An acquired black Ford Explorer rolled down the streets of the city. Behind tinted windows, the suited Irken with his targeting visor on. Finding a spot to parallel park, he pulled in and parked the vehicle. After checking around for any nearby locals, he opened up his installed terminal and started checking various frequencies. Find Zim, form a plan, go from there. At least that was the idea. His shuttle lay hidden in some forest; and despite a lack of a base of operations he still needed to grab, he was at least able to acquire some local transport. One step to blending in at least.
While he would've wanted a military vehicle, far too noticeable. Black with additional blue lights and a prisoner cage? Perfect cover, looks like whatever passed for IIA of the planet. Some things never changed, no matter the species. The locals did one of two things at the sight of his transport: Make themselves scarce or quickly become model citizens behind the wheels of their own vehicles.
And Zim proved to be as stupid as he was infamously known. A large amount of Irken infrastructure underground transmitting on Imperial frequencies openly?! What an idiot. He had his target…and he needed to get there first. Throwing the vehicle into drive with some burning rubber from spinning tires before he took off, the sniper threw on the blue lights, local traffic quickly making way as he made his way towards Zim's location.
"You son of a bitch, I have your ass." He muttered to himself as parked down the street, sighting Zim's very out of place base of operations…and a human female approaching it. Whatever was going on, it wasn't part of the plan. Donning his mask and drawing his Vortian T42 SMG, he quickly shut off the lights, exited the vehicle, and ran down the street.
Who was this spunky lost child and why was she laughing? As he slid to a stop at the fence line to observe, he watched the holograms fizzle, revealing Tak and her SiR unit. Definitely not a human child.
Not part of the plan at all…
She stood at the front door, completely undisguised and visible for all the humans to see…and none noticed. That, or appeared to care. Either they were so frighteningly dull and unaware of their surroundings or Zim's presence normalized what was taking place. His base at the end of a cul-de-sac between two apartment buildings sticking out like a sore thumb. A surreal fever dream of a scene best described her ever-increasing ire towards the terribly-disguised Invader. What could have possibly went wrong in the cloning and encoding process to produce these results? The universe may never know.
He watched the scene transpire. Tak saying she should have been an Invader, shoving Zim back with each subsequent blow.
"YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!"
Brain cells, lost.
"He really is a fucking idiot more than people let on…" Kazak muttered to himself as he continued to observe. Tak's story about her training, the power outage across half of Devastis over…snacks?! Really? And this was the master tool of Grimm's schemes?
He watched as Tak's SiR unit disabled Zim's base and decided this was the best time to strike. Drawing a tear gas grenade and pulling the pin, he hurled it right through the front door. The device struck Zim's odd-looking SiR unit in the head with a clang of metal, knocking the artificial construct over.
"Ooh! What's that?"
The noise and following clatter garnered at least one of the Irken's attention in the room. Zim was not the one as he lamented his beautiful base succumbing to some manner of sabotage. Tak's sneer of contempt curled into a snarl at the intrusion, snapping a digit towards the device.
"MiMi! Remove!"
Just as it began to hiss, billowing its payload into the room, Tak's heavily-modified SiR unit ensnared the grenade, throwing it through the glass of the nearest window into the front yard. Enough time and distraction for the not-Invader to deploy her PAK legs, turning to engage the source.
"Misdirection, I never thought an idiot like you possible of it."
"MY BEAUTIFUL BASE NOOOOO!"
Scowling, one of Tak's leg's swatted Zim across the room and out of the way.
"Show yourself! Going to have to do better than that to get the drop on me!"
Kazak dove out of the way, quickly switching out of his cloak mode into an armor mode in case anything impacted. He rose to his feet, clearly Irken in form clad in a suit of artificial muscle but his armor plating was in Vortian blue and carried Federation insignia. Yet the cloak was also an unmistakable feature of the Empire's scout snipers.
"Not after you! I'm after dumbass in there!"
Expecting what passed for law enforcement or Zim's little human friend being the interloper, Tak was visibly taken back at the sight of another Irken on this dung heap of a world. A momentary pause to visually scan the member of their species before them. Irken. Male. Soldier…the Federation colors and insignia saw her teeth clench, features tightening into a feral grimace.
Zim, picking himself up off of the floor and dusting himself off, saw him as well.
"Wh- Another Irken?! Who are you?! Are you with her?! Is this part of your revenge plan?! Who dares enter the base of Zim?! GiR! Do your job!"
"IT'S NOT ABOUT REVENGE!" Tak screamed at him, trembling with fury.
The odd robot, sitting up from being knocked over, casually approached Kazak with a grin and a wave.
"Hi there! Can I take your coat?"
"By Irk his SiR unit is as stupid as he is." Kazak flipped the safety off his SMG and aimed it right at GiR. "Fuck off somewhere you dumb bucket of bolts."
GiR, now looking at a weapon pointed at him, deflated somewhat before turning back to Zim.
"Master, he doesn't want me to take his coat."
"Enough!" Tak bellowed over the chaos, snapping a pointed finger to Kazak. "I don't know who you are or why you're here, but stay out of this, traitor."
"Traitor?! Where?! Who's the traitor? Are you the traitor? This is MY mission! Earth is MINE!" Zim needled of Tak
A devious plan hatched by the purple-eyed female came to fruition.
"There! Right THERE! He's the traitor! He's wearing Federation armor!" She accusingly pointed to Kazak. "He's here to steal your mission, Zim!"
"...but you were trying to do the same thing."
"I'm not now. He is."
"...why would the Federation want my mission?"
A moment of clarity on the behalf of Zim played against her and her patience for it ran out.
"Useless! You and your fake SiR to go with your fake mission!"
"If it's fake, why are you trying to take it from me?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Kazak's hand came up to his masked face and ran down it. "Okay, both of you shut the fuck up. I'm losing brain cells and my desire to dump this entire magazine into this absolute idiot is increasing by the second. I need his stupid ass alive and rage killing him isn't going to make my boss happy." He paused and looked right at Tak. "I'm not here for you. Do whatever, I don't care. I just need to take him in alive because of his connections and interrogate him."
Tak's eye twitched as she ground her teeth, quivering with rage.
"I am. YOU interrupted! FIFTY YEARS! I've waited to take what is rightfully MINE. You will not stop me."
She snapped her attention to Zim.
"...and why are you JUST STANDING THERE?!"
"And help you take my mission from Zim? I think not!"
It took every ounce of restraint she had to not blast him herself then and there. No, a fool he was but deserving of death? Hardly. Mostly. Whatever he had done set into motion whatever…this was. Cunning…tact…
A devious grin.
Perfect.
"...what if I help you complete your mission, Zim? Let you have all the credit for conquering Earth. The Tallest will be so proud of you."
His antenna perked up at that through his awful, ruined attempt at a wig.
"They would be proud of Zim?"
"Extremely. The f-finest example of Irken military prowess." She struggled to lie through her teeth even to her benefit. "...all you have to do is help me stop him."
With that, Zim's own PAK legs deployed, immediately joining Tak in towering over Kazak.
"GiR! Duty mode!"
The strange little robot's illuminated blue eyes shifted to red and a tiny metal hand snapped a clanging salute.
"Yes Sir!"
"Attack!"
"MiMi! Attack!"
Well that tore it. Immediately switching to cloak mode as he made his way to the kitchen for concealment, the sniper peered around and fired a burst of mass driven slugs at both SiR units before making his way further, even if the weapon firing cost him his cloak mode. He needed to remember to uncloak first…
If Zim's base hadn't been wrecked by Tak's sabotage prior, what followed made sure of it. The most idiodic Invader of them all and his defective SiR unit, motivated by loyalty to the Empire and his Almighty Tallest, still proved a threat to the likes of Kazak. Tak's presence, despite being forewarned by none other than the man she almost killed many months ago, did not improve his odds any. Unlike GiR, MiMi's threat exceeded even the typical SiR unit. Her master knew her way around robotics and artificial intelligence.
Kazak's cunning, resolve, and augmented suit kept him alive despite being outnumbered. If barely at the current rate of deterioration as there wasn't a surface in the base his body wasn't introduced to in some manner being tossed and thrown about by the two Invaders. Attempts to pierce his armor with their razor-sharp PAK legs proved to no avail. He narrowly avoided plasmatic blasts, only punching holes through the walls. His dexterity and nimble actions kept him alive. For now.
Carbon scoring on the walls, pock marks from mass driven slugs. The interior was becoming a catastrophic nightmare. Kazak remembered to keep his augmented strength off with every blow of the butt of his SMG delivered to Zim's face when he managed to get a blow in. Only to be hurled into a wall by Tak or MiMi and his suit absorbing the impact. Or by GiR. A sniper wasn't meant for a four on one.
"Oh for fuck's sake…" He got up after falling from the ceiling from another toss by MiMi and falling onto Zim's overturned sofa. "Commander's words or not I'm inclined to just shoot all four of you in the face and be done with it the rate things are going." He was panting, winded, his armor could do a great deal but this was one of the longest physical scraps he's been in recently.
Tak, winded from the encounter as she nursed a myriad of flesh wounds herself, held a bleeding shoulder. Zim, sprawled out in a stunned mess, was yet to rise. GiR was doing his best impression of a pile of scrap metal, electronics flickering and sparking. Zim didn't seem terribly upset about it. A common occurrence, really.
Hearing Kazak's words gave her pause as she was intent on charging him again and put an end to this nonsense. Her PAK legs audibly screeched to a halt across the tiled floor.
"Comm-...who sent you?!" She demanded, wincing at her wounded shoulder.
"Commander Vult…been a lot of developments since you saw him…warned me about you…see how you almost killed him…and Aero."
Whatever burning fury that remained to rend him limb-from-limb for his transgressions quickly found itself doused by this revelation. The names and events he described in detail. Information not so easily acquired. Not even Invaders could have discovered as such.
"MiMi, stop!" She barked at her SiR unit, bringing it to rest before assailing Kazak again.
"Stop?! We have him right where we need him!" Zim protested despite floundering back to his feet, a sight missing one of his awful, unconvincing contacts, a bruised, bloodied mess. "Victory is nigh for Zi-!"
Tak didn't spare him a glance before one of her PAK legs casually swatted the annoying Invader through the wall into the kitchen. Somewhere else for him to recover and not be under foot.
"...Vult sent you…for Zim?" She pressed, confused. "Why? What does that idiot have to do with anything?"
"You know Skrem at all?" Kazak fell back onto the overturned sofa to take a load off now that the fight was apparently over.
"I…know of him, not personally….and whatever you're about to tell me, deal with him first." She gestured to the hole Zim's body made through wall. "If the base wasn't a dead giveaway, he routinely contacts the Tallest directly. How I traced him to this specific location on the planet."
"...Yeah, that's a bit of a problem…" Kazak took off his mask, finally revealing his face before replacing his targeting visor. The silver eyed Irken looked Tak in the eyes. "There's a lot you don't know, a lot we found out, especially how this idiot's been a small cog in greater machinations this entire time. Dataslate's in my car but…to give you the short version-
"GO TAKE CARE OF ZIM FIRST IDIOT!" She snarled at him. "He WILL tell the Tallest EVERYTHING!"
"All right, all right. Sheesh." He rose to his feet, muscle fibers glowing red as he simply burst through whatever bit of the wall was left, Zim was trying to claw his way out of the room. Kazak immediately grabbed the idiotic Invader by the throat with one hand and with the other tore his PAK legs right out.
"NOOO My PAK legs! I need those!" The diminutive Invader flailed in Kazak's grasp in vain, distraught at the turn of events.
"I really want to snap your neck, you stupid sack of shit, but the Commander wants you alive so I intend to keep you that way. As long as it's convenient."
With Zim more effectively immobilized, he pulled the Invader into a choke hold to render him unconscious. Once Zim was out cold, he threw the limp Invader over his shoulder. "Come on, we'll go to my car, I'll explain on the way."
"About that…" Tak began, slowly lowering herself back to the ground and retracting her PAK legs.
Outside what remained of the facade of the disgusting facsimile of a human dwelling that Zim called home stood a young human boy. Diminutive and about Zim's size, eccentric styling of black hair, large round spectacles, and mesmerized fascination with the sight before him.
"Wooow! Who are you? More hideous alien fiends of Zim's race? I came over to creepily spy on him from the bushes and take pictures through his windows but this is amazing!"
Just as Kazak was to rectify the situation how he best knew how, Tak's hand snatched him by the shoulder, staying his feet.
"Stop. That one is smart. I know him from the learning center." She spoke between them. "Be discreet."
Tak's words did stop him. The sniper looked right at the human. "...You know a spy that gives himself away like that is a really awful spy. Don't quit your day job."
The long-coat wearing boy produced a camera from his inside pocket, taking a picture of both he and Tak casually. The scene wrought of destruction and clear indication that these two were far more capable and dangerous than Zim was lost on him in the moment.
"Man, the Swollen Eyeball Network isn't gonna be-"
The sniper reacted quickly, grabbing the camera and crushing it in his hand. Startled, the young man jumped back, equal measures shocked as he was angry at the loss of his property.
"Hey! That was my dads!"
"Dib." Tak intervened before he made another error of judgment. "You need to leave. Now."
"So you can help Zim destroy the Earth? Nice try…and how do you know my name?"
The purple-eyed Irken wearily sighed of a mixture of annoyance and fatigue, reaching for her wrist. A tap or two of her digits saw the familiar form of the new girl in his class from school via holographic projection. Dib's mouth dropped, absolutely dumbfounded.
"This doesn't concern you." Tak concluded in her disguised form. "Go home."
"Wh- You're just like him! You're here to destroy Earth! I have to stop you!"
Kazak laughed. "My faction has absolutely zero interest in your backwater here in fucking nowhere."
Dib stepped forward, thrusting an accusatory finger toward the strangely-suited, silver-eyed Irken.
"Yeah, then why is Zim here then? Why are YOU here? Huh? Huh? HUH?!"
"Because he's an idiot and an idiot needs to be given a simpleton's job to keep him distracted. Lest he destroy an entire planet or something. Or…as I'm figuring, perhaps safe keeping for someone's schemes back home."
The young man blinked, confused.
"...so Zim's was sent here to destroy earth to stop him from….destroying a planet? Like Earth? I don't believe you."
Tak's hand audibly smacked her face, dragging down her weary features. Her patience well beyond its threshold of acceptance and Kazak's typical blugeoning of a soldier wasn't helping matters any.
"Look, just…there's a lot going on right now. I don't even know about it yet. None of it involves Earth. Yet. We're trying to keep it that way."
"You're lying! Trying to trick me! I won't be so easily swayed by alien wiles!"
"Yeah, sure, we're not trying to stop Supreme Commander Grimm from taking one look at your species and deciding to turn your planet into a sea of glass."
"Wha…Grimm? Is that the name of one of your leaders? The tall idiots Zim talks to all the time?"
Tak's fists clenched, shaking in frustration. No, stay calm. She wasn't Zim. She was smarter. Better. Be better than Zim.
"...we need to leave before Zim recovers. If you keep quiet, come with us. I know you'll follow us anyway and unlike Zim, this one will kill you." She gestured to Kazak.
"...meaning you won't kill me?"
"You haven't given me a reason to yet, no."
"Good to know."
"Nor me, but I'm the one packing a few mass drivers to leave you with some extra holes to breathe out of." Kazak started out the door and down the street towards his waiting vehicle.
"Neat…so you're going to tell me all your evil plans then?" Dib concluded, beyond excited at the prospect now.
"It's what you always wanted, isn't it? Recognition? Validation? Proof you aren't insane?" Tak belittled.
"That and then some! Let's go!"
"Yeah, well, be careful what you wish for. Fact can be so strange that if you pitched it as fiction, you'd get laughed at for it being unbelievable." Kazak added.
The distant wail of police sirens from the destructive altercation grew in the distance.
"Right, let's get out of here before more of his species shows up with questions and guns, hm?"
Kazak sprinted down the street with enhanced speed, stopping at the back of his vehicle to open it, pulling out a pair of wrist and ankle restraints and securing Zim before unceremoniously dumping him in the back seat. He sprinted back to the house to scrape up the remnants of GiR into a burlap sack and threw the ruined SiR unit into the trunk with the same lack of decorum before slamming it shut. With Tak in the passenger seat, himself driving, and Dib with MiMi taking an extra spot in the back, the sniper started the vehicle and left the scene before local cops arrived. Their arrival narrowly missed and thankfully so.
The radio in the car blasted western music that Kazak developed an appreciation for during his time on Earth. He turned down the radio until it was background noise as he settled into the drive. With Zim effectively immobilized, he turned his attention back to Tak, eyes still on the road.
Once a handful of blocks had passed by and distance put between them and the spectacle that took place at Zim's base, the disguised Tak's backpack flipped open in a flash. Two of her PAK legs darted from within, one snapping around the passenger seat in a flash pointed to Dib threateningly. The other uncomfortably doing much of the same digging into the flexible fibers of Kazak's suit near his jugular.
Dib leapt back into his seat, startled, clinging to it.
"Hey! What'd I do?!"
A murderous glare of contempt twisted her human facade.
"Be. Quiet." She venomously hissed at the human boy, eyes drifting back back to her fellow Irken currently occupied behind the wheel. "...now…you have exactly thirty seconds to explain why you, an Irken, is wearing Federation armor. I should flay your throat on principle using alien technology, let alone interfering with my plans. Your associations and company you apparently keep have provided you this. Use your time wisely."
Kazak stayed calm as he glanced at her briefly, keeping his eyes on the road. "Lots of things went down since you last saw the Commander. We've uncovered schemes from within, uncovered a mountain of lies…and have seen a lot of things that made us ask questions. Zim's involved, tied to Grimm's plot to kill his way to the top. The team the Commander's forming is now trying to make centuries of lies and untold numbers of dead right again. Involves us needing the best tech out there…I needed this more immediately to get here. Vard's probably cooked up a vast improved version by now."
"Why should I believe any of this being remotely true? What is to say this isn't a ploy to see me returned to Planet Dirt?" Tak challenged, her needle-like appendage unrelenting to Kazak's neck.
"You haven't met me, I came on board after what transpired with you. Saved the Commander's life on Vort." The sniper paused to take a breath. "I'm genuinely the type of guy who'd be more inclined to give them back your corpse than send you back to Dirt if that was my intention."
His veiled threat earned an application of more pressure, more discomfort as she threatened to pierce his suit.
"It is unwise to speak from a disadvantage. It doesn't suit you. Now…let's say I find these claims entertaining and worth a closer look. Do you have factual evidence or are you spewing garbage from your noise tube to buy you more time?"
Kazak gestured to the glove box. "Dataslate with a copy of Grimm and Skrem's conversation is in there. Tried to recruit him at the Great Assigning after Skrem called Red and Purple imbeciles to their faces. Skrem got Grimm to unveil everything and played him for a fool."
Tak did not speak or react for several uncomfortable seconds. Was she to thread the needle that was Kazak's neck and take her leave amidst a car crash? The tension relented as her PAK appendages finally retracted, snapping back into her backpack and folding away. Despite having Kazak's life in her hands moments before, she casually sought to retrieve the dataslate for her own viewing.
"...the man's life you saved spared my fate of janitorial services on Dirt even after his brush with death at my hands. I repay you the same in kind…now…wherever you are operating out of, take me there. I will have my ship arrive and proceed from there. Clearly there is much to discuss."
"All right…more stuff on the ship for you to see as it is."
Dib's eyes lit up, his eagerness and excitement overriding the fact he was in potential real danger between his two extraterrestrial chaparones.
"You're taking me to your ships?! This is amazing!" He gleefully spoke, hands to both front seats as he leaned forward. Tak's palm pressed to his face, shoving him back unkindly.
"Silence!" She snapped at him, digit thrust in his face. "Do NOT make me regret not disemboweling you on Zim's front lawn. So long as you are with us, you cannot open your noise tube to human authorities about any of this. Follow the rules, stay alive. Understood?"
He was taken back by the stern warning and threats from someone days prior had been a mere classmate of his as far as he was aware. Uncannily unnerving a fellow "child" such as himself was threatening his life.
"S-sure. Understood…don't have to be rude about it."
"This is me being nice. You haven't even begun to see rude, boy."
"Yeah, rule one, you don't piss off a real Invader or the SpecOps sniper around you." Kazak turned up his music somewhat as he pulled off onto an onramp onto a highway to take them out of the city.
"And you…" Tak turned her attention back to Kazak. "I expect better from SpecOps. Casually walking about looking like that? What part of "discretion" don't you understand? I'm beginning to wonder if Vult sent you for your competency or to be rid of you. Your performance leaves much to be desired."
"Well, first off, I asked for this. Last time I went into combat with the team was Vort. Everything was fine up until Sula nearly got herself killed by a Vortian in a suit just like this from SIS. Had to save her and then kill the sniper. Zim's stupid enough that I could just walk in and punch him a few dozen times in the face and be done with it." He huffed in frustration. "I wanted to be alone again and that's what happened. What I was doing before he recruited me. I was a scout sniper on solo ops. I know my way around a battlefield just fine."
He paused and then spoke once more after a realization. "Name's Kazak, by the way. Since I already know yours."
"Vort?" Dib queried. "What's Vort?"
"Another planet. Homeworld of the Vortians." Tak responded, not in the mood to entertain Kazak's attempt at defending himself.
"Other aliens?"
"Yes, other aliens. An actual species worthy of full military action against unlike this pathetic rock."
"Uh-huh…"
"Dib?"
"Yeah?"
"...if you stay quiet for the rest of the trip, Kazak will stop for the frozen dairy product you worm babies enjoy so much and let you have access to our public archives."
"Ice cream?"
"Yes. Ice cream. Ice cream and all the reading to your heart's content. Just…shut…up…please."
"Shutting up."
The sniper shook his head and took a breath. "And already this is turning out to be a swell trip."
Relieved the human child wasn't going to press further buttons, Tak leaned back in the seat with a huff. "You said you requested this assignment. Be wary of what you ask for."
"Yeah, no shit." Kazak reached into the console to withdraw a Swiss military style soft cap and put it on his head after taking his targeting visor off and stowing it within before closing it.
She watched him exchange the visor for the odd hat with incredulous confusion before reaching over and snatching it off of his head.
"What part of "blend in" did you not understand? I have seen literally ZERO humans with this since I've arrived. Stop doing things to attract attention to yourself, idiot!"
Swell…
"Yeah let me just find the next idiot somewhere, knock him out, and steal his clothes. I didn't get trained in this secret agent fuckery that you Invaders do. Want someone to sneak around a battlefield and put a hole in the head of some enemy general or leader, I'm your guy. You Invaders are…you're something else."
"For Irk's sake…" Tak grumbled in annoyance, reaching into her disguised backpack for a familiar device not unlike the "watch" she currently wore. Her deft digits tapped buttons and keys about it, cycling through several different projected screens and making adjustments. "Not every battlefield is mud, blood, and trenches. We'll come up with something more suitable later, for now I need you to not look Irken. Give me your wrist."
Kazak held out his right arm for her, keeping his left on the wheel as they left the city behind, entering the suburbs, but still some considerable distance to go.
Snapping the device wround his wrist, she pressed the largest of the buttons with an audible beep. The space around Kazak nearest his body fizzled like a poor-quality digital signal before returning to normal visual clarity. Gone was the armored alien space man. In his place was an uninspired, well-kept, black-suit and tie adult human male.
"There…you look like one of this nation's investigators. IIA, if you will. Matches your chosen transportation."
"That's so cool! Can I get one of those?" Dib commented, mesmerized by the display.
"We're not giving some ludicrous non-space faring species access to this technology!"
"Hey! We are too space-faring! We've been to the moon!" The human boy defended, pointing to the roof of the vehicle.
Moon? That white thing he passed on the way in? Kazak laughed. "I just spent six months at FTL just getting here."
"Six-...that's impossible!"
"No, it isn't." Tak corrected tiredly. "We have mastered interstellar travel. As have other races. You don't know about them or have seen them because of your primitive technology being unable to leave your home system. Ee-arth-"
"Earth." Dib corrected.
"Earth. Future debris field if you interrupt me again…is quite literally on the edge of the known universe to the Irken. A backwater rock and current exile to your favorite little obsession. It's why our leaders sent him here. To be as far away as possible from the rest of us."
"Why though? If he's such a menace to your people…we usually put people like that in prison. Or worse."
Tak's eyes drifted to Kazak's disguised form momentarily before returning her attention back to the young man.
"...apparently there is more to it than any of us could have hoped to imagine and we are about to find out why in due time."
"After we stop for ice cream though, right?"
"...yes, after we stop for ice cream…and you should probably contact your father at some point before you are reported missing."
Dib's excitement deflated somewhat at the notion.
"...yeah, I should. I will."
His change in disposition did not go unnoticed by the Invader-to-be. Rather than delve into the matter then and there, she settled for turning back around in her seat. What a horrible, terrible turn of events to go from enacting her not-revenge and right past mistakes to…whatever this had become. Ensuring the newly-arrived Spec Ops soldier didn't compromise everything to impromptu smeetsitting of an annoying human child.
Perhaps Planet Dirt wasn't so bad after all…
Similarly Kazak was partially wishing he had his PAK ripped out on Vort right around now. He pulled off the highway into a suburban strip mall with an ice cream shop and a store selling alcohol among the choices there. Alcohol…now that was something he understood.
"Okay, Tak, before I do anything stupid…" He reached into a pouch on his belt underneath the disguise and withdrew a handful of coins, mostly gold and silver. "Do the locals use these as currency or did I somehow screw this up too?"
She leaned over for inspection.
"No, that is correct. Those are the local currency."
Tak reached into one of her own pockets, pulling out several bits of green-inked paper to thrust at Dib.
"Here. Go get your ice cream, snacks, and whatever else you need to not starve to death. Make it quick."
"...Tak, this is $300."
"I'm aware."
"Alright then…" He shrugged, throwing his seat belt off and hopping out of the SUV.
Once provided momentarily reprieve from his annoyance and eavesdropping, she tiredly rubbed at her eyes.
"...so what are you intending to do with Zim? You're keeping him alive, why? Why bother coming this far out to him?"
"Grimm started looking for him recently, asking around." Kazak began, "He had a massive blow at Vylat. The Tallest Cyur was destroyed before the invasion even started and then he commits to an invasion with just the Elites and gets four hundred thousand Irken turned into bug food. The Warmaster wanted to strip him from command but High Marshal Xilch stopped it. That's the last I heard before I started heading this way. Whatever Grimm wants with him, it must be him up to his old tricks…and there's history between the bunch of them."
"Which you say is detailed and documented." She added, gesturing with the dataslate. "...okay…you want the good news or the bad news first?"
"Bad, used to that from when I was under Vaukt, never changed for me."
"The boy? His father is arguably the smartest living human on this planet. I am unsure what that entails capability-wise, but the level of security surrounding him is why I did not choose him as my false father and integrate into their family. Professor Membrane is what Turb'Zharic is to the Vortian people."
"So that explains why you didn't opt for using him as your cover…what's the good news?"
"That was the good news. Dib, annoying as he is, is highly intelligent and capable. Zim, idiodic or not, is a walking disaster and bringer of doom. Earth remains unaffected because of his meddling into Zim's stupid plans. His obsession allowed me to narrow my search down and find Zim without alerting the local authorities."
A sigh as she leaned back in the seat.
"...the bad news is he is legally an adolescent and we are not his guardians. Human law is strange and fickle, varying from nation-to-nation. Neglectful as his father is, the education system will want to know where he is if he isn't attending school. However primitive they may be, they can be problematic in great numbers with the backing of nations to their authority."
"So…we can't just keep him indefinitely…and then there's the absolute mess we left back at Zim's eyesore of a base. Great…just great." Kazak facepalmed. "Well this is already going swimmingly. This is your realm of expertise. On a scale of zero to fucked, how screwed are we?"
"Zim's base is a non-issue. Humans are dull. Lazy, even. They will write the cause off as something mundane to avoid further responsibility. Bare minimal effort by forging documents and closing investigation. My guess? A gas leak and condemn the property."
Tak watched through the windshield as Dib, basket laden with a myriad of food items and drinks, waited to conclude the transaction.
"...today is Friday. The education system permits the children the next two solar cycles to do as they wish. Saturday and Sunday. Monday is when he will be required to return to the learning center." She thought aloud as Dib gathered up his bagged groceries. "We have two days to convince him to keep his mouth shut and play along or dispose of his body and deal with the wrath of the human's greatest mind."
"Joy…" Kazak eyed the alcohol shop and glanced down, seeing a small gun shop as well. "I think I'm going to need some drinks the longer I'm here. Do you think I should also pick up some local armaments?" He drew his Vortian machine pistol from the thigh holster on his suit out from under his disguise. "These are going to stick out on this planet I'd imagine. I also cannot imagine any species' Internal Affairs types being unarmed."
"Don't bother. Both of those require government-issued identification and are age-restricted with supporting documentation for authenticity." She dashed his hopes before continuing. "There are illicit ways outside of the system to acquire those items. Let's get your new roommate to his new home and deal with the child first before considering long-term plans."
"Right." With Dib's groceries loaded in the trunk and hopping back into the back seat with Zim, Kazak started the car once more and went back to the highway. The drive took them far outside of the city, leaving the suburbs behind. He definitely chose a fine spot in the middle of the countryside. Pulling off the highway to a sparsely populated town, he continued down the street until he reached a road for a long abandoned ranch property. Instead of going through the closed gate, he turned off onto a side dirt road before pulling off and going off-road through some woods before coming to a stop.
Before them, a Vortian long range stealth shuttle in light gray. Kazak's ship, in a clearing large enough for him to set down in and in quite the secluded location. Another, much smaller vessel originating in Empire design but substantially modified, was landing next to Kazak's vessel in the clearing as they were pulling up. Likely a result of autopilot tracking its owner.
"Well, here we are. Fancy autopilot, by the way." Kazak turned off the car, taking the keys and stepping out, pulling Zim out of the back seat and walking to the shuttle, opening the door and stepping inside.
"One unintended perk of Planet Dirt was having access to recovered Armada salvage deemed a total loss. Plenty of parts and components to modify and fabricate." Tak observed in response as Dib and MiMi followed suit.
It didn't take long for excitement to overcome Dib as he rushed towards the resting spacecrafts. An unkind hand ensnared his collar, yanking him back.
"Ack! Wh-"
"Stop. Listen." Tak interrupted him sternly, going as far to deactivate her disguise. The violet-eyed Irken face-to-face with him now. "Are you listening?"
"..." Dib blinked, more caught off-guard by the sudden change of appearance and being so close to her. His delay earned him a firm shake.
"Dib!"
"What? Yes, yes, I'm listening."
"For your safety and ours…do not touch anything. These are not your primitive cars. They are interstellar starships. If I end up stranded here, I will strangle you to death with my bare hands."
"I missed when you were just mean to Zim…"
"That has not changed. This is serious. We…" she gestured between herself and Kazak. "Don't normally do this."
"Do what?"
"Keep primitives as pets or target species alive."
"Wh- I'm not a pet! You invited me to come!" He defended, knocking her hand away from his collar.
"So I didn't have to kill you!" She growled at him, sighing in exasperation. "...Look, just…don't touch anything, alright? No pictures, either."
"Fine." The human boy huffed, moving past her with the intent of boarding once Kazak unlocked the vessel.
Kazak came back out of the shuttle, his own disguise disabled and the Irken in Vortian armor once again visible. He retrieved his cap and targeting visor from the car, donning the cap, before digging the burlap sack containing GiR out of the trunk and heading back to the shuttle. Zim was inside, casually tossed into a wall locker that would have to do as a makeshift cell.
Inside, one of the benches of seats was turned into a cot by the sniper. A computer terminal toward the front as well as a suit cradle for his armor in case he needed to do any diagnostic work. Vortian food stuffs abound in the shuttle in storage crates. He was definitely packed for a long trip.
GiR was casually dropped onto a workbench extended over a bench of seats as the sniper took one of the empty seats.
"Well, welcome to what I spent the last six months in. Not exactly a corvette, but it's big enough for a couple of people going on a long range special forces mission, outside of the usual team insertion job." Kazak reached into a nearby wall cabinet for a pack of Vortian cigarettes, he was saving his smokes and what alcohol he had. He lit one and took a drag of it, he gestured to the terminal once Tak entered.
"Got a copy of everything the Commander had in their systems as to what we learned before I headed this way. Six months out of date by now but good enough."
About the time Dib entered, following after Tak and taking it all in with wonderment, movement from within the brig garnered everyone's attention. Zim appeared to have regained consciousness and was stirring about. A shake of his head to return his senses, he climbed to his feet, realizing he was not at his base…or permitted freedom of movement with the heavy restraints about his ankles and wrists while secured to the center of the floor.
"What is this?! Where am I?! TELL ME!" He demanded, noticing the presence of his arch nemesis with a venomous sneer. "Dib…I should have known this was your doing!"
"Me? I had nothing to do with this."
"You're lying! LYING!"
Tak stepped forward, a fist rattling the bars to startle the diminutive defective within.
"QUIET!"
"Release Zim! I demand to be released! Earth must be conquered!"
Dib, casually helping himself to one of the juice boxes purchased, shrugged.
"Just ignore him. He loses interest or gets bored."
"A task easier said than done when he shreds antenna with his shrill voice." Tak muttered, turning her attention back to Zim. "You wish to speak? Fine. Indoor voice or you'll end up like your beloved servant."
Her hand gestured to the nearby worktable where GiR resided as a pile of metallic plating, wires, and circuitry.
"GiR! You fiend!"
Kazak took a drag of his smoke before looking at Zim. "I'm the fiend? Says the man who assassinated Miyuki and Spork at Grimm's behest. Threw everything into turmoil and brought about a swath of unnecessary conquest and lost lives." For emphasis, Kazak rose from his seat, drawing his Vortian machine pistol and stuck it in Zim's face right between his eyes. "If I didn't have any instructions otherwise. I'd just kill you where you stand, but we need you alive and we need answers. You damned Grimm lackey."
Zim leapt back at the threatening insinuation with clenched teeth of anger, growling with effort.
"How DARE you accuse me of such disgusting, vile acts! She was right, you are the traitor! Traitor!"
Dib's eyes widened at the sight of a weapon pushed to Zim's head…by his own people.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey-"
Tak, palm unkindly to the boy's chest, shoved him against the nearest bulkhead, pinning him there. "Stay out of this."
"No!" He struggled to free himself.
"No?"
"Yeah, no!" Dib defied, finally fighting out of her grasp. "He's already locked up! Chained down, even! What is he going to do? Don't antagonize him!"
Kazak looked at Dib and then back to Zim. "Simply making it clear how I feel about the man and all the trouble he caused…how many friends I lost by the events he and the Supreme Commander have set into motion." The weapon returned to its holster before he continued. "I do more than accuse, Zim, I have evidence. Straight from the Supreme Commander himself. Spilled everything to Skrem attempting to recruit him into the same plot. He started looking for you again recently too. Wants to get his tried and true weapon out of the closet by the look of it."
Kazak's pointed insinuations fell on deaf antenna…or dull ones. Zim looked back at him, blinking in confusion.
Assured Dib wasn't going to do something foolish in intervening, Tak turned her attention back to the Spec Ops marksman.
"You are really bad at this, you know that?" She commented with a huff. "You speak to him as if he's aware he's been played for a fool. Far as he's aware, he's done no wrong and loyally served the Almighty Tallest despite his shortcomings. They gave him his mission of conquering Earth for Impending Doom II."
"Yes, precisely, for I am the be-"
"Shut. Do not interrupt me." Tak glowered at him, looking back at Dib. "You want to make yourself useful?"
"Will it get Zim off of my planet and all of you leave us alone?"
"...yes."
"You hesitated."
"Because I don't know for certain. He and I have no interest in your planet. Zim is here as a punishment for being too stupid to function and serves as a form of morbid entertainment for our leaders."
"...wow…that's…"
"Yeah." Tak continued, gesturing to the terminal. "You're the resident expert to him and I know you are of above-average intelligence. The information Kazak brought with him-"
"Connect the dots, make notes, and explain it to Zim." Dib quickly answered before sipping his juice.
"...yes, that." She blinked, mildly impressed with his deductive reasoning.
"On it."
Kazak simply threw his hand up in frustration as he went back to his seat to continue his smoke. "Yeah, not my thing, just like everything that doesn't involve turning some son of a bitch into a corpse." He muttered in frustration as he watched Dib go over to the terminal. "...Wait, can he read Vortian or Irken at all? A lot of the stuff is in Irken but there's stuff in Vortian on there."
The boy rummaged around in his overcoat as he sat at the terminal, searching his pockets. Eventually, he produced an odd amalgamation of clearly Empire technology and what passed for Earth's electronics and computer components. Something likely pilfered from Zim's base at one point or another. A compatible connector to slot into the terminal.
"What is that? What are you doing?" Tak demanded, storming over as he threw his hands up.
"I-it's a decryption translator! I promise! I made it myself using stuff from Zim's lab. It lets me read all of his files in your written language." He hurriedly explained as the device went to work, quickly sifting, sorting, and processing the terminal's files into a decipherable format.
"That's where those parts went! You stole from Zim!" The incarcerated Invader accused.
"Yes…yes he did…" Tak acknowledged, surprised once again. Her assessment of his capabilities was proving to be true yet again. More true than expected. Fascinating, really.
Kazak looked over as well, finishing a drag and exhaling before walking over and seeing Dib's device translate the Irken text into a format he couldn't read. Bunch of random lines that made no sense to him. But, the fact that a human was able to take Imperial technology and meld it with his own to make something like that was impressive…and for a child?
"I'm…actually impressed. Next thing he's going to tell us is that he also made a passive camouflage system somewhere but it's in his other pocket or something fancy with computers." The sniper cracked a slight smile before looking at Tak. "And he's one of the less common cases with this species being this intelligent? Aside from Vortians I don't know anyone else who could do that sort of thing."
"It's a suit." Dib commented as he began perusing the files that were translated.
"What is?" Tak queried.
"The passive camouflage system. It's a suit. I don't have it with me though. It's how I snuck into Zim's base undetected."
"GiR asleep in front of the glowing idiot smartbox is not sneaking in, Dib!" Zim countered from his cell. "Stupid, stupid, Dib, you're helping me destroy your planet!"
"Your base being wrecked, you being kidnapped, beaten up, and held prisoner is all part of your plan?"
"Yes! All according to plan!"
"I've seen Imperial Troopers do a better job at fighting their way out of a wet rug than you do trying to get out of a wet paper sack." Kazak shook his head. "Okay, I'm starting to like this kid. That ain't bad at all…what I tried to cook up before I got this armor and its active camouflage system."
The sniper went back over to Zim. "You really should've been the one sent to Dirt. Tak's the one who clearly deserves being an Invader. She is one as far as I'm concerned." A pause to take another drag. "This isn't part of your plan. If it were, would you have really been going Nooooo! My beautiful base!" Kazak mocked the restrained Invader. "If it was, you should go back to flipping burgers on Foodcourtia."
Zim stood there, defiantly smug despite his circumstances.
"You question my methods while barely able to complete your own without a Janitorial Drone's help! Whatever it is you're scheming, it will fail. FAIL! Victory for ZIM!"
"Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night, loser."
"Kazak." Tak chided, her expression incredulous. "Really? Arguing with him?"
"Yes, soldier drone, admit defeat. Admit Zim's superiority!"
Before the Spec Ops soldier had a meltdown of his own, Tak intervened. Stepping towards the bars, she procured an emitter from her PAK, placing it on the floor near the center. A button press later, a metallic framework rapidly formed itself and cast a shimmering shield of energy. Zim's actions became pantomime as his voice no longer carried through, leaving only his animated movements and anyone's guess to what he was saying.
"There…can't believe I have to separate you two."
"It's either that or I was going to graduate him to ash tray." The sniper walked out of the back of the shuttle to finish his smoke outside. Once he took a seat on the ground outside, he was wondering why that SIS Vortian hadn't done him in before Ruk arrived or why Sula saved him from drowning in that sewer cistern. Either was looking preferable on this planet the more time went on. Though that Dib kid was smarter than he looked.
What have I gotten myself into…