Author's note: Thank you all again for the support, it is much appreciated! As always, if you see something wrong let me know.
Enjoy!
"Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?" – Alfred Lord Tennyson
Cliffside home, unnamed settlement, Rannoch, unknown date, sunrise
The morning rays of Tikkun her pale lilac skin bathed in a sea of brilliant orange and subdued red, it's warmth seeping into her like a close embrace. A breeze brought the fresh scent of the ocean air, bearing a slight saltiness, to her nostrils the fine particles of the mist tickling her nose. She sneezed allowing the sensations to overwhelm her, a smile now spreading across her face. She placed her elbows on the railing taking a deep inhale, relishing in the moment, her long black flowing in the wind. A small gust of wind ruined her moment, throwing her hair across her face haphazardly, she couldn't help but laugh at her predicament.
She removed the hair-tie on her wrist and attempted to gather the loose strings of hair that were blowing freely in the wind. A sigh escaped her lips now, the previous cheerfulness disappearing. But she had gathered the hair required and tied it into a fashion she was fond of, a human-style known as a low pony, leaving a single wisp of hair to dangle from her forehead. She found it suited her, framing her face properly accentuating the beauty she knew she had.
Tikkun had continued to rise during her struggle, however, the warmth of its rays now intensifying on her skin. It was still quite early in the day cycle, so she decided to sit on the comfortable chair that rested beside her, staring out into the vast expanse of ocean. She watched as frigates and cruisers headed towards the nearby spaceport, listening to the constant crashing of the waves in the cliffs beneath her. It was soothing, a reminder of her old life aboard the Migrant Fleet and her new life here on Rannoch. She still had trouble accepting her presence on the home world, an exile returned home after centuries of her ancestors wandering the stars.
Her hands reached for the mug on the table beside her, her tea still steaming hot despite her ruminations. Her mouth pursed, hovering over the steaming liquid, blowing air in a vain attempt to cool the drink down. She dared to bring the drink to her lips once she was satisfied, taking a sip and savoring the comforting concoction.
Once more her mind drifted, finding herself fortunate that she was able to indulge in moments like this. Tranquility of the highest form, free from the vestiges of her former life, free from the shackles of her environmental suit that now sat in a dresser in the room behind her. She was free, in a sense, free from the prison that had trapped her out of necessity for a significant portion of her adult life. It was still required for excursions off world, but here, on Rannoch she was free.
But, despite her adapting to the environment of the planet she found herself still adhering to what were not considered her people's antiquated views of modesty. She was by no means a staunch traditionalist, in her own home she wore what she wished, but out in public she draped her lithe form in the finest robes, covered her face with the highest quality silk veils. There was no desire to reveal herself, the people she held most dear had seen her, the real her l, and she was content.
She reminisced to when she had shown her bondmate her face for the first time. How he had gently stroked her cheek and wiped away the streams of tears that rolled down in thick streams. Placing a chaste kiss on her lips before placing her visor back on, worried about her potential sickness. She smiled thinking of how far they'd come, the trials and tribulations they had encountered in their past lives a distant memory. A slight chuckle left her, but her mood quickly deflated, as her mind focused now on his glaring absence.
She missed him, especially now considering the circumstances. It had been mere days, nearly a week, since he had left, but she longed for his return. Despite her relative peace an ache, a yearning, forced her to check her omnitool once more, reading the message he had last sent.
Nate_Shepard: Saera, I am so sorry for being caught up for longer than I thought. You are never far from my mind. As these meetings droll on and on, as politicians argue, or the marines miss their targets, I think of you. Standing next to me, showering me with your love and affection.
I will be there tomorrow morning, to watch Tikkun rise with you. I promise.
I love you. See you soon.
In all their time together he hadn't broken a promise, but as Tikkun slowly rose a disappointment grew in her. It was followed by a pang of guilt, one where she found herself chastising herself for holding him to such an impeccable standard. He loved her, and wished to be at her side as much as she had with him. A growl escaped from her, she'd talk to her father about sending him on such extended diplomatic missions in the future. Or at least allow her to join him.
The whirring of their bedroom door opening drew her from her reverie. She heard a bag drop to the floor, followed by a litany of cursing as he struggled to unlatch the various clasps on his environmental suit. Finally, she had heard the sound she had wanted to hear a hissing, the sound of decompression, a sign that she was that close to seeing his handsome face again.
She heard soft footfalls behind her. He approached her and gave her a peck on the cheek, his scent lingering, an intoxicating amalgam of lavender and vanilla, an herb and spice native to Terra, the human home-world. It was his signature scent, the mixture of the aromatic herb and the creaminess of the spice were what she had come to associate with him. It was her comfort, a calming medium when she found herself overwhelmed with her duties. A tight embrace, his armed wrapped around her while she sat in his lap and tinkered with a new device. Oh, how she longed for that closeness now…
He sat, sinking into the comfortable chair, a deflated sigh accompanied by the pinching of the bridge of his nose. She knew he was exhausted, but then he looked at her, the smile she had grown to love now forming, the previous showing of frustration gone. He tapped his hand on one of his thighs and she resisted the urge to join him, still upset he had be gone for long. She furrowed her brow and crossed her arms in feigned anger.
"I'm surprised you remembered me. How's your girlfriend doing?" She fought back the urge to laugh, the man was devoted to her and only her, but a little playful banter didn't hurt.
"She's good, she's good. She sends her regards. But you know how Quarian women are, so demanding, especially when it comes to their mates." He shrugged his shoulders, a smirk cracking his own stern façade. "How's your boyfriend doing?"
She fought back an urge to laugh, instead she hummed, answering his first retort. "We have to be demanding when we're paired with such a stubborn bosh'tet like you." Now she chuckled, "he's okay. He couldn't keep up with me like you can, so I threw him out. Such a shame, he had such an amazing body…" Her façade was cracking, despite the back and forth her body was inching closer to his.
He snorted, "oh, come on. I know you want to sit here with me. Don't think I don't see you practically out of that chair."
That was all it took, she finally gave in, standing and bounding the few steps it took to reach him, driving into him with such force she nearly toppled them both over.
"Well I'm happy to see you, too, mi alma." He chuckled, embracing her while she nuzzled into the crook of his neck. She was thankful he gave her the time to enjoy it, inhaling his masculine scent and rubbing her face against his smooth skin. She did that for what seemed like hours until she felt a loving caress on her hip, followed by a soft, loving voice.
"You know you're the only for me, right, neh'sah? And that I love you dearly?"
She nodded, now looking into his eyes, the softness that was always present when he gazed back at her was there. But now, it was joined by a touch of mirth.
"Then could you tell me why it seemed like you were marking me? Cats do that, you know, the Earth animal I've shown you countless times. They rub their heads along our bodies as if to say, 'hey, this person is ours.' Is that what you're doing? Saying I'm 'property of Tali'Shepard' and it keeps women away."
He laughed for a short while, but then there was a short silence as he contemplated his realization. He then asked another question, with a seriousness in his tone. There was no anger or annoyance in it, but it still unnerved her.
"Wait you are, aren't you? Marking me, that is. Is that why other quarian woman seem to avoid being near me, or seem nervous talking with me? Well, except for Lena, obviously."
Her fingers found themselves in a familiar spot, one that they hadn't ventured to in years when she was around him. She had grown comfortable around him, knowing that he would not judge her regardless of what she had to tell him. But still there was an uneasiness that flooded her when he encountered an unknown aspect of her people's culture that she hadn't previously explained to him. It hadn't occurred often for he had taken quite well to Quarians culture and customs, but certain intricacies, those that were ingrained, untaught that escaped his grasp. Things that questions couldn't quite answer effectively without an innate understanding. This was one of those moments.
"Yes, Shepard. It's something I've always done, especially since I started taking my suit off with you. Each time we embrace like this, when I bury my head into your neck or on your chest I release a scent. It lets other women know that you're bonded. That you're mine…"
She heard him sigh, which made her nervous. But looking at his face she saw a sadness there that concerned her.
"Neh'sah, what's wrong?" She cupped his face in her hands and looked at him with a pleading gaze. "Please tell me what's wrong."
"Do I…mark you…? Am I not doing what a bondmate should?"
She snorted, she couldn't help it. Here she had been worried that he'd find it weird, but instead he was worried that he couldn't do the same, that he was depriving her of a certain aspect of her culture that was potentially significant. She knew that was preposterous, she loved him with her entire heart and soul and he had given her nothing but the same in return. It made her heart flutter, how much he cared about her, and now she needed to reassure him like he had always done with her.
"Actually you do, Shepard. A human's sense of smell isn't the best, so you might not realize it but you have a particular scent. It's masculine, it's…I don't know how to describe it, but it's alluring, it's intoxicating. Even without the lavender and vanilla that I love so much…" She cleared her throat, attempting in vain to maintain focus.
"Whenever I touch your soft skin you mark me, like I do you. Be it when you embrace me tightly, when we snuggle like this, when we make love…"
She then became lost in thought, finding herself staring at him, her eyes flitting across and savoring his features. He was a handsome man, regardless of species, and she loved to admire She needed him, no, she wanted him right this moment. Her desire then overwhelmed her and she shifted her position, straddling him, resting her forehead on his. She leaned in her lips barely a centimeter from his, her eyes radiating feelings of love, of lust.
"I missed you…did you know that?"
She noticed that he swallowed hard, slowly nodding his head instead of responding, too entranced by her own features, his own eyes gazing intently at her mouth. She hovered over his lips, teasing him, urging him into making the first move.
"Did you miss me? You don't seem to be so talkative anymore, is it something I did or said."
A mischievous smirk spread on her face now, but it wavered quickly as she found a pair of five-fingered hands traversing her curves, drawing a slight moan from her. She arched her back into him, her body now flush with his, an invitation to explore other more intimate areas but he held firm, simply continuing to caress the contours of her body. It would do, for now.
"I did miss you. Like I said last night, you were all I could think about, my love. Imagining you alone in our bed without me, wondering if you were thinking about me."
She had thought about him, almost exclusively, recalling their rounds of lovemaking the night before his departure. He had taken care to pleasure her, and solely her, as he always did ensure that she had climaxed numerous times. At first it had filled her with guilt, that he himself had not focused on his own pleasure first and foremost. Her guidebooks had seemed to place emphasis on the fact that human males required near constant sexual release or relationships would suffer. In retrospect she knew that had clouded her judgment, and that Shepard was a very caring and unselfish lover. But she allowed her own guilt and insecurities to foment until she had asked close friends who had relationships with human men if Shepard's behavior was irregular. She remembered the laughter and the light-hearted teasing that ensued. Their advice had been to talk to Shepard about it, to tell him that she herself would like to pleasure him like he had with her. But they assured her that having a man that was willing to put her own needs above his own, in all aspects, was a blessing not a curse.
And she now looked at the man in front of her, who clearly loved her and wanted her to experience nothing, but the best life had to offer. She'd be selfish this morning, she'd earned it.
"I did, Shepard. You were gone so long, and you left me all alone," she pouted. "How are you going to make it up to me, leaving me here all alone for days without you?"
She felt a pair of hands trail down her body, past her slim waist and onto her hindquarters, proceeding to knead at the soft flesh. She let out a loud moan, hearing him chuckle but found that he began placing placing feather light kisses along her jawline, moving down to her neck. She tilted her head to the side giving access, a sense of euphoria flushing through her. Light kisses were interspersed with what he had called "love bites," the contrast between soft and hard was arousing. She closed her eyes, savoring the contact, feeling light kisses and suction on across her neck and throat. With each kiss she felt the wet heat between her legs increase, causing her to roll her hips to search for signs of his own arousal. She found it quickly, a throbbing hardness that she couldn't get enough of.
His hands once again trailed up her body until they reached their intended destination, fingers slipping under the strap of her nightgown pulling the thin piece of silk past her shoulders. The silk gown now rested in a pool of vibrant purple fabric across her hips leaving her chest exposed. She leaned back, continuing to roll her hips, exposing her breasts in the hopes he'd lavish them with attention.
"Shepard…please…"
But she heard no response. Nor did she hear the faint smacking of kisses releasing from skin, or the puckering that was the result of released suction. She opened her eyes, finding that night had fallen and that Shepard was nowhere to be found. She gathered herself, putting on her nightgown and robe, tying it together with a piece of fabric around her waist.
"Shepard, where are you?"
She received no answer, her worrying increasing. She had searched their room not finding him in their closest or their bathroom. Her calls for him now becoming more frantic as she now searched for him room by room.
"Shepard, this isn't funny where are you?"
Tears rolled down her face as her pleading became more desperate as each room had been devoid of his presence.
"Shepard, please, answer me. Where are you?"
She fell to her knees, sobbing, but once on the ground she heard a faint rustling coming from the direction of their dining room table. Through her blurred vision she noticed a hooded figure sitting with their back turned towards her.
"Shepard, is that you?"
Her plea was ignored, so she stood from her place on the floor and walked towards him, placing her hand on his shoulder once she reached him. He lowered his shoulder so that her hand slid off.
"Shepard are you okay? Please, talk to me? You know that you can tell me anything. Please, I'm begging you, tell me what's wrong?" Her tears began to fall again, concerned with his behavior. In the years that she had known him, even before their pairing, not once had he ignored her calls for him, not once had he shrugged off her touch. Even when he had suffered from bouts of severe depression, he hadn't treated her like this, no, what was bothering him now was different, far different. He answered a few moments later, in a whisper, one that she was barely able to hear.
"You left me to die on that ship. You didn't even bother to help me. You just let me die."
She went to embrace him, to assure him that all was fine, that he was with her in their home on Rannoch, but he stood and walked away, his back still turned to her. His voice however grew louder. And she heard it, a cold, emotionless tone far from the warm, loving one that she had grown accustomed.
"You left me on that ship to die, to suffocate in the vacuum of space. To plummet to my death." His voice had risen now, causing her to flinch involuntarily, even under his command he hadn't raised his voice in such a manner at her.
"You didn't even bother looking for my body. You let them find me, and you let them do this to me. Why didn't you stop them?"
He let loose that final sentence in a crescendo, the deep baritone cracking through the air like a whip. She hadn't noticed, but he had pulled his hood down, revealing his face to her. Gone were the features she had seen that morning, replaced now by blood red fissures that flared in the darkness. She made no effort to hide her weeping, his outburst had overwhelmed her, and it was all she could do, unable to speak or address the man in front of her. But this was not Shepard, this was an abomination, a monster. It was not the physical appearance that had made it so, it was his treatment, how devoid of feeling he was, how detached he was from her own present state. Her Shepard would not allow this, he would console her, holding her in his arms until her tears dried and her laughter filled the room.
He was not that Shepard now, but she still found herself drawn to him, wanting to console him, to bring him back from the precipice. She peered at the man, who had still been staring at her with a lifeless expression, a slight hint of pain behind it.
She had now found the courage to speak, hoping it may perhaps calm him down, and allow for her to comfort him and ease out what had been troubling him. She closed her eyes and took a breath, preparing herself for the emotional exchange that was about to occur, but when she opened her eyes, he wasn't there. He was gone.
Their front door was ajar, the cold night air seeping into their empty house. She ran outside, attempting to finding the man who had been in front of her mere seconds before, standing on the edge of the cliff facing her, his arms stretched wide. She ran to him, screaming for him to reconsider, pleading with him not to abandon her. She had been an arms length from him when she heard his last words, a mere meter from being able to pull him back from the edge.
"I'm sorry, Tali, I can't do this anymore. Please, forgive me."
The man leaned back, falling into the expanse of rocks below. Her shriek pierced the night air.
"Shepard!"
She screamed into the night until the lack of air in her lungs prevented her. Her heart was shattered, she couldn't suffer without him again, she wouldn't. She had done so years before, suffering in silence, her soul crying out in hopes of reuniting with its other wandering half. She hadn't succumbed to those pleas then, but found them irresistible now, the chance to reunite with her beloved with the Ancestors and enjoy an eternity free of burdens. She stood and walked to the edge, staring down at the water below. She took a deep breath, steadying herself. She turned her back to the ocean and precariously balanced herself so that her heels were hanging over the edge.
She refused to mourn him, she had done so once before, but now, she would join him. She allowed rather herself a final prayer, a greeting of sorts to her now departed love.
"I love you, Shepard. I'm coming. I'll join you with the Ancestors soon."
She then closed her eyes and made the plunge. She held no regrets, her body plummeting towards the jagged rocks below. She smiled, her surroundings disappearing, rapidly engulfed by a sheer darkness.
She slowly opened her eyes and found her surroundings cloaked in a familiar purple hue. She was lying on a bed in the cramped quarters she had been raised in. There was no house with a spacious bedroom or a luxurious view, she had no bondmate to hold her tight, she was alone, trapped in the confines of her suit and a wandering live-ship. It was then that she felt the constricting feeling of the leather tight against her skin, an urge to tear it off and enjoy a few fleeting moments before infection settled in and granted her the courtesy of joining Shepard with the Ancestors.
But she couldn't. She wouldn't.
Even if it was a dream, she cherished the freedom from her suit, her house on Rannoch, being bonded to Shepard, joining him with the Ancestors. But she accepted it all for what it was, a tease, a false reality she manufactured as a coping mechanism for her grief to prevent it from fully overtaking her.
But despite such a soul-crushing revelation there was a calmness present within her that she hadn't experienced in quite awhile. The ache in her soul was still there, a distant yet trusted companion, but she wasn't consumed by her grief as she often was, instead a feeling of happiness coursed through her. She was curious as to why that was, the suddenness of it but she didn't question it further, surrendering herself to the new emotion.
She founded herself in the living space alone, but wondered if her father was there. She doubted it, but her newfound outlook allowed her to maintain a cheerful disposition. There was no harm in hoping she might engage in a pleasant conversation with her father. She decided to call out for him, anticipating a response.
"Father, are you home?"
She waited a few moments but there was no acknowledgment, a response she had assumed wouldn't come. It was a rare circumstance that brought him back to the Rayya, preferring to sleep and rest on his own research vessels rather than coming home. It had frustrated and saddened her, especially in her childhood, but in the years after her mother passed, she understood. The emotional detachment, the obsession with his duties, all were meant to distract from the inner pain that plagued him. While she hadn't known what pain he had hidden that caused his absence in her childhood she knew what caused it now, felz'elt. The intense grief had latched onto his psyche, taunting him on a constant basis, whispering promises of reunion, of eternal bliss if he he simply gave in. He hadn't, but she knew it tormented him. It wasn't a secret, the sole reason he hadn't succumbed to his grief was her, likely the result of a vow he shared with her mother not to abandon her.
A sound came from her father's quarters, startling her. Apparently he had come home, and she had disturbed what little rest he was managing to get.
"Father, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were sleeping, I didn't mean to wake you. I'll leave now."
A nervousness now appeared a reflex for when she assumed she had angered or disappointed him. She hung her head in shame, awaiting his shouting or a diatribe regarding her lack of attention but instead of an emotionless, masculine voice, she heard a feminine one, soft and loving. It was familiar, eerily so, and she found herself drawn to it. She looked at the door frame and found an unmasked woman, leaning against the doorframe, smiling at her.
"Now, khe'nah that is no way to greet your mother. Come give me a hug."
She stood in disbelief, unable to respond. Her mother had been dead for years. She was there in that clean room, holding her mother's hand, the woman reduced to a babbling mess as she suffered from a fever-induced delirium. It had taken her years to overcome the psychological damage, the lingering images of her mother lying alone in a clean room with no one to offer her comfort as she took her dying breath. It pained her, and now here she was standing in front of her, exhibiting the exact behavior that caused her death, exposing herself to the elements, due to her own obsession with being "free."
"The human got such delays when you saw him, why do I have to suffer? Do you not miss me, Tali?" There was a teasing in her mother's voice, but she was too dumbfounded to discern it, taking several steps back from the woman.
"Mother. How are…you're with the Ancestors now…you've been with them for years, how…? I must get father, he needs to see you, too."
She made a lunge at the door but felt a hand grab her wrist, pulling her back.
"Khe'nah, please, sit. It's okay. And do not worry about your father, I see him quite frequently."
She noticed her mother smile, it was heartwarming and full of love, just as she had remembered it. Coming to her senses she embraced the woman wholeheartedly, releasing years of pent up emotions in the tightness of the embrace, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. It was overwhelming, but she didn't care, she'd lose herself to these emotions, the unbridled joy of seeing her mother again, the peace she felt in her embrace.
She felt herself being lowered onto the couch, her mother still holding onto her tightly. It took a few moments, her mother continuously rubbing small, comforting circles on her back, but she had regained some semblance of her composure or at least enough it to speak.
"Mother, I missed you so much. I-I'm sorry for not talking to you as much as I used to. You must hate me…"
"Tali, there's no need for apologies, and I most certainly do not hate you. There's no need to hold on to such painful memories for that long. You mourned and then lived your life, that's all I can ask for, khe'nah."
She nodded into her mother's shoulder, nestling herself deeper into her mother's hold. She glanced at the woman briefly, the purple hue of her visor obstructing the natural coloring of her mother's face. It angered her that she was hesitant to remove her mask, to reveal her face to her mother. She had been unable to before she had passed, the risk of infection and sickness preventing her from showing her what she had wanted to since she had received her first "adult" suit. It was a decision she regretted, but now? There were no risks involved, it was just her and her mother, in their quarters sharing a tender moment.
She released herself from her mother's hold briefly, placing her hands on either side of her visor. A sudden rush of anxiousness, but she pushed it aside and unclasped the latches on the sides of her visor, the environment now free of the annoying purple shade that had once covered her vision. The rest of her helmet soon followed, her hair now cascading down to her shoulders. She now looked into her mother's eyes unencumbered by the restrictions of suited life, the harsh realities of inevitable infection a distant concern, seeing nothing but a mother's love and affection.
A three-fingered hand gently wiped away the tears that were on her face, accompanied by a soft humming, a calming lullaby she remembered from her childhood. It went on for a few moments before her mother spoke again, her voice soft.
"Forgive me for the suddenness of the question, but a mother must pry. Is it true that you've bonded with a human?"
She froze, she hadn't told her mother about Shepard, even in the few times that she had prayed to her while she was on the Normandy. Now here she was, asking if she had bonded with a non-quarian who might not even have feelings for her.
"Relax, child. I am not upset, you love who you love, I will not judge. So long as he makes you happy, that all that matters to me." Her mother's fingers had begun to deftly maneuver between her tresses, braiding the hair in an intricate style she had not seen since she was a child. "Tell me about him, khe'nah. I'd like to hear about the man who has earned my daughter's affections."
She sighed, she considered not answering but the allure of adult conversation with her mother had proven to be too much.
"He's wonderful, mother, so caring and kind and thoughtful. He's done so much for me. He saved me on my pilgrimage and gave me a place on his crew, his team. He's always been there for me when I need him, no matter what." She swooned, not hearing her mother chuckle at the sound. "Even now, mother, when I suffered from a nightmare he comforted me, falling asleep with me, not worried about what others might think of it."
"He sounds like the perfect man for you, khe'nah. He's also quite attractive, for a human, is he not?"
Her face had grown hot, a flush now firmly stained her cheeks. She hasn't expected her mother to say that, and while she wasn't wrong, it was quite shocking. But still, she couldn't help but laugh.
"You're right mother. He's quite handsome, isn't he?" But as quickly as the flourish of giddiness had appeared it vanished, replaced by an overwhelming sadness. It seemed her mother had caught on and stopped with her braiding, placing her hands on her shoulders.
"Tali, what's the matter? Why are you troubled?"
The thought of telling her mother that she had bonded to a non-quarian that might not even feel the same for her brought tears to her eyes. How careless and naïve she must seem, falling in love with a man who had treated her with kindness and respect not because of his own love for her, but because it was to be expected. She had gone and developed an attachment to the first person who was willing to listen to her, was willing to comfort her when she expressed feelings she had suppressed for years.
Then there were the nagging insecurities, the feelings of worthlessness that arose when she thought of Shepard's own potential feelings for her. She swallowed her pride, perhaps her mother would be able to offer some form of comfort while still easing her towards the damning truth, that Shepard couldn't feel the same about her.
"I…I don't think he loves me, like I love him, mother. He's a human and I'm a Quarian, what can I offer him? I'm stuck in this suit; he can't see my face." Her breath hitched slightly, accompanied by the familiar stinging of tears . "He only sees me like a close friend, maybe even a sister. I'll never be his bondmate."
There was a long silence that followed, her mother undoubtedly thinking of a proper response, contemplating how best to temper her unrealistic dreams and expectations. She remembered several conversations like that with Shala'Raan, each centered on her moving on from the man who had earned her affections. He was gone, not to return, it was unbecoming of an Admiral's daughter to deflect duties, to conduct herself in such a manner. The woman hadn't wanted her to be alone, to be seen as cold, and she realized that, but she had found someone who completed her, the one who made her soul sing with happiness.
She noticed her mother had continued braiding her hair, not saying a word, which she found odd but perhaps she hadn't wanted to crush her hopes, her dreams. It felt like hours before her mother spoke again, the woman sighing in relief.
"Done, khe'nah. It looks so beautiful. Just like you are." She was about to ask her what she thought of her predicament when her mother then proceeded to stand and kneel in front of her, placing her hands on either side of her face.
"Tell him how you feel and do so with no regrets. The Ancestors have granted you a second chance, to be with the man who was taken from you. Do not squander it due to worry. If he rejects you, so be it. Be one of his closest friends khe'nah, be there for him when he needs someone."
"But mother, what if he rejects me and our friendships dies? I can't lose him again, I need him in my life, I can't live without let him." Her tears started to flow freely once again but her mother wiped them away, now moving to sit beside her and holding her. She held her like that for awhile, singing a familiar lullaby, rocking her back and forth. It was a soothing motion one almost made her drift off to sleep, but before her eyes shut her mother spoke again.
"We're a very emotional species, Tali. Some say it's of evolutionary necessity, others call it a blessing from the Ancestors to be able to feel with such depth. Regardless of the reasoning, we form strong attachments, bonds, with others. To some, like I said, it can be a blessing. But for others, it can seem to be a curse. Forming an attachment that's not reciprocated your soul left to anguish in solitude for eternity. But it doesn't have to be like that, you know."
"What do you mean, mother? Now that I've formed this bond to him, I can't form it with anyone else. I'm destined to be alone if he rejects me."
Her mother's response surprised her, it was a forceful scoff that almost made her tears start, but the woman held her tight against her.
"Child, that man might mean a lot to you, you might be bonding with him, but he is not your everything, do you understand? Your life exists beyond him. You have your own duties, friends, feelings to consider. Do not let a fear of loneliness or a fear of rejection prevent you from living your life, khe'nah."
She looked at her mother, stunned. The conversation hasn't gone as she had expected but when she went to respond, she found that her vision was slowly bathed in a blinding bright light. She began to panic, unsure of what was happening, but her mother remained calm, giving her one final embrace and sweet parting words.
"Go, khe'nah heed my advice. And remember I will always be here if you need it."
It was then that the woman's hold on her loosened and she began to fade, leaving her alone once again, but now, instead of overwhelming despair and sadness she had hope. She wasn't entirely certain how her own predicament would resolve, how she would tell Shepard how she felt, but she knew she would tell him eventually. It might not be soon, but she knew she would follow her mother's advice, to follow her heart and live her life to the fullest.
She smiled at the revelation allowing the light to finally consume her.
Khe'nah: literal, "home of my affection." Used with one's children.