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To EllieIsOdd: Thank you so much. :) I´m really glad that you like the story and my translation and it´s always a huge compliment for me when someone likes Lillian as Connor´s wife. I know that she sometimes is a quite difficult character and maybe not what many people consider as a partner for an assassin. But it´s relieving to read that she´s still appreciated.

It will be over

Lillian

It was taking too long. Uneasily I was sitting in bed and watched the sky in front of the window becoming brighter while the new day was breaking. After Connor had left, I hadn´t been able to sleep. I often had been tempted to follow him, but every time I had dismissed the thought again. But why wasn´t he back already? His leaving was hours ago and the mine wasn´t so far away that you had to walk for hours. If Connor hadn´t met Ray there, he certainly would have come back directly, so why wasn´t he back already? Something must have happened and this thought made my fear for Connor lacing up my throat and eventually I just couldn´t stay in bed and wait anymore. I stood up, got dressed in shirt, waistcoat and trousers and finally stood insecure in front of the commode where I had put the case with the pistol on. Should I take it with me? I opened the lid of the case and grabbed the weapon after some hesitation. Maybe I could use it. I loaded it and then had the problem that I didn´t own a holster for it yet. I had to ask Ellen for one, but for now it had to be enough to push the pistol into my belt. I also attached the pouches with ammunition and powder on it. Then I stepped to Emily´s cradle where my little girl was still sleeping peacefully, sucking on her fist. I detested the thought of leaving her alone, but I had the feeling that I had no other choice at the moment. There was no one who could take care of her and to take her with me was out of the question. But it was very early in the morning and I hoped that she would sleep a whole while longer, before noticing my absence. I made sure that the cradle was standing securely enough, so that Emily couldn´t fall out if she woke up and moved too much. Luckily she couldn´t climb out because she even wasn´t able to stand properly yet and I just hoped that she hadn´t gained this ability overnight.
"I´m back as soon as I can", I whispered to her, shortly stroked over her cheek and left the room with a heavy heart.

When I stepped out of the house, the sun still hadn´t entirely risen yet and the remains of the cold night air crept under my clothes, so that I shivered. One reason more to start moving as quickly as possible. Until now, I only had been close to the mine once and only knew vaguely where I had to go. While I did the first part of the way in quick steps, I soon started to run and hurt my own boots regularly beating at the path that was leading along the edge of the homestead. The whole time my thoughts were with Connor and while running, I tried to look for him, just in case that he had been on his way back and was now lying wounded somewhere. The thought alone, that something could have happened to him, made me run faster. When I finally reached the tributary that was passing the mine, I was entirely out of breath and had cold sweat on my forehead, which I wiped away with a movement of my hand. I let my gaze roam over the mine´s entrance and its environment, but there was nothing pointing Connor´s whereabouts out. Or Ray´s.
It was dawn. Then time when my brother had wanted to meet my husband here and if Connor hadn´t been here until now, which I doubted, Ray would still be waiting for him. With this thought in mind, I pulled my pistol out of my belt, searched for a shallow spot in the river and crossed it with careful steps. The ice old water rushed against my thighs and I looked to the mine from time to time, to make sure that Ray hadn´t appeared by the entrance and attacked me in my quite helpless position. But I didn´t feel relief when I had crossed the river and slowly approached the entrance. I didn´t know what was awaiting me there. How big the tunnel was and how deep it was leading into the rock. But I probably had expected everything, but not what I was finally seeing.

At first there were only the many little stones covering the ground of the entrance, but the further my gaze slid into the darkness of the tunnel, the bigger the stones on the ground became, until I saw a single wall of rocks, rising inside of the tunnel, a bit away from my position. My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I almost had the feeling that it would burst, but this feeling certainly wasn´t caused by my run. Unmistakably, the tunnel had collapsed and when I dared some hesitated steps into the darkness, I smelled the scent of burnt black powder and burnt wood. The tunnel hadn´t collapsed because its props had given in all of the sudden. There must have been an explosion and I immediately got the thought that Connor maybe had been here. It was a terrible, oppressive feeling when I further approached the tunnel and the wall of rocks. I made one timid step after another, because although I wanted to know what had happened here and if Connor was here somewhere, I feared that the tunnel could probably collapse again. This fear was quickly forgotten when I saw a person on the ground. In an instant I stormed to them and a loud lamentation escaped my lips when I saw that it was Ray and I sank down on my knees next to him. He was lying on the back, his face twisted strangely and his unharmed eye opened wide, his gaze empty. A wooden splinter, with almost the length of my forearm, was stuck in his chest. A big pool of blood had formed around his body, but it seemed like he was lying here for long already. When I reached out my shaky hand for him to close his eye, his skin was cold.
I sobbed and my hands clawed at the fabric of my pants while I tried to hold back the tears and the pain. So often I had cursed Ray over the last couple of months and had wished for his death, but I had never thought of how it would feel when he was really dead. I hadn´t expected the grief and the pain which were rolling over me like a flood wave. I had wanted to hate him and certainly had hated him, but deep inside of me, I had still loved the big brother he had used to be. Before he had become this monster I hadn´t been able to recognize. Now he had found his end and it seemed like it had come to him totally unexpected. The splinter must come from one of the mine props which were supporting the tunnel. It looked like it had been detached with great force, but certainly not by a man. It must have happened during the explosion, but if Ray was here and if he had died because of the explosion, Connor had to…

I hardly dared to finish this thought. The thought alone that Connor had found his end here in the tunnel like Ray, was more painful than the death of my brother. Trembling I stood up again and finally turned to the wall of rocks. Rocks after rocks were lying on top of each other. A huge weight that certainly could crush a man. Was Connor buried here somewhere? Or had he been able to rescue himself and was trapped behind the wall? With this small hope in my heart I stepped to the wall and put my hands on the cold stones.
"Connor?", I called out as loud as I could, hoping that he could hear me through the stones when he was behind them. "Connor? Can you hear me?"
For a whole while, I stood there, called for Connor over and over again, hit the handle of my pistol against the stones and listened for a sign of life. But there was none. No call. No hitting on stones. Nothing.
"Connor!" This time it was a desperate scream while my tears were blurring my vision. He couldn´t be dead! He just couldn´t be killed by these rocks!
In one last act of desperation, I began to remove some rocks with my bare hands. I took care not to make the wall slip away or even make the tunnel collapse further. I tried, almost to exertion, to dig my way through the wall without noticing a real progress. There were too much of them and most of them were too heavy for me. Crying quietly, I finally gave up and sank to my knees in front of this unsolvable task. While I had hold back the grief for Ray before, now I gave free rein to it. Connor was dead. Like Ray, he hadn´t survived the explosion. If he had, he would have been home already or I would have seen him on my way here. This realization hit me like a slap in the face and I crouched on the ground when I felt a painful ache in my chest. It will be over, Connor had said to me before he had left. It was over. Ray was dead but with Connor´s death, his last words to me had got a terrible second meaning.
Another lamentation, much louder and more pained than the last left my lips and I sank down entirely. I felt like I was filled by one single mental pain which would never stop again. I cried bitter tears and grieved so much for the man I had loved more than anything, that I almost overheard the quiet knock. Only when it sounded again, I paused in my grief, raised my head and listened. It was silent at first, but then it sounded again. I was on my feet in an instant and climbed on the wall until the knock sounded right beneath me.
"Connor?" My voice was still stifled by my tears, but suddenly I was seized by a hope that made me remove the rocks underneath me as fast as I could. Bit by bit I worked myself forward, removed every rock that wasn´t too heavy for me until I saw something white in the hole.

"Connor!" Tears ran over my cheeks again, but this time they were tears of joy and relief. There, only a few metres underneath me, I could see Connor´s torso in the darkness and when he raised his head and I could look into this wonderful pair of brown eyes, every kind of pain was forgotten. Now that I had removed most of the weight over him, Connor tried to pull himself up on the rocks around him, but stopped on half of the way. The hole I had created was still too small for him to get through it.
"Help me with this rock here", he ordered me to do with a hoarse voice and began to cough dryly shortly afterwards. His face was covered in dust, sweat and blood but despite the clearly visible laceration on his forehead, it seemed like he was reasonably in his right mind. Together we pushed the rock in his way aside and we had barely done it, when Connor heaved himself out of his stone prison. I supported him as good as I could, but as soon as he kneeled beside me, I threw myself into his arms. Connor winced and groaned quietly and pained, but he firmly wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair while I gave free reign to my tears again. All the pain, I had felt before when I had believed that I had lost Connor, fell from me and I didn´t care about that Connor´s clothes were as dirty as his face. I just clung to him, as if I thought that he could disappear in front of my eyes and that it came to light that he was a pure imagination. But I didn't imagine it. When I pulled away from Connor, I laid my hands on his cheeks and kissed his lips, before I looked at him.
"Never do it again", I whispered. "Never allow me to think that you´re dead."
My words were half serious, half jokey, but the basic massage had reached Connor.
I´ve been terribly afraid for you.
He grabbed my hands and squeezed them gently without saying a word and now I took the time to look him over. The laceration on his forehead was covered in dust but blood was still trickling out of it, as well as out of a deep wound on his left shoulder. The robe was ripped on this spot and it had got damaged in general. But it was nothing you couldn´t repair and for now, its owner was much more important anyway.
"How are you?", I asked quietly, although I was seeing his wounds. "Are you in pain? Dizzy? Do you think you can make it home?"
Connor shook his head at first and I didn´t know if and to which of my questions this gesture was referring.
"I am not dizzy", he said at last. "I will make it home, do not worry."
He let go of my hands and climbed down the rock wall, but it didn´t escape my notice that he was screwing his face up in pain.

I followed him and when I stood next to him and he leaned against the tunnel wall, breathing heavily and his hand pressed in his side, I shook my head. "Connor, you can´t…"
I couldn´t finish my sentence because Connor had already moved on with staggering steps, only to kneel down next to Ray. A bit timid, I stopped next to him and watched how Connor looked the body in front of him over.
"You were a victim of your own hatred", I heard him say. "Hopefully you will find your peace now."
I gulped. I had almost expected that Connor would curse Ray for what he had done to us, but it didn´t seem like he wanted to return the like. A great gesture.
Connor kneeled there for a moment, before he suddenly opened the buckle that was closing Ray´s cape. With wide eyes, I watched how Connor began to unbutton Ray´s shirt until his chest was bare. It was as scarred as his face.
"What…what are you doing?", I asked dumbfounded when Connor´s hidden blade slid out. I thought he wanted to stab Ray´s body and already fell on my knees next to him to stop him, but Connor did nothing like that. He just lifted a blue gemstone, Ray was wearing on a leather band around his neck, with the blade. Frowning Connor scrutinized the gemstone before he hesitantly touched it with his finger. Whatever made him so cautious, nothing happened and so Connor took the necklace from Ray.
"Why are you doing this?", I asked, while Connor scrutinized the stone again before he put it into his pouch.
"I want to find out what it is", was the short answer and in the next moment, I had to concentrate on helping Connor to stand up. It was obvious that every movement was causing pain for him and I wasted no thought on the jewellery of a dead man anymore.
"I will bring you home and then I will go and get Dr White", I said, but Connor wasn´t Connor if he wouldn´t shook his head vigorously and pull away from me to stagger to the entrance.
"I do not need a doctor. I can treat the few wounds on my own", I heard him grumble and I uttered a snort while I followed him.
"Don´t be such an idiot. You can´t even walk straight. What if you have broken something? You´re holding your rips after all."
Connor´s gaze moved to the hand in his side which he lowered in an instant.
"A bruise. Nothing more", he said, but gasped in pain shortly afterwards when I poked a finger into his side. I didn´t do it quite hard but obviously he was so in pain on this spot that a touch was enough and I instantly got a bad conscience.

The whole way home, which took third times more than my way to the mine, Connor and I were arguing about his condition. I wanted him to sit down somewhere and wait until I picked him up with the carriage. But of course he insisted on being the master over his senses and legs and being able to walk. I knew that he didn´t want to admit his weakness in front of me and I could understand it. But right now it rather made me angry, but when we had made it into our bedroom at last and after Connor had sat down on the edge of the bed with an audible sigh of relief, I at least had this pighead allowing me to go and get Dr White. Emily was still, or again, sleeping and so I quickly walked to the doctor who was surprised about my early appearance at first. But when I told him in short sentences what had happened, he instantly accompanied me back to the manor. There I let him go upstairs while I went outside once again to get water which I boiled over the hearth. Loaded with the pot and some rags, I went back into the bedroom where Dr White had helped Connor getting undressed to his pants in the meantime. So the whole extent of Connor´s injuries became visible. Under his left biceps was a deep wound with frayed edges, which looked like it had been torn into his flesh and which the doctor just freed from small wooden splinters. Connor´s torso was covered in bruises, but his right side looked worse. The skin over the lower costal arch was a single bruise and in the face of his sitting posture and how he was breathing shallowly, it seemed like he was feeling the worst pain there. But in the face of the situation in the tunnel, Connor had been very lucky.
I put the pot with hot water next to the bed, put the rags beside Connor, who was sitting there with his head low and the eyes closed, his face twisted up in pain while Dr White was pulling splinter after splinter put of the wound. But no sound came over his lips. Only when the doctor had finished his torture, Connor relaxed again and let him also clean and bandage the wound. Then the treatment of the laceration followed, which needed to be stitched and in the end, the doctor sat down on Connor´s other side to examine the large bruise. When he palpated it, Connor uttered a suppressed growl for the first time, which actually reminded of a wounded animal and I saw how his hands clawed at the sheet underneath them. It was almost physically painful for me to see him like this.
"I guess you broke one or two rips", Dr White said. "But it will heal as long as you go easy on yourself."
Connor screwed up his face about these words, but didn´t say anything about it. But he watched us closely, when the doctor went to the washstand and beckoned me over. Dr White put some small pouches, jars and a note on the washstand. "This is almost everything you need to treat the wounds and I wrote down how you have to use them. You can make a paste which will support the healing of the wounds on his head and shoulder and a poultice of comfrey root for the bruise over the rips. There is also some willow bark to make a tea against the pain and to prevent inflammations. And you can put these…" He lifted one of the pouches. "into his bath water because I think a bath will do him good."
He smirked and when I shortly looked at Connor, I could only agree. His black hair was almost grey because of the dust in it and was covered in blood and sweat. Face and neck were still dirty, too. Connor definitely needed a bath.
"During the bath he can keep the bandage on his shoulder on, but after the bath, you should treat the bruise, it will further ease the pain. We can´t immobilise the area around his rips. But it is more important that he rests for now. No quick and exertive movements, no lifting of heavy weights. Connor needs as much rest as possible so that his rips can heal and this can take up to three weeks. I think a tea made of balm and for sleeping a tea of valerian won´t be wrong either."
I raised an eyebrow and gave the doctor a sceptical look. He smirked again because he understood my gaze. To make Connor rest was as easy as to make a predator only eat greens for the rest of its life.
"I can do that", I still murmured and Dr White chuckled.
"I don´t doubt it."
He put away his last utensils, but was hold back from Connor when he wanted to bid farewell to him. "Do you think it is possible that someone recovers the body of Lillian´s brother from the mine?", Connor asked and my heart contracted shortly. I had totally forgotten Ray and had actually left him in the mine.
"I will ask Father Timothy to organize a funeral", I said quietly after Dr White had nodded. "Nothing special, somewhere in the forest. But I want Ray to be buried properly. So that he can find his peace at last."
I met Connor´s serious and scrutinizing gaze and didn´t know if he could understand my sentimentality for my brother. I also didn´t know how it had come to the explosion and what had happened between them in the mine. But Connor nodded at me while Dr White also showed understanding for my words. I finally accompanied him to the front door and received the relieving message that he would sent Caleb home today. He had got through the night well and the doctor thought that his injuries had good chances to heal.

After I had closed the door behind Dr White, I went back into the bedroom, where Connor was still sitting on the bed. When I entered, he raised his head and looked me over. "How are you?", he asked without further ado and at first, I wanted to dismiss the question with a jocular "Better than you", but I knew that Connor wouldn´t like it. He was serious and so he deserved a serious answer.
I lightly shrugged my shoulders and sat down next to him on the edge of the bed, my legs crossed and rocking my feet. "How should I feel?", I murmured. "I thought I would feel better when Ray is dead, but I don´t. It hurts." I pressed my lips together and stared at my wiggling feet while I tried to suppress this pain. I rather wanted to think of what was outweighing all this grief for Ray. I raised my eyes again and put my hand on Connor´s, that was propped up beside me on the mattress.
"But at the same time, I´m incredibly happy that you´re sitting next to me, no matter if you´re wounded or not. When you didn´t answer my calls and I thought you were dead, it was the most terrible feeling I ever had."
Connor had lowered his gaze on our hands and turned his palm up to grab my hand. He gently brushed his thump over its back, but it seemed like his thoughts were in the tunnel again. His expression was incredibly serious and I asked myself, what he had felt when the tunnel had collapsed over him. When he had been buried alive. Had he been afraid or had he awaited death like every other danger?
I didn´t ask him. Instead I leaned forward and pressed a long kiss on his lips which he returned and I could feel how the tension he was radiating subsided a bit. When I pulled away from him, I snapped my finger against the braid on his temple which was covered in dirt like the rest of his hair and I grinned lightly.
"Now I will make something to eat for you and Emily and while doing so, I will prepare water for your bath. You really need one."
I saw reluctance in Connor´s eyes, but he wouldn´t get away with a simple washing over the washbowl.