Hello again :)

Here´s the new chapter, but before I let you read, I want to refer to the link to my Pinterest which you can find on my profile. There I´m sharing all the images I use as an inspiration for this story. You can check it out, if you want. ;)

Enjoy reading.

To MohawkWoman: Thank you. :) It really means a lot to me when somebody thinks that Lillian is a good match for Connor. It always reassures me that it was the right decision to create her as a "normal" woman, although I often heard it different. But I stand by her and I´m glad that some people do like her and the pairing with Connor. :)

A special day

A few days later, I was woken by a light pull at my hair in the morning. Grumbling I curled up to a ball and pulled the blanket over my head without opening my eyes. Somewhere behind me sounded a squealing laugh and the mattress started so sway when the creator of this laugh jumped lightly up and down and slapped her hands against my back. I uttered a growl, jerkily pushed the blanket back and looked into Emily´s surprised face. Her brown eyes were wide and her mouth was open until she uttered a joyful squeal again and reached out her arms for me. Connor was sitting behind her on the mattress with crossed legs and held her by her hips, so that she was standing safely and could seesaw up and down with her knees, which seemed to be great fun for her.
I grinned, sat up and reached out my arms for Emily, so that I could catch her when Connor let her go and she fell forward.
"I thought the times, when you tore me out of my sleep, are over."
Emily kicked her short legs when I put her on the mattress and began to tickle her lightly. I chuckled about her liveliness and finally looked at Connor, who had a smirk on his face.
"Or did you incite her?", I asked him grinning and an amused sparkle appeared in his eyes.
"We even let you sleep longer, but now we thought it is time for you to get up. Or do you want to miss your birthday?"
My expression slipped away and rolling my eyes, I uttered a groan before I flopped back into the pillows. I hadn´t thought of my birthday anymore. I wrapped my arms around Emily, when she crawled closer to me and started to play with my hair.
"Then you could have woken your old mother a bit gentler", I mumbled and received a strong pull at one of my dark strands of hair as an answer. Connor grinned now and grabbed for Emily´s hands before she was able to do more, sat her up and pulled her closer to him, so that her back leaned against his knee.
"You are not old", he smirked and raised a hand when I squinched up my face. "But still I have something for you."
Surprised I watched him grabbing his pillow, lifting it and revealing a wooden box which he took and gave to me. Slowly I finally sat up and regarded the box without taking it.
"But you don´t need to give me a present", I said resolutely. We had never made something important of the birthdays in this house. They were normal days. Without presents, without festivities, only with a more extravagant dinner. Nothing more and so I didn´t even want to take a present. But Connor kept reaching out the box to me and looked at me invitingly, until I took it with a quiet grumble.

I sat up, put the box on my knees and stroked over the polished lid while I was asking myself, what could be inside of it. It was too big to contain jewellery and too small for a piece of clothing. I doubted that Connor would give me something like that anyway. He always thought practical but probably he would neither give me a cooking spoon or something like that.
"Open it", Connor asked me to do, while it seemed like Emily was bored again and had detected something interesting and for adults invisible on the blanket and began to examine it thoroughly.
I sighed quietly and opened the lid of the box. Now I was the one whose mouth opened in surprise. In the box, which was lined with blue fabric, were two little powder cans, a pouch filled with ammunition and a pistol. It was much smaller than the pistol Connor was often using and with which I had practised until now. Handle and the casing of the barrel were made of polished, dark wood and it was decorated with beautifully engraved silver plates. The metal pieces on the weapon were made of silver, too. It was beautiful and I ran my fingertips reverently over the silver decorations.
"I have to confess that I did not buy it or had it made", Connor just said and moved a bit closer to me. "It was in the basement with the other weapons the whole time and I rarely used it. But I think it fits you and certainly is handier for you than the other pistols because of its size."
I nodded slowly while my fingertips moved over the smooth wood now. I hadn´t known which present I should expect, but a weapon would have been the last thing I had thought about. But at least I hadn´t been wrong that Connor wouldn´t give me something that wouldn´t be of practical value to me. But I could really go without this value.

"You do not like it?", Connor asked when I was still saying nothing about his gift. I didn´t know how to answer his question. The pistol was beautiful but it was going to be hard for me to get used to the thought that I owned a weapon now.
"No, I do", I said and forced myself to smile when I looked at Connor. "But you didn´t need to give it to me. I don´t intend to use a weapon regularly after all."
"But when you have to, it is available and you do not have to ask me for it", Connor replied and tapped on the wooden handle of the pistol with his finger. "You do not have to have it with you all the time. Just keep it somewhere where you can take it quickly if you need it. You know how it works, how to handle it and you are much more confident in shooting. It is on you to decide where and how you want to use all this."
I nodded again and this time my smile was honest, when I leaned forward and kissed him shortly. "Thank you."
I certainly would cherish the pistol, although I kept hoping that I was never going to be forced to use it. Connor smiled contentedly, when he stood up and lifted Emily on his arms, who had fun beating Connor´s pillow in some trace of musical creativity and babbling in incomprehensible sentences in the meantime. She commented the disturbance with a protestant sound but Connor had already walked to the door with her, where he turned around again and asked me smirking: "Does the old woman need help, or can you manage it to stand up alone?"
My answer, a flying pillow, hit the back of his head.

Apart from Caleb´s congratulations when I had finally stood up and had gone downstairs, the rest of the day was like any other day. Connor went into the frontier to check if everything was alright there after there had been problems with poachers a few days ago. Caleb ranged the homestead like always to help where he was needed and I attended to the household. A completely normal day but it took a quicker turn than I would have preferred it.
It was already in the evening and the light of the setting sun bathed the kitchen in reddish light. I was sitting at the kitchen table and cut vegetables which were supposed to be side dish for the rabbit-roast stewing in a pot on the fire in the meantime. It already smelled of freshly prepared meat and I was looking forward to dinner which was going to be the only special thing on my birthday, beside Connor´s present. Humming quietly I was concentrated on my work until suddenly Noir´s angry barking sounded from outside. It was coming closer to the back door in a fast pace but ended abruptly in loud whimper. Then everything was silent. Deadly silent. Not even Emily, who had been sitting on a blanket in the corner in her usual liveliness and had played with her toys, uttered a sound. Entirely frozen she was sitting there, staring to the hallway while I slowly lowered the knife.

My heart was beating painfully fast in my chest when I stood up, the handle of the knife firmly in my grip. I gave an insecure gaze to Emily, who was looking at me now.
"I´ll be right back", I said as calmly as I could, before I carefully approached the back door. I put my shaking hand on the door knob, turned it agonisingly slowly and opened the door. At first there was only the rustling of the wind in the trees and the distant sound of the waves hitting the beach in the bay. My gaze roamed over the close environment, but I couldn´t detect anything conspicuous and also didn´t dare to step out of the door. My grip around the knife became firmer. I uttered a whistle, normally the unmistakable order for Noir to come here. But nothing happened. I whistled again and this time I received a reaction, but not the one I had hoped for.
At first I only heard a rustling in the high grass not far from me and when I turned to the source of this noise, I saw how Noirs large, black body rose slowly from the green. I was relieved at first, but this relief vanished as quickly as it had come when she slowly staggered to me, her head low, her tail down.
"What is wrong with you?", I asked and kneeled down, when she reached me. Only now I could see the dark shine of wetness on the right side of her head and carefully I reached out my hand for it. Noir uttered a pained howl when I touched her and even snapped for my hand which I could pull back just in time. I gulped when I saw the blood sticking on my fingertips.
"What happened, girl?", I asked and carefully stroked over Noir´s shoulder while I was searching for an answer for my question. How had she got injured? Why had she barked before anyway?

I just wanted to make Noir coming into the house with me, so that I could treat her wound, as her hackles rose all of the sudden and a deep growl left her throat. But her gaze wasn´t turned at me but at a spot behind me. Jerkily I wanted to leap up to defend myself with the knife in my hand if necessary, but I wasn´t able to do so.
An iron-like grip grabbed me by my collar and tore me up with so much force that I was choked for a moment. A throaty scream left my lips and I heard how Noir started to bark angrily as the door was shut in front of her nose. My heels scrapped over the floor when I was dragged into the kitchen and the firm grip around my wrist, where I was holding the knife, prevented me dependably from defending myself. I tried nevertheless. I wiggled, screamed, kicked around me, but all of this didn´t help.
"Damn it, Lilly! Stop it! I don´t want to hurt you", I heard Ray´s muffled voice by my ear, but instead of calming down, I struggled even more. Ray pulled me into the kitchen, stopped by the doorframe and shoved my hand, which was still holding the knife, shortly but forcefully against the squared wood. The pain was enough to make me open my hand so that the provisional weapon dropped loudly to the floor. I heard Ray snorting quietly when he finally dragged me to the bench in front of the kitchen table and pushed me on it by my shoulders.
Now I could finally see him when he stepped in front of me. He was still wearing this damn cape but not the hood so that I could look straight into his disfigured face. I could read no emotion in his expression when he looked at me. There was no anger, no aggressiveness nor even pleasure to see me again. There was nothing, At least until he kneeled down so that he was on eye level with me. I made every effort to put all my anger into my gaze when I just kept looking at him, but in his healthy, green eye was something that I still knew from my childhood. Brotherly love.

"How can I make you understand me?", he asked with this husky voice and put a hand on my knee which I pulled back in an instant.
"Not at all", I hissed and shortly my gaze flitted to Emily, who was still sitting in her corner, but now crying loudly. Ray followed my gaze.
"I didn´t want to scare her", he said quietly. What had he expected? He had just sneaked into our house, had dragged me into the kitchen by force and that wasn´t supposed to scare a little girl?
When I wanted to stand up to go to Emily, Ray grabbed me by my shoulders and stopped me.
"Let me go to my daughter at least", I snapped at him and after a short time for consideration, he did but pushed himself to the door on purpose, to take every possibility to escape from me. But I wasn´t thinking about escaping anyway. The only thing I wanted in this moment was to take my child into my arms and to ensure it somehow that it didn´t need to be afraid. Furthermore I hoped that Noir´s barking, which was still sounding from outside, would eventually alarm someone. It sounded weak but was still audible.
So I took every time in the world as I lifted Emily on my arms and went back and forth through the kitchen with lightly swaying steps. In doing so, I searched for something I could use as a weapon at the next opportunity. A pan alone would probably be the best choice, if I could manage it to hit on target with it. But I didn´t know which weapons Ray was probably wearing under his cape and I didn´t want to endanger Emily unnecessarily. Shortly my gaze flitted to Ray who was standing by the door with crossed arms and glanced at the front- as well as at the back door from time to time. He was nervous.
"It takes too long", he murmured and looked at me. Our gazes met. "I want you two to come with me. Now"
I laughed bitterly in the face of his natural tone. Maybe Connor was allowed to talk to me like that when he was ordering me to wait somewhere, but certainly not Ray.
"What makes you think I would come with you?", I asked sneeringly and Ray shortly knitted his eyebrows angrily.
"You´re going to be better. You´re only exposed to danger and bad influences here. Furthermore we are a family after all and..."
"First of all, we are no family anymore and second you are the only danger here", I interrupted him harshly and was surprised about the resoluteness in my voice myself. Even though deep inside of me, I was still afraid of Ray. The day when he had held Emily out of the window had showed me what he was capable of, despite his alleged love for his family.
Ray stared at me full of disbelief. Did he still think that he could convince me to come with him willingly?
"What about your mother?", I asked. "Didn´t you bring her to Savannah? Isn´t it enough that you two are a family again?"
Ray pressed his lips together and slowly shook his head. "She´s dead", he said, so quietly that I could hardly understand him. The pain in his eyes was real and I gulped. For a short moment it was as if all my anger vanished and I had the need to embrace him. But I didn´t. Silently I stayed where I was and held Emily close to me. Luckily she had calmed down again. That Noir´s barking had subsided like Emilys crying wasn't that lucky.

Ray raised his eyes again and I shrank back when he approached me with large steps and put a hand on my shoulder. His gaze was begging. "Please, Lilly. You are my sister. You are the last family I have, as well as the little one. I promise, I will care for you. Better than Connor ever could. I already prepared everything, you won´t be wanting for anything. You will have beautiful dresses and jewellery and you will never have to work in a household again. Everything will be like you used to know it."
The more he spoke, the more enthusiastic he became about his own words, but I could only frown. How could he believe that all of this would convince me? It almost sounded as if I had every reason to be unhappy about my life. So unhappy to escape from it.
"Like I used to know it? You mean a life in silk and brocade? With much jewellery, done hair and comfort because everything is carried after you?" It was a sceptical question but it seemed like Ray wasn´t able to interpret this undertone. His smile widened when he nodded.
"Yes", he said, almost exited. "Everything you had to give up for Connor."
"But all of this belongs to everything we hated when we were children. Strict rules, loads of prohibitions...you always said that you didn´t want this for me anymore."
"But now you´re adult. Now nobody can force you into a single direction and you already shook all of this off long since. But this..." He lifted his arms as if he wanted to include our whole environment in his words. "...isn´t a life for you. You´re not made for breaking your back during the housework and cooking for your husband." His gate flitted to the cut vegetables on the table. "This life doesn´t suit you and I will give back to you what you had to give up."
I shook my head resolutely. "I didn´t have to give up anything. I wanted to and I´m glad that I did it. I´m happy with my life how it is now and I don´t need any expensive robes or jewellery, neither I need any servants. Everything I really need is this house and the people living inside of it. You can´t give this to me, not matter how convinced you are. I don´t want to come with you and I won´t."
I had said all of this in a surprisingly calm tone. I only wanted him to understand at last, although I actually knew that he was never going to understand. Now Ray´s expression was incredibly sad again and like before, when he had told me about his mother´s death, all my anger and hatred I had built up over the last months, began to sway.
"So I´m all the same to you?", he asked and I shook my head. I didn´t have to think long about it. No matter what had happened, he wasn´t all the same to me. If that would be the case, I hadn´t suffered so much during the last months.
"You´re not all the same to me", I said quietly. "But if you want it or not: By now there are people in my life who are more important to me and you don´t belong to them. I can´t understand what you did and I can´t understand your ideals. We have shared the same thoughts as children, but now..." I shook my head and honest regret was in my voice. "We developed into different directions. We´re not who we used to be and we will never be the same brother and sister again. Too much has happened."
I found it right to say all this. I wanted him to understand me at last and let me be. If he really loved me, he had to do this. He had to wish me to be happy. But the only thing Ray was showing me now was anger.
"He made you think all of this", he growled and I didn´t even have the chance to contradict. He clenched his fist and struck against the wall, close to my head. The hanging utensils there clattered and one of the pans fell loudly to the floor. I stayed like I was frozen while Emily started to cry again. I felt Ray´s heavy breath on my face as he bent to me in a threatening manner and I had no chance to evade him.
"You will come with me. No matter what I have to do for it."
"So you can kill me then because I won´t come with you willingly and I will never stay with you willingly."
My voice was entirely calm and I kept looking at him, while the anger shortly vanished from his face and made room for pure sadness again. I could only hear the crackling of the wood billets behind me and Emily´s quiet crying by my shoulder. But I actually hoped that someone would come through the door to help us because I didn't know anymore what to say or how I should defence myself against Ray, without endangering Emily.
"I don´t want to hurt you", Ray said again and his gaze told me that he was serious about these words. But it seemed like it wasn´t clear to him that it was already too late for that. He had hurt me long ago. Several times.
"You held my child out of the open window and enjoyed it. Several times you threatened me and the people I love. Not least you killed my parents. Maybe you never wanted to hurt me physically, but you already hurt me inwardly."
"That´s...not true", Ray uttered and struck against the wall again so that a quiet rattling sounded. On his face, anger took turns with sadness. It seemed like he didn´t know how to continue either.
"I only held the little one out of the window because Connor would have attacked me otherwise. But I never would have...do you really think I would have dropped her?" He laughed nervously and ran his hand through his barely existing hair. "These people you love so much are not good for you. They are harming you and I want to save you from it. You will see it one day and your parents..." He paused and licked his chapped lips, noticeably struggling for words. "It was...an accident. I didn´t want it to come so far, but father...you certainly read my letters. The letters Connor took from my house."
I shook my head. When Connor had brought me this stack of letters, I had directly put it into a drawer and hadn´t opened it since then. I hadn´t wanted to know what Ray had to tell me and even if he had explained in the letters, why he had killed my parents, I wanted to hear it from himself.

I just wanted to ask him to explain everything, but it didn´t come so far. We both froze when we heard how the front door fell shut.
"Lillian? Are you alright? Are you here?"
It was Caleb! An ice-cold shiver ran down my spine when I saw how Ray´s expression changed again. There he was again. This reckless man, who was already planning the next atrocity. I wasn´t able to utter a sound, while I saw from the corner of my eye, how Caleb entered the adjacent dining room. He had his bow in his hand and put an arrow to the string amazingly quickly, when he saw Ray and me.
"Go away from her", he barked at Ray with a firm voice. But he wasn´t impressed by it. A sneering grin spread on his face while he looked at Caleb. I didn´t notice how he grabbed past me into the still glowing coals, without batting an eye.
"Of course. My apologies. I will let her be in an instant", he said with this grin on his lips and he really stepped away from me.
He had clenched his fists, lifted them over his head and walked relaxed to the kitchen door. I didn´t like his behaviour at all and nervously I looked at Caleb who was still holding his bow and didn´t seem to be sure where to aim at, as Ray disappeared out of the kitchen and with that, out of his field of vision. But his steps were clearly audible in the hallway and so Caleb trained the weapon at the door to the dining room.
"I will shoot", he threatened and pulled the string entirely back when Ray appeared in the door, his hands still over his head.
"Of course you will. Unless I pre-empt you."
Caleb was too much distracted from looking the unarmed man over in confusion so that he wasn´t able to react anymore.
One of Ray´s arms shot forward and threw a hand full of blaze into Caleb´s face. The boy screamed in pain and dropped the bow when he pressed both hands on his face. Immediately I stormed into the dining room, sat Emily down next to the door half running, but stopped in front of Ray, when he leaned over the kneeling Caleb, a knife in one hand, the other hand stretched out to me to warn me. It was red from the burn he had just caused himself, but it seemed like he didn´t feel it.
"No matter what I have to do, you will come with me", he growled and pulled Caleb´s head back by his hair so that he could lay the knife at the boy´s throat. Now I could see the reddish burn blisters on his face and neck. The remaining ash was smouldering on the floor and would certainly leave burns as well, but they were easier to accept than Caleb´s agony. I didn´t know where to look at. At the boy or at the man who was looking at him with this disgusting, triumphant grin.
"Either you come with me now, or the boy gets a wonderful red line along his neck beside the nice blisters. From ear..." He tapped the blade against Caleb´s right ear lobe. "...to ear." Now it was the left one.
I felt panic spreading inside of me. Ray wouldn´t hesitate to kill Caleb. Unless I did what he wanted.
"Well then", I croaked. "I will come with you. But please let the boy be."
Ray grinned and let Caleb go, who sank down, crying quietly. His tormentor seemed to think he had achieved his goal. He stood up and turned the blade in his hand so that it flashed up shortly. When he looked at me, he paused.
"What is it?", he asked tensed and hectically turned to the window I had stared at. A mistake.
I leaped forward and picked the bow up from the floor. When Ray turned around to me, I struck the wooden weapon against his head. I didn´t know where this impulse came from. I acted almost instinctively, like I had done when Caleb had been threatened by Ray´s men in the hallway. And I acted because I was furious.

When Ray was kneeling on the floor groaning, I grabbed one of the tufts of hair on his head and pulled at it, until his throat was exposed to me. Now I had the knife in my hand and now he was the one, who was feeling the iron blade on his neck. His unharmed eye widened and he froze, while I kept looking at him.
"From ear to ear?", I hissed. "I told you that I will never come with you and I will tell you something else: I don´t let you harm somebody of my family. I don´t let you keep threatening them. It is over now."
I pressed the sharp side of the blade against the thin skin of his throat. Ray winced when it cut him there and a fine trickle of blood dripped onto the steel.
"So kill me then", Ray said with a husky voice and suddenly there was something like peace in his eyes and a faint smile on his lips. "So kill me, Lilly. Otherwise you won´t get rid of me."
I could do it. Only one movement of the hand. From the right to the left. It was easy and everything would be over. I wouldn´t have to be afraid that he could harm my family and I would have revenged my parent´s death and Caleb´s injuries.
I felt how my hand began to shake and my gaze flitted back and forth between Ray´s eye and the blade on his neck.
"Do it", he whispered and I nervously licked my lips. It was so easy. So terribly easy. Only one movement.
"No." I said this word so quietly that I hardly understood it myself, while I shakily lowered the knife. Inwardly I was still tempted to do it. To cut Ray´s throat, but this partly conscious, partly unconscious decision had already been made and had consequences. I had barely lowered the knife, when everything happened at once. Ray grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me back so that I landed on my back, but whatever he wanted to do after that, he wasn´t able to. The front door flew open and suddenly Olivia was standing in the dining room. They stared at each other for a moment until Ray took to his heals. He ran into the kitchen, to the back door and outside. As if she was rooted to the spot, Olivia stayed where she was and looked from Caleb back to me.
"Follow him!", I uttered and she did.