Shelter in the woods

I didn't know what was going on when Connor grabbed my wrist and led me out of the longhouse. His steps were quick and determined and it was hard for me to follow. I stumbled beside him while we passed another longhouse and finally entered the next one. There wasn't much light inside, but two women were sitting around one of the fire and a little girl was sitting on one of bunk-like beds and played with her doll. All of three of them interrupted what they were doing and watched us curiously as we entered the longhouse. Connor let his eyes roam over the beds, nodded shortly as we stopped in front of one, let me go, kneeled down and took a bundle of furs which he laid onto the bed and unfolded it. He put one fur after another aside, judgingly until he nodded again and took a decorated dagger-sheath out of the corner. He shortly pulled out the weapon, before fastening the sheath on his belt, folding the furs again and wrapping other things inside them.

"What are you doing?", I asked while watching him.

"Preparing myself", he answered. "We are not going to stay."

"So your clan-mother decided that I am not allowed to stay?"

The answer was a nod and basically I had expected it, but not his reaction.

"But what do you mean with "we" are not going to stay? This is your home. I cannot ask you to leave because I am not welcomed."

"You do not have to. It is my decision." Connor finally tied the furs into a bundle and took a bottle which he fastened it on his belt as well, before shouldering the bundle and turning to me.

"Oiá:ner's decision means that you have to leave the village immediately and it will be your certain death out there alone. Furthermore you are my wife, married or not. You belong to my side and I belong to yours. Either you stay or I will leave with you, everything else is out of the question. And now come."

He gave me no chance to answer when he already headed for the longhouse's exit. I hadn't known what to say anyway. I was torn between the feeling of joy because he didn't leave me alone and the reluctance to accept that he had to leave his people again. Because of me. He was determined but I didn't believe for a second that it was easy for him to go to the palisade, having the other's gazes on him. His steps were quick, his shoulders firm, but when we reached the fence, somebody called his name and Connor stopped abruptly. It was his mother who came running to us and stopped in front of him. Her face showed desperation and anger at the same time, but her voice only sounded desperate.

»Please, Ratonhnhaké:ton. Do not go. Think about what you are doing« She put a hand on Connor's arm, who only looked at it at first, before grabbing it gently and looking into his mother's eyes.

»What would you have done if the village had not accepted me? Because of my father«

»I had not care«, Kaniehtí:io answered without hesitation. »You are my son. If they had not accepted you, they had not accepted me. But it has nothing to do with this«

A faint smile flitted across Connor's face and he gently squeezed her hand. »It does. Lillian belongs to me and please believe me, I am sure of that. I will not let her go and still I have to accept Oiá:ner's decision. I have no choice, mother. Although it is not easy«

He embraced her and I heard him murmur »Konnorónhkhwa« before pulling away from her. Now Kaniehtí:io just looked sad, but she raised a hand and put it on his cheek. She didn't say anything as we walked past her and left the village.

Connor led me up the path we had come from earlier but instead of leaving the valley, he eventually turned left and left the trodden path. Through the trees, past rocks, along the steep hill that surrounded the valley. Each of our steps caused a quiet rustling when our feet moved the leaves on the ground and I often saw small animals like rabbits running away from us. One of the ended up with an arrow in its nape and dangling from Connor's hand while he led me through the forest. He walked determined along the broad river which was flowing into a small pond in front of the village in the valley. It was running through high, cliff-like rocks and the noise of a waterfall filled the air and made it difficult to hear something else from the environment. Only when he had passed the waterfall and the noised had become quieter, I dared to ask Connor where we were going. He pointed at a spot between the trees where I couldn't see anything at first.

"This is the border of the Kanien'kehá:ka hunting ground. Behind it, close to the river is an old cabin. It is not in a very good condition, but we have water and there is enough game. Until we know how to go on, it will be enough."

We kept walking until I finally saw the shape of a cabin in the rising darkness. It stood right beside a tree where somebody had built a platform into its crown, which was used by hunters to spot the game without being noticed. The cabin itself really wasn't in a good condition. It had been roughly built with wooden planks and beams, but everything was rotten and the openings in the wood appeared bigger than they should have been. It was purposive and not intended to be comfortable but at least its roof was intact and Connor was certainly right about that it was going to be enough for now. To camp her was more reasonable than in the middle of the forest under the sky. Especially in this season.

The rickety door opened under a loud squeal of the hinges and the musty scent of wet wood rose into our noses. The cabin itself was empty and after Connor had shortly checked it, he dropped the bundle of furs onto the stone-ground and gave me an almost apologetic gaze.

"Like I said, it is not the best I can provide you at the moment, but..."

I raised a hand, shaking my head and interrupted him. He shouldn't think about such things.

"It's fine. It's enough for me if it's dry at least", I said with a faint smile and ran my hand over the wooden wall until it ended in a narrow opening.

"The night will be cold", Connor said. "I hope the furs will be enough, but I will go and gather some wood. We should be able to ignite a fire in here."

I simply nodded and watched him dropping the dead rabbit and leaving the cabin again. Only when I thought he was out of earshot, I allowed myself a deep sigh and leaned against the wall to bury my face in my hands. I had the feeling that I couldn't think straight anymore. Too much had besieged my mind in the last couple of hours. Too much to realize it. I was afraid of what was going on, all these events and changes that hadn't been positive for me, but for Connor. He had got his mother back, as well as his people. But instead of being with them, he had to stay in an old cabin in the woods with me. It wasn't fair and it wasn't fair that a small, selfish part of me was happy because Connor had decided not to leave me alone. But there was nothing I could do to compensate for it.

I took my hands from my face and leaned my head against the wall behind me, my eyes closed while I tried to calm my rushing thoughts. Only then I pulled away from the wall and kneeled beside the bundle on the ground to loosen the ties and open it. Connor hadn't packed much, but I hadn't expected it anyway. There were only some short ropes, a small metal-pot and a hock which seemed to belong to the pot. It wasn't much but probably the most necessary things. I put everything aside and took the three furs to unfold them. They had been carefully made of several pieces and I spread the largest and thickest of them over the ground, rolled up the smallest and laid it with the remaining one as pillow and blanket onto the other one. Ready was our simple bed which was much better than some others I had already slept on. Connor's concerns were unnecessary if he thought this wasn't enough for me. I sat down and ran my hand through the fur beneath me, lost in my thoughts until the door opened again and Connor entered, the firewood he had wanted to collect on his arms. He shortly looked at the bed I had created, until he dropped the wood and piled it up to a fireplace, where the flames were dancing shortly afterwards. I attentively watched everything he did, but he never raised his eyes. His face was expressionless while he crafted a rack out of the remaining twigs and the ropes he had brought with us, which he put over the fire and even when he told me he wanted to go outside to skin the rabbit, his expression didn't change and he remained with such short sentences. He also didn't talk to me when he returned, hung the skinned and gutted animal over the fire and waited until it was well-done. The whole time I thought about how to break this unpleasant silence. It unsettled me, although I could understand Connor's behaviour. The last hours hadn't been easy for him either and beside the serious decision he had been forced to make, there were certainly a lot of other things he was thinking about. I didn't feel different after all, but what could I say to take some of the burden from him? Everything will be fine? Ridiculous in the face of our situation.

So I remained silent, also when we were eating from the rabbit. The sun had set by now and the only light was given by the small fire that was also radiating a pleasant warmth. It had become noticeably colder and I longed for lying under the fur, closing my eyes and escaping this strange reality that was so different. I began to pull all needles out of my hair, combed the longs strands with my fingers and finally took the small pot to fill it with water and to wash the powder off my face. To get rid of all this pomp was a relief, one step back to my habits, but not enough yet. I unbuttoned the top of my dress and slipped out of it to feel for the laces of the corset which was making sitting anything but comfortable. My eyes moved to Connor, who was sitting by the fire and looked thoughtfully into the flames.

"Connor? Could you help me please?"

He blinked as I tore him out of his deep thoughts, nodded and came to me, to kneel behind me, stroked my hair over my shoulder and opened the laces, one after another. For a moment, the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the rustling of the wind in the trees. The silence slowly became unbearable and although I was unsure about what to say, I finally broke it.

"I'm sorry." Connor paused and I didn't need to see his face to know that he didn't understand. "I'm talking about what happened", I explained. "Whatever is going on here, you got your mother back and your people. You should be with them and enjoy the time, no matter how long it takes."

Silence, until Connor finally turned to my corset again. "Do not think about it", he said. "I think it is good that it ended like this."

"Good? How? Weren't you happy to see them again? To see your mother again?"

"Of course I was." Connor pulled the last laces through the openings and took the corset off me to tidily fold it and put it beside the furs. "But this is why it is good that we are not in the village anymore. I would have get used to everything , I would have remembered and then? Then everything would have changed again and they would be gone. It is better like this." He wrapped his arms around me, pulled my back gently against his chest and leaned his cheek against my temple. "Do not think about things you cannot change."

"It's easier said than done", I murmured and felt him tighten his grip around me.

"I know. I know you." A kiss on my temple and Connor pulled away from the embrace to stand up. "I will set some traps outside. Maybe I can catch something for tomorrow. I will be right back."

I only nodded and was alone in the cabin shortly afterwards. It was hard for me not to think about Connor's words. I understood what he had wanted to say. Everything that was happening here wasn't right. It was a twisted reality which could be gone soon and whose end I even wished for. Another farewell from his people and especially his mother probably would be more painful for him than his decision to leave her with me. But still I wished he could use this time. But he was right: Decisions had been made which couldn't be influenced. As wishful it may be.

I sighed quietly and began to take off the rest of my heavy dress, slipped out of the boots and finally under the fur. I bedded my head on the provisional pillow and curled up on my side. Exhaustion seized me and I only wanted to sleep. To escape all of this and I began to hope that this was only a dream after all. That when I fell asleep now and woke up again, everything would return to what it used to be. That I was lying in our own bed in our home and only had to think of what the day was going to bring me. With these thoughts I closed my eyes, but only slid into a dozy state at first, until the cabin's door opened and closed again and Connor lifted the fur to lay down beside me. He laid an arm over me and felt his forehead leaning against the back of my head. My eyes closed and fading out our environment, I concentrated on the familiarity I felt and finally it helped me falling asleep.

The next morning, I hardly dared to open my eyes. I had had chaotic dreams and couldn't even remember any details. The first thought I had was the hope that the past events only had been a confusing dream. But the more my mind arose from sleep and the more I noticed with closed eyes, the more this hope vanished. There was the fur underneath me, protecting me from the stone ground and the fur that was covering me. The light draft that was brushing my arms, made me shiver and pull them under the blanket again. The birdsong, the rustling of the wind in the trees. I was still inside the small cabin and when I opened my eyes, I looked directly at the cracked wooden wall. I gulped. So it hadn't been a dream. My uncle really had been alive. There had been soldiers who had threatened innocent villagers in the name of a king who wasn't supposed to exist. I had met Connor's mother who had died long ago and his people, who hadn't accepted my presence and that was the reason why we were here. In a shabby cabin, in the middle of the forest.

Slowly I turned onto my back and noticed that Connor wasn't lying next to me. Hastily I sat up and shivered again as the blanket slipped off my shoulders and the cold morning air bit through my shift. Even the fire which Connor had ignited again, didn't give enough warmth but I was relieved when Connor entered the cabin in this moment. He smiled a bit when our gazes met and dropped the bag he had carried over his shoulder.

"Both traps were empty. I will have to go hunting if we want to have something to eat."

"Can we go together? I could gather something. I know what's eatable after all."

Connor shook his head and sat down beside me to unroll the fur we had used as a pillow and laid it over my shoulders.

"Your dress will be hindering in the forest and I will not be able to keep an eye on you the whole time."

I frowned. "You don't have to."

"You do not know this forest. I do not want you to get lost."

I mumbled something incomprehensible. He was certainly right but I didn't like the thought of being alone.

"Will you be gone for long?", I asked quietly and Connor shook his head.

"I will stay close, I promise. Along the river is a place where many animals are gathering to drink. I am sure it will not take long until I shoot something and I will come back immediately."

"Alright then", I murmured and freed my arms from the blanket to wrap them around Connor's neck. "Take care of yourself. I'm afraid after everything...that happened yesterday."

I especially thought of the incident in the village and the threat this Arnold had made towards Connor. As peaceful as this forest appeared to be, I doubted that this threat had been an empty one. Connor leaned his head back and put a hand on my cheek when he looked at me seriously.

"As soon as I am back, we will talk about everything. We will find out what happened to us and how we can undo it. I promise."

I nodded and tried to smile. I believed him when he promised me to find a solution, but I was unsure how we could do so. If there was a solution anyway. But for now I kept this concern to myself and pushed it back, as I gently took Connor's face between my hands and kissed his lips.

"Enough promises. You have to keep them after all."

"I will." Now he laid his lips on mine but remained a bit longer before pulling away from me and I was alone shortly afterwards, only surrounded by the noises of the forest and with no idea what to do with myself now.

I guess no house cleaning for today, I thought sarcastically while my gaze slid through the small cabin. There was nothing for me to do, but eventually I took my corset and decided to cut it open with the knife Connor had left behind for me, to pull out the fishbone-sticks. I hoped I could wear it like a bodice afterwards, but soon I had to realize that it wasn't as easy as I had thought. Swearing loudly I threw the now unusable piece of underwear aside. In the same moment sounded a knock on the door.