The weather was finally cooling down. The gray wind that nipped at my heels accompanied me all the way to the meeting room. I moved briskly through the village, going over the details of my plan for this week in my mind.
Alright, third time's the charm. I have it all planned out.
If the person before me says something light, I'll tell them about making crispy fried eggplant. I will simply not tell them that it was weeks ago now.
If the person before me says something heavy, I'll say something like "I've been thinking of the ones I lost recently. I'm grateful I can continue to meet new people to consider as friends."
Either way, I'm covered.
I suppressed a self-satisfied smile as I arrived at the door, ducking inside a second before it began to drizzle. The smell of burning dust rising from the radiator in the meeting room mingled with the crisp air behind me. I immediately felt drowsy and nostalgic.
I remember this smell. This is how our classroom was heated, back when I was still just an eager kid behind a school desk. We were so young then. I used to spend half the class staring out the window and half of it asleep…I haven't napped that well since. I was such a terror to my poor teachers.
I caught sight of Choza stifling a yawn on the other side of the room.
Not just me, huh?
I greeted him with a wave, taking my seat next to Shikaku.
"I heard you got the garden problem sorted out."
"Yeah, hopefully. I suspect a few of the plants might be a bit of a lost cause, but most of them should recover. I see you're still coming to meetings."
"I…"
Only until I can share in this group, then I'm out of here for good.
"So what's the snack for today?"
He arched an eyebrow at me, but did not press for an answer.
"Red delicious apples. It was Rital's turn to choose."
I grimaced, biting my tongue as Rital perched in the chair on my other side. It didn't look like anyone had taken any apples except for her. Not even Choza had grabbed one. She waved at me with the apple as she greeted us.
"Hi Kakashi, and Shikaku~.."
She leaned around me to speak to him, gesturing with her apple.
"Want a bite? This one's especially good."
"I'm going to have to decline, thanks."
Red delicious apples taste like paper anyway. Why did she choose to sit here? The seat next to her friend from last week is open, and so are a half dozen others.
Ena clapped from the front of the room, and Rital snapped back to attention.
"Good afternoon everyone!"
The crowd answered the greeting. I didn't join in this time.
My voice just doesn't fit in. It's not like anyone will notice…
Rital's cold glare caught my gaze for a moment, her expression daring me to explain why I'm not greeting our leader.
Of course she would notice. Of course.
Ena continued. "Cold one today! Before we start, I see that we're missing a few faces. Does anyone know where Shibi is this week?"
The room was silent.
The standard seems to be to let someone know if you're going to be absent. Shibi knows that I guess I've never seen him be close with anyone here but…he could at least have told me. We're friends, right? When was the last time we spoke outside of work…?
I was unable to recall a single time. Rital's mouth twitched into a smile as we waited for someone to answer. She took another bite of apple to try to hide it.
What is her problem? Is it really just that he hasn't shared? I thought this group was specifically for people who struggled with that. People who feel alone and…
"Alright, well if no one knows, we'll have to wait to hear from him next week. Moving on."
Without him? That isn't right, you can't just leave a group member behind like that.
I glanced over at Rital again, who was barely hiding her smug pride at outlasting her enemy.
Is that how she thinks about me, too? I don't share either. And it's probably not just her…no one else seems worried about him at all. They're all so willing to just let him fall away. They don't think he belongs here. I don't think I belong here, either.
I stood without thinking, without planning what I would say.
"I just remembered I was supposed to meet Shibi today. I apologize, I have to go immediately." I blurted out, cutting off whatever Ena was beginning to say.
Sorry, everyone.
"Oh, well tell him we say 'hello'." Ena called after me, sounding a bit confused.
I was already out the door.