A Liquid Inspiration
Summary: (A re-telling of Classroom of the Elite sparked by a certain conversation between Masterpiece and Professor.)
One day, Ayanokouji Kiyotaka receives a surprising invitation from his father, Ayanokouji Atsuomi, to join him for a drink. It was unusual for Kiyotaka, who normally wouldn't be summoned by his father without a hidden agenda.
That's why even the emotionless Kiyotaka was surprised when his father began to open up about his own experiences with love and relationships.
For the emotionally distant "masterpiece," this conversation is a rare moment of connection with his father, and it sparked a curiosity within him to explore the world of human relationships, to be more specific: romance and intimacy.
It was that spark that pushed Kiyotaka to demand something from his father:
"Father, teach me everything about human relationships."
This then begins a ripple that changes how Ayanokouji Kiyotaka would approach the world in the foreseeable future.
Vol 0. Chapter 5 - Changes
Ayanokōji Atsuomi
Wealth, Poverty. Financial disparity.
Highly educated, poorly educated. Educational disparity.
Urban and rural areas. Regional disparity.
Disadvantaged young people, privileged old people. Generational disparity.
Japan is a disparate society. These are just a few instances I mentioned, but they truly represent the difference between heaven and hell. The important thing to remember is that not all realities are not stagnant. The poor can rise to become wealthy, and the wealthy can fall to become poor. For example, if you don't like regional disparities, you can move to the city.
Although I understood the logic, I had nothing. I was born in the countryside, extremely poor, and pitifully uneducated. I was not blessed with endurance, nor was I a hard worker.
If I had to name one aspect that would've made me a strong fighter, it'd be my youth. However, I didn't make the most of it and spent much of my time in idleness. You could say I had a slow-paced life.
There was no bright future awaiting me, and there was a possibility that I would simply lead a miserable life. But I opened up the future with my own hands. It was because I had something grander than others, That is —unbridled and ever-expanding "ambition."
I will rise to the top and stand at the top of this country.
With that in mind, I continued living my life until today. That ambition was the only thing that sustained me throughout my life.
Through all the ups and downs, my will did not waver. So long as there is still some spark of light at the end of the tunnel, I will continue to fight.
After Naoe-sensei abandoned me and the White Room project nearly a decade ago, I had to do everything in my power to keep it afloat. It even reached the point that the project was about to be shut down due to the lack of finances. But I'd be damned if I'm going to let this project die without fighting for it.
I simply couldn't accept Naoe-sensei's recommendation of lying low. I just know that if I didn't resist Naoe-sensei, he would've taken it all away from me. Even if I survive as a politician, there would be no hope for my career. Japan is too tied to the seniority system. No matter how capable you are, if you're young, you'll be sifted out. Or if you try to force your way out, they'll try to cut off your wings.
How can we leave the world of politics any longer in the hands of a bunch of old fools who have only a short time left to live? They think it's enough if they're able to secure themselves for the time they have left to live out the rest of their lives. They're willing to give up the flesh and blood of their country to protect themselves for the next 10 or 20 years. Then what will happen 30 years from now?
Japan will be devoured by other nations, and there won't be anything left to salvage, and that would never happen under my watch.
That's why this project must live on.
I will make the White Room firm and resolute, then send in enough people to rewrite this country's organizational system. We're going to overhaul the system from the ground up.
And the first step comes with the emergence of Kiyotaka in the outside world.
It's too late for him to learn to express his emotions now in the White Room. This means that we have no choice but to drastically change the environment.
And that was exactly what we had agreed on... although it took me years to seriously consider that instructor's suggestion.
By the time Kiyotaka was 13 and a half years old, he had already completed the entire curriculum of the White Room. It was then that we began concocting a plan that would kickstart the next phase of Kiyotaka's program, that is, his integration into society.
While it would be easy to simply tell Kiyotaka that he's permitted to live in the outside world, that would simply be a half-baked plan that wouldn't provide a surefire success to what we're planning.
Instead, we implanted in his mind the thought of exploring the outside world, so when the time comes, he could infer that he only did so out of his own volition and would then be more motivated to act on his own accord rather than considering this trip as another White Room mission.
And on the day of his 14th birthday, the subtle planning met its success conditions when Kiyotaka himself asked to learn about human relationships and society. I couldn't help but grin that night as it was proof that despite Kiyotaka's immense brilliance, he could still be influenced to some degree.
Of course, I am not conceited to believe our plot was foolproof. After all, there is the likelihood of Kiyotaka eventually rebelling as he becomes more immersed in society.
Still, I do not see it as a situation that leads to the defeat of my ideals.
I simply want to overhaul the system by implanting the most phenomenal of leaders to rule Japan, and hopefully, I would be the one who'd take the leading step in doing so.
Regardless of whether or not Kiyotaka completely emulates how I operate is not a concern. He has already shown himself to surpass the knowledge of any man.
His only weakness now is his limited range of emotions and understanding of how humans inherently operate.
To his credit, he can use lies to his advantage when necessary. He may not have a lot of emotion, but he's mastered the art of pretending to be something he's not.
But that's simply not enough because eventually, Kiyotaka would be exposed, and should that happen, it would be difficult for him to bounce back.
The goal here is for Kiyotaka to develop desires of his own, which we would manifest from his curiosity about how humans operate. Unless Kiyotaka becomes capable of manifesting his own desires, he will forever remain defective despite his incomparable strength and knowledge.
That being said, I am positively pleased with his progress. It had only been about five, almost six months since I permitted his wish to be integrated into modern society, and as usual, he had already exceeded my expectations.
He had already made good connections and made a positive impression on the elites, most notably the Kōenji Conglomerate, with Kiyotaka's positive influence on their heir, Rokusuke, and the Kanzaki Conglomerate, with their son Ryūji, who also met Kiyotaka in the Christmas Gala, considering Kiyotaka as an important figure in his development.
This was not exactly part of the plan, but this welcome progress allows me to reframe what people think about the White Room and what I intend to do with the White Room moving forward.
But that would have to wait.
My risky plan, after all, had its expected repercussions. Being on the radar of so many dangerous people makes it difficult to operate normally.
For now, I will temporarily shut down the White Room... but that does not mean the end for my ambitions.
Naoe-sensei... Kijima-sensei, I hope both of you are ready for the wildcard I'm about to unleash.
Both of you should have ended me when you had the best chance to do so.
5.1
Ayanokōji Kiyotaka
"Ayanokōji-boy, it's time for you to ascend towards manhood, Ha Ha Ha!"
I couldn't help but let out a sigh as I currently found myself about to be roped into the whims of this impossible person, Kōenji Rokusuke.
Apparently, he had found a solution to fix my perpetual gloominess, and the answer came in seducing women. Kōenji thinks this to be the case because, from his own experience, his greatest thrills came when he was conquering the heart of a maiden, because it was the only field where his guarantee to succeed was not 100%.
He did tell me he had never failed in any conquest, but the fact remains that women are mysterious to the point that no matter how good you were doing, there was a chance of failure... and he found that captivating.
What a roundabout way of saying he just wants to catch skirts.
Also, there's another field where your guarantee of success isn't 100%, Kōenji. That comes in the field of winning a physical fight against me.
Our sparring record stands at 50-0, after all, and I won't accept your absurd claims that it was 50 draws. It just doesn't work that way.
"Do I really have to?"
Kōenji scoffed. "Do you want my assistance or not? After all, you had asked me what's the key to my so-called absurd confidence, which, I tell you, is not absurd at all. I am simply stating the facts that my being is immaculate and perfect, Ha Ha Ha!"
I couldn't help but poke fun at the narcissist and say something that would make him lose his composure. "A perfect being with a perfect loss record against me, that is. How are your ribs, by the way?"
Kōenji had a strained smile on his face, although he wasn't actually angered. "L-like I said, we simply fought to a hard-fought draw! After all, I am-"
"Still alive, standing, and dashing, and that's proof enough that I have not lost. Yes, I have heard it for the past 50 fights, Kōenji." I interrupted the blonde, who, instead of being indignant, simply let out a burst of boisterous laughter.
"I'm glad that you remember!"
"It's an amusing reminder of how foolish you can be, Kōenji," I said in a dismissive tone.
"That being said, I've already "ascended to manhood," so to speak. I've already had successful dates with Tsubasa and Chiaki," I added upon remembering the entire point of this conversation.
That's right. After my date with Tsubasa on Valentine's Day, I went on a date with Chiaki the next week. She was a little upset about how I was on a first-name basis with Tsubasa and asked for me to address her by her first name, so I now call her Chiaki, much to her happiness.
But I guess she deserved to have that since she had provided me with a more mature lesson about relationships, a welcome contrast to Tsubasa's rather pure yet childish view on the matter. All in all, very informative.
"That's only two women. Rookie numbers, Ayanokōji-boy," he replied.
"What's the good number then?"
"Good number? Ha Ha Ha Ha! There's no such thing as a good number because, as Perfect Existences, we must not restrict ourselves to the social construct of numbers," he replied.
"I think going beyond one woman is already beyond the social construct, Kōenji."
"And that's simply ridiculous! That is why I am not allowing myself to be bound in a committed relationship until I find a way to legally dismantle that illogical limitation," Kōenji replied as he flipped his hair.
Being with this guy either stimulates my brain cells or makes me lose some brain cells, and as of the moment, I am experiencing the latter.
But it's not like I'm annoyed by it. The 90 or so days that I've known Kōenji Rokusuke have given me a unique perspective that is a fresh departure from Eiichiro and Tsubasa's views. While my first two companions were your textbook good guys, Kōenji simply rejected common sense and created his own standards.
In fact, I found myself more intrigued about what was happening in Kōenji's mind compared to the human experiences that Eiichiro and Tsubasa had been teaching me. Essentially, the clash here is between identity, on Kōenji's bench and values, on Eiichiro and Tsubasa's bench.
I believe I already had a decent grasp on human norms and values, so now, the concept of individual identity is more intriguing to me.
What's my identity?
What's the purpose of my existence?
How do I find my identity?
How do I find my purpose?
I believe that upon finding my answers to these questions, I will be a step closer to feeling like a human. While what I have learned in the White Room would never leave me—and I'd rather not lose what I've learned from that place—I would actually like to be able to blend in with the rest.
"Lost in your thoughts again? But I suppose it would be good for you to reflect on the wisdom a Perfect Existence like myself had imparted," Koenji said.
I looked up to the grinning blonde-haired menace and rolled my eyes. "Hey Kōenji, do you want a 51st battle? Perhaps you'll win this time."
"A battle between two Perfect Existences like ourselves is futile at this point. We will simply fight to a draw like all the other times. Ha Ha Ha Ha!"
"You're afraid, huh?" I taunted Kōenji, whose left eye twitched at the provocation.
"Afraid? I do not know the concept of fear, so I am most definitely not afraid."
"Haaah. You're really difficult, Kōenji. But that being said, I have no interest in aimlessly conquering women. That's your thing," I replied.
"Aimlessly? So, was your conquest of puppy-girl and stalker-girl intentional?"
"I did not conquer them. I simply went on a couple of dates with them. Also, Chiaki would be angry if she heard that nickname," I warned Kōenji, who simply laughed.
"I am immune from the rage of women. No need to worry about me, Ha Ha Ha!"
I shrugged my shoulders at Kōenji's answer. Well, that's to be expected of him, I guess.
What a bizarre man... and I have said this about a hundred or so times already. That's a testament to the weirdness of Kōenji Rokusuke.
"Nonetheless, even if you have no interest in following my great footsteps, allow me, the great Kōenji Rokusuke, to further educate you on the wonders of women and how to properly maneuver yourself in any scenario. Be honored, young apprentice, for I will help you avoid being murdered by your two-timing tendencies. Ha Ha Ha!"
So two-timing would get me killed? Is that why Kōenji has about six girls? Should I get another female companion?
Wait.
I'm not two-timing anyone!
But I have a better chance of ruling the world than convincing Kōenji Rokusuke of a different opinion, so it'll be a pointless debate.
Let's just get this over with.
"Hai hai, Kōenji-sensei."
Kōenji led me into the secret room of their mansion and began preaching about the perfect mentality and approach.
Some of his lectures include:
I find it laughably stupid to conform to the norms of inferior beings when I could handle everything just fine.
Why do humans need to impose limits on themselves if they have the talent to go beyond? The same principle goes for women. Why settle for one, when plenty of women are willing to give you love?
This menace also told me that if I were to inevitably rule Japan, I should 'push' for the legalization of polygamy.
As socially stunted as I am, I can easily tell that a 14-year-old kid's mind is not supposed to function that way.
What the hell, Kōenji?
"I hope you've learned a lot from this discussion, my apprentice. It is essential for you to know about these things simply because of the inevitable fact that Perfect Existences like us will no doubt attract plenty of women. Ha Ha Ha!"
I do not like it, but he has a point. Tsubasa and Chiaki are my only female friends, and both of them have certain degrees of attraction toward me.
"It's... as informative and detailed as I imagined, Kōenji. You get extremely animated when the topic is within your interests. It's annoying," I replied.
"Annoying? More like informative and life-changing, Ha Ha Ha!"
I do have to admit that I was able to reflect on the things I'm supposed to say to a girl. But it was not because Kōenji is that good of a teacher. More of... I could notice the mistakes behind his methods and decided not to emulate some of them.
I'd rather not have Tsubasa and Chiaki hate me if I follow Kōenji's way and proclaim that I "offer myself to everyone." Tsubasa, specifically.
Something in me tells me that I'd hate myself if I would hurt her. I've come to value her as a person, after all.
5.2
"The White Room had been temporarily shut down."
After I spent time in the Kōenji Manor, I received a summon to my father's office. I initially figured that it was to check on my progress thus far, so this piece of news was the words I was expecting out of his mouth.
"Why?" I asked.
My father sighed and reclined in his seat. "I suppose it's time for you to know something about the battlefield that I am in. While there had been impressive progress as a result of your emergence from the White Room, it also amplified heat towards the White Room and me. You're a rather well-known name in the upper echelon of society, Kiyotaka. Some of my political enemies believe that I have begun my move, and unfortunately, I am still not ready to strike," he paused and drank from a half-filled glass of whiskey, I presume.
"That is why, for the time being, I am shutting down the operation of the White Room to find ways to combat potential leaks and the revelation of its existence," he finished.
I stared at him for a few seconds. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked.
I found it quite out of character for my father to suddenly be open to me regarding his affairs simply because the man only saw me as the perfect product of the experiment he had led. In addition to that, I do not think he was letting me in out of goodwill. There is always a 'why' in the actions of this man, and I'm struggling to analyze what his motivations are given that this is an unprecedented event.
"Because you have reached the level of human maturity to understand the implication of my words. After you enroll in Advanced Nurturing High School next year, you will have at least three years to ponder upon what you want in your life, but once you graduate, you will be forced to live a life that's completely different from what you have been used to. You will be involved in MY world, and it's best for you to be prepared."
The Political World.
A world that is more gruesome than the world that I have lived in for the past 14 or so years. Upon successfully blending into Japanese society, it would seem that my father had come to the conclusion that in the next decade or so, I would be ready to be part of that world.
This was not his original plan, as from conversations that I have overheard, I was supposed to take over the White Room and teach the next generation of talents. I was not supposed to be out in the open and making something out of myself.
I would say, however, that I prefer this path rather than sticking to the one environment that I have been in most of my life.
After all, the experiences that I had experienced in my short while in modern society were experiences that I found invaluable.
"But before I tell you your final task as a product of the White Room, I would like to orient you on a sub-objective, so to speak," he said.
"Sub-objective?" I asked.
He nodded his head and then poured himself another glass. "There is a major investor in the White Room that made a request, and considering he had poured a considerable amount of money into the project, I simply could not refuse."
After he took a sip from his class, he spoke once again. "There is someone who really wanted to see you, Kiyotaka. That's the request: for you to meet with this person."
"They want to see me? Is it someone who was part of my generation and dropped out? After all, I couldn't imagine someone else exhibiting that level of sentimentality," I pointed out.
He stared at me for a few seconds but did not give a hint. "Who knows? If a major investor wants something, I simply have no choice but to accept. You'll find out eventually," he replied.
"I see. When will I meet this investor?" I asked.
"Tomorrow."
I nodded my head and thought I should text Chiaki that I wouldn't be able to meet her tomorrow due to my father's orders. I hope she wouldn't mind.
"Now, Kiyotaka, let's get back to the main topic for our discussion. Here's what I want you to do in the next following years. Listen carefully, Kiyotaka."
He began informing me in detail about what he wanted me to do once I stepped foot into Advanced Nurturing High School.
It was basic, but when he began delving more into the subject, I realized just how big the world he was planning to launch me into truly was. All the plotting and shenanigans, the intricate warring that had been happening without anyone realizing it was happening, and the like.
It's... a really interesting world that I know would be beyond my expectations. That being said, I couldn't help but feel some semblance of tiredness over this entire ordeal.
After all, despite the freedom that I'm currently enjoying, it would seem that in the grand scheme of things, I remain a piece that my father can use to his heart's content.
And I have come to loathe it.
5.3
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Ayanokōji Kiyotaka-kun. Thank you for coming today."
Currently, I find myself waiting in an empty room in a counseling clinic. I found the setup quite amusing because of how it fits my situation. After all, products of the White Room tend to be broken beyond repair, despite exhibiting talents that surpass that of a normal human being. With what I knew about counseling, products of the White Room should definitely have a couple of sessions.
That being said, I'm an outlier to this, considering I was able to grow after being exposed to a new environment, but the same could not be said for most people that had dropped out of the curriculum.
Of course, I was not perfect, per se, for I still have a mentality that normal humans would struggle to come to terms with, but considering what I've seen of children of my generation, I would say the way I turned out is a blessing.
"Who are you?" I finally spoke.
I had never seen this blonde-haired man before. His calm face made it hard to believe that he was from the White Room.
What caught my attention more was that he was holding a vase of flowers in his hand, cherry blossoms, if I remember correctly.
"There's a girl I really want you to meet, so I asked Ayanokōji-sensei for a favor."
I don't know if my outward appearance reflected how I felt, but I was a bit stunned after realizing the implication of what he had said.
But I knew not to jump to conclusions when I knew I was eventually going to get answers, so I opted to feign ignorance.
"I don't understand what you're talking about," I replied.
"The girl has become so feeble-minded that she can't even go out. She can keep herself relatively calm at home and in this clinic. That's why I asked you to come here," he answered.
Yuki.
To think I would have this chance.
Before my emergence from the White Room a few months ago, or even just a year ago, I wouldn't care about this encounter, as I have programmed myself to not care about failures who had dropped out of the White Room.
Whether they lived a good life or died was not something that interested me.
However, the single ripple that led to my freedom significantly changed my viewpoints.
I was curious... curious about how Yuki or Shiro would react to the person that I had become. Curious about the person they had become.
Of course, the intentions were not as pure compared to a normal person who was longing to reunite with a friend they hadn't seen in a long time.
I was simply curious.
But compared to the person I was a year ago, this was already a massive leap forward.
"I see. What are those cherry blossoms for?" I asked, pointing to the vase of flowers he was holding.
"They used to hang in this room, but I had to change the water. It's her favorite flower. She should be back from her checkup soon," he replied as he put the vase on the shelf by the window.
"Kiyotaka!"
As I waited for the blonde-haired man to return to the desk we had been occupying, the door to the room was opened and my name was shouted.
A blonde-haired girl stared at me; her eyes were wide open as she began covering up her mouth using her palms.
"I've wanted to meet you all this time... I've missed you so much!"
She... missed me?
This level of sentimentality over a person who you haven't met in quite some time is foreign to me. I could tell just how much she anticipated this event as upon entering this room, the first thing that came to her mind was to shout out my name.
In a way... that made me happy.
I've really changed, haven't I?
"You're..."
"Yuki! It's Yuki!" She chanted as she assumed that I had forgotten about her, probably a result of my indifferent expression as I was staring at her.
Normally, her assumption would be right.
Before I developed a degree of curiosity about the outside world, I erased the name 'Yuki' from my memory. Still, it was natural to remember some things since I couldn't intentionally erase them. This was why I began to recall her name, alongside Shiro, when my thoughts had led to a path that enabled me to remember them.
"How many years has it been?" I asked.
Yuki simply stood there as if contemplating whether I was real or a figment of her imagination.
"About seven years, I think," Yuki replied.
"My daughter Yuki has been weak ever since she left the Whi— No, the same facility you're in. She's been depressed. She can't go outside and just keeps worrying about you."
Did I hear that right? Yuki kept worrying about me?
I turned my head to the blonde-haired man, who had confirmed my suspicions of him being Yuki's father. He was simply watching things from a distance.
I also wondered why the man retracted name-dropping the White Room when it was just the three of us in the room, and upon observing the room, there were no surveillance cameras around.
Hm. Perhaps Yuki remained traumatized at any mention of the White Room.
Yuki walked in my direction and stopped when she was about a meter away from me, and as she stopped, she graced me with a smile.
Her smile was a little different from the one she used to show when she was a child.
"It's been a long time. Kiyotaka... were you at that place the whole time?" She looked at me with fear in her eyes as she recalled the past.
It proved my suspicions right. Yuki had been traumatized beyond repair at the thought of the White Room.
"For 14 years, I've been there, but I have been outside the facility for almost six months now since I have already completed the curriculum," I replied.
A small lie that is a little accurate.
There was no doubt that the only reason I was allowed to go out was that I had already finished the curriculum ahead of schedule.
Yuki sent me a smile. "I knew you were great, Kiyotaka... What about the other kids? Did they leave in the past?"
"Well, they all left so soon. I've been the last one for years now. I don't know."
"Alone... Always in that place...? I-I... I, that, that place... I...!"
Yuki's body began to tremble as if the fear she had been suppressing was swelling up.
"Yuki, stop remembering!" Her father worriedly called out.
Yuki was distraught as she dug up her memories. Was this how miserable a person who's dropped out of the White Room could be?
It was certainly beyond what I had expected.
From the state of her clothes and initial demeanor, it could be easily inferred that Yuki had been treated properly after her exit from the White Room, but the fact that she's going to counseling shows that she hasn't healed from the trauma.
And one of the healing methods was to meet with me, who was also in the fourth generation... I guess...
No.
It had to be me because Yuki had held a strange amount of attachment to me even when we were in the White Room.
Between Shiro, Yuki, and I, the lone female of the trio was the one who had developed great conversation skills. It was something I couldn't figure out because I was unable to cultivate a similar skill throughout my stay in the White Room.
It was in one of our conversations, which I did not understand at the time, where Yuki had shown that I meant something to her.
That time, Yuki had laughed days before but had never shown it since.
It led me to curious questions such as:
Did she laugh only once by chance?
Are emotions formed by such coincidences?
In the same conversation, she said:
"I don't know, but I think I can laugh again when I'm around you, Kiyotaka."
Upon hearing those words from Yuki, I began thinking of a question: Was it possible that we couldn't feel the emotion that creates laughter unless we were around a certain person?
Digging up on my existing memories from back then, I noticed that when the instructors showed their anger, most of it was directed at someone else. Smiles, in the same vein, were also directed to someone else.
It was a concept that I understood but couldn't do.
Back then, I hadn't even learned the basics of anger, sorrow, and joy. Without the basics, you can't do anything.
Thus, upon failing to conjure a smile in Yuki's direction, I thought that if we haven't learned it, then we don't need to feel it.
It makes me feel a little guilty now that I have thought about it.
Yuki had always seen me as a person worthy of seeing her joy, but my subconscious had programmed itself to be indifferent to anyone.
I wonder if this chance of reconnection was something that I actually deserved.
After being lost in my thoughts for a while, I finally spoke to Yuki, who, upon trembling earlier, was down on her knees.
"Yuki... if you do not feel comfortable talking about it, I believe it'd be best if I leave. My presence here would simply resurface your trauma about that place."
"Wa-wait! I finally got to meet you! I want to talk to you more—a lot more!"
If she couldn't talk about the White Room, we couldn't have a conversation. After all, that's the sole connection that we had. I doubt talking about menial things like how we have been would be beneficial to her.
"Please, Ayanokōji-kun, can you talk with Yuki for a while? Yes, any conversation is fine. A simple, insignificant conversation..."
"Uhh... I apologize, but what's your name?"
The blonde-haired man extended his right hand out before he spoke. "Tsubaki Takeshi," he said.
I shook Tsubaki's hand. "I see. That said, I have a question for you, Tsubaki. Would an insignificant conversation with Yuki actually yield the results you wish to see? The purpose of her counseling is for her to move past her trauma of the facility, is it not?"I asked.
Tsubaki looked down at the ground, seemingly unable to find a counter to my argument.
Since he remained silent, I began walking in the direction of the door, fully prepared to leave.
Yuki grabbed my sleeve, hyperventilating, trying not to let me go. "I-I'm fine. I'm fine with talking about the Wh-White-White Room."
I took Yuki's hand off my clothes and turned my back against her.
"I don't think you should. Have you seen how you reacted once memories of the place rushed into your mind? If you want to heal your mind, you should continue your treatment here."
I know I was being harsh to Yuki, but that was the cold, hard truth that she needed to realize.
Conversing with me would do her no good, as I would simply trigger her memories.
I also don't want her existence to be reliant on me.
"T-that's... I will be fine! We can talk about anything! Please, Kiyotaka... don't go. I've always wanted to meet you again!"
I looked at her father, who was sending me a look that told me he was hoping I would reconsider.
"Yuki... I'm not the only one who can't reach her. My wife's and second daughter's words also cannot reach her. She can't be reached. But... she talks to you... she only talks about you. You don't know how much just that could save her...!"
Tsubaki Takeshi did something unthinkable as he bowed before me, a teenager who does not even have a tenth of the influence he holds.
Since he was willing to go that far, and considering the influence he holds... I suppose there's no harm in humoring his wishes.
And... I might come to regret not doing anything.
But if something terrible happens to Yuki, that's completely on him.
"If you're willing to go that far, then I see no reason to decline, Tsubaki Takeshi."
Tsubaki stood back up and sent me a look of gratitude.
"Thank you, Ayanokōji Kiyotaka-kun. This is all I ask," he replied.
"But do not blame me if our conversation erases the little progress in Yuki's recovery," I said.
"Naturally."
"Then, can I ask for you to leave this room, Tsubaki?"
"Would that be fine with you, Yuki?" Tsubaki asked his daughter, who nodded without hesitation.
"Y-Yes! I would love to talk to Kiyotaka alone!" She exclaimed.
Tsubaki placed a hand on my shoulder and sent me a smile. "Please take care of her, Ayanokōji-kun. Thank you for accepting my selfish request," he said as he left the room, closing the door behind him.
Now, it was just Yuki and I that were left in the room.
The silence was palpable, as Yuki was fidgeting, and I was simply looking at her rather pathetic state.
"K-Kiyotaka," she muttered.
I simply stared at Yuki, who was mustering up the courage to speak her piece.
"Do you remember when I dropped out of the Whi... that facility?" She asked, her voice cracking at every word she spoke.
"Why do you even want to talk about that? Do you want to break your mind?" I asked.
"N...no. What I want to talk about is another thing entirely. But it's linked to the time when I dropped out," she replied.
"I remember that time. You resisted the instructors... a rather peculiar reaction out of any dropouts of the facility. You also had your first period that day, now that I remember it."
"B-baka Kiyotaka! Why is that the first thing that you remember!" Yuki exclaimed in indignation.
I mentally sighed in relief as I intentionally pointed that out to at least alleviate the rather sensitive topic.
My interactions with Tsubasa and Chiaki proved to be instrumental in figuring out what flusters women.
"Ah, I'm sorry. It was the first time I witnessed it, so I remembered it. But do continue with your story," I urged the blonde-haired girl, who shot me a glare.
"I resisted the instructors... because I wanted to be with you until we graduated from the facility."
My eyes widened at the revelation.
So that was what it was...
"I had feelings for you at the time, Kiyotaka... and it remained to this day. That's why... that's why I had always looked forward to the day when I could finally see you again. I want to talk about everything with you... I want to be close to you..."
"You should stop looking at me at a pedestal, Yuki. I am a monster bred in that facility. I don't know if I could even feel love, even if I had come to understand what it means," I replied.
Yuki looked down in defeat at the words I had just uttered.
"I don't know... I thought I'd be able to understand you... After all, we shared plenty of memories in that place... I think I'd be the only one who could understand your pain..."
"But before you can do any of that, you need to heal your mind, Yuki. Your family cannot even reach you because of how broken you turned out to be. I doubt that you even understand what love truly is because of what happened to you in that facility. You may be able to express it, but I know it wouldn't be enough," I replied.
"I know that Kiyotaka... I just wanted to tell you about how I feel... and this made me happy. Happier than I could even imagine," she replied as she stood up.
"Is that the entire point of why you wanted to talk to me?" I asked.
"No... I wanted to know things about you... like how you've been... like how are you now... and stuff."
Interacting with Yuki is different from my interaction with Tsubasa and Chiaki. The two girls were exposed to a side of me that simply wanted to explore a world that I hadn't been given the chance to explore; that was why I was amicable in going along with what they wanted to do.
Yuki, on the other hand, was a casualty of the White Room, a girl with a broken state of mind. All she knew about me involved the merciless facility we grew up in.
I found it difficult to find a ground where I wouldn't unknowingly hurt Yuki because our shared past brought nothing but despair to her.
This discussion, however, had been educational... as I was able to realize some of Yuki's motivations during her final days in the White Room.
Love... huh?
It's probably infatuation, given we were children at the time. Still, the fact remains that Yuki acted outside the expected conduct of a White Room student simply because she felt something about me.
"Kiyotaka?" Yuki called as I was once again lost in thought.
I remained silent and walked to a couch that was in the middle of the room. After sitting on the said couch, I spoke. "Let's talk about my life since I exited the facility. Would that be fine with you?"
Yuki smiled at that. "Yes! I would love to hear about it," she exclaimed.
"Why don't you sit next to me so you can hear my words clearer?" I suggested and gestured for Yuki to sit on the spot on my left.
Yuki happily followed my instructions and sat on the couch.
"Well... here it goes."
I began telling Yuki about my journey thus far, starting from the six months that I spent contemplating my next move upon completing the White Room curriculum.
The mention of the White Room brought her shivers, but she attempted to fight through her trauma and listened on as I continued with my story.
After that, I told her about my first couple of days inside the mansion and my first meeting with Eiichiro three days after I settled into the mansion.
Yuki listened intently as I told her about the things Eiichiro taught me, as well as showed her some pictures of us watching anime. As I was continuing my narration, Yuki had a wistful look on her face, and it didn't take a genius to realize why that was the case.
She also wanted to be there... to live a normal life where we were close together.
"Eiichiro... was like my little brother who was superior to me when it came to socializing with people, so in that regard, he's more of an elder brother," I told Yuki.
"I... also have something like that... a little sister. But we don't have a relationship."
"What's her name?" I asked.
"Sakurako. She was happy when she first saw me, but she eventually gave up because I was not responding to her at all," she replied.
"Is she pretty like you?"
"Ki-Kiyotaka!"
"Don't mind me. I just noticed how uncomfortable you were," I replied.
Yuki smiled. "You're a little different from what I knew of you, Kiyotaka. You were really indifferent to everyone, you know?"
"Eiichiro helped me a lot... as well as Tsubasa."
Crap.
Yuki's look drastically changed.
"Tsubasa? That's a girl's name, right?"
I nodded my head. "She's Eiichiro's best friend and had been really helpful in helping me understand human emotions. I'm grateful to both of them," I replied.
"So she's not your girlfriend?" She meekly asked.
"Do you think I'd even be capable of having a girlfriend?" I rhetorically asked.
"Yes."
She didn't even hesitate.
"But, no. She isn't my girlfriend," I said.
Yuki's smile returned. "That's good."
"Why? Do you want to take the spot instead?" I asked, leading Yuki to sputter incoherent words and become flustered.
"B-baka..."
"I was joking."
"That makes it even worse!" Yuki exclaimed as she glared at me.
"So let's get back to my story," I said and began narrating what I did at the Christmas Gala, simply because I found my one-sided beatdown of Suzuki and the blonde menace to be amusing.
"And you're saying you're good friends with the blonde guy now?" Yuki asked as I told her of my weird relationship with Kōenji.
"He has no common sense, so he wouldn't be pissed off by getting beaten. He doesn't even think he lost any of our fights," I replied.
Yuki giggled. "I'm glad you found those people in your life, Kiyotaka," she said.
"Even I couldn't believe it. A lot of things have happened since I've gotten my freedom. Things are going to be better since the facility closed down yesterday, so I'm hoping I'll get the chance to properly enjoy my youth," I replied.
Yuki pulled on my sleeve and sent me a pleading look.
"Can... Can I be part of that?" She asked.
"I am a reminder of what led you to be broken, Yuki. Are you sure you want to be constantly reminded of your trauma?" I fired back.
"No... Kiyotaka... you're the reminder of the only good thing about that place. Please... please let me have this. Make new memories with me... pleasant ones," she pleaded.
I stared at Yuki for a few seconds.
I will say it again, but day by day, I'm being reminded of just how far I have gone since I left the White Room and began great relationships with people like Eiichiro, Tsubasa, Kōenji, and Chiaki. There's also Kanzaki, but we do not have a relationship as close as the other ones.
The Kiyotaka of last year wouldn't give a damn about Yuki and what had happened to her... not even the thought of curiosity would push me to do something for her.
However...
My desire to understand what it means to be human changed me little by little, but not completely.
While I do not know if I could come to genuinely care for Yuki, given I had never given her such courtesy even in the White Room, I am curious about how she would take in the person that I had become.
Would she be happy?
Would she be resentful?
I want to learn how humans work... and to eventually be one myself.
That being said...
"If you want to be, then I'll let you be part of my youth, Yuki."
End of Chapter
A/N: I really wanted to skip to Kiyotaka's 15th birthday right away, but I got a spark of idea that would develop his character more. So... I brought Yuki into the story and made her Sakurako's sister (although this isn't canon, it'll add layers to her character).
I wanted to create a scenario for Kiyotaka where he's able to evaluate his former life and current life because as the White Room closed down, he is basically more free... though not completely because Ayanopapa is keeping track of him from time to time.
Now, the reason for the divergence between his canon treatment of Yuki and how he treated her in this story lies in the difference in experience between Canonkouji and this story's Kouji. In canon, his meeting with Yuki happened on his first day outside the White Room, and such, had a colder and more detached outlook. Here, he had already managed to develop a more open approach to people (although it's still a little twisted), and as such, he was able to be convinced to humor Yuki's request.
Also, what do you think about the revelation of Ayanopapa's intention of why he allowed Kiyo to experience 'freedom'? It was something that I was waiting to reveal, and figured out this chapter would be a good time to do so.
Ayanopapa will be a more gray-ish character in this story, but of course, Kiyo isn't going to have a positive opinion of the man. He'll just be neutral about him.
That being said, we only have two more chapters to Volume 0, as well as one or two side stories before we proceed to the canon timeline. I know I said I'd be closing Volume 0 after six chapters, but I really want to nuance Kiyo's personality as well as his relationships before we head to canon.