Chapter 14: Civilian Life

AN: this one is more about Steve's life and him starting to become more than the man behind the shield and the symbol of a nation. This was actually hard to draft in my outline, because I had to look at Steve's life at the beginning of WS and see what he wanted, and the differences between that Steve and Mine; mainly that Steve has support and a family pushing him away from SHIELD for a while, but it's Steve he can't not serve!

I hope you love this little bit of missing scene fun, set between the Avengers and Winter Soldier.

On to the Fic

DC is different, and yet, at the same time, the same as he remembered. Those iconic buildings haven't changed, but new buildings have cropped up around the capital to give it a new flavor that didn't change the feel of the city. There was Langley, the CIA headquarters, that was new, and the Hoover building hadn't changed much, but the additions made it seem new, and then there were all the other government buildings that Steve didn't even know the name to, and last were the memorials. So many memorials dotted the landscape around DC and in it, that it looked like a necropolis in some ways more than a capital. But the heart of the city remained unchanged. The big white domes and neoclassical buildings were just the same as Steve remembered the first time he set foot in the city. The Whitehouse fence was new, but understandable, as was the security, but it was still more than a little annoying. The one thing that seemed to remain unchanged, even when the faces faded and left and new ones replaced them, was the politicians. Sure they were different, but at the same time they were the same. Steve would never forget Senator Brandt and the greedy mooks that wanted to capitalize on his name, and now that Steve was an anointed prince, the representative of his people in the States, it seemed that even more of them wanted to be his "friend".

Steve could care less what they wanted. The only reason Steve came back to the Swamp, was for Peggy. Steven, bless his heart for his honesty, told Steve that Peg was still alive, once he had recovered enough from Andrew's colic and was moving on a little with his life, but that she was very sick. Nick Fury had come to his apartment a few weeks after Steve had settled in and recovered from the Battle and birth, and had offered him a job at SHIELD. Steve had wanted to accept, but a part of him would always belong to Brooklyn and New York. Fury had given him time, when Steve had asked to think on it, but the Captain could tell that Director Fury wanted him in SHIELD. Whether it was for his skills or maybe someone he could trust after the whole Nuke debacle with the Council, he didn't know. What he did know was that Nick had asked nicely after he spent a few hours watching Andrew with the Nanny. Steve understood where the man was coming from, honestly, but he wasn't ready for the politics just yet. So Steve had gently declined to join at the time, but agreed to keep an open mind about it. But for Peggy, he'd do anything.

The last time they spoke, Steve thought he was going to die, and to be fair, he was okay with that. What he wasn't okay with was having Peg not know how much he loved her, before she died. So regardless of the position offered with SHIELD Steve packed a few day bags and took little Andrew on a trip to the Capital. When they arrived at the nursing home, the nurse at the desk asked Steve who he wanted to visit.

"Margaret Carter," Steve said, and the nurse finally looked up with shocked eyes.

"Captain Rogers," she said with wide eyes full of shock and no small amount of hero worship. It left quickly once it dawned on here just who he wanted to see. "Captain, I'm afraid you've come here at a bad time." Steve's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Why," he asked innocently. The girl bit her lip and debated with herself for a long moment before she stood up and motioned him to one of the waiting chairs in the lobby.

"Captain," she asked gently, looking down at the little baby tucked into his carrier settled beside him. "What have you been told about her condition?" Steve's brow furrowed even more as he turned to face the nurse with worry.

"Condition," he asked, "what are you talking about?"

"Captain Rogers," she started and steeled herself, "this is a rest facility for high ranking former agents with SHIELD or other government agencies. Director Carter has been here for a few years now."

"Why," Steve asked.

"Director Carter," she said, "came here after having some difficulties living in her old home in the city. Her family helped her set this up so that she could spend her retirement with people who understood the life, so she wouldn't have to always be on guard with what she said. A lot of what she knew is still classified information, and well, this is just a better place for her."

"What's wrong with Peggy," Steve asked with a growing knot of dread in his stomach. The nurse turned sympathetic eyes on Steve before she answered.

"Not long after she arrived, she started having memory problems," she said and Steve felt his heart sink, "at first it was little things, things that could be dismissed, but it quickly became apparent that there was more to it. After a consultation with a neurologist she was diagnosed with early onset dementia. Do you know what that means?" she asked. Steve closed his eyes and nodded, his heart breaking at the thought of his bright wonderful Peggy slowly losing her memory. The nurse laid a gentle hand on Steve's arm, which made him look up with watery eyes. "She has her good days, just as much as her bad days, now," she said, "today is just a bad day. If you still want to visit," she asked, and Steve nodded. "We'll give you a call." Steve passively gave the woman his phone number and slowly walked back to his hotel.

Later that evening Fury called to ask if Steve still wanted the job, and reluctantly, Steve said yes. He needed to be close to Peggy, and if it meant working for SHIELD then that was the price he would pay. Fury understood this and realized that Steve just needed time; Time to get on his feet, time to be with his family, time to have closure. And Fury, knowing it was the only way to get Steve on board, gladly jumped at the chance to even get Steve, and agreed to Steve's concessions.

Steve wanted the freedom to be with his family, and thus the flexible schedule that SHIELD agents had was not acceptable. A set schedule was better, so for now, Steve was hired on as a training consultant until Andrew was grown enough that Steve could justify being gone more. He also wanted to go back to school if possible, and further his education, thus a lighter schedule was better. So with this in mind, Fury offered Steve the position and offered to set him up with an apartment in DC with Steve and Andrew in mind.

Moving was hard, even if he had no real possessions aside from the baby things and small heirlooms that Steve had recovered. Steve wanted to be close to Peggy so that he could visit at any time, but also close enough to work that he didn't have to deal with traffic. As a Brooklyn New Yorker, Steve was intimate with traffic, even before he woke up, so now, Steve knew the importance of location, especially because Andrew would need a special school or home schooling until he was old enough to be on his own. Steve didn't have much of an attachment to the apartment he had in New York, but it was still where he had lived for quite a few months, so when the last bag was packed and the last box placed in the back of the moving van Steve felt a touch of sorrow leaving it. It held some fond memories of Andrew's first moments, but also the sad ones before the battle. Steve closed the door for the last time and carried the last box down to the truck, only to find that Yasha and his brother Steven had decided to see him off.

Yasha took the box and placed it in the back of the truck, and while he did this Steven handed the Captain a phone.

"If ever you need anything," Steven said, "anything at all just call me, and I'll find some way to help." Steve pocketed the phone with a touched smile on his face.

"Thanks, Steven," he said gratefully, and turned to look at Yasha making funny faces at Andrew to make him laugh. "But, uh… I think we'll be okay."

"Keep the phone," Steven said, "you never know when you might need it."

"Well, you're all set," Yasha said with a vibrant grin that reminded Steve of Bucky so much it almost hurt, "I'll see you later. Perhaps we'll do lunch, da?" Yasha asked, and Steve just had to grin.

"Yeah," he answered, his eyed warm with love for his son, "that sounds great. Don't be a stranger, Yasha. You're welcome anytime, you too, Steven." Steve said and Steven's eyes widened a fraction in surprise before he smiled back with a nod.

"Will do, Cap," he answered before Steve climbed into the truck and drove away to his new home.

A week later Steve was finally settled into his new home and Yasha had visited many times over the week to help Steve unpack, and generally dote on his baby brother. Each time Steve caught him playing silly games or talking to him, he'd smiled back bashfully but didn't stop, and Steve would find himself filled with warmth over the sight. But once he'd finally settled, Steve found himself drawing and sketching on little scraps of paper, just to pass the time. That morning though, this changed when the nursing home finally called. Peggy was having a very good day, and everyone just knew that Peggy would be overjoyed to have Steve visit.

Steve on the other hand, found himself more than a little nervous. This would be the first time he'd set eyes on Peggy since that kiss she gave him right before he stepped off onto the Valkyrie. But Steve knew Peggy would be more than overjoyed to see him. There'd be sadness, joy, love, and no small amount of anger, but Peggy would be glad to see him alive. So it was with these thoughts and feelings inside, Steve took a cab to the rest home, little Andrew in tow. Stepping inside the lobby there was a general feel of upliftedness that the previous visit lacked, and the nurse at the desk greeted him with a bright smile.

"She's right this way, Captain," she said as she led Steve down the hall. Andrew gurgled from inside his carrier, and Steve couldn't help his smile. The nurse looked back and gifted him with a fond look. "She's having a very good day, Captain. I think that you'll be surprised how active she is. She's up and about, but still on rest, so don't try to over excite her." Steve nodded, and steeled himself, "here we are." Steve took a fortifying breath as the nurse opened the door, "Director Carter, you have a visitor."

"Oh, has old Nick decided to grace myself with his presence," a frail voice answered, and Steve felt tears pooling in his eyes. It was a little shakier and brittle, but it was obviously Peggy. Suddenly it felt like no time had passed at all, and he was just going to finally see his best girl. He was glad he'd changed into his army uniform, because he wanted Peg to know it was him. Steve stepped into the doorway and there she was. Her hair was gray, almost white, and she looked fragile, but Steve could still see the strength in her limbs. She was old and worn around the edges but she was still his Peggy. She was gussied up in a beautiful blue day dress, her lips still painted Freedom Red and her hair in waves, and all Steve wanted to do was pull her into his arms and never let go.

Steve stepped around the nurse and set little Andrew down as he came into Peggy's line of sight, and he saw it the moment it registered who he was. She went a little pale; her eyes welled with tears as a look of wonder filled her face.

"Steve," she practically breathed in reverence, "you… you're alive! You came back!" Steve felt tears of his own well in his eyes as a brittle smile pulled across his lips. "It's been so long; so long!"

"Yeah, Peg," Steve said, "but I'm here. I couldn't leave my best girl, not when she owes me a dance." Peggy rose on shaky legs to stand up and greet him properly.

"I ought to smack you, Rogers," she said, and Steve couldn't help the watery chuckle that escaped his lips and the wide grin that followed, "it's not very gentlemanly to stand a woman up on a first date." Steve grinned even wider.

"Yeah, I know," Steve said softly as Peggy reached out to touch his cheek. "But I had a good excuse. I guess they didn't tell you I was back." Peggy put on a stern look on her face, but Steve could see the joy hiding in her eyes.

"No, they did not," Peggy grumbled, before she smiled and Steve could see the satisfaction and vindictive glee in it, and suddenly he felt very sorry for the Director when he got that phone call. "Nick is going to have a lot of explaining to do about this one." her smile softened, and Steve could see the wonderful woman he fell in love with behind it. "Oh, Steve! I missed you so much. We all did. I'm so glad you're alright." Suddenly Andrew let out a little squeak, and Peggy looked down to see the little baby carrier at Steve's feet. Steve looked down and his son tenderly then back at Peggy before kneeling down and unstrapping his son from the carrier and picking him up.

"Peggy," Steve said as Andrew settled on his hip, "this is Andrew." Peggy gave him a side look.

"You haven't been back that long, Steve, have you," she asked primly. Steve's eyes widened with slight horror, before he was quick to reassure her.

"No! No, God, no," Steve stumbled, "it's not like that." Steve sighed and saw the amused look in Peggy's eyes.

"You still don't know a bloody thing about women, Captain," she said and Steve grinned with relief.

"No," Steve chuckled nervously, and Peggy smiled and glanced down at Andrew with questioning eyes, "oh, right. I, uh… I was pregnant with him… when I went in the ice." A light seemed to dawn in Peggy's eyes. "It was my little insurance policy."

"Howard mentioned it once," she said, "I didn't believe him." she turned fond eyes on the wide-eyed baby. "I suppose that this was the reason for that procedure Howard, and Barnes helped you with." Steve smiled sheepishly and a little unrepentantly when Andrew decided to giggle.

"Yeah," Steve said with a wide grin.

"Oh, Steve," she said softly, "he's beautiful. I suppose he got those gold red locks from his father," she asked as she brushed away Andrew's thick copper gold locks from his forehead.

"Yeah," Steve said. "He actually looks more like his grandfather than his dad. Fëanor appreciated that." Peggy looked up at Steve with a chiding look, but Steve didn't have it in him to be repentant. He loved Andrew and Yasha too much.

"Let's sit down, Steve," Peggy suggested, and gestured to the loveseat under the window. "We'll have a long chat and catch up. I'm sure you have plenty of new adventures to regale for me." Steve smiled and sat down, placing Andrew in his lap. And that was just what he did. He told her everything, from the moment he woke up to finding out about the pregnancy and losing one of the babies to the coronation and then the Battle of New York, and losing the other before delivering Andrew. He told her of Yasha, showing her a photo of his son, grinning as he held his new baby brother, and Peggy smiled.

"I'm so proud of you, Steve," Peggy said after a long while, "you have everything you need." Steve looked at her in confusion. "Oh, Steve. I'm an old woman, and you're still young. I loved you… so much," Peggy said, and her eyes were tender and sad, "and I always will. A part of me always will love you, but you're so young… your life is just beginning. I'm old, Steve. I am," she said holding up her hand when Steve opened his mouth to protest. "And I know that I will always hold a piece of your heart, but you have to move on, Steve. You have to be happy. You can't sit and pine for something you never had." She took his hand and held it tight. "I don't have many years left," she confessed and Steve's eyes watered with grief, "oh, Steve, don't weep for me. I've lived my life, now you need to live yours. I want you to be happy. Raise your son, become more than the man they made you to be. Live your life, live your dreams. You're more than just a soldier, you're a good man, and you deserve this." Steve looked at Peggy and felt that his heart was breaking. "I don't want you to live in regret. When the time comes, live your life, move on, and be happy." Steve looked at their joined hands.

"I don't know if I can," Steve confessed timidly. "All my life I've wanted this: a place, a purpose, a family. I guess it's not what I thought it would be." A sad smile pulled across his lips, "I don't know if I can let this go. Even if I only have you for a few years, they'll be the best years of my life, because they're with you." Peggy's eyes watered and a broken look filled her eyes at the desperate love she saw in his eyes.

"I know, Steve," she said, "I know." A glint of mischief sparked in her eyes as she looked at Steve. "I don't think I can either, besides you owe me a dance, Captain, and I intend to collect." Steve grinned, his eyes full of love and sorrow.

"Something slow," Steve said, "I'd hate to step your toes." Peggy's eyes grew watery and so far away for a moment before a blinding smile pulled on her lips.

"Promise you won't be late this time," she asked. And Steve grinned a sad a brittle smile.

"Yeah, I promise," he said.

"You sure this is what you want, Rogers," Fury asked.

"Yes, sir," he answered, "I need this, Fury. I'll never know what might have been if I don't take this chance." Fury looked back at the paperwork on his desk.

"College," Fury asked with a raised brow. Steve smiled wryly and looked down at his lap with a wistful smile.

"I was told that Veterans were allowed to go to school after their tour was up," Steve said, "Called it the GI Bill. It was my only hope of getting back to school after the war, before I knew who my parents really were." Steve looked up with steely resolve in his eyes, "I think I earned my right to finish my degree on the government's dime. And besides, I looked into it, and my old community college credits will transfer. I also looked into testing out of my general education classes, and as long as I pass with an 85% or higher I can test out. This leaves me with about two years of part time college classes, less if I go full time and take summer courses; and I plan to." Fury looked at the applications with pursed lips, and then glanced up at Steve.

"What about child care," he asked. Steve grinned. He'd won, whether Fury knew it or not, Steve had won.

"I looked into that as well," Steve said, as he reached into his bag and laid a paper on Fury's desk. "As long as Andrew isn't disrupting the class, my professors have no problem with him coming with me. And I've already set up time with my new neighbor to babysit while I have late classes. They're both teachers and they agreed to help with Andrew's homeschooling during the weekdays." Fury looked at the documents with a slight air of dubiousness, before he leaned back with a resigned air.

"Well," he said, "it looks like you've got everything thought through, Captain; you've thought of not only your timetable, but taken into account your son's education and schooling." Steve answering smile was proud and satisfied.

"Well, my ma didn't raise a lazy bumpkin," he said, his Brooklyn seeping into his accent. "And Bucky…" Steve swallowed hard around the sudden lump in his throat, "he would have wanted me to finish."

"You put in any thought as to what you're going to study," Fury asked.

"Well," Steve said with a cheeky smile, "my old credits were in fine art, so they'll transfer well into Architecture." Fury's brows rose in surprise, and Steve couldn't help but laugh a little, "Art and Architectural design and Engineering; dual major, with a minor in Computer Technology and Engineering. My councilor said that I should take several classes on computers, since I know so little about them. It's not so hard, so I thought, since I was taking so many, I could just go for the minor as well." Fury's raised eyebrow brought a smirk across his lips.

"That's a bit ambitious, don't you think, Captain," he asked. Steve sent a perfectly bland smirk the director's way.

"Most don't see me as anything but a muscled brute with little to no brains," Steve began, "or just another mindless soldier who follows orders, and does as he's told. That's not me," Steve said with a wry look. "My test scores may not have reflected it very well, but I was anything but dumb before the Serum." Fury raised an encouraging eyebrow, but Steve let that statement be that; all but implying that, if he was a very smart man before the Serum, imagine what it made him now.

"Alright, Captain," Fury finally said, "if you think you can pull it off, I'll sanction the leave to continue your schooling. At the very least a degree in architectural engineering will be a boon when you do resume Ops work." Steve smiled, before he stood up and shook Fury's hand.

"Thank you, sir," he said, "I don't think I could have done this without your support."

"You could," Fury replied, "it just would have been a lot harder." Steve's face broke into a bright grin, genuine in all its honesty, before he turned and left the office.

Summa Cum Laude; with highest honors, a whole year and five long semesters of work, and Steve was Graduating first in his class, Valedictorian. Steve couldn't have imagined that he would make it to this point; standing at a podium about to make his speech, the first person in his family to get formal education and a college degree. His mom would have been so proud. Not only that but Andrew is in the stands, clapping and howling like a true Howlie.

"Thank you Mr. Chairman, and dean Olman," Steve said. Steve took out his notes and looked up into the stands. At the back of the top row, he could see Andrew seated with Yasha and Captain Buchanan; Yasha holding a camera with a wide grin. Steve took a fortifying breath and began his speech. "Ladies and Gentlemen, family members, and fellow graduates," Steve had to pause at the uproarious applause and cheering, before he continued, "today is the culmination of over twenty years of hard work, schooling, late night study sessions, and parental guidance. Some of us here are here because it's what was expected of us, some of us are here because we wanted it. Like many of you, I'm the first member of my family to receive a formal education. I was never expected to get here. I finished my high school education by my mother's sick bed in 1936. It was never expected that I would go to college. Everyone on my block thought I would die before I reached twenty, but I broke their expectation. I was told I couldn't join the Army, serve my country, but I did anyway. I kept surpassing everyone's expectations because my mother and my father instilled in me a desire. A desire to be better, to be more than what others said I could be, and to do more than what they said I could do." Steve looked up from his notes to see Tony walk in at the back of the stands. Steve smiled with tears in his eyes he looked back down at his notes and decided to wing it. "There will be many people who will say you can't do something because of who you are or what you are, but I say, no; that's not true. You can do anything, be anyone, if you try. If you put your mind to it you can do anything. You're here, aren't you? No matter what they say, no matter what the detractors are: you can do anything, because you made it here; on your own. Sometimes with the help of your father or mother, sometimes with none of that, but you made it. So it is my greatest honor to be your fellow classmate, and graduate. To those of you who came here on your own merits, your own hard work and determination, I salute you," Steve said, clicked his heels pulled his spine up and gave a perfect military salute. He dropped the salute slowly, and with teary eyes continued, "Every one of you deserves this. But the fight's not over. This is just one part of your life ending, but another is beginning. So when you walk out those doors, degree in hand, remember: it was a long road leading to here, to this moment, and it's a long road leading from here, but it's worth it. Every moment was worth it. And so to all of you, fall graduating class of 2013, I say to you: good luck and God speed. Thank you for your time," Steve ended, and for a long moment there was silence. Then suddenly at the back of the stands came a long slow clap and Steve looked up to see Tony with a wide smile on his face. Soon more claps began to ring throughout the stadium, as students stood and the room filled with a roar of sound, giving Steve a standing ovation; whistles ringing out among the calls and cheers of the crowd. Steve smiled and turned to the dean of the school to hand him back the podium as Steve took his seat.

The rest of the speeches and announcements were a blur and before he knew it Steve was standing again, this time to pin the officer's pins on the ROTC graduates. He gave them all a perfect salute, a wide and proud smile on his face. In the eyes of the new lieutenants were proud tears; their chests puffed up and they held their chins high as they returned his salute with eager gratitude. Before long Steve was standing on the stage for another reason.

"Graduating Valedictorian, Summa Cum Laude, with a Dual Major of Art and Architectural Design and Engineering, and minoring in Computer Technology and Engineering," the dean called out over uproarious applause. "Captain Steven Grant Rogers, US Army." The dean handed Steve the rolled up diploma and leaned in to shake Steve's hand. "Congratulations, Captain. You deserve this."

"Congratulations, Cap," Tony said when Steve finally stepped out of the crowd and towards the group of loitering family. Steve's bewildered look quickly morphed into a blinding smile.

"Tony," Steve said as he pulled the inventor into a bruising hug. Andrew giggled at Tony's wide-eyed expression of shock, before he forced his face into a more neutral expression of happiness. Steve released Tony and gave him a solid pat on his shoulders before he turned to Andrew with a look of tender love and pride. Behind his son stood Yasha and his brother Steven and Steve gave the pair a warm smile before he pulled his nearly grown son into his arms. "I can't believe you made it," Steve said. Andrew melted into Steve's embrace, breathing deep the scent of old spice and leather, and pomade, a smell that he had come to associate with his Ada his whole life.

"You didn't think I'd miss this, did you," Andrew asked with a wide smile when he pulled back. Steve shook his head fondly and smiled warmly at his boy. Andrew had grown so much over the past year and a half. His sweet little baby had sprouted into a tall lanky teen with wide expressive silver blue eyes, and dark blond hair with hints of red in it. He was so young looking and carefree, in a way he and Bucky never were that it almost hurt; and made him wonder if he was ever that young, for he couldn't remember if he was. Andrew had Steve's looks for the most part, but almost superimposed on top of them was his father's regal elegance. His long classical nose, his soft lips and sharp cheek bones, followed by his fine jaw and strong chin; this combined with his father's ears and the elvish gleam that always seemed to shine in Andrew's eyes made it absolutely clear that he was Celegorm's son. In a way, Steve was sorry that the elf had never gotten the chance to meet the boy they had made, for Steve knew without a doubt that Celegorm would have been obnoxiously proud of his son. But in many ways Andrew took after his grandfather more than his father. For one, he had more patience than the blond son of Fëanor, and two; Andrew had his grandfather's drive for justice under the law, something that was made clear time and again when Andrew expressed his desire to become a federal agent. So Steve just shook his head and pressed a kiss to Andrew's hair, breathing in the clean scent of soap that clung to the locks.

"No," Steve said when he pulled away, "I just thought that with your school and classes you wouldn't make it in time." Andrew threw back his head and laughed another thing he had in common with his father. Whereas Steve's laugh was light and trilling, Andrew's was more like a bark at first before falling into the lighter trills like Steve's.

"They made an exception," he said, "besides, who would blame a kid if they wanted to see their dad graduate; especially if that kid happens to be Captain America's son." Andrew's teasing grin reminded Steve so much of his younger self it almost hurt. When was the last time he smiled like that; before the train, maybe? "I'm also nearly done with my classes." Andrew announced, to Steve's shock. The Captain's brows shot to his forehead as he gaped at his still teenaged looking son.

"So soon," Steve asked, and Andrew nodded with a proud smile.

"Yeah, in a few weeks actually," he confirmed. Andrew rubbed the back of his head nervously as he looked to the ground before he looked up at Steve with hesitancy. "I, uh, I sent my application to FLETSY." Steve's brows shot up to his hairline.

"The Federal officer training school," Steve asked to his shock, and Andrew nodded.

"Yeah," he said nervously, "they accepted me." He looked back up with nervousness in his eyes. "They want me to start taking some offsite courses before if finish my classes. They think I could be an agent," Andrew said with hopeful hesitance. Steve's shock quickly turned to tender pride, as he smiled and held Andrew's shoulders in his hands.

"My boy," Steve said with a wide smile and a watery chuckle, "the G-Man." Andrew chuckled as well tears of pride in his eyes, before Steve pulled him in. "come here," Steve said as he pulled Andrew into a fierce embrace. "Never forget, Andrew: I am so proud of you!" Steve murmured into Andrew's ear, "No matter what you do, no matter who you become, I am proud of you! I always will be." Andrew felt tears sting in his eyes as he clutched his Ada closer and buried his face in Steve's neck.

"I know," Andrew said softly, "it's what I always wanted, but I wanted you to be proud of me too."

"I am, Andrew," Steve whispered back, "I am." Andrew pulled back with a cough and clearing his throat before pulling up a bright smile. Steve returned it with one of his own, though it was brittle and shaky if you could see the signs.

"When do you start SHIELD," Andrew asked, as he rubbed away any traces of tears on his face. Steve took a moment to memorize his son as he is before he finally grew up into the young man he could already see traces of him becoming.

"In a few weeks," Steve answered softly.

"So soon," Andrew asked as he looked back up with light vulnerability in his eyes before it vanished behind a mask.

"Don't do that, Andrew," Steve said softly.

"Do what," Andrew asked with a false grin.

"Hide," Steve answered. Andrew's smile faded and the vulnerable little boy came back, "don't ever hide from me, Andy. You don't have to hide from me."

"Sorry, Ada," Andrew said as he whipped away tears that leaked down his face. "What are you going to be doing with them anyway?" Steve smiled.

"Mostly rescue and recovery missions," Steve said, easing Andrew's worries. "I'm going to be working with Nat a lot, so you don't have to worry about me." Steve gave his son a disarming grin, and Andrew threw himself back into Steve's arms hugging him tight. "Hey," Steve said gently as he placed a careful hand on Andrew's back and felt the light shudders of his suppressed sobs. "It's gonna be okay, Andy. I'm gonna be okay."

"I don't want to lose you," Andrew said softly, his voice small and childlike. Steve felt his eyes widen before he wrapped his arms tightly around him, and into a bruising hug.

"Nothing is gonna happen to me, Andrew," Steve reassured. "Natasha is going to be watching my back. You know she won't let anything happen to me." He gently pried Andrew away and held his shoulder is his hands. "Look at me, sweetheart," Steve said when Andrew hid his face behind his hair. Steve ducked his head down and gently tipped Andrew's head up with his curled forefinger under Andrew's chin, forcing him to look Steve in the eye. "I will do everything I can to come home safe. Nat will be there to watch my back, and protect me. It'll be okay." Steve smiled and said, "besides, it's not like I'm gonna gone all the time; just every now and again." Andrew nodded, and Steve granted him one of his blinding smiles.

Steve could not tell who was more proud at that moment, himself or his son. After months of hard work and careful training and planning, Andrew's graduation from the Federal Law Enforcement Training School, Or FLETSY as it was coequally called, was a moment of pride. Steve had just barely managed to get to the ceremony in time to watch his son be handed his FBI badge. Steve clapped hard and had a wide proud grin on his face as Andrew looked down at his new credentials with joy. Honestly Steve couldn't tell who was smiling brighter, himself or Andrew.

When Andrew had finally shipped off to the school for his final qualifications, Steve had thrown himself into his work with SHIELD. He had little to no social life outside of work and he was beginning to feel the empty nest that waited for him at home. so Steve spent time working or trying to get to know his coworkers, only to feel even more lost and out of touch when he didn't understand some of the sayings or modern media references. He felt like an old man in the body of a twenty eight year-old. That had changed when he had met his downstairs neighbors.

The Owens' were nice people that just wanted to start a family and found themselves stopped at every door just because they were Mutants. The young couple was having difficulty having children of their own and because it was made even harder by the stress from their respective jobs, the wife a secretarial assistant at a law firm and the husband a congressional Aide. So rather than make an issue of it they had signed up to adopt, only for their efforts to be halted because of their status as Mutants. It made Steve's blood boil to think that such good and kind people were being denied because they were a little different. So Steve spent time with them and learned what nice people they were before going out of his way to help them have their baby. In the end Steve had walked away from the encounter with them with two more friends and a whole lot wiser about the world at large. He wanted to do something to help fix it, and with the Owens help, both with their understanding of Law, he was hopeful that he could.

Seeing Andrew become a full-fledged FBI agent and placed in charge of his own task unit, left the Captain both stunned and proud. Andrew's task force would work within the FBI to uncover corruption within the agency, as well as work with other Federal agencies to deal with corruption and crimes involving their agents; agencies like SHIELD. It was a form of check and balance that the secretive agency needed, and if Steve was being truthful it was one that most needed. And Andrew was the right choice to lead that group. He was intelligent and cunning in a way Steve lacked, something he got from Celegorm if Steve was being honest with himself. Andrew wasn't afraid to be ruthless when needs be, but he was also kind and unassuming when the moment asked for it. His analytical and deductive reasoning combined with his perfect memory and dead shot aim made him the perfect field agent, but Andrew loved to look through data and comb through evidence, finding the littlest details that could blow a case wide open. In short, Andrew was on track to becoming the FBI's new darling, the face of an agency that desperately needed a facelift after years of stereotyping had left it the realm of old men, and hard former soldiers. He was a breath of fresh air, as his new boss had put it; calm and compassionate in a way that most didn't think an investigator would be. The fact that he was young and handsome also gave him an advantage in that his suspects would underestimate him.

Steve was proud and life was slowly getting back on track. Though Peggy still had lapses, Steve still made an effort to visit her on her good days just to hear her voice and see her smile and the advice she would give. And it was pretty good advice; Pegs was no slouch. She fought with the best of them and came out on top for many years. She ran SHIELD with Howard for decades, a feat that Steve knew to be absolutely astounding, considering Howard Stark's ego, and she managed to have a family on top of it all. She was a good woman and a smart one and he was going to take advantage of what time he had left with her while he could.

One such piece of advice had led him to picking up a sketch book for the first time since Bucky fell. It was hard but when he finally bit the bullet and started drawing again, the first sketch was a picture of Bucky, just as he remembered him. Bucky was holding little baby Steven in his arms, his eyes were wide and watery, and there was a blinding smile on his face. The next was of the last time Steve saw him, before they got on the train, and with that picture it was as if the floodgates had opened and every image that had steeped in his head from the war had come pouring out. The camps, the people, HYDRA, the Prisoners, the battles and the aftermath, even his friends, it all came out; and before he knew it Steve had not only filled the sketch book that Andrew had bought him for his birthday, but the one that Yasha had as well. It didn't seem like enough though, and the unused easel that Steven Buchanan had bought him as well as the canvases and paints got brought out, leaving the apartment filled with dark and warm paintings of nights by the fire as the Commandoes made camp, and the bright and contrastingly cold images of the death he had seen on the battlefield, and off it. Steve painted for almost two days straight until he at last put down his paint brush after running out of white and red paints, the image of Bucky's last moments frozen just out of his reach unfinished as he sat on the floor and cried for what he had lost.

TBC…

End Note: sorry that got a lot more depressing at the end than I was expecting. Sorry again that this took so long to get out. I hit a bit of a writing block, where I wanted to do something but I would get distracted and once I opened my docs up to write, I had no idea where to go. My outline felt restrictive and also too broad at the same time; too much to write in one chapter and not enough to merit two, so I had to cut out a major part of the chapter for this one. But I will not remove the content entirely. I think it will make the next part of the series more suspenseful if I leave it out until then; you know. Dive up the stakes.

Anyway, I hope to have even more written for you before the end of the month. And maybe have this one finished before the end of the year. I got a late start, so please don't kill me!

Next up: the Son I Never Knew