings, and long story short managed to get all twenty-two original contestants to guard the case. Most of them will be and patrolling the maze armed with special guns. They shot you, and you'll be instantly teleported back here at the start. Those that aren't in the maze will be above you, watching your every move from a control room, and they'll be sure to let their friends know where you are. If you want to be rid of them, you'll have to get rid of them.
Oh, and one more thing. They'll be a timer on the case set for an hour. Neither of you reach it in time then it'll explode. And no one will get the money."
Conner appears behind them.
"HOLD IT!"
"EEP!"
"Sorry Peach."
He turns and gives Chris a stormy look.
"We didn't agree on the money exploding!" He says through gritted teeth.
"Conner! Dude. Trust me. If you're contestants are half as tough as mine, they'll make it in plenty of time."
"But-"
"No buts. This my challenge."
"But…" Conner repeats feebly.
Chris leans over and presses the green button on Conner's teleporting watch. Conner disappears and reappears back in his place in the crowd.
Jeremy gurgles.
"I'm worried too Jeremy." Conner says.
Back in the tunnel. Chris walks over to the wall, where a lever's waiting for him.
"Ready ladies?"
"You've asked us that like five time, quit stalling!" Beatrice snaps.
"That's what I like to hear!" Chris declares. "For all the money! For the ultimate victory! Your final challenge starts NOW!"
He pulls the lever down, the blast doors creak open, and the two girls take off into a the maze. Two turns great them, one to the left, one to the right. They split up without hesitating.
…
For their final challenge of such a grand season the visuals aren't particularly notable. Chris seems to have done up their maze like it's some sort of science lab. There metal paneling and strange screens and equipment plastering the walls, giving everything in sight a cool gunmetal uniform grey look, apart from the screens glowing green and blue. Not that Beatrice has time to admire the scenery. For the second time today she's sprinting fasts as her legs will take her. Not chancing a second to look back.
Her minds racing as well. Straining desperately to come up with a sort of strategy. She's already heard voices. Young teens about her age by the sound of it shouting directions to each other. So far, her plan's been to outrun them but Chris's ominous talk of an unseen control tower has her nervous. Should she divert and focus on removing it from the game or can she just outmaneuver them? It's hard to say. If she takes out the tower it'll help Peach too, and if the Princess makes a beeline for the case while she's busy with the tower there's a good chance she won't catch up.
Maybe she was busying herself with the tower right now. Knowing Peach the princess wouldn't be worried about whether or not she'd be helping the both of them. That sort of selfish way of thinking just didn't seem to occur to that women. Then again, how could she be sure it didn't?
…
Peach creeps through the halls, running in short bursts, then pausing for breath.
There was no doubt about in her mind about it. She had to find that tower. Creeping around halls surrounding by hostile guards. This she was very used to. In truth she could scarcely have asked for a challenge better suited to her. But that guard tower. The idea that someone always has eyes on her? That she's not comfortable with. She'll have to at the very least investigate that. Then she'll see about 'taking care of it.' as Chris said. Though truthfully, she doubt's she'll be able to harm anyone up there if that's what he means. The thought that this will be of helping Beatrice as well doesn't bother her at all. Once the tower was gone, she'd deal with the rest of the maze quickly.
She comes to an abrupt halt. There's a dead end in front of her, or perhaps more accurately, there's something blocking the way ahead. It looks to be the side of a large round machine.
"What's this?" She asks herself. To her surprise she get's a response. Chris's voice comes crackling down from an intercom system.
"It's a tunnel boring machine. City left it here and it was too big to move so I built the maze around it."
"But it's in the way." Peach says.
"Then you might want to find another path, and quick."
She hears footsteps in the distance. The Princess let's out a tiny sound of panic then dashes back into the depths of the maze.
…
The crowd outside watches intensively. One screen's following Beatrice, the other Peach. A map of the maze overlaid on the footage.
"Peach is doing well." Winry muses.
"They both are." Bentley comments.
Amethyst scoff "Of course they are. They haven't run into anything yet."
…
Peach stops in the middle of the hall, the paranoia starting to get to her. Suddenly her ears perk up, somethings just made a loud buzzing sound. A second later the floor gives out under her. Her floating powers give her just enough time to grab onto to a ledge. She looks down and gasps. Far beneath her, several alligators bellow ominously.
…
"A gator pit!?" Indy yelps hoarsely.
Katakuri grimaces. "It's a Chris challenge alright."
"What if she had fallen in that?" Dipper asks. "Those gators would have chewed her to bits!"
"It's best not to think about that." Charlie assures him.
"Besides, don't worry about Peachy." Deadpool assures him, putting an arm around the boy. "I'd be more concerned about your crush."
"First of all, Beatrice? Definitely not my crush!" Dipper yelps. "Secondly, why!? What's wrong!? What's happening to her!?"
"Well, I maaaay have slightly read ahead in the script again."
"I thought you promised not to do that?" Spinel asks.
"I promised MemeKing not to do that." Deadpool insists. "Norbert and I have made exactly zero arrangements together because he thinks responding back to me breaks the immersion."
"What?" Dipper asks flatly.
"Just pay attention to the screen kiddo. We're about to see some more cameos."
…
Back on Beatrice's side of things. The girl's running at top speed down a straight away when she crashes into what felts like a mattress.
She looks up to see the hulking form of a gravely obese boy her age. His hair bright blonde, his t-shirt white with a large teal maple leaf on the front. He beams at her, pudgy face full of joy.
"Hello…" He coos. "I haven't seen you before? Are you from one of the later seasons?"
"Owen she's from this season!" Call a voice. Beatrice turns around to see a muscular African boy in a green jersey and white skull cap rush up behind her, blocking her escape route. The other boy, Owen looks at her and gasps dramatically.
"Oh wow you're one of the finalist then! Oh my gosh! It's so cool to meet you. You'll never believe it but way, way, way, way, way back in season one I was a finalist too!"
Beatrice grins at him awkwardly.
"Good for you. Now... Um. I don't suppose I can get by can I?"
"Sure!"
"OWEN NO!" Cries the other boy. "Come on man! We're being paid to get in her way, not help her!"
Owen frowns. "Oh right. Sorry I guess I gotta… shot you… with this gun… now."
He gives what looks to be an airsoft gun in his hands a pained look then turns away and wails dramatically.
"I CAN'T DO IT!"
He gives Beatrice a hard shove towards his friend.
"DJ you shot her!"
DJ looks aghast. "No way man! You found her! You do it!" He cries forcing Beatrice back towards Owen.
"I can't do she's a finalist! I've been where she is!" Owen exclaims
"You think I want to do this any more than you?" DJ retorts.
"You're the one that told me do it!"
"So do it!"
"NO! You do it!"
"You do it!
"You do it!"
"What are you arguing about?"
A third boy's appeared behind DJ. He's rail thin with a head of greasy orange hair, think yellow lensed glasses and a blue t-shit with a picture of a hamburger on it. DJ points at Beatrice.
"Harold you shot her! Me and Owen can't do it!"
Harold sighs dramatically.
"Gosh you guys. You're gonna make us OGs look weak. Such cowardness would never have stood at Crazy-Steve's Summer Survival Camp."
He sighs again.
"Guess it's up to me to bag the babe."
Beatrice scowls. "I'd like to see you tr-"
Harold fires his gun. The boys and the maze around them instantly disappear and she finds herself laying on the concrete back at the entrance.
Chris smirks down at her.
"Welcome back."
…
Peach has managed to dodge three more traps by now. She's getting the hang of dodging them. Better yet, She's already starting to figure out the shape of the maze. It's a long, narrow set of rooms, longer than it is wide. The boring machine runs right down the centre, essentially splitting the maze in the two slender chambers multiple floors tall. If that wasn't complicated enough there seems to be side wings attached to either side, perhaps former maintenance rooms, now confusing extensions to the maze. All the same Peach had been searching them, looking for some sort of hidden way into the control room. So far, she hadn't come up with anything, and as the minutes were ticking by she had the growing feeling this was futile.
"Fifteen minutes down! Forty-five to go!" Comes Chris's voice.
Peach sighs. She's wasting time. She makes for a staircase, intending to return to the main segment of the maze.
Something whizzes by her ear, she squeaks in terror in dives behind a wall.
"What you hiding from babe?"
She chances a peek out from her corner. There's a teenaged boy standing down the hall in some of sort of ridiculous get up. His hair green and shaved down to a mohawk like the kind one of Koopalings wore. He also shares their taste in spiked collars. His face impaled with metal piercings; his shirt black with some sort of skull figure on it. The boy spots her and grins nastily.
"There you are."
He fires off another volley of shots. She makes a beeline out of there. Running fast as her heels can take her.
She looks over her shoulder to see if he's chasing her. To her great surprise it doesn't seem like he is.
"Huh?"
She dips down another corner and makes her way back towards him. Sure enough he seems to be backtracking too.
Like he's hesitant to go to far from his post…
Like he's guarding som-
The boy looks up and shots her. This time she's not quick enough. There's the sound of his weapon going off, then she's back in front of Chris.
"So…?" He asks causally. "How's the search going? Any luck?"
Peach beams at him. "Yes!"
…
Beatrice retraces her steps, making it back in half the time it took the first time. Harold's waiting for her when she gets there.
"Welcome back."
He shots her square in the chest. She reappears back at the start.
"Phooey." She grumbles.
She swears she's only halfway back when he finds her again.
"Hungry for more?"
He shots her square in the chest. She reappears back at the start.
"Cheese and crackers!"
She's barely made it far at all when suddenly he's in front of her.
"I think not."
He shots her square in the chest. She reappears back at the start.
"DAMMIT!"
She eyes Chris smirking at her.
"I mean, dag nab it." She insists.
"Sure you do."
…
Back in the crowd. Deadpool's shuffling back towards his friends and the Fact Hunters. The superhero's arms now full of food. He's also wearing an oversized white T-shirt over his body suit. The words. I WENT TO THE ENDLESS FINALE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS CRUMMY T-SHIRT printed on the front in block text.
"Where did you get all that?" Indy asks.
"Food truck." Deadpool says, passing a tray of fries to Spinel and a plate of confectionary treats to Katakuri. "What did I miss?"
"Peach found the hidden base and Beatrice is one step away from going full Yuka." Armin says.
The Endless contestants give him a blank look.
"She was a girl on my season that when a little extreme." He clarifies.
"Perfectly understandable. I've seen the state of your season." Peter Quill says a little disapprovingly.
"Professor you're the one that spent the most time with the girls. Who do you think is doing better?." Charlie asks Indy. The archeologist squints at the screen.
"Peach is playing to her strengths but it might cost her time. Beatrice meanwhile is fighting a war of attrition with the maze."
"Will that work for her?" Wendy asks as Katakuri leans down to hand her a donut.
"She might be stubborn enough to pull it off."
"Beatrice is persistence like that. She held her own during the Battle of Atlantis. I'd say she might have a chance." Lenny argues.
Indy smiles to himself. "Atlantis… Good times."
"Definitely." Lenny agrees.
They share a chuckle.
Peter looks over to Deadpool.
"Are their really food trucks over there or was that a Deadpool thing?"
"No there's like a ton of them back there." Deadpool says.
Willy Wonka sighs bitterly.
"All those people settling for inferior treats…"
"Next time Wonka. Will get 'em next time" Doof says, patting his business partner on the back bracingly.
…
Beatrice reappears in front of Chris for the sixth time. The girl seething with rage.
"I see things are going well with Harold?"'
Beatrice snarls in disgust then charges back into the maze. A minute later she's back.
"AAAGH!"
Chris laughs.
"Man… He's got you steamed."
"Why are you letting him get away with this!?" She screams at him.
"Why are you letting him get away with this?" Chris counters.
"He's not playing fair!"
"Yeah. He is. What are you going do about it?" Chris asks. "You're supposed to be a Total Drama finalist? You really gonna let this little nerd stand between you and ten million dollars."
Beatrice's nostrils flare determinedly.
"You not attached to Harold are you?"
"Not particularly."
"Good."
She lets out a furious war cry and charges back into the maze. From outside Chris can hear Harold shriek in terror before the sounds of a particularly violent scuffle can be heard.
After about a minute Beatrice returns, this time on foot. Her hairs come down and her lip's bloody. She drags a bruised and beaten Harold to the entrance then throws him down at Chris's feet.
"And stay out!"
"Yes ma'am." Harold whimpers.
"Good!"
Beatrice puts her hair back up, grabs Harold's gun, then charges back into the maze. Chris nods approvingly.
"That's more like it eh Harold?"
"I think I need a hospital." Moans the nerd.
"Good for you."
…
Sure enough, the boy is still there when Peach returns. This time she spots what he's guarding as well. It's another staircase just like all the others in the maze. Funnily enough there wouldn't have been any way to know it was special if the boy wasn't protecting it.
She's careful to stay out of his sight this time. Finding a corner where she can see him but he can't see her.
She watches him put a hand to his ear, then smile.
"I know you're here." He calls out. Then cocks his gun.
"I'm impressed you made it back, but it's not gonna do you much good princess."
He puts his hand to his ear again then frowns.
"No, not you princess. I mean the real princess."
Pause.
"You're the one that told me she was here!"
Pause.
"Yes… babe. I think you're pretty enough to be a real princess."
Pause.
"Yes! I remember Action! I was there for the whole thing!"
He sighs.
A flash of pink peaks around a nearby corner. He fires at it, and hears someone scamper away. The boy scowls.
"Quit messing around, will ya!?"
"Come out here and find me." Peach challenges. The boy laughs.
"You're joking right?"
He seemingly get's another glimpse at her and fires another round off.
"Oh dear I think you missed." Peach giggles. The boy scowls again.
"You think this is funny?" He asks. "Well listen your majesty. I don't know you think you're dealing with but there's a reason I'm the one they asked to be the guard."
Peach's voice comes revibrating from somewhere.
"Oh so you are guarding something? Thank goodness. I was beginning to think I was wasting my time."
The voice in his ear piece is screaming at him. The Boy ignores it.
"There's been fifty seasons of this crap Princess! Want to know how many I've been in? Fourteen!"
He fires off a shot at random, just to see if it will spook her. No luck.
"I'm a veteran among veterans babe! VIP of this crummy game! Me! Duncan! Toughest customer to every conquer this game. I've survived everything McLean's thrown at me so far. So you've got another think coming if you think about to be bested by Princess. Freaking. Peach!?"
Something strikes him in the back of the head and he falls over. Peach grins down at his body.
"Terribly sorry." She says sincerely. Then leans down and smiles.
"I've learned a thing or two from this game as well you know?"
Duncan groans.
"Noted."
She turns and runs up the stairs.
…
Beatrice is making good headway now. With Harold's stolen gun she's been able to dispatch any former contestant in her way.
In the control room of the maze, three girls her age watch her progress through a set of monitors. One girl a Latina with straight brown hair and business attire scowls with distain.
"I don't know why Chris is letting her get away with this?" She asks. Her voice shrill. Both girls beside her, an Asian girl with long dark hair and crop top and a pasty goth girl with turquois highlights roll their eyes.
"It's not like Chris ever cared about the rules." The Asian girl remarks bitterly.
"Should with sic Izzy on her?" The goth asks. The brunette scoffs.
"We are absolutely not using Izzy until necessary. We've been over this Gwen! I took the liberty of creating a detailed plan of where and when to use everyone and we are not deviating from it! Understand!?"
"Yeah Gwen get with the program." The Asian girl sneers. Gwen glares back at her.
"Why are do even care about this Heather? I mean Courtney I get, she's psycho-competitive about everything but since when have you cared about defending Chris's honour?"
"Oh trust me I don't." Heather says pointedly. "I care about proving to these little wannabes that no one's better at this game then the originals. So get off your fat butt and deal with this."
"How? You heard Courtney. We're not supposed to touch the screens unless it's part of her dumb plan…"
"HEY!"
"…and we don't exactly have any weapons besides that."
Princess Peach throws open the door triumphantly.
"HA!"
The three girls get up and brandish pistols. The Princess let's out a little squeak of alarm and dives back around the side of the door. Now it's Courtney's turn to laugh smugly.
"We knew you were listening to us!"
"I think she got that Courtney." Gwen says.
The three stand there posed to fire. Slowly, cautiously, Peach chances a peek at them from around the doorframe.
The other three stand firm without so much as shifting their weight. Fear melds with curiosity in the Princess before their both overtaken by confidence. Weak at first but growing by the moment. She steps out in the open doorway quite plainly in their line of fire. The girls still don't response but she notices Courtney's lower lip twitching nervously.
Peach smiles.
"Those gun's are empty aren't they?"
Courtney suddenly looks uncomfortable "What? Don't be stupid. Of course they're not empty."
"Way to go Courtney! I told you one of them would figure it out!" Heather grumbles throwing her useless weapon aside.
"Blame Chris for giving them to us like that!" Courtney snaps.
Peach smiles politely. "If you wouldn't mind moving over there-"
"No way!" Courtney declares. "If you think you get past us without a fight you are dead wrong missy!"
"Thirty minutes left!" Chris booms over an intercom. Peach fidgets impatiently.
"Please I'd rather not fight you." She says. "But I'm used to fighting much stronger things than you."
"Are you calling us weak?"
"No I didn't mean-Oh my stars!"
Courtney's grabbed a fire axe from under the desk. She smirks sinisterly.
"This is for what you did to Duncan you 8-bit bimbo! Come on girls! Team Amazon! YAAA!"
She dives at Peach. Peach, the memory of being attacked by Rourke the same way still fresh in her mind rolls out of the way. Courtney's axe embeds itself in the metal wall behind her.
Heather laughs.
"Wow! Just wow! Real pathetic charge there Courtney!"
"Oh like you're dong much better standing there! Come help me pull it out!"
"Do it yourself you Straight A psycho!"
"Help me or our little Endless friend hears about your elimination on Island."
"Tell her and I tell her about your performance on Action, or even better, All-Stars."
Courtney gasps in horror.
"Wow. Bringing up the chart, that's cold Heather." Gwen muses.
"We agreed to never bring up the chart!" Courtney shouts.
"You dredge up my dirt, I dredge up yours." Heather says smugly.
Courtney snarls at the girl then flies across the room at her. The two girls transforming in a whirl of fists, claws and insults.
"Pig!"
"Skank!
"Psycho!"
"Bald!"
Heather slams the both of them into the control panel, splintering some of its electronics. It electrifies the both of them, then they fall to the ground, ash-faced and unconscious.
"Oh my." Peach says staring down at the two awkwardly.
"Yeah. Don't know why Chris though the three of us were gonna work well together." Gwen snarks.
"Are they alright?"
"They're fine, probably just bruised their egos." Gwen insists. She rolls her eyes. "They call this show Total Drama for a reason you know."
"Oh." Peach says. She throws Gwen a probing look.
"If that's settled, I'd like to get by you, so…"
"Cool."
"You're not going to stop me?"
Gwen throws up her hands indifferently.
"I'm not as dedicated to the cause as those two. Besides…" She smiles at the Princess. "I got the CliffsNotes version of what you've been through this season. That whole thing you've been doing turning the tired passive damsel archetype on its head? Kind of kickass."
"Oh, well… Thank you."
They walk out of the control room. Peach curtseys to the girl. Gwen smiles, then doubles back.
"I think the deal is if you don't get all three of us out of the room you haven't technically beaten us."
She drags Heather and Courtney out into the hall behind the control room. Soon as they're fully outside. An iron hatch slams down over the doorway. Red lights start flashing. Siren's scream to life.
Peach looks around in a panic.
"What!?"
Gwen winces. "Sorry…"
…
Lights and sirens go off throughout the entire maze. Beatrice seems even more started by them than Peach.
"ATTENTION FINALISTS!" Chris booms from the intercom. "GOOD NEWS! DUE TO ALL THREE OPERATORS BEING REMOVED FROM THE CONTROL ROOM, THE ENTIRE COMPLEX HAS JUST ENTERED MAXIMUM LOCKDOWN!
…
"WHAT!?" Peach yelps.
"ALL REMAINING FORMER CONTESTANTS HAVE ENTERED THE MAZE AS WELL AS A SEVERAL INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS ACTIVE HAZARDS! OH YEAH, AND I'M ALSO HALVING YOUR TIME!"
…
"HOW IS THAT GOOD NEWS!?" Beatrice demands.
"IT MAKES THINGS MORE ENTERTAINING FOR ME!"
Chris chuckles. Beatrice glares furiously at the ceiling.
"I'm really starting to get why people don't like you."
"YOU NOW HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES TO GET TO THE CASH BEFORE IT EXPLODES. GOOD LUCK!"
…
Outside the girl's former teammates look on nervously.
"Oh dear! They'll never make it!" Fluttershy cries.
"Yes they will!" Tigress and Amethyst both insist.
"One of the girls will get there!" Bentley says confidently. "No matter what new depths Mclean's willing to sink too."
"Actually this is still fairly standard behavior for Chris." Katakuri muses.
"I don't know Donuts. I've read the other fics and we've got a pretty tame Chris back home." Deadpool acknowledges. He nudges Armin. "Unlike some seasons I know eh kid?"
Armin nods distantly, the boy having lapsed into a thousand-yard stare. The same kind a veteran might have reliving the memory of a Viet Cong ambush.
"To my Chris this would be mercy."
…
Peach turn to Gwen furiously.
"You tricked me!"
She hugs her shoulders self consciously.
"…And I fell for it! Like I've learnt nothing!"
"In my defense they're paying us a lot of money to make you guys fail." Gwen admits.
Peach doesn't seem to be listening. She has her hands over her face muttering bitterly.
"Why must I always be so stupid!"
"Okay. Look it's just a game. I didn't mean to give you a self esteem episode."
She tries to pull Peach's hands away from her face. The Princess recoils.
"Get away from me!" She hisses.
Ominous sounds begin to ring out from the other side of the hall. Gwen looks at Peach urgently.
"I wasn't lying about respecting you." She says quickly. She shows her something on her wrists. It looks like a hammerspace bangle but far more clunky. She presses a button and a holographic map of the maze appears.
"No tricks this time. This map we've been using to get around. Brief case is on the far end from where you started. Got it?"
Peach glares at the girls suspiciously but nods.
More sounds from the hall, this time they're unmistakable. One of Chris's traps is arming itself.
"GO!" Gwen shouts. Peach runs without hesitation. Several tubes open in the walls and begin firing out leeches. Gwen's immediately hit by about twenty of them. She sighs.
"I deserved that."
…
Beatrice back to running fast as her legs can carry her. Hoping to outpace the chaos that's quickly broken out.
It's obvious Chris wasn't joking about the extra manpower. Even without the control tower guiding them see keeps running into his little teen army.
Two girls in pigtails are firing at her, then some muscle-bound girl with a crazed look in her green eyes, followed by another green eyed green that just seems plain crazy. Fortunately, Harold's gun seems to work just as well on them as it did her.
Two more of Chris's goons appear, two skinny looking boys, A brunette with a tooth gap and a brown skinned boy with a red sweater vest and looking utterly bored.
"Surrender!" The brunette cries, his voice breaking painfully.
"How many of you are their!?" Beatrice shouts back.
"Never underestimate how many people are willing to lose their dignity on television." The boy in the vest snarks.
A trap goes off. Dodgeballs start shooting down the hallway. Beatrice ducks in time as her pursuers are both struck between the legs and collapse to their knees in perfect synchronization.
"Case in point." He wheezes.
…
"Stupid Peach! Stupid, stupid girl!"
The Princess curses herself.
Gwen's betrayal had bothered her more than she liked it to. She thought she'd gotten better at this, better at reading people. You'd think she would learn after Rourke, after Bob, after…
No! She forces her emotions down and buries them. This wasn't the time to dwell on this sort of thing. Her friends were watching. She just has to get through this then she'll be free to be with them again. Free to be back living in her simple life where no one make her feel this way again.
She rounds a corner and runs headlong into something that feels like a mattress. Owen beams down at her.
"Oh wow! You must be the Princess!" He gushes. "You're even more pretty than your friend was!"
"Yes. Thank you." Peach says impatiently. "I don't mean to be rude but if you're not going to shoot me then can you please get out of the way!?"
"Of course!" Owen says. He makes to comply, only to stop short and smack himself on the forehead.
"Ugh! I'm doing it again!"
He shoves his gun in Peach's face, holding it in her face for a moment before turning away in despair.
"AGH! I can't shoot you either! I'm a disgrace to name of Total Drama! Oh someone should just shoot me!"
He disappears quite suddenly. Beatrice is standing behind them gun out.
"Peach!" She says surprised.
"Beatrice!"
A door opens behind them and an adult grizzly bear emerges and roars. Both girls let out a cry of terror and flee down the hall, the bear on their heels.
"This is what my challenge's been like so far." Beatrice says. "How's yours been? Did you actually mess up with the control room or was that Chris being a jerk?"
Peach sighs. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have trusted that girl!"
"Don't beat yourself up over this Princess, you got this."
"Thank you, Beatrice."
They duck through a series of descending stone pillar that remind Peach strongly of the Thwomps back home. The Bear charges straight through them unimpeded.
Peach nods to Beatrice's gun.
"You could make things easier for yourself."
"I considered it." Beatrice acknowledges. "But I think the moments passed."
"I thought we weren't going to go easy on each other."
"I'm not." Beatrice insists. "I just think I can beat you without resetting you."
The two smile at each other.
A fork appears ahead of them.
"Good luck!"
"You too."
They split up. The bear doesn't swerve fast enough and crashes into the wall. It's head splintering open, revealing it to be full of gears.
Soon as Peach is out of sight Beatrice stops and doubles over, panting. Another creature approaches. This one a tiny hairless squirrel.
She doesn't even acknowledge it. Seemingly angry at being snubbed it snarls.
"You'll have to do better that if you want to scare me."
The squirrels eyes glow red and a blast of lasers fires from it. The metal wall behind Beatrice explodes. The girls stares at the creature in horror.
"Yeah. You know. That's a lot better."
The squirrel lunges at her and she's off running again.
…
"TEN MINUTES LEFT!"
Peach is staring to get nervous. She's running out of time.
Another boy steps in front of her again. This time it's DJ. He fires at her. Forcing her to dive for cover.
"I really don't have time for this!" Peach cries.
"Well I'm not letting another contestant get by me!" DJ declares. "Mama didn't raise no quitter!"
Suddenly a trap triggers and the room starts shaking violently.
"AAAGH! MAMA!" DJ cries.
Peach clings to a pipe desperately as the hallway thrashes around her. Small slots open in the walls and crabs emerge from them. Most of them are shaken loose from the walls before they can grab her but judging by his squeals several find their way to DJ.
The shaking stops and Peach leaps down off the pipe. She emerges from her hiding place to find DJ curled up on the ground in the fetal position, sobbing, several crabs hanging onto him by their pinchers.
"Make it stop, make it stop."
Peach lingers on the scene for a moment. A voice in her head tells her to help to poor boy. Another voice that hadn't been that before Bob tells her to leave him to his suffering.
She does neither. Instead walking over and grabbing his wrist, where the primitive hammerspace is. She presses the button on it. The hologram of the maze appears again.
"This map!" She says. "Is it real?"
"What are you talking about?" DJ whimpers
"NINE MINUTES!"
Peach grabs him by the collar.
"Tell me!"
"AGH! Yes! It's real! It's real! It's how we've been navigating this maze this whole time!"
Peach looks at the device surprised. So the girl was telling the truth about that.
She plucks the device from his wrist.
"I'm going to keep this."
"Okay…" He blubbers.
"Are you alright?"
"I guess so."
She helps him to his feet then takes off. She opens the map again. Theirs two dots on the map, one pink, one turquois. She looks at her own dot. She's close, if she's fast she'll make it in time. She looks at Beatrice's dot and gasps.
"She's almost there!"
…
"She's almost there!" Cry several people in the crowd outside.
…
"NO IDEA WHERE I'M GOING!" Beatrice shouts. The laser Squirrel still on her tail.
The two of them tear through hallway after hallway, skating around traps. They pass through a four-way crossroads between two of them and a trap triggers. Beatrice leaps out of the way as a miniature tsunami rushes over the cross hall, the wave full of dangerous looking piranhas. The squirrel isn't as lucky and get's washes away.
Beatrice laughs victoriously.
"Ha ha! Yes!"
She allows herself a dumb little victory dance then turns around, takes one step forward and gasps.
The narrows halls suddenly opened up and she's left standing at the base of a large cavernous concrete chamber. A vast wall of scaffolding towering before her. At it's crest a glowing egg-shaped capsule. One Beatrice's already sure what its contents are.
"YES!"
She makes to run for it, and falls over. She looks down and discovers to her horror that she's knee deep in dry quicksand.
"NO!"
She can hear Chris cackling over the intercom.
"DUDE! I WAS SO HOPING ONE OF YOU WOULD FALL FOR THAT ONE!"
"CHRIS!" Beatrice bellows.
"BETTER FIGURE IT OUT QUICK KID! ONLY SEVEN MINUTES LEFT!"
Beatrice grumbles.
"I'M STARTING TO GET WHY PEOPLE REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU!"
She struggles against the sand but it's no use, she's stuck.
As if things couldn't get worse Peach emerges from out a hall the opposite side of the boring machine. She spots Beatrice and gasps.
"Beatrice!"
Several contestants emerge as well. Firing madly at the Princess.
"Peach go!" Beatrice cries. The princess seems conflicted
"But-"
"It's alright I'll figure this out."
Peach nods, then begins scrabbling up the scaffolding. The others fast behind her. She has their attention. Now's Beatrice's time to escape. Hopefully.
She weights her opinions. She still has Harold's gun, she could chance shooting herself and going back to the beginning. Not a good idea. She'd never make it in time.
She could shoot Peach. Definitely not. It wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't help her case.
A noise directs her attention behind her.
The Laser Squirrel is staggering towards her. It looks worse for wear but angrier than ever.
A warped idea pops into her head. It's risky, dangerous and there's a very good chance it won't work. But nothing else is popping out at her.
"You'll have to do." She tells the creature.
She grabs it by the neck then grabs Harold's gun. She shoots herself and both she and the squirrel disappear.
She reappears next to Chris the host looks deeply smug.
"Pour move dude. Only six minutes left."
Beatrice smirks back.
"Two things. One. You're a massive jerk and I hate you. Two. You don't have any plans for this place after this right?"
"Not really. Why?"
Beatrice cocks the squirrel like a gun.
"Just curious."
…
Peach meanwhile has already made it to the egg. She approaches it with a slow reverence.
"I did it." She breathes. "I won."
She opens her neckless and withdraws the key.
Instead of anything climactic happening, the egg flashes gold then turns a solid black colour. A white display appears on it, showing all her former contestants in random order.
"Oh yeah." Chris says idly. "One last thing before the egg opens. You got to put in all your fellow contestants by order of elimination."
"What? No. No!"
"Ah come on. It can't be that hard!"
"But I don't remember how the game started!"
…
"How's Peach going to get the combination right if she doesn't even remember the first five elimination!" Tails wonders.
"So what? She just has to guess a couple." Yao insists.
"Yao with five unique things you can make 120 combinations." Bentley informs him. "And that's assuming she get's the others perfect.
Yao looks grave. "Oh."
"Yo! Forget Peachy!" Amethyst shouts. "Look what Beatrice's is doing!"
…
Beatrice is welding the squirrel like a rifle, using its eyes to blast a straight path through the walls of the maze.
"FIVE MINUTES!" Chris cries.
…
Peach stands on the precarious perch with the egg, looking close to tears.
"Tigress, Perky, Susie, Julie, Ramona? No. Susie, Ramona, Perky, Julie, Tigress? No! Maybe It's… Ramona, Winry? No I think I remember Winry!"
"FOUR MINUTES!"
The original generation have crowded around the base of the tower, watching Peach's increasingly desperate guesses.
"Bogus dude. Doesn't look like she'll get it." Harold says, the nerd now in cast and bandages.
"Hey!"
Courtney pushes her way to the front of the crowd, Duncan and Heather flanking her.
"Oh great it's the glory hogs." The boy in the sweater vest snarks.
"CAN IT NOAH!" Courtney shouts. She glares at them all.
"Why is no one shooting at her!?"
"Times almost up Court." A boy with a surfer accent and a cowboy hat argues. "We wipe out the Princess theirs no way she'll make it back in time!"
"Then no one will win!" Owen cries.
"No. We'll win. That was the point remember?" Courtney asks. "To prove we're better than some Outsourced one note cast full of cheap gimmicks."
Several of teens gasp.
"Courtney show some respect amongst fellow competitors man!" A jock in a red tracksuit and no indoor voice yells.
"She's right though." Grumbles the female bodybuilder.
"Yeah, I'm not seeing the problem here." Admits a stunningly handsome Polynesian boy.
"Glad some of you dorks still have common sense." Duncan says with a roll of his eyes.
"Eva! Justin! Help us take out little miss goody two shoes." Heather snaps.
The bodybuilder and the Polynesian boy nod, and the five of them start climbing the scaffolding.
"TWO MINUTES!"
Peach let's go of the egg and sinks to her knees. Awash with misery.
Courtney climbs up to her and brandishes her gun triumphantly.
"End of the line Princess."
Peach sighs.
"I really thought I could be the hero for once."
"Well, guess you're not!" Courtney says lightly. "Don't take it too personally. Not everyone's cut out."
She cocks her gun.
Part of the wall of the maze in front of them explodes open and Beatrice rushes into the room. The rumbling from the damage she did to the structure causes a deep rumble through out.
Part of the scaffolding collapses. Duncan, Heather and the other two are low enough that they slide down the wave of falling boards largely unharmed.
The wooden boards beneath Courtney's feet buckles, and she falls from the highest level and catches a plank two levels below her by her fingers.
"SWEET SUFFERING SASKATCHEWAN! That's a ten-metre fall!" Owen gasps.
"COURTNEY!" Duncan shouts.
"I can't hold on!" Courtney cries.
Beatrice is already flying her way up the remaining scaffolding. Peach looks at her, then to the egg, then to Courtney.
"ONE MINUTE!"
Courtney's hand slips and she falls. Peach dives for her and catches her. Floating them both to safety.
"Well how about that? I can flow with two people."
They reach the ground. Courtney seems stunned.
"You saved me? Why?"
"Well I don't know how you were raised, but I was taught to help people in need." She draws in a breath. "And nothing will ever change that."
Courtney folds her arms. "Well, it was a pretty stupid move."
The others glare at her.
"But thank you." She admits.
Peach beams.
"You're welcome."
"FOURTY SECONDS!" Chris booms.
"Hurry Peach! There's still time!" Owen says excitedly. Peach smiles.
"That's alright. After all I've been through I think theirs more important things than-"
"THIRTY SECONDS!"
"GO!" Cry the original cast. Peach squeaks sharply and starts running up the scaffolding.
"TWENTY!"
At the top beads of sweat run down Beatrice's forehead. She knew this. She had this. If only her fingers would stop trembling.
"FIFTEEN SECOND!"
Peach runs.
"TWELVE!"
If only she could unlock this.
"ELEVEN!"
If only she could catch up.
"TEN!"
"NINE!"
"EIGHT!"
Outside everyone's scarcely dares to breath.
"SEVEN!"
"SIX!"
"FIVE!"
She slides the last contestant into place. Peach is nearly there.
"FOUR!"
The egg clicks open. There's the briefcase with it's lock.
"THREE!"
Beatrice can hardly keep steady.
"TWO!"
She grabs her key.
Trumpets blare so loudly she's nearly deafened.
"WE HAVE OUR WINNER!" Chris thunders.
There's a great deal of shouting and cheering. Both from the contestants below and through the speakers. Beatrice looks around dazed.
There's a key in the lock but it's not hers.
It's Peach's. The Princess bent over in front of her panting.
"I'm sorry." She says guiltily.
"Don't be."
Beatrice beams at her.
"Good game."
Peach beams back.
"You as well Beatrice."
…
Chris voice booms over the roaring crowd.
"CONGRATULATIONS TO THE FIFTIETH WINNER OF TOTAL DRAMA! PRINCESS PEACH!"
The crowd lets out a mighty bellow of glee.
"I'M SO PROUD!" Fluttershy cries hysterically.
"So would Markus." Lapis smiles.
"We all are." Tigress agrees.
"YEEEEEEEESS!" Screams Amethyst "WE WON! WE WOOOOOON! IF YOUR FACE FACT HUNTERS!"
"Uh we?" Lapis asks. "I thought you we're supporting Beatrice?"
"Let her have this." Tails insists.
Peach's companions from home are nearly besides themselves. Wirt scratches his neck humbly and extends his hand to Rosalina, who seems the most composed.
"Good game."
"You too."
Peter Quill raises a fist to the air.
"Hell yeah! Peachy won! We actually finished the season!"
"That's sort of the point isn't it?" Indy asks.
"I mean yeah. But you know… Part of me might have believed you guys we're all just gonna die out there and ruin it."
"What?"
"Doesn't matter! You did it!"
"Welcome to the club guys!" Deadpool exclaims wrapping his arms around the two men.
"Oh I'm so happy for you! God it's like you're part of the family now! Shame you guys aren't in the next season I'd love to keep in touch. We'll have to chat more once I join the MCU Quill!"
Peter gives Katakuri a searching look. The giant pirate merely shrugs.
Jeremy lets out an elated gurgle. Conner scratches him on the head affectionally.
"Yeah Peachy won big guy. Who'd thunk it?"
He turns one last time to us, the audience.
"Even after all this time out exploring it, causality continues to surprise me. You think you have a good understand in watching at home or in the theatre but get out into it and it's a whole different story. Out here, Faceless goons can have a story, nihilists can learn to care, Goddesses can be proven wrong, Damsel in distress can play the hero, and most surprising of all, we can go over a two-dozen episodes without mentioning Indiana Jones famously bad Ophidiophobia."
"Wait you're afraid of snakes!?" Doof asks Indy, deeply surprised. The archeologist shrugs.
"It never came up."
"But I digress." Conner continues. "Everywhere you go and everyone you meet. Be it in a book or a movie or on the streets. We're all people at the end of the day, and we have stories to tell. Thanks for experiencing this one with us.
We've got one little epilogue just to give our winner her prize, but besides that that's everything from us folks. Thanks for tuning in. We'll catch you on the next crazy season of Total Drama."
Suddenly the crowd surges with excitement. Chris and the two finalist have just emerged onto mansion's balcony, waving to their audience. Princess Peach's smile was radiant, the damsel had finally found herself.
She looked happier than she'd ever been.
And that's a wrap on this season. Three years of work but we made it. There's going to be more acknowledgements after the epilogue but as always thank you everyone for reading. Thank you for sticking with the story through all it's ups in downs. Writing Endless was a great experience and I look forward on working on future projects for the site.