The TV screen flashes a violent blue as a robotic wolf character displayed releases a devastating laser beam from her hands, completely disintegrating the opposing character mid-jump. The scene switches from the collapsed ruins battle area to the victory screen, where the mechanical wolf poses with her cannon arm proudly while her battered-down foe is forced to applaud from the sidelines under a storm of confetti.

"Yes!" Marcel tosses his controller on the table triumphantly, where it lands on a half-eaten slice of pizza. "Get good, loser!"

The loser in question, Desmond, narrows his eyes in irritation, less from his defeat and more from the springbok's obnoxious taunting.

"This game is bullshit." He grumbles, standing up from the couch and letting another ram fill his place. Bucky excitedly trots up from his loveseat and picks up the player two controller.

Marcel scoffs. "Don't hate the game, hate the player. The total crap player."

Leslie lets a sardonic chuckle slip out, not even looking up from his phone. "You truly are undefeated at this game, Marcie. While the rest of us are out having social lives and getting females, you commit yourself to becoming the most skilled Superb Smash Sisters player in the country. We are truly not worthy."

The surrounding herd of bovids laugh in unison, save for the smallest one. He picks up his controller and wipes off the pizza grease underneath."Yeah, yeah… Sore losers, the lot of you. Alright, Bucky, time for me to obliterate you."

"Whatever you say, man." The sable antelope rolls his eyes, kicking his feet up on the coffee table as he picks a character from the selection screen.

The previous loser Jacob sheep snags a cold slice of pizza from the box on the counter. Not bothering to get a plate, he bites down on the tip and skulks over to spectator's couch, where he takes over Bucky's former seat right next to Leslie.

"You'll get him next time, champ." The urial says, playfully rattling his head by the horns.

"Don't patronize me." Desmond growls, pizza still clenched in between his teeth.

"Perish the thought."

"So, how's college treating you?"

Leslie shrugs. "It's decent. Easier than high school, even. I've been seeing this doe, and it's going well."

The sheep's eyes widen. "Wow, good for you. A doe, you said?"

"Yup, white tailed doe. She's in my year. Easy on the eyes."

"What does she think about your horns?"

"Don't worry, she's not an antler snob."

The underclassman takes a final bite of the crust before dusting his hands clean of crumbs. "She better not be. The whole 'horn vs. antler' debate is so pointless anyway. Horns are clearly better."

"Amen. It's not like we shed our horns every year."

The urial ducks down, colliding his curled weapons into Desmond's and whispers something in his ear. "Speaking of, how's your situation with Asfa-Hay?"

The younger ram's expression sags into a miserable gloom. "Well, like I told you before, I left the student council. That should tell you where we stand."

"Yikes." Leslie runs his fingers through his beard. "I was afraid of that. You doing okay?"

"Like… no?"

His senior squirms in his seat uncomfortably. He was really hoping for the piebald ram to be a little less honest. "Okay… That's natural, I guess."

He looks up, then down, then left, then right, then up again. He clears his throat. He wrings his hands. Then he offers the best consolation he can.

"Women be shopping, you know?"

"For fuck's sake, enough."

Leslie rests his head on his palms. "Sorry, I'm not good with this sort of stuff."

"You and every other ram, apparently." Desmond shrugs. "My brother suggested getting a rebound of all things."

The urial tilts his head. "That's a pretty good idea."

"Not you too."

"What better way to get her off your mind?" Without waiting for Desmond to retaliate, he cups his hands around his mouth. "Hey guys, let's set up Four Horns with a female!"

The video game is immediately abandoned, as all the bovids rush to circle around the sweating achromatic sheep.

"About time!" Elmer chuffs. "So Cap is finally ready to get out there?"

Barry smirks. "I've been talking to a couple of gals, I'm happy to share some! They might be a bit too big for you, though."

"As if the Cap needs help..." Marcel simpers. "Any ewe in school would throw herself at him."

"Unless he doesn't want an ewe?" Bucky adds. "Are you into interspecies stuff?"

"Can you guys chill?!" Desmond shouts, launching himself to his feet. "What kind of horny interrogation is this?!"

"We're just trying to help, Cap." Elmer shrugs. "You always have your head in ram fighting, it would be nice if you explored other parts of life."

"How thoughtful." The sheep mutters through gritted teeth.

Leslie, still seated in a relaxed sprawl, raises a brow to look up at the streaming ram. "Come on… It won't do any harm. Rip the bandage off once and for all, you know? It's spring break for chrissakes, and I know you get bored as hell. If you hate it, then at least you'll be justified. And you can say 'I told you so' all year."

"One entire year, can I get that in writing?"

"Signed and stamped, if you want." The urial rolls his eyes. "Just consider it, is all."

The rest of the day is spent discussing each individual male's preferences and types over reheated pizza, but despite the outwards hardheadedness Desmond insists on displaying around his friends, he internalizes their words.

It could be worth a shot.

Nevermind.

He wants to go home. This was a mistake.

It's too late to back out. Is it too late to back out? He could text her and say he caught a cold, or got run over, or got eaten by a carnie. No, it's too obvious. It's too late to back out.

Desmond shuffles his feet on the street pavement, hoping any kind of physical movement will help alleviate the jittering anxiety overrunning his sympathetic nervous system.

It's way too early for this. He's not finished grieving! He still has at least two unopened tubs of ice cream in his mini freezer he needs to get through! Going out with random females is a horrible idea. Oh lord, now he feels sick. How can he stomach down a dinner in this state? He should just go home, consequences be damned.

"Good evening."

The monotone greeting snaps Desmond out of his panic attack. His joints suddenly feel like they're made of pretzels. Shakily, he turns around to the voice's source.

"H-hey… Hare Eloise."

The hare glares up at him with what he can only assume is an impatient expression (it is very hard to tell how hares are feeling). Her scar remains where it always is, cupping her cheek and curving upwards, stopping just at the center of her forehead, and her drab outfit does nothing to suggest she put any effort into her appearance.

"Just Eloise will suffice. This is a date, is it not?"

Desmond sighs, hysteria abandoned for resignation. "Y-yeah. It is."

Through some miracle, he manages to guide his date inside the restaurant, a respectable home-style bistro, and to their reserved table without passing out. Now seated opposite from each other, Desmond and Eloise share a few minutes of awkward candlelit silence.

He really wants to go home.

"I didn't expect you to contact me." Eloise blurts out, startling him. "I was under the impression you didn't like me."

Her impression is accurate. Their previous and only encounter ended with Desmond reprimanding her for her views of carnivores (specifically one carnivore) and in all honesty, he had hoped to never see her again. But when he deliberated which herbivorous female to ask out, he came to the grim conclusion that he would prefer spending the evening with an independent, opinionated smartass than a desperate ewe who would undoubtedly say anything she thinks would please him. That left him with little choice other than the ill-tempered lagomorph.

"N-not at all…" Desmond lies. "Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot. Really, I'm surprised you agreed to this."

"Why not?" Eloise shrugs. "As I said before, I find you attractive. Your reactions are comically amusing to me. Certainly more entertaining than medicine students." She spits that last part out with venom.

The male sees an opportunity to return to a more normal smalltalk. "H-how is university? Med school sounds pretty tough."

"Uninteresting but manageable, much like this date." She crosses her arms. "Feel free to skip the meaningless icebreaking. We don't need to play nice like carnies do."

Desmond reaches a nervous hand to his glass of water. "I… genuinely don't know what to talk about."

"I do. Let's start with how you were rejected by that cheetah. Hannah, was it?"

The sheep spits his gulp of water back into his glass. "Hafsa. And she's a serval. And how would you even—"

"Asking out a virtual stranger on a date reeks of rebound, especially a stranger who is not in your school and therefore is not associated with any potential drama. I must be the first female you thought of when it came to matters of convenience, so here we are. How far off am I?" The hare calmly elaborates before taking a much more refined sip of her glass.

"That's… pretty spot on."

"Bully for me."

Desmond is still confused. "So you knew all of this, and you still said yes to tonight?"

She nods. "Again, why not? I'm enjoying myself."

"Do you not feel… I dunno, used?"

"Used?" Eloise repeats with a bemused smirk. "I suppose in a cosmic sense, yes, I feel used. Everyone is used. People use other people, that is the basis of every social and economic interaction. Friends use each other for company. Children use their parents for care and financial support. A student uses a teacher for knowledge. I'm using you right now. If I were offended by being used, I might as well renounce society as a whole and live in the mountains."

The ram uses 100% of his brain power to muster any kind of reply, but all he manages is a "we should order now".

After a tense chat with the waiter, the two herbies await their meal. For the first time in his life, Desmond ordered nothing but a plain leafy salad, which Eloise spared no time in mocking, while the hare herself ordered a classy (and expensive) vegetable pasta dish. As soon as the server exits eavesdropping distance, the hare continues their discussion.

"So, what are your intentions here?"

"…Pardon?"

"Is this just a one night stand sort of rebound or do you want to have a full revenge relationship to rub it in her face?"

College girls are insane.

"I… I don't…" Desmond fumbles for any coherent thought to escape his lips. "I don't think of it like that. I'm just… I don't know what I'm doing here…"

Eloise observes her date's spiral into insanity. Though her face betrays nothing, a twinge of pity hits her.

"Perhaps I've been too cruel." She says. "It's clear you're not ready for this."

"…Uh-huh."

"Did you expect anything at all?"

"From tonight? I dunno… all of my teammates told me to 'get back out there', like it would all suddenly make sense once I see other females. Like I would just snap out of it. Like I didn't spend an entire year loving someone who wants nothing to do with me."

"Hm." Eloise rests her elbows on the tablecloth. "You're surprisingly devoted. How cute."

Desmond winces. "Don't tease."

"I'm not. I suppose your peers just think it's a waste."

'What is?"

The hare stares at the small flickering flame encased in the wax-encrusted candle jar. "A waste of you. To be pouring yourself into something that was never meant to be. I won't pretend to empathize with your sentimentality, but the objective fact of the matter is that if this cheetah really wanted to be with you, she would be. So truly, there is nothing to be mourned here. If you dedicate yourself to someone who wants to have you, then that will fix your problem."

The ram's temper flares up at her callous words. "Yeah, well, I'm not some robot who can just program myself to like the right person. You can talk shit all you want about how much of a sap I am, but you won't understand what we've been through. What we meant to each other."

"Touché. I won't argue with that."

A hostile silence lingers in the air until their food arrives. Even the waiter picks up on it, and rushes to leave the disastrous couple alone after dropping their meals off.

Desmond moodily tucks into his salad, chewing the bitter-tasting greens and mentally berating himself for setting up such a nightmare dinner. The female opposite to him, as usual, seems completely unfazed by his foul mood, however. Despite his better judgement and patience, he tries one more approach to get through to her.

"You've never been in love, have you?"

Eloise finishes swallowing her forkful of pasta before answering. "No."

The ram lets out a satisfied huff. "Then no wonder you don't get it. You have no experience with males."

"I never said that. I've dated males before."

"But… if you've never been in love…?"

"Dating to me is not about love. You could say I'm 'using' males."

This catches the ram off guard. He tries a different approach.

"So… what are your intentions? What did you expect by coming here, knowing it was a date?"

For the first time of the night, Eloise's ears sit perfectly still on her head, frozen in thought.

"I suppose it depended on how worthy I thought you would be."

Her date raises a brow. "Try me."

"Are you a virgin?"

Desmond chokes. "That's your metric?!"

The hare awaits his answer silently.

"…No."

Her pasta falls from her fork. "Really?"

The ram's pride is wounded. "Is that really so surprising? I'll have you know, I'm very popular with bovids."

"I'm sure but… I genuinely didn't expect that."

"I was an insecure, shitty middle schooler once, too." He mumbles. "I just wanted to get it out of the way, and so did a classmate. It was bad. I don't even remember her name."

Eloise's piercing gaze matches his. "How whorish."

Desmond trips on his words. He's never been called whorish before. "L-like you're one to talk!"

"I'm kidding." She says with not an ounce of humor in her voice. "To me, sex and love have nothing to do with each other. They satisfy completely different areas of the brain. Having sex with someone even though you don't love them… It's no more offensive than dating someone while abstaining."

"That sounds pretty scummy."

"I disagree. If anything, you are the scummier of us two. I can separate my feelings perfectly well and act on either as I see fit. But I'm sure you wouldn't feel so heartbroken over this Hannah if you weren't sexually attracted to her. Your love is tainted."

Desmond's face flushes. "Who said anything about sexual attraction?!"

"Oh, so you're not?" The hare taunts. "Quickly, imagine her naked. If that doesn't turn you on, I will concede."

"I will not imagine that!"

He imagines it. It turns him on.

Eloise leans to the side, hoping to glimpse the tightness in his jeans as proof, but a well-placed cloth napkin conceals any evidence.

"So, I'm right." She nods with a smirk. "It seems you are the one with twisted priorities."

Desmond slams his forehead down on the table with a bang, catching the eye of neighboring tables. "What is wrong with you...?"

"Don't be embarrassed." She responds with a cool chuckle. "You asked me what I expected? I expected this. I truly don't care whether you still have feelings for the serval. You tickle me, in both senses of the word. If you wish for companionship, I'll be glad to offer it. If you'd like more, even better."

The male looks up slowly, his face still a burning crimson under his wool. "You'd really wanna continue after all this?"

"Of course. Provided you pay for my meals."

Desmond opens his mouth dumbly. He shuts it. He opens it once more.

"Fuck it. Why not?"

AN: Thank you for reading. This was one of the wildest and most fun chapters I've written so far. Desmond and Eloise make for a very entertaining dynamic and I look forward to exploring it. I've strayed from discussing any type of sexual content thus far, but with hormonal teen romance, I think it's inevitable to at the very least dip one's toes in the matter. Now that feelings are being digested and relationships are being formed, it comes with more mature aspects of love and life, healthy and necessary to anyone growing up. That being said, don't expect any smut!

Useless facts: they were gaming at Marcel's parent's house. Eloise is 19, two years older than Desmond.

Take it easy and stay safe.