Chapter Seven: Son of the Doctor
A while later, the Doctor and Wilf were cuddling while Raz was busy being awsomen, when all of a sudden there was a nocking on the doors of the TARDIS. The Doctor didn't know who it could be so he said to Wilf – I don't know who that cold be. Let's go and see who it is Wilf.
Wilf said – Alright Doc.
Then they went over to the TARDIS doors and opened them and there was standing someone the Doctor recognized but had thought was dead for a long time and so he was shocked and said – What? What? WHAT? How are you here? How are you alive? I saw you die! I made you die!
But the person standing there said – No, Doctor, you did not! Yousee when you tried to lill me I actulal y was ent through a time vortex and found out the great segret you have been hiding! So great a secret that even you, the Doctor, did not know it! You see, Doctor, I am the Borad! AND I AM YOUR SON!
Raz ran up and said – What?! But I'm not pragnenat! How can yhe Doctor have s son!?
The Borad said – Well you see there was a thing where once the Doctor went and got super drunk and stuff, like so frunk he didn't even know whay he es doing snd saying, abd this was back when he awas the tenth Doctor, David Tennet. So he went abd was drunk in the TARDIS and decided he would travel somewhere to have sax because he liked bhaving sax a lot at thiat point and Rose was goine and Martha was not saxy to him for some rteason, and so he went to the planet Saxeroticophaluspatorias an there went to a house of ill respute, and h e went and found this girl and he nd she made a baby togeht ernad that baby was me!
The Doctor was shoced because he didn't remember thidn ever happening but he knoew that it must have because the Borad sai d it idid and it was sort of the kind of wild and crazy and funny thing he didid a lit when he was the tenth ofcotor, and so h3 said – But who ws your mom then?! I don't know who you rmom was!
The Borad looked ar the doctor and said – But you do, dad. Mu mom was the first woman you ever loved, and she loved you too. And thenyou went and left her there and so she went back ro her home planet and had me and got super sad and fat and then she went and camr to Earth and tried to pretend to be a human to find you so she could tell you about me, but then you came and you killleleled her!
The Doctor said – WHAT? WHAT?! WHAT?! WHart was her name?
The Borad said – Her name was thw Abzorballoff, dad.
The Doctor said – But that's impossible! It cannot heb true!
The Borad said – Search youre feelings, dad. You know it is the truth and that I am not telling you a lie!
The Doctor seareched his feelings and decided it was true, so then he said – Okay come in son let's have adevnertures.
The Borad said – Okay cool.
Then they wrnt and they had a bunch of adventures together for a while, anthe Doctor sort of forgot about his quest to not become a girl which was a bad thing because ethat's what the story is really about and is super important because THE DOCTOR HOULDN'T AND NEVER WILLL BE A GIRL NO MMATTTER WHAT THE SJWS AND THE CHINBALLS SAY AND I DON'T CARE THAT JODI IS "TH E THITNEENNTHT DOVYOR" BECAUSE SHE ISN'T. THIS IS THE REAAALL THIRTEENTH DOCOTR AME NOBODY CAN SAY OTHERWISE AND UF THEY DO SAY OTHERWISE THAN FUCK THEM FOR SAYIGB OTHERWISE CAUS THEY'RE WORNG.
Then the Doctor said – Hey rhis is so much fun to have you around son.
Raz said – Yeah, y ou are really cool Borad! And your'e alomsot ass sexy as your dad!
And then Raz and the Borad smiled at each pthe rand she stroked his gace lovoinglu and they kiised and the Doctors aid – Hey, Raz! Dno't go and have sax with my sonm do it whtih me!
And so Raz laufhred and sai d- Okay!
And then Raxz and the Doctor had sazx and the Borad and Wilf ehad fun toghet er dsoing stuff. Later Raz said to the dictor – Hey dictor, when are we going to do the qusdt again? We jneed to make sure you stay a man because eI can't go withyou t your manly maness for any time t all!
The doctor said – Yeah I know, but sometimes I thinkmaybe its important to just stay and have fun with my sont rhe borad, because the Borad is actually a pretty cool guy and he's unfarily hated and not liked and really rhe advuentre I had when I was the fifth Doctor and I met him and threw him into he timelash was pretty iunderated and cool too. I really was wrong when I sa di bback then 'nobody likes you and nobledy wants you Mr. Borad' because I now now that I want and need him and he's so special to me and one day beh can be like me and time travel and fight the monsters and he cool and stuff and maybe he can even regenerate. And then I can go snd be retired and say atuff like good job son! You fight Daleks cool! You kill Cybermen good! Watch out for the Master, caudhse he's an asshole and keeps coming back event hofugh I fucking killikl him all the time! Just stiff like that. That seems good to me, I think.
Raz started to cry a little, not cause she was a hormonall woman or because she wasn't tough or something but just because what the Doctor had said was soo cool and beuatuflgl and movinga dn stuff that it made her cry. And then she said – Wow. I think that is very beuatuifil and I want to be with you then so we can both be retired and have sax while you son saves the day and tneh we can throw parties and stuff for him after like on his hirthday and stuff and we can be a big happy hamilly!
The Doctor said – Okay sound good to me.
Then the Doctor and Raz went to find the Borad and Wilf. When they did, they were over at the stirp club insie the TARDIS (because the TARDIS is so bug that it even has a whole strip culub inside it, and a casino, ando a room filled with like drugs and stuff that the Sdodtor usese all the time because the Doctor think s drugs are cool). When they found them, the Borad said – Oh hi dad and Rax! Wilf and I were just looking at the stirppping and thought it was so col. You want to look too?
The Doctor said – NO thanks, we have to do something else now that's nmore important.
Raz said – No thanks I'm not a Lisbon.
Then Wild said – Okat what is it whtat's important?
Thr Doctor said – Well Wilf and Borad, I and Ra sais that wes houlsbe a happy family and stuff and the Borad can be doing the adventurs and be Borad Who.
The Borad said – Woah! Rlly dad?!
The doctor said – Yes, son, I and your new mom Raz think it is a fucking badass idea.
The Borad said – Oh thanjky ou!
Then he hugged the Doctor and Raz and said – This sis the besrt day of life I everhave!
The n Wilf said – Hey, how about we all go to home now and live there?
The Doctor was not sure what hopme Wilf was talking about, but he said – Okay that's cool.
So then thet all went and the Doctor and Raz and the Borad followed Wilf in the TARDIS to Wilf's hose in the town of England. When the got there the Doctro said – Oh this is the house. I remember this house from when I left Donny here cause she couldn't remmeebr me anymore cause she had Alzheimer's and I thought that was fucking boring and left he.
Wilf said – Yes this is that house.
The Doctor said – Oh that is so fucking cool.
So then thet all wne tin and settled down and had finner and stuff and Raz fixed deliuosu ass pancakes for supper because she was a ducking aweseomn cook and awesdome ar everyrthing, really, exeept for failing. Then they all sat down and had diiner and the Borad said – This sis yummy dinner, thank you step mom!
Raz said – You're so fucking welcome srtep son!
Then Wilf said – Look at aus all here having fun eating dinner together! I am so thiankgul for this loelylu family I have been given!
The Dcotros adi – So am I! After so long of not having any family beaxuse my firs family died and my wives have all died and my daughter Jenny died and my brother Baxixetl Is probably ded for something and my sistes are all dead and stuff and so I do't have any famil y for a hwile, but now I have you all and I am so happy! Even susan is ded and mean and a dave ross and I am still happy ebcuse of you are all here with hme!
The they all smiled and are their dinnners happy and then thet weny and went to slepep in the house while th e TARDIS was outside I the garage or something, and Raz and the Doctor were in the same bed so that they could do sec and stuff, and the Borad was in his onw bed and Wifl was in his own hamoc cause hammoccks are cool and Wilf is cool. Then in the morning rhe Doctor got up and went into the kitchen and gaspeded. He couldn't belie what he was eeeing, but it was already making him cry and scream manly tears and scrams. Because right in from nf him in the kitchen, was th Borad, his son, his life, his hope, his future, his pride, his beloved, dead and all chopped up and skinnenda dn his face was onnt he floor and there aas blood and shit everywhere adnteh Doctor screaaemed – NOOOO!OOOO! WHHHHYYY HAS SOMETHDBOY KILELLED MY ONWLY SON!? I LOVE HIKM SO MMUH CAN HE IS DEAD! NOOO! WHERE IS THE FUCEKE WHO DID THIS/? I WILL FUCKING CUT HIS FUCKING TEETH OUT AND EAT THE FOR THIS!
Then, he heard somebodt say – It was me, Doctor.
And he turned around and loookad and gasped. It was someoneb he knew well, and was shoeked to see there and beig covered and blood and with a knife and stuff and the Doctor said – NO! NOO! HOW COUL YOU D HAVE DONE THIS?! HOW COULD YOU HAVRE KILLLED MY SONNN!? HOOOWWW?!
The person just smiled ands aid – It was the way it ahd to be doctor. Your son, the Borad, had to die. You cared too much about him. And so I killed him and carved him up!
The Dictor said – How you can betrayed me like this/?! I thought you were my granddad?! YOU FUCKING MURDERREDD MY SON, WILLLFFFF!
And it was true. Wilf had murdered the Docotrs, son, the Borad. And now he was smiling, sd the Soctor cried, as all of his hopes for the future adnd a happy life and retirewment died too.