Chapter III: The Alien Invasion of London
The Doctor and his companions Raz and Wilf were in the TARDIS, and were all having a good time. Raz and the Doctor went ouff together to have some "alone tiem" and Wilf went and did adorable Wilf stufg, until they finally reached the destination the Docytor had set for the TARDIS.
The Doctor said – It's a good thing we had that backup Yaz to take with us to the Ghost Monumant planet, after the first onw went and fell to her death.
Wilf said – Yes, but bnow that one's dead too. Do we have another backup Yaz?
Raz said – Fuck Yaz and fuck bacup Yaz! Both of the two diffetent Yazs were stupuid and annoying and I didn't like them, so let's forget about them!
Wilf said – Okay.
The Doctor said – Okay anyway guys we're here, you shits! Come on out, and let's see what's going on at this place today!
Raz said – I'd go anywhere with you Doctor hecause you're cool and so am I and Wilf si so cute.
Wilf said – I can't wait to see me some honky alien fuckers!
Then they all stepped outside and they found themselves in London Engald, in the year 2020.
Wilf said – Woah! It's 2020! The year we came from! We're back here! But I thought you would have taken us to later, Doctor so e fifdn't have to deal with the evil sickenss goinging aroundthe world?
The Doctor said – The sickness isn't real, Wilf. It was a ll a evil plan by your government to trick and control people. They used bad magic to bring the sickness into existence.
(This is because govenrments are bad and they try to control you and stuff and you shouldn't usually litke them because they're dumb and stuff and the BBC is loike the government, and you shouldn't like them either because they fired Verity Lambert the creator of Doctor Who and they killed William Harntlel and they destroyed all the old msising elpisdoes because the SJW.)
Wilf said – Oh, that makes sense. Screw the government, and screw the queen!
The Doctor smiled and said – I already have.
Just then, a man who lioked like Ed Sheeran walked up to them, and said – Hello there guys! It's me, Ed Sheeran! I sang the popular song Shape of Water, and I'm so cool and stuff! Everybody likes me and I want to be your new companion please Dcotor, can I?
Raz yelled – I fucking hate Ed Sheeran! He's so fucking stupid I just want ot plow him up with time powers!
Wilf said – He is a bit of a prick, isn't he, Doccy?
The Doctor stood for a moment, looking unsiure, then walked up to Ed Sheeran and said – Tell me, Ed, why do you want ot be my companion?
Ed Sheeran said – Because I have always been a fan of Doctor Who and IB think it's cool to be your companion and trvel through space and see dead history people and stuf. Please?
Just then, the Doctor used his Venusian akido and snapped Ed Sheeran's neck.
Raz said – Yes! You killed him! No more Eed Sharen jazz music!
Wilf said and pointed at the Zygon – That's not Ed Sheeran! That's one of them Zygon asshioles!
Raz and the Doctor looked and saw, it was a Zygon asshole!
The Doctor said – I kniew it wasn't the real Ed, because this one had a hand sticking out of his facem and the real Ed dosesn'y.
Wilf said – Oh that's a good point, Doc.
Then, suddwnly, all of the Zygons began to run into the place around the shops and everything in London, and the Doctor and Raz and Wilf started running to stop them and stuff because theh Zygons are bad.
Wilf said – Why are they attscking, ehen in the Zygon two aprter story in series nine they became good?!
Raz said – Because they're aliens, and aliens are always evil! You can't trust any of them to come to the place you live and be good, because all aliens are bad!
And then Raz ran ovet to her police car and got in and started running the Zygons over.
The Doctor said – Raz is right, Wilf, jut like she always is! Aleins that are illegal, or even legal, are always bad for a place and never do good stuff and always betray you in the end and stuff and now the Zygons are evil criminals who will kill everyone if we don't murder them first.
Wilf said – You don't have totell me twice sunshine! I've always wanyed ot kill me some illegal laoens!
Then Wilf got out a knife and started stabbing the Zygons, while the Doctor went around shooting them with his sonic gun.
Then, all of a sudden, the Zygons used their shape changing powrs to turn into living guns! They statted all firing at the Doctor and Wilf and Raz, and Raz's police car got hit and flipped through the air and exploded, but instead of Raz dying she jumped out of it and it hit some Zygons and killed them instead.
Raz said – What do you get when you crosss a super awesome trained gymnast police cop kung fu master martial arts expert science smart person, with a car that gets shot and explodes?
The Doctor knew the answer and so, as he pointed his sonic gun at a Zygon, he said – You get what you FUCKING DESERVE!
And then the Doctor shot the Zygon and it exploded everywhere (like in that cool movie Joker which is so awedomenand stuff). And then the Doctor, Wilf, and Raz just kept stabbing and shooting and slicing and punching the Zygons until they all died and stopped being guns, and then all of the people of the town of London all cheeared saying – Hurrah! Hurrooh! Huzzah for Doctor Who and his fucking hot companions!
Wilf said – Did all of London just call me fucking hot?
The Doctor smiled and said – Yes, yes they did Wilf. And you know what? They're right.
With that the Doctor leened over and tenderly planted a kiss on the adorable old man's brissly cheak.
Raz said – Hey! What about me, Doctor?
Then, the Doctor and Raz started kissing and doing other stuff in the middle of the city with all of the people cheering and laughing as, the Zygon bodies started ot be cleaned up by all of the evil prisoners of London who were sent out of prison to do commnuoity service or something.
Then Alison Chaney walked up and said – Oi! Doccy! Is so good ta see ya again, ol man! How you been since the last time we was traveling to gather?
The Doctor said – Oh hello, Alison Chaney, my old friend companion from when I was the Chakra Doctor and traeled with he robo master and you! I am good, how are you doing?
Alison said – I am good.
Then the Dcotor and Raz went back to what they were doing and Alison Chanet left. (And if you don't know who she is than obviously you haven't watched the Scream of the Chakra and don't kbow anything sbout old days doctor who and are a fake fan! So I weill not beother explaining who she is or why she is here to you, becsuse you don't deserve to know it and if you hafe seen the Chakra Doctor episode nefpore than you know that stuff already.) Afterwards, Wilf said – Well Doc, what now? Is this where we say goodbye?
Looking into Wilf's eyes, the Doctor could tell that Wilf did not want to be saying goodbye, because he was starting to cry and also the Doctor was psychopathic and could read Wilf's thoughts and see that he was thinking he did not want to say goodbye. Then, the Doctor hugged Wilf and said – No, no, no! This is not the goodbye, Wilf! We are traveling now always together! You and Raz and me and the TARDIS, forever and ever stopping the alien bastards and doing time travel shit!
Taking the Doctor's hand, Raz said – Now come on sexy, we've got work to do.
And with that the Doctor and Raz and Wilf walked over to the TARDIS and got in, but right before the Doctor stepped in, a man who looked like Garth Roberts (AKA the awesome Doctor Who and Sara Jan show writer who created the awesome Tricker guy with no face and other cool stuff) walked up and said to the Doctor – Hello, Doctor. You havernt met me before,e but I know you and I came to say to you that this is the world that should be because the world I came from has the CHinbanl episodes in it and Chibnall is bad and Jodi Shhiittaker is bad and they have been ruining youre like for a few years now!
The Doctor said – Oh fucking no!
Garth Roberts said – And so to stop that form ever actually happening and to stop you from regenerating or renewing (aka the original name for regenrtation from the Harntlel years of the old days version of the show from like the 1940s) and turning into a woman, you must now go on a super awedome but super difficult and long and cool quest to stop that from happening! And only by doing the quest and winning and stuff can you stop that from happening, and keep yourself and everything in this world from becomins stupid and the SJW stuff! So will you go on quest, please?
The Doctor said – Hm. I do nut now.
Garth Roberts said – Please! Please! Do it! You have to do it!
The Doctor said – Well then in that case, okay. I will doit.
Garth Roberts said – Good, thank you Doctor! Have a good quest and win and stuff!
And then, all of a sudden, thwrw was a loud noise and Garth Roberts looked up and said – Oh, that's my ride. I have to go bye!
And then before the Doctor could see what was happening, Garth Roberts flew up into the air, into a flying saucer that had another very cool and special person in it, and then they left and the Doctor said – I wonder who was flying that flying saucer?
And then the Doctor turned around and got in the TARDIS and went and had sax with Raz for like the fifteenth time that day. After they were done, the Doctor said to Wilf – Wilf, I am afraid. I have found out recently that I am going to tegenrate into a woman and I don'tw ant to do that and so I have to go on this quest and stuff to stop that from happening. But I am scared to go on the quest because it could be mean and scary to me and I don't like that and also there are probably the SJWs there somewhere along the way and I will have to see and fight them and I don't like to do that because they are stoipid and I stry to not go near them because they are so smelly and bliotaigr. What do you think I should do my strusted beloved freidn and companionwho I love so fearly as a freidna nd not in any other way because youa re mt bestest friend?
Wilf said as the Doctor hugged him – I think you should go on the quest and if you see any SJWs, use the TARDIS to bleuegon them to death! Just smack it right into them over and over untul they die! Who wants to be a woman anywaty/? They stink!
The Doctor said – Thank you Wife,I am so happy to here this and I will do that because you have given me strength and curage and stuff. Thank you.
Then Raz walked in and said – Hey guys, who's up for punching some puppies?
The Doctor asaid – Fuck yea! I hate fucking puppy bastrerds!
Then they al went and punched some evil puppies and the Dcotro decided he defitantely would go on the quest because he did not want to be a woman.