XXIV.
Cora doesn't look up from her spot next to Alec's bed when she hears the sound of the Medical Centre door sliding open behind her, knowing it will be just another person coming to ask her how she is or to pay their respects to their Pathfinder. There had been a lot of both of those in the hours since they'd left Habitat 7, so instead, she keeps her eyes fixed on Alec, part of her feeling scared that if she takes her eyes off of him he'll disappear and be gone forever. She lets her eyes move over his face for what feels like the millionth time since they brought him back to the Hyperion, wishing that his eyes would open and he'd wake from this sleep he looked like he was in.
She sighs quietly when she lowers her eyes from him, letting her palm stroke against his forearm that she holds beneath her hand. Cora was feeling glad that they'd relieved him of his armour, because as cool as his skin was to the touch at least she could still feel him and not just his plates. She moves her hand to his, wrapping her fingers around it the best she can as her eyes return to his face again. Cora squeezes his hand tightly, trying to push down the overwhelming feeling of guilt when the horrific events of Habitat 7 replay in her mind over and over. She hadn't saved Alec, she'd let down the man she loved and she didn't know how she was going to be able to forgive herself. Scott had been hurt too, her poor lovely and too trusting Scott.
"Cora.." She hears a voice behind her and realises that her quiet moment with Alec has been interrupted. She glances over her shoulder and notices that Harry has joined her. "Can I sit?" He asks making her nod her head lightly and turn her attention back to Alec wondering why he is here and what he wants from her.
She hears him moving around behind her and the sound of him getting his own chair, the feet dragging across the floor as he moves it to her side, and she is sure she can hear him lowering himself onto it. Cora glances at him for a moment and notices that his eyes are on her and that he looks as sad as she feels.
"Would you like me to go?" Cora begins, seeing him shake his head and then move his eyes from her and to Alec. "You should have some time alone." She whispers and hears Doctor Carlyle sigh.
"No, you should stay." He sighs lightly. "I actually came to check on you, Cora." He adds making her focus on him again, seeing him give her a small nod and sympathetic look. "Alec was my friend, and he loved you." Harry continues. "So, it's the least I can do for him." He gives her a small smile.
"I loved him too." Cora nods and squeezes Alec's hand again, still expecting him to squeeze hers right back despite how much she knew his hands hurt him these days. "Even if he didn't always deserve that." She adds and hears Harry laugh quietly at her side. "I don't know what I'm going to do without him." Cora mumbles and her attention is drawn back to Harry when he lifts his arm and places his hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her and she knows she isn't holding it together very well.
"You do what he would have wanted you to do." Harry begins and she nods in response. "Continue his work." He adds and she sighs quietly, wondering how she was supposed to do that with him gone.
Cora sighs, she was the Pathfinder now and she would continue his legacy and do everything they'd always talked about. It was all she could do to repay him for everything he'd given her, to find a home for humanity and make sure people didn't forget about him. She knew she wouldn't, and there would always be a hole in her heart where he had been and part of her missing. She notices that Harry goes quiet and there is a silence between them, but she can feel his eyes are on her.
"Why don't you like me, Harry?" Cora asks, glancing at him and seeing him frown at her question. He couldn't exactly deny it after the way he'd always spoken to her. "Why didn't you want me and Alec to be together?" She asks, as soon as she does wondering why she even cares about his answer or what he has to say.
"It's nothing personal." Harry sighs and she watches him fold his arms in front of him, making her huff quietly when she can't imagine it can be anything but. "But the longer it went on between you the more distracted he was. He was always late, he always had something else on his mind." Harry adds and she shakes her head lightly.
"He was always focused on the mission." Cora huffs, letting her hand move from Alec's hand and placing it on his arm again. "I wasn't a distraction and all that mattered to him was the Initiative." Cora adds and she notices Harry doesn't look like he agrees.
"Cora.." Harry sighs. "He was completely caught up in you and you were all he talked about." Harry continues making frown, wondering why Harry was spinning this lie to her. "How do you think I found out?" He asks making her shrug lightly. "The same way Raymond did, and the same way everyone else close to him did." He continues making her narrow her eyes at him.
"He didn't tell anyone." Cora whispers, turning her attention away from Doctor Carlyle and back to Alec, letting her eyes move over his face again. "He wouldn't.." She mumbles and hears Harry's quiet laugh again, that upsets her when she hears it and she thinks he is dismissing what she is saying and laughing at her in such an awful moment.
"Well, he did." Harry huffs. "He told everyone, not me." Harry continues and she looks at him again, noticing that the look in his eyes doesn't show her that he's lying to her. "Alec was worried that people would think badly of you." He adds and she sees him lower his eyes for a moment. "He didn't want people to think you'd got the job because of him." Harry whispers.
"Well, I didn't." Cora whispers and she sees Harry nod in agreement. "Why would he tell everyone?" She asks and sees that Harry gives her a sympathetic smile. "I thought he was ashamed of being with me." Cora sighs.
"He wasn't ashamed.." Harry nods and she watches him move to eyes to Alec. "Distracted by you, yes. But not ashamed." He adds. "You made him very happy Cora, and I guess that is why he told people." He nods again and she closes her eyes to try and blink back the tears she feels forming in her eyes.
"Why are you telling me this now?" Cora whispers, lifting her hand to wipe her eyes. "All I wanted was for him to love me and to not have to hide anymore." She adds seeing Harry nod.
"Well, he did love you.." He nods. "But, we all know Alec wasn't that kind of man." He gives her a small smile. "He wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve." He adds and she nods lightly, the complete opposite to Scott in every way. "Everyone knew he was difficult and had a temper, and you still loved him anyway." He continues and Cora sighs.
She lowers her eyes for a moment; Harry was putting it very lightly about Alec's behaviour, and she knew she had to try and make herself remember how much he'd hurt her, and how abusive he'd been. But, maybe he was right; Alec was never going to be able to love her as publicly as she'd wanted and as much as he'd told her he wanted to be with her again, part of her had to believe it wouldn't have changed anything. He was still Alec Ryder, and she was still going to believe there was good in him when he showed her otherwise.
"If he loved me as much as you say.." Cora begins and notices his eyes are on her again. "Why did he break up with me? Why did he tell me that I was a distraction?" Cora adds and she sees that Harry pales when he hears her words, finally realising that Alec's reasons for him ending it had sounded just like what Harry had told her.
"I may have spoken to him." Harry begins making Cora sigh angrily.
"At the party?" She asks and sees Harry nod lightly, making her huff and turn away from him, knowing if she has to look at him a moment longer she might punch him in the face. Now she knew why Harry was here, he was feeling guilty.
"I didn't know he would do that to you." Harry whispers but it only makes her huff again, feeling the anger and hurt that he'd even thought it was his place to speak to Alec. "I just mentioned that he'd not been as focused since he'd been with you.." Harry continues but Cora lifts her hand and cuts him off.
"Just leave me alone, Harry." Cora whispers, her eyes not leaving Alec when she hears Doctor Carlyle standing from his chair. "I hope you're proud of yourself." She adds and she hears him sigh.
Cora can't help but wonder why he would be feeling any remorse after causing what had happened that night. Surely he'd got what he'd wanted and that was Alec away from her so that he could focus again. But she knew Alec had probably spent even more time distracted as Harry had put it after that night, and she had too. Cora closes her eyes for a moment, trying to remind herself that their separation was most likely always going to happen and maybe Harry had just helped it along.
"I'm sorry, Cora." Harry begins but she just shakes her head. "Scott is awake, he was asking for you." He adds making her nod lightly, the guilty feeling in her stomach returning when she knows she has to tell him what happened on Habitat 7 and to Alec.
Cora hears him sigh again when she doesn't respond and then the sound of his feet against the floor as he walks away from her, leaving her alone once again with Alec. She lifts her hand to take hold of his again, lowering her head as she tries to block out the noise of the busy and bustling Medical Centre and just focus on her thoughts.
"Maybe I didn't know you at all, Alec." Cora whispers and she leans forward from her seat to rest her cheek against his stomach. "Did you really love me or is this more lies?" She sighs and wraps her fingers around his. "Why can't I be without you?" She whispers and sniffs, trying to stop the tears that she promised she wouldn't cry in Andromeda.
"Cora." She hears Lexi's voice begin over her comms. "Scott is awake and would like to see you." She adds making Cora sigh when she hears it and sit back into her chair. "We're in SAM-node." She adds as Cora lifts her Omni to respond.
"I'm on my way." Cora replies, letting go of Alec's hand and climbing up off of her chair. "I'm sorry for letting you down, Alec." Cora sighs as she lets her hand gently brush against his hair before leaning down and pressing a kiss against his forehead. "I will always love you." Cora whispers.
Cora steps away from the bed and away from Alec, knowing that she has to leave no matter how bad she felt about leaving him on his own. But she knew that she is also desperate to see Scott and see that he is okay, even if she is going to have to see him hurt with the news when she does. Cora carefully makes her way back through the Hyperion, her legs feeling unsteady beneath her as she walks in a daze towards SAM-node, the events of the day beginning to catch up with her and making her want to sleep until it didn't hurt anymore.
When she finally reaches SAM-node she notices at once that the door is open and because of that, she can hear Lexi, Liam, and Scott's voices inside but that Scott sounds to have his voice raised. She didn't think they would have told him without her there, but she knew he'd be asking questions and be getting more and more frustrated if they weren't providing him with answers. Cora steps towards the door and spots Scott sat on the edge of his hospital bed that he's been wheeled in on, Lexi stood in front of him trying to keep him calm while she scans him and Liam stood with his arms crossed.
"Sorry, I came as quickly as I could." Cora begins and she notices three pairs of eyes on her when she moves through the door. She sees Lexi give her a sympathetic smile and that Liam lowers his eyes to his feet, but a large smile appears on Scott's face when he sees her.
"Maybe you can tell Scott to settle down." Lexi begins and Cora gives her a light smile when she hears Scott huffing and watches him trying to get up off of the bed, only to be pushed back down by Lexi. "He is not being a very good patient." She adds making Cora smile again.
Cora moves further into the room and towards the bed, feeling Scott's eyes following her as approaches him and she notices that he looks past Lexi and to her. She could tell he wanted answers and was hoping she was going to be providing them, she can also see that he is desperate to get off of the bed and close the space between them.
"Because no one will tell me what's going on." Scott huffs again and Cora can see how fed up he looks and that his eyes meet hers. "Why am I here? Where's Alec? What happened on Habitat 7?" He asks and she knows he is ignoring Lexi and Liam now knowing they aren't going to tell him.
"Scott.." Cora begins, not even knowing what to say next and how she was going to tell him. "Do you think you could give us a minute?" Cora whispers and glances at Lexi who nods and steps away from Scott, and then to Liam who also gets the message and moves towards the door.
"Have you been crying?" He begins. "Are you okay?" Scott asks and she watches as Lexi moves out of the way and follows Liam out of the door. "Are you hurt?" He adds and she sees him quickly lower his feet to the floor now that he's able to step closer to her. "I thought something had happened to you." He sighs and she feels him lift both of his hands to her cheeks, his blue eyes on her face.
"I'm okay." Cora whispers, feeling it hard to speak when she just sees concern for her on his face. "Scott.." Cora sighs, closing her eyes when she feels the tears again. "It's Alec." She whispers as she opens her eyes, seeing the concern being replaced by confusion.
"What about him?" Scott replies and she is sure he must know by the hurt on her face. "Cora, please tell me." Scott whispers and she lifts her hands to place over his on her face, feeling his eyes fixed on her.
"He didn't make it." Cora whispers and she sees Scott's eyes widen in surprise when he hears her words. "I'm so sorry." She adds as he shakes his head lightly as he doesn't believe it. "There was nothing I could do.." She nods, waiting for an outburst or reaction from Scott that doesn't come.
"I don't know what to say." Scott whispers and she feels him lower his hands from her face and that he rests them on her shoulders and squeezes her gently beneath his palms. Cora decides he must be in shock from his reaction. "What happened?" Scott asks and she feels his eyes on her again.
"The explosion that almost killed you both," Cora whispers and she sees that Scott nods. "He knew those helmets weren't right.." Cora continues and lowers her eyes from him, she feels Scott lift his hand to her chin and divert her attention back to him. "He picked you." Cora whispers and hears Scott's sigh at her words and sees that he looks upset.
"I'm sorry." Scott sighs. "I know how much you wanted to be Pathfinder." Scott continues, making her own eyes widen when she hears his words and her stomach drop. "I didn't know he'd picked me instead of you." He adds and she sees his confused expression when she pulls back from him.
"He made you Pathfinder?" Cora asks, her eyes on Scott's face and she can't help but let out a quiet sob when she sees him nod again. She lifts her hands to her face, covering it so to not show him how hurt she is feeling. "Why would he do that?" Cora mumbles, feeling a surge of disappointment and upset run through her body when she realises she has lost Alec and her dream of following in his footsteps. "Why would he do this to me?" Cora whispers, lowing her hands and seeing that he looks concerned for her again.
"I don't know.." Scott sighs and she notices he closes the space between them again and she feels him cautiously place his hand on her arm. "I'm sorry." He adds making her nod and lower her eyes when she can hear that her reaction has upset him too. "You know I don't want this." He sighs and she feels him in front of her and that he places both of his hands on her arms. "Can't we transfer it to you?" Scott asks making her shake her head and keep her eyes from his.
"It doesn't work like that." Cora whispers. "You'd have to die." She adds and is sure she hears a quiet laugh from him. "I really don't want that to happen." She sighs and feels him take that as an invitation to lightly wrap his arms around her waist and move his head to rest against the side of hers.
"I don't either." Scott sighs when she lets herself relax into his arms and against his chest, immediately feeling better for being close to him. "I know it probably feels like you've lost everything," Scott whispers as she rests her head against him and wraps her arms around his waist. "But, I'm still here, Cora." Scott adds and she feels him hugging her tighter.
"I know." She nods, feeling how relieved she feels that they are both alive and together. Even if she knows it is short-lived and she has to tell him the truth about being unfaithful to him with Alec. "I don't know what I'd have done if I'd lost both of you." She whispers and feels him stroking her back.
"Well, Alec didn't let that happen." Scott begins and she feels him loosen his hold on her and lift his hand to her chin again, directing her face towards his so she can look into his eyes. "He wanted us to be together. I know this isn't what you wanted, but he must have had a reason." Scott nods and she sees him give her a small smile.
"You're right." Cora sighs. "I trusted Alec, and I have to trust that he made this decision for a reason." She sighs. "He made sure we still had each other." She whispers and tries to return his smile, but doesn't manage it very well.
Cora feels him holding her tight against his chest, doing whatever he can to comfort her and it makes her heart ache that she has betrayed his trust. Here he was being so quick to support her when she knew deep down he was hurting too, she knew she couldn't lie to him anymore. She knew she needed to tell him what had happened and that she'd been considering being with Alec again, and maybe while he was already receiving bad news would be the best time rather than waiting till he'd started to recover from all of this and dealing him with another blow.
"I love you." Scott sighs and she feels him pressing a soft kiss against the side of her head, letting herself enjoy what could be the last moments in his arms before she let him know how much she has ruined everything for them both.
"I need to tell you something," Cora whispers and feels him nod and wait for her to continue, she places her hands on his sides. "I know that this is such bad timing.." She adds and hears him sigh.
"Cora?" Scott whispers making her stop what she was about to tell him and look into his face. "This has been a really shit day.." He sighs and she feels him stroke her cheek. "Can I just kiss you and forget about this for a while?" She sees him give her a small smile.
"I'd like that." Cora smiles lightly and sees him nod before he dips his head to kiss her softly, wrapping her tightly in his arms as he does. She sighs against his lips when she slides her arms around his neck and he deepens their kiss until she notices that Scott's attention goes to the doorway behind them when they both hear footsteps and that they are no longer alone.
"Oh, I'm sorry.." Lexi begins as she approaches them and Cora feels Scott remove his mouth from hers and unwrap his arms from around her and lower them to his sides. "I didn't mean to interrupt." She adds and Cora glances over her shoulder at her, seeing her look confused.
"You aren't interrupting.." Cora begins and moves to stand beside Scott so she can see Lexi. "We are supposed to be on duty." She adds and glances at Scott who gives her a small smile.
"Scott didn't tell me.." Lexi begins and she sees her frown lightly. "I had no idea you two were together." She adds and Cora knows a million questions are running through Lexi's mind right now about her and Alec, and she notices Lexi's eyes fix on Scott. "Scott, I'm afraid I need to borrow you." Lexi nods. "Captain Dunn wants to see you." Lexi motions her head towards the door of SAM-node.
"Okay." Cora hears Scott reply and looks into his face and notices that he is suddenly looking overwhelmed. "Can you come too?" He adds and she feels his eyes on her.
"I think Cora needs to get some rest." Lexi begins and Cora notices that Scott nods and wraps his arms around her tightly again as if to say he agrees. "You've been through a lot Cora," Lexi adds and she feels Scott carefully unwrap his arms from around her, forgetting altogether that she was about to tell him something.
"I know." Cora nods and notices that Lexi is examining her as only a Doctor can. "If I can ever rest again." She whispers and feels Scott's eyes on her and then that Lexi begins tapping at her Omni.
"Don't worry." Lexi smiles. "I've got something for that and we have a few days until we'll be arriving at the Nexus. That should give us all enough time to rest." She adds Cora notices that she glances at Scott. "I'm afraid yours will have to wait Pathfinder Ryder." Lexi adds and Cora feels Scott tense at her side.
"I'll never get used to that." Scott sighs and Cora feels him lean towards her a kiss her cheek gently making her smile at him never being afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve and have people know it. "Get some rest." He whispers and she feels his eyes on her.
"I will." Cora nods and reaches for his hand, despite her hurt still able to smile when she feels him take hold of hers and feels him squeeze it tightly twice, and she does the same in return knowing he is telling her he is thinking about kissing her. "I love you." Cora whispers and notices he glances at Lexi and then back at her.
"I love you, too." Scott smiles and she feels him lean closer and kiss her softly, their kiss lasting longer than it should in company. "Everything will be okay." He whispers as he kisses her again.
"I know." Cora sighs and reluctantly lets go of him. "You'll do great, Pathfinder Ryder." She adds and sees him nod slightly.
"Don't worry." Lexi begins and Cora looks at her. "I'll keep an eye on him." She adds and Cora nods, knowing she was very unlikely to be seeing Scott very much over the next few days, and that he was about to be dragged into the world of being The Pathfinder.