Chapter 6: An Old Enemy With A New Face
Later that day in the TARDIS the Doctor and Raz and Wilf decided they aanted to go on a ntoher adventure, but they didn't know where to go so thw Doctor said – Hey, I have an idea! Let's go see my granddaughter Susan! I left her in the future of the Dalke Invasion, and I said I'd come back but I only ever came back in the audios and books! Let's go and see if we can find where she is now today!
Wilf said – Okay.
Raz said – Sounds like fun to me, saxy Doctor man!
And then Raz grabbed the Doctors sonic screwqwdirver and he blushed a biot but not too much because he was cool and used to dioing sax stuff with Rsz all the time. Then he said – Okay I think Susan is porbaly still in the future, so let's go there.
The Doctor and Raz and Wild went and flew the TARDIS to the furruee and went to where Susan's houise was and then the Doctor used the scanner (which they don't ever use ayymore even though it was really useful in the olden days version of the show and protected then and stuff, snd if the seventh doctor had used it he wouldn't have been shot to death by rthose swedeish opeole in the alleyway in the movie). The Doctor said – The scanner says it is safe to fo outside, so let's go outside you baddass ashole friends!
Rax and Wilf said – Okay let's go, I'm ready to kill some fucking Daleks if we see any.
Then they all went outside the TARDIS and began to walk to Susna's hohse and the Doctor said – I am really worried about this thing that will happein if I doun't stop it. I really don't want to regeratye into a woman because hat would be stupid and the SJW and I don't think my life should be poilitcal at lall. My life was never pokitical before, and for stupid Chibanalal to suddelny make it political is stupid and bsd eriting and shows why the SJWs are bad and why we should hall listen to Nerderotic and Bowlestreek and Healvsthebaby'sface and people like them.
Wilf said – I agree,t hey are smart and stupid Chinball is stupid as a bag of turds.
They found Susan's oseu, then and the Doctor walked up and let himself in and said – It's okay that I'm not nocking, because I didin't nock the other time etiehr in that one audio story where I was the eight Doctor and I tried to stop her from fighting in thr Time War beut then she did fight in the Time Wat anyway.
Raz said – And you havne't seen Susan sinde the Time War have you?
The Doctor said – No I have not, so I hope she is here and okay and didn't die in the Tiem Wat like I used to thinkb before I saved Gallery, buecaause that would stink and make me sad and bebstupid and stuff.
Then they walked in and they saw a note on a table tah said – IF ANYONE STOPS BY, I SUSAN HAVE LEFT MY HOUSE FOR A FEW MIBUTES TO GO TO THE ASDA TO GET SOME STUFF OR MY DINNNER TONIGHT SO DON'T WORRY OR THINK I'M DEAD JN THE TMIME WAR OR SOMETHINGBECAUSE I'M NOT.
The note was singed by Susan, so the Doctor figured it was probably written by Susan. He said – Well that's good to nknwo I'm glad she is saife and even though Asda is a shit store, and shr really hsoul d have gone to Ikea, I am okay with this and happy she si okay.
Wilf said – We should probably just waist her for her to get back now, shouldn't we?
Rax said – That's a fuckin good plan to me, Wilfelet's go and do that.
SO then they all sat around in Susan's living room nd waited and Wilf did cutre wlif stuff and the Doctor and Raz had sax of the couch. Then after a while, they heard the door opening and so the oDoctor said – Oh this must be my randugshter Susan who I love!
But then all of a sudden in walked the doctr's old nemeeis and enemy, Dave rose!
The Doctoe was shocked and said – Dave rose?! What are you dinoing here?! I thought you had died the alat time I was where you were and Missy and Clare were yhere yoo? How are you alive?!
Dave rose laughed and said – Bevuase, my ear Doctor, I am not the samre Dave Rose I am the new Dave rose! And Iam far worse than the old one!
Raz said – Oh yeah? Well esee about that you little rinkly rasian faced bitc!
Then she was abou t to punch Dave rose in the face when a bunch of Dalkes flwew inand said – EXTEMIRNATE!
Raz ahd to jump beind a thing to savew herself, and so did Wilf and so the Doctor wass legt alone againdt Dave rose. He said – Hut who are ou? If you 're mnot the original Dave rose from before than eho were you before you were the new Dave Rose?
Dave ross laugh ed and said – Think about it, mydear sdotor! I am youre grenadufahfter, SUSAN!
The doctor gasped and started crying – What?! No!I+T aths' impossible! You can't be Susan! Aeh was shuh a cgoodl person and nice and not a wrinkly dalrk msn!
Dave Rose laughed and saif – Well wenn I went to the Time war and dufaghte rin it, I got captured yb daleks and turned into the new Davw Rose so the wold have a new leader becuade the original dave rose had been reaten by the nightman child, expect that h was eally off fighting you in the iture because Dalek sack had saved him! And so I was made into tht enew Dave rose,the girl Dave rose,a dn I lef then and we killed a nbunh of leople because the Daleks are good at extmeintaing!
The Doctor cried more and said – No! Susan! How can you have done this I am broken up! Please, I beg of you to be better and not be Dave ross anymore!
Dave rose cackled and said – There is no more Susaun, gradngashger, there is only Dave rose! Now attack, my Daleks!
And then the Daleks attacked and Raz and Wilf and the Doctor attacked them even though the Doctor was crying the whole time, and then the Doctor killed all the Daleks while still crying. Dave rose said – Arg! You killed my Daleks! Curse you, gradfather!
But then all of a sudden Dave Rose used her powers as a timelord Dalek to bring forth more assistant Daleks and said – Ha! You will never kill these Daleks!
Then the Daleks said – EXTERMTINITARE!
And then the Doctor and Raz and Wild murdered these Daleks, by putting nombs on them and Wilf grabbed the head of one and tore it off and Raz went and shot five Daleks in the balls and said – Take that you fucking Dalek bitches!
Then the Daleks said – OH PLEADSE GREWT RAZ DON"R KILL US AND SHOOR OUT BALKS WE ONLY HAVE ONE BAL ESXH AND YOU SHOOT IT WE ALL DIE!
Then Raz said – Tough, you dumbirs!
And then Raz shot them in the bals again a buch of times, until all of the Daleks were dead. Then the Dalctor said – Please, please, oh please Suaan become good again! I forgive you! Iforgive you! Regenrrate! Regnertate! Please!
Then Susan Dave rose said – Ha! Never! I rather to die than be the way you want me to be again, gradgather! I fucking hate you for leabing me in the futurewt o live with stupid David Cameron and fix the fucking earth! I hate fucking the earth!
The Doctoe said – Than I am surroy, but I must kill you Susan!
Susan laughed and said – Go ahead and try you stupid old bith! I'm a nice girl and you need to just accept that I'm the new fucking Dave rose! Got it?
The Doctor was still crying as he pulled out his sonic gun and pointed it at Susan and said – I love you Susan, more than anything, but in the end you are a villain, and I am the man who stops the villains. I. AM. THE. MOTHERFUCKING DOCTOR!
With that, the Doctor fired his sonic gun over and over into Dave rose, jumping dramatically as he did so, and diving to the ground asa the blood flew everywhere in slow motion and Susan screamed – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And the Doctor yelled – I LOOOVVVVEEED YOOOUUUU SUUUUSSSAAAANNNN!
But then at that point, it was too late. Susan was dead.
Wilf said – I am so sorry that this happened to you Soctor.
Raz said – I am also sorry. Susan was a batch, but I still am sooryy for you.
Then, all of a sudden, before anything relse could happen, a group of evil robots burst in! Wilf said – Fuckin blimey! It's the Cybermen!
The Doctor said – No! Not the Cybermen; Cyber Angels!
Because he was right, these were not normal cyhermben they were cybermen that were combine with Weeping angels to be Cyber Angels and so they were like rboticic angels that stomped around and stuff and shot people and moved really quickly when no one was looking and had angel wings and stuff! The Dictor said – We have to kill them now!
Raz said – You don't have to jell me twice!
And then the Doctor and Raz and Wild murdered these Cyber Angles, by putting nombs on them and Wilf grabbed the head of one and tore it off and Raz went and shot five of them in the balls and said – Take that you fucking metal robo rock assholes! I fricking hate you!
And then all of the Cyber Angels were dead so the Doctor said – Well this is good we have killedall of the bad guys that I don'tlike! And I am so sad that my graddaughter is dead for real this time and that she became a n evil fucking Dave rose and was one of the SJW secretly, bur I will get overi it because I still have Blur, and they're awesome, and I still have Raz and I still have Wilf! And I love my Blur and Raz and Wilf, and we will neve eb psrted!
And then the Doctor and Raz and Wilf all hugged and listened to Blur and then they went and gor back in the TAR DIS and Raz said – Hey now that your granddaughter Susaan iss dead and stugf do you want to have post funeral griefivng sdness sax?
And the Doctor said – We are about to bury Susan Dave rose in space, but sure. And then they had socks and then the Doctor and Wil and Raz went and shot the body of Dave rose susan out into space where it floated land exploded into a million tiny dust particules and then the Doctor cried again and then they went on to have more aduvnerues, and the Doctor thought more about how since Susan had turned evil rhat was just another reason why he souoln'dt turn into a woman, because woman time lords were always usually evil like susan and the rani an Darkel and flavia and stuff, and so he shouldn't really do that because he wa s good all of the time, evpct for when eh was the valetard but that wasn't yet. And so he said – I must keep fighting to be a man – for the sake of myself, the universe, Gallery, Earth, and… myself!
Nd then he went and slpet and wtdhed sum Heelvsthebabysface videos and stuff.