It is said that the ghosts of the Air Nomads still haunt their temples. Perhaps that is why Azula, long haunted by the voices in her head, could venture into the cities of the dead and emerge with a new sense of purpose. Perhaps if I had seen the fields of sun-bleached bones, I would have understood sooner the terrible necessity of the scouring to come.
The door to the Sanctum had opened immediately after. They could have left the temple at any time. But there were final matters that had to be attended to.
Azula didn't know what funerary rites looked like among the Air Nomads. It was possible that the knowledge was lost forever. When she shouted into the open air for an answer, none came. Perhaps they were already at peace, that someone cared enough to try.
There was no soil to bury them up in the mountains. After scouring the temple, the four could not find anything resembling a catacomb. Only some old books and scrolls, precious few written in hànzì. So Azula decided to make an ossuary for the slain Air Nomads in the chapel where Gyatso's body lay.
After cleaning out the corpses of the Fire Nation soldiers, they collected the bones and clothing of the slain Air Nomads and laid them into neat piles by type, arrayed around Gyatso's body still in repose. It was morbid, bitter work, but it was the only final rest they could give them. The mountain air remained hauntingly silent throughout the work.
They were done by nightfall. Suki set up camp in one of the intact rooms of the temple proper while Katara and Sokka foraged. Azula attended to the final matters of the dead Fire Nation soldiers that were left behind. By midnight, their remains had been stacked high on a pallet of scrap wood.
Azula worked through dinner, well past when the rest of the group had gone to sleep. All offers of help were refused. This matter was her responsibility alone and she would not let anyone else's hands be sullied by the disposal of the dishonored dead.
Katara arrived shortly after Azula had lit the pyre, interrupting the princess's meditative control of the fire. She sat next to Azula, a wool blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Katara's hair was down, and her eyes were still heavy with sleep.
"Katara," Azula sighed, "I should do this alone."
"No, you really shouldn't. Yesterday was a really heavy day for you most of all, and you don't have to bear that alone."
Azula tutted, "It's still 'today' for me."
"Fair. There's at least three things you don't want to talk about."
"Yeah, glad we settled that."
"I'll make you a deal. We can talk about one of them, and leave the rest for later."
The pyre blazed blue as Azula huffed. "There's really no dissuading you, is there?"
"So which will it be? You self-harming, Aang telling you that you'll be the last Avatar, or how you've resolved to destroy the Fire Nation."
"Well, aren't you perceptive," Azula said. She turned back to the pyre, watching the bones split and crackle in that azure agony. "Who said anything about destroying my country?"
"I know you well enough now to know that you never do anything by half-measures. Something changed in you here. You threw away your birthright like it was nothing."
"You're right of course," Azula admitted. "And of all the things, I'm least ready to talk about turning traitor for real."
Azula winced as Katara pressed a hand into her belly. "Then we're going to talk about this."
"I…I'm not ready."
"You can't keep hurting yourself, Azula. It breaks my heart."
Azula stared into Katara's ocean-blue eyes with wide-eyed shock.
"If you won't talk about it, then let me see it. Take off your shirt."
Azula grumbled but she complied. After removing her vest and undershirt, Azula set them aside. The cold night air kissed her skin. It felt like she was cooking in front, facing the pyre, and freezing on her back.
Katara frowned as she examined the angry red line across Azula's chest. "You are so infuriating. You cauterized it so I couldn't heal it, didn't you?" Katara took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be judging you, after you trusted me. Just tell me why."
Azula looked away and pulled a knee tight to her chest, like she was half-hiding from Katara's stare. "I was an impudent child, and my father used this to teach me discipline and shame. It worked, I suppose, but not like he intended. That's the part they don't tell you, how pride and shame exist in equal measure."
"I think it worked exactly like he intended. You are ruthless with yourself. It would almost be endearing if you didn't hold people to equally high standards."
"I suppose you're right. I decided today that my greatest shame was ever believing in him to begin with. One last ritual, for old time's sake, before I close the book on it."
Katara clasped Azula's hand. "Promise me."
Nodding, Azula clasped her other hand over Katara's. "I promise."
The sound of shoes crunching on gravel and cobblestone came behind them. Suki walked into the light, still half-asleep. "Huh, I thought you were going to wait 'til morning to–" Her eyes latched onto Azula stripped to the waist, holding Katara's hand as she gave deep, meaningful looks. "-oh I see, sorry to interrupt you kids."
Katara groaned, "Suki, shut up, that's not what this is about."
Suki's words said, "I believe you," but her nodding catlike grin said she most certainly did not believe Katara. Suki retreated out of the light, giggling.
The next morning, Azula was roused out of bed still bleary from lack of sleep. But she still trudged through the morning routine of grooming, making breakfast, tending to the camp, and foraging. After returning from a sojourn to gather a pail of water and sling of firewood, Sokka greeted her outside
Azula stopped mid-stride. "We are not having this conversation."
"Oh yes we are," he smirked.
"Then you're carrying this." She dumped the water and firewood in his hands, and started rushing back to camp.
Sokka caught up anyway. "We're going to keep doing this 'til you admit it."
"Can't admit to something that's not true."
"Oh come on, you really going to pretend we can't all see how you two look at each other."
Azula turned and slapped Sokka across the cheek. "Do not speak about me like I'm some lust-filled beast. Or your sister, for that matter!"
"Geez, you really are tightly wound, aren't you."
"I know you're a dreadful horndog even as far as males go, but some of us have self-discipline."
"Sounds like you're afraid of admitting your feelings and desires more than anything."
"Don't you dare–"
"-I'm not judging you Azula. I'm just saying…look this is a heavier conversation than I wanted to have. I kid around about this, like most things, but really all I'm trying to say is that I trust you to be good to my baby sister. She cares about you immensely. No hard feelings?"
Azula whispered, "I care about her a lot too. And that's all that I'm going to say. I'm not unpacking my baggage on your schedule, Sokka."
The rest of the morning went smoothly. As well as living in someone else's tomb can go, really. They took turns going off in pairs to explore more of the ruins. Azula suspected it was more about having privacy to talk after having spent so much time packed together. Azula and Suki were holding down the camp now. Suki was making a light lunch of onigiri, filled with some of the leftovers from dinner, while Azula tried–and failed–to nap away some of the exhaustion of her very late night tending the funeral pyre.
When Azula growled and finally packed up her bedroll, she settled in by the little hearth and helped herself to some of the tea Suki was keeping hot by the fire.
Suki grinned, "Late night, huh?"
"We're not having this conversation," Azula said, slurping her too-hot tea.
"Look, I get it. Admitting you like girls is hard, and it must be even harder in the Fire Nation."
Azula groaned like a bear. "Katara is my friend, Suki. The first one I've made since I was a child."
"You've grown very close. And this isn't a bad thing! You can have friends who you also are attracted to, or have romantic feelings for."
"I have the same relationship with Katara as I used to have with Mai and Ty Lee." Azula tried to say it casually, almost dismissively. But something broke in her small heart when she said it.
"Maybe you had feelings for them too. You must miss them terribly."
Azula started to protest, but her mouth hung open and the words wouldn't come. She didn't think too much about them anymore, not because she didn't care. But because she felt herself so overcome with grief when she did.
Azula had to force herself to eat, pushing past the nausea of sorrow. Suki filled the quiet with little stories about back home as they ate. Azula only nodded along. It did little to ease the homesickness, but it relieved any pressure on Azula to say anything, and for that alone she was thankful for Suki's droll little stories.
Katara and Sokka returned just in time for Suki to begin telling the tale of when she'd humbled Sokka by forcing him to wear the regalia of the Kyoshi Warriors when he'd come kowtowing to her to apologize for being a chauvinistic little boy. Sokka tried his best to stop Suki, but his attempts at putting her in a headlock and covering her mouth resulted in a wrestling match that Suki won.
It was amusing enough to elicit a giggle from Azula. If Sokka minded losing, he certainly didn't show it. Suki finished her story while she had Sokka face down on the tile, locked in an armbar.
After lunch, Sokka broached the subject of what to do next. The group quickly came to an agreement that there wasn't enough daylight left to make it worth it to begin the descent, so they would stay one more night in the temple before returning. Azula sat out on the conversation, shuffling away from the campfire. She busied herself fidgeting with some Earthbending practice. But she listened intently.
When Katara broached the subject of returning to Kyoshi Island, Suki interrupted. "Actually, I want to see you safely to the North Pole."
Sokka swallowed his mouthful of rice. "Well, I'd be happy to have you. But I know how important your country is to you and how many people depend on you. I just…I don't want you to do anything for us you'd ever regret." Katara nodded in agreement.
"That's the thing, Sokka," Suki said, hand on heart, "The only thing I could ever come to regret is not going. Katara…you are the last, best hope for your people. And the princess; she's the one the whole world has been waiting for. This is bigger than my island. If I sat this one out, and either of you were killed, I'd never forgive myself."
Suki looked over her shoulder at Azula. "There's a whole world out there that's been crying, begging for a sign that the sun will still rise on their children. You're that hope, Azula. Seeing you to the journey's end will be the most important thing that I'll ever do."
Three sets of eyes gazed at her. Something bitter tugged at Azula's heart. The momentary glimpse of a life unburdened by the great expectations of others was ending. But, she had to admit, if there was one person prepared for this burden, it was her. She'd been groomed to be royalty from birth. It wasn't much of a step further to messiah.
Katara added, "I know it has been a terrible journey to get here, Azula. But I've not felt hope like this since I was a little girl. Wherever you go, I'm with you."
Sokka shrugged. "It's not like I'd let my baby sister do this alone. And you're alright in my book."
Azula took the stones she'd been fidgeting with and bent them into stone cups, polished to mirror smoothness. She set the four saucer-shaped cups by the hearth. "Suki, if you would do the honor."
Suki grinned. "I should have just enough soju left." She poured three measures of the liquor before handing the bottle to Azula to pour the last. "It's bad luck to pour your own glass."
Azula sat seiza by the hearth and poured the last drink. After handing the rest out, she raised her cup and said, "I can't promise you I will save the world. I confess, I don't even know what that means. I've spent my whole life burning, and a part of me fears I don't even know what it means to save, let alone build something better. But I do promise that I will never abandon any of you or your hopes. Amara rahdi!"
"Wansui," echoed Suki.
"Tui's blessings," said Sokka.
After they drank the toast, Azula smashed her cup into the fire. When they stared at her dumbfounded, she shrugged and said, "It's for good luck."
The other three cups were soon smashed. The stone sizzled and popped on the hot coals. The gentle rustlings of the fallen leaves outside the hut reminded Azula of the sound of children laughing. It was a far off dream, a part of her life left behind so long ago. But as she turned to her smiling companions, she wondered if perhaps someday it would return.
Azula decided to join Sokka on another sojourn around the temple after lunch. As Azula would soon discover, Sokka was an avid ice climber, and he put those skills to work clambering into places Azula believed the Air Nomads intended to only reach by flight. Azula did her best to keep up with his pace, but he had years of experience on her.
Sokka took the lead on the sheer cliff face on the far side of the temple. It was their last day here, and he wanted to see what was in the other temple spire before he risked never seeing the temple again. It was not a trek that he should have been taking a beginner on, even one so physically adept.
The fear was constant and familiar, like an old friend caressing the back of Azula's neck. The surface was rough enough that Sokka hadn't needed to drive too many pitons into the cliff face. But it was also hundreds of feet to the next ledge. Vertigo swept over Azula after she looked down for too long. She clutched tighter to the rock, shivering in the cold winds.
The line tied to her belt tugged. Azula looked up and found Sokka clinging to a crevice with one hand, beaming down at her. "What's the matter, princess? Did they not teach this at the Royal Academy."
One step at a time. Sucking in air through her teeth, Azula clambered up several more handholds in a quick burst. "Keep that up, and I'll dress you up in a pretty little yukata and have you find out for yourself."
Sokka grimaced. "Wasting no time getting some mileage out of that story, huh?"
Azula found a more comfortable spot to hang from, one where she wasn't hanging on just by her toes. "You should be proud. Not many men look so pretty in a dress and make up."
Sokka laughed uneasily. "And how would you know?"
"Suki said so." Faint red colored Sokka's cheeks. It wasn't exertion, it hadn't been there a moment before. Azula smiled like a tiger waiting to leap. "I see…"
"I didn't say anything."
"Not with your mouth."
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Sparky. Less talking, more climbing."
"Sparky?"
"You know, like fire and lightning. Sparks. So Sparky."
Azula growled. "You do not get to give me pet names, peasant."
"You really want to be taunting the guy anchoring you? I thought nobles like you went to school to be smart."
"Whatever, keep climbing," Azula said with a huff. She joined him at his anchor point. It was a small ledge in the cliff almost big enough to stand flat on, with decent grab points at head height. She relaxed an inch, feeling the tension in her legs start to ease.
"One more jaunt and then we're in. See you in a few, princess." Sokka said, all too close. His breath smelled like smoked fish. It sent a frisson of panic through Azula as she wondered how she must smell, having spent so long in the wilds, eating preserved foods and wild game.
The last leg of the climb had sloped away from the vertical to about seventy degrees. Sokka made short work of it, clambering up the rough and pitted surface like a mountain goat. The sharp edges and unweathered texture to the rock here, Azula guessed, were probably because a chunk of the cliff had been broken away not long ago.
Sokka disappeared over the ledge. His voice rang out soon after. "Hey, Azula, you've got to see this!" The line went taught. "I've got you tied off, climb up the rope."
The rope made the final stretch much quicker. Azula blitzed up the rope in a kipping motion, balancing off the cliff face with her feet. When she reached the ledge, Sokka extended a chalky hand to pull her over. After a breather, she coughed out "What's the rush, the temple isn't going anywhere–"
Azula saw two sets of beady eyes peeking around the corner. These creatures were a little over hip high, covered in fuzzy cream-colored fur. Two little nubs stuck out from their temples. The hair on the forehead was colored in a rough arrow pattern, one red, the other brown. They started to creep out a bit further as Sokka knelt down to make himself less imposing. Azula copied him, and the two furry creatures tip-toed their way over.
They had six legs and trotted forward in an awkward gait, trailing a broad, flat tail behind. "I've never seen anything like it. What do you think it is?" asked Sokka.
"It's a sky bison. I've only ever seen drawings, they're supposed to be extinct. Since Sozin's time," she said, eyes downcast. The brown-arrowed one came to Azula unhindered by her ancestral guilt, nuzzling into her open palm.
"Aww, he likes you."
A loud, heavy weight thudded on the stone behind them. It growled, and Azula remembered how big adult flying bison were. "Don't make any sudden moves, Sokka." Teeth chattering, he nodded.
Azula slowly turned on her heel, hands down. The angry bison growled again and stomped closer. It was twice the size of a komodo-rhino at least, and menaced her with its long horns as it bared its broad teeth. She saw a second one hovering nearby to cut off their escape.
The one growling at her looked middle-aged, its fur grizzled with silver streaks in the brown patches. It inched closer, and suddenly the growling stopped. It tilted its head and gave an almost human forlorn frown. It grunted excitedly, and then licked her from toe-to-head, knocking her down. Blinking and quite beside herself, a word came from her mouth all its own. "Appa?"
Appa grunted and nuzzled her.
The memories came flooding in and Azula knew why she knew him. Years spent crossing the earth fighting and evading the Fire Nation. Meeting him when he was a little cub here in the Southern Air Temple. Nights spent cuddled up next to him on starry nights, Yesui curled up next to Azula-as-Aang.
Azula wondered how it was possible to miss someone she'd never known. But she missed Appa all the same, and the name Yesui and her smiling face filled her heart with a terrible longing. But it went as quickly as it came, and Azula couldn't even remember what Yesui's face looked like. But the name still stuck in her heart like an arrowhead.
"You know this shaggy beast?" Sokka said.
"Yeah. Not in this life though. Appa was Aang's best friend, his animal companion. And you're still alive, you made it away safely my old friend." Azula supposed this warm feeling in her belly that tugged her lips into a smile was what happiness felt like. Instinctually, she scratched behind Appa's ears.
Appa grunted something, and somehow she seemed to understand what it all meant. "I know old friend, you must've been terribly worried. And now that I've shown up with this new face, it must break your heart."
Appa grunted again, leaving Sokka further bewildered.
"I wish you could come with. But you have a family now. It's okay, I know you did your best."
Appa howled and Azula felt the wind rustling around the spire as more flying bison descended. Appa flew up to commune with them, leaving Azula and Sokka with the two infant bison. "I'm still lost," Sokka said.
"I was too. But I think he kept looking for me. After I got captured. Until he found his people. Who needed him. And it broke his heart, but he looked after the scattered wild bison, and shepherded them back to here. Protected them and gave them families again." Azula wiped a tear from her eye. "He would have made Aang proud."
Sokka said quietly. "He's not gone. He knows. You know that right?"
"Yeah…it's just not easy sharing your head with another lifetime. Being him but also not being him. Damn it…it's confusing, it wracks my brain just thinking about it. It's the mystery at the heart of everything, and every new thing I learn just makes it harder."
"Maybe it's not something to be solved, Azula. It's a life to be experienced. You can't pick it apart and understand it. Just live it."
They stayed to play with the bison cubs for a bit. The ledge they'd climbed to had once been the landing spot for a flying bison stable. There wasn't much to be found except some old but still functional saddles, and a painted mural that seemed to show, in allegory, the bison first teaching the ancestors of the Air Nomads the secret of Airbending. A secret now lost to the tides of time.
When they went to leave the stable near nightfall, one of the younger adults in the herd nuzzled up against Azula. Appa stood behind the young mare, looking like what a proud father should. The bison nudged her over to one of the saddles.
Pointing at her own chest, Azula said, "You want to come with me?"
The bison nodded.
She knew that sky bison, like all the sage animals, were highly intelligent creatures, but it was quite another thing to see how close to human they could be. With a crooked smile, Azula patted the mare on her arrow. "I guess I'll call you Ikki."
"Ikki?" Sokka asked.
"I don't know, it just came to me. Probably from old memories from Aang." She turned to Appa, "Are you sure about this?"
Appa huffed and nodded.
"It will be dangerous. But you know that already, don't you?"
Appa gave a knowing look, like he'd tried and given up on talking little Ikki out of taking the hero's journey.
"I'll look after her then, old friend."
The ship rolled gently on the high seas. As dusk fell, Ty Lee let herself into the cabin she shared with Mai. Mai sat by the porthole, looking out over the eastern horizon and the wine-dark sea, resting her chin on a pensive hand.
"Were you followed?" said Mai.
"No, I think we're beneath notice now. Honestly, I still don't believe we were actually being tailed at Yu Dao. It could have just been a coincidence."
Mai turned, jaw set. "Ty Lee…our best friend is an enemy of the state. They had a kill-on-sight order posted at customs before we left."
The acrobat clenched her fist but did her best to hold back the tears welling up in her eyes. She forced herself to laugh as she said, "So this is what it takes for you to admit that she's your best friend." The attempt at humor landed like the leaden pit in her belly. Ty Lee slipped into the stool across from Mai. The half-empty mug of tea on the tiny table had long gone cold. "Is there nothing we can do for her? Or do you mean to–" Ty Lee couldn't finish that sentence without actually crying.
Mai sighed. "Of course not. Azula would never betray her country or her father. It might be difficult to tell when she's our princess versus when she's our friend, but she would not have left us unless she had no choice. She would not have killed those men unless they deserved it."
"I believe in her, Mai. But you have to admit it looks bad, four guards having their ashes scattered like that."
"And she's out there on her own now, Ty Lee!" The desperation in Mai's voice felt like being jolted awake. Mai took Ty Lee's hand, her eyes pleading, "There's a conspiracy here, and I feel like Zhao is only the tip of the spear."
"Mai…you're not suggesting that Zuko would do this?"
"No, he might be the only one who we can trust. Zuko would never even think about trying to take the throne dishonorably. There are others who could stand to gain from Azula being out of the way." Mai inhaled sharply, "Like Iroh."
"But he's just a jolly old man, Mai."
"That jolly old man is the Dragon of the West, and the former Crown Prince, til his father passed him over. He's far more clever than he lets on, and he and Azula have seldom got along."
"But they were starting to do better on this expedition."
"Convenient, huh? That said, I have no proof. But there is a definite motive. But there are others who would stand to gain. Like Chancellor Tazon. Not only is he a second cousin to Ozai, there's long been rumors that he seeks to betroth his daughter to Zuko."
"Zeisan? I always hated her at the Academy. She's so unlike her grandmother and namesake."
The mistake that most people made was assuming that Ty Lee was dumb because she was generally bubbly and carefree in demeanor. What she couldn't stand was silent, still contemplation. When the mind moved, the body needed to follow. Mai had grown used to Ty Lee's quirks by now, but still rolled her eyes when Ty Lee started stretching and contorting herself, but the girl found there was no better way to focus her scattered thoughts.
"So if there's multiple people who could be the ringleader, and many possible conspirators," Ty Lee thought aloud as she bent herself into the bow pose, "then we need to focus on the few we think we can trust."
"Exactly."
"Zuko."
"You seem awfully sure of that."
"If there's one person who can be convinced that there's still good in Azula, it's him."
"I know Azula is never one to talk openly about her frustrations unprompted, but it's pretty damn obvious that she's not been on the best terms with her brother. When her father refused to name her Crown Prince on her 14th birthday and declared the matter open–"
"I know, I know. They're fighting each other for recognition and Zuko has a hard time letting go of grudges. But she's still his sister. Do you really think he wants her to be hunted like an animal but lowborn soldiers?"
A thin smile formed on Mai's lips. "I suppose not. Maybe this is for the best. Once we get this conspiracy unraveled, maybe we can go back to the way things were before."
"Azula conspiring to get Zuko to tackle you into the turtle-duck pond?" Mai was mortified at first, but when she started to giggle, Ty Lee joined in. "Though I suppose you're braver now and don't need someone to trick Zuko into some skinship."
Mai sighed. "I've been caught between them for too long. I don't know if he'll even want to see me. But we have to try."