Chapter Five – Rey's Doubts
Rey sat alone on one of the benches by the dejarik table in the main hold of the Millennium Falcon, as the guests at Leia's funeral departed the space that had once been Alderaan. Finn walked in and said, "How are you holding up?"
"I'll be alright," Rey answered. Seeing Finn's skeptical reaction she said, "Think of what this is like for Chewie or Lando. Chewie met her when she was 19."
"Chewie's having a rough go of it," Finn admitted. "I think Lando might be in the process of selling something to the Ithorians. Or buying. I can't tell."
"Probably both," Rey said with a grin. "I get the sense that he does that when he is sad. The way other people, you know, eat a lot."
"Just because it's hard on them doesn't mean it's not hard on you," Finn said gently.
"It is. It's hard on all of us," Rey replied.
"Come on, you aren't just one of the crowd. You were special to her," Finn said before adding peevishly, "In the way that, you know, I was not."
Rey stood up, taking a step towards Finn, and said, "Oh come off it, she made you a General."
Finn responded animatedly, "Everyone who was on Crait was made a General! Rose is a General! She cleaned the engines before Crait, and she made General before me!"
"She has seniority on you," Rey said with exasperation, "Also I'm not a General."
"Of course you're not a General, you're a Jedi. And Jedi outrank Generals right?" Finn said, suddenly looking unsure of himself.
"Jedi isn't a rank," Rey said quickly and then after thinking about it for a moment followed up with, "And I am not a Jedi."
"Really?" Finn said, surprised. "You trained for five years with her and she didn't make you a Jedi? How long does it take to become a Jedi?"
"She can't…couldn't just make me a Jedi," Rey said. "It's not like you get touched on the head with a lightsaber and 'poof' you're a Jedi." She turned around and walked back towards a shelf with the old Jedi texts on them.
"I know that," Finn said confidently. "I mean if she touched you on the head with a lightsaber your head would kind of go 'poof' but I know that's not how it works…. But how does it work?"
"I don't know how it works now. I know how it worked then," Rey said, gesturing at the Jedi texts. "But all their rules, they only make sense when there is a Jedi order. There is no Jedi order anymore. There's just me."
Rey turned around and looked pointedly at Finn, who appeared deeply uncomfortable before he cleared his throat and said, "So no hope from the extra-biological sources?"
"Poe was asking me about that," Rey said, "No."
"Maybe it's like you told me before, you didn't need their help because you had Leia. Maybe give them some time and they will show up. I mean who knows how long it takes them to get news, wherever they are," Finn said. He nodded for a few seconds seeing if his suggestion struck Rey as plausible, then asked, "Where are they, anyway?"
"Having never spoken to one I can't say I have any insight on those matters," Rey said, slightly annoyed.
"They don't talk about it in the books?" Finn asked.
"No, I think it's a relatively new thing that Jedi can do that," Rey said. "Although almost anything would count as new compared to those books."
"Oh," Finn said.
"This is stuff you could stand to know more about, you know," Rey said as she walked agitatedly around the cabin. "It wouldn't be the worst thing for you to know a little something about the Force."
"I know, I know. And it's not that I am not interested. I've just been…busy. Very busy. Generals have a lot of work to do," Finn said. As he finished speaking Poe walked up the ramp.
"Yes we do, and it's not done," he said.
"Poe," Rey said as a greeting.
"Hey there Supreme Grand Admiral," Finn said with mock officiousness.
"Are you still salty about that? Did you really want to be picked for this job?" Poe asked.
"No! But it would have been nice if everyone hadn't just, you know, assumed it would be you. I would have liked a few days where people were like 'Who's it gonna be?' And then I could have been magnanimous ahead of time and told people 'Its going to be Poe, and he deserves it.' But instead, everyone just assumed it would be you," Finn said in a hurry.
"Why would anyone think it would be you?" Poe asked incredulously.
"What?" Finn replied indignantly. "Well ignoring my many contributions to the Resistance over the last few years, how about a little thing like destroying Starkiller Base?"
"I destroyed Starkiller Base!" Poe said.
"Only because I told you where to shoot and led the insertion team that deactivated the shields," Finn said confidently.
"Han led the insertion team," Rey chimed in.
"Well, yeah, but of people available to take over the fleet, I was the most in leadership of the insertion team…," Finn said.
"Chewie was Han's first mate," Rey interrupted.
"Yes, but, and I don't want to sound mean, but are we really going to put him in charge?" Finn said, flustered at this point. "How many people in the command staff speak Wookie? You would need a translator standing by him all the time."
"You mean like 3-PO? Who is literally always on the bridge?" Poe asked. "Plus, dude, that's not…you don't want to say things like that."
Finn stammered a bit, flummoxed.
"Anyway, if it wasn't me, it would have been Rey," Poe said.
At the same time Finn said "Rey?" and Rey said, "Me?"
"Yeah. Leia was a Jedi, a Skywalker. That was re-assuring to people. Reminded them of a time before the Empire," Poe said. "Speaking of which…"
"What?" Fin asked apprehensively.
"I had a little conversation with the people from Coruscant," Poe said tentatively, to Finn's obvious frustration and Rey's equally obvious worry.
"Again with this?" Fin asked angrily. "Can't they just let us win the damned war before they start butting in?"
"No they can't, and you know that," Poe said. "The war is all but over anyway. There needs to be a smooth transition. Our fleet needs to be something more than just Leia's fleet if this is going to work, you know, better than it did 30 years ago. So there isn't a Second Order. The fleet needs to stay together, and it needs to take responsibility for protecting all the systems that want to join the New Republic."
"Shouldn't they call it the New New Republic? Maybe the Newer Republic," Finn asked, causing Poe to sigh loudly.
"Work with me here buddy. They want us on Coruscant," Poe said wearily.
"Us? Who is 'us'?" Finn asked.
"Us," Poe said, gesturing at the three of them in the room, "and some others. Rose, Chewbacca, Commander D'Arcy, the high command. They want to adopt the fleet and we need unanimity among the commanders to make sure it goes off without a hitch."
"Then why do they need me?" Rey asked.
"What?" Poe and Finn asked in unison.
"I'm not a member of the fleet. Not a commander. If they want to adopt the fleet why do they want me?" Rey elaborated.
"Come on," Poe said dismissively. "It's not like you haven't been on dozens of missions with us."
"You led most of them," Finn said.
"Not as an officer in the fleet, which I am not. And that's not why they want me, is it Poe?" Rey asked. Seeing Poe at a temporary loss for words she continued, "They want a Jedi, right?"
"People need symbols, Rey. Symbols from the past, a time when they were safe, will make them feel safe now. And we need them feeling safe. When they feel threatened, people do terrible things. They accept terrible things done in their name. You can make them feel safe. We all can, but you more than anyone else. The war is ending. The last remnants of the Empire are about to be destroyed. We have to start thinking of the future, and the future needs you, Rey," Poe said.
After the three of them stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, Finn sarcastically said, "Is that the first part of your speech for when we get there?"
Poe gave Finn an exasperated and annoyed look, which did not stop Finn from continuing, "Because I think, maybe, a little over the top." Putting his forefinger and thumb almost together by way of illustration, he said, "A little bit."
Poe, shaking his head, said, "Well I'm off. After the fleet deploys, we will need to head to Coruscant. I thought we could all go together. Sound good Rey?"
Rey looked up apprehensively as Finn asked, "Why didn't you ask me if it sounded good?"
Poe said, as he walked out of the Falcon, "Because I outrank you buddy. Be back in a few, then we can start back to the flagship."
After Poe had left the Falcon, Finn turned to Rey and asked, "Why does this make you so uncomfortable? You've known something like this was coming for a while. You knew the Republic would want you as part of their public face. After Luke and Leia, the biggest part of the Crait story is yours. You and Luke saved us. You're the last one left. The last Jedi, or whatever."
"I'm just…worried," Rey said.
"What about?" Finn replied.
"Why do you think it is none of them have come to talk to me?" Rey asked. "The old masters? They spoke to Luke. I think some of them even spoke to Leia every once in a while. I'm sure Luke came back to speak to her. But not me. Never me."
"I don't know. We don't know. It's like you said. We don't know anything about how this works," Finn answered.
"What if their reason is that there is something wrong with me?" Rey said.
"What would be wrong with you?" Finn asked.
"I don't know," Rey said, looking around nervously.
"Something has you worried. Something more than just a vague possibility. What is it?" Finn asked earnestly.
"I'm too strong," she answered.
"What?" Finn asked, confused.
"I can do things, with the Force, that I shouldn't be able to," Rey said.
"How do you know that? And how is it a problem?" Finn asked.
Rey went over to the wall where the ancient Jedi texts are kept and rubbed her forefinger across the spine of one. "These are how I know," she said as she picked one up and looked at it. "This one describes how to train young Jedi. What the order of exercises should be, and how those exercises develop your abilities."
"Maybe it's not all that odd that you are so strong," Finn said hopefully and reassuringly. "Maybe it was odd back then but it's not now. Maybe people just progress more quickly now. Think about what else they probably didn't have back then. Lightsabers. Hyperdrive. Computers apparently, because they were writing things down on paper."
Rey barely registered his remark. She picked up another book. "This one is about the history of the Jedi. Luke added what he knew of the subsequent history to it. He clearly had to rebind it."
"Well he was probably bored. Chewie said it was a really small island," Finns said, hoping they were past whatever worry was plaguing Rey.
"You know who falls Finn?" she asked. "To the dark side?"
"Guys with the first name Darth?" Finn said lightly.
Rey spun to look at him and said, "Stop joking about it! You can't laugh it away!"
"I'm sorry…who falls?" Finn said.
"The powerful! The exceptional! The ones the Force came easy to. Xendor, Lyn, Nadd, Exar Kun, Revan, Dooku, Skywalker!" Rey said, her voice rising in volume with each name.
Finn threw his hands out in an exaggerated 'I don't know' gesture and said, "I only know one of those names!"
"Take the one you know then. Luke and Leia's father was so strong they thought the Force itself made him. So strong they thought he could bring peace to the galaxy by himself. He killed everyone he ever cared about," Rey said, her voice cracking at the end.
"You aren't him. I know you," Finn replied calmly, trying to soothe her.
"You say you do, but you don't. No one does," Rey said dejectedly.
"You're my friend, and I'm yours," Finn said.
Rey, paces in frustration, said, "Five years ago I had no friends. No one who knew me. Then we're all thrown into this situation, running and fighting people who want to kill us. And we watch each other run and fight and we think it means we know each other."
"You think that's all it was? That we haven't been anything else to each other? That I don't know who you are?" Finn asked, getting more worked up.
"Finn, I don't know who I am!" Rey yelled. "I was a girl waiting for a family I didn't know, who left for a reason I couldn't remember, and now I can do things, but I don't know how. Who am I in all of this? Some girl who found a droid? And just by chance I can do all this?" She lifts her hands and everything in the cabin, including Finn, raises several inches off the ground and then drops back down. Finn looks shocked. "It's just coincidence? There is nothing behind it? Nothing that explains who I am? Why I am here? Why I can do these things?"
"So what?" Finn asked. "You think there is some dark secret explaining it all? Something that means you are really evil deep down? Why? What possible reason do you have to think that?"
"I was just saying that I was worried," Rey said sadly.
"Well I'm not. You already faced that choice. He gave you that choice. You choose us. And some secret about your past can't make you evil. You make your own decisions, no matter where you come from. I was raised to be a soldier. Every last part of me and who I was, was conditioned to fight. For them. And I chose not to. Your past isn't all you are," Finn said.
"Maybe I am not like you Finn. I can't stop thinking about what he said. That my parents were nothing. That because of that I was nothing. But I'm not nothing. So how could they be?" Rey said as she sat down.
"I'm not saying that Kylo Ren wouldn't lie to you. Maybe he did. Maybe there is something special about your parents, and something important happened to them. I'm just saying that whatever it is, you are always going to have a choice. And I know you well enough to not worry about what it will be," Finn said.
"Well I do," Rey replied.