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MohawkWoman: I´m glad that you see it like I do. ^^ Although the people of this time didn´t talk about the human body and its processes, I think that a woman know her body nevertheless, no matter in which time she´s living in. And yes, writing Connor´s reaction was so much fun. :D I literally saw him in front of me, totally taken by surprise. It hink that was the last thing he was expecting.

Winter

December, 1784

It was end of December and the winter had the land in its firm grip for weeks now. The snow was piling up metre deep on the paths and on the roofs and it had become dangerous to be close to the trees. Because once in a while a branch gave in to the heavy weight of the white splendour and broke off with a loud crack. Nearly nobody in the homestead was outside, if it wasn´t really necessary. It was icy even when the sun was shining, but most of the time it was hiding behind a thick wall of grey clouds. Again and again it began to snow and it wasn´t rare that smaller snow storms developed, which could be dangerous if you were outside. It was a difficult time and it didn´t look like everything was becoming easier in the near future. In the contrary. Not only Connor said that this winter was probably going to last several months and among other things, it meant that we had to use the firewood and supplies sparsely. The latter was difficult, especially for me.

By now I was in the fifth month of my pregnancy. My belly was already bulging to a small bump but still I hadn´t put on much weight. I had to take care that we didn´t run out of supplies too soon and because of that it was often impossible to eat for two. Too often I had discussed with Connor and Caleb about this because both of them wanted to go without some meals or parts of them for my sake, but I couldn´t allow that. The winter was energy-sapping for us all and especially Caleb should want for nothing. In late autumn Diana had warned me that a pregnancy during the winter was a serious difficulty, but at that time we hadn´t known how hard the winter was going to be. Now we knew and with every passing day, my concern about my unborn child grew. But I also had to cope with the daily life. The housework still needed to be done and was a welcomed distraction from all kinds of worries. My broken wrist was healed already and even though I´d had to notice that it was restricted in its flexibility, it had been entirely fit again after a short while. I really didn´t miss the times, in which I had needed help for every little task. I attended totally to my work, although I needed to take a short break from time to time because my strength faded. I always fell into the bed with exhaustion in the evening, fell asleep immediately, but often didn´t feel rested in the morning.

Today was such a morning. When I woke up, it was difficult at first, to keep my eyes open and a dull pain was throbbing in my head. I uttered a quiet groan that quickly turned into a chattering of teeth, because it was terribly cold in our room. I wrapped the blanked of rabbit-fur tighter around me and pulled our normal blanked up to my chin, but as I turned on my side, I noticed that the best source of heat wasn´t laying next to me. Confused I sat up and noticed only now that it was midday obviously. Sunlight was falling through the curtains and drew bright stripes on the floor and the walls. I had slept way too long. With a quiet curse on my lips, I wrapped myself out of the blankets and scurried to the closet. As fast as I could I began to get dressed but in the end it took longer because I couldn´t stop my hands from shaking. Luckily I had already banned my usual skirts and bodices into the back of the closet because of the pregnancy. Weeks ago I had asked Ellen to sew a dress for me with which I didn´t need to worry about pinching seams because of my growing belly. It was a single piece of clothing with a body-hugging top that was only laced underneath the breasts. Then it was falling in wide pleats down to my ankles, was decently concealing my belly but gave it enough space over the following months and I got more mobility with that. Furthermore it was much easier to put it on.

I ordered my hair with quick strokes of the brush, pinned the sides back and walked downstairs into the kitchen shortly afterwards, still freezing. My arms crossed in front of my chest, I entered the kitchen and my gaze moved to the crackling fire of the hearth and the jug and the pot hanging over it. I pushed the sleeve over my hand and lifted the pot´s lid. The scent of cooked vegetables and meat rose into my nose and made my stomach rumble. But at the same time my concerns about our fading supplies returned. Whoever had cooked this, hadn´t been thrifty with them.
I closed the pot again and went to the storage room. Frowning I let my gaze roam over the sacks and crates with corn and vegetables and tried to assess as always, how long they were going to last. But as always I didn´t come to a satisfying answer.
"Stop it", I suddenly heard Connor´s voice behind me and winced. I hadn´t heard him coming inside but obviously he had been outside. Snowflakes glistened in his hair and began to melt and his shoes were leaving wet prints on the floor, as he went to the hearth and put an armful of wood into the corner.
"What shall I stop?", I asked, closed the door to the storage room and watched Connor stacking the wood to a small pile.
"Worrying about the supplies", was the short answer and I snorted.
"Did you have a look at it once?", I asked irritated and pointed at the door. "We only have two sacks of corn, half a sack of potatoes and maybe two crates of vegetables left. The winter is going to last a few more months."
"Yes and we are going to overcome them." Connor stood up, wiped his hands on his pants and turned around to me. "The last winter was much worse and we overcame it, too. Furthermore it is always possible to find something to eat in the forests, if it should become necessary."
"But that doesn´t mean that we should cook opulent stews." I pointed at the pot over the fire and Connor´s gaze followed my hint. He closed his eyes shortly and took a deep breath.
"You were not well last night. You need something proper to eat."
"I´m fine." In a wave of defiance, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. Of course he was right but I thought that it was my responsibility, to take care of our supplies so that they brought us through the winter. It was correct that the last winter had been much worse, but the harvest of the year had been much better and we had been able to be thrifty with them anyway. Especially I actually couldn´t risk that this year. But I wouldn´t stand and watch Connor and Caleb starving, so that I had enough to eat.

"Lillian." Connor´s voice was softer now as he approached me, put both hands to my cheeks and made me look at him. "You have to stop playing the strong one. Do you think that I do not see how exhausted you are every evening? How pale you are? I understand your concerns but you should turn them towards yourself. Caleb and I are fine, you do not need to worry about us." His thump stroked over my cheekbone and a warm smile appeared on his lips. "You and the baby are more important."
He said that with so much love in his voice, that it was easier to take his words to heart. How could I say something against it? He was right after all. I wasn´t only responsible for myself. But I loved him and Caleb as much as I loved the baby and I wanted that everybody was alright.
"I will try", I promised anyway and smiled faintly. Connor seemed to be satisfied, bent down to me and kissed my lips softly.
"Are you hungry?", he asked and led me to the table, where I sat down on the bench and nodded.
"For two", I smirked and watched Connor filling a bowl with the stew and putting it down in front of me, including a spoon.
"Is it eatable?", I asked, grinning cheekily and he cocked his head.
"I hope so. Maria cooked it after all."
"Maria was here?"
He nodded. "She wanted to see you this morning but we wanted to let you sleep, so she cooked so that you have less work to do."
I sighed deeply. "That is nice of her but I would prefer to do my work in my house on my own. I´m pregnant, not ill. Other women don´t let themselves go either."

Luckily Connor didn´t comment on that, probably because he knew that my pride in this regard was too strong to be broken. If he had said something like, I should go easy on myself, I would have turned the spoon in my hand into a weapon. But undisturbed I could begin to eat and enjoyed the warming stew, while Connor was sitting in front of me and watched me more or less. As if he wanted to make sure that I really ate and didn´t throw half of the food away, as soon as he turned his eyes away. But he really didn´t need to worry about that. I was quite hungry and furthermore the stew helped to drive the cold away.
"Where is Caleb?", I asked while scraping the rest of the stew together.
"On the farm. He wanted to help Warren freeing the roofs of the barns from the snow, before the weather changes."
My gaze slid to the window. The sky was a single wall of grey clouds which had swallowed the few sunlight and little snowflakes were drifting down. Compared to the last days, the weather today was acceptable. But that could change quickly and I hoped that Caleb was going to be back soon.

As Connor reached out his hand for my empty bowl, I turned my gaze back to him and gave him a light slap on his fingers, which made him startle back in surprise.
"I will do this on my own", I said grinning, grabbed the bowl and went to the dishpan. I washed my dishes but stopped abruptly and laid a hand on my belly with a surprised gasp.
"What is it?", Connor asked alarmed and I heard him standing up and stepping behind me.
"I think it just moved", I answered and laughed as I felt this light flutter again, which ended as quickly as it had begun. I grabbed Connor´s hand anyway and laid it on the curve of my belly. He propped up his head on my shoulder and together we waited for the child under my heart to move again.
"There!" I smiled brightly as it did and turned my head to Connor to look at him. But he looked disappointed.
"I did not feel anything."
I turned around to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and had to stand on my toes in doing so, which wasn´t as easy as it had been before the pregnancy.
"Maybe you will some day." I ran my hands through his hair smirking and made the disappointed expression in his eyes disappear. "The main thing is that you can hold it in your arms sometime and if I can feel it now, it must mean that it is fine."
"You are right." Connor took my arms from his neck and led them to his chest before he gently pressed his lips against mine. A warm prickling feeling ran through my body and the imagination of Connor holding our child in his arms, made my heart beat faster. I was looking forward to it and knew that he felt the same. But we had to be patient for a while.

A knock on the door tore me out of my daydreams and I hummed irritated when Connor broke the kiss and left the kitchen. I followed him. When Connor opened the door, Corrine stood in front of us, being beside herself but sighing in relief as she saw the assassin.
"Thank God, you´re here", she uttered and her gaze flitted to me, as I appeared next to Connor. "The roof of the great barn on the farm has collapsed under the snow and they need everybody to help clearing the ruins away. Some animals are trapped under them."
My heart stopped for a moment as I thought that Caleb had wanted to help Warren at the barn.
"Was somebody harmed?", I asked in panic but Corrine shook her head.
"Warren and Caleb were lucky. Warren is unharmed, Caleb just slightly injured but is already at the Doc´s."
"Just slightly injured?" My voice was almost cracking but Connor put a hand on my shoulder without turning his eyes away from Corrine.
"Will you go to Caleb with Lillian? I will go to the farm."
Corrine nodded and shortly afterwards, Connor had pushed himself past her and hurried to the homestead. I went upstairs, taking two steps at once, got my coat, threw it on and was already downstairs again with Corrine, who gave me a reassuring look.
"Everything went well. He only has a few scratches and bruises."
"It will only reassure me, if I see him."

Corrine nodded understandingly and together we walked through the flat stamped snow to the homestead and directly to the doctor´s house. He was wearing a reassuring expression, too, as he opened the door and led me to a room on the upper floor, while Corrine headed to the farm.
"He just wanted to climb onto the roof, as it collapsed. Nevertheless he only got a light hit on the head, but nothing serious. He needs some rest and then he will be jumping around soon."
Dr. White opened the door to the room and let me step inside. There was Caleb laying in a bed, the blanket pulled up to his chin, the eyes closed and terribly pale.
"Can we bring him home today?", I asked the doctor quietly and he weighed his head back and forth.
"I would like to have him here a bit longer and watch him, just in case that the hit on his head was worse. He just said that he´s feeling sick. I would say, he stays here for today and we will see tomorrow, if he can come home." He put a hand on my shoulder. "Just stay here, if you like. I´m downstairs if you need me. Can I offer you a tea?"
I shook my head gratefully and sat down on a chair next to the bed, after White had left and had closed the door behind himself.

Caleb was sleeping soundly and I silently spent some time on my seat and looked outside through the window. It hadn´t started to snow yet and I hoped that it would stay like this for now. I didn´t know to what extent the barn on the farm had been destroyed and how much the men had to clean up, but I hoped that they all were going to stay unharmed by other accidents. Caleb and Warren had been lucky after all. I didn´t want to imagine what could have happened.
As the blond boy moved at last, I turned my gaze to him and smiled as he opened his eyes.
"Hey", I said quietly and carefully stroked over his forehead. "How are you?"
Caleb blinked several times, before he answered in a hoarse voice: "My head hurts a bit. Why am I not in my own room?"
"Because Dr. White wants to keep you here and watch you for now, just in case that you´re feeling worse. But tomorrow you can probably go home again and sleep in your own bed."
"So you still want to have me there and don´t leave me here?"
I frowned in confusion about this question which had come over his lips so suddenly and I moved a bit closer to the bed.
"What do you mean? Why should we want to leave you here?"
Suddenly Caleb appeared to be nervous and he uneasily lowered his eyes onto the blanket and began to play with its hem.
"Well, everybody is saying, how happy they are for Connor and you, when your child is born and that Connor is finally going to have an own and well-deserved family then. When it is born, you are a family and then I don´t suit you anymore because I´m not a part of it."
He became silent and kept his gaze down while I needed a moment to assimilate his words.

When I had told him that I was expecting a child, he had reacted quite restrained but I had believed that he just needed to get used to the thought that he soon wasn´t the only child at home anymore. But never I would have believed that he didn´t feel like a part of our family and that he feared that we wouldn´t want to have him with us anymore after the birth. I felt extremely sorry that he was thinking like that and at the same time I asked myself, if we had given him the feeling that he needed to have this fear. If we hadn´t cared enough for him.
I sighed quietly, rose from my chair and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Caleb", I began calmly and gently cupped his chin with my hand so that he looked at me. "You shouldn´t think something like that, do you hear me? Connor, you and I are already a family and it won´t change because of the child. Our family will grow, but it doesn´t mean that you won´t be a part of us anymore."
"But I´m not your child. The baby belongs more to you than I."
"It doesn´t make a difference." I stroked through his blonde hair and smiled. "It had never made a difference. Neither for me, nor for Connor. In a family it doesn´t matter if or how you are related to each other. It is important what you´re feeling for each other and Connor and I enjoy that you´re with us and it will never change."

Caleb scrutinized my face as if he wanted to see, if I was lying to him. But I meant what I said. The boy was already a part of my life and no matter if I was his mother or not: I cared for him and I loved to do it. I couldn´t imagine a life without this whirlwind. He was an asset and always would be.
"Is that so?", he asked meekly and I lovingly tousled his hair.
"Of course. Furthermore the baby needs something like a big brother and who else would be a better brother than you?"
"Do you think so?" A joyful sparkle appeared in his blue eyes and it looked like the thought, that he was going to have someone who could look up to him, would please him. My answer was a smile and I could literally see how the last doubts were leaving Caleb. He beamed and before I could react, he had sat up and had thrown his arms around my neck.
"I love you, Lillian", he murmured and I gently pulled him closer.
"I love you, too, little one."

I held him in my arms for a moment, before I carefully made him lie down again and rest. As I had made sure that he was well, I blew a kiss on his forehead and left the room with his approval. He should sleep a bit and I wanted to use the opportunity to go to the farm and look after the others. Dr. White promised to keep an eye on Caleb and so I could go without a guilty conscience. The path to the farm was nearly freed from the snow, thanks to the many pairs of feet who had hurried over it recently. Probably the whole homestead was up and about to help. Typical for Davenport and it showed once again that we all stuck together. When I walked around the farmer´s house and reached the backyard, I directly saw a group of men, gathering around a pile of rubble which seemed like it had used to be the said barn with its roof. Most parts of the wooden walls were still standing but had been partly cracked by the roof joists and boards. They had already removed the snow around the pile and were just clearing away some rubble.

I stayed in some distance and watched how Terry, Godfrey and Connor were lifting a thick wooden beam up, while Big Dave, Norris and Warren stuck another beam under it to support the remaining walls. From the back corner of the barn, which was still looking quite unharmed, sounded the scared squealing of pigs and as I saw some pink and blood covered bodies underneath the rubble, I knew why the men were hurrying to clear away everything. If they didn´t remove the carcasses, they could probably lure wild animals we didn´t need in the homestead. Furthermore the remaining pigs had to be rescued. I just hoped that the weather was going to stay like this and that nobody got injured. The remaining barn didn´t appear really stable.

"Lillian." Prudence had appeared next to me and her worried gaze also turned to the working men.
"I´m sorry that this happened to you", I said and put a hand on her shoulder. Prudence smiled faintly.
"It was a matter of time. So often I told Warren that he has to take care of the snow on the roofs. Now we have the problem. Some animals are dead, others are in danger and the stored feed is done for, too. Not to forget the part of our vegetable and potato stocks for the homestead which we have stored in there. Now we have only left what is in the storage room. We can neither supply us, nor the rest of the homestead, when it comes to the crunch." The Afro-American pressed her lips together and I could see, how her eyes filled up with tears. I could see the existential fear in them.
"Don´t worry. We will find a way." I reassuringly stroked over her shoulder and she gave me a grateful but forced smile. Then she wrapped an arm around my hips and led me to the house.
"We shouldn´t stay in the cold. Corrine, Diana and Catherine are inside and prepare something to eat for the gentlemen. We have tea, too, if you like."
We entered the large living room of the house, where said women were sitting around the kitchen table and prepared vegetables as well as meat. They greeted me as Prudence offered me a seat.
"How is Caleb?", Diana asked me and they all paused in their work to look at me.
"He´s fine", I said with a smile. "He has to rest but the doctor is optimistic that he will be better soon."

Especially Prudence appeared to be relieved about this news and she gave me a smile, as he put a cup of tea in front of me, which I took gratefully. While the other women turned towards the food again, I kept my hands around the warm cup, lost in my thoughts and even though I hadn´t wanted to do it anymore: I thought of the supplies again. Warren and Prudence had lost a lot and that some animals had died, was also a hard blow for the farmers. They also had to fear that they probably wouldn´t be able bring the remaining animals through the winter and that would threaten their existence in spring at the latest. Not to forget that the whole homestead was depended on the farm´s yields, too. According to Prudence, a part of the potato and vegetable reserves were lost, too and in this weather conditions, it was almost impossible to travel to the surrounding villages to buy supplies there. Furthermore it was unlikely that they could help us, because they had to struggle with the winter, too. It was a more than difficult situation and unfortunately I had been confirmed in my concerns that the supplies weren´t going to be enough. But now it was important to help Prudence and her family. They had a little son after all.

"Prudence, how long do you think will the supplies in the house be enough?", I asked the farmer who looked at me and squinched up her face thoughtfully.
"It´s difficult to say. Maybe two, or maybe just one month."
I nodded slowly. If I wasn´t wrong, the winter could probably last three more months in the worst case. A very long time. Too long.
"Maybe we could help each other out for some time", I said slowly and turned the cup between my hands. "If we would pool our supplies together. Connor said you could find something to eat in the forests, too, if it should become necessary. But maybe we eventually get the chance to visit other villages and buy something there. It has scarcely snowed today, maybe it will stay like this."
I knew that my words sounded more than hopeful, but I also wanted that all of us could find fresh hope. The situation appeared to be difficult, but I always thought of what Connor had said: The last winter had been harder and we had come through it. What had happened today was a tragedy, but if we would stick together like always, I was sure that we could overcome the upcoming difficulties. When I raised my eyes and looked at the others, I looked into quite hesitant faces. But the other women nodded, because there were probably not many alternatives.

The men worked until nightfall and only made short breaks to eat and warm up. It hadn´t started to snow, but with every passing hour, the temperature went down. When the sun set, they had been able to free the trapped animals and resettle them into another barn at least. They had also freed the carcasses and had got them to safety from predators. Prudence was going to have a look at them tomorrow and decide, if you could process them and we all hoped that it was possible.
My idea, to share the supplies from now on, had been further discussed, too, but we were going to make a final decision tomorrow. Then the whole homestead would meet in the church and discuss and put this topic to the vote. But for now I was glad that this day was over and after Connor and I had paid Caleb a short visit, we went home arm in arm, each of us lost in his own thoughts. But I was torn out of my own as Connor stopped abruptly and suddenly pushed me behind himself, his hand on his tomahawk. Confused I glanced over his shoulder and winced as I saw a rider, a few metres in front of us. He was only a shadow, because it was dark around us. The moon was hiding behind thick clouds. The horse was standing there as calmly as the person on its back was looking at us. I couldn´t see much of him, but as I noticed the wide cape he was wearing, my heart almost stopped.
"Who are you and what do you want?", Connor asked. His muscles were tensed, as if he was expecting a fight in every moment. But the rider didn´t answer. He just shoved his heels into the horse´s flanks and we had to jump out of his way, as he galloped past us. Connor swore loudly and looked after the rider who was swallowed by the shadows shortly afterwards.
"Who was that?", he asked, even though it seemed like he didn´t expect an answer from me. He wouldn´t have get one anyway.

Notes:

The dress Lillian mentioned, was derived from the so called "Adrienne". It was a waistless, wide gown and had its origin in the baroque era and is regarded as the first maternity dress. Until the 19th century, pregnant women had to hide their bellys, because a pregnance was socially unpresentable and it was improper to present your belly, like women today are doing it proudly. Most women, especially women of the lower classes, wore waistcoats they could adjust in size or they just cut the seams of their clothes. For Lillian I chose the Adrienne, but her dress is certainly less extravagant and more practical.